History Funny / SamAndMaxFreelancePolice

* In the same issue cultist are preparing to sacrifice Max to a volcano god. As the head cultist prepares to drive the ceremonial dagger through Max's heart, Max is saved at the last second by [[spoiler: the cultist suffering from {{spontaneous combustion}}.]]

* In the same issue cultist are preparing to sacrifice Max to a volcano god. As the head cultist prepares to drive the ceremonial dagger through Max's heart, Max is saved at the last second by [[spoiler: the cultist suffering from spontaneous combustion.]]

-->''You crack me up, little buddy.''

!!''Sam and Max'' comics

!!''Sam and Max: Freelance Police'' cartoon

* From the first episode:
-->'''Sam:''' Gee, I don't know anybody who could firebomb kittens...\\
'''Max:''' Here, let me!
* Also from the first episode, upon discovering a strange radioactive-looking slime on the floor of The Geek's lair:
-->'''Max:''' Ooh, what's that?? It looks like an extremely toxic, virulent form of plague...
-->''[Sam scoops some off the floor with his finger and eats it.]''
-->'''Sam:''' But ''tastes'' like butter!
* Upon entering a deserted town by a swamp
-->'''Sam:''' Curious. What could account for such a bizarre fluctuation of the populace? War? Famine? Rampant cannibalism?
-->'''Max:''' CANNIBALISM! I VOTE CANNIBALISM!
* From ''Dysfunction of the Gods'', when Zeus towers over Sam and Max, demanding to know who they are. Max pulls a cord in his belly, inflating himself to giant size and bellowing in a helium voice:
--> '''Max:''' WE ARE SAM AND MAX! CHAMPIONS OF JUSTICE! TORMENTORS OF ROMAN-FEATURED, BEARDED GUYS IN LOOSE-FITTING JAMMIES!!
* From ''Christmas, Bloody Christmas''
-->'''Sam:''' The prison showers. If these walls could talk...
-->'''Max:''' *shudders* They best keep their mouths shut.
* The Vice Squad short (dedicated entirely to crushing stuff in dad's vice).
-->'''Max:''' But remember kids, safety first. Always make sure to wear dad's protective eyewear. *puts on safety goggles*
-->'''Sam:''' Hey! What's this? *pulls out a mine with the label "WW2 Surplus! Do NOT crush in vice!"*
-->'''Max:''' I can't read a darn thing with these goggles on. Oh well.
--> (Max then proceeds to put the mine in the vice and then it explodes)
* The puppet show our duo puts on in "The Second Show Ever:"
--> '''Ms. Givens:''' Oh my, surely there's more to your occupation than just pummeling vaporous anomalies insensible!
--> '''Sam:''' *falsetto* No, that's pretty much it.
* This gem from ''Big Trouble at the Earth's Core''
--> '''Sam:''' (after finding out the Earth's core temperature is near explosion levels) DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?!
--> '''Max:''' NO! BUT LET ME GUESS!
* This episode opener.
--> '''Sam:''' Here's what we've got to go on. It's an unidentified substance, offensive in both appearance and smell, and it's been in the back of the fridge since we moved in.
--> '''Max:''' It's either some kind of spreadable meat byproduct oooor nesting hamsters!
--> '''Sam:''' It ''is'' fur-bearing, and ''that's'' what throws you!
* From Max's Big Day, Max is handed a Sam suit and blames himself for getting Sam killed. Then the suit speaks...
-->'''Sam:''' I'm fine, knucklehead. Much like the weasel utilizes its collapsable skull to fit through near-impossible spaces, I have called upon a like ability to collapse all my bones and bulky organs, in order to dupe these uncultured puppies into ''thinking'' they've rolled and pressed me into this unsettling garment. Ha ha ha, neat, huh?\\


!!''Sam and Max Hit the Road'' video game

* If you attempt to pick up an object that is classified as a background element or a permanent non-inventory item, Sam will say "[[ICantUseTheseThingsTogether I can't pick that up]]." [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9MlUuU4MZg However, if you persist...]]
-->'''Sam:''' I can't pick that up.
-->'''Sam:''' No really, I can't pick that up.
-->'''Sam:''' Are you dense? I can't pick that up!
-->'''Sam:''' ''[Dangerously]'' Read my lips- I... CAN'T... PICK... THAT... ''UP''.
-->'''Sam:''' I give up.
-->''[Sam bursts into tears.]''
-->'''Max:''' Now you've done it! You've broken Sam's spirit with your stupid attempts to pick up that silly object!
-->''[Sam continues whimpering.]''
-->'''Max:''' In fact, if I didn't find his pitiful sobbing so amusing, [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou I'd come out there and rip your limbs off!]]
-->''[Naturally, you try picking up the item again; this time, Sam lets out a choked gasp of horror, and starts crying again.]''
-->'''Max:''' Just ignore them, Sam. Maybe they'll go away.
** If you have subtitles on, when Max says "pick up that silly object", the subtitles show up as "pick up item #(bunch of numbers)". Also, if you try this during the brief point in the game when Sam and Max are separated, Sam finally says "Look, don't make me come out there!" instead of sobbing, and if you click on the item again, he growls menacingly.
* Flint Paper throws a guy through his door window, which is followed by a hail of bullets that make a smiley face, which is then followed by Max pushing said victim off the banister his chin was caught on.
-->'''Max:''' Gratuitous acts of senseless violence are ''my'' forte!
-->'''Sam:''' You're such an adorable urchin, Max.
* The bomb exchange after the opening credits:
--> '''Sam:''' Where should I put this so it won't harm anyone we know or care about?\\
'''Max:''' Out the window Sam! There's nobody but strangers out there!\\
''(Sam obediently lobs the bomb out the window, whereupon it explodes.)''\\
'''Sam:''' I hope there was nobody on that bus.\\
'''Max:''' Nobody we know, at least.
* In the whack-a-rat game at the carnival, you can hit Max instead of the rats; he barely notices.
* After the Kushman brothers explain to Sam and Max that they don't wear clothes. (Their skin is naturally colored to resemble clothing.)
--> '''Max:''' Good lord, Sam! He's buck naked!\\
'''Sam:''' So are you.\\
'''Max:''' Yeah, but I'm cute and marketable.
* After Sam and Max finally retrieve the tooth of a T-Rex (long story):
--> '''Sam:''' We finally got the tooth.\\
'''Max:''' The whole tooth?\\
'''Sam:''' Nothing but.

!!''Sam and Max: Freelance Police'' video game series

!!!Season One

[[AC:Episode 101: Culture Shock]]
* When investigating Sybil's "Relax" sign:
--> '''Sam:''' That's got to be the least relaxing sign I ever seen.
--> '''Max:''' What about that one outside the barber shop that said "[[FalseReassurance Low Fatality Rate]]"?
--> '''Sam:''' I stand corrected.
* The various things you can get the hypnotized Soda Poppers to do in the finale of 101, particularly the "become" commands. "Become me!" "Become yourselves!" "Become the video tapes!"

[[AC:Episode 102: Situation: Comedy]]
* "They're probably hiding a cow!"
* Max sharing an anecdote on Myra's show about his pal, Sam, and something that happened the other day.
--> '''Max:''' Well, I was battering this purse-snatcher with a broken parking meter and screaming "Die! Why won't you die!" and Sam said, "you crack me up, little buddy!"
--> '''Myra:''' ...The point being?
--> '''Max:''' I crack Sam up!
* Bosco's attempts to talk like the type of people he's disguised as.
-->'''Bosco:''' (As a British gentleman) Pip pip! Honey Nut Cheerios.
* Cooking Without Looking
-->'''Sam:''' And with the magic of TV cooking show time... (looks at the casserole he made) you have now successfully perverted the laws of God and man.
* After Hugh Bliss proves that he can read Sam's mind, Max request that Hugh reads his mind next.
-->'''Hugh Bliss:''' (Looks at Max for a few seconds then gasps) Oh my! That's unspeakably depraved!
-->'''Max:''' Yeah, you got it! Wow, you're amazing.
* After clicking on a set of knives labelled "Dangerously Sharp Instruments":
-->'''Max:''' "Hey Sam, can I-"
-->'''Sam:''' "No."

[[AC:Episode 103: The Mole, The Mob and the Meatball]]
* Seeing what the duo decided to save from their previous case is always fun, but the the best one has to be the memento from 103 (revealed in 104) [[spoiler: It's poor Leonard!]]
* The Ted E. Bear's theme song, which [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial repeatedly iterates that there aren't any real mobsters]]:
-->Ted E. Bear's is oodles of fun\\
Slots and sandwiches and tokens and guns\\
And look, no mobsters, nary a one\\
Just you and me and Ted E. Bear!
* Saying the code phrase "Does the carpet match the drapes?" to ''absolutely everyone''. You'll get hilarious results.
-->'''Sam:''' Does the carpet match the drapes?\\
'''Mob guard:''' I don't know. I set fire to the drapes. [[PyroManiac I love to watch things burn]].\\
'''Max:''' [[NotSoDifferent Hey, me too!]]\\
'''Sam:''' Sorry I asked.
* If you talk to the guy at the front door about the mole thing.
-->'''Sam:''' I hear you have a mole problem?
-->'''Loveybear:''' Hey! It's a genetic condition! You should have seen my father's back!
-->'''Sam:''' Holy cow, I'm actually being too subtle.
-->'''Max:''' First time that's ever happened.
* Max's overly-dramatic fake death during the ShootYourMate scene. "O, death, where is that guy Sting?"

[[AC:Episode 104: Abe Lincoln Must Die]]
* The very first scene, where they use the bug for a Crank Call.
--> '''Bug''': '''I. Am. Reborn. I will FEAST on your entrails, and DEVOUR your soul!'''
--> ''(Max giggles like a schoolgirl)''
--> '''Sam''': You know Max, sneaking the bug into that exorcism was an uncharacteristic stroke of genius.
--> '''Max''': Demonic possession is the gift that keeps on giving.
** Even better when you use the same bug recording while calling Meesta Pizza:
---> '''Max''': So what did they say?
---> '''Sam''': The toppings cost extra, and they're all out of entrails.
** For even bigger laughs, use the bug when phoning the White House but before recording over the demonic possession speech.
---> '''Bug''': '''I will FEAST on your entrails, and DEVOUR your soul!'''
---> '''Agent Superball''': I asked you not to call me at work, dear.
* "SAM DID IT!"
* Max's election speeches, especially this one:
--> '''Max''': This election reminds me of a droll story. It seems Chester A. Arthur and the Pope were kayaking down the Amazon one day. Suddenly a tiny Candiru fish swims up the Pope's ''[[SoundEffectBleep (censored)]]'' and lodges itself in his ''[[SoundEffectBleep (censored)]]''. Arthur grabs the Pope's ''[[SoundEffectBleep (censored)]]'' pliers and ''[[SoundEffectBleep (censored)]]'' swelled up like a melon. And the Pope says, "Thanks! Last time that happened, [=McKinley=] wanted to ''[[SoundEffectBleep (censored three times)]]''!" ''({{beat}})'' No wait! Wait! Wait, I think I told it wrong.
* During talks between the POTUS and Governor Whizzer, you can take the chance to offer him a soda. Due to his... [[PottyEmergency bladder issues]], he needs the bathroom. You can say that he wants to see Lincoln's bedroom. [[ToiletHumor You can see where this is going...]] Max's comment?
-->'''Max''': Sam, did you just make an innocent person defile one of the most famous rooms in U.S history?\\
''Whizzer dashes back, relieved.''\\
'''Sam''': Apparently, I just did.
* The [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment War Song]], particularly [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L2Gve7oh_4 Sam and Max's reactions]].
-->'''Sam:''' Well...\\
'''Max:''' Let's never do ''that'' again!
* Once they have access to the War Room, one of the potential targets is [[{{Superman}} Krypton]], but if you fire an ICBM at the thing, you're just told [[SciFiWritersHaveNoSenseOfScale it'll be 26 million years until it actually gets there.]]

[[AC:Episode 105: Reality 2.0]]
* This bit:
-->'''Bosco:''' Everyone on the internet has to pick an avatar. Like a dwarf or orc or a hot young 15 year old girl curious about the adult world and willing to experiment.
-->'''Max:''' I didn't think it was possible, but he was actually less creepy as the elf.
** Speaking of Bosco's ''half''-elf avatar, that one is pretty hilarious too. Or better, try hitting him with the sword when you have the wooden sword from him.

[[AC:Episode 106: Bright Side of the Moon]]
* Bosco has spent the season dressing up unconvincingly as various nationalities. Then, when you meet him in this episode:
-->'''Sam:''' Hey Bosc- Oh dear God.
-->'''Bosco:''' ''(dressed as his mother)'' Haven't I told you boys not to track mud in the store?
** When you start asking the "Do you have any..." gag that was present in all the other episodes, Bosco starts revealing that he has things that would have instantly solved the conflicts from previous episodes in stock. Watching Max just ''freak out'' that instead of going through typical adventure game monotony, they could've just bought the stuff they needed, is ''priceless''.
** And after Sam has asked for all previous episodes' objects, he asks for the one you need now, which is [[spoiler: Hugh Bliss tied up behind him]]... which Bosco doesn't have.
** Gets turned into a BrickJoke in 204: Chariots of the Dogs, where Sam can go behind the counter of Bosco's shop and find all of those items sat on the counter.
* This exchange:
-->'''Sam:''' Knowing you, Bosco, it's entirely reasonable, but how much for the earthquake maker?
-->'''Bosco:''' ''(without his falsetto)'' One hundred trillion dollars.
** [[spoiler:And they ''actually end up paying it.'']]
** Even better is Bosco being very GenreSavvy in the matter, stating that "Look, all I know is, I keep making up the most ridiculous price I can think of, and ''you keep payin' it''! So I ask you, who's the foo'?"
* Sybil's latest job:
-->'''Sybil''': [[RoyalWe We]] have become the queen of Canada!
-->'''Max''': I thought Music/{{Rush}} was the Music/{{Queen}} of Canada.

!!!Season Two

[[AC:Episode 201: Ice Station Santa]]
* When they meet Bosco for the first time in Season 2 and they react like they saw the worst Bosco disguise EVER.
-->'''Max''': Claw out my eyes Sam! I can't stand to look at it!
-->'''Sam''': Not if I claw out my own eyes first, little buddy.
-->'''Bosco''': I'M NOT WEARING A DISGUISE.
* Bosco's paranoia about the package that was delivered to him.
-->'''Bosco''': Does my package sound like it's ticking to you?
-->'''Max''': Not your best pick up line.
-->'''Bosco''': I think my package is the bomb!
-->'''Max''': Now THAT'S a pick up line!
* Max's line the first time he and Sam go down the chimney of Santa's workshop.
-->'''Max''': Ho! Ho! Ho..hhh My GOD I'M ON FIRE!!
* Sam and Max are forced by the Spirit of Christmas Past to atone for stealing Jimmy's boxing glove in the previous season. The only way to return the glove to him in the past is to steal it from him in the present, creating a confusing StableTimeLoop. This completely fails to solve any of the problems you've caused him, except for his wife leaving him - because Sam kidnapped her in the past to get him in a position to take the glove from him in the present. And yet the Spirit still considers the debt repaid!
* The Friendly Demon Song. Particularly some of the alternate lyrics you can have Sam sing.
* The interactions with the WaxingLyrical Maimtron:
--> '''Sam:''' Now tell us your manufacturing code.
--> '''Maimtron:''' 867-5309.
--> '''Max:''' Oh! Well that was nice and helpful of- ''Hey wait a minute!''
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SiacweGnyys Making elves cry.]]

[[AC:Episode 202: Moai Better Blues]]
* [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment Did somebody say...]] ''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbLTpB2dd_A Birthday?]]''
** This becomes a RunningGag throughout Season 2.
* This exchange with the C.O.P.S.:
-->'''Sam:''' Do you guys know anything about Easter Island?\\
'''Curt:''' Accessing, [[ReadingTheStageDirectionsOutLoud ellipsis]], Easter Island was founded in 1914 by former members of the [=80s=] progressive rock band Asia.\\
'''Bob:''' Located off the southwest coast of {{your mom}}, the island is considered by many to be the birthplace of television personality Ryan Seacrest, as well as American jazz music!\\
'''Sam:''' I see you guys are still doing all your research on [[{{Wikipedia}} the Internet]].\\
'''Bluster Blaster:''' '''INFORMATION WANTS TO BE WRONG!'''
* The various ways you can annoy the sunken Moai head.
-->'''Sam:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext Wanna listen to a new Glenn Miller song?]]\\
'''Sunken Moai Head:''' (muffled) Yeah! I love Glenn Miller!\\
'''Sam:''' [[{{Troll}} Sorry, didn't catch that.]]\\


[[AC:Episode 203: Night of the Raving Dead]]
* "I never knew vampires were so... [[SissyVillain fruity]]."
* Agent Superball's participation in Sybil's bachelor screening.
* Max's advice on the "best way" to kill a vampire.
* The VerySpecialEpisode of [[ShowWithinAShow Midtown Cowboys]] turning into blatant ProductPlacement.
** Especially if, instead of using the item you need, you put a bottle of water in the bag. The cutscene that ensues is ''hilarious.''

[[AC:Episode 204: Chariots of the Dogs]]
* This exchange:
--> '''Sam''': How'd you get those DNA Samples?
--> '''Momma Bosco''': [[InnocentInnuendo Isn't it obvious?]]
--> ''(Sam and Max stare at the camera)''
--> '''Momma Bosco''': Saliva, fools!
** Also:
--> '''Bosco''': They're just waiting to probe us and turn us all into freakish animal/human hybrids!
--> '''Max:''': Bosco! Sam is standing right here!
* Bearing in mind that usually, [[WelcomeToCorneria Sam and Max would say exactly the same thing every time the player clicks on a certain object]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvbtcCpWf-w the Banang scene]] just gets even funnier.
* The duo go back in time to collect the record contract Sam obtained in "Situation: Comedy". Past Sam & Max steal the elevator, forcing the present duo to take TheSlowPath:
-->'''Max''': You... JERKS!
-->'''Sam''': You made us go through the last year and a half all over again!
* When Sam is trying to convince his preteen self to be more out-going, young Sam insults his weight. Present Sam then [[DisproportionateRetribution pulls out his gun]], only stopping when the time elevator AI brings up that he's about to cause a paradox.
* When you need to bring Mr. Featherly from the beginning of the universe to one of the Mariachis, Sam literally [[LiveItem shoves him into his jacket]] (to his protests), takes him out when he needs to, shoves him back in, and continues to keep him in his inventory for the entire rest of the game.
* When Sam, Max, and Flint Paper all come into Bosco's store looking for Bosco, Sam says that all three of them need to use every detective skill they know to find him. All three of them then immediately start shooting the air randomly before Flint asks Sam if he has any other ideas.

[[AC:Episode 205: What's New Beelzebub?]]
* When Sam tries to mess around in Hugh Bliss' cubicle to sole a puzzle:
--> '''Sam''': Distract Hugh Bliss for me!"
--> '''Max''': Oh dear, I seem to be ''completely naked''. I hope I don't have to ''bend over provocatively'' and-
--> '''Sam''': That's enough Max.
* The bachelor party:
-->'''Flint Paper:''' Hey guys! you're just in time for the stripper!
-->'''Max:''' Oh boy! ''[The Monster comes out]'' [[NoJustNoReaction OH GOD]]!
** Also from the Bachelor party scene, after getting the partygoers to drink the fruit of knowledge cider:
-->'''Mr. Featherly:''' I'm naked!
-->'''Bosco:''' I'm naked!
-->'''Max:''' I'M NAKED! ...oh, I thought we all just saying that.
** And:
--> '''Sam''': ...Who's up for a conga line?\\
({{beat}})\\
'''Max''' (Raises hand) "...I am!"
* HELL'S A-POPPIN!
* After escaping Sam's personal Hell:
-->'''Satan:''' What the devil? That Hell was practically inescapable.
-->'''Sam:''' Sorry, Satan. Your demon impostor was no match for [[PowerOfFriendship the true power of friendship and cooperation!]]
-->'''Max:''' Plus I ripped out his kidneys.
* [[spoiler:The reveal of the Soda Poppers as the villains in Season 2 has them demonstrating their new demonic powers to Sam & Max. Each Popper has a power related to his shtick. After a demonstration of Specs and Peepers more mundane powers, Whizzer goes last, enthusiastically telling the heroes that his power is, "''It burns when I pee!''" and then proceeding to drop his fly and then fire a ''literal'' stream of flaming urine at them!]]
* Harry Moleman talking about how it's kind of tiring having to do his entire job as [[spoiler:Death]] alone, and commenting about how having an assistant or a partner would make things a lot easier.
--> '''Sam:''' (look at Max, then back at Harry) Yeah, that's what you'd think, at first.
* [[spoiler:Peepers]] seducing Sybil. No description or series of quotes can do this sequence justice.
* Try talking to one of the molemen before you're allowed into hell. (Paraphrasing)
--> '''Sam:''' Excuse me, could you tell us where-
--> '''Moleman:''' Holy schklamoley! Do you know how to full out a suit!
--> '''Sam:''' (Annoyed, he adjusts his tie) ...Well, I never!
* Sam and Max [[spoiler:escape from a lava filled pit using Santa's sleigh as shown in a previous episode.]] The escape literally causes hell to freeze over. Immediately after, for the first time Sam lets Max answer the phone, and Max ''wins the nobel peace price'', and becomes the conductor of Sybil's wedding.

!!!Season Three

[[AC:Episode 301: The Penal Zone]]
* Using the wedding ring with Max.
* As Sam speaks to the commissioner over the phone:
-->'''Sam''': What's that? (commissioner speaks) A sudden wave of lawfulness and goodwill spreading throughout the city? (commissioner speaks again) No, we didn't have anything to do with that.
* And when using your gun on Skun'kape's guards.
-->'''Sam:''' Hey monkey, I'll give you this cool gun if you let us through.
-->'''Space Gorilla:''' Scram.
-->'''Max:''' Really, Sam? That's the best you could come up with for [[ICantUseTheseThingsTogether "use GUN with GORILLA?"]]
* Almost the entire conversation with Momma Bosco.
-->'''Momma Bosco:''' But I gotta get my body back. I miss touching things.\\
'''Max:''' Yeah! Touching is my third favorite thing to do to things.\\
''[long pause as both Sam and Momma Bosco look at Max with slightly disturbed expressions]''\\
'''Max:''' In case you were curious, second is licking.
* The cutscene when Max learns to use the teleport power for the first time.
-->'''Max:''' '''''Enjoying the ride, Sam?! [[EvilLaugh A-ha-ha-ha-ha!]]'''''\\
'''Sam:''' Note to self: when travelling through Max's brain, [[HyperspaceIsAScaryPlace keep your eyes shut!]]
* When asking Gordon about how Skun-ka'pe managed to get his brain, we get this gem.
-->'''Max:''' So you just ''went'' with him?
-->'''Gordon:''' He said [[TooDumbToLive he had candy!]]
* When trying to dispose of the guard in front of the pawn shop. [[spoiler: Sam opens a manhole cover and places a banana peal by it, leading one to expect the gorilla to slip on the peal and fall down the manhole. However, when Sam tries to lure the guard over by insulting General Skun-k'ape, the [[SubvertedTrope guard immediately notices the banana peal and only approaches to scold Sam for littering]]. [[DoubleSubverted Then Max appears behind the ape with two garbage can lids and slams them against his head, knocking the guard unconscious and kicking him down the manhole]].]]
** "Oldest trick in the book!"

[[AC:Episode 302: The Tomb of Sammun-Mak]]
* "NO! NO! NO! COWS DON'T EAT COOKIES!"
** ''(completely deadpan)'' "No, no, for the love of God, no."
** "IT'S NO USE! COWS CAN'T READ!"
** "[[LeaningOnTheFourthWall ...use BUST with COW?]] Am I CRACKING UP!?"
* Try giving the elf in Reel 1 the toy idea of "Adventure games", and watch the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaXm9qjxTSw reaction]].
* Maximus' fun moment using the ventriloquist dummy on ''everyone'', including Sammeth.
** Using the ventriloquist's dummy on Nefertiti while she's talking to Jurgen? Necessary. Using the ventriloquist's dummy on Jurgen while he's talking to Nefertiti? '''Hilarious.'''
-->'''Jurgen:''' ''(in unspeakably awful German accent)'' Ach, liebeskind! I long for you to remove your mask and show your true identity!
-->'''Nefertiti:''' ...uh...?
** If Nefertiti leaves and comes back, you get this.
-->'''Jurgen:''' Oh. You're back. Like ze plague.
-->'''Nefertiti:''' Oh, Jurgen...how poetic you are!
* Preparing to show Nefertiti's love letter to her father, Sammeth states, "Being mature adults..." causing Maximus to giggle childishly.
** Sameth reads from Nefertiti's [[StylisticSuck love letter]] aloud, obviously uncomfortable. Maximus is more enthusiastic.
-->'''Sameth:''' "My dearest Jurgen. What is this itch that spreads over my dewey moleskin whenever you are near? It is love, and only your long, pale fingers can scratch it. Do you itch for me too?"
-->'''Maximus:''' ''Bwa hah hah!''
-->'''Sameth:''' "There's no use concealing it. I know you do. I can see the tortured agony in your eyes [[AbhorrentAdmirer whenever I'm around]]."
-->'''Maximus:''' I ''bet''!
* Noticing the state of Jurgen's room.
-->'''Sameth:''' Garlic, crosses and wolfsbane. What do you make of that, little buddy?
-->'''Maximus:''' Jesus pesto?
** And bringing it up to him.
-->'''Sameth:''' What's with the garlic, crosses and wolfsbane?
-->'''Jurgen:''' Zey are...merely for decoration, okay? I find zem very soothing. [[BadLiar If you are implying zat I have zese zings because I'm afraid of being bitten by a vampire because I am under a curse or somesuch silly nonsense like zat zen I have nozzing for you but mocking laughter]]! ''(hysterical giggling)''
** After looking in Jurgen's closet and in Kringle's chest, you can pretend to be a member of the brotherhood of Yog-Soggoth to Jurgen. The conversation that ensues covers cult rituals, tenor singing and bocce.

[[AC:Episode 303: They Stole Max's Brain]]
* Max trying to bargain with General Skun-ka'pe to spare Sam:
-->'''Max''': Could you not kill Sam. He's my designated driver when I'm in the sauce like this.
-->'''Skun-ka'pe''': Oh, my minions are under strict orders not to kill him.
-->'''Max''': That's a relief.
-->'''Skun-ka'pe''': They are to bring him, beaten and bloodied, to my feet so he can see my ascension to ruler of the galaxy!
-->'''Max''': Just as long as he can still drive.
* Pretty dang near anything involving Noir!Sam. The cold-hearted grimness and unmitigated fury ensure everything gets more melodramatic than it ought to, and since the world of Sam and Max is naturally silly...
-->'''Tourist:''' So I left, empty-handed and ippelskippered...
-->'''Sam:''' WHAT?!
-->'''Tourist:''' Ippelskipper! It's a word us Europeans use to describe a blend of confusion and distress much like I was experiencing! Honestly, what do they teach you Americans in school?
-->'''Sam:''' VIDEO POKER!
** Abuse of the 'Noir' option is heartily recommended.
-->'''Sam:''' Sometimes it feels like the whole world's after me, and someone's tied my shoelaces together with regrets and betrayals.
-->'''Minion:''' ...yeah, um, that's pretty sad. So anyway...
** ''Heartily.''
-->'''Minion:''' As they left, the general dropped this!
-->'''Sam:''' I dropped something once. I think it was my innocence. Then I dropped my compassion. Now I just drop punks.
-->'''Minion:''' ...Was that supposed to be dark? It doesn't even make sense.
-->'''Sam:''' Sue me.
** "You have a very depressing worldview."

[[AC:Episode 304: Beyond the Alley of the Dolls]]
* During the seance:
-->'''Harry''': Uncle Morty? Is that really you? Your voice sounds funny.
-->'''Max, Impersonating Morty''': I'VE GOT A COLD.
-->'''Harry''': In ''Heaven?!''
-->'''"Morty"''': And '''WHO''' said I was in HEAVEN?!
-->'''Harry''': Uncle Morty, if that's really you, then tell me the secret you took to your grave!
-->'''"Morty"''': Harry...my stamp collection is hidden...
-->'''Harry''': Yes?
-->'''"Morty"''': In the attic...
-->'''Harry''': ''YES?''
-->'''"Morty"''': '''''OF THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!''''' (Lightning crashes)
* Use Future Vision on Bluster Blaster, and get a [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment totally random cutscene of him floating through space]], screaming '''''"THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME!"''''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlWv9feA0No See it here.]]
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-44Ixyx93I This gag.]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Sam:''' Do you know anything about these [[spoiler:Sam clones]] running around?
-->'''Bluster Blaster:''' THOSE ARE '''''REAL?!?!'''''
-->'''Sam:''' Uh...Yeah?
-->'''Bluster Blaster:''' '''''HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!'''''
-->'''Max:''' I'll take that as a no.
* When you have to help Flint interrogate Stinky, the Interrogation System wheel from "They Stole Max' Brain" makes a hilarious re-appearance.
* Reading Sal's mind when he's [[spoiler: enthralled by the Clone Master.]]
-->'''Sal:''' La da daa, [[spoiler: waiting for the master's orders.]]
* Using the ventriloquist dummy on the jukebox at Stinky's.
-->'''Max:''' ''(singing off-key)'' [[MythologyGag I remember my childhood in Brighton]]...[[note]]The first line of "King of the Creatures" from ''Sam & Max Hit the Road''.[[/note]]
-->'''Sam:''' Max, no!
* When you head into the Museum of Mostly Natural History, Papierwaite's office is locked. Obviously you have to solve a puzzle to get through, but you can also just knock on the door. Quite a few times. With Sam giving different responses each time.
-->'''Papierwaite:''' ''Who is it''?!
-->'''Sam:''' It's the vindow viper! I've come to vipe your vindows!
-->'''Sam:''' The restless spirit of Ed [=McMahon=], standing here with a giant novelty check!
-->'''Sam:''' ''(dances like a ballet dancer)''
* Check the window in Papierwaite's office.
-->'''Sam:''' Ah cripes, a buncha Sam clones are ghost-riding the DeSoto in the parking lot!
-->'''Max:''' When were they cloned? 2005?

[[AC:Episode 305: The City that Dares Not Sleep]]
* When Sybil goes into labor:
-->''[Sam and Papierwaite/Norrington [[HeadTiltinglyKinky stare at her, wide-eyed]]]''.
-->'''Norrington''': ''Pennies?!''
* TheReveal was funny in its own way. [[spoiler:As Sam goes for the door, the action freezes and the scene transits to the Narrator, who begins to recap the mystery of who the true BigBad is. As he's doing this, a door suddenly opens in the background, revealing Sam coming into the room.]]
--> [[spoiler:'''Narrator''': Do you mind? I'm right in the middle of... oh, now you've ruined it.]]
* Junior Max's ''Anime/SailorMoon'' pose.
** What makes this even better was that it was supposed to be Voltron based. The developers wanted to do an 'anime' pose (anime being used loosely) and one mentioned ''Anime/SailorMoon''. This somehow got heard by another employee and thus they decided to ThrowItIn.
* This coversation:
-->[[spoiler:'''Narrator''':]] Oh, very well. I suppose you've forced me to come clean. Sam, I am actually an agent of a much higher power, appearing only to you and Max, to guide you in times of crisis. I believe you mortals would refer to me...as an angel.
--> '''Sam''': Wait...really?
-->[[spoiler:'''Narrator''':]] Of course not! That would be stupid! I am [[spoiler: the manifestation of the superego of a psychic rabbit detective mutated into a gigantic beast by a toybox filled with powerful toys from another dimension]]! [[SelfDeprecation Sometimes, the simplest answer is the correct one.]]
* Sybil's character freeze, where the list of her previous occupations ''[[WhyDoYouKeepChangingJobs goes completely off-camera.]]''
** '''Abe Lincoln''': Four score and seven ton of raw power.
* When Sybil tells Sam how [[spoiler: she and Abe consummated their marriage]], Sam's mind (and the screen) literally shuts down in order to avoid permanent psychological trauma.
* When Sam tries to get the Cthunic destroyer from Skun-kape, one of the options is telling him to hand it over and not make things any harder for himself.
-->'''Skun'kape:''' Since coming to this miserable planet, I've been pulled through rock, shot at, attacked by mole men, pummeled by clones, and shot at by an overzealous pulp detective. [[TemptingFate How could things possibly get ''harder''?]]\\
'''Sam:''' Uh, [[BreakingTheFourthWall you turn off the hints?]]
* When you get rid of Satan and Jurgen near the beginning.
-->'''Satan''': I can tell when I'm not wanted. Come on, Jurgen.
-->'''Jurgen''': Thank wickedness THAT nightmare is finally over.
-->'''Satan''': Let's go back to hell.
-->'''Jurgen''': Oh. Right.

* When Sam, Max, and Flint Paper all come into Bosco's store looking for Bosco, Sam says that they all three of them need to use every detective skill they know to find him. All three of them then immediately start shooting the air randomly before Flint asks Sam if he has any other ideas.

-->'''Sam:''' And with the magic of TV cooking show time... (looks at the casserole he made) you now successfully perverted the laws of God and man.

* In the whack-a-rat game at the carnival, you can hit Max instead of the rats.

* All the ''SamAndMax'' comics are funny, but the one-page Our Bewildering Universe has some of the best:

* Sam and Max [[spoiler:escape from a lava filled pit using Santa's sleigh as shown in a previous episode.]] The escape literally causes hell to freeze over. Immediately after, for the first time Sam lets Max answer the phone, and Max ''wins the nobel peace price''.

* The [[BigLippedAlligatorMoment War Song]], particularly Sam and Max's reactions.