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Funny: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin
"Austin 3:16" might mean that Stone Cold just whooped your ass, but as evidenced by the moments below, it could very well also mean that he's just made you laugh your ass off.

  • Austin 3:16 isn't supposed to be a Biblical reference. Now read Revelation 3:16 and see how appropriate it seems. Of course, he wasn't remotely trying to imply that his opponent was lukewarm in his faith.
  • "If you put the letter S in front of the word 'Hitman,' you have my exact opinion of Bret Hart!"
  • The Austin-Angle-McMahon skits during the controversial InVasion arc.
    Austin: We don't need no stinkin' badges!
  • Stone Cold Steve Austin's attack on Vince in a hospital combines this with Crowning Moment Of Awesome. Mostly because he beat Vince with a bedpan, shocked him with a defibrillator, and then forcefully gave him an enema.
  • Filling one of Mr. McMahon's Corvettes up with cement.
  • When Vince revealed himself as the "Higher Power" and basically the mastermind behind his own daughter's traumatizing kidnapping, Linda promoted Austin to CEO of the WWF in revenge. While incredibly short, Austin's run as CEO led to a string of funny moments which included putting his managers' jobs on line via a beer drinking contest, filling Vince's office with "bullshit," and converting Shane McMahon's salary into the beer budget.
  • He and Booker T brawled all over a supermarket. When Booker heard the sound of a can opening behind him, the look on his face was priceless.
    "Price check on jackass!"
  • During the 2002 Royal Rumble, Austin and Triple H are in the ring with the Hurricane and the Hurricane goes the goozle on both off them, prepping them for a chokeslam. They sell it like he's The Undertaker or Kane for about five seconds before they both look at each other and realize they're being choked by the freakin' Hurricane. Just as it dawns on the Hurricane that he just grabbed the necks of the two most decorated wrestlers of the Rumble that year, they grab him by the back of the neck and throw him over the ropes.
    • And earlier in the same match, Austin eliminated all three men in the ring within half a minute. He then mimed looking at his watch, and rolled two of them back into the ring to keep himself warmed up!
  • After had spent a long time as a heel acting as McMahon's stooge, Austin finally came around and started being a badass again. Surprisingly, McMahon was happy for him, and decided to play a little song for Austin on his guitar. Austin acted interested, then asked if he could see the guitar for a moment. McMahon looked off for a second, and then Stone Cold wheeled around and smashed the guitar over McMahon's head.
  • His feud with The Rock over the Intercontinental championship. It ended with Austin not only throwing it off a bridge into a river, but outfitting The Rock for his own little expedition to go find it.
  • His Twitter war with the sharks.
  • Austin thinks Lance Storm is BOOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNG!!!
  • The Weakest Link. Anne: "Stone Cold! Why should we know you?" Austin: *clearing his throat* "What?"
    • His explaination for voting for D-von was gold too
    Anne: "Why D-von?"
    Stone Cold: "I knew they'd team up against me, and I need to split them up now. I did it cuz I like him. Not much, but I like him"
    Anne: "Did you consider voting for Debra?
    Stone Cold "I'm not that stupid. I may not get too many answers right today but if I vote against my wife, it'll be the dumbest thing I've ever done"
  • His ECW promos. Filled with Take Thats against Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW in general, they are pretty much Professional Wrestling's Crowning Moment Of Funny.
  • The Steve Austin Show, a podcast he started in April 2013, can show that he is more of a Cloudcuckoolander than he is on Twitter. The current reigning top funny moment is episode 7, Austin vs. the Fly, wherein after multiple incidents with a particularly annoying fly in Mexico, he gives a biology lesson on flies and goes to war with one Mr. Fly.
    • What makes this moment even funnier? Mr. Fly actually BEATS Austin! (Of course, this was due to interference from "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka, who bashed Austin in the head with a coconut, but still...)
  • Yes, you see this one coming from a mile away, but, it still works. On the March 15, 2004, Raw, Sheriff Austin confronted Rene Dupree of Foreign Wrestling Heel Tag Team La Resistance about Dupree's French poodle Fifi, and said to "get rid of that French bitch." Dupree asked, "Are you calling Fifi a French bitch?" Austin: "No, I'm calling YOU a French bitch!"
  • This promo on RAW before the upcoming 2002 Rumble, in which he talks about working on his beer belly to get a low center of gravity so he couldn't be thrown out of the ring, and then was planning on adding to it by going down to the WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-A-Burger.
  • During the 1997 King of the Ring, Brian Pillman cut a promo about showing support for Bret Hart and his Foundation when unbeknownst to him, Austin was finished taking a break from the restroom and, in true Rattlesnake style, surprise-attacked him in the middle of the promo. He then dragged Pillman to the restroom and gave him a Swirlie.
    • The greatest part of that was Austin standing behind Pillman and mercilessly trolling him silently before finally lowering the boom.
  • Need to keep Stone Cold Steve Austin awake for a test? Just do what Dan Patrick did here.
  • His contribution to a roast of Zakk Wylde.
Austin AriesFunny/Professional WrestlingWade Barrett

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