History Funny / TheBible

20th Jan '16 10:04:05 AM Naoto_best_waifu
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* If you're in the right mood, the start of Jacob's family can be seen as this. Leaving aside, for the moment that it's his cousins, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel. He tells her father that he wants to marry her, and yes, WHY he wants to marry her. They strike a deal that he will work for 7 years. Jacob does this, marries his bride, takes her home and starts the honeymoon. It's not until the next morning that he had married Leah, Rachel's sister. He works for seven more years to marry Rachel. And then the sisters start a very absurd war for his affection using pregnancy! At one point, when Rachel complains about not getting pregnant, you can see Jacob's frustration and even fatigue with his answer, "What do you think I'm God?"
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* If you're in the right mood, the start of Jacob's family can be seen as this. Leaving aside, for the moment that it's his cousins, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel. He tells her father that he wants to marry her, and yes, WHY he wants to marry her. They strike a deal that he will work for 7 years. Jacob does this, marries his bride, takes her home and starts the honeymoon. It's not until the next morning that he had married Leah, Rachel's sister. He works for seven more years to marry Rachel. And then the sisters start a very absurd war for his affection using pregnancy! At one point, when Rachel complains about not getting pregnant, you can see Jacob's frustration and even fatigue with his answer, "What "What, do you think I'm God?"

* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned has sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
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* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned has as sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
16th Jan '16 1:38:23 AM MasterofGalaxies4628
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Yes, even Literature/TheBible has its share of SugarWiki/FunnyMoments.
3rd Dec '15 1:38:17 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
3rd Dec '15 1:37:21 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him.
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
14th Nov '15 2:58:35 PM nombretomado
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** From that same book in the Old Testament, RobinWilliams suggested that the rain of frogs may have been Hebrews with catapults flinging them. And thank goodness it wasn't the French or else they'd be trapped.
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** From that same book in the Old Testament, RobinWilliams Creator/RobinWilliams suggested that the rain of frogs may have been Hebrews with catapults flinging them. And thank goodness it wasn't the French or else they'd be trapped.
15th Sep '15 10:07:18 PM Raxis
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* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned has sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
20th Jul '15 3:30:20 PM meryah16
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*** This isn't so much God hates figs, as it was an example of something which should have been acting according to nature (the tree should have been producing) instead being fruitless. Jesus is reminding the apostles of the consequences of disobedience.
19th Jan '15 9:36:22 AM Nyperold
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** Speaking of the plagues, those magicians were kind of idiots, weren't they? "Great. Just what we needed. ''More'' blood in place of water." "And frogs." They even tried with the lice/gnats/ticks/whatever, but couldn't. They do get the point and stop trying, though, and after boils stop them from standing before Moses, we just don't hear from them again.

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* You wouldn't think the laws regarding leprosy would have anything funny in it (outside of maybe the mental image of a man having to cover his upper lip and call out, "Unclean! Unclean!"), but it has this to say about baldness: -->As for the man whose hair has fallen from his head, he is bald, but he is clean.
19th Jan '15 9:14:41 AM Nyperold
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* Joseph tells the two men in prison with him what is possibly the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''!
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* Joseph tells the two men in prison with him what is possibly the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''!''off''! Even better is that both interpretations start with the same seven words in Hebrew[[note]]B'od sh'loshet yamim Far'oh et ro'sheka...[[/note]]. You can just see the baker smiling as he hears the same words that began the cupbearer's dream... then it falls as he realizes it's taken a much darker turn. ** That isn't even the first pun that story. When it says that Joseph's brothers hated him even more[[note]]Genesis 37:5 & 8[[/note]], it uses a word of the same root as his name.

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* Joseph tells the two men in prison ** Yes, yes, you can HaveAGayOldTime with him what is possibly the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''!that.

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* Joseph tells ** Cousins, ha. Remember who his ''grandfather'' married? His ''half-sister''. But recall that this is before the two men in prison laws regarding who one may have sex with him what is possibly were codified, and even when they were, cousins didn't make the oldest recorded pun in history while explaining their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''!"prohibited" list.

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* Joseph Tamar. Not the daughter of David, the one whom Judah's sons married. The first one, Er, died of an unspecified sin[[note]]Note also that "Er", ayin-resh, spelled backwards, is "ra", or "wicked", as in "But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the [[AC:Lord]]..."[[/note]]; his brother, who married her, died after "pulling out" before his seed could come out. Judah thought there was something wrong with ''her'', so even though he told her to wait until Shelah was grown, he delayed in giving her to him, so she dressed like a harlot, apparently knowing enough about Judah to know he'd go in to her. Instead of regular payment, she holds on to what amounts to his I.D., and after he leaves, she goes back to her father's house. She gets pregnant from the encounter, and someone tells the Judah, who's ready to have her stoned. She sends him his stuff and asks him to identify them (perhaps a way of saying, "It takes two men in prison with him to tango, dude", as well as being a mirror of what is possibly the oldest recorded pun he and his brothers did in history while explaining asking their dream interpretations : One gets his head lifted up, the other gets his head lifted ''off''!father to identify Joseph's robe). He backs down.
19th Jan '15 7:18:49 AM Ximei
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It's Pharaoh, not Pharoah.
--> '''Moses''': Are you ready, Pharoah? (tosses robe off dramatically and holds out his staff) SNAKE! I CHOOSE YOU!! (Dramatically throws it on the ground near Pharoah's feet, complete with lightening effects)
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--> '''Moses''': Are you ready, Pharoah? Pharaoh? (tosses robe off dramatically and holds out his staff) SNAKE! I CHOOSE YOU!! (Dramatically throws it on the ground near Pharoah's Pharaoh's feet, complete with lightening effects)

--> '''MOSES' SNAKE USES 'DEVOUR' ON PHAROH'S SNAKE (2)!!'''
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--> '''MOSES' SNAKE USES 'DEVOUR' ON PHAROH'S PHARAOH'S SNAKE (2)!!'''

--> '''Moses''': [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge This is only the beginning, Pharoh.]]
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--> '''Moses''': [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge This is only the beginning, Pharoh.Pharaoh.]]

--> '''Ramses''': [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney Screw the rules! I'm the Pharoah!]]
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--> '''Ramses''': [[ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney Screw the rules! I'm the Pharoah!]]Pharaoh!]]
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