History Funny / TheHollywoodSquares

'''Celebrity:''' A girl from New Jersey!

-->'''Madame:''' Peter, I'm sorry you're leaving and not going to be on in the morning. I tried everything I could... I even fucked Silverman[[note]](Fred Silverman, then president of NBC.)[[/note]]. It's true, it's true!\\

'''Madame:''' It just goes to prove that you can fuck all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fuck with the people all of the time!

** After the X-player falls for Gilbert's bluff about Nellie Bly rowing the Atlantic Ocean in 72 days (the correct answer was going around the world), Tom says "If you're just tuning in, welcome to the Gilbert Gottfried Show."

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX3VDmB-taA&t=100s This]] Gilbert Gottfried mishap that led to an [[OverlyLongGag uncalled-for one-minute joke]].

'''Lynde:''' [[ADateWithRosiePalms Oh, loneliness.]]

* Tom would express frustration at explaining the rules every episode (especially when the contestants admitted they couldn't play tic tac toe)- one Whoopi episode had him going "It's tic tac toe, for god's sake!", and it came to the breaking point during the final week of ''H2'', where crew members played and he commented he no longer had to be nice to the contestants, and he then ranted "Some of those people didn't even know ''how to play Tic-Tac-Toe!''"

* From the ''H2'' days, this contestant's enthusiastic responses to winning a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKcwDlDkaGA car]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv7mNW_3JBs $25,000]], and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uby0czBMQpQ a trip around the world]], respectively; in fact, "enthusiastic" might be too strong a word....

* October 25, 2002: Charlie Brown picks the right key to open a safe containing $25,000. At one point during his celebration, Charlie throws the bills on the floor and makes a "cash angel" out of them.

-->'''Peter:''' According to genetic experts, do scientists think they'll really ever be able to slow down the effects of aging.\\

** Later on, Penn Jillette gives his answer to a question. The contestant disagrees. Penn was correct... [[spoiler:so he says "[[CallBack YOU FOOL!]]"]]
* Audience members have a good idea of the answer to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y45nmSyfDno#t=107s this question]] before Gilbert Gottfried does. [[spoiler:Even better, Gilbert and the audience member are both wrong.]]

* When given the question "What country has the highest ratio of doctors to population?", Creator/BuddyHackett gave a joke answer of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcTu0-1rqAU "the country with the most Jews!"]] with the equally joking reasoning that "We have a doctor in every family, it's a cousin, could be an uncle. Couple of specialists." He was then shocked when the contestant ''agreed'' with him, [[AccidentallyCorrectWriting and even more shocked when his answer (Israel) turned out to be right!]] (He had thought the correct answer was Sweden.)

-->'''Peter Marshall:''' What is it, now, that Underdog always says?

-->'''Bergeron''': I guess that Emmy nomination is shot to shit for another year!

* This from the John Davidson era:

* The "YouFool" incident, as mentioned on the main page - OverlyLongGag doesn't come ''close'' to describing it. The longest first thousand-dollar game in the history of ''Hollywood Squares'', the out-of-time sound effect played right after the last square was won, resulting in there being no Secret Square game (the prize meant to debut that episode debuted alongside the next Secret Square prize the next episode). [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFMaPUtCi9o YOU FOOL!]] indeed.
** Penn Jillette was generally crass to contestants. In the same episode he shouted, "You fool! You fool! Of ''course'' that's not the right answer! I gave it to you on a silver platter! Look at me! I lied!"
** "Creator/GilbertGottfried for the win!" Truer words were never spoken.
** After the X-player falls for Gilbert's bluff about Nellie Bly rowing the Atlantic Ocean in 72 days (the correct answer was going around the world), Tom says "If you're just tuning in, welcome to the Gilbert Gottfried Show."
** Going to commercial, Bergeron says "We'll be right back with more of the Gilbert Gottfried Hour!" When the break is over, Bergeron seriously states "Welcome back to Biography's tribute to Gilbert Gottfried."
** The final question to the round. The X-player agrees with Gilbert's answer that "smog" is a combination of the words smoke and fog. Cue Tom rising from his podium, exclaiming "'''SMOKE AND FOG!''''" with an expression on his face that just '''''SCREAMS''''' "Hallelujah!" Just before he asks said question, Tom says "By the way, if we run out of time during this or any other game, [[INeedAFreakingDrink we're all going out for drinks]]."
** He also tells the losing circle player that she's getting the usual $500 consolation prize and "it's in psychological counseling."

* She had plenty of groanworthy LargeHam moments on the show, but Creator/MelissaPeterman's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rK0__tMW2g#t=218s "Possessed at the Oscars"]] bit just about cracked everyone up.
** Later on, Penn Jillette gives his answer to a question. The contestant disagrees. Penn was correct... [[spoiler:so he says "[[CallBack YOU FOOL!]]"]]
* Audience members have a good idea of the answer to [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y45nmSyfDno#t=107s this question]] before Gilbert Gottfried does. [[spoiler:Even better, Gilbert and the audience member are both wrong.]]
** The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyLzkk5W114 uncensored, unedited footage from that episode]]. Hoo boy.

* At one point, when Rosie O'Donnell was one of the panelists, she asked Tom if they could swap places for a few questions, and he said "Sure, Why Not".
** Same episode, but not during the time they swapped seats,
--->'''Tom Bergeron:''' Which was the first [[Music/TheBeatles Beatle]] to perform in Moscow?
--->'''Rosie O'Donnell:''' (without missing a beat) Volkswagen![[note]]The correct answer was Paul [=McCartney=][[/note]]
* During one week, "Macho Man" Wrestling/RandySavage joked about how the bottom row of squares that week were the most-awesome. Who were the ones in the bottom row that week? Himself, Rip Taylor and '''Series/BearInTheBigBlueHouse'''.
** Randy Savage's interactions with Bear were often hilarious, such as performing a fist-bump with him.
** This little moment:
--->'''Tom Bergeron:''' Scientists say its physically impossible to keep your eyes open when you do it. When you do what?
--->'''Bear in the Big Blue House:''' [[TakeThat Watch C-Span.]] Have you seen it? "Mister speaker, the great state of-"ZZZZZ....
* Another hilarious Creator/GilbertGottfried moment:
-->'''Tom Bergeron:''' What should you do about a hairy back?\\
'''Gilbert Gottfried:''' I usually close my eyes and imagine she's wearing an alpaca sweater.\\
(''everyone laughs'')

* When Tom Bergeron was host, he'd express frustration at explaining the rules every episode (especially when the contestants admitted they couldn't play tic tac toe)- one Whoopi episode had him going "It's tic tac toe, for god's sake!", and it came to the breaking point during the final week of ''H2'', where crew members played and he commented he no longer had to be nice to the contestants, and he then ranted "Some of those people didn't even know ''how to play Tic-Tac-Toe!''"
* Meta example, but a mid-70s Creator/RichLittle special had this [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8-nmqm5RlM parody]] [[JustForFun/XMeetsY mashup]] of this and ''Film/TheToweringInferno'', ''The Towering Squares'', featuring much of the regulars (including Paul Lynde) on the actual set who are [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere trying to flee the smoking Squares]], and yet [[TheShowMustGoOn Peter Marshall continues with the game]] [[WeirdnessCensor as if nothing's wrong]].

* One episode during Tom Bergeron's run had him revealing the answer to a question before the contestant could say whether she agreed or disagreed with the celebrity's answer. Whoopi Goldberg quipped (paraphrased) "I think I hear the producers calling up [[MythologyGag John Davidson]] now!"
* From the ''H2'' days, this contestant's enthusiastic responses to winning a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKcwDlDkaGA car]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iv7mNW_3JBs $25,000]], and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uby0czBMQpQ a trip around the world]], respectively; in fact, "enthusiastic" might be too strong a word....
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9tWVkc8KxM This]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPErQgQdeqY episode]] from the Whoopi era has a carload of them, chiefly a CallBack to the "You Fool" incident thanks to another block-and-win situation with Gilbert (with Tom noting this time it was "mercifully short compared to the last time this happened"). It kicks off with Whoopi trying to claim disability from one of the contestants, then claiming the phrase "strike while the iron is hot" was invented by "[[BlackComedy the maid's union]]". Later on, she says in response to a question she was going to avoid any penis or Viagra jokes. Which was promptly followed up by a dose of HypocriticalHumor, as she then jokes in response to a zinger from Coolio about the "charity stripe" in basketball being tattooed across Dennis Rodman's ass that the stripe is a skidmark, followed by Tom pointing out "[[LampshadeHanging This from the woman who wouldn't do a Viagra joke.]]"

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOU9r1DcwGI This little known blooper]] from the Bergeron run, where Tom gets confused over who won the game and gets lambasted by Whoopi over the blunder.
-->'''Bergeron''': I guess that Emmy nomination is shot to shit for another year!

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WX3VDmB-taA&t=100s This]] Gilbert Gottfried mishap that led to an [[OverlyLongGag uncalled-for one-minute joke]].
* Jake Johannsen making the best of the word "differences" in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pZvtrPqbjo&t=605 this]] clip:
-->'''Bergeron:''' The National Enquirer tells us we'll be seeing something different about the actresses on Baywatch. What?\\
'''Johannsen:''' Next season, all the actors and actresses on Baywatch will be sporting the high-resolution plastic nipples from Japan.

** The final question to the round. The X-player agrees with Gilbert's answer that "smog" is a combination of the words smoke and fog. Cue Tom rising from his podium, exclaiming "'''SMOKE AND FOG!''''" with an expression on his face that just '''''SCREAMS''''' "Hallelujah!" Just before he asks said question, Tom says "By the way, if we run out of time during this or any other game, we're all going out for drinks."

* October 25, 2002: Charlies Brown picks the right key to open a safe containing $25,000. At one point during his celebration, Charlie throws the bills on the floor and makes a "cash angel" out of them.

* This zinger Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on the Bergeron era.

'''Triumph:''' Uh... Sally Jesse Raphael

** And at the tail end, the narrator informs us that playing on the same bill is ''[[Series/LetsMakeADeal Let's Make an Earthquake]]'', where you can see "Monty Hall crumble before your very eyes".

--->'''Bear in the Big Blue House:''' [[TakeThat Watch C-Span.]] Have you seen it? "Mister speaker, the great state of-ZZZZZ....