History Funny / RatchetAndClankUpYourArsenal

** Klunk later sums up an ''actually'' heartfelt speech with "What a load of [[CurseCutShort bullsh-]]"

'''TV Prompt:''' ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!

* The Qwark Vid-Comic intros and outros. ''All of them''. Special highlights include:

* Dr. Nefarious is about to unleash his ultimate doomsday weapon - only to accidentally activate a hologram of himself singing loudly and screechily off-key as Clank looks on in embarrassment. Seems Lawrence "accidentally" handed him a remote that shows his rehearsal for "[[Series/AmericanIdol Galactic Idol]]". If it were not for the subtitles, then the lyric would sound pretty silly.

[[caption-width-right:350:Does Ratchet have a monkey on his back? or is it "ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!"]]

--> '''Qwark:''' It was ''mating'' season! [[TooMuchInformation How was ]]''[[TooMuchInformation I ]]''[[TooMuchInformation supposed to know she was your sister?]] *notices Ratchet and Clank (Klunk) standing behind him* *nervous laugh* [[HowMuchDidYouHear How long have you two been standing there?]]

** It's also hilarious to note that his mission briefings were a slide presentation that was hand-drawn... with crayons. It looked like a 4-year old did it.

-->'''Alien:''' I've seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt naked, screamin', and holdin' a banan'r. Or maybe it weren't a banan'r. [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar It could be]]--\\

'''Narrator:''' Qwark then proceeded to [[{{Pun}} stall]] for time, while he coordinated the city's defenses from the women's restroom at Galaxy Burger.\\
'''Qwark:''' Give me that thing, you lying, no-good... '''(knocks the narrator out)'''

* Sometimes, when Nefarious gets too emotionally wound up, he'll short out, freeze in place, and his voice will be replaced with the broadcast of a SoapOpera. The only way to fix him is a [[TapOnTheHead blow to the head]].

--->'''Qwark:''' That's right, you were that freak with the headgear! Remember how we used to clean the chalkboard with your pants... ''while you were still wearing them''? Oh, good times.\\

--->'''Qwark:''' Remember how we used to clean the chalkboard with your pants... ''while you were still wearing them''? Oh, good times.\\

** Also at the end, Ratchet gets a SmoochOfVictory from his GirlOfTheWeek. Skrunch looks expectantly at Clank, who warns "Do not even think about it."

-->'''Dr Nefarious:''' ARRRGH! LAWREEEEENCE!!\\

--> '''Alien:''' I've seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt naked, screamin', and holdin' a banan'r. Or maybe it weren't a banan'r. [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar It could be]]--
--> '''TV Prompt:''' ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!

-->'''Galactic President:''' My daughter tells me you're a man who's good with his hands, Ratchet.
-->'''Ratchet:''' Sir, I swear I NEVER--

-->'''Qwark:''' First, Ratchet and Clank will descend to the sea floor and wade through a series of tunnels flooded with waist-high raw sewage.
-->'''Ratchet:''' ''[[BigWhat WHAT??]]''
-->'''Qwark:''' Please hold your questions until the ''end'' of the presentation.
** It's also hilarious to note that his mission briefings was a slide presentation that was hand-drawn... with crayons. It looked like a 4-year old did it.

--> '''Trooper:''' Officer Helga?
--> '''Helga:''' Ja?
--> '''Trooper:''' [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Do you have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing!?]]
--> '''Helga:''' Listen up you lardball! The answer is NO!

* The Qwark Vid-Comic intros and outtros. ''All of them''. Special highlights include:

-->'''Narrator:''' However, no previous adventure could have prepared Qwark for his encounter with the dread pirate Blackstar and his crew of... [[WhoWritesThisCrap oh, please tell me this is a typo]].\\

** The outtro to the same episode begins with the narrator ''still'' ranting about the stupidity of the whole premise:
-->'''Narrator:''' I mean, I've worked on some real junk, but this one takes the cake. ''Pirate ghost robots''. What do they think, we're idiots?\\

-->'''Narrator:''' With great reluctance, Qwark accepted a meager fee[[labelnote:*]]At least a ''trillion'' Bolts[[/labelnote]] for his services and promptly donated the entire sum to the "Qwark for Tots" scholarship fund, a charity providing makeovers and... ''buxom bimbos'' to needy people. ''Named Qwark''.\\

-->'''Nefarious:''' We'll see who's insane when my pets have exterminated all life on this miserable planet!\\

-->'''Narrator:''' When Captain Qwark encountered the amoeboids for the first time, he immediately executed Emergency Response Plan: "[[BringMyBrownPants Number 2]]".\\

-->'''Qwark:''' Remember how we used to clean the chalkboard with your pants... ''while you were still wearing them''? Oh, good times.\\

--> '''Janice:''' The baby isn't yours.
--> '''Lance:''' What? Who? Who is the father?
--> '''Janice:''' Oh! Your evil twin brother, Englebert!
--> '''Lance:''' But Janice... I AM Engelbert!
** The fact that Episode 5, being a bootleg, is narrated by [[spoiler:Slim Cognito]] is hilarious in and of itself.

* We're treated to this exchange part way through:
--> '''Skidd:''' Sasha and Qwark are meeting with the president, man, they left me in charge of the ship!
--> '''Ratchet:''' WHAT?! I mean, I see... Well, is Al there?
--> '''Skidd:''' He's out to lunch.
--> '''Ratchet:''' Helga?
--> '''Skidd:''' In the sauna!
--> '''Clank:''' Qwark's monkey, perhaps?

--> '''Qwark:''' It was ''mating'' season! [[TooMuchInformation How was ]]''[[TooMuchInformation I ]]''[[TooMuchInformation supposed to know she was your sister?]] *notices Ratchet and Clank [[spoiler:(Klunk)]] standing behind him* *nervous laugh* [[HowMuchDidYouHear How long have you two been standing there?]]
--> '''Clank [[spoiler:(Klunk)]]:''' Too long...

--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' [[CallingShotGun Shotgun!]]
--> '''Qwark:''' Aargh!
--> *various impact noises*
--> '''Ratchet:''' Hey! Gah-- what are you doing?
--> '''Qwark:''' Move over, I'll drive!
--> '''Ratchet:''' Uh, no thanks, I'd rather make it there in one piece.
--> '''Qwark:''' Stand down soldier, this is your captain speaking!
--> '''Ratchet:''' [[CurseCutShort Captain my--]]
--> *various cartoon impact noises, grunting throughout*
--> '''Ratchet:''' Wait! No, don't sit on the flight stick!
--> '''Qwark:''' Auuaaugh!

--> '''Nefarious:''' [[YouAreFat You've put on a bit of weight since last we met]].
--> '''Qwark:''' Yeah, well ''Courtney Gears'' didn't seem to mind!
--> '''Nefarious:''' QWAAAAAAAAAAAA-(fft)-"[[RunningGag That's what makes it so good, Janice! Feel it: my heart is pounding like an anvil!]]"

-->'''Dr. Nefarious:''' Lawrence, teleport us out of here!
-->'''Lawrence:''' Of course, sir. ''[[[{{Troll}} teleports himself away]]]''
-->'''Dr. Nefarious:''' Lawrence? ''[beat]'' THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LAWRENCE!
-->''[Nefarious is teleported away]''

* Ratchet's attempt at a [[spoiler:eulogy]] for Qwark, and [[spoiler:Klunk]] making things difficult for him.
--> '''Ratchet:''' Captain Qwark had so many, um, er... ''wonderful'' qualities, I just don't know where to begin...
--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' Such as...?
** [[spoiler:Klunk]] later sums up an ''actually'' heartfelt speech with "What a load of [[CurseCutShort bullsh-]]"

* Dr. Nefarious is about to unleash his ultimate doomsday weapon - only to accidentally activate a hologram of himself singing loudly and screechily off-key as Clank looks on in embarrassment. Seems Lawrence "accidentally" handed him a remote that shows his rehearsal for "Galactic Idol". If it were not for the subtitles, then the lyric would sound pretty silly.

-->'''Dr Nefarious:''' ARRRGH! LAWREEEEENCE!!
-->'''Lawrence:''' Oh, dear. That was your audition for Galactic Idol, wasn't it? Oh, my mistake, sir. Dreadfully sorry.

* Ratchet finds out [[spoiler:his Clank is actually an imposter]]:
--> '''Ratchet:''' Look Clank, it's Dr. Nefarious! And that butler guy! And... [[spoiler:they've got Clank! They're, uh, holding you prisoner! How about that?]]
--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' *evil chuckle*
--> '''Ratchet:''' [[spoiler:I guess I should be feeling pretty stupid right now. I don't suppose there's any chance he's the evil Clank?]]
--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' *another evil chuckle, as [[RedEyesTakeWarning his eyes turn red]]*
--> '''Ratchet:''' Yeah, didn't think so.

* The very end where Nefarious and Lawrence are [[spoiler:trapped on an asteroid drifting through space, with the nearest planet reachable within a few thousand years.]] As Nefarious sulks, Lawrence plays a few riffs on his bass before looking inquisitively at Nefarious.
--> '''Nefarious:''' Now what?
--> '''Lawrence:''' I don't suppose you can play drums?
--> '''Nefarious:''' !...'''''LAW-RENCE!!!'''''

--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' Shotgun!

* Ratchet's attempt to simulate the seductive dancing of robotic pop star Courtney Gears, ending with him making a kissy face at Clank.
* Dr. Nefarious is about to unleash his ultimate doomsday weapon - only to accidentally activate a hologram of himself singing loudly and screechily off-key as Clank looks on in embarrassment. Seems Lawrence "accidentally" handed him a remote that shows his rehearsal for "Galactic Idol". If it were not for the subtitles, then the lyric would sound pretty silly.
-->'''Nefarious Hologram:''' You are my robot lover! ([[LadyMondegreen You and I rule, ba-lum-bah!]])
** Which leads to present-day Nefarious, usually oblivious to Lawrence's misbehaviour, going into a screaming fit and ''punching Lawrence onto the ground''.
-->'''Dr Nefarious:''' ARRRGH! LAWREEEEENCE!!
-->'''Lawrence:''' Oh, dear. That was your audition for Galactic Idol, wasn't it? Oh, my mistake, sir. Dreadfully sorry.
* Nefarious has led the heroes into a trap and activated the Leviathan's self-destruct mechanism:
-->'''Dr. Nefarious:''' Lawrence, teleport us out of here!
-->'''Lawrence:''' Of course, sir. ''[[[{{Troll}} teleports himself away]]]''
-->'''Dr. Nefarious:''' Lawrence? ''[beat]'' THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LAWRENCE!
-->''[Nefarious is teleported away]''

* Here's a jewel:
--> '''Skrunch:''' *angry monkey babble*
--> '''Qwark:''' I thought we agreed to put that jungle business behind us.
--> '''Skrunch:''' *furious monkey screeching*
--> '''Qwark:''' It was ''mating'' season! [[TooMuchInformation How was ]]''[[TooMuchInformation I ]]''[[TooMuchInformation supposed to know she was your sister?]] *notices Ratchet and Clank [[spoiler:(Klunk)]] standing behind him* *nervous laugh* [[HowMuchDidYouHear How long have you two been standing there?]]
--> '''Clank [[spoiler:(Klunk)]]:''' Too long...
* "One of Nature's Mysteries"
--> '''Alien:''' I've seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt naked, screamin', and holdin' a banan'r. Or maybe it weren't a banan'r. [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar It could be]]--
--> '''TV Prompt:''' ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!
* When you arrive at Holostar Studios to tape a Secret Agent Clank episode, Ratchet tries to activate the cloaking device on their ship, but accidentally ejects Clank, who lands on set. Then...
--> '''Director:''' CUT! CUT! That's it! You've disgraced my set for the last time, kid! Take up basket weaving! You're fired! ...Get me the monkey.
* We're treated to this exchange part way through:
--> '''Skidd:''' Sasha and Qwark are meeting with the president, man, they left me in charge of the ship!
--> '''Ratchet:''' WHAT?! I mean, I see... Well, is Al there?
--> '''Skidd:''' He's out to lunch.
--> '''Ratchet:''' Helga?
--> '''Skidd:''' In the sauna!
--> '''Clank:''' Qwark's monkey, perhaps?
* Ratchet's attempt at a [[spoiler:eulogy]] for Qwark, and [[spoiler:Klunk]] making things difficult for him.
--> '''Ratchet:''' Captain Qwark had so many, um, er... ''wonderful'' qualities, I just don't know where to begin...
--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' Such as...?
** [[spoiler:Klunk]] later sums up an ''actually'' heartfelt speech with "What a load of [[CurseCutShort bullsh-]]"
* The Biobliterator's [[BlatantLies sixty second destruction sequence]]:
--> '''Dr. Nefarious:''' What?! '''That wasn't even ''CLOSE'' to sixty seconds'''!
* Qwark and Nefarious' discussion about their school days.
--> '''Qwark:''' Remember how I used to clean the chalk board with your pants... While you were still wearing them? Oh, good times...
--> '''Nefarious:''' You were three times my size, you stupid oaf!
--> '''Qwark:''' I was always big for my age.
--> '''Nefarious:''' You were twenty-six!
* The very end where Nefarious and Lawrence are [[spoiler:trapped on an asteroid drifting through space, with the nearest planet reachable within a few thousand years.]] As Nefarious sulks, Lawrence plays a few riffs on his bass before looking inquisitively at Nefarious.
--> '''Nefarious:''' Now what?
--> '''Lawrence:''' I don't suppose you can play drums?
--> '''Nefarious:''' !...'''''LAW-RENCE!!!'''''
** Also at the end, Ratchet gets a SmoochOfVictory from his GirlOfTheWeek. Skrunch looks expectantly at Clank, who warns "Do not even think about it."

* Skidd post-transformation apparently keeps his SurferDude talk, but in a robotic monotone.
-->'''Robot!Skidd:''' Like, destroy all squishies. Dude.

* The tense, long-awaited reunion between old nemeses:
--> '''Nefarious:''' [[YouAreFat You've put on a bit of weight since last we met]].
--> '''Qwark:''' Yeah, well ''Courtney Gears'' didn't seem to mind!
--> '''Nefarious:''' QWAAAAAAAAAAAA-(fft)-"[[RunningGag That's what makes it so good, Janice! Feel it: my heart is pounding like an anvil!]]"

--> '''Clank:''' He says you have ears like a Florana dung beaver. *chuckle*

--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' Too long...

** The ending of Episode 3, when he recounts his days of bullying Dr. Nefarious in school:

'''Narrator:''' However, no previous adventure could have prepared Qwark for his encounter with the dread pirate Blackstar and his crew of... [[WhoWritesThisCrap oh, please tell me this is a typo]].\\

'''Narrator:''' With great reluctance, Qwark accepted a meager fee[[labelnote:*]]At least a ''trillion'' Bolts[[/labelnote]] for his services and promptly donated the entire sum to the "Qwark for Tots" scholarship fund, a charity providing makeovers and... ''buxom bimbos'' to needy people. ''Named Qwark''.\\

-->'''Lawrence:''' [[SarcasmMode That should clear things right up, sir]].

'''Qwark:''' Remember how we used to clean the chalkboard with your pants... ''while you were still wearing them''? Oh, good times.\\

* From Qwark Vid-Comic 4:

--> '''[[spoiler:Klunk]]:''' *another evil chuckle*

-->'''Galactic President:''' My daughter tells me you're a man who's good with his hands Ratchet.
-->'''Ratchet:''' Sir, I swear I NEVER . . .

** Which leads to present-day Nefarious, usually oblivious to Lawrence's misbehaviour, going into a screaming fit and ''punches Lawrence onto the ground''.

--> '''Clank:''' Too long...

--> [[spoiler:'''Klunk]]:''' Such as...?

--> '''Ratchet:''' Hey! Uh-- what are you doing?

--> '''Ratchet:''' Agh, don't sit on the flight stick!
--> '''Qwark:''' Auuaaugh!