"Austin 3:16" might mean that Stone Cold just whipped your ass, but as evidenced by the moments below, it could very well also mean that he's just made you laugh your ass off.
- Austin 3:16 isn't supposed to be a Biblical reference. Now read Revelation 3:16 and see how appropriate it seems. Of course, he wasn't remotely trying to imply that his opponent was lukewarm in his faith.
- "If you put the letter S in front of the word 'Hitman,' you have my exact opinion of Bret Hart!"
- The Austin-Angle-McMahon skits during the controversial InVasion arc.
Austin: We don't need no stinkin' badges!
- Austin's attack on Vince in a hospital combines this with Crowning Moment of Awesome. Mostly because he beat Vince with a bedpan, shocked him with a defibrillator, and then forcefully gave him an enema.
- Filling one of Mr. McMahon's Corvettes up with cement.
- When Vince revealed himself as the "Higher Power" and basically the mastermind behind his own daughter's traumatizing kidnapping, Linda promoted Austin to CEO of the WWF in revenge. While incredibly short, Austin's run as CEO led to a string of funny moments which included putting his managers' jobs on line via a beer drinking contest, filling Vince's office with "bullshit", and converting Shane McMahon's salary into the beer budget.
- He and Booker T brawled all over a supermarket. When Booker heard the sound of a can opening behind him, the look on his face was priceless.
- "Price check on a jackass!"
- The funniest part was when Austin sang the first line of "That's Amore" and then bashed Booker over the head with a frozen pizza.
- Austin and Booker T had plenty of fun moments during their feud. One segment had Austin chasing Booker T all through a church, until suddenly they run into three nuns, who are in need of a ride to the orphanage. Not even Stone Cold can open up a can of whoop-ass in front of nuns, and thus Booker escapes. The best part is one nun pinching Austin's cheek and saying "Oh how cute, I bet you were an altar boy." Austin's frustrated expression is priceless.
- During the 2002 Royal Rumble, Austin and Triple H are in the ring with the Hurricane and the Hurricane goes the goozle on both off them, prepping them for a chokeslam. They sell it like he's The Undertaker or Kane for about five seconds before they both look at each other and realize they're being choked by the freakin' Hurricane. Just as it dawns on the Hurricane that he just grabbed the necks of the two most decorated wrestlers of the Rumble that year, they grab him by the back of the neck and throw him over the ropes.
- And earlier in the same match, Austin eliminated all three men in the ring within half a minute. He then mimed looking at his watch, and rolled two of them back into the ring to keep himself warmed up!
- After had spent a long time as a heel acting as McMahon's stooge, Austin finally came around and started being a badass again. Surprisingly, McMahon was happy for him, and decided to play a little song for Austin on his guitar. Austin acted interested, then asked if he could see the guitar for a moment. McMahon looked off for a second, and then Stone Cold wheeled around and smashed the guitar over McMahon's head.
- His feud with The Rock over the Intercontinental Championship. It ended with Austin not only throwing it off a bridge into a river, but outfitting The Rock for his own little expedition to go find it.
- His Twitter war with the sharks.
- Austin thinks Lance Storm is BOOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNG!!!
- Unfortunately, this had the effect of killing Storm's wrestling career, as his entire gimmick revolved around being The Comically Serious.
- The Weakest Link. Anne: "Stone Cold! Why should we know you?" Austin: *clearing his throat* "What?"
Anne: "Why D-von?"Stone Cold: "I knew they'd team up against me, and I need to split them up now. I did it cuz I like him. Not much, but I like him"Anne: "Did you consider voting for Debra?Stone Cold: "I'm not that stupid. I may not get too many answers right today but if I vote against my wife, it'll be the dumbest thing I've ever done"
- His explaination for voting for D-von was gold too
- His ECW promos. Filled with many a Take That! against Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW in general, they are pretty much Professional Wrestling's Crowning Moment of Funny.
- The Steve Austin Show, a podcast he started in April 2013, can show that he is more of a Cloudcuckoolander than he is on Twitter. The current reigning top funny moment is episode 7, Austin vs. the Fly, wherein after multiple incidents with a particularly annoying fly in Mexico, he gives a biology lesson on flies and goes to war with one Mr. Fly.
- What makes this moment even funnier? Mr. Fly actually BEATS Austin! (Of course, this was due to interference from "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, who bashed Austin in the head with a coconut, but still...)
- Yes, you see this one coming from a mile away, but, it still works. On the March 15, 2004, Raw, Sheriff Austin confronted Rene Dupree of Foreign Wrestling Heel Tag Team La Resistance about Dupree's French poodle Fifi, and said to "get rid of that French bitch." Dupree asked, "Are you calling Fifi a French bitch?" Austin: "No, I'm calling YOU a French bitch!"
- This promo on RAW before the upcoming 2002 Rumble, in which he talks about working on his beer belly to get a low center of gravity so he couldn't be thrown out of the ring, and then was planning on adding to it by going down to the WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-A-Burger.
- During the 1997 King of the Ring, Brian Pillman cut a promo about showing support for Bret Hart and his Foundation when unbeknownst to him, Austin was finished taking a break from the restroom and, in true Rattlesnake style, surprise-attacked him in the middle of the promo. He then dragged Pillman to the restroom and gave him a Swirlie.
- The greatest part of that was Austin standing behind Pillman and mercilessly trolling him silently before finally lowering the boom.
- Need to keep Stone Cold Steve Austin awake for a test? Just do what Dan Patrick did here.
- His contribution to a roast of Zakk Wylde.
- A favorite move of his is to knock his opponent into the corner and stomp on them, stop to give them a double salute, and finish off with a final stomp. It's pretty funny if it's the first time you've seen it.
- Stone Cold smashed three cars in backstage promos in his career. In addiction to the aforementioned Corvette, which he filled with cement, he also backed over a Lincoln belonging to the Rock with a monster truck, and hit D-Generation X's tour bus with a cement block attached to a crane, somehow causing it to explode.
- Stone Cold out of nowhere!
- For a time around 2003, Austin served as co-GM of Raw, but had the restriction that he couldn't stun anyone - much to his chagrin - unless they laid a hand on him. After a Raw taping, Chris Jericho, who was a heel at the time, was in the ring celebrating a win when Austin came down for a beer party. After about 15 minutes of verbal sparring between themselves as well as the crowd - which was funny enough on its own - Austin, as a truce, handed Jericho a beer, who accepted it, took a swig, and as Austin turned around, patted his back before going to walk off. With a perfect shit-eating grin on his face - and the crowd OOOOOH-ing as they knew what was coming - Austin proceeded to Stunner Jericho right out of the ring.
- Getting Mr. McMahon, Pat Patterson, and Gerald Briscoe arrested on RAW.
Stone Cold: "I'm not a lawyer, but if you ask me wouldn't that be obstruction of justice?"
- Stone Cold driving a Coors Light truck into the arena and hosing down The Corporation with beer. The look on Vince's face made it priceless.
- A lot of his stuff with Eric Bischoff as co-general manager of RAW, particularly torturing a hungover Bischoff.
- Austin tells a story of accompanying his wife to a vegan restaurant (because she is vegan) and the experience inside, which includes tricking the waiter into believing he's an activist against the picking and eating of plantains, and this explanation of why he went.
Stone Cold "Guy'll do anything to get a blowjob, won't he."
- At Wrestlemania XXXII, Xavier Woods tries to get Austin to dance with him. Austin plays along but as soon as Woods turns around, Austin stuns him.
- In the music video to his unused theme, "Oh Hell Yeah" by H-Blockx, it features Stone Cold as himself, but the size of Godzilla with people running away in fear except for the band. The funny part is while the song is describing what Stone Cold is all about, in the music video all he's doing is walking around bored until he spots the band, lets two of them on his arm, gets knee'd in the face by one of them, and just puts them down, nods and walks away.