History Funny / Stardust

'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' [[BluntYes Yes.]] Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look, do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non-human? No. And you know why? Because it's a field!\\

'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' Well...\\

'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' ''[taken aback]'' Well, that... that sounds rather final... I suppose I'd better just go home then...\\

'''Septimus:''' ''[seriously]'' No, Primus, I think you'll find that ''you'' killed the bishop by drinking out of the wrong cup. ''[{{beat}}]'' Oh, look, once you've finished wrestling with your conscience, may I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

* When Lamia magically drowns Septimus, his ghost appears next to those of his brothers, soaking wet. As he stares about in shock, Primus grabs part of his coat to put over his lap so that he ''finally'' has some coverage.

** There's also the fact that the ghosts are not only stuck waiting to move on, [[JacobMarleyApparel they're also stuck as they were at the moment of their death]] -- meaning Quintus has an axe sticking out of his head, Secundus has his hair billowing off to the side a ''heavily'' squashed face due to landing from a great height, and as Primus died in the bath, he spends his afterlife naked and constantly having to borrow his brothers' coat tails to preserve his dignity.

* Tristan during his makeover goes from having a very short, floppy haircut in one shot to long, past the shoulder hair in the next. This plus Tristan's confused expression sells the magic without any special effects necessary.

-->'''Septimus''': Am I the seventh son?
-->'''Soothsayer''': ''*throws the runes*'' Yes.

-->'''Soothsayer''': ''*throws the runes*'' Yes.
-->'''Septimus''': Has excessive begging or pleading ever persuaded me to spare the life of a traitor?

* Tertius's ghost sees that Tristan is in love with Yvaine and that [[CoitusEnsues coitus is about to ensue]], and excitedly tells the others, "Come and see this!", prompting the other ghosts to call him a pervert. This gains a certain {{Squick}} and comedy value when it turns out that Tristan is his nephew. One wonders if his shocked expression after TheReveal has something to do with this.

* Yvaine's first line in the book, "Ow. Fuck. Ow."

* Dunstan using very basic logic to why he should go through the wall.

'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' ''[taken aback]'' Well that... that sounds rather final... I suppose I'd better just go home then...\\

''[Suddenly Dunstan turns around and runs and crosses the wall]''\\

* The Bishop proposes a toast to Primus, Septimus and Tertius, unaware that someone has poisoned the wine:

'''Tertius:''' Hmmm. ''[He breaks the atmosphere with a laugh. He suddenly starts wheezing and he too collapses, dead.]''\\

'''Septimus:''' ''[seriously]'' No, Primus, I think you'll find that ''you'' killed the bishop by drinking out of the wrong cup. ''[{{beat}}]'' Oh look, once you've finished wrestling with your conscience, may I suggest you return to your chamber. Leave the quest for the stone to me.

** It really wasn't helped by Tristan's fantastic CrashIntoHello on Yvaine, and he first thinks she's his mother.
* Bernard, transformed into a woman, is seen sneaking looks at Yvaine in the bath. This is topped later, when he tries to serve poisoned wine to Tristan. Tristan asks for "her" name in the stables and "she" replies, in a very deep masculine voice, "Bernard". Which is enough to get Tristan to do a double take.

* Tristan's near perpetual 'What the hell' expression, being a FishOutOfWater (to begin with). Once he gets used to it, he seems all cool and confident, rolling with the weirdness. Then, he [[spoiler: runs into his mother and finds out he's the new King of Stormhold.]] His baffled expression during [[spoiler: the coronation]] is absolutely priceless.

* The background expression made by the shipmate who is winding up the gramophone in the middle of Tristan and Yvaine's DanceOfRomance - he looks really into it.

* Tertius's ghost sees that Tristan is in love with Yvaine and that [[CoitusEnsues coitus is about to ensue]], excitedly tells the others, "Come and see this!" prompting the other ghosts to call him a pervert. This gains a certain {{Squick}} and comedy value when it turns out that Tristan is his nephew. One wonders if his shocked expression after TheReveal had something to do with it.

** On a similar note, after Lamia makes Ferdy only capable of making chicken noises, Septimus tries to interrogate him. As Septimus gets more and more enraged by what he perceives as mocking, he stabs Ferdy with the line "What a freak." He then hands the knife to one of his men and tells him to "Clean this... thoroughly." Mark Strong's delivery just sells it.
* When Septimus finds Primus's dead body, we see that while Lamia has used her magic to get rid of the inn after her attempt on Yvaine's life failed, she somehow did not bother to destroy the bathtub.
* When Lamia magically drowns Septimus, his ghost appears with that of his brothers, soaking wet. As he stares about in shock, Primus grabs part of his coat to put over his lap so that he ''finally'' has some coverage.
** Later, when Lamia animates Septimus's corpse to fight Tristan, the other six dead princes turn to look at Septimus's ghost. The look on his face is somewhere between "WTF?" and "Um, don't look at ''me.''"
* As his father lays on his death bed, he tells [[PrinceCharming Secundus]] to look out the window and tell him what he sees. While dimbulb Secundus guesses, "My kingdom?" hopefully, and the triumphant musical score makes him think he's about to be declared the heir...then the king subtly encourages Septimus to [[DestinationDefenestration push him to his death]]. As Secundus falls, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uopoXtR0Kjk the king begins laughing uproariously as the camera pans up to Secundus's ghost joining the ghosts of the other dead brothers.]]

'''Quartus''': Least you haven't lost your looks. ''[he, Quintus and Sextus snicker]''\\

** There's also the fact that the ghosts are not only stuck waiting to move on, [[JacobMarleyApparel they're also stuck as they were at the moment of their death]] -- meaning Quintus has an axe sticking out of his head, Secundus has a ''heavily'' squashed face due to landing on it from a great height, and as Primus died in the bath he spends his afterlife naked and constantly having to borrow his brothers' coat tails to preserve his dignity.
** The Ghosts of the Dead Princes make a great GreekChorus in general, such as sniggering in the background when Septimus very briefly thinks he's King after finding Primus' body. Primus, meanwhile, is strolling alongside him and wearing the smuggest expression possible, just waiting for Septimus to realise he needs to find the ruby.
* When Sal restores Tristan to human form, he groggily says [[WrongNameOutburst "Victoria"]] to Yvaine before collapsing. Prompting her to give him a magnificent DeathGlare.

* The background expression made by the shipmate who is winding up the gramophone in the middle of Tristan and Yvaine's DanceOfRomance.

* Septimus's response to his father's not unreasonable suspicion that he offed his missing sister Una, whom ''we'' know is Ditchwater Sal's slave and Tristan's mother: "Why would I kill my sister when these two cretins are still alive?"

* Tertius's ghost sees that Tristan is in love with Yvaine and tells the others, "Come and see this!" prompting the other ghosts to call him a pervert.

'''Septimus:''' ''[to Primus]'' [[YouExclamation You!]] ''[Septimus clutches his throat and chokes on the poison, and collapses, seemingly dead. Primus' eyes light up in realization that he is now the future king of Stormhold. He picks up the crown reverently, accompanied by swelling music...which abruptly [[LettingTheAirOutOfTheBand peters out]] when Septimus suddenly bursts out laughing and stands up sporting a wild grin.]''\\

-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' So! Name your best price.
-->'''Ferdy:''' For 10,000 bolts?
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' 10,000 bolts of finest quality Grade A.
-->'''Ferdy:''' Yeah, but it's difficult to ship, isn't it? Difficult to store. If I get the revenue man in here sniffing around. Uhmmm... Best price: 150 Guineas.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' ''[to his crew]'' Gentlemen, put the merchandise back on board and prepare to sail.
-->'''Ferdy:''' Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, Cuddles. 160? 160.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' Seeing as I'm feeling particularly generous today, I'll settle for 200.
-->'''Ferdy:''' 200? Okay, you're having a laugh. ''[laughs]'' Have you had your head in that? Has he been staying up where the air's too thin? ''[emits a "cuckoo" whistle and lifts his hat off his head to emphasize it]''
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' ''[darkly]'' You're being very rude.
-->'''Ferdy:''' Not any more.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' 200.
-->'''Ferdy:''' 180.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' 200.
-->'''Ferdy:''' That's not negotiation! I'm changing my number, 185!
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' Did I hear 200?
-->'''Ferdy:''' From you, you did. Yeah.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' You said 200?
-->'''Ferdy:''' If I did, you're a ventriloquist. Okay, 195. Final offer.
-->'''Captain Shakespeare:''' 195 it is. ''[they shake hands]'' So, with sales tax, that's... let's see... 200.
-->'''Ferdy:''' ''[resignedly]'' Brilliant. Put it in the back.

-->'''Quartus, Quintus, Sextus''': Secundus!
-->'''Secundus''': Sextus, Quartus, Quintus? You're alive! ''[the three shake their heads]'' Oh. I'm-
-->'''Sextus''': -stuck like this until the new king is crowned.
-->'''Secundus''': I was ''that'' close!
-->'''Quartus''': Least you haven't lost your looks. ''[he, Quintus and Sextus snicker]''
-->'''Secundus''': Oh, please, you're not annoyed about that whole murder thing, are you? I'm mean, that was ten years ago.
-->'''Quartus''': Yeah, great deal of good it did killing me, didn't it, Secundus? Because now, of course, you are King of all Stormhold. Oh, sorry, wait, you're dead.

-->'''Guard:''' I'm charged with guarding the portal to another world, and you're asking me to just let you through!
-->'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' [[BluntYes Yes.]] Because, let's be honest, it's a field. Look, do you see another world out there? No, you see a field. Do you see anything non-human? No. And you know why? Because it's a field!
-->'''Guard:''' Hundreds of years this wall's been here. Hundreds of years this gap's been under a twenty-four-hour guard.
-->'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' Well...
-->'''Guard:''' One more word, and I'll have you up in front of the village council!
-->'''Young Dunstan Thorn:''' ''[taken aback]'' Well that... that sounds rather final... I suppose I'd better just go home then...
-->'''Guard:''' Right then. Night, Dunstan. ''[Dunstan begins to walk away]'' Give my best to your father.
-->''[Suddenly Dunstan turns around and runs and crosses the wall]''
-->'''Guard:''' Stop! Stop!

-->'''Tristan:''' Oh, excuse me, madam, sorry, this may see strange but, have you seen a fallen star anywhere?
-->'''Yvaine:''' ''[laughs bitterly]'' You're funny.
-->'''Tristan:''' No, really! We're in a crater, this must be where it fell.
-->'''Yvaine:''' Yeah, this is where it fell. It is. Or if you want to be really specific, ''[points to the sky]'' up there is where this weird bloody necklace came out of nowhere and knocked it out of the heavens when it was minding its own business. ''[points to a few feet away]'' And over ''there'' is where it landed. ''[points to herself]'' And right here, this is where it got hit by a ''magical, flying '''moron!'''''
-->''[Tristan goes bug-eyed]''
-->'''Tristan:''' ''You're'' the star?! You're the star? Really? Oh, wow! I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd be a... [[PreemptiveApology Oh, I, may I just say in advance that I'm sorry.]]
-->'''Yvaine:''' Sorry for what?
-->'''Tristan:''' For this. ''[Tristan takes out the enchanted chain and ties it around Yvaine's wrist]'' Now, if I'm not mistaken this means you have to come with me. You're going to be a birthday gift for Victoria, my true love.
-->'''Yvaine:''' [[SarcasmMode But of course!]] Nothing says "romance" like the gift of a kidnapped, injured woman! I'm not going anywhere with you!

* When Tristan first turns back from mouse to human, he groggily says "Victoria" to Yvaine. Prompting her to give him a magnificent DeathGlare.
--> "I think I preferred [[CallBack 'mother']]."

-->''[Tristan makes the most priceless face at realizing...]''
-->'''Tristan:''' ''You're'' the star? You're the star? Really? Oh, wow! I'm sorry, I had no idea you'd be a... Oh, I, may I just say in advance that I'm sorry.

--->'''Pirate:''' It's alright, captain. We've always known you were a whoopsie!

* At the wedding/coronation at the end, Captain Shakespeare gives a glance and knowing wink to Humphrey, who returns a faint smile and a possible return wink, meaning he's either bisexual, he's a crossdresser, he's gay and Victoria's TheBeard, or he's [[NotSoAboveItAll just rolling with the weirdness]], much to Victoria's dismay. After this, we also see a priceless reaction shot of Victoria [[SilentSnarker rolling her eyes at Tristan and Yvaine's kiss, as if to say "Whatever!"]]

** There's also the fact that the ghosts are not only stuck waiting to move on, [[JacobMarleyApparel they're also stuck as they were at the moment of their death]] -- meaning Quintus has an axe sticking out of his head, Secundus has a ''heavily'' squashed face due to landing on it from a great height, and as Primus died in the bath, he spends his afterlife naked.

** There's also the fact that the ghosts are not only stuck waiting to move on, they're also stuck as they were at the moment of their death -- meaning Quintus has an axe sticking out of his head, Secundus has a ''heavily'' squashed face due to landing on it from a great height, and as Primus died in the bath, he spends his afterlife naked.

** There's also the fact that the ghosts are not only stuck waiting to move on, they're also stuck as they were at the moment of their death -- meaning Quintus has an axe sticking out of his head, Secundus has a 'heavily'' squashed face due to landing on it from a great height, and as Primus died in the bath, he spends his afterlife naked.

* When Lamia animates Septimus's corpse to fight Tristan, the other six dead princes turn to look at Septimus's ghost. The look on his face is somewhere between "WTF?" and "Um, don't look at ''me.''"

** Alongside Bernard, Lamia also turns Billy, Bernard's goat, into a human. Thing is, Billy doesn't have a human brain, so he continues to act like a goat, such as leaping over furniture rather than walking around it, and eating inedible materials that a human shouldn't consume, much to [[FacePalm Lamia's exasperation]] while she's trying to lure Yvaine into her trap.