History Funny / TheSecretWorld

--> "This report reads better than Twilight slash fiction."

* Halfway into "Dawning of an Endless Night," you're searching for information on [[spoiler: Beaumont]]'s secret weapon, and Miss Usher, one of the surviving teachers at Innsmouth Academy, tells you that the info might be hidden in a secret vault the Illuminati were rumoured to store all their occult knowledge in. Unfortunately, nobody knows where this vault is hidden... [[TheNotSecret right up until the Headmaster and the surviving student starts volunteering information about it]], with Carter even providing exact directions and explaining that most of the seniors knew about it too.

* Nassir, the Marya demolitions expert with a fondness for American action films. He greets you with an enthusiastic "HIGH FIVE!", and the way he dances in the background of some cutscenes just has to be seen.

** Kirsten Geary nothing; she's got nothing on the Illuminati's highest of high-ups, The Pyramidion. The 'All-Seeing Eye' speaks only half the time in lines of relevant dialogue. The other half alternates between P.A. announcements (if you're in The Labyrinth) or context-relevant memes... like a boss.

-->'''Sonnac''':(via text message) I believe this impersonal mode of communication perfectly conveys my lack of surprise at the Illuminati's folly. Who would have thought that stockpiling flesh constructs could possibly backfire?

-->'''Sonnac''':(via text message) I believe this impersonal mode of communication perfectly conveys my lack of surprise at this turn of events. Who would have thought that stockpiling flesh constructs could possibly backfire?

* Communist Gnomes. That is all.

** The photo of Krieg and his LoonyFan - which Krieg threw away at the first opportunity. Words cannot express just how utterly ''furious'' Krieg looks compared to the fan.

* The Dragon's report in the aftermath of "Rolls Downhill," in which they discuss the Morninglight: first it talks about the cult's founder and leader, Philip Marquard, who is crafted to be perfect in every way: "Perfect family, perfect dog, perfect teeth." Then it talks about [[SmugSnake Che Garcia Hansson]], the effortlessly sleazy Morninglight cultist quest-giver, who is summarized as "Dead family, dumb dog, rotten teeth."

** "Ever banished a minor deity? Could be downright educational for you, a real oportunity; I should charge for this. (beat) Alright, it's on the house. [[BlatantLies You're killing me.]]

* Said, an Ancient Egyptian mummy who's reinvented himself as a yuppie. His introduction in "The High Cost Of Dying", in which he casually takes a photo of you with his smartphone.

-->'''Carter:''' Oh my God, have you ''ever'' heard of a white lie?

-->'''Carter:''' Oh my ''God,'' have you ever heard of a white lie?

** Another one from the Academy: Hayden Montag casually remarking that the best way to kill a feral {{Familiar}} is via "a swift, decapitating blow with a spade," and warning you not to use a fire-axe lest it "rebound from the vertebrae." Naturally, Usher has to ask if he knows this from first-hand experience; his only response: [[BadassTeacher "A teacher is only as good as his tools!"]]

** "As I would tell parents- before I was retired from the reparation comittee- you cannot vivisect a ghoul without breaking a few legs!"

** Montag is a fountain of these kind of moments, in no small part due to the fact that [[TheComicallySerious he's so direly serious]]. At one point, after pointing out that the protective wards need be refuelled with sacrifices of anima; Usher sarcastically remarks that they could have a sacrificial donation drive, or a bake sale. Without a hint of irony, Montag remarks "Delightful!"

** Another one from the Academy: Hayden Montag casually remarking that the best way to kill a feral {{Familliar}} is via "a swift, decapitating blow with a spade," and warning you not to use a fire-axe lest it "rebound from the vertebrae." Naturally, Usher has to ask if he knows this from first-hand experience; his only response: [[BadassTeacher "A teacher is only as good as his tools!"]]
** Montag is a fountain of these kind of moments, in no small part due to the fact that [[TheComicallyUnfunny he's so direly serious]]. At one point, after pointing out that the protective wards need be refuelled with sacrifices of anima; Usher sarcastically remarks that they could have a sacrificial donation drive, or a bake sale. Without a hint of irony, Montag remarks "Delightful!"

-->'''Usher:''' Well then, there you are- the "Secret" Illuminati Archives, [[SarcasmMode lost to the ages.]]

* Halfway into "Dawning of an Endless Night," you're searching for information on [[spoiler: Beaumont]]'s secret weapon, and Miss Usher, one of the surviving teachers at Innsmouth Academy, tells you that the info might be hidden in a secret vault the Illuminati were rumoured to store all their occult knowledge in. Unfortunately, nobody knows where this vault is hidden... [[TheNotSecret right up until the Headmaster and the surviving students starts volunteering information about it]], with Carter even providing exact directions and explaining that most of the seniors knew about it too.

->'''Usher:''' Well then, there you are- the "Secret" Illuminati Archives, [[SarscasmMode lost to the ages.]]

* Dame Julia Beatrix Tyburn. This old lady is funny as hell. Talking with you in a mix of uptightness and rambling. No wonder she became a Ensemble Darkhorse.

** Kirsten Geary nothing; she's got nothing on the Illuminati's highest of high-ups, The Pyramidion. The 'All-Seeing Eye' speaks only half the time in lines of relevant dialogue. The other half alternates between P.A. announcements (if you're in The Labyrinth) or context-relevant memes... like a boss.

--> "I FUCKING LOVE OLD SCHOOL HIP-HOP! DON'T YOU?"

* Kirsten Geary's introduction in the Illuminati prologue; given how serious most of the faction intros have been, it's a bit of a surprise, to say the least:

* Kirsten Geary's introduction in the Illuminati prologue:
-> "I FUCKING LOVE OLD SCHOOL HIP-HOP! DON'T YOU?"

* Doctor Bannerman's files, specifically the entry on [[FortuneTeller Madame Roget]]. Most of the entries up until now have been perfectly formal, with little in the way of sarcasm or rudeness; however, after detailing the fact that Roget suffers from deviant sexual fantasies including "an inappropriate doctor-patient relationship," Bannerman's only diagnosis is "Dy-na-mite!"