History Funny / TheVentureBros

*** "Hot sandwitch you've murdered the Venture boy!"

*** "And he has a knife... superpower"

* Proffser Impossible meeting Brock:
-->'''Professor Impossible''':Samson? Your ventures bodyguard you just wanna beat me up! Well come and get me.(Does a weired, hilarious looking boxing stance with his powers.)

-->'''Rusty''':Brock? What happened to "Radio Silence"
-->'''Brock''':You forgot something Doc.
-->'''Rusty''':Travel Bingo?
-->'''Brock''':Your son doc.
-->'''Rusty''':Dean's right here.
-->'''Brock''':HANK, ASS!
** Doc thinking the boys are roughhousing:"See Boys this is why daddy has to drink to relax!"

* 21 and Dr.Girlfreind dressing up in S&M gear and a cheerleadar outfit respectivly to distract the moppets.

-->'''Superego''':Ah Eros the personifaction of love. Your the jerk who made the rusty join match.com.
-->'''Eros''':I thought he'd find someone. Sue Me.
-->'''Superego''':Thanatos, the personifacation of death. Your the jerk who made the rusty quit match.com.
-->'''Thanatos''':One of those women couldve been a serial killer. I didn't want to take that chance.
** "What happend today was bad. What happened when I was 16, that's my life."

-->(Orpehous is getting ready to exercise dr.venture when he notices that shorleave has a bucket, hank a camera and dean a rain slicker.)
-->'''Orpehous''':Why do you have a bucket?
-->'''Shore Leave''':Oh for the vomiting.
-->'''Orpehous''':Hank, why do you have a camera?
-->'''Hank''':Same reason.
-->'''Orpehous''':(points to dean)
-->'''Dean''':I was told there would be vomit.
*** The kicker is later when the boys brace for possible vomit:Hank readies the camera and Dean putts his hood up.
-->'''Dean'''

** "What happend today was bad. What happened when I was 16, that's my life."

* Dr. Orpheus getting back at Action Man for shooting him. "Two years, seventeen days. From a stroke."

*** "And he has a knife... superpower"

** [[HighOctaneNightmareFuel The Bear]]

*** "Hot sandwitch you've murdered the venture boy!"

-->'''Shore Leave''': ''(irritated) "Oh, and I pretended to enjoy having ''sex'' with him every night!"''

---'''Ward:''' You get your blood back at the end of the summit, unless that whole "loss of life" thing happens. Then we'll send your next of kin a big jug of blood and a very nice card!

-->'''Shore Leave''': ''(irritated) "Oh, and I pretended to enjoy having ''sex'' with him every night!"''
* After going to a strip club offscreen in ''Every Which Way But Zeus'', Brock and Gathers discuss how small and sad the stripper's tits were. They describe them as things like "mournful", "a dollar's worth of change taped to her chest", and "two suicide notes stuffed in a glitter bra". This is made funnier by the fact that they are sitting in a jet fighter.
-->'''Gathers:''' I want to build two little caskets and give her tits a tasteful, dignified funeral.

* After going to a strip club offscreen in ''Every Which Way But Zeus'', Brock and Gathers discuss how small the stripper's tits were. They describe them as things like "two dollars worth of change strapped to her chest". this is made funnier by the fact that they are sitting in a jet fighter.

-->'''Shore Leave''': ''(irritated) "Oh, and I pretended to enjoy having ''sex'' with him every night!"''

*** "Okay were going to need a cyberbear and a helicopter."

-->'''Shore Leave''': ''(shocked, clearly lying) "...and I pretended to enjoy it!"''

** Pretty much the Cololnel.

** The whole fake kidnapping, but especially dean coming in at the end with the TeddyRuxpin.

-->'''Teddy''':"I love sliding down rainbows!"
-->'''Dr.Venture''':Crack, Meth PCP, I Can get you anything you want, it'll be our little secret.
-->'''Teddy''':Let's Cuddle!
-->'''Dr.Venture''':You untie me and i'll do things your girlfreind would never do for you.
** Pretty much the Cololenel.

*** "Oh You beautiful defleated man, don't make me feel guilty for writing mean things about you on my blog!"
*** "Now while your head is up there take a look at my prostate, daddy fears the can-cer.
*** "I want you all to have solutions ready by the time I finish this juuice box.

** The whole fake kidnapping, but especially dean coming in at the end with the TeddyRuxpin.

-->'''Dr.Venture''': "This must be one of those Take Back the Night rallies... Great place to pick up chicks, by the way! Meow! Yeah, a little college tip there for you from the old man."

** How about the season two premier's Hank and Dean [[spoiler:Death Montage]]? It CrossesTheLineTwice ''thirteen times in a row,'' and has converted at least one person this troper knows into a fan of the show.

--> ''Dr. Venture'': Well [[ScoobyDoo Daphne]] I believe she got around quite a bit, but [[ScoobyDoo *Velma?*]] I always thought she was...
--> ''Action Johnny'': Everybody did, but I got a pack of Herpes that say otherwise.

* From ''The Better Man'', Triana is sitting with her cat watching Dr. Orpheus attempting to open a portal:
-->'''Dean''': "Can I pet your pussy [cat]?"
-->''[The cat gets angry and runs off]]''
-->'''Dean''': "Ahh, your pussy hates me!"
-->'''Triana''': "There was no irony in that, was there?"
** Also from "The Better Man", the entire 'gay dingus' conversation between Hank, The Alchemist, and Jefferson Twilight:
--->'''Hank''': Hey, can I ask you something? You're...gay, right?
--->'''Alchemist''': Yeah...
--->'''Hank''': What's it look like? I mean, does it look real or is it all frankenstein?
--->'''Alchemist''': Hank?
--->'''Hank''': Your dingus. Does it look real?
--->'''Alchemist''': What's this kid crazy talkin' about?
--->'''Jefferson''': He thinks you're transgender.
--->'''Alchemist''': Hank, it looks real because it ''is'' real. I'm gay, that doesn't mean I was born a woman! I have a regular "dingus," as you say.
--->'''Jefferson''': Hank, aren't you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
--->'''Alchemist''': Just a ''little''?
--->'''Hank''': Yeah, constantly.

-->'''Phantom Limb''': Behold! ''[drops his pants to reveal his invisible legs]''
-->'''Dr. Girlfriend''': What…happened to your legs?
-->'''Phantom Limb''': What do you know…of ''evil''?
-->'''Dr. Girlfriend''': Why? You..."eviled" your legs?
-->'''Phantom Limb''': Evil is misunderstood. Society slaps our wrists and tells us to simmer down while she wages her murderous wars, destroys our planet, and prays to the mighty dollar.
-->'''Dr. Girlfriend''': ...and then she made your legs invisible?

*** "My Guns all out of food!"
*** "I told you it was gum"
** The Operation thing, mostly when shore-leave joined in.
* And the Monarch get this awesome line when he first swoops in on the glider
** '''Monarch''': They're henchmen, you don't explain it to them. They do your bidding. When you say jump, they say, "What shark?"

** From Pomp & Circuitry:

'''Dr.Venture''': "This must be one of those Take Back the Night rallies... Great place to pick up chicks, by the way! Meow! Yeah, a little college tip there for you from the old man."

** '''Monarch''': They're henchmen, you don't explain it to them. They do your bidding. When you say jump, they say, "What shark?"

** Monarch: They're henchmen, you don't explain it to them. They do your bidding. When you say jump, they say, "what shark?"

*** "Okay were going to need a cyberbear and a helecopter."

** The Operation thing, mostly when shore-leave joined in.

** "Okay were going to need a cyberbear and a helecopter.

--->'''Councilman 5''': Einar’s was ready to sign, but Bjork’s lawyers just would not budge!

--->'''Jefferson''': He thinks your transgender.

-->'''Hank''': Hey, can I ask you something? You're...gay, right?
-->'''Alchemist''': Yeah...
-->'''Hank''': What's it look like? I mean, does it look real or is it all frankenstein?
-->'''Alchemist''': Hank?
-->'''Hank''': Your dingus. Does it look real?
-->'''Alchemist''': What's this kid crazy talkin' about?
-->'''Jefferson''': He thinks your transgender.
-->'''Alchemist''': Hank, it looks real because it ''is'' real. I'm gay, that doesn't mean I was born a woman! I have a regular "dingus," as you say.
-->'''Jefferson''': Hank, aren't you just a little ashamed of your ignorance?
-->'''Alchemist''': Just a ''little''?
-->'''Hank''': Yeah, constantly.