History Funny / SaintsRow1

* When it comes to the finale of the Vice Kings missions, [[spoiler:Benjamin King helps lead the charge alongside the Playa and Johnny Gat to Tanya's personal office, all of them armed to the teeth and ready to kill her without hesitation. Tanya proceeds to act like they're no big deal and pulls out an assault rifle, threatening them while still clad in her [[Stripperiffic usual attire.]] The scene then ''immediately'' has all three of them [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome fill her full of lead and send her out the window]] before she even has a ''chance'' to pull the trigger. Satisfying? Yes, even if it makes her a CutsceneBoss. TooDumbToLive? ''Definitely.'']]

* The game's idea of healing yourself isn't through RegeneratingHealth or healthkits. It's through [[HyperactiveMetabolism food.]] Food that you can very well have picked up off of someone's corpse. So the Boss is tearing their way through droves of gangsters and police, and just pulls out a burger they grabbed from the floor to munch on.

*** After a few drinks in the second game, the female Latin boss will call back to this incident like it was the funniest thing ever. Speaking of which, when she brings up her balls. Yeah, '''''her''''' [[CrazyAwesome balls]].

'''Julius:''' Oh, quit bein' a bitch!\\

'''Johnny:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Sorry. I got shitty hearing.]]\\

---> '''Johnny:''' ''([[spoiler: still tied up to the chair that’s currently tipped over on the floor]])'' Hey, not to be pushy or nothin'… but how 'bout you [[spoiler: get me out of this fuckin' chair!?]]\\

** In the Rollerz arc, after the Playa [[spoiler: blows up the truck Joseph Price]] [[CarFu tried to run him over with]]]], Julius calls him:

* Every time the Playa his mouths, it's ''always'' during the funniest parts of the game, which are always the final mission of each arc, too:

--> '''Dex:''' So what's in here? Guns? Money? Some uncut [[PrecisionFStrike shit?]] ''(Looks in the bag)'' [[AllWomenLoveShoes SHOES?!]]\\

'''Luz:''' ''(nervously laughs)'' That's not true-\\

---> '''Luz:''' So what am I supposed to do now?\\

-->'''Julius:''' That was an hell of an explosion! You okay, Playa?\\

--> '''Protagonist:''' Yo, can we speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitch's.

-->'''Johnny Gat:''' I'm gonna skullfuck that bitch!\\
-->'''Playa:''' ''(wide smile)'' ...[[SilentSnarker Hope you don't mind hepatitis]].

* As the crew are preparing to battle Tanya, the main character speaks for the first time:

'''Playa:''' ''(wide smile)'' ...Hope you don't mind hepatitis.

*** What's even more hilarious is Gat's "huh?!" look after Playa says his bit. Up to that point he must've assumed he ''couldn't speak''.
*** Meanwhile, King just looks onward down in the elevator, like he just heard a curse in church.
** After a few drinks in the second game, the female Latin boss will call back to this incident like it was the funniest thing ever.
*** Speaking of which, when she brings up her balls. Yeah, '''''her''''' [[CrazyAwesome balls]].
* Every time the Playa opens his mouth, it's ALWAYS during the funniest parts of the game, which are always the final missions too: for instance, after the final Los Carnales mission [[spoiler: where Dex and Playa blow up the plane Angelo Lopez is trying to flee Stilwater in]], Luz Avalos drives up, [[spoiler: as she was supposed to leave with Angelo]]. Dex looks in her shopping bag, and we get treated to this scene:

** But that's not all! Dex tells the Playa to put the gun down so they don't piss off Manuel Orejuela... but then [[TooDumbToLive Luz has to open her fat mouth again...]]

*** It seems that The Playa has become quite a [[TheFashionista Fashionista]] after this incident, as in The Third, they verbally comment the Decker's "neo-cyberpunk", either loving it, understanding what they want to express with it or even identify the designer: yeah, this applies even if the Boss [[TheDandy is a]] [[AmbiguouslyGay guy]], if the player makes their in-game fashion sense BIZARRE beyond all conceivable belief...[[NakedPeopleAreFunny or has NO clothes at all!]]
* To round off the gangs, after the Playa [[spoiler: [[StuffBlowingUp blows up the truck Joseph Price]] [[CarFu tried to run him over with]]]], Julius calls him:

* On a Similar Note, the "True Ending" of the game, where the Protagonist interrupts the final speech with:

* The end of the Vice Kings mission in which, purely to give Warren Williams a "fuck you", Johnny blows up Kingdom Come Records a ''second'' time.

* The Drug Trafficking missions involve you helping out the dealer to sell merchandise as usual... but whereas the Vice Kings area had a stereotypical black gangsta and Los Carnales had a hippie in a van, the Westside Rollerz had... an incredibly average suburban white mom who wants to get into the business because "One of my [[PoliticallyIncorrectVillain colored friends]] said it's the best way to make money". Among the funniest things she can say after you do something like blowing up a police car is "Oh, how am I gonna explain that to the PTA?"

* Whenever Johnny appears in the Vice Kings arc, he's either a bringer of these, or a bringer of {{awesome moments}}. [[LikeAnOldMarriedCouple Him and Aisha bickering fall into the former]], but one of his best moments in the whole game is in Best Laid Plans, in which he calls out [[spoiler: Tanya Winters and Tony Green. In context, the two trapped him and Playa in an abandoned police station, and with Vice Kings and police alike closing in for the kill, [[WeNeedADistraction Johnny needs to distract the two long enough to find an opportunity for the Playa to escape.]]]]

* The Drug Trafficking missions involve you helping out the dealer to sell merchandise as usual... but whereas the Vice Kings area had a stereotypical black gangsta and Los Carnales had a hippie in a van, the Westside Rollerz had... an incredibly average suburban white mom who wants to get into the business because "One of my [[PoliticalyIncorrectVillain colored friends]] said it's the best way to make money". Among the funniest things she can say after you do something like blowing up a police car is "Oh, how am I gonna explain that to the PTA?"

'''Johnny:''' That's much better.

'''Johnny:''' ''(casually drops his shotgun)'' Hey, no need to be pushy...

-->'''Johnny Gat:''' I'm gonna skullfuck that bitch.\\
'''Playa:''' ''(wide smile)'' Hope you don't mind hepatitis.

'''Protagonist:''' Hope you don't mind hepatitis.

--> '''Troy:''' What?

'''Playa:''' I got ran over by a fuckin' truck, what you think!?\\

** This is made even funnier when [[spoiler:it's revealed Troy is an undercover cop. I imagine he and some of his friends have been wanting to do that to Victor for a long time.]]

*** What's even more hilarious is Gat's "huh?!" look after Boss says his bit. Up to that point he must've assumed he ''couldn't speak''.

--> '''Dex:''' So what's in here? Guns? Money? Some uncut [[PrecisionFStrike shit?]] (Looks in the bag) [[AllWomenLoveShoes SHOES?!]]
--> '''Luz:''' Actually, they're this season's new--
--> '''Playa:''' [[SeriousBusiness BULLSHIT! That's LAST year's fall collection!]]
--> '''Luz:''' (nervously laughs) That's not true-
--> '''Playa:''' [[DisproportionateRetribution (cocks gun)]]

--> '''Luz:''' So what am I supposed to do now?
--> '''Dex:''' I don't fucking care.
--> '''Luz:''' But where can I go?
--> '''Dex:''' See Answer A.
--> '''Luz:''' Can you at least tell me where Manuel is!?
--> '''Dex:''' ...[[DisproportionateRetribution (turns to Playa) I changed my mind. Shoot her!]]
--> '''Luz:''' [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere (Ducks back in her car, and hauls ass out of the airport.)]]

--> '''Julius:''' That was an hell of an explosion! You okay, Playa?
--> '''Playa:''' I got ran over by a fuckin' truck, what you think!?
--> '''Julius:''' Oh, quit bein' a bitch!
--> '''Playa:''' (double takes at the phone)

--> '''Lin:''' -Hey! I think we stopped moving! Are you listening? Are you even alive? Say something!
--> [[TalkToTheFist (audible smack)]]
--> '''Lin:''' Ow! I'll take that as a yes... [[CigaretteOfAnxiety Where the fuck's my lighter...]]

--> '''Tanya:''' How ‘bout you drop the gun, honey?
--> '''Tony:''' (pumps shotgun) I’d listen to the lady if I was you.
--> '''Johnny:''' Well of course you would, you being her bitch!
--> '''Tony:''' Watch your fucking mouth!
--> '''Johnny:''' (casually drops his shotgun) Hey, no need to be pushy...

--> '''Tanya:''' You packing anything else?
--> '''Johnny:''' Just some rubbers. [[TakeThat Figured I’d get a little of Williams’ sloppy seconds!]]
--> (Tony clubs Johnny over the head, dropping him to the ground)
--> '''Johnny:''' Guess I hit a nerve...

--> '''Johnny:''' Well, that explains how your bitch lost Prawn Court!
--> '''Tanya:''' Are you gonna let him talk about me like that!?
--> '''Tony:''' [[LeaveHimToMe Don’t worry baby, I got this!]]
--> '''Johnny:''' (while standing up) Yeah Tanya, shut the fuck up!
--> '''Tony:''' I thought I told you to be quiet!
--> '''Johnny:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Sorry. I got shitty hearing.]]
--> ([[KneeCapping Tony shoots Johnny in the leg]])
--> '''Tony:''' Now you got a shitty leg!
--> (Johnny pulls out a knife, and stabs Tony clean through his foot)
--> '''Johnny:''' So do you!
--> (Johnny and Tony start wrestling on the floor, while Johnny tells the Playa to run for it. This leads to a dual funny-awesome moment on the Playa’s part as he runs past Tanya, knocks her flat on her face and jumps out the window)
* The following mission (Green With Envy), is another double whammy on the Playa’s part, because, [[spoiler: in order to find where Tanya and Tony are keeping the captured Johnny, the Playa has to kill and impersonate Tanya’s driver before she’s done rimming out Warren Williams. Ignoring the fact the Playa [[PaperThinDisguise doesn’t even BOTHER taking the driver’s uniform]] [[FailedASpotCheck (or that Tanya doesn’t even TRY to notice this)]], it turns out she has some time before Tony expects her back… [[VillainsOutShopping so she decides to do a little shopping first!]] While driving her to the Impressions Clothing Store, and then to Friendly Fire to pick up a “present for Tony” (a [[MoreDakka big ass Krukov rifle]], she vapidly chatters away (either to a friend over the phone, or to you – you decide what’s funnier), where she verbally smacks Tony, Warren AND King! Adding to these whacky hijinks, it turns out Troy’s crew weren’t aware of Julius’ rescue plan, and just HAD to try a hit Tanya, forcing the Playa to lose them without killing them. When you FINALLY get to Tony’s condo]], [[HeyYouHaymaker you get a nice little bit of revenge against Tanya…]]
--> '''Tanya:''' [[RightBehindMe (after realizing the Playa followed her inside)]] Don’t you [[CurseCutShort fu-]] [[TalkToTheFist (gets socked in the face)]]
*** This sets up a couple of {{brick joke}}s: the obvious one is Tanya gossiping that "I can't believe Luz is still wearing last season's heels!" The second one [[spoiler: what happens to Anthony's "present". You know the gun Tanya tries shooting you with at the end of All The King's Men? Now, knowing the fact Anthony didn't get his present, [[ChekhovsGun who's still willing to bet the Krukov she was wielding was just another weapon she randomly got?]]]]

--> '''Johnny:''' ([[spoiler: still tied up to the chair that’s currently tipped over on the floor]]) Hey, not to be pushy or nothin'… but how 'bout you [[spoiler: get me out of this fuckin' chair!?]]
--> '''Playa:''' (hurriedly [[spoiler: tips the chair back up]])
--> '''Johnny:''' 'Bout fuckin' time you got here.
--> (Playa [[spoiler: unties the ropes holding Johnny down]], and has to support him due to his shot out leg)
--> '''Johnny:''' Where's Green?
--> (Johnny sees [[spoiler: Tony’s corpse, takes Playa's gun, [[NoKillLikeOverKill unloads the remaining ammo into Tony, and then throws the empty gun at the body]]]])
--> '''Johnny:''' That's much better.