History Funny / TheBible

5th Nov '17 8:06:01 PM BioSafety
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* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "###" in the Bible]]. Since the word "###" can also mean "donkeys", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ###]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.

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* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "###" "ass" in the Bible]]. Since the word "###" "ass" can also mean "donkeys", "donkey", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ###]]", ass]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.
4th Nov '17 4:37:21 AM Twoeyesshort
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Added DiffLines:

* In a general sense, all of the moments listed below come from a ''very'' old set of scriptures, which is typically handled delicately and has been translated into some PurpleProse esque modern versions. So, yes, you can and will end up reading an eloquent passage that's essentially Jesus getting exasperated at how dense his disciples are, people accusing the apostles of being drunk, and Haman backing himself into a corner, among other things.
15th Sep '17 7:37:53 PM OzGuy
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* Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered." You might say, [[JustForPun God hates figs!]]

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* Matthew 21:18-19-- "Early in the morning, as Jesus was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it except leaves. Then he said to it, 'May you never bear fruit again!' Immediately the tree withered." You might say, [[JustForPun God hates figs!]]



* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "ass" in the Bible]]. Since the word "ass" can also mean "donkeys", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ass]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.

to:

* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "ass" "###" in the Bible]]. Since the word "ass" "###" can also mean "donkeys", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ass]]", ###]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.
16th Aug '17 9:31:59 AM Gaby007
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* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her inability to conceive that she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene! Go home and get something against the hangover!".

to:

* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her inability to conceive that she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene! Go home and get something against the hangover!".hangover!".
* The first time they see Jesus walking on water, the Disciples outright freak out: "IT'S A GHOST!"
4th Jul '17 3:23:55 PM tyrekecorrea
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* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her unability to conceive she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene, go home and get something against the hangover!".

to:

* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her unability inability to conceive that she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene, go scene! Go home and get something against the hangover!".
4th Jun '17 2:07:40 PM nombretomado
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** The Internet, and TVTropes itself, is essentially this.

to:

** The Internet, and TVTropes Wiki/TVTropes itself, is essentially this.
23rd May '17 9:05:44 AM Gaby007
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* David's numerous [[PrayerOfMalice Prayers of Malice]] in the Book of Psalms, where he asks God to kill ne'er-do-wells. [[Irony Who would have thought that any component of any holy book]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice could be so unabashedly malicious]]?

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* David's numerous [[PrayerOfMalice Prayers of Malice]] in the Book of Psalms, where he asks God to kill ne'er-do-wells. [[Irony [[{{Irony}} Who would have thought that any component of any holy book]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice could be so unabashedly malicious]]?malicious]]?
* Before she became the prophet Samuel's mother, Hannah angsted so much about her unability to conceive she went to the Temple and wept and prayed for a son. When he saw her, High Priest Eli thought she was drunk and bluntly said "lady, stop making a scene, go home and get something against the hangover!".
22nd May '17 9:36:06 PM tyrekecorrea
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* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "ass" in the Bible]]. Since the word "ass" can also mean "donkeys", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ass]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.

to:

* A meta example, try [[https://youtu.be/Kz0TOQ1BF-M?t=2m6s searching the word "ass" in the Bible]]. Since the word "ass" can also mean "donkeys", it is [[HaveAGayOldTime used in some older versions of the Bible]]. But if you see it as the other kind of "[[DoubleEntendre ass]]", it's ''downright hilarious''.hilarious''.
* David's numerous [[PrayerOfMalice Prayers of Malice]] in the Book of Psalms, where he asks God to kill ne'er-do-wells. [[Irony Who would have thought that any component of any holy book]] [[CrossesTheLineTwice could be so unabashedly malicious]]?
11th Apr '17 2:26:48 AM Vampireandthen
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Added DiffLines:

** Haman really gets it good at one point. So, his plan to murder thousands of Jews is well underway. However, the king, while having a record read to him before bed, is told of how Mordecai, Haman's greatest enemy, saved his life from assassins once, and realises he never did anything to thank him. So, he asks Haman what should be done for a man the king wishes to honour. Haman thinks the king is going to honour him, and basically requests a massive parade, like, the biggest ever, with the man being honoured riding the king's own horse as another leads him, declaring, "This is the man the king wishes to honour!" And when he's finished speaking, the king agrees, and says that should be done for Mordecai. ''And Haman is the one who has to lead him about, declaring, "This is the man the king wishes to honour!"'' One can only imagine what his reaction must have been, knowing he just managed to give his greatest enemy a parade in his honour, which he must lead.
30th Mar '17 2:40:20 PM silverman2020
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-->"And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou?"

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-->"And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, [[SarcasmMode Where art thou?"thou?]]"
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.TheBible