History Funny / StoneColdSteveAustin

* [[http://youtu.be/RN9xFloK_js The Weakest Link]]. Anne: "Stone Cold! Why should we know you?" Austin: *clearing his throat* "What?"
** His explaination for voting for D-von was gold too
-->Anne: "Why D-von?"
-->Stone Cold: "I knew they'd team up against me, and I need to split them up now. I did it cuz I like him. Not much, but I like him"
-->Anne: "Did you consider voting for Debra?
-->Stone Cold: "I'm not that stupid. I may not get too many answers right today but if I vote against my wife, it'll be the dumbest thing I've ever done"

** What makes this moment even funnier? [[spoiler:Mr. Fly actually BEATS Austin! (Of course, this was due to interference from "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, who bashed Austin in the head with a coconut, but still...)]]
* Yes, you see this one coming from a mile away, but, it still works. On the March 15, 2004, ''Raw'', Sheriff Austin confronted Rene Dupree of ForeignWrestlingHeel TagTeam La Resistance about Dupree's French poodle Fifi, and said to "get rid of that French bitch." Dupree asked, "Are you calling Fifi a French bitch?" Austin: "No, I'm calling YOU a French bitch!"

-->'''Stone Cold:''' "I'm not a lawyer, but if you ask me wouldn't that be obstruction of justice?"

-->Stone Cold "Guy'll do anything to get a blowjob, won't he."

-->Stone Cold: "I drank a beer."
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "I drank another beer."
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: [[RuleOfThree "Three beers."]]
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "Four beers."
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "Five beers!"
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "[[NeverGetsDrunk Six beers!"]]
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "''Seven'' beers!"
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "''Eight beers!''"
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "''[[OverlyLongGag NINE BEERS!]]''"
-->Crowd: "WHAT!"
-->Stone Cold: "And a Bloody Mary."
-->Crowd: ''(erupts into applause)''

-->Stone Cold: [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers "And a Bloody Mary."]]

* When Vince revealed himself as the "Higher Power" and basically the mastermind behind his own daughter's traumatizing kidnapping, Linda promoted Austin to CEO of the WWF in revenge. While incredibly short, Austin's run as CEO led to a string of funny moments which included putting his managers' jobs on line via a beer drinking contest, filling Vince's office with "bullshit", and converting Wrestling/ShaneMcMahon's salary into the beer budget.

[[caption-width-right:250:[=McMahon=] 3:16 says I just pissed my pants!]]

** Made only the more absurd when, after Stunnering Santa, Wrestling/JimCornette, on commentary, yells out, "HE CRACKED KRIS' KRINGLE!"

-->Stone Cold: ''[[OverlyLongGag "NINE BEERS!"]]''

** Plently of YouTube commenters have noted whoever’s been throwing Austin his beers deserves to be in the WWE Hall of Fame.

* At [=WrestleMania=] 32, Xavier Woods tries to get Austin to dance with him. Austin plays along but as soon as Woods turns around, Austin
obviously [[FlippingTheBird flips him off]] and stuns him. Woods admitted the following day that he should have seen it coming.

** And then after he stunnered Byron...

* At [=WrestleMania=] 32, Xavier Woods tries to get Austin to dance with him. Austin plays along but as soon as Woods turns around, Austin stuns him. The next day, even Woods admitted he should have seen it coming.

* Austin holds Raw hostage and he calls out Vince [=McMahon=] because he says with pride that Creator/MikeTyson is [[RedBaron The Baddest Man on the Planet]]. Vince eventually comes down to the ring, and explains to Austin that "baddest man on the planet" is a figure of speech. Austin then calls [[FlippingTheBird his finger]] a figure of speech.

--->'''[[Website/{{Twitter}} @steveaustinBSR]]''': My sincere apologies for kicking @Wrestling/ByronSaxton dead square in the balls. I don't know what hurts more, his balls or my foot. I will go in for X-Rays tomorrow. Byron, ice em down for twenty minutes every other hour. [[ContinuityNod That's what Vince did]]. All the best #316day

--->'''[[Website/{{Twitter}} @steveaustinBSR]]''': My sincere apologies for kicking @ByronSaxton dead square in the balls. I don't know what hurts more, his balls or my foot. I will go in for X-Rays tomorrow. Byron, ice em down for twenty minutes every other hour. [[ContinuityNod That's what Vince did]]. All the best #316day

* Let's face it, the [[FinishingMove Stunner]] is a hilarity in itself, especially when the receiver sells by [[TheatricsOfPain flying through the air like they're on a bouncy castle]]. Special mention needs to go to Wrestling/KurtAngle and his 'falls like a tree being cut down' technique, anybody who [[SchmuckBait drinks Austin's beer]] spraying beer when they're hit, and, of course, [[Wrestling/DwayneJohnson The Rock]] bouncing and flopping like a dead fish long after the move has been hit.

-->Stone Cold: "I'm not a lawyer, but if you ask me wouldn't that be obstruction of justice?"