History Funny / TheBible

28th Aug '16 8:38:15 AM Macgyver644200
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* Chapter 13 of Jeremiah has a very interesting message from the Lord. He tells Jeremiah to go buy a pair of linen undergarments, then put them on. Then He tells Jeremiah to take them off and leave them in water for a while, so that they won't fit. It actually includes the line "Just as undergarments are supposed to fit close to the body, so my people are supposed to fit close to me." It's a very surreal comparison.
4th Jul '16 11:17:15 PM Twoeyesshort
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** One can imagine this as the exact way Pharoh said it:
--> ''Pharaoh:'' Send six hundred of my [[EliteMooks best chariots ]] after them!
--> ''Scribe:'' *scribbles furiously*
--> ''Pharoh:'' Actually... No. Send AllOfThem.
--> ''Scribe:'' AllOfThem?
--> ''Pharaoh:'' AllOfThem.
--> ''Scribe:'' ...Crud. I've already written down six hundred...
--> ''[[BadBoss Pharaoh:]]'' Are you falsifying my orders?
--> ''Scribe:'' ...Aaaand the rest.
22nd Apr '16 12:25:56 AM MoPete
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* Gideon had a dream of a [[FoodEatsYou giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp]].

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* Gideon had heard about a dream of a [[FoodEatsYou giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp]].
17th Mar '16 4:03:18 PM Raxis
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* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned as sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg along with all the]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]

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* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. Isrealites in ''Exodus''. He's mentioned as sending six hundred of the best chariots of in Egypt, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg along with all the]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
20th Feb '16 11:07:03 PM Ninja857142
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** Well, duh! Everyone knows you're supposed to [[TooDumbToLive send the pawns last!]]
14th Feb '16 8:34:59 PM MasterofGalaxies4628
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* Gideon had a dream of a giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp.

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* Gideon had a dream of a [[FoodEatsYou giant loaf of bread destroying the enemy camp.camp]].



* Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered."
** [[JustForPun God hates figs!]]

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* Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered."
**
" You might say, [[JustForPun God hates figs!]]



* Judges 15:16 (NIV)--"Then Samson said, 'With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men.'" Now go to the King James version.
** Yes, yes, you can HaveAGayOldTime with that.

to:

* Judges 15:16 (NIV)--"Then Samson said, 'With a donkey's jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand men.'" Now go to the King James version.
** Yes, yes, you can HaveAGayOldTime with that.
version and HaveAGayOldTime.



* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned as sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]

to:

* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned as sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, Egypt, [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg along with all the]] [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
20th Jan '16 10:04:05 AM Naoto_best_waifu
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* If you're in the right mood, the start of Jacob's family can be seen as this. Leaving aside, for the moment that it's his cousins, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel. He tells her father that he wants to marry her, and yes, WHY he wants to marry her. They strike a deal that he will work for 7 years. Jacob does this, marries his bride, takes her home and starts the honeymoon. It's not until the next morning that he had married Leah, Rachel's sister. He works for seven more years to marry Rachel. And then the sisters start a very absurd war for his affection using pregnancy! At one point, when Rachel complains about not getting pregnant, you can see Jacob's frustration and even fatigue with his answer, "What do you think I'm God?"

to:

* If you're in the right mood, the start of Jacob's family can be seen as this. Leaving aside, for the moment that it's his cousins, Jacob meets and falls in love with Rachel. He tells her father that he wants to marry her, and yes, WHY he wants to marry her. They strike a deal that he will work for 7 years. Jacob does this, marries his bride, takes her home and starts the honeymoon. It's not until the next morning that he had married Leah, Rachel's sister. He works for seven more years to marry Rachel. And then the sisters start a very absurd war for his affection using pregnancy! At one point, when Rachel complains about not getting pregnant, you can see Jacob's frustration and even fatigue with his answer, "What "What, do you think I'm God?"



* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned has sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]

to:

* The actual wording when the Pharaoh deploys his soldiers to capture the escaping Isrealites. He's mentioned has as sending six hundred of the best chariots of Egypt, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment along with all the rest of the chariots in Egypt.]]
16th Jan '16 1:38:23 AM MasterofGalaxies4628
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Yes, even Literature/TheBible has its share of SugarWiki/FunnyMoments.
3rd Dec '15 1:38:17 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].

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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
3rd Dec '15 1:37:21 PM Miracle@StOlaf
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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him.

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* Numbers 22. Balaam's donkey starts talking to him. [[UnusallyUninterestingSight Balaam answers back like it's nothing out of the ordinary]].
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