History Funny / TheWire

--> Vinson: "But you just a kid"

* Landsman thinking, "in a clear violation of the general orders" and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFg4bhBV7pk interceding for Jimmy]] and his clearance before Rawls, because [=McNulty=] interferes with [[ADateWithRosiePalms Jay's wordly pleasures]].

-->'''Jay Landsman:''' Last night, I'm at home, I'm sittin' up buck naked. And I, I got one hand wrapped around a cold domestic beer, and [[ADateWithRosiePalms the other wrapped around my magnificent flaccid four-and-one-half-inch wonder]], [[TooMuchInformation and I am trying with all my might to remember what Leila Kaufman's nipples looked like when her bathing top slipped off at the Hillendale Pool swim party.]]

* After a failed hit on Omar, Stringer reprimands his underlings, with their mediocrity being "like a 40-degree [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp1ExC52BOc day]]" . Sapper ComicallyMissesThePoint and enthusiastically repeats the phrase as a boast. It's so asinine that even ''Gerard'' is taken aback by his dumbness, and Stringer can only react with absolute dejection.

* Like a 40-degree [[http://youtu.be/7ttbQTz8tAE day!]]

[[caption-width-right:340:[[ItMakesSenseInContext "Trace lab ain't got shit on the Bunk!"]]]]

[[caption-width-right:340:[[ItMakesSenseInContext "Trace lab ain't got shit on the Bunk!."]]]]

[[quoteright:340:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/thewire_xerox.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:340:''"The machine is never wrong, son."'']]

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjzqO6UOPFQ The Shit Platitude]]. After Carcetti wins his primary (which all but guarantees he'll be Mayor in a majority Democratic Baltimore, he sits down with a former mayor named Tony, who gives some poignant and blunt advice about how being the Mayor means being the person who gets shit on when things go wrong:

* [=McNulty=] has been instructed to buy Omar a suite for court, but is only given a voucher worth $150, so he pulls a cream yellow suit off the 70% off rack and holds it up to Omar

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi3iXYUzgDI Carver's pencil lost it's point.]]

-->'''Bill Rawls:''' Clay crying to you?
-->'''Ervin Burrell:''' Like I could put brakes on this thing.

-->'''Christeson:''' This fucking guy stinks.
-->'''Jimmy [=McNulty=]:''' Looks like he evacuated.
-->'''Christeson:''' What? He left and he came back?
-->'''Jimmy [=McNulty=]:''' No, he shit himself.

* His views on the legal profession are not much better

** "This sentimental motherfucker just cost us ''money''".

--> '''Jay Landsman''': What to say about this piece of work? Fuck if I don't find myself without the right words. Me, as gifted a golden throat as any of you cocksuckers, being loosed from religion, are ever likely to hear. What can I say about the dearly departed? I mean, really... It's coming to me... Uh, he was the black sheep, the permanent pariah. He asked no quarter of the bosses and none was given. He learned no lessons, he acknowledged no mistakes. He was as stubborn a mick as ever stumbled out of the northeast parishes to take a patrolman's shield. He brooked no authority. He did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say and in the end, he gave you the clearances. He's natural police! Yes, he was. And I don't say that about many people. Even when they are here on the felt, I don't give that one up unless it happens to be true. Natural poh-leece... But Christ, what an asshole. And I'm not talking about the ordinary, gaping orifice that all of us possess. I mean an all-encompassing, all-consuming, "out of proportion to every other facet of his humanity"-chasm. From whose borne, if I may quote Shakespeare, no traveler has ever returned. To conclude, I say he gave us thirteen years on the line. Not enough for a pension, but enough for us to know that he was, despite his negligible irish ancestry, his defects of personality and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously. If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you standing over me, catching the case. Because, brother, when you were good, you were the best we had.\\

** Later, when [=McNulty=] heads to Homicide to talk to Freamon and Bunk, he passes Rawls, and salutes him. Rawls freezes in the spot and his look of fury and incredulity is priceless, like he has seen a ghost.

* [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Like a 40-degree]] [[http://youtu.be/7ttbQTz8tAE day!]]

'''Bubbles:''' The cleat? ''[ties it off perfectly]''

* [=McNulty=]'s [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12Sh5emOl9U entire fake wake/retirement with Jay Landsman's fake eulogy.]]
--> '''Jay Landsman''': What to say about this piece of work? Fuck if I don't find myself without the right words. Me, as gifted a golden throat as any of you cocksuckers, being loosed from religion, are ever likely to hear. What can I say about the dearly departed? I mean, really... It's coming to me... Uh, he was the black sheep, the permanent pariah. He asked no quarter of the bosses and none was given. He learned no lessons, he acknowledged no mistakes. He was as stubborn a mick as ever stumbled out of the northeast parishes to take a patrolman's shield. He brooked no authority. He did what he wanted to do and he said what he wanted to say and in the end, he gave you the clearances. He's natural police! Yes, he was. And I don't say that about many people. Even when they are here on the felt, I don't give that one up unless it happens to be true. Natural poh-leece... But Christ, what an asshole. And I'm not talking about the ordinary, gaping orifice that all of us possess. I mean an all-encompassing, all-consuming, "out of proportion to every other facet of his humanity"-chasm. From whose borne, if I may quote Shakespeare, no traveler has ever returned. To conclude, I say he gave us thirteen years on the line. Not enough for a pension, but enough for us to know that he was, despite his negligible irish ancestry, his defects of personality and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously. If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you standing over me, catching the case. Because, brother, when you were good, you were the best we had.
-->'''Bunk Moreland''': Shit, if you were lying there dead on some corner, it probably was Jimmy that done ya.

-->'''Stringer''': Nigga, is you taking ''notes'' on a criminal fucking ''conspiracy''?

* Special mention must be given to David Simon himself, for not only producing a brilliant prank on actors Dominic West ([=McNulty=]) and Wendell Pierce ([=Bunk=]) by making them believe that ''yet another'' scene had been written up for them deep in the final season, but for making this fake scene so utterly hilarious. To read the whole thing, grab ''Truth Be Told'', a companion book to ''Series/TheWire''. For now, I give you but one line:

* Bodie trying to find a radio station to listen to and happening upon, of all things, [[Radio/APrairieHomeCompanion]]. His confusion at what the heck he's even listening to is priceless.

* Bodie trying to find a radio station to listen to and happening upon, of all things, APrairieHomeCompanion. His confusion at what the heck he's even listening to is priceless.

* Bodie trying to find a radio station to listen to and happening upon, of all things, PrairieHomeCompanion. His confusion at what the heck he's even listening to is priceless.