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* After Ripley's weird emphasis on the word "fucker"
-->'''Bill :''' She's new to cursing, isn't she?
-->'''Kevil (laughing):''' I think so!
* All of the jabs at John Hurt being pale, including saying that when he absorbs light it only makes him paler.
-->'''Bill :''' She's new to cursing, isn't she?
-->'''Kevil (laughing):''' I think so!
* All of the jabs at John Hurt being pale, including saying that when he absorbs light it only makes him paler.
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Changed line(s) 1049 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Kevin:''' He's speaking in tongue!
to:
-->'''Kevin:''' He's speaking in tongue!tongues!
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Changed line(s) 1044 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Bill (as Johnny):''' "So, no birthday presents? (pause) Y-You know I was really hoping that I'd get a flowbee. Nothing...?"
to:
Changed line(s) 1046,1052 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Kevin:''' "The Room"! He's "tearing it apart"!
-->'''Mike:''' "In his enraged state, he's able to lift a 65 pound CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube Television) as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"
** When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:''' "He's speaking in tongue!"
-->'''Mike:''' "Oh no, I clearly heard him say *gibberish*."
** When Johnny smashes his mirror:
-->'''Kevin (as Johnny):''' "I hate you, guy who looks like me!"
-->'''Mike:''' "In his enraged state, he's able to lift a 65 pound CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube Television) as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"
** When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:''' "He's speaking in tongue!"
-->'''Mike:''' "Oh no, I clearly heard him say *gibberish*."
** When Johnny smashes his mirror:
-->'''Kevin (as Johnny):''' "I hate you, guy who looks like me!"
to:
-->'''Kevin:''' "The Room"! The room! He's "tearing it apart"!
-->'''Mike:'''"In In his enraged state, he's able to lift a 65 pound CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube Television) as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"
**sort!
* When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:'''"He's He's speaking in tongue!"
tongue!
-->'''Mike:'''"Oh Oh no, I clearly heard him say *gibberish*."gibberish."
** * When Johnny smashes his mirror:
-->'''Kevin (as Johnny):''' "I -->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Johnny)'' I hate you, guy who looks like me!"me!
-->'''Mike:'''
**
* When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:'''
-->'''Mike:'''
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*When Lisa leaves Johnny:
-->'''Bill (as Johnny):''' "So, no birthday presents? (pause) Y-You know I was really hoping that I'd get a flowbee. Nothing...?"
* When Johnny wrecks his room:
-->'''Kevin:''' "The Room"! He's "tearing it apart"!
-->'''Mike:''' "In his enraged state, he's able to lift a 65 pound CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube Television) as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"
**When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:''' "He's speaking in tongue!"
-->'''Mike:''' "Oh no, I clearly heard him say *gibberish*."
** When Johnny smashes his mirror:
-->'''Kevin (as Johnny):''' "I hate you, guy who looks like me!"
-->'''Bill (as Johnny):''' "So, no birthday presents? (pause) Y-You know I was really hoping that I'd get a flowbee. Nothing...?"
* When Johnny wrecks his room:
-->'''Kevin:''' "The Room"! He's "tearing it apart"!
-->'''Mike:''' "In his enraged state, he's able to lift a 65 pound CRT TV (Cathode Ray Tube Television) as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!"
**When Johnny saus something unintelligible:
-->'''Kevin:''' "He's speaking in tongue!"
-->'''Mike:''' "Oh no, I clearly heard him say *gibberish*."
** When Johnny smashes his mirror:
-->'''Kevin (as Johnny):''' "I hate you, guy who looks like me!"
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Changed line(s) 965 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike:''' This movie would be 5,000 times better if Nick referred to the zombies as "his bitches".
to:
-->'''Mike:''' This movie would be 5,000 times percent better if Nick referred to the zombies robots as "his bitches".
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Changed line(s) 166 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Kevin (as the pilot):''' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] who claims that he was in that [[TheBourneSeries new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
to:
-->'''Kevin (as the pilot):''' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] guy who claims that he was in that in]] [[TheBourneSeries that new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
Changed line(s) 168 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Coulson:''' As soon as Loki appeared, we moved Jane Foster.
to:
-->'''Coulson:''' As soon as Loki appeared, took the doctor, we moved Jane Foster.
Changed line(s) 170 (click to see context) from:
to:
* When Black Widow fights with Hawkeye, Mike, Kevin and Bill pay no attention to the scene and talk about how he pales in comparison to the other characters (in their opinion) and Bill keeps telling them that he's not a "comic book" expert.
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Changed line(s) 579 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Mike:''' And he was beaten by the AvenueQ puppets.
to:
--> '''Mike:''' And he was beaten by the AvenueQ ''Theatre/AvenueQ'' puppets.
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Changed line(s) 160,161 (click to see context) from:
-->''Mike:'' Wow so just keep doing that?
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof with a bow and arrow we're all set.]]
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof with a bow and arrow we're all set.]]
to:
Changed line(s) 164,168 (click to see context) from:
-->''Female SHIELD Traffic Control Person:'' We got you on the computer, but not on the data log. What is your haul? Over.
-->''Pilot:'' Arms and ammunition, over.
-->''Kevin (as the pilot):'' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] who claims that he was in that [[TheBourneSeries new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
-->''Pilot:'' Arms and ammunition, over.
-->''Kevin (as the pilot):'' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] who claims that he was in that [[TheBourneSeries new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
to:
* Natalie Portman's lack of appearance in the film:
-->'''Coulson:''' As soon as Loki appeared, we moved Jane Foster.
-->'''Bill:''' She's safe on "Retcon Island".
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added more examples to the Avengers
Added DiffLines:
* The Endless fun they have with Hawkeye saying that he sees better from a distance.
* When [[spoiler: BrainwashedAndCrazy Hawkeye and a squad of henchmen]] approach the helicarrier to attack it:
-->''Female SHIELD Traffic Control Person:'' We got you on the computer, but not on the data log. What is your haul? Over.
-->''Pilot:'' Arms and ammunition, over.
-->''Kevin (as the pilot):'' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] who claims that he was in that [[TheBourneSeries new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
* When [[spoiler: BrainwashedAndCrazy Hawkeye and a squad of henchmen]] approach the helicarrier to attack it:
-->''Female SHIELD Traffic Control Person:'' We got you on the computer, but not on the data log. What is your haul? Over.
-->''Pilot:'' Arms and ammunition, over.
-->''Kevin (as the pilot):'' [[ActorAllusion Oh and we also got]] [[JeremyRenner a guy]] who claims that he was in that [[TheBourneSeries new Bourne movie]], but none of us saw it or really care, over.
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Changed line(s) 953 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Bill:''' Oh please, the only proper way to greet a Mark is: "[[TheRoom Oh, hi Mark!]]"
to:
-->'''Bill:''' Oh please, the only proper way to greet a Mark is: "[[TheRoom Oh, hi Mark!]]"haaaaaiiiiii Mark!]]"
* When dwarf Nick is leading the, ahem, "zombies":
-->'''Mike:''' This movie would be 5,000 times better if Nick referred to the zombies as "his bitches".
* When dwarf Nick is leading the, ahem, "zombies":
-->'''Mike:''' This movie would be 5,000 times better if Nick referred to the zombies as "his bitches".
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added to Thor and Willy Wonka
Changed line(s) 1131 (click to see context) from:
--->'''Kevin:''' Wow, what a shocking and audacious ending.
to:
* When Loki finds out he's [[spoiler: Laufey's son]].
--->'''Loki:''' Laufey's son...
--->'''Bill:''' I'm not sending two Father's Day cards.
--->'''Loki:''' Laufey's son...
--->'''Bill:''' I'm not sending two Father's Day cards.
** "He's Odin-snoring like crazy."
** "Especially when the allfather is Odinsleeping."
** "Can a guy GET SOME ODINSLEEP PLEASE?"
** "Odin's chambers. What better place to Odinsleep.
** "I AM TRYING TO ODINSLEEP!"
** They continue making Odinsleep jokes in the RiffTrax Commentaries for CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger and TheAvengers.
** "Especially when the allfather is Odinsleeping."
** "Can a guy GET SOME ODINSLEEP PLEASE?"
** "Odin's chambers. What better place to Odinsleep.
** "I AM TRYING TO ODINSLEEP!"
** They continue making Odinsleep jokes in the RiffTrax Commentaries for CaptainAmericaTheFirstAvenger and TheAvengers.
** When Thor does a SkywardScream after failing to lift Mjolnir and goes into a HeroicBSOD: "Hmm. Maybe *yelling* is Norwegian for '[[BigNo NO]]!!!!!!!!!'"
Changed line(s) 1136 (click to see context) from:
* As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by a mischievous monkey!"
to:
* As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by please, please, PLEASE let a mischievous monkey!"monkey find it!"
* Mike: (As Jane) "Listen, [[RunningGag how do you feel about sand?]] [[AttackOfTheClones My last boyfriend was so hung up by it; it's so annoying]]."
* Mike: (As Jane) "Listen, [[RunningGag how do you feel about sand?]] [[AttackOfTheClones My last boyfriend was so hung up by it; it's so annoying]]."
Changed line(s) 1233,1234 (click to see context) from:
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC: Mike! You've blown up stage, screen and television actor NeilPatrickHarris!]]\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo Nooooooo!]]''
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo Nooooooo!]]''
to:
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC: Mike! You've Mike, you've blown up stage, screen and television actor NeilPatrickHarris!]]\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNoNooooooo!]]''No!!!!!!]]''
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo
Changed line(s) 1243 (click to see context) from:
'''Mike:''' ...how to play Hangman!\\
to:
'''Mike:''' ...how to play Hangman!\\
Changed line(s) 1284 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike''': Did you ever do this on the set of ''Series/HowIMetYourMother''? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands?
to:
-->'''Mike''': Did Neil, do you ever do this on the set of ''Series/HowIMetYourMother''? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands?
Changed line(s) 1287 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mike''':*Singing* I want a sandwich! A nicely prepared ham sandwich! If you could put a pickle on the side I'd really appreciate it, but don't go through any trouble.
to:
-->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': That's nice. I --
-->'''Mike''': * Continues Singing* I'd like some tube socks! Some good fitting tube socks! Socks that are reasonable priced with good lastic! Socks that don't have a thick seam where my toes are!
-->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': Wonderful, just one small request: Please never sing again.
-->'''Mike''': {{Beat}} Request granted.
-->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': Thank you.
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Changed line(s) 161 (click to see context) from:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
to:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere with a bow and arrow we're all set.]]
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Changed line(s) 609,610 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Kevin (as Katniss):''' Just meeting Edward Cullen, here.
-->'''Bill:''' No, no, wrong young adult-lit phenom.
-->'''Bill:''' No, no, wrong young adult-lit phenom.
to:
Changed line(s) 613 (click to see context) from:
* As Rue lays dying:
to:
* As Rue [[spoiler: Rue]] lays dying:
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Changed line(s) 67,71 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, guys, I made you some snickerdoodles--Gooooood Lord! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!]]\\
'''Bill''': No-no, no, no--
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Is ''THIS'' the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!]]\\
'''Kevin''': No, Disembaudio--\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNo No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!]]
'''Bill''': No-no, no, no--
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Is ''THIS'' the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!]]\\
'''Kevin''': No, Disembaudio--\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNo No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!]]
to:
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, Hey, guys, I made baked you some snickerdoodles--Gooooood snickerdoodles--Goo-ood Lord! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!]]\\
'''Bill''':WATCHING?!?!
-->'''Mike''': No-no, no,no--
Dis, it's--
-->'''Disembaudio''':[[AC:Is ''THIS'' Is this the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!]]\\
'''Kevin''':SHAME!!!
-->'''Kevin''': No,Disembaudio--\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNobut Disembaudio, it's --
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[BigNo No!Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!]]No!!!! NO]]!!!
'''Bill''':
-->'''Mike''': No-no, no,
-->'''Disembaudio''':
'''Kevin''':
-->'''Kevin''': No,
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNo
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[BigNo No!
*"Hi, Mark."
-->'''Bill:''' Oh please, the only proper way to greet a Mark is: "[[TheRoom Oh, hi Mark!]]"
-->'''Bill:''' Oh please, the only proper way to greet a Mark is: "[[TheRoom Oh, hi Mark!]]"
Changed line(s) 1017 (click to see context) from:
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Talk like me. Oh hi, Denny." "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Look at the concentration on his face, you can almost hear his mind working saying, 'Oh hi, Answering Machine!'" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, [[spoiler:Gun Barrel!"]] [["Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"
to:
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Talk like me. Oh hi, Denny." "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Look at the concentration on his face, you can almost hear his mind working saying, 'Oh hi, Answering Machine!'" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" Darkness!"]] "Oh hi, [[spoiler:Gun Barrel!"]] [["Oh Barrel]]!" [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"]]"
**And at the end:
-->'''Bill:''' Oh hi, Mike!
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh hi, Bill!
-->'''Mike:''' Okay, enough already. Join us again next time at RiffTrax.com!
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh hi, RiffTrax!
**And at the end:
-->'''Bill:''' Oh hi, Mike!
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh hi, Bill!
-->'''Mike:''' Okay, enough already. Join us again next time at RiffTrax.com!
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh hi, RiffTrax!
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*Johnny: [[DespairEventHorizon It's not over! Everybody betrayed me! I'm fed up with this world!]]
-->'''Kevin''': I'm going back to [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent BrazilaRomaniSlovakia...Stan]].
*'''Mike (as Denny)''': Hey, are my drug problems over?
-->'''Kevin''': I'm going back to [[WhatTheHellIsThatAccent BrazilaRomaniSlovakia...Stan]].
*'''Mike (as Denny)''': Hey, are my drug problems over?
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Changed line(s) 161 (click to see context) from:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
to:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeartAnyway [[WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
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Changed line(s) 161 (click to see context) from:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeart Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
to:
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeart [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeartAnyway Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
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* When Thor is holding all the reinforcements at bay in the portal with lighning.
-->''Mike:'' Wow so just keep doing that?
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeart Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
-->''Mike:'' Wow so just keep doing that?
-->''Bill:'' Yeah between that and [[WhatKindOfALamePowerIsHeart Hawkeye standing on a roof somewhere we're set.]]
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* The time Bill Corbett starts to quip and Downey Jr steals his line. For the next several minutes Bill tries to out quip Downey as Kevin and Mike keep hitting him.
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**The sheer number of times they have Nick Fury resist saying mother*beep*er in this PG-13 movie.
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updated Titanic and the Avengers
*When Nick Fury tries to stop rogue planes from nuking New York City: "I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE [[SnakesOnAPlane MOTHER*bleep*ING ROGUE BIRDS ON THIS MOTHER*blee*ING HELLICARRIER!"]]
Changed line(s) 797 (click to see context) from:
'''Bill:''' ''[as Aang sobbing]''\\
to:
'''Bill:''' ''[as Aang sobbing]''\\crying]''\\
Changed line(s) 801 (click to see context) from:
'''Bill:''' ''[sobs harder]'' Oh dammit! Dammit!
to:
'''Bill:''' ''[sobs ''[cries harder]'' Oh dammit! Dammit!
Changed line(s) 1011 (click to see context) from:
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"
to:
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh "Talk like me. Oh hi, Denny!" Denny." "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh "Look at the concentration on his face, you can almost hear his mind working saying, 'Oh hi, Answering Machine!" Machine!'" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh [[spoiler:Gun Barrel!"]] [["Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"
Changed line(s) 1157 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Mike:''' I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! [[DeathAsComedy 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321!]]
to:
--> '''Mike:''' Hey Todd, I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! hit! [[DeathAsComedy 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321!]]12345678910 11 12 13 14 15! I win!]]
Changed line(s) 1163 (click to see context) from:
** '''Jack:''' I'm twelve!
to:
** '''Jack:''' '''Mike (as Jack):''' I'm twelve!
Changed line(s) 1165,1168 (click to see context) from:
**** '''Angry gambler:''' You're only seven!
** '''Jack:''' Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade! I'm a BIG boy!
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..." '''Bill:''' Wait, WHEN I was a kid?!
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. '''Bill:''' After all, I'm almost twelve!
** '''Jack:''' Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade! I'm a BIG boy!
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..." '''Bill:''' Wait, WHEN I was a kid?!
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. '''Bill:''' After all, I'm almost twelve!
to:
**** '''Angry gambler:''' '''Mike (as Angry gambler):''' You're only seven!
**'''Jack:''' '''Bill (as Jack):''' Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade! I'm a BIG boy!
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..."'''Bill:''' '''Kevin:''' Wait, WHEN I was a kid?!
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it.'''Bill:''' '''Kevin:''' After all, I'm almost twelve!
**
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..."
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it.
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[[folder: ''The Avengers'']]
* "Why Hulk wear thong!? WHY HULK EVER WEAR THONG!?"
[[/folder]]
* "Why Hulk wear thong!? WHY HULK EVER WEAR THONG!?"
[[/folder]]
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* When Mike impersonates Al Pachino near the end.
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[[folder: ''D-War: Dragon Wars'']]
* In the very beginning;
-->'''Narrator''': Every five hundred years, a young woman is born.
-->'''Mike''': Sometimes even more frequently than that!
* After the young boy is left alone with the old man and he starts walking towards him;
-->'''Mike''': (as kid) Oh boy, special page in the yearbook, here I come.
[[/folder]]
* In the very beginning;
-->'''Narrator''': Every five hundred years, a young woman is born.
-->'''Mike''': Sometimes even more frequently than that!
* After the young boy is left alone with the old man and he starts walking towards him;
-->'''Mike''': (as kid) Oh boy, special page in the yearbook, here I come.
[[/folder]]
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* Compos talks about how O'Connor's undercover story involves him having "just got out of County."
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Compos)'' County spelling bee! That was a tough elimination, homes.
* "Bloodthirsty, ruthless... yet ''pissy''."
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Compos)'' County spelling bee! That was a tough elimination, homes.
* "Bloodthirsty, ruthless... yet ''pissy''."
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* A ''lot'' of fun is had at the fact that the characters are extremely reliant on GPS to, uh, do anything.
-->'''Mike:''' How did guys even drive before GPS?
-->'''Kevin:''' Yeah, it's like they would have had to look ahead of their car to know when a turn is coming up.
-->'''Mike:''' How did guys even drive before GPS?
-->'''Kevin:''' Yeah, it's like they would have had to look ahead of their car to know when a turn is coming up.
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* As Andromeda watches the Krakken emerge:
-->'''Bill:''' "Oh, sure, NaomiWatts gets KingKong, I get mega-squid. I don't care how misunderstood this thing is; I am ''not'' falling in love with it!"
-->'''Bill:''' "Oh, sure, NaomiWatts gets KingKong, I get mega-squid. I don't care how misunderstood this thing is; I am ''not'' falling in love with it!"
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** As she opens a note and reads it:
--> '''Kevin (as Effie):''' Ah, hm, let's see... "You look like slutty Mozart." The HELL?
--> '''Kevin (as Effie):''' Ah, hm, let's see... "You look like slutty Mozart." The HELL?
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Should have zapped this before splitting the original page. Oh well.
Changed line(s) 201 (click to see context) from:
'''Kevin and Bill:''' [[ItGotWorse GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!]]
to:
'''Kevin and Bill:''' [[ItGotWorse GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!]]GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
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Funny moments from the Podcast/{{Rifftrax}} of standalone feature films. (NOTE: funny moments from entries in popular film franchises go on [[Funny/RifftraxFilmFranchises this page.]] If you're adding a riff from a film not listed below, be sure to check whether or not it is listed under "Film Franchises".)
----
[[foldercontrol]]
[[folder: ''300'']]
* When the Persian messenger arrives:
-->'''Leonidas''': What message do you bring?\\
'''Persian Messenger''': Earth and water.\\
'''Mike''': So...''mud''.\\
'''Leonidas''': You rode all the way from Persia for ''earth and water''?\\
'''Bill''': Well, I lost some of the message along the way...
* When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the [[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS! SPARTA!]] gag [[OverlyLongGag straight into the ground]]:
-->'''Bill''': Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA!\\
'''Mike''': His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!"\\
'''Kevin''': Or when he's giving his car a tune-up, and his kid asks, "Hey, dad? What's that small, white thing with metal at each end?" And he always replies, "THIS! IS! A SPARK PLUG!"\\
'''Bill''': ''Or...''when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal--\\
'''Mike''': Uh-oh, where's he going with this?\\
'''Bill''': And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS!]] [[IncrediblyLamePun 'SPART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST]]!!!"\\
'''Kevin''': Wow!\\
'''Mike''': [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done]]!
* Leonidas sitting down next to his son after a sparring session, "Hey, wanna beer, kid?"
--> '''Son''': Um, Dad, why are you [[NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent Scottish]]?
* When Leonidas meets with the Persian messenger:
-->'''Leonidas''': Submission.\\
'''Mike''': That would be [[AGoodNameForARockBand a great name for]] [[GeniusBonus a Muslim]] [[AGoodNameForARockBand rock band]].
* "Jog, men! Jog casually into battle! '''JOG!!!'''"
* (seeing the RainOfArrows) "Aw, relax; they're probably not even meant for us..."
* When the 300 are preparing to leave:
-->'''General Guy''': ...Sons to carry on their name.\\
'''Bill''': Though Johnson's son may not be the marrying type, if you know what I mean.\\
'''Mike''': He's considering [[UnusualEuphemism moving to Athens]], if you catch my drift.\\
'''Kevin''': We think he may [[DontExplainTheJoke be a homosexual]], if you can read between the lines.
* After a shot of the massive Persian fleet:
--> '''Mike (as Delios)''': And so Xerxes and Jimmy Buffett assembled the largest boat-to-boat party in history.
* "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for, like, five minutes!"
* "Uh, I don't like this new '[[DarkerAndEdgier extreme]]' image for ''Literature/TheGivingTree'' --it was fine the way it was."
* "''March Of The Penguins'' had less marching!!"
* Leonidas meeting Xerxes for the first time:
-->'''Kevin''': ''(as Xerxes puts his hands on Leonidas's shoulders)'' Mmmm...you're so tense...
-->'''Xerxes''': It's not the lash they fear...
-->'''Mike''': Oh, no...it's turning into one of ''these''... ''(all three start imitating porno music)''
** And later in that scene:
--->'''Leonidas''': You are as generous...as you are...\\
'''Mike''': Gay.\\
'''Leonidas''': ...divine...\\
'''Bill''': Oh, he is ''[[CampGay divine~]]''\\
'''Leonidas''': Such an offer, only a madman would refuse.\\
'''Mike''': ''([[OohMeAccentsSlipping in a bad Scottish accent]])'' And guess what? I forgot me thorazine today!
* "Muffin out your chests, men!"
** "Alright, men, ready your six-packs! And if you haven't done so already, oil up those pecs!"
* (imitating [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit Roger Rabbit]]) "Ahem. Attention, Spartans!"
* During one of the many battle scenes:
-->'''Delios''': We did what we were trained to do, what we were bred to do, what we were ''born'' to do.\\
'''Bill''': What we were cast, costumed, and choreographed to do.\\
'''Mike''': What we were blue-screened and digitized to do.\\
'''Bill''': What we were ''shaved'' to do.
* And in another battle:
--> '''Kevin:''' Okay, so they're really [[McNinja pre-ninja ninjas]].
--> '''Mike:''' In pre-kabuki kabuki masks.
--> '''Bill:''' And using pre-samurai [[KatanasAreJustBetter samurai swords]].
* When they start throwing bombs at the Spartans:
-->'''Delios''': ''(narrating)'' When muscle failed, they turned to their magic...
-->'''Bill''': To their Ku Klux Pimps!
* "Alright, we're finally here. The movie has finally taken us ''quite literally'' to hell."
--> '''Mike''': Ladies and gentlemen, this has been ''The Importance of Being Earnest''.
* When the evil senator essentially rapes Queen Gorgo:
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, guys, I made you some snickerdoodles--Gooooood Lord! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!]]\\
'''Bill''': No-no, no, no--
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Is ''THIS'' the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!]]\\
'''Kevin''': No, Disembaudio--\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNo No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!]]
* "[[CrowningMusicOfAwesome Kneel before the soundtrack!! SUBMIT TO IT!!!!!]]"
** Also referring to the music: "March, gentlemen, march to the music of [[NineInchNails Nine]] [[GeniusBonus Daktylos]] [[NineInchNails Nails!]]
* The Immortals approach.
-->'''Delios''': The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia....\\
'''Kevin''': The Russian vollyball team?
* During Xerxes' rebuttal to Leonidas turning down his offer to submit to Persia's will:
-->'''Mike''': [[LargeHam HAM ALERT! HAM ALERT!!!]] ''(imitates klaxon)''
* Right before all the Spartans get killed:
-->'''Delios''': ''(narrating)'' [Leonidas's] roar is loud and long...
-->'''Mike''': His teeth are bleached and capped...
* After Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes
-->'''Kevin''': But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear headed into him...\\
''(The spear clips his face, making him bleed, and sticking in the back of his throne)''\\
'''Bill''': ''(as Xerxes covers his face)'' How tacky!
* The Slo-mostrians are coming!
* '''Leonidas:''' Spartans! What is your profession?!\\
'''Spartans:''' HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!\\
'''Mike:''' And I'm a flower arranger!
* "Remember, [[FamilyUnFriendlyAesop only you can prevent sickly babies from diluting the strength of our race]]! [[Film/{{Braveheart}} Freeedooom!]]"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Alien'']]
* Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by RandyNewman instead:
--> "I've got a little alien in me,
--> It's as busy as a little bee.
--> It's gonna be my dinner guest
--> When it busts out of my chest,
--> Because I've got a little alien in me."
* "Well, it seems friendly enough, I'm going to stick my face in its mouth!"
* After Ash snaps at Ripley
-->'''Kevin:''' I don't like girls touching my stuff!
-->'''Bill (whispers):''' I do.
* Kevin makes an awesome reference [[Film/{{ThePrincessBride}} to a certain movie]]
-->'''Kevin:''' I've got my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped!
* The scene where the spaceship is leaving the Alien's planet is so long that Bill actually takes a shower while it's happening and still makes it back in time.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Avatar'']]
->'''Grace''': Who'd you expect, numb nuts?\\
'''Bill''': Thoughtful nickname for a guy [[UnfortunateImplications who is crippled from the waist down]].
* The scene where Jack tries to keep the doglike creatures away with a torch.
-->'''Mike''': This how it is going to feel like for anyone who dresses as a sexy Na'Vi at Comic-Con this year.
-->'''Kevin''': Hey, now! Don't try to talk me out of it!
-->'''Bill''': Gungan! Kill it!
-->'''Kevin''': Meesa... senet... tar...
-->'''Bill''' (whisper): Kill it more!
* During the destruction of the Home Tree
--> '''Soldier''': Yee-ha, baby! Get some!
--> '''Bill''': Did I just tell a tree to get some? Man, I need shore leave.
* '''Jack''': Look where we are, Grace.
-->'''Mike''': In a nice, clean hospital with a crack surgical team? Oh, I guess this is good too.
* '''Bill''': Come my peaceful brethren, LET'S KILL THEM ALL!
* '''Kevin:''' [[Disney/TheLittleMermaid Look at this stuff,]] [[ShoutOut Isn't it neat?]] Wish that my junk was as big as my feet. [[WatchMen Doctor Manhattan's]] got nothing on me in PANDORA!
* Mike's "Robot Knife Fight" song.
* After the final duel between Quaritch and Jake, Jake is back in his human body and struggling to grab a breath mask:
-->'''Mike:''' Yeah, it kept falling out so somebody stapled the emergency mask into the case...
* Neytiri, after she meets Jake: You are like a baby! Always making noise, don't know what to do.
-->'''Bill:''' Poopin in da Huggies, eatin da strained peas!
-->'''Kevin:''' Listening to Raffi and watchin da [[MaxAndRuby Max and Ruby!]]
* The very last joke: [[spoiler:"Morning wood!"]]
* After the failed ritual to transfer Grace into her Avatar:
-->'''Moat:''' Her wounds were too great. It was not enough time.
-->'''Kevin:''' Also our religion is bullshit.
* The 'Informer's rendition was short but hilarious.
* After Jake prays to the Great Mother for aid.
-->Neytiri: The Great Mother does not take sides.
-->Mike (as Neytiri): -she's an amoral psychopath.
* '''Kevin:''' 6-legged, anteater horses.\\
'''Mike:''' George Lucas slowly nods his silent approval.
* Probably the most involved [[RunningGag Kansas City Royals]] joke in Rifftrax history while Jake fights the six-legged dogs:
-->'''Kevin''': A desperate man in blue, confused and frail, lacking necessary skill and training, called up to the big leagues before he was ready, swinging wildly at his more powerful opponent, a single disinterested spectator idly looking on from a distance... eerily reminiscent of a Kansas City Royals game.
-->'''Bill''': Wow.
-->'''Mike''': I believe you covered three entire city blocks before you got to that one.
-->'''Kevin''': I try.
* Any reference to Quaritch's supreme BadAss-itude.
-->'''Quaritch''': Oh, yeah. "Breathing". I suppose some of you ''pussies'' need to do that...
* Speaking of the six-legged dogs: "I've heard those things play a very large part in Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2. Yeah, the series takes a bit of a dark turn."
* ''Jake''': [[TheRoom Oh hai science!]]
** On the design of the Hometree: "Ah, the spiral staircase, one of Cameron's many [[ShoutOut subtle nods]] to TheRoom.
* When Neytiri brings Jake to the Tree of Voices and tells him he can hear the ancestors of the Na'vi
-->'''Jake:''' I can hear them!
-->'''Mike:''' Even in death, your people are annoying and self-righteous.
* The Amway sketch, which takes place when Jake is being chased by a thanator.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Battlefield Earth'']]
* During the OpeningScroll:
-->'''Bill:''' Psssh. 3000. [[MythologyGag What has the year 3000 ever done for us?]]
* [[UnnaturallyBlueLighting "I used to like the color blue. Now it's dead to me]]. Cram it, [[TheSmurfs Smurfs]]. Piss off, ocean. Screw you, sky."
* During the final air battle:
--> '''Mike''': So...these jets were all fueled, and tuned up, and ready to go after A THOUSAND YEARS?!\\
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And a bunch of knuckle-dragging cave dwellers with spears took a break from picking nits off each other and eating them for a few days and taught themselves to become top-level fighter pilots?\\
'''Bill''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And that, somehow, these exact same weapons - well maintained and on alert, mind you - did '''NOT''' save the human race from the aliens one thousand years ago, when the humans who actually '''MADE''' these weapons were alive? You know, the humans that did '''NOT''' wear goat skins, and sacrifice goats, and smell like goats, and marry goats?\\
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And is there any reason that I should not dedicate my '''LIFE''' to building a time machine, so that I can eventually travel back to the set of ''SaturdayNightFever'' and infuse the heels of [John] Travolta's disco shoes with nitro glycerin, so that he is eliminated from history and this movie '''NEVER GETS MADE?!?!'''\\
'''Bill''': Um...no, Mike. Go nuts. ''({{Beat}})''...I think you just did.
** And soon after that fight...
-->'''Mike''': [[SanitySlippage They did it! Those]] [[LordOfTheRings plucky little Hobbits destroyed The Ring!]]\\
'''Kevin''': Uh, Mike? We're not in--\\
'''Bill''': Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh...he's in a better place now.
* "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
* Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
-->'''Terl:''' While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME...
-->''(the guys start cracking up)''
-->'''Terl:''' I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
-->'''Bill:''' Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh?
* This exchange:
-->'''Kevin:''' So, our story so far: Aliens from some death metal planet conquered the Earth then enslaved mankind for a thousand years.\\
'''Bill:''' Right.\\
'''Kevin:''' Then they sent Travolta, who's going to whiz the entire planet down his leg in a few short days.\\
'''Bill:''' Right again.\\
'''Kevin:''' And ''somehow'' this movie is supposed to make us feel good about Scientology?\\
'''Mike:''' Yeah, I think in the same way [[TheBirthOfANation Birth of a Nation]] endeared us all to the Klan.\\
*
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Beowulf'']]
* The harp-playing scene in the mead hall, where the crew proceeds to interject "What If Thor Was One of Us" and "Shorty Got Low" into the song.
* During the battle with Grendel:
--->Here, we can follow along in the Old English text: ''Den punched he, nakede Beowulf, in Grendel on de noggin. Den flipped him doen {{Gymkata}} dismounten causen Grendel his assen be roasted en his bippies in der pit smoken.''\\
Wow, that is an extremely faithful telling.\\
Oh, you're bettin' your meatballs.
* (upon Beowulf stabbing his way out of the eye of the Kraken/Loch Ness Monster/what have you and yelling his name as a war cry:)
--> '''Mike:''' Guys, If I ever burst out of the eye of a giant sea creature, I promise I'll have something better to yell than "MIIIIIIIIIIIKE!"
* (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):
--> '''Mike:''' We interrupt our movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift.
* Anything and everything pertaining to JohnMalkovich. Example:
--> '''Mike:''' ''(upon seeing Malkovich)'' GAH! A creepy, hollow-eyed John Malkovich!...[[TakeThat In other words, John Malkovich.]]
** And later, after Grendel has attacked, something rises from the water:
---> '''Kevin:''' GAH! A hideous sea creature!\\
'''Mike:''' No no no no, it's just John Malkovich.\\
'''Kevin and Bill:''' [[ItGotWorse GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!]]
* In regards to Beowulf's burning pyre boat...thing:
--> '''Mike:''' To quote one Mr. KevinCostner on [[WaterWorld a similar occasion,]] let's see if I can remember this correctly...''(clears throat, says the following line without an ounce of emotion)'' [[DullSurprise My boat.]]
* At the burial of some fellow soldiers:
--> '''Beowulf:''' They were great warriors.\\
'''Kevin:''' No, they were ''Geat'' warriors.\\
'''Wiglaf:''' They died a foul death.\\
'''Beowulf:''' They were murdered by a foul creature from the depths of Hell.\\
'''Bill:''' Right, [[Film/BackToTheFuture Crispin]] [[TakeThat Glover.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Birdemic: Shock and Terror'']]
* The guys start noticing a similar similarity between ''Birdemic'' and [[TheRoom a certain other film]].
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Tommy Wiseau)'' Oh, hi, poorly made cult film directed by an immigrant with a funny accent that's trying to horn in on my business!
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Tommy Wiseau)'' [[SimonAndGarfunkel Oh, hello darkness my old friend.]] Hahahaha!
* The spontaneous, ahem, "[[SpecialEffectsFailure forest fire]]":
-->'''Kevin:''' Help, it's a strangely localized forest fire!
-->'''Bill:''' With small pinpoint blazes that are not spreading in the least! Help!
-->'''Mike:''' And which are handily contained to tiny patches off the road itself making safe passage quite easy! Help!
-->''(later'')
-->'''Kevin:''' It's not a forest fire. It's a bunch of Buddhist monk chipmunks doing a simultaneous self-immolation to protest!
-->'''Bill:''' To protest global warming?
-->'''Kevin:''' No, ''this movie''!
* Kevin: "Sadly, the only [[AnInconvenientTruth inconvenient truth]] was in Rod's ''pants''."
* Bill's ClusterFBomb during the credits at the cast, filled with [[ThisTropeIsBleep censor bleeps]], followed by Mike when Kevin brings up spruce bark beetles.
* During an exceptionally bad bit of SpecialEffectFailure.
-->'''Mike:''' We're going to make this look good in post(-production) right?
-->'''Bill:''' The hell is post? Keep flailing!
* After an eagle manages to divebomb a filling station.
-->'''Mike (as [[TheMuppetShow Sam the Eagle]]):''' Death to weirdos!
-->'''Kevin (as another eagle):''' Sam! '''''[[BigNo Noooooooooo!]]'''''
* The guys have fun with the BlindIdiotTranslation script:
-->'''Rod:''' Watch football. Especially the 49ers. Also, part-times Eagles fan.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hang on. I said "part-times Eagles fan."
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[LeaveTheCameraRunning Keep rolling]]!
** Then:
--->'''Rod:''' You're right, he is cute. So, you're a cats lover.
--->'''Bill:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hold on. I said "cats lover".
--->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' Keep rolling!
* In one particularly bad example of Nyugen refusing to ''ever'' do a second take:
-->'''Nathalie's Mom:''' Look, keep me... ''(stumbles badly on the dialog)'' uh, er, eh, you... know, keep me informed!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' Look, I screwed up the line.
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[BrickJoke Keep rolling!]]
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' But it was really bad!
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' '''KEEP ROLLING!'''
* One word: "Slrpnls." Nobody knows just what a [[http://youtu.be/aVYUPmjJ9bU slrpnl]] is.
-->'''Executive''': "Is there a patent?"
-->'''Rod''': "Yes; Mass Solar owns the patent to this technology."
-->'''Kevin''': "And, what are you calling them again?"
-->'''Mike''': "Slrpnls."
-->'''Kevin''': "I'm...not...?"
-->'''Mike''': "Slrpnls!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Perhaps if you slowed down?"
-->'''Mike''': "Sldwnslrpnls?"
* The crew repeatedly exclaiming "SHOCK! And TERROR!" at slow scenes in the movie (which is often)
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Bourne Identity'']]
* After Jason has knocked out two policemen
-->'''Bill''': Guess I'll have to arrest myself. All right, drop my weapon! I have a right to remain--hey, come back here, me! STOP ME!
* "I hope there's a can on this floor. I've got more gas than the Homer Simpson balloon."
* "Well, apparently I'm a Euro-dick who's too good to answer my own door!"
* When Castel jumps out of the apartment window
--> '''Bill''': AHA, I've ESCAPED! ...Oh, that was dumb!
* "Eamon's starting to breathe on the windows and write dirty words."
* "Dude, you shot my ween! That's just not cool!"
** "I was LYING about my ween, for you see, I do not have one!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Casablanca'']]
* Right off the bat:
-->'''Narrator:''' "With the coming of the second world war..."
-->'''Bill:''' "Switzerland...did nothing."
* '''Rick:''' "Not a bad story..."
-->'''Kevin:''' "But it could use a sparkly vampire."
* During Rick's famous introductory scene:
-->'''Bill:''' "Ah, a classic film character is about to be introduce!"
-->'''Kevin:''' "Jar Jar Binks?"
-->'''Bill:''' "Go to so much Hell it's not even funny!"
-> (Rick appears, smoking a cigarette)
-->'''Mike:''' "Hey, don't Bogart that cigarette."
-->'''Bill:''' "Mike, go join Kevin in Hell!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Casino Royale'']]
* "Welcome back to the finals of Olympic Open Field Tag. Daniel Craig is currently 'It,' but may not be for long."
* The random yet hilarious reaction to seeing Daniel Craig's face in the opening credits.
-->'''Mike''': A GUINEA FOWL! Oh wait, [[TakeThat it's just Daniel Craig]].
** "Oh, I get it now. This guy is the missing Mario Brother." "Either that or he's the original Prince of Persia."
** '''BOND SMASH!'''
** '''ENGLISH GUY!'''
*** "The English Guy doesn't so much leap as he ''plummet''."
* "Spies have been reduced to stealing ringtones for [[{{Ruritania}} Eastern Bloc countries]]. A clean [[Music/SchnappiDasKleineKrokodil Schnappi]] can bring as much as $3 on the black market."
** After Bond steals a bad guy's backpack and starts rifling through it:
-->'''Kevin''': ''(as Bond)'' Ha! Now I get his toaster strudel!
* "Finally, he's got some time for ''SecondLife''--he can get back to being a foxy blue-skinned woman with green hair."
* "I'm Rube Cardsuck, this is Patsy [=McMoneygone=], and Mr. E. Z. Mark."
* "So these are the people behind-the-scenes at the airport making sure your flight is delayed, your luggage is lost, and that the restaurants are always closed when you're hungry."
* When the "World's Largest Airliner" is unveiled:
-->'''Mike''': And of course, this is the day the President is scheduled to go up in the all-new space shuttle--\\
'''Kevin''': With all the other leaders of the free world--\\
'''Mike''': Of course. And 300 orphaned children from Kosovo--\\
'''Kevin''': And Oprah Winfrey!\\
'''Mike''': Sure, throw in Oprah Winfrey!
* Mike and Kevin's bantering impressions of air traffic controllers.
* Kevin singing the ''Film/JamesBond'' theme and segueing into the ''Franchise/IndianaJones'' theme as Bond punches out an evil truck driver during the airport chase scene.
* (As Bond looks at his tuxedo'd self in a mirror) "Yeah! My God, I'm hot! This tuxedo would look best on the floor! ...Seriously, though, [[ScrewYourself I'd do me]] in a heartbeat."
* Mike and Kevin's impressions of a guy who doesn't understand poker and a frustrated croupier, respectively:
--> '''Mike''': "Hit me!
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, you can't do that!"
-->'''Mike''': "Double down!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, that's Blackjack!"
-->'''Mike''': "Bicycle!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, now you're just reading the back of the cards!"
* "Mr. Bond, I have a message for you from a Mr. Le Chiffre. It reads, 'Mr. Bond, your missing ten million dollars has been found, quote: "somewhere in my huge pile of money" and you can pick it up at "my butt." Burn, burn, ROFTLMAO, pwned, love, Le Chiffre.' You know, I really should look these things over before I read them over the intercom."
* ...''This'':
-->'''Vesper (whispering)''': You can have me ''anywhere''.\\
'''Mike (as Bond, rather gleefully)''': Really, like on a bakery counter? Or onstage at a political rally?
* "It's been six minutes and we haven't done it--I wonder if he's impotent..."
* "The people of Venice know about ''land'', right? And how it makes an excellent foundation for buildings?"
* During the [[spoiler:climactic scene where Vesper drowns]]:
--> '''Mike''': * whistles "[[{{Titanic}} My Heart Will Go On]]"* \\
'''Kevin''': If you break out into an ode to Celine Dion, I will give you [[ColdBloodedTorture the Le Chiffre]] [[GroinAttack treatment]] with your own microphone.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Clash of the Titans'']]
* This scene near the beginning
-->'''Spyros''': Something is not right.
-->'''Bill''': Yeah, your family has three different accents.
* ANCIENT MALIBU!
* "Up is pretty!"
* '''Bill''': (Of Perseus's tunic) That little girl's dress was longer than his!
-->'''Hades''': Argos will be swept from the earth, and all of you with it.
-->'''Mike (as Hades)''': Don't leave town or anything, that would be cheating.
* If you know Greek mythology, this bit is hysterical.
-->'''Zeus''': He's no different than any of the others that have turned their backs on us.
-->'''Kevin (as Zeus)''': How many rapes does a guy have to commit before he gets some respect?
* When Perseus is denying that Zeus is his father
-->'''Perseus''': My father was killed by a god.
-->'''Mike''': The god of falling asleep drunk on railroad tracks.
* '''Kevin''': And to Zeus, "NOOOO!" means "YEEESSS!"
* '''Bill''': (when the Kraken takes literally several minutes to fully surface) STILL surfacing? Try to get all the way out before the birth of Christ, okay?
* [[TheRoom Oh hai Hades!!]]
* When Perseus finds the sword:
-->'''Mike:''' Sweet, free glowy thing.
* When Jason and the Argonauts are getting ready to leave
-->'''Man''': Good news!
-->'''Bill''': [[{{Futurama}} Professor Farnsworth?]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Cloverfield'']]
* Our first introduction to the monster:
--> '''Mike:''' [[DevelopingDoomedCharacters You're about an hour late, monster]].\\
'''Kevin:''' We're only 18 minutes in, Mike.\\
'''Mike:''' I stand by my statement.
* When the citizens take pictures of the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty:
-->'''Kevin''': Ms. Liberty! Over here, Ms Liberty!
-->'''Mike''': Ms. Liberty, is it true you're parting with Mickey Rourke?
* "Then again, the upside to destroying New York...no more David Blaine."
** "Wow, you're right! Destroy away, monster! Look for a smug guy with a deck of cards."
* While the protagonists are running to the subway station:
-->'''Mike''': Oh, zoinks! Let's get out of here, [[ScoobyDoo Scooby!]]
* As the protagonists venture into a wrecked building to find their friend:
-->'''Mike''': The Kool-Aid man did this. I'd recognize his work anywhere.
-->'''Bill''' (as Kool-Aid man): OH YEEAAAH!!
* "My name is Robert Hawkins..."
-->* In unison* "[[FightClub His name is Robert Hawkins]]!"
* The camera is focused on a set of [=TVs=] in a radio store, with one of them playing an episode of WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants
-->'''Bill''': Ladies and gentlemen, this just in: Sandy Cheeks is dead!
* A panicky Beth calls Rob
-->'''Beth''': Rob? Rob!
-->'''Kevin (as Beth)''': Rob, I'm at the after party and I don't know anybody here!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Curse of Bigfoot'']]
* When a 70's, shaggy-haired, small-mustachioed, clueless logger comes on camera:
-->'''Bill''': He looks like a police sketch of himself.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Daredevil'']]
* "I would seek justice, one way or another. I would become {{Batman}}! Until some rich idiot in Gotham city sued me for naming rights..."
* [[{{Squick}} "I'm gonna get so, so naked, and then I'm gonna sit my fat bubbly ass right on Affleck's head!]]"
* All of the jokes pertaining to Ben Affleck being Matt Damon's best friend.
* Whenever Kevin tries to shoehorn in any "Daredevil" jokes.
** "What the '''hell''' are you doing? Get it?"
* "Being blind, physics no longer apply to me!"
* After Bullseye gets both of his hands shot;
-->'''Mike''': (in phony Irish accent) They got me drinking hand ''and'' me drinking hand!
* After Kingpin reveals that he is from the Bronx
-->'''Mike''': (mimicking MichaelClarkeDuncan's gravely voice) Don't be fooled by the rocks I got, I'm still Michael from the block.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Day After Tomorrow'']]
* There's a hilarious callback to one of the most... interesting shorts they've done.
** "Drugs are like THAT, too."
* Bill frequently jokes about how the vice president in the movie is an Expy of Dick Cheney, giving him fitting names.
** "Vice President Nick Blaney!"
* Bill doing a New Yorker impersonation.
** Which comes off as somewhat surreal, since Bill himself is from New York City, so he's giving a NYC accent ''when he already speaks in one naturally''.
* When Sam is calling his parents and his LoveInterest, Laura, is trying to get him to hang up because the room is flooding
-->'''Laura''': Sam!
-->'''Bill (as Laura)''': Will you call my boyfriend for me?
* "[[HarryPotter Harry, Hermione, Ron!]]..... black kid!
* Kevin's [[IncrediblyLamePun boat puns.]]
* Bill pointing out how unnecessary the burning books is
* "Oh, yes, plenty of books to burn on those OAK TABLES."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Drag Me To Hell'']]
* "Stop playing Wii Voodoo and help my son!"
* This hilarious scene occurs during the credits, after
-->'''Bill''': Tommy Wiseau!
-->'''Mike''' (In Wiseau's accent): [[TheRoom Oh hai hell! Hahaha...]]
** There's another TheRoom reference as Christine and Clay are in the fortune teller's office.
*** "Clay, you always play psychologist with us! Hahahah..."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Eragon'']]
* "Ga-gal-ba-tor-ix? Really? Even George Lucas can think of better names than that!"
* "E-ragon. The online Ragon merchant that you can trust!"
* In the beginning, when Ayra is magically transporting Saphira's egg.
--> '''Kevin''': Melon?
--> ''The egg vanishes in a burst of light''
--> '''Kevin''': Magic melon!
* The Riffers constantly pointing out how Eragon's family members are never introduced properly.
--> '''Roran''': Hail Eragon, the mighty hunter!
--> '''Mike''': Hail sweaty guy who kinda looks like me.
** ''Later''
--> '''Kevin''': So, why does he feel the need to keep this from his wrestling parter and Hat Guy. You know, the one with the hat?
--> '''Mike''': Well, clearly because that's a blue thing. It's ''blue''.
--> '''Kevin''': Ahh, right, of course.
** Culminating in:
--> ''As Roran leaves the farm''
--> '''Mike''': Goodbye, brother-cousin-friend-fellow-farmhand.
* "Ah JeremyIrons. The guy you call when you think, 'How can I make my movie a lot ''creepier?'''"
* The Riffers giving [[RidiculouslyCuteCritter baby Saphira]] the voice of an alcoholic.
* Mike lets Disembaudio take over for the credits.
* Over a shot of a medieval village
-->'''Kevin''': HUZZAH! Welcome one and all, to the Renaissance Festival!
-->'''Mike''': [[InsufferableGenius Carolingian or Byzantine Renaissance?]]
-->'''Kevin''': I don't know, HUZZAH!
* After the third [[FakeOutFadeOut fake ending]]:
--> '''Mike''': Come on, throw one more random image at us- we can take it!
* Kevin singing "The Hills are Alive" during a sweeping shot of SceneryPorn.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Fast and Furious 2009'']]
* Right off the bat, the's reaction to the "Original Film" card
-->'''Mike:''' "Original Film", a division of "Bitterly Ironic Studio Names, Inc."
-->'''Kevin:''' Yes, ''Original'' Film presents the third sequel in under a decade to a movie that ripped off its plot from ''PointBreak''!
* During the opening scene, the mini-semi flips around and starts driving backwards.
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh, it's Cameron's dad's car from ''[[Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff Ferris Bueller]]'', they have to run the miles off before they return it.
* After Dom catches a bullet in his back and barely even flinches
-->'''Kevin:''' Haha! Now you see that [[PrinceOfSpace your bullets are useless against him!]]
* "Offer him coupons! Drug lords ''love'' coupons!"
* O'Connor gets the name "David Park" out of a low-ranking gang member. One of his fed buddies complains that he could throw a fortune cookie out the window and hit a dozen David Parks. When another agent informs him that "Park" is a Korean name rather than a Chinese one...
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as agent)'' Fine, I'll throw a ''barbecued dog'' out the window, ya happy?
* The running gag of Dom thinking 46 is the biggest number there is. One such instance late in the movie:
-->'''Dom:''' You can't buy your way out of this one.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Dom)'' Unless you have ''46 dollars''.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Fifth Element'']]
* As the Diva sings:
-->'''Mike:''' The very moment he saw her, [[{{Smurfs}} Papa Smurf]] called Lawsuit Smurf, and they sued ''the living shit'' out of her.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Future Force'']]
* Mike and Kevin's DudeNotFunny reaction to Bill's David Carradine joke.
-->'''Bill:''' David Carradine? [[IncrediblyLamePun How did they]] ''[[IncrediblyLamePun rope]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun him into this film?]]
-->''(Both Kevin and Mike react in horror.)''
-->'''Bill:''' What? What?
-->'''Mike:''' Oh, oh... just... TooSoon...
-->'''Kevin:''' Okay, ''now'' you're good.
-->'''Bill:''' Great! Great! Because I have a ''closet'' full of jokes!... ''({{beat}})'' Maybe it ''was'' too soon.
-->'''Mike:''' Yeah.
* Early in the movie Bill has a lot of fun with the fact that Tucker is an agent of "C.O.P.S.", the Civilian-Operated Police System. He's gonna have to file a R.E.P.O.R.T. and drive home in his C.A.R., but he's excited for his upcoming T.H.R.E.E.W.E.E.K.V.A.C.A.T.I.O.N. He explains all of those acronyms, none of them making any sense.
** The opening scene introduces the audience to the "C.O.P.S." concept -- but calls the organization "Civilian Operated Police ''Incorporated''", leading to a RunningGag of referring to them as "C.O.P.I."
* When the film's fascination with showing Tucker drive places has gotten out of hand
-->'''Mike:'''Driving scenes: the cinematic equivalent of sawdust.
-->'''Kevin:''' Driving scenes: without them your crappy movie would be like 20 minutes long.
-->'''Mike:''' That sounds ''great'', actually.
-->'''Bill:''' Yeah! I hate you, driving scenes!
* As a big muscular guy scrawls something on a chalkboard
-->'''Mike:''' Just have to write down how much I hate [[RevengeOfTheNerds NEEEEEEEEEERDS!]]
* On that note, as the camera pans across the C.O.P.S. office, showing Tucker's co-workers to be gun-toting bodybuilders, Bill compares the scene to a Rifftrax staff meeting.
* WANTED: PETER SPRING
-->'''Kevin:''' Ironically, David Carradine owned a number of peter springs.
-->'''Mike:''' What is a pe-Nevermind.
* The BigBad and his [[TheDragon Dragon]] use heavy machinery to murder a lackey in the dead of night. It's ''extremely'' loud and takes a good long while.
-->'''Bill:''' (''as thug'', yelling over the noise) I'M GLAD YOU DECIDED TO GO WITH AN INCONSPICUOUS MURDER PLOT, BOSS!
* When said Dragon is hacking into computer files to frame a troublesome reporter
-->'''Mike:''' So, you hire a big muscley psychopath thug to do your dirty work...
-->'''Kevin:''' I ''do''.
-->'''Mike:''' Then when you need someone whacked, he walks four feet over to a computer and types in a few things.
* The movie ''really'' fails to deliver an atmosphere that suggests the future in any way, and in fact looks appreciably older than its 1989 vintage. This does not go unnoticed at all. For instance, during a chase scene where Tucker is trying to shake a helicopter
-->'''Mike:''' I'm sorry, this chase is just ''too'' futuristic. They're asking us to accept too much.
* And later
-->'''Bill:''' Okay, there can't be that much movie left, so when the Hell are they gonna go through the time portal that takes them to the ''future?''
-->'''Kevin:''' Well, what about this junkyard full of 70s cars and guy loading an antique pistol ''doesn't'' say "future" to you?
* "The [[SinisterMinister evil priest's]] henchman has a pegleg, sure." Said very matter-of-factly to highlight how ridiculous it is.
* "Call me an animal again and I'll shed my winter coat and eat my young!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Future Zone'']]
* The crew get a lot of mileage on pondering how ''Future Force'' merited a sequel at all.
* Despite Bill's line about a time portal in the riff of ''Future Force'', the fact that ''Future Zone'' actually ''does'' involve a time portal doesn't go over well with the guys due to the ridiculously flimsy way it's introduced.
* Carradine's real wife says in the film, "[[FunnyAneurysmMoment He had his kinky moments.]]" This does not go unnoticed by the crew.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Ghost House'']]
* The guys take a few cracks at the horrid motif/ calling card given to the ghost, but the most awesome one is when Kevin turns it into a full on drinking song. It ends:
-->'''Kevin''': ''To the Ghost House!''
-->'''Chorus of voices''': ''To the Ghost House!''
-->'''Bill:''' GAH! Kevin, how'd you do that?
-->'''Kevin:''' It's the ghosts, Bill. They can't get enough of that stuff.
* He's Jim Dalen. He's staying here on vacation with a camper in the yard. His brother and his girlfriend are here too, as is his sister Tina. And his intro will out live him.
* Nick Nolte is apparently hiding out in the Ghost House.
* When Jim Dalen, who's here on vacation with a camper in the yard along with his brother and his girlfriend (oh, and his sister Tina) asks the little girl haunting the place and her clown doll what they want:
-->'''Girl''': Chicken finger Happy Meal.
-->'''Clown''': Same.
-->'''Jim Dalen''': For God's sake, somebody help me!
-->'''Girl''': You want my fries?
-->'''Clown''': You know it!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Halloween'']]
* The entire scene in the beginning where Michael Myers is wandering around the house and Kevin and Mike are playacting as John Carpenter and his wife "Debbie."
* All of the jabs involving how Jamie Lee Curtis's character's friends all seem to dislike her.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''TheHappening'']]
* ''[movie opens up with a cloudy sky]''
-->'''Kevin''' [[TheSimpsons The Haaaappeniiiiing....]]
-->'''Bill:''' Die die die die d-death death death d-diediediedie!
* ''[A construction worker has fallen to his death]''
-->'''Worker:''' David?
-->'''Mike:''' David Blaine? Are we rid of you at last?
* At the construction site
-->'''Kevin''': It's raining men, hallelujah!
* This ActorAllusion:
-->'''John Leguizamo''': Wanna come to my mother's for dinner?
-->'''Bill''': We're having [[WesternAnimation/IceAge ground sloth]]!
* During the lion attack
-->'''Kevin''': [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail Tis but a scratch!]]
* Mark Wahlberg's character notices a [[spoiler: soon revealed to be plastic]] plant...
--> '''Mike''': ''(as plant)'' Put a piece of glass in your eyyyyye...C'mon. Why aren't you killing yourself? Oh, God, I'm terrible at this!
* One of Rifftrax's many memorable song covers:
--> '''Kevin Murphy''': (singing) The Summer Wind/Came blowing in/So I killed myself/It lingered there/So I took a hatpin from my hair/And plunged it into my jugular vein... Take it Mike!
--> '''Mike Nelson''': (singing) I sliced my wrists/with some broken glass/And then I blew my head off too/Then I disemboweled myself/And hung myself with my own intestines thanks to the Summer Wind.
--> '''Bill Corbett''': Very nice you guys, maybe a touch dark.
--> '''Kevin Murphy''': Really? Which part?
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''High School Musical'']]
* The boys singing over the creepy sibling's audition song. Including [[RandyNewman Short People]], the theme to TheFactsOfLife, [[ShaniaTwain Man! I Feel Like a Woman]], [[TheClash London Calling]], Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and [[DavidBowie Suffragette City]].
--> "Stop singing about [[BrotherSisterIncest "having"]] [[UnfortunateImplications each other!]]"
* Kevin deciding that "Get Cha Head In the Game" means "If you want Head, you should get it In The Game."
* Kelsi trips:
--> '''Kevin:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
* A boy does some ballet:
--> '''Kevin:''' [[Film/{{Fame}} SHAME!]] I wanna look like a douche bag!
--> *CRASH!*
--> '''Mike:''' And he was beaten by the AvenueQ puppets.
* Troy's reaction after Gabrielle volunteers to audition, complete with wheezing.
* ''Stick To The Status Quo''
-->'''Kevin:''' The Disney Channel. High schooler's repressed secrets are "I like rap" instead of "Dissecting a fetal pig gave me a boner".
-->'''Bill:''' The most kick-ass cello solo that doesn't involve the phrase "Yo-Yo Ma's drunk again."
** Later, after the song.
--->'''Chad:''' Oh let's see, um you miss free period workout yesterday to audition for some heinous musical, and now suddenly people are confessing. Yeah Zeke, Zeke is baking. Crème brûlée.
--->'''Troy:''' Oh. What's that?
--->'''Zeke:''' Oh, it's a creamy custard-like filling with a caramelized surface, it's really satisfying.
--->'''Troy:''' Yeah, cool.
--->'''Chad:''' Shut up, Zeke!
--->'''Bill:''' Zeke would blind him with his pastry torch the very next day.
* During Chad's first appearance.
-->'''Chad to Troy:''' Because in two weeks we're going to the championships. With you leading us [[WesternAnimation/ToyStory to infinity and beyond]].
-->'''Bill:''' And Disney finally sues Disney.
* "Help!" - A message from the film's editor. Poor bastard never had a chance.
* "If Troy can tell his secret, then I can tell mine. I bake... every night, while watching Creator/AdultSwim"
* [[Franchise/JurassicPark "Gah! A velociraptor!"]]
* Kevin's addition to Gabriella's song:
-->'''Gabriella:''' ''Why did I let myself believe/Miracles could happen?''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''And miracles, speaking of those/[[Music/InsaneClownPosse How do magnets function?]]''
* There's a RunningGag where they frequently joke about how Ms. Darbus is actually a man.
* This scene between Gabriella and Taylor
-->'''Gabriella:''' What do you know about Troy Bolton?
-->'''Mike (as Taylor):''' That blonde chick with the big eyebrows?
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Highlander'']]
* The crew making fun of how the main character's accent sounds like [[TheRoom Tommy Wiseau's.]]
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh [[IncrediblyLamePun hai-lander!]]
* Once again making fun of Connor MacLeod's accent.
-->'''Officer:''' Where you from?
-->'''Connor:''' Lots of different places.
-->'''Kevin:''' But mostly Switzer-France!
* After Ramírez tells Connor he can't have children.
-->'''Ramírez:''' (about Heather, Connor's wife) You must leave her, brother.
-->'''Bill:''' I'm not banging her brother, I'm banging ''her!''
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Hunger Games'']]
* The numerous references to how much this film resembles {{Twilight}}.
-->'''Kevin (as Katniss):''' Just meeting Edward Cullen, here.
-->'''Bill:''' No, no, wrong young adult-lit phenom.
* As the crowd from the Districts assembles for the Reaping:
-->'''Kevin:''' The grave look of people going to a Nickelback concert.
* As Rue lays dying:
-->'''Rue:''' Can you sing?
-->'''Mike:''' (as Katniss) "Shot through the heart/and you're to blame..."
-->'''Kevin:''' Bad choice.
* After Primrose is reaped;
-->'''Mike:''' (as Primrose) Screw it, I'll see all you Sarahs Plain and Tall in hell.
* The Stinger after Haymitch Abernathy's "Embrace" speech:
-->'''Haymitch:''' Embrace the probability of your eminent death, and know, in your heart, that there's nothing I can do to save you.
-->'''Kevin:''' That's how the hostess greets you at Denny's.
* During the ceremony, once all the tributes are in the circle:
-->'''Mike:''' So, now the Sorting Hat makes out with the Goblet of Fire, right?
* After the ceremony, backstage:
-->'''Bill:''' So can we take off the "X-Men join the Ice-Capades" outfits yet? Or...?
* When Katniss is introduced to the cheering crowd:
-->'''Mike:''' Your death better be entertaining!
* When Effie Trinket is picking the male tribute:
-->'''Effie:''' And now... for the boys.
-->'''Kevin:''' Come on, girl, that's your cue to shake what your mama gave ya!
* All of the jokes pertaining to "Peeta" being a mispronunciation of "Peter."
* The scene in the training room with the one tribute hanging from the rafters:
-->'''Mike:''' Gah! [[LOLCats Ceiling Cat]] has assumed human form!
* "Now excuse me, I need to get back to my shift in a [[Main/{{Anime}} freaky Japanese cartoon.]]"
* The return of the [[{{Twilight}} Volturi's]] [[RockyHorrorPictureShow "Frankenfurtur moans,"]] applied here to the council.
* While Katniss is trudging through the forest:
-->'''[[{{Irony}} Kevin]] (singing):''' ''I believe the children are our future...''
* As Katniss' group is ganged-up on by another group of other tributes in the clearing:
-->'''Bill:''' I assume the blonde ringleader is a Malfoy of some sort?
* After Katniss points out the improbability of her winning to Gale:
-->'''Katniss:''' There's 24 of us, Gale, only one comes out.
-->'''Kevin:''' That's what I scream every time I get on a bus.
* On President Snow, first seen sitting down in a balcony:
-->'''Kevin:''' Well there's Waldorf, where's Statler?
* When Katniss shoots the bag of apples, causing them to tumble out:
-->'''Kevin(as an apple):''' Freedom!
-->'''Mike (as an apple):''' I'm gonna compare myself to an orange!
-->'''Bill (as an apple):''' I'm gonna stuff a pig in MY mouth!
* As she cuts off the tracker jacker-nest:
-->'''Mike:''' Well gentlemen, I suppose we better...
-->'''Kevin:''' Yep, nothing for it...
-->'''Bill:''' Agreed guys, okay, on three, one, two, three...
-->'''All three:''' [[TheWickerMan NOT THE BEES!!!!!!!]]
* This moment with Effie Trinket (of which there are many):
-->'''Effie:''' Manners!
-->'''Bill:''' Says the woman dressed like Zombie Drag Queen Willy Wonka.
** When we're first introduced to her:
--->'''Mike:''' Albino {{Prince}}, ladies and gentlemen.
* As they're in the train, coming up on the Capitol, in a nice throwback to the StarWars riffs:
-->'''Kevin:''' It looks like the city where Anakin Skywalker denounced sand!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Inception'']]
* The entirety of Bill Corbett's rant about Lost.
* As Cobb toasts Fischer Sr:
-->'''Cobb''': To your father.
-->'''Mike''': And may nobody break up his empire. *exaggerated cough*
* There's a RunningGag with the crew making Titanic jokes
-->'''Arthur''':(about Mal) What's she doing here?
-->'''Kevin (as Cobb)''': ROSE!?'
* There's another running joke where the crew picks on Ellen Page's character Ariadne by mimicking her way of speaking in Juno.
** "Honest to blog?"
** "I hope my teen pregnancy won't be an issue, yo yo yiggidy yo!
* There's an awesome ShoutOut to a [[TheRoom certain infamous movie]] when Fischer puts a gun to his head within the second dream.
** "Everyone betray me!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Iron Man'']]
* "[[TheBigLebowski The Dude]], [[HeyItsThatGuy International CEO.]]"
* When Tony is chatting up the journalist and looking very skeevy:
-->'''Mike''': Glasses from the "I Own A Dirty Bookshop" collection.\\
'''Bill''': Beard and mustache from the "Guy Who Makes Lewd Comments About His Own Nieces" collection of beards and mustaches.\\
'''Kevin''': Slicked-back hair from the "Brother-In-Law Who Threw Up At Your Daughter's First Communion Party" line of slicked-back hair.
* Kevin mistaking "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies for a Keanu Reeves monologue, and continuing the song in his own words when Tony turns off the radio.
--> "THERE'S BUGLES ALL OVER THE FLOOR!"
* When Tony shows his weapons to the troops:
-->'''Tony''': I PREFER the weapon you only HAVE to fire ONCE!\\
'''Kevin''': I SAY things with emphasis ON words THAT may not HAVE gotten them NORMALLY!
* [[DisproportionateRetribution "And this is just for an overdue book from the Kandahar library."]]
* ''[while Tony is building his reactor]''
-->'''Yinsen:''' What is that?
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Tony Stark)'' It's called a "cram it four eyes."
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Yinsen)'' Oh really, I thought tha- HEY!
* When Tony Stark is wandering through the desert after escaping:
-->'''Kevin''': Guys...I'm having...''{{Ishtar}}'' flashbacks...''(starts gasping for breath)''\\
'''Mike''': No! We're losing Kevin! Bill, give him [[CrowningMusicOfAwesome 20cc of]] ''LawrenceOfArabia'' soundtrack, stat!\\
'''Bill''': Uh, roger! ''(starts humming ''LawrenceOfArabia'' music)''\\
''(Kevin calms down)''\\
'''Mike''': Oh, good...he's coming out of it, good. Kevin?\\
'''Kevin''': I-is that PeterOToole?\\
'''Mike''': Yes, Kevin, you trooper! Yes, it ''is'' PeterOToole!\\
'''Bill''': [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial It is definitely not]] WarrenBeatty or DustinHoffman!\\
''(A helicopter flies over Tony Stark from out of nowhere.)''\\
'''Mike''': [[OhCrap Oh no!]]\\
'''Kevin''': ''(gasping again)'' ''{{Ishtar}}''...can't breathe...\\
'''Bill''': Sorry! ''(starts humming ''LawrenceOfArabia'' music again)''
* "Summer 2009: [[AC:Robert Downey, Jr. IS John Henry]]!!!"
* "Doctor's got a Ph. D. in ''killing you''."
* "Xana''dude'': L. A. home of [[Film/CitizenKane Charles Foster Kane]] III."
* When Tony first attacks the terrorists in the cave with the original suit:
-->'''Kevin''': The new and improved [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Tin Man]]!\\
'''Bill''': Oil can replaced by [[BadAss can of Whoop-Ass]].\\
'''Mike''': Seth Rogen--assassin.
* This little bit when Stark returns to the Middle East village:
-->'''Bill (as Iron Man)''': Give me a reason not to smite thee!\\
'''Kevin''': I'm being held captive here against my will!\\
'''Bill''': Can't hear you, smiting.
* Or this when we meet the, aptly named, main villain.
-->'''Announcer''': Howard Stark's lifelong friend and ally, Obadiah Stane\\
'''All''': Obadiah Stane?!\\
'''Bill''': Did they consider naming him "Menacing T. Badperson"?
* At the start of Tony's press conference.
-->'''Stane''': ''[over a microphone, audible pause]'' Aaahh...\\
'''Kevin''': That's a moose! Okay now ''you'' do an animal.
* Any joke about Robert Downey, Jr.'s [[strike:past]] everlasting drug problems.
** '''Mike:''' HEROIN! I mean HELP!
** '''Kevin:''' I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
** '''Bill:''' VALIUM! I mean OH MY GOD!
* "I brought you some steak and some spinach; [[IncrediblyLamePun your diet needs more iron, man!]] (laughs weakly).
* KeanuReeves monologue. Nuff said.
* Turning Pepper into TheDitz. "Which one is Spider-Man?"
* Bill's "Ow!" as the mask slams shut over Tony's face.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Jaws'']]
* When the title shows up
--> '''Mike''' Finally, the ESPN biopic on Ron Jaworski that I've been clamoring for!
* Kevin's opera note as wrong!shark's mouth is pulled open.
* As the town meets over the recent shark attacks, and Quint scrapes the chalkboard with his nails
--> '''Bill''' ''(as Quint)'' Attention. I dropped a rolo and i can't find it. so if you find a rolo, its MINE
* As the Trio are about to set off to hunt the shark, and Brody is kissing his wife
-->'''Quint''' Break it up, will ya chief!! Daylight's wastin'!!
-->'''Kevin''' ''(as Quint)'' AND YA PROMISED YOU'D SAVE YOUR TENDEREST KISSES FOR ME! YOU BIG GAY YA!
* As the shark pulls Quint under:
-->'''Bill''':Quint? You okay man?
* The shark bursts through the wall:
-->"Oh Yeah!"
* "Thirty-eight colorful and barely coherent Quint stories later..."
* "Day Two; or, as it would come to be known: The day Quint ate Hooper."
* Hooper: "I should get out of the shark business and chase my real dream of winning the World's Worst Head-Hair, Facial-Hair Combo Award!"
** Quint (in the cab of the boat): "I'll bet that Hooper kid is anglin' fer my World's Worst Head-Hair, Facial-Hair Combo Award. Be damned if I'm givin' up the throne!"
* The shark pulls away the harpoon Brody was using to stab at it;
-->"I only wanted it because you wouldn't let me have it."
* After the shark is blown up;
-->'''Brody''':Can't wait to rub this in Widow Kintner's face when I show up to collect that award!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Jurassic Park'']]
* When the Brachiosaur is first seen:
-->'''Weird Al''': "The utter majesty... Imagine how much dog food you could make with just one!"
* As the Jeep drives to the Visitor Center:
-->'''Weird Al''': Is that a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': No.\\
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': No!\\
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo NO!]]''\\
'''Weird Al''': This park sucks....
* "Time to run amok! [[{{Godzilla}} Where are the Japanese?!]]
* "I'm a sadistic bastard!"
* "Aah! A human!"
* Our heroes are blocked by a fence that may or may not be electrified:
-->'''Weird Al''': Timmy; you have a high tolerance for pain...
* "BOY! OR! GIRL!?"
* After Dr. Grant and the kids first escape from the T-Rex.
--> '''Alex''': He left us! HE LEFT US!\\
'''Grant''': But that's not what ''I'm'' going to do.\\
'''Mike''': I have darker plans for you!
* [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes "Shhhhhh, be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting waptors"]]
* *thunder crashes* "'''PLAY''' '''''[[{{God}} ME]]''''' '''WILL YOU?!'''"
* When we first meet Hammond:
-->'''John Hammond''': I can tell instantly about people - it's a gift.
-->'''Mike Nelson''': I go mainly by skin colour!
* Nedry giggles happily as Dodgson gives him a bag full of money:
-->'''Weird Al''': Poor sap thinks the bag is full of bacon.
* Two park workers are shown, both wearing pink shirts:
-->'''Park worker one''': So, as I was saying, Bob, I BOUGHT my pink shirt first!
-->'''Park worker two''': Yeah, yeah, but I WORE mine first, Travis!
-->'''Park worker one''': OOH, if this fence wasn't here!
* The scene that takes place right after the Brachiosaurus sneezes over Lex.
-->'''Timmy''': God bless you!
-->'''Brachiosaurus''': I wish, every time we get up and running, God strikes us down with a meteor!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Last Airbender'']]
* Just after Sokka pops up, we get this gem:
--> "Insta-Douchebag!"
* '''Iroh:''' When you wake we'll have tea together before we start the engines, eh?\\
'''Bill:''' [[TheRoom Let's go get something to eat, HUUUUUUH?]]
** Another Room reference occurs soon after the first;
-->'''Aang''': YOU'RE LYING!
-->'''Bill''': (in Tommy Wiseau's accent) I never hit you! You are tearing me apart... I don't know, Harpo?
* '''Kevin''': (As Pakku, fending off the Fire Nation with [[SpecialEffectsFailure some less than impressive waterbending]]) Behold the awesome power of my grand-niece's Super Soaker!
* '''Mike:''' ''[as Katara]'' Just F.Y.I., that big flying panda thing of yours... he drowned.\\
'''Bill:''' ''[as Aang sobbing]''\\
'''Mike:''' And your flying monkey cat.\\
'''Bill:''' Yes?\\
'''Mike:''' He lived.\\
'''Bill:''' ''[sobs harder]'' Oh dammit! Dammit!
* ''[A soldier walks up and whispers to Zhao, played by Aasif Mandvi]''
--> '''Mike:''' ''[as soldier]'' Sir, I just checked. The whole [[TheDailyShow Daily Show]] crew is making fun of you, even John Oliver.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''[as Mandvi]'' Wha- Oliver?! But he was in the freakin' [[TheLoveGuru Love Guru]]!\\
'''Mike:''' Love Guru has more than double our [[RottenTomatoes tomato meter ranking]], sir.\\
'''Kevin:''' DAMMIT!
* ''[When Zuko talks to the boy in the Fire Nation colony]''
-->'''Zuko:''' You seem like a smart boy.
-->'''Bill:''' I LIKE TURTLES!
-->'''Kevin:''' Okay, maybe not...
* '''Aang''': We were forced under the water of the ocean.\\
'''Bill''': The water of the ocean, much like the air of the sky or the flame of the fire.
* And of course, the obligatory [[HeyItsThatGuy Harpo]] joke
--> '''Mike''': Wait, that's... I'm ashamed to know this, but that's the Harpo guy from Literature/{{Twilight}} isn't he?
--> '''Kevin''': I'm ashamed to confirm, but yes.
--> '''Mike''': Our shame is great.
--> '''Kevin''': Perdurable shame.
* ''[An old Earth Kingdom man leads Aang to a shed.]''
-->'''Old Man:''' These are all tools related to bending.
-->'''Kevin:''' Well Harpo's a tool and he's related to a bender.
-->'''Bill:''' Lock him in the shed!
* As the boy narrates Zuko's {{Backstory}}
-->'''Boy:''' Fire Lord Ozai burned his son, to teach him a lesson.
-->'''Mike:''' The lesson: [[DisproportionateRetribution Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.]]
* As Admiral Zhao confronts the Blue Spirit:
-->'''Zhao:''' Who are you? Why are you doing this?
-->'''Bill:''' (As Zhao) I mean, I know you're a cosplay character from some lame {{Anime}} series, but I can't place you.
* As Zhao briefs Ozai on the Avatar's rescue:
-->'''Ozai:''' [[LargeHam And you think. My son is this... person they are calling THE Blue Spirit?]]
-->'''Mike:''' (As Zhao) I don't know where you got that from, my liege. Mostly they call him "The Masked Homo".
* [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]
-->'''Zuko''': BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY!
-->'''Mike''': I NEED THEIR PREPERATION H FOR MY FACE OWIES!
* '''Zuko''': Don't even try to escape, THIS IS A WARSHIP!- ''[Aang flips over a table]''
-->'''Bill (As Zuko)''': Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something!
-->'''Mike (As Iroh)''': Hey, don't beat yourself up, you said "Don't even try to escape". Who knew he would try to escape despite your saying that? It's not your fault.
-->'''Bill''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps.
* "Hello, plot? Motivation? Audience Interest?"
* As Zhao is describing his plans to the king...
-->'''Zhao''': With this information, we can bring down the water tribe city.
-->(''Ozai's actor looks toward the camera'')
-->'''Kevin (as Zhao):''' King? King, YO! I'm over here king!
* [[MemeticMutation PEBBLE DANCE]]
--->'''Kevin''': Let us never speak of what just happened again.
* A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away
-->'''Mike''': Those guys aren't running from Aang, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's [[TheHappening lemon drink]] back there.
** Several Scenes Later.
-->'''Kevin''': Oh no, it's the wind from TheHappening.
-->'''Mike''': What? Ma'am, no, not the wind.
* Aang practicing waterbending
--->'''Mike''': Oh great water god Matthew [=McConaughey=], grant that I may remain forever shirtless.
--->'''Bill (in southern accent)''': Well, alright....
* Yue doing her thing.
--->'''Bill''': Almost as dramatic as the time the earth princess sacrificed her life for the dead ficus tree.
* Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is.
* The whole [[RunningGag practice area sequence]]
* Also, airline safety dance.
* Introducing Zhao: TheDailyShow's Senior Taking-a-Role-for-the-Paycheck Correspondent. And also:
-->'''Zhao:'''[spotting Zuko's ship] The banished Prince. Let's offer him lunch.
-->'''Mike:''' Which one of you two can yell the loudest?
* Run! M. Night's making his cameo back there!
* '''Kevin''' [as Zuko]: I have no time to think about girls when I'm obsessing over a 12-year-old boy. Wait. ThatCameOutWrong.
* As Zhao dies a watery death:
---> '''Bill''': [[ActorAllusion Back...to you]][[TheDailyShow ..Jon...ugh.]]
* "Hey, Mr. Avatar, you're causing all the toilets in town to back up."
* Any time Aang is referred to as [[StarWars a Jawa.]]
* Iroh's first appearance:
--> '''Kevin:''' Hey, man, like, what have you done with [[CheechAndChong Cheech, man?]]
* Iroh tests Aang's Avatar abilities by pouring water on the table:
--> '''Bill:''' When the blind serve drinks.
* Zhao sees Zuko again:
--> '''Zhao:''' I killed you!
--> '''Mike:''' ''(as Zuko)'' [[PreAssKickingOneLiner I got better.]]
* After knocking Katara out:
--> '''Zuko:''' I'm not allowed to go without him.
--> '''Kevin:''' ''(as Katara, said perkily)'' That's nice; I'm unconscious!
* One of the title cards:
--> '''Mike:''' You know, I tried reading the Water book; I found it [[IncrediblyLamePun a little dry.]]
* "So do you think they mean 'bender' the way British people use it?" "Google it, folks!"
* Kevin vocalizing Aang's DullSurprise while entering the Northern Water Tribe.
* When a Firebender looks up at the wave caused by Aang, turns around and points to it - "Frag One!"
* After Zhao removes his cape and nervously puts it down - "I'll take off more. Don't think I won't take off more!"
* During Katara's opening seen, showing her waterbending.
--> "Ultimately BP resorted to witchcraft to clean up the Gulf."
* As Aang fights off a horde of Fire Nation soldiers in a stone dais thing:
-->'''Bill:''' (thoughtfully) You know, that looks like a lot of effort. He should just get a gun.
* When Zhao is about to kill the moon spirit and asks Iroh why the gods insist on giving themselves such vulnerable physical forms:
-->'''Iroh''': To teach man kindness and humility.
--> *Close up of the sack holding the soon-to-be-dead moon spirit*
-->'''Kevin''': Workin' out great.
* As all the soldiers/citizens stop to watch the tidal wave rising up over the city during the climactic final battle:
-->'''Mike:''' You know, if it were me, I'd try and resist the urge to look up in wonder and just go around stabbing the other guys until they caught on to me.
* Kevin singing ''Macarena'' as Aang is doing martial arts (sorta).
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Manos: The Hands Of Fate'']]
* At the very beginning:
-->'''Kevin:''' This looks familiar... oh yeah it's footage from my vacation to Hell.
-->'''Bill:''' That's El Paso.
-->'''Kevin:''' Like I said, ''Hell''.
** Many TakeThat riffs aimed at Texas ensue.
* On another scene of The Master showing his robe.
-->'''Mike:''' You know, if you removed four of the fingers of each of the hands on his robe there, [[FlippingTheBird you'd have my opinion of this movie.]]
-->'''Bill:''' [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Two thumbs up?!]]
-->'''Mike:''' [[SureLetsGoWithThat Um... yeah.]]
* At one point, The Master's dog stares directly into the camera.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Demon Dog)'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I miss Michael Vick.]]
-->''(During the Live Show, the audience loudly groaned, evoking a "What? WHAT?" from Kevin.)''
* Peppy, the family's little dark-haired poodle, is found dead. Response?
-->'''Mike:''' Well, I guess it's true: [[BlackGuyDiesFirst The black character always dies first]].
* The nighttime scene of the two teens making out gets depicted as "white trash" version of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. At the Live Show, the Crew took a bow to thunderous applause after the riff.
* When Debbie is revealed as one of The Master's future "wives", naturally the Rifftrax crew reacted in horror, but subverted by Kevin admitting it wasn't nearly as creepy as ''ToddlersAndTiaras''.
* The AwkwardSilence and [[HeldGaze Meaningful Looks]] were allowed to play without riffing (which was only accompanied by the natural unscripted chuckle by one or more of the riffers), to great comedic effect.
* The end of the "Peeping Torgo" scene, after the expected jokes regarding Torgo's pervy peeping, when Margaret turns to see the window empty and Torgo-less.
-->'''Bill:''' [[ADateWithRosiePalms FAP FAP FAP FAP!!!]]
-->''(Mike groans in disgust.)''
-->'''Kevin:''' [[DudeNotFunny Okay, that's just not funny!]]
-->''(During the Live Show, the riffing was delayed due to shrieking laughter from the crowd.)''
* When the Master starts beating the First Wife and tearing her clothes off.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as wife)'' Go ahead, lightly slap me and spread jelly on my cheek! And take my... toilet paper ration or whatever that was!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Memento'']]
* The RunningGag involving Burt's the motel manager's missing pet raccoon.
* "SHIRTS! SHIRTS! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!"
* ''(At the end of the film)'' "Hi, I'm Mike Nelson, and welcome to Rifftrax..."
* "''[[Film/{{Memento}} MEMENTO]]'': '''[[MundaneMadeAwesome HOT, BACKING UP ACTION, PULLING CAREFULLY FORWARD LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!]]'''"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey'']]
* When Nestor returns home as Roger Miller sings:
-->'''Mike (as Nestor)''': ''"Guy that beat me and killed my mother, you're my best friend of all!"''
* Mike and Disembaudio arguing over the appropriateness of Mike using the word "ass" to describe the donkey narrator.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Neutron the Atomic Superman Vs. the Death Robots'']]
* The introduction of our, ahem, hero.
-->'''TV announcer:''' This is the mysterious agent, [[MaskedLuchador Neutron]].
-->'''Mike:''' AKA [[HomestarRunner Strong Bad]].
*
-->'''Mike:''' We return to AMC's ''[[BreakingBad Breaking]] [[GratuitousSpanish AY DIOS MIO!]]''
* While Neutron and Dr. Caronte wrestle in his lab.
-->'''Bill:''' Hey, hey, Neutron. Do you ever feel we resolve our conflict this way not because we choose to, but instead due to some cultural expectation put upon us because of the way we're dressed? [[BecomingTheMask Like, do we wear these masks or do these masks wear us?]] Y'know?
-->'''Mike:''' I hear what you're saying, and, friend, while I do respect your analytical perspective, it's impossible to ignore the underlying issues of '''PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH!'''
** Kevin then ponders why [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim no one is using the gun that was brought into the lab]].
--->'''Mike:''' This fight choreographed by two eight year olds mashing the "A" button over and over again.
* When Dr. Caronte attempts a lame WeCanRuleTogether ploy on Neutron:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hm, not working. Why not try a "We're NotSoDifferent, you and I"?
** (Of course, Caronte then invokes TakingYouWithMe. ''Neutron'' is embarrassingly TropeOverdosed.)
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Paranormal Activity'']]
* The riffers making fun of, among other things about Micah, his name:
-->'''Micah:''' Show yourself!
-->'''Mike:''' When guys named "Micah" try to act tough, we '''''all''''' lose.
-->'''Kevin:''' Parents, more evidence that naming your child "Micah" never ends well.
-->'''Mike:''' By the way, guys, just wanted to correct a little error I've let go for too long: my name is ''spelled'' M-I-K-E, but it's pronounced "Meek".
-->'''Bill:''' Yeah, don't trash-talk the phantoms when your name is "Micah"; it's not gonna work.
*
-->''(Doorbell rings)''
-->'''Bill:''' Demon~! I'll just leave 'im on the porch, okay?
-->''(Katie answers the door)''
-->'''Bill:''' ''(growly, demonic voice)'' ''''"COME WITH ME TO HELL!!!"'''
* (Pretending to read with the planchette on Ouija board):''' T-H-I-S-M-O-V-I-E-B-L-O-W-S'''
* '''Micah:''' You got a problem?
-->'''Kevin:''' [[VanillaIce Yo, I'll solve it...]]
* The riffers' reaction to the ridiculously small areas where Micah puts powder on the ground to pick up the demon's footprints:
--> "And, provided the thing can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!"
* The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
* '''Mike:''' So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is Creator/MichaelBay.
* '''Micah:''' Hey, we haven't had anything interesting happen in a while!
-->'''Bill:''' Wow, he's doing our job for us.
-->'''Mike:''' This might be our first self-riffing movie!
* '''Mike (as Micah):''' Here, let me sing you a lullaby: '''''[[SympathyForTheDevil PLEASE ALLOW ME]] [[Music/TheRollingStones TO INTRODUCE MYSELF]], [[ManOfWealthAndTaste I'M A MAN]]...'''''
* And this:
--->'''Micah:'''[Demons] stalk people for years, like, decades. Sometimes they're really intelligent in the way they do things.
--->'''Bill:''' So intelligent that they could put your keys on the ground or even move a door.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Reign of Fire'']]
* * singing* "I fell in to a burnin' ''Reign of Fire''!/ [=McConaughey=] peeled off his shirt/ and the flames got higher!"
* When a man and a boy explore a cave:
-->'''Man (to Boy)''': Why don't you go inside and have a wee look?"\\
'''Kevin (as Man)''': That way, when I hear your muffled screams, I'll be able to estimate the size of the cave-in."\\
and\\
'''Mike''': Well, they drilled right into the side of the [[{{Batman}} Batcave]], killing Alfred and Robin instantly. {{Batman}} remains in intensive care.
* (As a child) "YAY!!! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed, hairy man!!!!"
* "My ugly senses are tingling!"
* (About the dragon) "[[Film/{{Jaws}} Are we gonna get a bigger boat? We need a bigger boat]]."
* "INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING!!!" "Yeah, well, INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING BACK AT YOU!!!!!"
* This moment:
-->'''Kevin''': That's right men--vigorously defend our smelly crap-hole!\\
'''Mike (doing a damn good WinstonChurchill impression)''': We will fight to the cistern. We will fight to the garbage-strewn towers. We will fight to the dank, rat-infested basement. We will NEVER SURRENDER!!!...Probably.
* "Alright, just like we practiced men: panic and scatter. Panic and scatter!"
* Any scene where they make fun of Matthew [=McConaughey=] (there are too many to list).
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Roadhouse'']]
* The entire monologue about [[PrisonRape "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"]]. "Do you still keep in touch with them? Did you hang around and talk afterwards or was it purely sexual?"
*
--> '''Dalton:''' [[{{Narm}} Pain don't hurt.]]
--> '''Mike:''' [[LampshadeHanging I think by its very definition it does.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Room'']]
* [[BrainBleach Every sex scene is greeted with horror by any who watch them,]] but especially when Kevin sees [[FanDisservice Tommy Wiseau's pasty white rear end]].
-->'''Kevin:''' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)'' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)'' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)''
* ''[Lisa orders a pizza]''
-->'''Lisa:''' Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese.
-->'''Mike:''' Ah yes, Domino's WTF-special.
* Kevin and Bill [[SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic singing "There's a Hole in My Bucket"]], and [[SanitySlippage taking it too far]].
-->'''Mike:''' [[AnythingButThat No, NOT HAMBONE!]]
* The mention of Loverboy gives Mike an {{Earworm}} of ''Working For the Weekend''.
* The Disembaudio sequences during the movie's sex scenes. This movie manages to destroy the lives of Disembaudio and all of his friends and family.
** Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.
*** When the joke achieves BrickJoke status at the fourth sex scene, and becomes an ''obvious'' set up that Mike, Kevin and Bill know is coming, when "Nana Baudio" enters, it's just riotous.
** Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
* The running gags on the football motif, the mom's cancer everytime she is mentioned or shown, and Johnny saying "Oh hi" to everything. There's more.
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"
* After one bizarre and inexplicable piece of dialogue after another between Peter, Johnny, and Mark:
-->'''Bill:''' We have fully descended into madness, people, and it's not even at the one hour mark.
-->'''Kevin:''' I can't take it anymore!
-->'''Mike:''' Oh, you're just a little chicken, Kevin. [-CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP-]! Chicken Kevin.
* Kevin compares Tommy Wiseau's multiple production credits as producer, writer, director, and actor as a modern Creator/MNightShyamalan. Mike tells Kevin not to insult Tommy Wiseau with that comparison.
** The riff about of Lisa and her friends discussing which one of them is [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen's]] wife
* A CallBack to, of all things, ''PrinceOfSpace!'' "I like you ''VERY MUCH''!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny'']]
* Kevin's horrified screams upon seeing the weird bug things in the "Thumbelina" segment.
** Kevin then states he's certain that there's already FanFic devoted to them. Bill pipes in, "RuleThirtyFour!"
* Any time the riffers remind us that Santa is telling the Thumbelina story to the kids, and imitate what his narration for some of the strange/boring/painful parts must be like.
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as a kid)'' Wait, the lady on the loudspeaker is a ground-dwelling animal of some sort? What's going on here?!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Santa)'' Enough questions! Guy in the gorilla suit, shut that kid up, will ya?
* During the painful sequence where Santa attempts to attach a sheep to his sleigh:
-->'''Mike:''' Guys if you close your eyes during these scenes it takes on a whole new context. Give it a try!
-->'''Santa:''' COME ON! OOHHHH! OH, HARDER!
-->'''Kevin:''' (amid mutual groans of horror) Gah! You're right!
-->'''Santa:''' Well, now he is in the wrong way!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(now utterly horrified and disgusted)'' OH MY!!
-->'''Santa:''' Let's get him out again... OHH, HARDER!!
-->'''Bill:''' OH, YOU'RE A BAD MAN MIKE! I'm going to open my eyes now!
-->'''Santa:''' HARDER!! HARDER, ohhhhhh...
-->'''Kevin:''' [[BrainBleach GAH, I'M STILL SEEING IT!]]
* And the above is immediately preceded by this bit:
-->'''Santa:''' ''(as he lumbers out of the sleigh to help attach the aforementioned sheep to his sleigh)'' Let me see what we can do. ''(gets out of the sleigh revealing a hideous brown stain on the backside of his Santa costume)''
-->'''Bill:''' DEAR GOD! You can start by getting your Santa pants dry cleaned!
* During a close up of the Ice Cream Bunny:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Ice Cream Bunny)'' [[NightmareFuel HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]] [[HellIsThatNoise HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umezn9sD2cY&feature=related HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]]
** It's Bill's Phantom of Krankor laugh!
* Mike becoming increasingly fed up with Bill's RunningGag about Mr. Digger's Bronx accent. "Now let's go get some nice pastrami at the deli."
* Their riffing on the "Santa":
-->'''Mike''' ''(as "Santa" stands up to greet the Ice Cream Bunny, directly blocking out the sun to the camera)'' BOW DOWN BEFORE ME PUNY HUMANS! COWER IN FEAR AS I BLOCK OUT YOUR SUN!!!
* And as Santa seems to fall into unconsciousness after the kids leave:
-->'''Mike''' He, he's dead!? The sun killed him!
-->'''Kevin''' All hail the SUN!
* The group's reaction to the various nightmarish animals that appear:
-->'''The Frog:''' What I need is a little girl!
-->'''Kevin:''' GAH!! The WoodyAllen of frogs!
-->'''The Frog:''' That's what I need, all right! I wonder where my mother is?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(in a horrified murmer)'' Man, that is one messed up amphibian!
** Their reaction to the bug/wasp/Cthulhu like things as they hop their way across the screen:
-->'''Kevin''' ''(perfectly calm)'' Ah... well... guys, if you don't mind, I've got this one.
-->'''Mike''' Ah great, ok then.
-->'''Kevin''' ''(inhales deeply)'' AAAAAARRRGHMYGOD!!! ARRRGRGRGGTHISISTERRIBLE!!! AAAIIRRGGH!!! PLEASEGODWHATISIT!!! AAAIIIRRGGHH!!!
** And their reaction to Mrs Mole's "Mole Supremacism":
-->'''Mrs Mole:''' ''(on the subject of the aforementioned frog)'' Frogs are terrible looking. We moles think they are FILTHY creatures.
-->'''Bill:''' Unlike God's chosen race, the MOLE!
* "Well, that's it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."
* Kevin's HeroicBSOD after the entire Thumbelina story doesn't change a thing in the Santa story. "I'll pull the sleigh! I'll marry Mr. Digger! I'll do whatever you want!"
* As the Ice Cream Bunny drives the kids in his vintage fire engine to save Santa, the guys are left speechless.
-->'''Mike:'''"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150+ movies, Rifftrax has nothing to say."
-->'''Bill:''' "Just this. Enjoy."
* Their theories of what exactly they're seeing and why- ranging from a seriously bad drug trip to the studio exploding and them being in hell while Satan himself considers that forcing them to watch the film might be a little too harsh.
* Their reaction to Thumbelina's criteria for an ideal husband:
-->'''Thumbelina''' I just wish there was someone younger, or someone who was handsome, someone who was a human being like I am, ''(Bill starts giggling)'' someone who will come and take me in his arms. I would be happy to be his wife.
-->'''Bill''' Human Being. A distant, third priority for her.
* "We came through time, space, and the boundaries of fiction to see that?"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Sherlock Holmes'']]
* On the sergeant found dead at the end.
-->'''Clark:''' I'm afraid sewage workers found his body just this morning.
-->'''MJ Elliott:''' Ah, so the body was ''in-turd''.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Terminator: Salvation'']]
* As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie [[FadeToWhite fades to white]], and "Directed by [=McG=]" appears on the screen.
-->'''Kevin''': If this is the last thing I see when I die, I will assume I'm going to hell.
* Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.
* As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
--> '''Mike''' (as John): "Thanks for the ride, Harrison!"
--> '''Kevin''' (as Creator/HarrisonFord): [[AirForceOne "GET OFF MY PLANE!"]]
* As the [[HumongousMecha Harvester]] first appears:
-->'''Mike''': Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen [[Film/{{Transformers}} a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper?]]
* Any joke referencing ChristianBale's [[MemeticMutation infamous]] [[RantInducingSlight tirade]] (which came from the shooting of this movie).
** "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
** "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
** (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame ''this'' on the lighting guy." "[[AmericanPsycho Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it]]?"
* "(in a [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga Batman-like]] voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
** "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." '''[[NoIndoorVoice "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"]]'''
* When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
-->Marcus: What day is it?
-->Bill (as Reese with a Dickens street urchin voice) Why Christmas Day sir!!
* When the old woman is giving the little girl something to eat;
-->'''Mike''': What do you want, honey, Snickers? Slim Jim? Dunkaroos? You want Dunkaroos? Honey? You want Dunkaroos? *gets no response* WELL, TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU TRAUMATIZED LITTLE FREAK!
* After a man gets hit by a car and the driver proceeds to speed away;
-->'''Mike''': Bet ''that'' guy didn't invite his friends to the premiere.
* '''Kevin:''' Our heroes; [[DesignatedHero Torching a holding pen full of innocent fellow humans to destroy the robot they led there in the first place.]]
* "[[TheRoom Oh, hai prisoner transport! Haha...]]"
* "Okay, quick question... [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga WHERE]] [[ActorAllusion ARE]] [[ChewingTheScenery THEY!?!?"]]
* Mike makes a joke regarding ChristianBale's tendency to... [[ChewingTheScenery overact.]]
--> '''John Connor''': "I thought I knew our enemy... but that thing... it makes me feel like I know nothing.
--> '''Mike''' (as John): "I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME A [[SoundEffectsBleep BEEPING]] ANSWER!!!
* [[NoIndoorVoice "RAWR!!"]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Thor'']]
* The description brings up the 1985 DorkAge where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."
* When Selvig says Thor's on steroids: "Just check his balls. They're tiny!"
* Odin breaking his toe, twice.
* Mike and Kevin's outrage that Bill would say anyone is as bad as the cast of ''JerseyShore''.
* "Is there something in my mouth?"
* After a tender scene in the RV, it cuts to a fire.
--->'''Bill:''' THEN SHE BURNED HIM ALIVE AND ATE HIS FLESH!!!!
--->'''Kevin:''' Wow, what a shocking and audacious ending.
* After Loki reveals his blue skin to Odin: "Okay, okay. I knocked up [[Film/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Violet Beauregarde]]."
* The endless fun they have with the word Odinsleep.
* Thor can't lift Mjolnir: "Must I now whack moles with my bare hands?"
* LampshadeHanging how expected the ActorAllusion jokes have become: "To avoid crucifixion by ''TheWire'' fans, we're obliged to point out that this guy played Stringer Bell."
* As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by a mischievous monkey!"
* "I only have one hand! Oh right, the eye patch."
* When Loki is lying under Thor's hammer:
--> '''Mike''': My horns are stuck.
* This:
--> '''Thor:''' You can't kill an entire race!
--> '''Loki:''' Why not?
--> '''Mike:''' Ah, the rarely-used 'why not' defense of genocide.
* As Thor enters the halls of Valhalla to triumphant fanfare:
-->'''Bill''':''(As Thor) That's right! GOT A COMIC BOOK DEAL BABY!''
* Disembaudio singing along with the Foo Fighters over the credits.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Titanic'']]
* Capt. Smith as the Titanic sets off.
-->'''Kevin''': I'm going to sink this bitch!
** Also counts as a CMOF for Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000, as this line was also used when Mike and the 'Bots viewed clips of Titanic during an Oscar special.
* as Rose, Ruth, and Cal admire the Titanic
-->'''Ruth''': So this is the ship they say is unsinkable.
-->'''Cal''': It ''is'' unsinkable. God Himself could not sink this ship.
-->''[a deckhand calls for Cal]''
-->'''Deckhand''': Sir! Sir!
-->'''Bill [as Deckhand]''': Sir, the captain has asked if you would ''please'' stop foreshadowing!
-->''[later]''
-->'''Jack''': We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world, you know that?!
-->'''Bill''': Aw, man,[[JamesCameron Cameron's]] beyond foreshadowing now. He is ''five''-shadowing!
* When the camera zooms in on young!Rose's and then zooms in then out, seguing into old!Rose's eye, the cast hum soothing, romantic music, until the eye starts to change, when they go "AAARGH, OHMYGOD, GRRRRRGH URGH!"
--->'''Old Rose:''' He drew me for 70 years.
* (As the flashback starts to the ship) [[ConspicuousCG CGI! CGI! CGI]]
* '''Jack:''' Come on!
** '''Bill:''' Into Molly Brown's changing room... '''[[BrainBleach OH MY GOD!!! OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!]]'''
* At the end when the camera pans from 1997 Rose past a series of pictures of her in her cabin meant to show her life after the Titanic accident they point out how narcissistic it makes her look and have her talking about her cropping other people out of her pictures and objecting even to the presence of a horse in one.
* Whenever Rose's mother appears talking, they start humming a circus style music.
* On the scenes that sets the people in the high-class area, and the people on the basements, the three start to chatter on "business" and "gambling", respectively, and in the same manner on both scenes.
* Singing "Poker Face" to the tune of "Nearer My God to Thee."
* After saying [[RunningGag "I regret nothiiiing!"]] several times in regards to the people falling off the ship, this happens:
--> '''Kevin:''' I regret- '''OOOH!!''' Hitting the propeller! ''WOW'' that hurt!
* As a passenger falls to his death on the capsizing Titanic:
--> '''Mike:''' I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! [[DeathAsComedy 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321!]]
* [[ItWasHisSled "I have to admit, I totally saw that coming."]]
* '''Bill''': (in a snooty tone of voice) Time for a crunk party. ...Bitches.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL2uLG2oXqQ Disembaudio's rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."]] He gets a little ''too'' into it...
* "Dear diary...I saw boobs today."
* There's a RunningGag where they rag on how young LeonardoDiCaprio looks.
** '''Jack:''' I'm twelve!
*** '''Jack:''' Well, I'm actually only nine...
**** '''Angry gambler:''' You're only seven!
** '''Jack:''' Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade! I'm a BIG boy!
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..." '''Bill:''' Wait, WHEN I was a kid?!
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. '''Bill:''' After all, I'm almost twelve!
* Frequent jabs are given to Cal Hockley for his effeminate appearance.
-->'''Officer William Murdoch:''' (talking about getting in the lifeboats) Anyone else?
-->'''Cal Hockley:''' (snooty tone) Will it smudge my eyeliner? I don't want that.
* '''Kevin:''' (as people are falling down the sinking ships) IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH!
* '''Molly Brown:''' [[Main/{{Misery}} You dirty birdy!]]!
* After Rose rediscovers her old mirror
-->'''Rose:''' The reflection's changed a bit...
-->'''Mike:''' (as Rose) Back then, I was a pudgy teen. Now I'm a stone-cold fox.
* When Rose's granddaughter tries to get her to rest
-->'''Rose's granddaughter:''' Come on, Nana...
-->'''Rose:''' NO!
-->'''Mike:''' (as Rose) You just want to be the only hot chick in the room!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Troll 2'']]
* "Drew has broken free! He's trying to flee the set!"
* At the beginning of the movie:
-->'''Grampa Seth''': Goblins still exist!
-->'''Rich Kyanka''': I fought them in World War 2 just yesterday!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Warriors of the Wasteland'']]
* A CallBack, of all things, to ''{{Birdemic}}''.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(singing)'' Just hanging out, hanging out, hanging out with my enemies, having ourselves a party!
* There is also a CallBack to ''TheRoom''. When the film goes into a softcore Cinemax's style porn scene, Kevin exclaims, "Tommy Wiseau has ripped control of the film!" Naturally, Disembaudio walks in at this moment, just as he did in ''The Room'', and once again calls the trio perverts.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:''The Wicker Man'']]
* The infamous bike scene:
-->'''Edward:''' Get off the bike.
-->'''Mike''': (''as Sister Rose'') It's a girl's bike.
-->'''Edward:''' Get off the bike!
-->'''Kevin:''' (''as Sister Rose'') I said, ''it's a girl's bike.''
-->'''Edward:''' (''pulls out his gun'') Step away from the bike!
-->'''Mike:''' (''as Sister Rose'') Fine, if you want to look like an idiot on a girl's bike.
* And school girls' StrawFeminist rant.
* Pretty much every time the ridiculously masculine Sister Beech is on screen, expect to crack up like a lunatic. She's obviously their favorite thing about the movie.
** For instance, after Edward knocks her out with a single punch:
-->'''Kevin''': Well, the 'never strike a woman' rule is still intact, it being ''Sister Beech'' and all
** Late in the movie, when Mike mistakes her for ''Kevin James''.
* "When I think of getting jumped by Leelee Sobiesky, it's a little different."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'']]
* The intro includes a fantastic ShoutOut: Disembaudio challenging guest-riffer NeilPatrickHarris to a [[Series/HowIMetYourMother Slap Bet]].
* "Nintendo Sixty FOUUUU-I mean a Golden Ticket! Yippie!"
* Chemistry class:
-->'''Mike''': Neil, can I ask you to go ahead and mix together some of my special chemicals I brought into the studio today?\\
'''Neil''': Of course, Mike. [[WhatAnIdiot I see no reason whatsoever not to]] [[ViolationOfCommonSense mix together whatever chemicals I'm handed at any given time]].\\
'''Mike''': That's what I like to hear.\\
'''''[[StuffBlowingUp (BOOOOOOM!)]]'''''\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC: Mike! You've blown up stage, screen and television actor NeilPatrickHarris!]]\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo Nooooooo!]]''
* When the news reports that two of the five tickets have been found:
-->'''Reporter''': Whatever corner of the globe we're in, which ever of the five continents we're on...\\
'''Neil''': So they go nuts for Wonka Bars even in grim, socialist, dystopian societies?\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Oh? Is this set in France?]]\\
'''Mike''': Disembaudio~ ''once again'' coming out of nowhere to spank the French!
* "Mom saw a dull flicker of hope and snuffed it out right at the source. Way to go, mom."
* Math class.
-->'''Mr. Turkentine:''' Today, we're going to learn...''(draws a circle on the black board)''\\
'''Mike:''' ...how to play Hangman!\\
'''Mr. Turkentine:''' ...about percentages. ''(talks for a while -- shot of the class groaning)''\\
'''Mike:''' ''(imitating children's voice)'' ''THIS IS HISTORY CLASS!''
* "Where have I seen that deluded look of hope before--oh, yeah! A craps table at 4:00 [[AC:a.m.]]!
* When Charlie and his grandfather pine over a Wonka bar that may or may not have the Golden Ticket inside:
-->'''Mike''': Neil, I don't want to know what happens next, but just tell me this...are dreams crushed?\\
'''Neil''': ''Obliterated''. Not an atom of hope or joy anywhere to be found.
* Just before they enter:
-->'''Mike''': Joe's pointing out all the people that couldn't vote the last time he was out of bed.\\
'''Veruca Salt''': I want to go in first, before anyone else!\\
'''Mr. Salt''': Anything you say, sweetheart.\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': [[INeedAFreakingDrink I can't believe I forgot mah bloody flask]].
* In the very tiny room, just before the factory itself:
-->'''Mr. Salt''': You're a bleedin' nut, Wonka! No one can get through there!\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Sam-B would have to a~gree!\\
''('''SLAP''')''\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Ugh!\\
'''Mike''': Disembaudio! You just slapped NeilPatrickHarris!\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, I just did what we were both thinking. I keeps it real, Neil!]]\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Ouch! Yes, I get it--very real.
* When Willy Wonka sings for the first time:
-->'''Mike''': Hey, I wore ''nearly'' that identical outfit to prom.\\
''({{Beat}})''\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': ...wow.\\
'''Mike''': Now that I think about it, though, my tie wasn't nearly that subdued.
* When the kids are [[ItMakesSenseInContext licking the walls]]:
-->'''Veruca Salt''': Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?\\
'''Mike''': ''(as Wonka turns Salt's head toward him)'' Look, Salt, I swear to god, I will cut you!
* When Willy Wonka starts shouting during the Creepy Tunnel Scene from Hell:
-->'''NeilPatrickHarris''': And if you're ready Mike, may I offer you a wide-awake nightmare?\\
'''Mike''': Why...yes!\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': I don't mind if you do!
--->'''NeilPatrickHarris''': This is for all the eight-year-olds who dropped blotter acid before going to see the film.
--->'''Mike''': Salvador Dali took one look at this scene and said, "Hey, man! This is too weird even for me!"
---->'''Wonka''' (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing....which direction we are going....
---->'''Mike''': You know what would be funny -- if you were an airline pilot and get on the intercom and do this exact thing.
---->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': This is what I imagine it's like to spend time with TimBurton.
* After drinking the special soda:
-->'''Mike''': You think this is a metaphor? You know, for...[[DontExplainTheJoke getting high]]?\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': ..."metaphor"? Heck, no! I think they ''were'' high when they filmed this! And when they wrote it, filmed it, screened it, ate lunch, slept, took showers. There was more THC passing through that movie set than through the whole Burning Man festival.
* During Veruca's "[[IWantSong I Want It Now]]" song:
-->'''Mike''': Did you ever do this on the set of ''Series/HowIMetYourMother''? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands?
-->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': Yeah. Just the other day I knocked em' dead with a five minute show-tune about the kind of cold-cuts I demanded to have in my trailer. Standing-O, my friend. ''(as Veruca Salt trashes the room)'' Gosh, I didn't do this ''exactly''; during my dance break, I ran around punching crew guys and lighting small fires.
** Then Mike talks about how if he had to do a musical number he probably wouldn't be able to come up with anything too flashy.
-->'''Mike''':*Singing* I want a sandwich! A nicely prepared ham sandwich! If you could put a pickle on the side I'd really appreciate it, but don't go through any trouble.
* "A stiff thumbs-up shows the kids today you're 'down' with the 'music' and the 'scene' and the 'Pogs'."
* The confusion over which country the movie takes place in, including "Maybe it's set before the American Revolution" and "Hope he doesn't get mugged on the mean streets of Englameripoland."
* During "Pure Imagination":
--> '''Wonka:''' If you want to view paradise...
--> '''Neil Patrick Harris:''' (finishing the lyric) Simply watch another movie!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''X-Men'']]
* During the opening scene:
--> '''Mike''': Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie?\\
'''Bill''': It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it...
* On Wolverine's facial hair:
--> '''Mike''': You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all."\\
'''Bill''': I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look.
* "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start ''being their mascot''?"
* "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" [[RunningGag "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto."]] [[OverlyLongGag "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."]]
* On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
--> '''Bill''': Such a subtle name.\\
'''Mike''': Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'."
* A nice TakeThat at a certain other movie in the series:
--> '''Charles''': This is a school for gifted mutants.\\
'''Wolverine''': That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.\\
'''Mike''': Then you've never seen ''X-Men 3''.
* This hilarious bit
-->'''Magneto''': Because there is no land of tolerance. There is no peace. Not here or anywhere else. Women and children, whole families destroyed. Simply because they were born different from those in power.
-->'''Mike''': Fine, you can marry your boyfriend.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''X-Men: The Last Stand'']]
* "[[TheRoom "Oh, hai, Alcatraz! Hope Chris R doesn't escape! Hahaha..."]]
** "Oh, hai, army of mutants!"
* Every single time they mimic IanMcKellen's voice. Campiness ensues.
* This line involving EllenPage's character
** [[Film/{{Inception}} "I'm going to architecture school, so..."]]
* Magneto trying to make an "I Will Survive" music video.
* After Bobby beats Pyro
--> '''Bobby:''' You never should have left [the school]!
--> '''Kevin:''' Nobody fed your fish and it '''died!'''
[[/folder]]
----
----
[[foldercontrol]]
[[folder: ''300'']]
* When the Persian messenger arrives:
-->'''Leonidas''': What message do you bring?\\
'''Persian Messenger''': Earth and water.\\
'''Mike''': So...''mud''.\\
'''Leonidas''': You rode all the way from Persia for ''earth and water''?\\
'''Bill''': Well, I lost some of the message along the way...
* When Leonidas dispatches the Persian messenger's party, and decide to run the [[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS! SPARTA!]] gag [[OverlyLongGag straight into the ground]]:
-->'''Bill''': Well, I certainly think he proved that THIS! IS! SPARTA!\\
'''Mike''': His kids make fun of him because when he's handing out stuff on the Fourth of July he insists on saying, "THIS! IS! A SPARKLER!"\\
'''Kevin''': Or when he's giving his car a tune-up, and his kid asks, "Hey, dad? What's that small, white thing with metal at each end?" And he always replies, "THIS! IS! A SPARK PLUG!"\\
'''Bill''': ''Or...''when he sits down to a meal of juice, toast, milk, and Trix cereal--\\
'''Mike''': Uh-oh, where's he going with this?\\
'''Bill''': And he looks at his bowl of Trix and he says, "[[PunctuatedForEmphasis THIS! IS!]] [[IncrediblyLamePun 'SPART OF A BALANCED BREAKFAST]]!!!"\\
'''Kevin''': Wow!\\
'''Mike''': [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Wow, you pulled it out! Nicely done]]!
* Leonidas sitting down next to his son after a sparring session, "Hey, wanna beer, kid?"
--> '''Son''': Um, Dad, why are you [[NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent Scottish]]?
* When Leonidas meets with the Persian messenger:
-->'''Leonidas''': Submission.\\
'''Mike''': That would be [[AGoodNameForARockBand a great name for]] [[GeniusBonus a Muslim]] [[AGoodNameForARockBand rock band]].
* "Jog, men! Jog casually into battle! '''JOG!!!'''"
* (seeing the RainOfArrows) "Aw, relax; they're probably not even meant for us..."
* When the 300 are preparing to leave:
-->'''General Guy''': ...Sons to carry on their name.\\
'''Bill''': Though Johnson's son may not be the marrying type, if you know what I mean.\\
'''Mike''': He's considering [[UnusualEuphemism moving to Athens]], if you catch my drift.\\
'''Kevin''': We think he may [[DontExplainTheJoke be a homosexual]], if you can read between the lines.
* After a shot of the massive Persian fleet:
--> '''Mike (as Delios)''': And so Xerxes and Jimmy Buffett assembled the largest boat-to-boat party in history.
* "Kid, how'd you get so dirty?! You were outside for, like, five minutes!"
* "Uh, I don't like this new '[[DarkerAndEdgier extreme]]' image for ''Literature/TheGivingTree'' --it was fine the way it was."
* "''March Of The Penguins'' had less marching!!"
* Leonidas meeting Xerxes for the first time:
-->'''Kevin''': ''(as Xerxes puts his hands on Leonidas's shoulders)'' Mmmm...you're so tense...
-->'''Xerxes''': It's not the lash they fear...
-->'''Mike''': Oh, no...it's turning into one of ''these''... ''(all three start imitating porno music)''
** And later in that scene:
--->'''Leonidas''': You are as generous...as you are...\\
'''Mike''': Gay.\\
'''Leonidas''': ...divine...\\
'''Bill''': Oh, he is ''[[CampGay divine~]]''\\
'''Leonidas''': Such an offer, only a madman would refuse.\\
'''Mike''': ''([[OohMeAccentsSlipping in a bad Scottish accent]])'' And guess what? I forgot me thorazine today!
* "Muffin out your chests, men!"
** "Alright, men, ready your six-packs! And if you haven't done so already, oil up those pecs!"
* (imitating [[Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit Roger Rabbit]]) "Ahem. Attention, Spartans!"
* During one of the many battle scenes:
-->'''Delios''': We did what we were trained to do, what we were bred to do, what we were ''born'' to do.\\
'''Bill''': What we were cast, costumed, and choreographed to do.\\
'''Mike''': What we were blue-screened and digitized to do.\\
'''Bill''': What we were ''shaved'' to do.
* And in another battle:
--> '''Kevin:''' Okay, so they're really [[McNinja pre-ninja ninjas]].
--> '''Mike:''' In pre-kabuki kabuki masks.
--> '''Bill:''' And using pre-samurai [[KatanasAreJustBetter samurai swords]].
* When they start throwing bombs at the Spartans:
-->'''Delios''': ''(narrating)'' When muscle failed, they turned to their magic...
-->'''Bill''': To their Ku Klux Pimps!
* "Alright, we're finally here. The movie has finally taken us ''quite literally'' to hell."
--> '''Mike''': Ladies and gentlemen, this has been ''The Importance of Being Earnest''.
* When the evil senator essentially rapes Queen Gorgo:
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, guys, I made you some snickerdoodles--Gooooood Lord! WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?!?!]]\\
'''Bill''': No-no, no, no--
-->'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Is ''THIS'' the kind of filth you turn on when I leave the room?!?! FOR SHAME!!!]]\\
'''Kevin''': No, Disembaudio--\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:[[BigNo No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOO]]!!!]]
* "[[CrowningMusicOfAwesome Kneel before the soundtrack!! SUBMIT TO IT!!!!!]]"
** Also referring to the music: "March, gentlemen, march to the music of [[NineInchNails Nine]] [[GeniusBonus Daktylos]] [[NineInchNails Nails!]]
* The Immortals approach.
-->'''Delios''': The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia....\\
'''Kevin''': The Russian vollyball team?
* During Xerxes' rebuttal to Leonidas turning down his offer to submit to Persia's will:
-->'''Mike''': [[LargeHam HAM ALERT! HAM ALERT!!!]] ''(imitates klaxon)''
* Right before all the Spartans get killed:
-->'''Delios''': ''(narrating)'' [Leonidas's] roar is loud and long...
-->'''Mike''': His teeth are bleached and capped...
* After Leonidas throws his spear at Xerxes
-->'''Kevin''': But Xerxes is usually glad to see a spear headed into him...\\
''(The spear clips his face, making him bleed, and sticking in the back of his throne)''\\
'''Bill''': ''(as Xerxes covers his face)'' How tacky!
* The Slo-mostrians are coming!
* '''Leonidas:''' Spartans! What is your profession?!\\
'''Spartans:''' HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!\\
'''Mike:''' And I'm a flower arranger!
* "Remember, [[FamilyUnFriendlyAesop only you can prevent sickly babies from diluting the strength of our race]]! [[Film/{{Braveheart}} Freeedooom!]]"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Alien'']]
* Kevin theorizes if the music had been done by RandyNewman instead:
--> "I've got a little alien in me,
--> It's as busy as a little bee.
--> It's gonna be my dinner guest
--> When it busts out of my chest,
--> Because I've got a little alien in me."
* "Well, it seems friendly enough, I'm going to stick my face in its mouth!"
* After Ash snaps at Ripley
-->'''Kevin:''' I don't like girls touching my stuff!
-->'''Bill (whispers):''' I do.
* Kevin makes an awesome reference [[Film/{{ThePrincessBride}} to a certain movie]]
-->'''Kevin:''' I've got my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I'm swamped!
* The scene where the spaceship is leaving the Alien's planet is so long that Bill actually takes a shower while it's happening and still makes it back in time.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Avatar'']]
->'''Grace''': Who'd you expect, numb nuts?\\
'''Bill''': Thoughtful nickname for a guy [[UnfortunateImplications who is crippled from the waist down]].
* The scene where Jack tries to keep the doglike creatures away with a torch.
-->'''Mike''': This how it is going to feel like for anyone who dresses as a sexy Na'Vi at Comic-Con this year.
-->'''Kevin''': Hey, now! Don't try to talk me out of it!
-->'''Bill''': Gungan! Kill it!
-->'''Kevin''': Meesa... senet... tar...
-->'''Bill''' (whisper): Kill it more!
* During the destruction of the Home Tree
--> '''Soldier''': Yee-ha, baby! Get some!
--> '''Bill''': Did I just tell a tree to get some? Man, I need shore leave.
* '''Jack''': Look where we are, Grace.
-->'''Mike''': In a nice, clean hospital with a crack surgical team? Oh, I guess this is good too.
* '''Bill''': Come my peaceful brethren, LET'S KILL THEM ALL!
* '''Kevin:''' [[Disney/TheLittleMermaid Look at this stuff,]] [[ShoutOut Isn't it neat?]] Wish that my junk was as big as my feet. [[WatchMen Doctor Manhattan's]] got nothing on me in PANDORA!
* Mike's "Robot Knife Fight" song.
* After the final duel between Quaritch and Jake, Jake is back in his human body and struggling to grab a breath mask:
-->'''Mike:''' Yeah, it kept falling out so somebody stapled the emergency mask into the case...
* Neytiri, after she meets Jake: You are like a baby! Always making noise, don't know what to do.
-->'''Bill:''' Poopin in da Huggies, eatin da strained peas!
-->'''Kevin:''' Listening to Raffi and watchin da [[MaxAndRuby Max and Ruby!]]
* The very last joke: [[spoiler:"Morning wood!"]]
* After the failed ritual to transfer Grace into her Avatar:
-->'''Moat:''' Her wounds were too great. It was not enough time.
-->'''Kevin:''' Also our religion is bullshit.
* The 'Informer's rendition was short but hilarious.
* After Jake prays to the Great Mother for aid.
-->Neytiri: The Great Mother does not take sides.
-->Mike (as Neytiri): -she's an amoral psychopath.
* '''Kevin:''' 6-legged, anteater horses.\\
'''Mike:''' George Lucas slowly nods his silent approval.
* Probably the most involved [[RunningGag Kansas City Royals]] joke in Rifftrax history while Jake fights the six-legged dogs:
-->'''Kevin''': A desperate man in blue, confused and frail, lacking necessary skill and training, called up to the big leagues before he was ready, swinging wildly at his more powerful opponent, a single disinterested spectator idly looking on from a distance... eerily reminiscent of a Kansas City Royals game.
-->'''Bill''': Wow.
-->'''Mike''': I believe you covered three entire city blocks before you got to that one.
-->'''Kevin''': I try.
* Any reference to Quaritch's supreme BadAss-itude.
-->'''Quaritch''': Oh, yeah. "Breathing". I suppose some of you ''pussies'' need to do that...
* Speaking of the six-legged dogs: "I've heard those things play a very large part in Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2. Yeah, the series takes a bit of a dark turn."
* ''Jake''': [[TheRoom Oh hai science!]]
** On the design of the Hometree: "Ah, the spiral staircase, one of Cameron's many [[ShoutOut subtle nods]] to TheRoom.
* When Neytiri brings Jake to the Tree of Voices and tells him he can hear the ancestors of the Na'vi
-->'''Jake:''' I can hear them!
-->'''Mike:''' Even in death, your people are annoying and self-righteous.
* The Amway sketch, which takes place when Jake is being chased by a thanator.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Battlefield Earth'']]
* During the OpeningScroll:
-->'''Bill:''' Psssh. 3000. [[MythologyGag What has the year 3000 ever done for us?]]
* [[UnnaturallyBlueLighting "I used to like the color blue. Now it's dead to me]]. Cram it, [[TheSmurfs Smurfs]]. Piss off, ocean. Screw you, sky."
* During the final air battle:
--> '''Mike''': So...these jets were all fueled, and tuned up, and ready to go after A THOUSAND YEARS?!\\
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And a bunch of knuckle-dragging cave dwellers with spears took a break from picking nits off each other and eating them for a few days and taught themselves to become top-level fighter pilots?\\
'''Bill''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And that, somehow, these exact same weapons - well maintained and on alert, mind you - did '''NOT''' save the human race from the aliens one thousand years ago, when the humans who actually '''MADE''' these weapons were alive? You know, the humans that did '''NOT''' wear goat skins, and sacrifice goats, and smell like goats, and marry goats?\\
'''Kevin''': Yes, Mike.\\
'''Mike''': And is there any reason that I should not dedicate my '''LIFE''' to building a time machine, so that I can eventually travel back to the set of ''SaturdayNightFever'' and infuse the heels of [John] Travolta's disco shoes with nitro glycerin, so that he is eliminated from history and this movie '''NEVER GETS MADE?!?!'''\\
'''Bill''': Um...no, Mike. Go nuts. ''({{Beat}})''...I think you just did.
** And soon after that fight...
-->'''Mike''': [[SanitySlippage They did it! Those]] [[LordOfTheRings plucky little Hobbits destroyed The Ring!]]\\
'''Kevin''': Uh, Mike? We're not in--\\
'''Bill''': Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh...he's in a better place now.
* "You know, this movie seems kind of silly."
* Their reaction to Terl's infamous scenery chewing.
-->'''Terl:''' While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME...
-->''(the guys start cracking up)''
-->'''Terl:''' I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
-->'''Bill:''' Wow, you're really going to go with that performance huh?
* This exchange:
-->'''Kevin:''' So, our story so far: Aliens from some death metal planet conquered the Earth then enslaved mankind for a thousand years.\\
'''Bill:''' Right.\\
'''Kevin:''' Then they sent Travolta, who's going to whiz the entire planet down his leg in a few short days.\\
'''Bill:''' Right again.\\
'''Kevin:''' And ''somehow'' this movie is supposed to make us feel good about Scientology?\\
'''Mike:''' Yeah, I think in the same way [[TheBirthOfANation Birth of a Nation]] endeared us all to the Klan.\\
*
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Beowulf'']]
* The harp-playing scene in the mead hall, where the crew proceeds to interject "What If Thor Was One of Us" and "Shorty Got Low" into the song.
* During the battle with Grendel:
--->Here, we can follow along in the Old English text: ''Den punched he, nakede Beowulf, in Grendel on de noggin. Den flipped him doen {{Gymkata}} dismounten causen Grendel his assen be roasted en his bippies in der pit smoken.''\\
Wow, that is an extremely faithful telling.\\
Oh, you're bettin' your meatballs.
* (upon Beowulf stabbing his way out of the eye of the Kraken/Loch Ness Monster/what have you and yelling his name as a war cry:)
--> '''Mike:''' Guys, If I ever burst out of the eye of a giant sea creature, I promise I'll have something better to yell than "MIIIIIIIIIIIKE!"
* (during a massively long zoom-out from the camera):
--> '''Mike:''' We interrupt our movie briefly to give you a ride on a skilift.
* Anything and everything pertaining to JohnMalkovich. Example:
--> '''Mike:''' ''(upon seeing Malkovich)'' GAH! A creepy, hollow-eyed John Malkovich!...[[TakeThat In other words, John Malkovich.]]
** And later, after Grendel has attacked, something rises from the water:
---> '''Kevin:''' GAH! A hideous sea creature!\\
'''Mike:''' No no no no, it's just John Malkovich.\\
'''Kevin and Bill:''' [[ItGotWorse GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!]]
* In regards to Beowulf's burning pyre boat...thing:
--> '''Mike:''' To quote one Mr. KevinCostner on [[WaterWorld a similar occasion,]] let's see if I can remember this correctly...''(clears throat, says the following line without an ounce of emotion)'' [[DullSurprise My boat.]]
* At the burial of some fellow soldiers:
--> '''Beowulf:''' They were great warriors.\\
'''Kevin:''' No, they were ''Geat'' warriors.\\
'''Wiglaf:''' They died a foul death.\\
'''Beowulf:''' They were murdered by a foul creature from the depths of Hell.\\
'''Bill:''' Right, [[Film/BackToTheFuture Crispin]] [[TakeThat Glover.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Birdemic: Shock and Terror'']]
* The guys start noticing a similar similarity between ''Birdemic'' and [[TheRoom a certain other film]].
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Tommy Wiseau)'' Oh, hi, poorly made cult film directed by an immigrant with a funny accent that's trying to horn in on my business!
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Tommy Wiseau)'' [[SimonAndGarfunkel Oh, hello darkness my old friend.]] Hahahaha!
* The spontaneous, ahem, "[[SpecialEffectsFailure forest fire]]":
-->'''Kevin:''' Help, it's a strangely localized forest fire!
-->'''Bill:''' With small pinpoint blazes that are not spreading in the least! Help!
-->'''Mike:''' And which are handily contained to tiny patches off the road itself making safe passage quite easy! Help!
-->''(later'')
-->'''Kevin:''' It's not a forest fire. It's a bunch of Buddhist monk chipmunks doing a simultaneous self-immolation to protest!
-->'''Bill:''' To protest global warming?
-->'''Kevin:''' No, ''this movie''!
* Kevin: "Sadly, the only [[AnInconvenientTruth inconvenient truth]] was in Rod's ''pants''."
* Bill's ClusterFBomb during the credits at the cast, filled with [[ThisTropeIsBleep censor bleeps]], followed by Mike when Kevin brings up spruce bark beetles.
* During an exceptionally bad bit of SpecialEffectFailure.
-->'''Mike:''' We're going to make this look good in post(-production) right?
-->'''Bill:''' The hell is post? Keep flailing!
* After an eagle manages to divebomb a filling station.
-->'''Mike (as [[TheMuppetShow Sam the Eagle]]):''' Death to weirdos!
-->'''Kevin (as another eagle):''' Sam! '''''[[BigNo Noooooooooo!]]'''''
* The guys have fun with the BlindIdiotTranslation script:
-->'''Rod:''' Watch football. Especially the 49ers. Also, part-times Eagles fan.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hang on. I said "part-times Eagles fan."
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[LeaveTheCameraRunning Keep rolling]]!
** Then:
--->'''Rod:''' You're right, he is cute. So, you're a cats lover.
--->'''Bill:''' ''(as Rod)'' Hold on. I said "cats lover".
--->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' Keep rolling!
* In one particularly bad example of Nyugen refusing to ''ever'' do a second take:
-->'''Nathalie's Mom:''' Look, keep me... ''(stumbles badly on the dialog)'' uh, er, eh, you... know, keep me informed!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' Look, I screwed up the line.
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' [[BrickJoke Keep rolling!]]
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Mom)'' But it was really bad!
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Nyugen)'' '''KEEP ROLLING!'''
* One word: "Slrpnls." Nobody knows just what a [[http://youtu.be/aVYUPmjJ9bU slrpnl]] is.
-->'''Executive''': "Is there a patent?"
-->'''Rod''': "Yes; Mass Solar owns the patent to this technology."
-->'''Kevin''': "And, what are you calling them again?"
-->'''Mike''': "Slrpnls."
-->'''Kevin''': "I'm...not...?"
-->'''Mike''': "Slrpnls!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Perhaps if you slowed down?"
-->'''Mike''': "Sldwnslrpnls?"
* The crew repeatedly exclaiming "SHOCK! And TERROR!" at slow scenes in the movie (which is often)
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Bourne Identity'']]
* After Jason has knocked out two policemen
-->'''Bill''': Guess I'll have to arrest myself. All right, drop my weapon! I have a right to remain--hey, come back here, me! STOP ME!
* "I hope there's a can on this floor. I've got more gas than the Homer Simpson balloon."
* "Well, apparently I'm a Euro-dick who's too good to answer my own door!"
* When Castel jumps out of the apartment window
--> '''Bill''': AHA, I've ESCAPED! ...Oh, that was dumb!
* "Eamon's starting to breathe on the windows and write dirty words."
* "Dude, you shot my ween! That's just not cool!"
** "I was LYING about my ween, for you see, I do not have one!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Casablanca'']]
* Right off the bat:
-->'''Narrator:''' "With the coming of the second world war..."
-->'''Bill:''' "Switzerland...did nothing."
* '''Rick:''' "Not a bad story..."
-->'''Kevin:''' "But it could use a sparkly vampire."
* During Rick's famous introductory scene:
-->'''Bill:''' "Ah, a classic film character is about to be introduce!"
-->'''Kevin:''' "Jar Jar Binks?"
-->'''Bill:''' "Go to so much Hell it's not even funny!"
-> (Rick appears, smoking a cigarette)
-->'''Mike:''' "Hey, don't Bogart that cigarette."
-->'''Bill:''' "Mike, go join Kevin in Hell!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Casino Royale'']]
* "Welcome back to the finals of Olympic Open Field Tag. Daniel Craig is currently 'It,' but may not be for long."
* The random yet hilarious reaction to seeing Daniel Craig's face in the opening credits.
-->'''Mike''': A GUINEA FOWL! Oh wait, [[TakeThat it's just Daniel Craig]].
** "Oh, I get it now. This guy is the missing Mario Brother." "Either that or he's the original Prince of Persia."
** '''BOND SMASH!'''
** '''ENGLISH GUY!'''
*** "The English Guy doesn't so much leap as he ''plummet''."
* "Spies have been reduced to stealing ringtones for [[{{Ruritania}} Eastern Bloc countries]]. A clean [[Music/SchnappiDasKleineKrokodil Schnappi]] can bring as much as $3 on the black market."
** After Bond steals a bad guy's backpack and starts rifling through it:
-->'''Kevin''': ''(as Bond)'' Ha! Now I get his toaster strudel!
* "Finally, he's got some time for ''SecondLife''--he can get back to being a foxy blue-skinned woman with green hair."
* "I'm Rube Cardsuck, this is Patsy [=McMoneygone=], and Mr. E. Z. Mark."
* "So these are the people behind-the-scenes at the airport making sure your flight is delayed, your luggage is lost, and that the restaurants are always closed when you're hungry."
* When the "World's Largest Airliner" is unveiled:
-->'''Mike''': And of course, this is the day the President is scheduled to go up in the all-new space shuttle--\\
'''Kevin''': With all the other leaders of the free world--\\
'''Mike''': Of course. And 300 orphaned children from Kosovo--\\
'''Kevin''': And Oprah Winfrey!\\
'''Mike''': Sure, throw in Oprah Winfrey!
* Mike and Kevin's bantering impressions of air traffic controllers.
* Kevin singing the ''Film/JamesBond'' theme and segueing into the ''Franchise/IndianaJones'' theme as Bond punches out an evil truck driver during the airport chase scene.
* (As Bond looks at his tuxedo'd self in a mirror) "Yeah! My God, I'm hot! This tuxedo would look best on the floor! ...Seriously, though, [[ScrewYourself I'd do me]] in a heartbeat."
* Mike and Kevin's impressions of a guy who doesn't understand poker and a frustrated croupier, respectively:
--> '''Mike''': "Hit me!
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, you can't do that!"
-->'''Mike''': "Double down!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, that's Blackjack!"
-->'''Mike''': "Bicycle!"
-->'''Kevin''': "Sir, now you're just reading the back of the cards!"
* "Mr. Bond, I have a message for you from a Mr. Le Chiffre. It reads, 'Mr. Bond, your missing ten million dollars has been found, quote: "somewhere in my huge pile of money" and you can pick it up at "my butt." Burn, burn, ROFTLMAO, pwned, love, Le Chiffre.' You know, I really should look these things over before I read them over the intercom."
* ...''This'':
-->'''Vesper (whispering)''': You can have me ''anywhere''.\\
'''Mike (as Bond, rather gleefully)''': Really, like on a bakery counter? Or onstage at a political rally?
* "It's been six minutes and we haven't done it--I wonder if he's impotent..."
* "The people of Venice know about ''land'', right? And how it makes an excellent foundation for buildings?"
* During the [[spoiler:climactic scene where Vesper drowns]]:
--> '''Mike''': * whistles "[[{{Titanic}} My Heart Will Go On]]"* \\
'''Kevin''': If you break out into an ode to Celine Dion, I will give you [[ColdBloodedTorture the Le Chiffre]] [[GroinAttack treatment]] with your own microphone.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Clash of the Titans'']]
* This scene near the beginning
-->'''Spyros''': Something is not right.
-->'''Bill''': Yeah, your family has three different accents.
* ANCIENT MALIBU!
* "Up is pretty!"
* '''Bill''': (Of Perseus's tunic) That little girl's dress was longer than his!
-->'''Hades''': Argos will be swept from the earth, and all of you with it.
-->'''Mike (as Hades)''': Don't leave town or anything, that would be cheating.
* If you know Greek mythology, this bit is hysterical.
-->'''Zeus''': He's no different than any of the others that have turned their backs on us.
-->'''Kevin (as Zeus)''': How many rapes does a guy have to commit before he gets some respect?
* When Perseus is denying that Zeus is his father
-->'''Perseus''': My father was killed by a god.
-->'''Mike''': The god of falling asleep drunk on railroad tracks.
* '''Kevin''': And to Zeus, "NOOOO!" means "YEEESSS!"
* '''Bill''': (when the Kraken takes literally several minutes to fully surface) STILL surfacing? Try to get all the way out before the birth of Christ, okay?
* [[TheRoom Oh hai Hades!!]]
* When Perseus finds the sword:
-->'''Mike:''' Sweet, free glowy thing.
* When Jason and the Argonauts are getting ready to leave
-->'''Man''': Good news!
-->'''Bill''': [[{{Futurama}} Professor Farnsworth?]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Cloverfield'']]
* Our first introduction to the monster:
--> '''Mike:''' [[DevelopingDoomedCharacters You're about an hour late, monster]].\\
'''Kevin:''' We're only 18 minutes in, Mike.\\
'''Mike:''' I stand by my statement.
* When the citizens take pictures of the fallen head of the Statue of Liberty:
-->'''Kevin''': Ms. Liberty! Over here, Ms Liberty!
-->'''Mike''': Ms. Liberty, is it true you're parting with Mickey Rourke?
* "Then again, the upside to destroying New York...no more David Blaine."
** "Wow, you're right! Destroy away, monster! Look for a smug guy with a deck of cards."
* While the protagonists are running to the subway station:
-->'''Mike''': Oh, zoinks! Let's get out of here, [[ScoobyDoo Scooby!]]
* As the protagonists venture into a wrecked building to find their friend:
-->'''Mike''': The Kool-Aid man did this. I'd recognize his work anywhere.
-->'''Bill''' (as Kool-Aid man): OH YEEAAAH!!
* "My name is Robert Hawkins..."
-->* In unison* "[[FightClub His name is Robert Hawkins]]!"
* The camera is focused on a set of [=TVs=] in a radio store, with one of them playing an episode of WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants
-->'''Bill''': Ladies and gentlemen, this just in: Sandy Cheeks is dead!
* A panicky Beth calls Rob
-->'''Beth''': Rob? Rob!
-->'''Kevin (as Beth)''': Rob, I'm at the after party and I don't know anybody here!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Curse of Bigfoot'']]
* When a 70's, shaggy-haired, small-mustachioed, clueless logger comes on camera:
-->'''Bill''': He looks like a police sketch of himself.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Daredevil'']]
* "I would seek justice, one way or another. I would become {{Batman}}! Until some rich idiot in Gotham city sued me for naming rights..."
* [[{{Squick}} "I'm gonna get so, so naked, and then I'm gonna sit my fat bubbly ass right on Affleck's head!]]"
* All of the jokes pertaining to Ben Affleck being Matt Damon's best friend.
* Whenever Kevin tries to shoehorn in any "Daredevil" jokes.
** "What the '''hell''' are you doing? Get it?"
* "Being blind, physics no longer apply to me!"
* After Bullseye gets both of his hands shot;
-->'''Mike''': (in phony Irish accent) They got me drinking hand ''and'' me drinking hand!
* After Kingpin reveals that he is from the Bronx
-->'''Mike''': (mimicking MichaelClarkeDuncan's gravely voice) Don't be fooled by the rocks I got, I'm still Michael from the block.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Day After Tomorrow'']]
* There's a hilarious callback to one of the most... interesting shorts they've done.
** "Drugs are like THAT, too."
* Bill frequently jokes about how the vice president in the movie is an Expy of Dick Cheney, giving him fitting names.
** "Vice President Nick Blaney!"
* Bill doing a New Yorker impersonation.
** Which comes off as somewhat surreal, since Bill himself is from New York City, so he's giving a NYC accent ''when he already speaks in one naturally''.
* When Sam is calling his parents and his LoveInterest, Laura, is trying to get him to hang up because the room is flooding
-->'''Laura''': Sam!
-->'''Bill (as Laura)''': Will you call my boyfriend for me?
* "[[HarryPotter Harry, Hermione, Ron!]]..... black kid!
* Kevin's [[IncrediblyLamePun boat puns.]]
* Bill pointing out how unnecessary the burning books is
* "Oh, yes, plenty of books to burn on those OAK TABLES."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Drag Me To Hell'']]
* "Stop playing Wii Voodoo and help my son!"
* This hilarious scene occurs during the credits, after
-->'''Bill''': Tommy Wiseau!
-->'''Mike''' (In Wiseau's accent): [[TheRoom Oh hai hell! Hahaha...]]
** There's another TheRoom reference as Christine and Clay are in the fortune teller's office.
*** "Clay, you always play psychologist with us! Hahahah..."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Eragon'']]
* "Ga-gal-ba-tor-ix? Really? Even George Lucas can think of better names than that!"
* "E-ragon. The online Ragon merchant that you can trust!"
* In the beginning, when Ayra is magically transporting Saphira's egg.
--> '''Kevin''': Melon?
--> ''The egg vanishes in a burst of light''
--> '''Kevin''': Magic melon!
* The Riffers constantly pointing out how Eragon's family members are never introduced properly.
--> '''Roran''': Hail Eragon, the mighty hunter!
--> '''Mike''': Hail sweaty guy who kinda looks like me.
** ''Later''
--> '''Kevin''': So, why does he feel the need to keep this from his wrestling parter and Hat Guy. You know, the one with the hat?
--> '''Mike''': Well, clearly because that's a blue thing. It's ''blue''.
--> '''Kevin''': Ahh, right, of course.
** Culminating in:
--> ''As Roran leaves the farm''
--> '''Mike''': Goodbye, brother-cousin-friend-fellow-farmhand.
* "Ah JeremyIrons. The guy you call when you think, 'How can I make my movie a lot ''creepier?'''"
* The Riffers giving [[RidiculouslyCuteCritter baby Saphira]] the voice of an alcoholic.
* Mike lets Disembaudio take over for the credits.
* Over a shot of a medieval village
-->'''Kevin''': HUZZAH! Welcome one and all, to the Renaissance Festival!
-->'''Mike''': [[InsufferableGenius Carolingian or Byzantine Renaissance?]]
-->'''Kevin''': I don't know, HUZZAH!
* After the third [[FakeOutFadeOut fake ending]]:
--> '''Mike''': Come on, throw one more random image at us- we can take it!
* Kevin singing "The Hills are Alive" during a sweeping shot of SceneryPorn.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Fast and Furious 2009'']]
* Right off the bat, the's reaction to the "Original Film" card
-->'''Mike:''' "Original Film", a division of "Bitterly Ironic Studio Names, Inc."
-->'''Kevin:''' Yes, ''Original'' Film presents the third sequel in under a decade to a movie that ripped off its plot from ''PointBreak''!
* During the opening scene, the mini-semi flips around and starts driving backwards.
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh, it's Cameron's dad's car from ''[[Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff Ferris Bueller]]'', they have to run the miles off before they return it.
* After Dom catches a bullet in his back and barely even flinches
-->'''Kevin:''' Haha! Now you see that [[PrinceOfSpace your bullets are useless against him!]]
* "Offer him coupons! Drug lords ''love'' coupons!"
* O'Connor gets the name "David Park" out of a low-ranking gang member. One of his fed buddies complains that he could throw a fortune cookie out the window and hit a dozen David Parks. When another agent informs him that "Park" is a Korean name rather than a Chinese one...
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as agent)'' Fine, I'll throw a ''barbecued dog'' out the window, ya happy?
* The running gag of Dom thinking 46 is the biggest number there is. One such instance late in the movie:
-->'''Dom:''' You can't buy your way out of this one.
-->'''Mike:''' ''(as Dom)'' Unless you have ''46 dollars''.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Fifth Element'']]
* As the Diva sings:
-->'''Mike:''' The very moment he saw her, [[{{Smurfs}} Papa Smurf]] called Lawsuit Smurf, and they sued ''the living shit'' out of her.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Future Force'']]
* Mike and Kevin's DudeNotFunny reaction to Bill's David Carradine joke.
-->'''Bill:''' David Carradine? [[IncrediblyLamePun How did they]] ''[[IncrediblyLamePun rope]]'' [[IncrediblyLamePun him into this film?]]
-->''(Both Kevin and Mike react in horror.)''
-->'''Bill:''' What? What?
-->'''Mike:''' Oh, oh... just... TooSoon...
-->'''Kevin:''' Okay, ''now'' you're good.
-->'''Bill:''' Great! Great! Because I have a ''closet'' full of jokes!... ''({{beat}})'' Maybe it ''was'' too soon.
-->'''Mike:''' Yeah.
* Early in the movie Bill has a lot of fun with the fact that Tucker is an agent of "C.O.P.S.", the Civilian-Operated Police System. He's gonna have to file a R.E.P.O.R.T. and drive home in his C.A.R., but he's excited for his upcoming T.H.R.E.E.W.E.E.K.V.A.C.A.T.I.O.N. He explains all of those acronyms, none of them making any sense.
** The opening scene introduces the audience to the "C.O.P.S." concept -- but calls the organization "Civilian Operated Police ''Incorporated''", leading to a RunningGag of referring to them as "C.O.P.I."
* When the film's fascination with showing Tucker drive places has gotten out of hand
-->'''Mike:'''Driving scenes: the cinematic equivalent of sawdust.
-->'''Kevin:''' Driving scenes: without them your crappy movie would be like 20 minutes long.
-->'''Mike:''' That sounds ''great'', actually.
-->'''Bill:''' Yeah! I hate you, driving scenes!
* As a big muscular guy scrawls something on a chalkboard
-->'''Mike:''' Just have to write down how much I hate [[RevengeOfTheNerds NEEEEEEEEEERDS!]]
* On that note, as the camera pans across the C.O.P.S. office, showing Tucker's co-workers to be gun-toting bodybuilders, Bill compares the scene to a Rifftrax staff meeting.
* WANTED: PETER SPRING
-->'''Kevin:''' Ironically, David Carradine owned a number of peter springs.
-->'''Mike:''' What is a pe-Nevermind.
* The BigBad and his [[TheDragon Dragon]] use heavy machinery to murder a lackey in the dead of night. It's ''extremely'' loud and takes a good long while.
-->'''Bill:''' (''as thug'', yelling over the noise) I'M GLAD YOU DECIDED TO GO WITH AN INCONSPICUOUS MURDER PLOT, BOSS!
* When said Dragon is hacking into computer files to frame a troublesome reporter
-->'''Mike:''' So, you hire a big muscley psychopath thug to do your dirty work...
-->'''Kevin:''' I ''do''.
-->'''Mike:''' Then when you need someone whacked, he walks four feet over to a computer and types in a few things.
* The movie ''really'' fails to deliver an atmosphere that suggests the future in any way, and in fact looks appreciably older than its 1989 vintage. This does not go unnoticed at all. For instance, during a chase scene where Tucker is trying to shake a helicopter
-->'''Mike:''' I'm sorry, this chase is just ''too'' futuristic. They're asking us to accept too much.
* And later
-->'''Bill:''' Okay, there can't be that much movie left, so when the Hell are they gonna go through the time portal that takes them to the ''future?''
-->'''Kevin:''' Well, what about this junkyard full of 70s cars and guy loading an antique pistol ''doesn't'' say "future" to you?
* "The [[SinisterMinister evil priest's]] henchman has a pegleg, sure." Said very matter-of-factly to highlight how ridiculous it is.
* "Call me an animal again and I'll shed my winter coat and eat my young!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Future Zone'']]
* The crew get a lot of mileage on pondering how ''Future Force'' merited a sequel at all.
* Despite Bill's line about a time portal in the riff of ''Future Force'', the fact that ''Future Zone'' actually ''does'' involve a time portal doesn't go over well with the guys due to the ridiculously flimsy way it's introduced.
* Carradine's real wife says in the film, "[[FunnyAneurysmMoment He had his kinky moments.]]" This does not go unnoticed by the crew.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Ghost House'']]
* The guys take a few cracks at the horrid motif/ calling card given to the ghost, but the most awesome one is when Kevin turns it into a full on drinking song. It ends:
-->'''Kevin''': ''To the Ghost House!''
-->'''Chorus of voices''': ''To the Ghost House!''
-->'''Bill:''' GAH! Kevin, how'd you do that?
-->'''Kevin:''' It's the ghosts, Bill. They can't get enough of that stuff.
* He's Jim Dalen. He's staying here on vacation with a camper in the yard. His brother and his girlfriend are here too, as is his sister Tina. And his intro will out live him.
* Nick Nolte is apparently hiding out in the Ghost House.
* When Jim Dalen, who's here on vacation with a camper in the yard along with his brother and his girlfriend (oh, and his sister Tina) asks the little girl haunting the place and her clown doll what they want:
-->'''Girl''': Chicken finger Happy Meal.
-->'''Clown''': Same.
-->'''Jim Dalen''': For God's sake, somebody help me!
-->'''Girl''': You want my fries?
-->'''Clown''': You know it!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Halloween'']]
* The entire scene in the beginning where Michael Myers is wandering around the house and Kevin and Mike are playacting as John Carpenter and his wife "Debbie."
* All of the jabs involving how Jamie Lee Curtis's character's friends all seem to dislike her.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''TheHappening'']]
* ''[movie opens up with a cloudy sky]''
-->'''Kevin''' [[TheSimpsons The Haaaappeniiiiing....]]
-->'''Bill:''' Die die die die d-death death death d-diediediedie!
* ''[A construction worker has fallen to his death]''
-->'''Worker:''' David?
-->'''Mike:''' David Blaine? Are we rid of you at last?
* At the construction site
-->'''Kevin''': It's raining men, hallelujah!
* This ActorAllusion:
-->'''John Leguizamo''': Wanna come to my mother's for dinner?
-->'''Bill''': We're having [[WesternAnimation/IceAge ground sloth]]!
* During the lion attack
-->'''Kevin''': [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail Tis but a scratch!]]
* Mark Wahlberg's character notices a [[spoiler: soon revealed to be plastic]] plant...
--> '''Mike''': ''(as plant)'' Put a piece of glass in your eyyyyye...C'mon. Why aren't you killing yourself? Oh, God, I'm terrible at this!
* One of Rifftrax's many memorable song covers:
--> '''Kevin Murphy''': (singing) The Summer Wind/Came blowing in/So I killed myself/It lingered there/So I took a hatpin from my hair/And plunged it into my jugular vein... Take it Mike!
--> '''Mike Nelson''': (singing) I sliced my wrists/with some broken glass/And then I blew my head off too/Then I disemboweled myself/And hung myself with my own intestines thanks to the Summer Wind.
--> '''Bill Corbett''': Very nice you guys, maybe a touch dark.
--> '''Kevin Murphy''': Really? Which part?
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''High School Musical'']]
* The boys singing over the creepy sibling's audition song. Including [[RandyNewman Short People]], the theme to TheFactsOfLife, [[ShaniaTwain Man! I Feel Like a Woman]], [[TheClash London Calling]], Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, and [[DavidBowie Suffragette City]].
--> "Stop singing about [[BrotherSisterIncest "having"]] [[UnfortunateImplications each other!]]"
* Kevin deciding that "Get Cha Head In the Game" means "If you want Head, you should get it In The Game."
* Kelsi trips:
--> '''Kevin:''' MY QUIRKINESS!
* A boy does some ballet:
--> '''Kevin:''' [[Film/{{Fame}} SHAME!]] I wanna look like a douche bag!
--> *CRASH!*
--> '''Mike:''' And he was beaten by the AvenueQ puppets.
* Troy's reaction after Gabrielle volunteers to audition, complete with wheezing.
* ''Stick To The Status Quo''
-->'''Kevin:''' The Disney Channel. High schooler's repressed secrets are "I like rap" instead of "Dissecting a fetal pig gave me a boner".
-->'''Bill:''' The most kick-ass cello solo that doesn't involve the phrase "Yo-Yo Ma's drunk again."
** Later, after the song.
--->'''Chad:''' Oh let's see, um you miss free period workout yesterday to audition for some heinous musical, and now suddenly people are confessing. Yeah Zeke, Zeke is baking. Crème brûlée.
--->'''Troy:''' Oh. What's that?
--->'''Zeke:''' Oh, it's a creamy custard-like filling with a caramelized surface, it's really satisfying.
--->'''Troy:''' Yeah, cool.
--->'''Chad:''' Shut up, Zeke!
--->'''Bill:''' Zeke would blind him with his pastry torch the very next day.
* During Chad's first appearance.
-->'''Chad to Troy:''' Because in two weeks we're going to the championships. With you leading us [[WesternAnimation/ToyStory to infinity and beyond]].
-->'''Bill:''' And Disney finally sues Disney.
* "Help!" - A message from the film's editor. Poor bastard never had a chance.
* "If Troy can tell his secret, then I can tell mine. I bake... every night, while watching Creator/AdultSwim"
* [[Franchise/JurassicPark "Gah! A velociraptor!"]]
* Kevin's addition to Gabriella's song:
-->'''Gabriella:''' ''Why did I let myself believe/Miracles could happen?''
-->'''Kevin:''' ''And miracles, speaking of those/[[Music/InsaneClownPosse How do magnets function?]]''
* There's a RunningGag where they frequently joke about how Ms. Darbus is actually a man.
* This scene between Gabriella and Taylor
-->'''Gabriella:''' What do you know about Troy Bolton?
-->'''Mike (as Taylor):''' That blonde chick with the big eyebrows?
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Highlander'']]
* The crew making fun of how the main character's accent sounds like [[TheRoom Tommy Wiseau's.]]
-->'''Kevin:''' Oh [[IncrediblyLamePun hai-lander!]]
* Once again making fun of Connor MacLeod's accent.
-->'''Officer:''' Where you from?
-->'''Connor:''' Lots of different places.
-->'''Kevin:''' But mostly Switzer-France!
* After Ramírez tells Connor he can't have children.
-->'''Ramírez:''' (about Heather, Connor's wife) You must leave her, brother.
-->'''Bill:''' I'm not banging her brother, I'm banging ''her!''
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Hunger Games'']]
* The numerous references to how much this film resembles {{Twilight}}.
-->'''Kevin (as Katniss):''' Just meeting Edward Cullen, here.
-->'''Bill:''' No, no, wrong young adult-lit phenom.
* As the crowd from the Districts assembles for the Reaping:
-->'''Kevin:''' The grave look of people going to a Nickelback concert.
* As Rue lays dying:
-->'''Rue:''' Can you sing?
-->'''Mike:''' (as Katniss) "Shot through the heart/and you're to blame..."
-->'''Kevin:''' Bad choice.
* After Primrose is reaped;
-->'''Mike:''' (as Primrose) Screw it, I'll see all you Sarahs Plain and Tall in hell.
* The Stinger after Haymitch Abernathy's "Embrace" speech:
-->'''Haymitch:''' Embrace the probability of your eminent death, and know, in your heart, that there's nothing I can do to save you.
-->'''Kevin:''' That's how the hostess greets you at Denny's.
* During the ceremony, once all the tributes are in the circle:
-->'''Mike:''' So, now the Sorting Hat makes out with the Goblet of Fire, right?
* After the ceremony, backstage:
-->'''Bill:''' So can we take off the "X-Men join the Ice-Capades" outfits yet? Or...?
* When Katniss is introduced to the cheering crowd:
-->'''Mike:''' Your death better be entertaining!
* When Effie Trinket is picking the male tribute:
-->'''Effie:''' And now... for the boys.
-->'''Kevin:''' Come on, girl, that's your cue to shake what your mama gave ya!
* All of the jokes pertaining to "Peeta" being a mispronunciation of "Peter."
* The scene in the training room with the one tribute hanging from the rafters:
-->'''Mike:''' Gah! [[LOLCats Ceiling Cat]] has assumed human form!
* "Now excuse me, I need to get back to my shift in a [[Main/{{Anime}} freaky Japanese cartoon.]]"
* The return of the [[{{Twilight}} Volturi's]] [[RockyHorrorPictureShow "Frankenfurtur moans,"]] applied here to the council.
* While Katniss is trudging through the forest:
-->'''[[{{Irony}} Kevin]] (singing):''' ''I believe the children are our future...''
* As Katniss' group is ganged-up on by another group of other tributes in the clearing:
-->'''Bill:''' I assume the blonde ringleader is a Malfoy of some sort?
* After Katniss points out the improbability of her winning to Gale:
-->'''Katniss:''' There's 24 of us, Gale, only one comes out.
-->'''Kevin:''' That's what I scream every time I get on a bus.
* On President Snow, first seen sitting down in a balcony:
-->'''Kevin:''' Well there's Waldorf, where's Statler?
* When Katniss shoots the bag of apples, causing them to tumble out:
-->'''Kevin(as an apple):''' Freedom!
-->'''Mike (as an apple):''' I'm gonna compare myself to an orange!
-->'''Bill (as an apple):''' I'm gonna stuff a pig in MY mouth!
* As she cuts off the tracker jacker-nest:
-->'''Mike:''' Well gentlemen, I suppose we better...
-->'''Kevin:''' Yep, nothing for it...
-->'''Bill:''' Agreed guys, okay, on three, one, two, three...
-->'''All three:''' [[TheWickerMan NOT THE BEES!!!!!!!]]
* This moment with Effie Trinket (of which there are many):
-->'''Effie:''' Manners!
-->'''Bill:''' Says the woman dressed like Zombie Drag Queen Willy Wonka.
** When we're first introduced to her:
--->'''Mike:''' Albino {{Prince}}, ladies and gentlemen.
* As they're in the train, coming up on the Capitol, in a nice throwback to the StarWars riffs:
-->'''Kevin:''' It looks like the city where Anakin Skywalker denounced sand!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Inception'']]
* The entirety of Bill Corbett's rant about Lost.
* As Cobb toasts Fischer Sr:
-->'''Cobb''': To your father.
-->'''Mike''': And may nobody break up his empire. *exaggerated cough*
* There's a RunningGag with the crew making Titanic jokes
-->'''Arthur''':(about Mal) What's she doing here?
-->'''Kevin (as Cobb)''': ROSE!?'
* There's another running joke where the crew picks on Ellen Page's character Ariadne by mimicking her way of speaking in Juno.
** "Honest to blog?"
** "I hope my teen pregnancy won't be an issue, yo yo yiggidy yo!
* There's an awesome ShoutOut to a [[TheRoom certain infamous movie]] when Fischer puts a gun to his head within the second dream.
** "Everyone betray me!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Iron Man'']]
* "[[TheBigLebowski The Dude]], [[HeyItsThatGuy International CEO.]]"
* When Tony is chatting up the journalist and looking very skeevy:
-->'''Mike''': Glasses from the "I Own A Dirty Bookshop" collection.\\
'''Bill''': Beard and mustache from the "Guy Who Makes Lewd Comments About His Own Nieces" collection of beards and mustaches.\\
'''Kevin''': Slicked-back hair from the "Brother-In-Law Who Threw Up At Your Daughter's First Communion Party" line of slicked-back hair.
* Kevin mistaking "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies for a Keanu Reeves monologue, and continuing the song in his own words when Tony turns off the radio.
--> "THERE'S BUGLES ALL OVER THE FLOOR!"
* When Tony shows his weapons to the troops:
-->'''Tony''': I PREFER the weapon you only HAVE to fire ONCE!\\
'''Kevin''': I SAY things with emphasis ON words THAT may not HAVE gotten them NORMALLY!
* [[DisproportionateRetribution "And this is just for an overdue book from the Kandahar library."]]
* ''[while Tony is building his reactor]''
-->'''Yinsen:''' What is that?
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Tony Stark)'' It's called a "cram it four eyes."
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Yinsen)'' Oh really, I thought tha- HEY!
* When Tony Stark is wandering through the desert after escaping:
-->'''Kevin''': Guys...I'm having...''{{Ishtar}}'' flashbacks...''(starts gasping for breath)''\\
'''Mike''': No! We're losing Kevin! Bill, give him [[CrowningMusicOfAwesome 20cc of]] ''LawrenceOfArabia'' soundtrack, stat!\\
'''Bill''': Uh, roger! ''(starts humming ''LawrenceOfArabia'' music)''\\
''(Kevin calms down)''\\
'''Mike''': Oh, good...he's coming out of it, good. Kevin?\\
'''Kevin''': I-is that PeterOToole?\\
'''Mike''': Yes, Kevin, you trooper! Yes, it ''is'' PeterOToole!\\
'''Bill''': [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial It is definitely not]] WarrenBeatty or DustinHoffman!\\
''(A helicopter flies over Tony Stark from out of nowhere.)''\\
'''Mike''': [[OhCrap Oh no!]]\\
'''Kevin''': ''(gasping again)'' ''{{Ishtar}}''...can't breathe...\\
'''Bill''': Sorry! ''(starts humming ''LawrenceOfArabia'' music again)''
* "Summer 2009: [[AC:Robert Downey, Jr. IS John Henry]]!!!"
* "Doctor's got a Ph. D. in ''killing you''."
* "Xana''dude'': L. A. home of [[Film/CitizenKane Charles Foster Kane]] III."
* When Tony first attacks the terrorists in the cave with the original suit:
-->'''Kevin''': The new and improved [[Film/TheWizardOfOz Tin Man]]!\\
'''Bill''': Oil can replaced by [[BadAss can of Whoop-Ass]].\\
'''Mike''': Seth Rogen--assassin.
* This little bit when Stark returns to the Middle East village:
-->'''Bill (as Iron Man)''': Give me a reason not to smite thee!\\
'''Kevin''': I'm being held captive here against my will!\\
'''Bill''': Can't hear you, smiting.
* Or this when we meet the, aptly named, main villain.
-->'''Announcer''': Howard Stark's lifelong friend and ally, Obadiah Stane\\
'''All''': Obadiah Stane?!\\
'''Bill''': Did they consider naming him "Menacing T. Badperson"?
* At the start of Tony's press conference.
-->'''Stane''': ''[over a microphone, audible pause]'' Aaahh...\\
'''Kevin''': That's a moose! Okay now ''you'' do an animal.
* Any joke about Robert Downey, Jr.'s [[strike:past]] everlasting drug problems.
** '''Mike:''' HEROIN! I mean HELP!
** '''Kevin:''' I WANT COCAINE! I mean GET ME OUT OF HERE!
** '''Bill:''' VALIUM! I mean OH MY GOD!
* "I brought you some steak and some spinach; [[IncrediblyLamePun your diet needs more iron, man!]] (laughs weakly).
* KeanuReeves monologue. Nuff said.
* Turning Pepper into TheDitz. "Which one is Spider-Man?"
* Bill's "Ow!" as the mask slams shut over Tony's face.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Jaws'']]
* When the title shows up
--> '''Mike''' Finally, the ESPN biopic on Ron Jaworski that I've been clamoring for!
* Kevin's opera note as wrong!shark's mouth is pulled open.
* As the town meets over the recent shark attacks, and Quint scrapes the chalkboard with his nails
--> '''Bill''' ''(as Quint)'' Attention. I dropped a rolo and i can't find it. so if you find a rolo, its MINE
* As the Trio are about to set off to hunt the shark, and Brody is kissing his wife
-->'''Quint''' Break it up, will ya chief!! Daylight's wastin'!!
-->'''Kevin''' ''(as Quint)'' AND YA PROMISED YOU'D SAVE YOUR TENDEREST KISSES FOR ME! YOU BIG GAY YA!
* As the shark pulls Quint under:
-->'''Bill''':Quint? You okay man?
* The shark bursts through the wall:
-->"Oh Yeah!"
* "Thirty-eight colorful and barely coherent Quint stories later..."
* "Day Two; or, as it would come to be known: The day Quint ate Hooper."
* Hooper: "I should get out of the shark business and chase my real dream of winning the World's Worst Head-Hair, Facial-Hair Combo Award!"
** Quint (in the cab of the boat): "I'll bet that Hooper kid is anglin' fer my World's Worst Head-Hair, Facial-Hair Combo Award. Be damned if I'm givin' up the throne!"
* The shark pulls away the harpoon Brody was using to stab at it;
-->"I only wanted it because you wouldn't let me have it."
* After the shark is blown up;
-->'''Brody''':Can't wait to rub this in Widow Kintner's face when I show up to collect that award!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Jurassic Park'']]
* When the Brachiosaur is first seen:
-->'''Weird Al''': "The utter majesty... Imagine how much dog food you could make with just one!"
* As the Jeep drives to the Visitor Center:
-->'''Weird Al''': Is that a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': No.\\
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': No!\\
'''Weird Al''': Is ''that'' a dinosaur?\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo NO!]]''\\
'''Weird Al''': This park sucks....
* "Time to run amok! [[{{Godzilla}} Where are the Japanese?!]]
* "I'm a sadistic bastard!"
* "Aah! A human!"
* Our heroes are blocked by a fence that may or may not be electrified:
-->'''Weird Al''': Timmy; you have a high tolerance for pain...
* "BOY! OR! GIRL!?"
* After Dr. Grant and the kids first escape from the T-Rex.
--> '''Alex''': He left us! HE LEFT US!\\
'''Grant''': But that's not what ''I'm'' going to do.\\
'''Mike''': I have darker plans for you!
* [[WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes "Shhhhhh, be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting waptors"]]
* *thunder crashes* "'''PLAY''' '''''[[{{God}} ME]]''''' '''WILL YOU?!'''"
* When we first meet Hammond:
-->'''John Hammond''': I can tell instantly about people - it's a gift.
-->'''Mike Nelson''': I go mainly by skin colour!
* Nedry giggles happily as Dodgson gives him a bag full of money:
-->'''Weird Al''': Poor sap thinks the bag is full of bacon.
* Two park workers are shown, both wearing pink shirts:
-->'''Park worker one''': So, as I was saying, Bob, I BOUGHT my pink shirt first!
-->'''Park worker two''': Yeah, yeah, but I WORE mine first, Travis!
-->'''Park worker one''': OOH, if this fence wasn't here!
* The scene that takes place right after the Brachiosaurus sneezes over Lex.
-->'''Timmy''': God bless you!
-->'''Brachiosaurus''': I wish, every time we get up and running, God strikes us down with a meteor!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Last Airbender'']]
* Just after Sokka pops up, we get this gem:
--> "Insta-Douchebag!"
* '''Iroh:''' When you wake we'll have tea together before we start the engines, eh?\\
'''Bill:''' [[TheRoom Let's go get something to eat, HUUUUUUH?]]
** Another Room reference occurs soon after the first;
-->'''Aang''': YOU'RE LYING!
-->'''Bill''': (in Tommy Wiseau's accent) I never hit you! You are tearing me apart... I don't know, Harpo?
* '''Kevin''': (As Pakku, fending off the Fire Nation with [[SpecialEffectsFailure some less than impressive waterbending]]) Behold the awesome power of my grand-niece's Super Soaker!
* '''Mike:''' ''[as Katara]'' Just F.Y.I., that big flying panda thing of yours... he drowned.\\
'''Bill:''' ''[as Aang sobbing]''\\
'''Mike:''' And your flying monkey cat.\\
'''Bill:''' Yes?\\
'''Mike:''' He lived.\\
'''Bill:''' ''[sobs harder]'' Oh dammit! Dammit!
* ''[A soldier walks up and whispers to Zhao, played by Aasif Mandvi]''
--> '''Mike:''' ''[as soldier]'' Sir, I just checked. The whole [[TheDailyShow Daily Show]] crew is making fun of you, even John Oliver.\\
'''Kevin:''' ''[as Mandvi]'' Wha- Oliver?! But he was in the freakin' [[TheLoveGuru Love Guru]]!\\
'''Mike:''' Love Guru has more than double our [[RottenTomatoes tomato meter ranking]], sir.\\
'''Kevin:''' DAMMIT!
* ''[When Zuko talks to the boy in the Fire Nation colony]''
-->'''Zuko:''' You seem like a smart boy.
-->'''Bill:''' I LIKE TURTLES!
-->'''Kevin:''' Okay, maybe not...
* '''Aang''': We were forced under the water of the ocean.\\
'''Bill''': The water of the ocean, much like the air of the sky or the flame of the fire.
* And of course, the obligatory [[HeyItsThatGuy Harpo]] joke
--> '''Mike''': Wait, that's... I'm ashamed to know this, but that's the Harpo guy from Literature/{{Twilight}} isn't he?
--> '''Kevin''': I'm ashamed to confirm, but yes.
--> '''Mike''': Our shame is great.
--> '''Kevin''': Perdurable shame.
* ''[An old Earth Kingdom man leads Aang to a shed.]''
-->'''Old Man:''' These are all tools related to bending.
-->'''Kevin:''' Well Harpo's a tool and he's related to a bender.
-->'''Bill:''' Lock him in the shed!
* As the boy narrates Zuko's {{Backstory}}
-->'''Boy:''' Fire Lord Ozai burned his son, to teach him a lesson.
-->'''Mike:''' The lesson: [[DisproportionateRetribution Never put the pizza box in the fridge if there's only one slice left.]]
* As Admiral Zhao confronts the Blue Spirit:
-->'''Zhao:''' Who are you? Why are you doing this?
-->'''Bill:''' (As Zhao) I mean, I know you're a cosplay character from some lame {{Anime}} series, but I can't place you.
* As Zhao briefs Ozai on the Avatar's rescue:
-->'''Ozai:''' [[LargeHam And you think. My son is this... person they are calling THE Blue Spirit?]]
-->'''Mike:''' (As Zhao) I don't know where you got that from, my liege. Mostly they call him "The Masked Homo".
* [Zuko in the Southern Water tribe]
-->'''Zuko''': BRING ME ALL YOUR ELDERLY!
-->'''Mike''': I NEED THEIR PREPERATION H FOR MY FACE OWIES!
* '''Zuko''': Don't even try to escape, THIS IS A WARSHIP!- ''[Aang flips over a table]''
-->'''Bill (As Zuko)''': Ah, in hindsight maybe we should have tried something stronger than saying "Don't even try to escape" at least handcuffs! Something!
-->'''Mike (As Iroh)''': Hey, don't beat yourself up, you said "Don't even try to escape". Who knew he would try to escape despite your saying that? It's not your fault.
-->'''Bill''':Hmm, thanks man, that really helps.
* "Hello, plot? Motivation? Audience Interest?"
* As Zhao is describing his plans to the king...
-->'''Zhao''': With this information, we can bring down the water tribe city.
-->(''Ozai's actor looks toward the camera'')
-->'''Kevin (as Zhao):''' King? King, YO! I'm over here king!
* [[MemeticMutation PEBBLE DANCE]]
--->'''Kevin''': Let us never speak of what just happened again.
* A bunch of fire nation soldiers running away
-->'''Mike''': Those guys aren't running from Aang, they just got accused of eyeing some lady's [[TheHappening lemon drink]] back there.
** Several Scenes Later.
-->'''Kevin''': Oh no, it's the wind from TheHappening.
-->'''Mike''': What? Ma'am, no, not the wind.
* Aang practicing waterbending
--->'''Mike''': Oh great water god Matthew [=McConaughey=], grant that I may remain forever shirtless.
--->'''Bill (in southern accent)''': Well, alright....
* Yue doing her thing.
--->'''Bill''': Almost as dramatic as the time the earth princess sacrificed her life for the dead ficus tree.
* Oh,sure his light up tattoo looks fancy, but it's just there to remind him where his nose is.
* The whole [[RunningGag practice area sequence]]
* Also, airline safety dance.
* Introducing Zhao: TheDailyShow's Senior Taking-a-Role-for-the-Paycheck Correspondent. And also:
-->'''Zhao:'''[spotting Zuko's ship] The banished Prince. Let's offer him lunch.
-->'''Mike:''' Which one of you two can yell the loudest?
* Run! M. Night's making his cameo back there!
* '''Kevin''' [as Zuko]: I have no time to think about girls when I'm obsessing over a 12-year-old boy. Wait. ThatCameOutWrong.
* As Zhao dies a watery death:
---> '''Bill''': [[ActorAllusion Back...to you]][[TheDailyShow ..Jon...ugh.]]
* "Hey, Mr. Avatar, you're causing all the toilets in town to back up."
* Any time Aang is referred to as [[StarWars a Jawa.]]
* Iroh's first appearance:
--> '''Kevin:''' Hey, man, like, what have you done with [[CheechAndChong Cheech, man?]]
* Iroh tests Aang's Avatar abilities by pouring water on the table:
--> '''Bill:''' When the blind serve drinks.
* Zhao sees Zuko again:
--> '''Zhao:''' I killed you!
--> '''Mike:''' ''(as Zuko)'' [[PreAssKickingOneLiner I got better.]]
* After knocking Katara out:
--> '''Zuko:''' I'm not allowed to go without him.
--> '''Kevin:''' ''(as Katara, said perkily)'' That's nice; I'm unconscious!
* One of the title cards:
--> '''Mike:''' You know, I tried reading the Water book; I found it [[IncrediblyLamePun a little dry.]]
* "So do you think they mean 'bender' the way British people use it?" "Google it, folks!"
* Kevin vocalizing Aang's DullSurprise while entering the Northern Water Tribe.
* When a Firebender looks up at the wave caused by Aang, turns around and points to it - "Frag One!"
* After Zhao removes his cape and nervously puts it down - "I'll take off more. Don't think I won't take off more!"
* During Katara's opening seen, showing her waterbending.
--> "Ultimately BP resorted to witchcraft to clean up the Gulf."
* As Aang fights off a horde of Fire Nation soldiers in a stone dais thing:
-->'''Bill:''' (thoughtfully) You know, that looks like a lot of effort. He should just get a gun.
* When Zhao is about to kill the moon spirit and asks Iroh why the gods insist on giving themselves such vulnerable physical forms:
-->'''Iroh''': To teach man kindness and humility.
--> *Close up of the sack holding the soon-to-be-dead moon spirit*
-->'''Kevin''': Workin' out great.
* As all the soldiers/citizens stop to watch the tidal wave rising up over the city during the climactic final battle:
-->'''Mike:''' You know, if it were me, I'd try and resist the urge to look up in wonder and just go around stabbing the other guys until they caught on to me.
* Kevin singing ''Macarena'' as Aang is doing martial arts (sorta).
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Manos: The Hands Of Fate'']]
* At the very beginning:
-->'''Kevin:''' This looks familiar... oh yeah it's footage from my vacation to Hell.
-->'''Bill:''' That's El Paso.
-->'''Kevin:''' Like I said, ''Hell''.
** Many TakeThat riffs aimed at Texas ensue.
* On another scene of The Master showing his robe.
-->'''Mike:''' You know, if you removed four of the fingers of each of the hands on his robe there, [[FlippingTheBird you'd have my opinion of this movie.]]
-->'''Bill:''' [[CompletelyMissingThePoint Two thumbs up?!]]
-->'''Mike:''' [[SureLetsGoWithThat Um... yeah.]]
* At one point, The Master's dog stares directly into the camera.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Demon Dog)'' [[CrossesTheLineTwice I miss Michael Vick.]]
-->''(During the Live Show, the audience loudly groaned, evoking a "What? WHAT?" from Kevin.)''
* Peppy, the family's little dark-haired poodle, is found dead. Response?
-->'''Mike:''' Well, I guess it's true: [[BlackGuyDiesFirst The black character always dies first]].
* The nighttime scene of the two teens making out gets depicted as "white trash" version of ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''. At the Live Show, the Crew took a bow to thunderous applause after the riff.
* When Debbie is revealed as one of The Master's future "wives", naturally the Rifftrax crew reacted in horror, but subverted by Kevin admitting it wasn't nearly as creepy as ''ToddlersAndTiaras''.
* The AwkwardSilence and [[HeldGaze Meaningful Looks]] were allowed to play without riffing (which was only accompanied by the natural unscripted chuckle by one or more of the riffers), to great comedic effect.
* The end of the "Peeping Torgo" scene, after the expected jokes regarding Torgo's pervy peeping, when Margaret turns to see the window empty and Torgo-less.
-->'''Bill:''' [[ADateWithRosiePalms FAP FAP FAP FAP!!!]]
-->''(Mike groans in disgust.)''
-->'''Kevin:''' [[DudeNotFunny Okay, that's just not funny!]]
-->''(During the Live Show, the riffing was delayed due to shrieking laughter from the crowd.)''
* When the Master starts beating the First Wife and tearing her clothes off.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as wife)'' Go ahead, lightly slap me and spread jelly on my cheek! And take my... toilet paper ration or whatever that was!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Memento'']]
* The RunningGag involving Burt's the motel manager's missing pet raccoon.
* "SHIRTS! SHIRTS! THEY'RE COMING TO GET ME!"
* ''(At the end of the film)'' "Hi, I'm Mike Nelson, and welcome to Rifftrax..."
* "''[[Film/{{Memento}} MEMENTO]]'': '''[[MundaneMadeAwesome HOT, BACKING UP ACTION, PULLING CAREFULLY FORWARD LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN!]]'''"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Nestor The Long-Eared Christmas Donkey'']]
* When Nestor returns home as Roger Miller sings:
-->'''Mike (as Nestor)''': ''"Guy that beat me and killed my mother, you're my best friend of all!"''
* Mike and Disembaudio arguing over the appropriateness of Mike using the word "ass" to describe the donkey narrator.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Neutron the Atomic Superman Vs. the Death Robots'']]
* The introduction of our, ahem, hero.
-->'''TV announcer:''' This is the mysterious agent, [[MaskedLuchador Neutron]].
-->'''Mike:''' AKA [[HomestarRunner Strong Bad]].
*
-->'''Mike:''' We return to AMC's ''[[BreakingBad Breaking]] [[GratuitousSpanish AY DIOS MIO!]]''
* While Neutron and Dr. Caronte wrestle in his lab.
-->'''Bill:''' Hey, hey, Neutron. Do you ever feel we resolve our conflict this way not because we choose to, but instead due to some cultural expectation put upon us because of the way we're dressed? [[BecomingTheMask Like, do we wear these masks or do these masks wear us?]] Y'know?
-->'''Mike:''' I hear what you're saying, and, friend, while I do respect your analytical perspective, it's impossible to ignore the underlying issues of '''PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH!'''
** Kevin then ponders why [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim no one is using the gun that was brought into the lab]].
--->'''Mike:''' This fight choreographed by two eight year olds mashing the "A" button over and over again.
* When Dr. Caronte attempts a lame WeCanRuleTogether ploy on Neutron:
-->'''Kevin:''' Hm, not working. Why not try a "We're NotSoDifferent, you and I"?
** (Of course, Caronte then invokes TakingYouWithMe. ''Neutron'' is embarrassingly TropeOverdosed.)
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Paranormal Activity'']]
* The riffers making fun of, among other things about Micah, his name:
-->'''Micah:''' Show yourself!
-->'''Mike:''' When guys named "Micah" try to act tough, we '''''all''''' lose.
-->'''Kevin:''' Parents, more evidence that naming your child "Micah" never ends well.
-->'''Mike:''' By the way, guys, just wanted to correct a little error I've let go for too long: my name is ''spelled'' M-I-K-E, but it's pronounced "Meek".
-->'''Bill:''' Yeah, don't trash-talk the phantoms when your name is "Micah"; it's not gonna work.
*
-->''(Doorbell rings)''
-->'''Bill:''' Demon~! I'll just leave 'im on the porch, okay?
-->''(Katie answers the door)''
-->'''Bill:''' ''(growly, demonic voice)'' ''''"COME WITH ME TO HELL!!!"'''
* (Pretending to read with the planchette on Ouija board):''' T-H-I-S-M-O-V-I-E-B-L-O-W-S'''
* '''Micah:''' You got a problem?
-->'''Kevin:''' [[VanillaIce Yo, I'll solve it...]]
* The riffers' reaction to the ridiculously small areas where Micah puts powder on the ground to pick up the demon's footprints:
--> "And, provided the thing can't jump or take an average sized stride, we WILL catch it!"
* The talk the riffers have about a Hollywood adaptation of Goodnight Moon, in which they believe Shia Leboeuf is destined for the role as the bowl of mush.
* '''Mike:''' So let me introduce you to someone who IS familiar with demons; his name is Creator/MichaelBay.
* '''Micah:''' Hey, we haven't had anything interesting happen in a while!
-->'''Bill:''' Wow, he's doing our job for us.
-->'''Mike:''' This might be our first self-riffing movie!
* '''Mike (as Micah):''' Here, let me sing you a lullaby: '''''[[SympathyForTheDevil PLEASE ALLOW ME]] [[Music/TheRollingStones TO INTRODUCE MYSELF]], [[ManOfWealthAndTaste I'M A MAN]]...'''''
* And this:
--->'''Micah:'''[Demons] stalk people for years, like, decades. Sometimes they're really intelligent in the way they do things.
--->'''Bill:''' So intelligent that they could put your keys on the ground or even move a door.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Reign of Fire'']]
* * singing* "I fell in to a burnin' ''Reign of Fire''!/ [=McConaughey=] peeled off his shirt/ and the flames got higher!"
* When a man and a boy explore a cave:
-->'''Man (to Boy)''': Why don't you go inside and have a wee look?"\\
'''Kevin (as Man)''': That way, when I hear your muffled screams, I'll be able to estimate the size of the cave-in."\\
and\\
'''Mike''': Well, they drilled right into the side of the [[{{Batman}} Batcave]], killing Alfred and Robin instantly. {{Batman}} remains in intensive care.
* (As a child) "YAY!!! I get to sleep in the same room with a depressed, hairy man!!!!"
* "My ugly senses are tingling!"
* (About the dragon) "[[Film/{{Jaws}} Are we gonna get a bigger boat? We need a bigger boat]]."
* "INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING!!!" "Yeah, well, INCOMPREHENSIBLE PANICKED YELLING BACK AT YOU!!!!!"
* This moment:
-->'''Kevin''': That's right men--vigorously defend our smelly crap-hole!\\
'''Mike (doing a damn good WinstonChurchill impression)''': We will fight to the cistern. We will fight to the garbage-strewn towers. We will fight to the dank, rat-infested basement. We will NEVER SURRENDER!!!...Probably.
* "Alright, just like we practiced men: panic and scatter. Panic and scatter!"
* Any scene where they make fun of Matthew [=McConaughey=] (there are too many to list).
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Roadhouse'']]
* The entire monologue about [[PrisonRape "I used to fuck guys like you in prison!"]]. "Do you still keep in touch with them? Did you hang around and talk afterwards or was it purely sexual?"
*
--> '''Dalton:''' [[{{Narm}} Pain don't hurt.]]
--> '''Mike:''' [[LampshadeHanging I think by its very definition it does.]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''The Room'']]
* [[BrainBleach Every sex scene is greeted with horror by any who watch them,]] but especially when Kevin sees [[FanDisservice Tommy Wiseau's pasty white rear end]].
-->'''Kevin:''' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)'' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)'' DISCONNECT! ''(electric shock)''
* ''[Lisa orders a pizza]''
-->'''Lisa:''' Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese.
-->'''Mike:''' Ah yes, Domino's WTF-special.
* Kevin and Bill [[SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic singing "There's a Hole in My Bucket"]], and [[SanitySlippage taking it too far]].
-->'''Mike:''' [[AnythingButThat No, NOT HAMBONE!]]
* The mention of Loverboy gives Mike an {{Earworm}} of ''Working For the Weekend''.
* The Disembaudio sequences during the movie's sex scenes. This movie manages to destroy the lives of Disembaudio and all of his friends and family.
** Though with the exception of Dis's Grandmother and G-Dimes, and we guess Walter, they were all pretty horrible people and kinda deserved it.
*** When the joke achieves BrickJoke status at the fourth sex scene, and becomes an ''obvious'' set up that Mike, Kevin and Bill know is coming, when "Nana Baudio" enters, it's just riotous.
** Disembaudio's rant about his addiction to horse tranquilizers and the fact that he's committed several murders recently will probably bring tears to your eyes.
* The running gags on the football motif, the mom's cancer everytime she is mentioned or shown, and Johnny saying "Oh hi" to everything. There's more.
** "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Movie Theater!" [[RunningGag "Oh hi, Sidewalk!" "Oh hi, Newspaper!" "Oh hi, Entrance!"]] [[OverlyLongGag "Oh hi, Michelle!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Denny!" "Oh hi, Underwear Story!" "Oh hi, Answering Machine!" "Oh hi, Mark, again!" "Oh hi, Doggie!" "Oh hi, Lisa!" "Oh hi, Building!" "Oh hi, Embarcadero!" "Oh hi, Darkness!" "Oh hi, Gun Barrel!" "Oh hi, Mark!" "Oh hi, Mark! Hi, Denny! Hi, Lisa!]] [[spoiler: I'm dead, you know...]]"
* After one bizarre and inexplicable piece of dialogue after another between Peter, Johnny, and Mark:
-->'''Bill:''' We have fully descended into madness, people, and it's not even at the one hour mark.
-->'''Kevin:''' I can't take it anymore!
-->'''Mike:''' Oh, you're just a little chicken, Kevin. [-CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP-]! Chicken Kevin.
* Kevin compares Tommy Wiseau's multiple production credits as producer, writer, director, and actor as a modern Creator/MNightShyamalan. Mike tells Kevin not to insult Tommy Wiseau with that comparison.
** The riff about of Lisa and her friends discussing which one of them is [[Literature/{{Twilight}} Edward Cullen's]] wife
* A CallBack to, of all things, ''PrinceOfSpace!'' "I like you ''VERY MUCH''!"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Santa And The Ice Cream Bunny'']]
* Kevin's horrified screams upon seeing the weird bug things in the "Thumbelina" segment.
** Kevin then states he's certain that there's already FanFic devoted to them. Bill pipes in, "RuleThirtyFour!"
* Any time the riffers remind us that Santa is telling the Thumbelina story to the kids, and imitate what his narration for some of the strange/boring/painful parts must be like.
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as a kid)'' Wait, the lady on the loudspeaker is a ground-dwelling animal of some sort? What's going on here?!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(as Santa)'' Enough questions! Guy in the gorilla suit, shut that kid up, will ya?
* During the painful sequence where Santa attempts to attach a sheep to his sleigh:
-->'''Mike:''' Guys if you close your eyes during these scenes it takes on a whole new context. Give it a try!
-->'''Santa:''' COME ON! OOHHHH! OH, HARDER!
-->'''Kevin:''' (amid mutual groans of horror) Gah! You're right!
-->'''Santa:''' Well, now he is in the wrong way!
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(now utterly horrified and disgusted)'' OH MY!!
-->'''Santa:''' Let's get him out again... OHH, HARDER!!
-->'''Bill:''' OH, YOU'RE A BAD MAN MIKE! I'm going to open my eyes now!
-->'''Santa:''' HARDER!! HARDER, ohhhhhh...
-->'''Kevin:''' [[BrainBleach GAH, I'M STILL SEEING IT!]]
* And the above is immediately preceded by this bit:
-->'''Santa:''' ''(as he lumbers out of the sleigh to help attach the aforementioned sheep to his sleigh)'' Let me see what we can do. ''(gets out of the sleigh revealing a hideous brown stain on the backside of his Santa costume)''
-->'''Bill:''' DEAR GOD! You can start by getting your Santa pants dry cleaned!
* During a close up of the Ice Cream Bunny:
-->'''Bill:''' ''(as Ice Cream Bunny)'' [[NightmareFuel HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]] [[HellIsThatNoise HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]] [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Umezn9sD2cY&feature=related HRRRRR HRRRRR HRRRRR!]]
** It's Bill's Phantom of Krankor laugh!
* Mike becoming increasingly fed up with Bill's RunningGag about Mr. Digger's Bronx accent. "Now let's go get some nice pastrami at the deli."
* Their riffing on the "Santa":
-->'''Mike''' ''(as "Santa" stands up to greet the Ice Cream Bunny, directly blocking out the sun to the camera)'' BOW DOWN BEFORE ME PUNY HUMANS! COWER IN FEAR AS I BLOCK OUT YOUR SUN!!!
* And as Santa seems to fall into unconsciousness after the kids leave:
-->'''Mike''' He, he's dead!? The sun killed him!
-->'''Kevin''' All hail the SUN!
* The group's reaction to the various nightmarish animals that appear:
-->'''The Frog:''' What I need is a little girl!
-->'''Kevin:''' GAH!! The WoodyAllen of frogs!
-->'''The Frog:''' That's what I need, all right! I wonder where my mother is?
-->'''Mike:''' ''(in a horrified murmer)'' Man, that is one messed up amphibian!
** Their reaction to the bug/wasp/Cthulhu like things as they hop their way across the screen:
-->'''Kevin''' ''(perfectly calm)'' Ah... well... guys, if you don't mind, I've got this one.
-->'''Mike''' Ah great, ok then.
-->'''Kevin''' ''(inhales deeply)'' AAAAAARRRGHMYGOD!!! ARRRGRGRGGTHISISTERRIBLE!!! AAAIIRRGGH!!! PLEASEGODWHATISIT!!! AAAIIIRRGGHH!!!
** And their reaction to Mrs Mole's "Mole Supremacism":
-->'''Mrs Mole:''' ''(on the subject of the aforementioned frog)'' Frogs are terrible looking. We moles think they are FILTHY creatures.
-->'''Bill:''' Unlike God's chosen race, the MOLE!
* "Well, that's it. I officially have no idea what we're looking at, why we're here, or even who I am anymore."
* Kevin's HeroicBSOD after the entire Thumbelina story doesn't change a thing in the Santa story. "I'll pull the sleigh! I'll marry Mr. Digger! I'll do whatever you want!"
* As the Ice Cream Bunny drives the kids in his vintage fire engine to save Santa, the guys are left speechless.
-->'''Mike:'''"Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 150+ movies, Rifftrax has nothing to say."
-->'''Bill:''' "Just this. Enjoy."
* Their theories of what exactly they're seeing and why- ranging from a seriously bad drug trip to the studio exploding and them being in hell while Satan himself considers that forcing them to watch the film might be a little too harsh.
* Their reaction to Thumbelina's criteria for an ideal husband:
-->'''Thumbelina''' I just wish there was someone younger, or someone who was handsome, someone who was a human being like I am, ''(Bill starts giggling)'' someone who will come and take me in his arms. I would be happy to be his wife.
-->'''Bill''' Human Being. A distant, third priority for her.
* "We came through time, space, and the boundaries of fiction to see that?"
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Sherlock Holmes'']]
* On the sergeant found dead at the end.
-->'''Clark:''' I'm afraid sewage workers found his body just this morning.
-->'''MJ Elliott:''' Ah, so the body was ''in-turd''.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Terminator: Salvation'']]
* As Marcus dies in the end of the prologue, the movie [[FadeToWhite fades to white]], and "Directed by [=McG=]" appears on the screen.
-->'''Kevin''': If this is the last thing I see when I die, I will assume I'm going to hell.
* Any jokes pertaining to Marcus and his having been in ''Film/{{Avatar}}''.
* As John Connor steps onto the landing site:
--> '''Mike''' (as John): "Thanks for the ride, Harrison!"
--> '''Kevin''' (as Creator/HarrisonFord): [[AirForceOne "GET OFF MY PLANE!"]]
* As the [[HumongousMecha Harvester]] first appears:
-->'''Mike''': Hey, I think I'm in the wrong movie. You guys seen [[Film/{{Transformers}} a douchy, stammering kid running around with a stripper?]]
* Any joke referencing ChristianBale's [[MemeticMutation infamous]] [[RantInducingSlight tirade]] (which came from the shooting of this movie).
** "Don't mention the lights in front of Mr. Bale! Oh, who gave him explosives?!"
** "Hurry--get out of Christian Bale's light!"
** (As John Connor is stranded on a crashed and sinking helicopter) "He's wondering how he can blame ''this'' on the lighting guy." "[[AmericanPsycho Oh, good for you, you broke my helicopter - and how was it]]?"
* "(in a [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga Batman-like]] voice) They know what you are, even if you don't!" "ROAR!"
** "WHAT ARE YOU!?" "I don't know." '''[[NoIndoorVoice "ALRIGHT, I WAS JUST CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL!"]]'''
* When Marcus encounters Kyle Reese (looking much like a street urchin)
-->Marcus: What day is it?
-->Bill (as Reese with a Dickens street urchin voice) Why Christmas Day sir!!
* When the old woman is giving the little girl something to eat;
-->'''Mike''': What do you want, honey, Snickers? Slim Jim? Dunkaroos? You want Dunkaroos? Honey? You want Dunkaroos? *gets no response* WELL, TO HELL WITH YOU, YOU TRAUMATIZED LITTLE FREAK!
* After a man gets hit by a car and the driver proceeds to speed away;
-->'''Mike''': Bet ''that'' guy didn't invite his friends to the premiere.
* '''Kevin:''' Our heroes; [[DesignatedHero Torching a holding pen full of innocent fellow humans to destroy the robot they led there in the first place.]]
* "[[TheRoom Oh, hai prisoner transport! Haha...]]"
* "Okay, quick question... [[Film/TheDarkKnightSaga WHERE]] [[ActorAllusion ARE]] [[ChewingTheScenery THEY!?!?"]]
* Mike makes a joke regarding ChristianBale's tendency to... [[ChewingTheScenery overact.]]
--> '''John Connor''': "I thought I knew our enemy... but that thing... it makes me feel like I know nothing.
--> '''Mike''' (as John): "I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE ME A [[SoundEffectsBleep BEEPING]] ANSWER!!!
* [[NoIndoorVoice "RAWR!!"]]
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Thor'']]
* The description brings up the 1985 DorkAge where Thor was turned into a frog and led a frog army, concluding with "This actually happened and you should look it up right now."
* When Selvig says Thor's on steroids: "Just check his balls. They're tiny!"
* Odin breaking his toe, twice.
* Mike and Kevin's outrage that Bill would say anyone is as bad as the cast of ''JerseyShore''.
* "Is there something in my mouth?"
* After a tender scene in the RV, it cuts to a fire.
--->'''Bill:''' THEN SHE BURNED HIM ALIVE AND ATE HIS FLESH!!!!
--->'''Kevin:''' Wow, what a shocking and audacious ending.
* After Loki reveals his blue skin to Odin: "Okay, okay. I knocked up [[Film/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Violet Beauregarde]]."
* The endless fun they have with the word Odinsleep.
* Thor can't lift Mjolnir: "Must I now whack moles with my bare hands?"
* LampshadeHanging how expected the ActorAllusion jokes have become: "To avoid crucifixion by ''TheWire'' fans, we're obliged to point out that this guy played Stringer Bell."
* As Mjolnir is thrown to Earth: "Oh, please be found by a mischievous monkey!"
* "I only have one hand! Oh right, the eye patch."
* When Loki is lying under Thor's hammer:
--> '''Mike''': My horns are stuck.
* This:
--> '''Thor:''' You can't kill an entire race!
--> '''Loki:''' Why not?
--> '''Mike:''' Ah, the rarely-used 'why not' defense of genocide.
* As Thor enters the halls of Valhalla to triumphant fanfare:
-->'''Bill''':''(As Thor) That's right! GOT A COMIC BOOK DEAL BABY!''
* Disembaudio singing along with the Foo Fighters over the credits.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Titanic'']]
* Capt. Smith as the Titanic sets off.
-->'''Kevin''': I'm going to sink this bitch!
** Also counts as a CMOF for Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000, as this line was also used when Mike and the 'Bots viewed clips of Titanic during an Oscar special.
* as Rose, Ruth, and Cal admire the Titanic
-->'''Ruth''': So this is the ship they say is unsinkable.
-->'''Cal''': It ''is'' unsinkable. God Himself could not sink this ship.
-->''[a deckhand calls for Cal]''
-->'''Deckhand''': Sir! Sir!
-->'''Bill [as Deckhand]''': Sir, the captain has asked if you would ''please'' stop foreshadowing!
-->''[later]''
-->'''Jack''': We're the luckiest sons of bitches in the world, you know that?!
-->'''Bill''': Aw, man,[[JamesCameron Cameron's]] beyond foreshadowing now. He is ''five''-shadowing!
* When the camera zooms in on young!Rose's and then zooms in then out, seguing into old!Rose's eye, the cast hum soothing, romantic music, until the eye starts to change, when they go "AAARGH, OHMYGOD, GRRRRRGH URGH!"
--->'''Old Rose:''' He drew me for 70 years.
* (As the flashback starts to the ship) [[ConspicuousCG CGI! CGI! CGI]]
* '''Jack:''' Come on!
** '''Bill:''' Into Molly Brown's changing room... '''[[BrainBleach OH MY GOD!!! OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!]]'''
* At the end when the camera pans from 1997 Rose past a series of pictures of her in her cabin meant to show her life after the Titanic accident they point out how narcissistic it makes her look and have her talking about her cropping other people out of her pictures and objecting even to the presence of a horse in one.
* Whenever Rose's mother appears talking, they start humming a circus style music.
* On the scenes that sets the people in the high-class area, and the people on the basements, the three start to chatter on "business" and "gambling", respectively, and in the same manner on both scenes.
* Singing "Poker Face" to the tune of "Nearer My God to Thee."
* After saying [[RunningGag "I regret nothiiiing!"]] several times in regards to the people falling off the ship, this happens:
--> '''Kevin:''' I regret- '''OOOH!!''' Hitting the propeller! ''WOW'' that hurt!
* As a passenger falls to his death on the capsizing Titanic:
--> '''Mike:''' I bet I can count to 15 before I hit the water! [[DeathAsComedy 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 321!]]
* [[ItWasHisSled "I have to admit, I totally saw that coming."]]
* '''Bill''': (in a snooty tone of voice) Time for a crunk party. ...Bitches.
* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JL2uLG2oXqQ Disembaudio's rendition of "My Heart Will Go On."]] He gets a little ''too'' into it...
* "Dear diary...I saw boobs today."
* There's a RunningGag where they rag on how young LeonardoDiCaprio looks.
** '''Jack:''' I'm twelve!
*** '''Jack:''' Well, I'm actually only nine...
**** '''Angry gambler:''' You're only seven!
** '''Jack:''' Wow, next year I'll be in fifth grade! I'm a BIG boy!
** '''Jack:''' I remember when I was a kid..." '''Bill:''' Wait, WHEN I was a kid?!
** '''Jack:''' Well, I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. '''Bill:''' After all, I'm almost twelve!
* Frequent jabs are given to Cal Hockley for his effeminate appearance.
-->'''Officer William Murdoch:''' (talking about getting in the lifeboats) Anyone else?
-->'''Cal Hockley:''' (snooty tone) Will it smudge my eyeliner? I don't want that.
* '''Kevin:''' (as people are falling down the sinking ships) IT'S RAINING MEN! HALLELUJAH!
* '''Molly Brown:''' [[Main/{{Misery}} You dirty birdy!]]!
* After Rose rediscovers her old mirror
-->'''Rose:''' The reflection's changed a bit...
-->'''Mike:''' (as Rose) Back then, I was a pudgy teen. Now I'm a stone-cold fox.
* When Rose's granddaughter tries to get her to rest
-->'''Rose's granddaughter:''' Come on, Nana...
-->'''Rose:''' NO!
-->'''Mike:''' (as Rose) You just want to be the only hot chick in the room!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Troll 2'']]
* "Drew has broken free! He's trying to flee the set!"
* At the beginning of the movie:
-->'''Grampa Seth''': Goblins still exist!
-->'''Rich Kyanka''': I fought them in World War 2 just yesterday!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Warriors of the Wasteland'']]
* A CallBack, of all things, to ''{{Birdemic}}''.
-->'''Kevin:''' ''(singing)'' Just hanging out, hanging out, hanging out with my enemies, having ourselves a party!
* There is also a CallBack to ''TheRoom''. When the film goes into a softcore Cinemax's style porn scene, Kevin exclaims, "Tommy Wiseau has ripped control of the film!" Naturally, Disembaudio walks in at this moment, just as he did in ''The Room'', and once again calls the trio perverts.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:''The Wicker Man'']]
* The infamous bike scene:
-->'''Edward:''' Get off the bike.
-->'''Mike''': (''as Sister Rose'') It's a girl's bike.
-->'''Edward:''' Get off the bike!
-->'''Kevin:''' (''as Sister Rose'') I said, ''it's a girl's bike.''
-->'''Edward:''' (''pulls out his gun'') Step away from the bike!
-->'''Mike:''' (''as Sister Rose'') Fine, if you want to look like an idiot on a girl's bike.
* And school girls' StrawFeminist rant.
* Pretty much every time the ridiculously masculine Sister Beech is on screen, expect to crack up like a lunatic. She's obviously their favorite thing about the movie.
** For instance, after Edward knocks her out with a single punch:
-->'''Kevin''': Well, the 'never strike a woman' rule is still intact, it being ''Sister Beech'' and all
** Late in the movie, when Mike mistakes her for ''Kevin James''.
* "When I think of getting jumped by Leelee Sobiesky, it's a little different."
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'']]
* The intro includes a fantastic ShoutOut: Disembaudio challenging guest-riffer NeilPatrickHarris to a [[Series/HowIMetYourMother Slap Bet]].
* "Nintendo Sixty FOUUUU-I mean a Golden Ticket! Yippie!"
* Chemistry class:
-->'''Mike''': Neil, can I ask you to go ahead and mix together some of my special chemicals I brought into the studio today?\\
'''Neil''': Of course, Mike. [[WhatAnIdiot I see no reason whatsoever not to]] [[ViolationOfCommonSense mix together whatever chemicals I'm handed at any given time]].\\
'''Mike''': That's what I like to hear.\\
'''''[[StuffBlowingUp (BOOOOOOM!)]]'''''\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC: Mike! You've blown up stage, screen and television actor NeilPatrickHarris!]]\\
'''Mike''': ''[[BigNo Nooooooo!]]''
* When the news reports that two of the five tickets have been found:
-->'''Reporter''': Whatever corner of the globe we're in, which ever of the five continents we're on...\\
'''Neil''': So they go nuts for Wonka Bars even in grim, socialist, dystopian societies?\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Oh? Is this set in France?]]\\
'''Mike''': Disembaudio~ ''once again'' coming out of nowhere to spank the French!
* "Mom saw a dull flicker of hope and snuffed it out right at the source. Way to go, mom."
* Math class.
-->'''Mr. Turkentine:''' Today, we're going to learn...''(draws a circle on the black board)''\\
'''Mike:''' ...how to play Hangman!\\
'''Mr. Turkentine:''' ...about percentages. ''(talks for a while -- shot of the class groaning)''\\
'''Mike:''' ''(imitating children's voice)'' ''THIS IS HISTORY CLASS!''
* "Where have I seen that deluded look of hope before--oh, yeah! A craps table at 4:00 [[AC:a.m.]]!
* When Charlie and his grandfather pine over a Wonka bar that may or may not have the Golden Ticket inside:
-->'''Mike''': Neil, I don't want to know what happens next, but just tell me this...are dreams crushed?\\
'''Neil''': ''Obliterated''. Not an atom of hope or joy anywhere to be found.
* Just before they enter:
-->'''Mike''': Joe's pointing out all the people that couldn't vote the last time he was out of bed.\\
'''Veruca Salt''': I want to go in first, before anyone else!\\
'''Mr. Salt''': Anything you say, sweetheart.\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': [[INeedAFreakingDrink I can't believe I forgot mah bloody flask]].
* In the very tiny room, just before the factory itself:
-->'''Mr. Salt''': You're a bleedin' nut, Wonka! No one can get through there!\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Sam-B would have to a~gree!\\
''('''SLAP''')''\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Ugh!\\
'''Mike''': Disembaudio! You just slapped NeilPatrickHarris!\\
'''Disembaudio''': [[AC:Hey, I just did what we were both thinking. I keeps it real, Neil!]]\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': Ouch! Yes, I get it--very real.
* When Willy Wonka sings for the first time:
-->'''Mike''': Hey, I wore ''nearly'' that identical outfit to prom.\\
''({{Beat}})''\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': ...wow.\\
'''Mike''': Now that I think about it, though, my tie wasn't nearly that subdued.
* When the kids are [[ItMakesSenseInContext licking the walls]]:
-->'''Veruca Salt''': Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?\\
'''Mike''': ''(as Wonka turns Salt's head toward him)'' Look, Salt, I swear to god, I will cut you!
* When Willy Wonka starts shouting during the Creepy Tunnel Scene from Hell:
-->'''NeilPatrickHarris''': And if you're ready Mike, may I offer you a wide-awake nightmare?\\
'''Mike''': Why...yes!\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': I don't mind if you do!
--->'''NeilPatrickHarris''': This is for all the eight-year-olds who dropped blotter acid before going to see the film.
--->'''Mike''': Salvador Dali took one look at this scene and said, "Hey, man! This is too weird even for me!"
---->'''Wonka''' (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing....which direction we are going....
---->'''Mike''': You know what would be funny -- if you were an airline pilot and get on the intercom and do this exact thing.
---->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': This is what I imagine it's like to spend time with TimBurton.
* After drinking the special soda:
-->'''Mike''': You think this is a metaphor? You know, for...[[DontExplainTheJoke getting high]]?\\
'''NeilPatrickHarris''': ..."metaphor"? Heck, no! I think they ''were'' high when they filmed this! And when they wrote it, filmed it, screened it, ate lunch, slept, took showers. There was more THC passing through that movie set than through the whole Burning Man festival.
* During Veruca's "[[IWantSong I Want It Now]]" song:
-->'''Mike''': Did you ever do this on the set of ''Series/HowIMetYourMother''? Just dance around, singing a song of your contractual demands?
-->'''Neil Patrick Harris''': Yeah. Just the other day I knocked em' dead with a five minute show-tune about the kind of cold-cuts I demanded to have in my trailer. Standing-O, my friend. ''(as Veruca Salt trashes the room)'' Gosh, I didn't do this ''exactly''; during my dance break, I ran around punching crew guys and lighting small fires.
** Then Mike talks about how if he had to do a musical number he probably wouldn't be able to come up with anything too flashy.
-->'''Mike''':*Singing* I want a sandwich! A nicely prepared ham sandwich! If you could put a pickle on the side I'd really appreciate it, but don't go through any trouble.
* "A stiff thumbs-up shows the kids today you're 'down' with the 'music' and the 'scene' and the 'Pogs'."
* The confusion over which country the movie takes place in, including "Maybe it's set before the American Revolution" and "Hope he doesn't get mugged on the mean streets of Englameripoland."
* During "Pure Imagination":
--> '''Wonka:''' If you want to view paradise...
--> '''Neil Patrick Harris:''' (finishing the lyric) Simply watch another movie!
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''X-Men'']]
* During the opening scene:
--> '''Mike''': Oh...Oh, do you really get to use the Holocaust in your silly little comic book movie?\\
'''Bill''': It doesn't seem fair, but I guess they're doin' it...
* On Wolverine's facial hair:
--> '''Mike''': You know, I don't think the Martin Van Buren mutton chops quite cut it anymore, now that it's not 1825 and all."\\
'''Bill''': I think he should try a beard with no mustache for a fresher, more 1863 look.
* "Shouldn't he get back to the University of Michigan and start ''being their mascot''?"
* "Cerebro?" "Magneto?" "Yes, Cerebro." "Why, thank you, Magneto!" [[RunningGag "Hello, Cerebro." "Yes, Magneto."]] [[OverlyLongGag "Well, Magneto, I guess." "Cerebro."]]
* On Cerebro (their favorite thing in the whole movie):
--> '''Bill''': Such a subtle name.\\
'''Mike''': Yeah, he nearly called it "Brains A-Poppin'."
* A nice TakeThat at a certain other movie in the series:
--> '''Charles''': This is a school for gifted mutants.\\
'''Wolverine''': That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.\\
'''Mike''': Then you've never seen ''X-Men 3''.
* This hilarious bit
-->'''Magneto''': Because there is no land of tolerance. There is no peace. Not here or anywhere else. Women and children, whole families destroyed. Simply because they were born different from those in power.
-->'''Mike''': Fine, you can marry your boyfriend.
[[/folder]]
[[folder: ''X-Men: The Last Stand'']]
* "[[TheRoom "Oh, hai, Alcatraz! Hope Chris R doesn't escape! Hahaha..."]]
** "Oh, hai, army of mutants!"
* Every single time they mimic IanMcKellen's voice. Campiness ensues.
* This line involving EllenPage's character
** [[Film/{{Inception}} "I'm going to architecture school, so..."]]
* Magneto trying to make an "I Will Survive" music video.
* After Bobby beats Pyro
--> '''Bobby:''' You never should have left [the school]!
--> '''Kevin:''' Nobody fed your fish and it '''died!'''
[[/folder]]
----
