History Funny / SpongeBobSquarePantsSeason2

'''Patrick:''' [[OverlyLongGag Leedle-leedle-leedle-lee!]] ''(Flying Dutchman tries to howl but Patrick interrupts him)'' [=OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo=]! ''(Flying Dutchman tries to howl again but Patrick interrupts him)'' [=OOOOOoooooOOOOOooooo=]!\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Oh yeah? What if I said... blargle fedibble nohip?\\

!!32B - The Smoking Peanut

'''Patrick''': Hey, we are ''not'' chicken! ''(drops his popcorn)'' My popcorn! ''([[IResembleThatRemark bends down and pecks at it]])''

'''Patrick''': Hey, we are ''not'' chicken. ''(drops his popcorn)'' My popcorn! ''([[IResembleThatRemark bends down and pecks at it]])''

-->'''Mr. Krabs''': What?! Wait! Wait! Don't go!\\

'''Harold''': [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Oh yeah. We're definitely outta here.]]

-->'''Squidward:''' (''looking into mirror'') Repeat after me: I will not go back to the Krusty Krab! (''His reflection becomes [=SpongeBob=]'s'')
-->'''[=SpongeBob=] reflection:''' I will destroy the Krusty Krab!

-->'''Patrick''': What is wrong with you people?! Afraid to look ugliness in the face? Well, ''HERE!'' ''(holds [=SpongeBob=] up in front of the audience)'' Look at it! It's ugly, isn't it? ''(holds [=SpongeBob=] up to one part of the audience)'' YOU LOOK AT IT!\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Hello. ''(people run away)''\\
'''Patrick''': ''(holds [=SpongeBob=] up to another part of the audience)'' YOU LOOK AT IT!\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Hi. ''(people run away)''\\

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''(entering the cinema's bathroom)'' Patrick, is everything OK in here? ''(he hears Patrick sobbing. He opens a stall door and sees Patrick sitting with a bag over his head)'' What are you doing in there, Patrick?\\
'''Patrick''': Wouldn't you like to know?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': And why is that bag on your head?\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Just remember what we talked about. There's power in pride.\\
'''Patrick''': That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! ''[his breath reaches [=SpongeBob=] and he holds his nose in disgust]'' I'm almost as ugly as you! I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don't know what I'd do.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Patrick...?\\
'''Patrick''': What's my mom gonna say?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Patrick??\\
'''Patrick''': Oh my gosh, if my sister finds out, wait, I don't have a sister, if the bank, I mean it's one thing if you have bad shoes or even bad hair, but...\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''[he grows, towering over Patrick]'' '''''[[SayMyName PAAAATRIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!]]''''' ''[he goes back to normal]'' You're not ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad. ''[Patrick sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of a skull and crossbones]''\\
'''Patrick''': Ahhhhhhhh, What a relief...\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''[his eyes water from the foul smell]'' GAAAWWWW, ''BARNACLES'', Patrick! What did you eat?!\\
'''Patrick''': Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''(holding nose)'' No, I mean just this morning.\\
'''Patrick''': [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...]]\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''(holding nose)'' What else?\\
'''Patrick''': Well, I had some of your sundae.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Sundae... ''(he whips out what's left of it)'' Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]''': I mean, we're not ugly, we just stink!\\
'''Patrick''': Stink? ''(the two cheer and run around in circles chanting)''\\
'''Both''': We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!\\

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Hey Squidward, guess who got a job? [Patrick]\\
'''Squidward''': Guess who just ''quit?'' ''(drops hat and leaves)''

-->'''Patrick:''' '''''WHY CAN’T I DO ANYTHING RIGHT!?'''''

'''Patrick''': Thanks.\\

'''Patrick''': (thinking) At least I'm safe inside my mind.\\

-->'''Squidward''': He's an inanimate object; his money's no good here!\\
'''Mr. Krabs''': ''(popping out of the register)'' What're ya' saying, Mr. Squidward? ''Everyone's'' money is good here.\\

'''Mr. Krabs''': At the Krusty Krab, we serves all kinds!\\
'''Squidward''': I'm not taking an order for a bubble!\\
'''Mr. Krabs''': Sure ya' are! [[BadBoss Or I'll fill your life with misery and woe!]] ''(goes into register; eyes come back up)'' [[DisproportionateRetribution Even if you quit.]]

-->'''Squidward''': [[SarcasmMode How about a glass of our finest shampoo?]] ''(laughs)''\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': [[SarcasmBlind Sounds great!]] ''(Squidward looks annoyed that he took his comment literally, and returns with the beverage)''\\
'''Squidward''': Here's your hair care product, sir.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Uhh, Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws. ''(Squidward bends the straw)'' Huh, what's that? Bubble Buddy says it tastes funny. What do you think?\\
'''Squidward''': Mr. Krabs!\\
'''Mr. Krabs''': ''([[{{Squick}} chewing food for elder customer]])'' Think of the customer.\\
'''Squidward''': ''(takes a sip of the shampoo)'' Oh, silly me. I got the ''diet'' shampoo. \\

'''Squidward''': Here we go, one of everything for Bubble Buddy.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''[gasps]'' Oh, no, Squidward, wait! There's ''cheese'' on these patties!\\
'''Squidward''': And?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Bubble Buddy's lactose-intolerant, he can't eat cheese! What should we do?\\
'''Squidward''': ''We?!'' How about ''you'' take these patties and sho...\\
'''Mr. Krabs''': [[CurseCutShort Mr. Squidward!]]\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Don't worry, Bubble Buddy. Squidward will make a fresh batch.\\

'''Squidward''': What, is he allergic to bread, too?\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Actually he doesn't like the crust. And Squidward, the ketchup should be under the patty. And Squidward, the pickles should be on the left side. And Squidward, you should... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward... And Squidward...\\
'''Squidward''': ''Here'', one of everything! No cheese, no crust, pickles to the left, four squirts of ketchup, wheat buns, non-dairy lettuce, and farm-raised tomatoes, carnival-style! And if there's anything else I can do, '''''please''''' hesitate to ask!

-->'''Fish''': He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops, and delivered a plague unto our houses!\\
'''Crowd''': He ''did''?!\\
'''Fish''': No, but are we just gonna wait around until he ''does''?!

-->'''Bubble Buddy''': Whoa! ''(crowd gasps)'' Hey, don't I get a say in this? I'll see you later, [=SpongeBob=]. Things are getting a little ''weird'' around here. ''(floats away)'' [[BrickJoke Happy Leif Erickson Day!]]

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Eleven times as a matter of fact.\\

-->'''Imaginary!Mr Krabs''': The way I see it, he's only got until sunset.\\

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. As long as these pants are square, and this sponge is Bob... ''(lifts his arms up)'' I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!\\
'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, [=SpongeBob=]? ''(camera zooms out to reveal [=SpongeBob=] holding Mr. Krabs above his head)'' [[AmbiguousSyntax Could ya]] [[LiteralMetaphor let me down?]]

-->'''Robot Krabs''': '''NOTHING STANDS BETWEEN ME AND THAT SECRET FORMULA NOW! HA! HA! HA!''' ''(snaps off some of the Krusty Krab sign pole)'' '''HA! HA! HA! HA! HA--''' ''(sign falls on top of him)'' '''OUCH!'''

-->'''Plankton''': '''BUT WE DID EVERYTHING YOU SAID! I FOLLOWED ALL THE RULES!''' '''''I EVEN ATE 105 BLACK LICORICE JELLYBEANS THROUGH A STRAW!'''''

-->'''Patrick''': ''(yanks on a cord on his pants; they inflate like a balloon, making Patrick float above the ground with only his eyes and the top of his head showing) (muffled)'' Inflatable pants! What's your idea?

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': ''(wakes up with a start)'' Patrick! How long have we been sitting here?\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]''': What if Mr. Krabs was right? Maybe my idea ''is'' dumb! ''(starts crying)''\\
'''Patrick''': [=SpongeBob=], sometimes we have to look deep inside ourselves to solve our problems.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': I'm scared!\\
'''Patrick''': Then I'm going in for ya! ''(he proceeds to climb into [=SpongeBob=] through one of his pores; [=SpongeBob=] suddenly inflates, his eyes spinning dizzily)'' Sorry! [[BrickJoke Stupid inflatable pants!]] ''(he climbs out of [=SpongeBob=])''\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Did you find anything?\\
'''Patrick''': Huh?

-->'''Mr. Krabs''': What's wrong with you?\\
'''Frank''': [''turns off a light to reveal his tongue is glow-in-the-dark and is pulsing green''] We want our money back. All 46,853 of us. [''turns the light back on, [[StealthHiBye but Mr. Krabs is nowhere to be seen]]''.]\\
'''Harold''': Hey, where’d he go?\\

'''Crowd''': GET HIM!\\

'''Mr. Krabs''': My key! Where's my key?! (''recalls he gave it to [=SpongeBob=]'') [=SpongeBob=]! (''bangs the door trying get [=SpongeBob=]'s attention'') [=SpongeBob=], let me in! [=SpongeBob=], let me in! (''[=SpongeBob=] is too busy happily rubbing the two pickles together, and can't hear Krabs due to the pickles squeaking'') [=SpongeBob=]! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! LET ME IN! (''screams as he is chased left and right by the mob, still vainly yelling for [=SpongeBob=]'s attention'')

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': You're wrong! There's nothing wrong with getting kisses from your grandma!\\
'''Charlie''': Nooo. 'Specially if you're a ''BIG BABY'' who wears ''DIAPERS''!! ''(group laughs)'' And sucks his thumb, and plays with dolls, and, um... wears pajamas with feet in 'em, and carries his, um... blankie around, and uh...\\
'''Group''': ''(annoyed)'' ALL RIGHT ALREADY!!!

* '''[=Patrick=]''': (eating a cookie until he reaches to the finger) OW! MY WIDDLE FINGER!

-->'''Man''': I've seen more alert people in a retirement home!\\
'''Squidward''': Oh, which way to the "living without a brain" seminar? Don't be late!\\
'''Man''': I've heard better comebacks from a turkey sandwich. Get a life! ''(walks away)''\\

'''Squidward''': This place is ''better'' than I expected!

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''': Well, we know one thing: it sure isn't ''that'' guy!

-->'''Patrick''': Liar, liar, [[MondegreenGag plants for hire]].\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': It's ''pants on fire'', Patrick.\\
'''Patrick''': Well you would know, liar.

-->'''Squidward''': He made me a present? *scoffs* It's probably a jellyfish net or an old Krabby Patty. Or...''(in redneck voice with buck teeth)''...his favorite underpants!

-->'''Sandy''': (cheerfully) During hibernation, animals do not like to be woken up, so do not disturb! (camera closes in on her face, which turns deadly serious) [[EspeciallyZoidberg That means you, SpongeBob.]]

'''Patrick''' ''[[MemeticMutation (with a stupid face):]]'' [[PreemptiveDeclaration Who ya callin' Pinhead?]] I wanna be Dirty Dan.\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]''': What makes you think you could be Dirty Dan?\\
'''Patrick''': ''(proudly)'' I'm dirty.

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' (thinking) At least I'm safe inside my mind.\\

'''Square fish:''' ''(in a poor imitation of [=SpongeBob=])'' [[CatchPhrase I'm ready! I'm ready!]]\\

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]''' I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud! I am ugly and I'm proud!\\

'''Patrick:''' Confess? Are you outta your mind?! Do you have any idea what they do to people like us?! We're not talking about [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking some dumb mail fraud scheme or hijacking here! WE STOLE A BALLOON!]] And they're gonna lock us up forever!

-->'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' [[{{Catchphrase}} We're ready!]]\\
'''Patrick:''' [[NonSequitur Ying!]] ''([=SpongeBob=] pushes the button)''\\

** The "Patrick" ending has Squidward and [=SpongeBob=] cheering him to think hard on his wish. Patrick ends up wishing for gum instead, which he then proceeds to offer to [=SpongeBob=] and Squidward (who take the offer and [[ThisIsGonnaSuck don faces of resignation]], knowing they're screwed).

** Two other fish in the background look on a Patrick with equally nonchalant expressions at his stupidity.

-->'''Squidward:''' ''Hello, you've reached the house of [[DreadfulMusician unrecognized talent]], please start after the-(plays a note on his clarinet)".
-->'''Squilliam:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike "Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh old chum?"]]

* The episode begins with Gary walking in on [[DemographicallyInappropriateHumour SpongeBob eagerly watching a dance anemone with go-go music in the background]].

* After Sandy rescues the four sea creatures from being attacked by seagulls and they float back down to the bottom of the sea, Squidward lands upside-down. He remains that way even when Mr. Krabs leads them in "Three cheers for feelin' sorry for ourselves!" (the last "Hooray" of which is muttered by the now heavily-bandaged seagull puppets).

* The [[AcidTripDimension Fly of Despair]] and the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhd-StTTrvA Perfume Department]].

'''Sandy:''' Ow! Why you...! ''(Sandy begins beating Patrick up. The fight tumbles outside)''\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''(sticks his foot out)'' ''Say it or I'll trip you!''\\

'''Sandy:''' Run faster!\\
'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''(rolls his eyes)'' I could have thought of that...hey, wait a minute! I was ''right'', wasn't I?!\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Ah, he IS too big for you, isn't he?\\

'''[=SpongeBob=]:''' I want to hear you say it.\\

'''Sandy:''' NOT NOW!\\

'''Sandy:''' ''OKAY!'' You were right, and I was wrong! I was ''wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong-wrong!'' Are you happy now?!\\

''(her two children grin ear to ear, wink, and give a thumbs up)''\\

* Sandy charges into the cave where she thinks the worm is hiding as [=SpongeBob=] whimpers and hides behind a rock. The fight seems to go Sandy's way, but [=SpongeBob=] spends the fight trying to get her attention, as there is something she doesn't know...
-->'''Sandy:''' ''(having tied the worm in a knot)'' Boy howdy! This critter put up some sorta fight! But I'm from Texas, and as you can see, no worm is a match for me! I even found my tail! ''(turns around to show her tail tied to the stump where the worm bit it off)''\\

-->'''The Worm:''' ''(grimacing)'' Ooouuuuuch.

*** What makes it funnier is that when [=SpongeBob=] gets a whole heap of awards delivered to him, Patrick ''loses it.''

'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, [=SpongeBob=]? ''(camera zooms out to reveal [=SpongeBob=] holding Mr. Krabs above his head)'' [[LiteralMetaphor Could ya let me down?]]

- ->'''Mr. Krabs:''' Say hello to me Pearl!\\

-->'''Squidward:''' ''Hello, you've reached the house of [[DreadfulMusician unrecognized talent]], please start after the-(plays a note on his clarinet)".\\
'''Squilliam:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike "Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh old chum?"]]

** Even funnier, when Squidward's phone rings a moment after he shuts the door on them: -->'''Squidward:''' ''Hello, you've reached the house of [[DreadfulMusician unrecognized talent]], please start after the-(plays a note on his clarinet)".\\
'''Squilliam:''' [[StrangeMindsThinkAlike "Sounds as though you've got a dying animal to attend to, eh old chum?"]]\\