History Funny / PlanescapeTorment

--> [[LetMeGetThisStraight So]], from the VERY START... [[CouldHaveAvoidedThisPlot you could have TOLD me where the portal was, WHAT the portal is, WHY I am immortal, WHAT happened to my mortality, AND the fact that it's in this Fortress?!]] Morte, IllKillYou

* You can let Marta conduct an autopsy on you. You're still conscious (for a while) and there's no anaesthesia. The game describes in [[BlackHumour disturbing detail]] the procedure before The Nameless one ''finally'' passes out.

** Fall-From-Grace, being a literal demon and all, has a lethal kiss. She tells you this pretty early on. A low wisdom protagonist can try to kiss her.. only to very predictably die from it.

-->'''Elderly Hive Dweller:''' ''[thrusts out her pelvis and mimics the Nameless One's heroic stance]'' [[DialogueTree Greetin's]], I have [[LampshadeHanging some questions]]... Can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is? ...Dung, all o' it! Only gets ye in the dead-book! I ought ta kick ye in the shins fer even pesterin' a poor ol' woman about it all! Now go away and leaves me in peace!

** An obviously high class female sensate in front of the Civic Festhall will particularly cruelly trash both the protagonist and his allies. Now unless you want to actually kill her, there is nothing the player can do to really get back at her.. unless they have Morte. Give him the green light and you'll get what can only be described as one of the most crushing "TheReasonYouSuck" Speeches ever given to a non-hero or villain. It's obvious from her reactions that ''he nails it.''

** His taunts are funny enough that you sometimes don't care how repetitive they can get. "You're a perfectly good waste of arms and legs" and, "You've got a face only a sledgehammer could love...and *has*" are prime examples.

* Just before going to the VeryDefinitelyFinalDungeon, you have to write a regret on a piece of your skin. You can regret [[NiceGuy that your friends have come to suffer]], or [[VillainProtagonist regret that there WASN'T enough suffering]], you can [[MindScrew regret that you have no]] [[IRegretNothing regrets to write on the skin]]... or alternatively, you can go for [[RantInducingSlight something else]] - [[LampshadeHanging I regret that I wandered all over the Planes when the damn portal was right here when I FIRST woke up.]]

-->'''Elderly Hive Dweller:''' ''[thrusts out her pelvis and mimics the Nameless One's heroic stance]'' [[DialogueTree Greetin's]], I have [[LampshadeHanging some questions]]... Can ye tell me about this place? Who's the Lady o' Pain? I'm lookin' fer the magic Girdle of Swank Iron, have ye seen it? Do ye know where a portal ta the 2,817th Plane o' the Abyss might be? Do ye know where the Holy Flamin' Frost-Brand Gronk-Slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' Woundin' an' Returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-Out-Yer-Bum is? ...Dung, all o' it! Only gets ye in the dead-book! I ought ta kick ye in the shins fer even pesterin' a poor ol' woman about it all! Now go away and leaves me in peace!

** He can also claim to be [[AscendedMeme the Head Of Vecna]].[[labelnote:For those who don’t know]]The Head Of Vecna is an infamous hoax artifact from a DND session run by Mark Steuer where one adventuring party tricked another one into [[TooDumbToLive cutting their own heads off]] by claiming it was the only way to get the artifact in question. There actually are two Vecna artifacts that require you to remove body parts, so the victims fell for it easily.[[/labelnote]]

* Just before going to the VeryDefinitelyFinalDungeon, you have to write a regret on a piece of your skin. You can regret [[NiceGuy that your friends have come to suffer]], or [[VillainProtagonist regret that there WASN'T enough suffering]], you can [[MindScrew regret that you have no]] [[IRegretNothing regrets to write on the skin]]... or alternatively, you can go for [[RantInducingSlight something else]] - [[spoiler:[[LampshadeHanging I regret that I wandered all over the Planes when the damn portal was right here when I FIRST woke up.]]]]

* The beginning of the dialogue between [[spoiler:the Transcendent One and Ravel]] has the former [[LargeHam imperiously]] ordering the second to rise up, only for the latter to petulantly reply "Go away, I'm dead" while lying on the ground. Despite never changing his tone, you can imagine [[spoiler:the Transcendent One]]'s exasperation.
* When asked what species he is by Fall-from-Grace, Morte claims he’s “[[BilingualBonus le petit morte]]”. That’s a French euphemism for [[spoiler:orgasm.]]

* The scene where [[LogicBomb you convince a man you’re talking to that he doesn’t actually exist, despite the fact that you are talking to him]]. Thanks to the [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve nature]] of Sigil, the poor guy promptly disappears in a PuffOfLogic. [[spoiler:And if you do this, you unlock a secret ending where you do the same thing to ''yourself''.]]

* People in the Planescape setting really enjoy messing with the poor Nameless One's body parts, but particularly his eye. An early encounter in the Burning Corpse Tavern has the innkeeper pulling out your previous eye and saying you've got a few seconds to pull out your own and replace it before it rots. Ravel will tell you to close your eyes, and when you open (one of) them, she'll be holding your eye and crushing it right in front of you, only to stab it back in again. Ignis promises to give you some stat boosts for your body parts, so if you managed to keep your old eyeball around you'll be able to ask him to "upgrade it". Unfortunately, he'll instead scorch your only remaining "good" eyeball instead.

-->'''Hive Dweller:''' Oh, look! A floating skull!
-->'''Morte:''' Oh, look! A talking turd!

-->'''Morte:''' "Hey, you! That's right, you there, you saucy little tart... look at me when I talk to you! What's got you so bitter, hmm?" The woman, caught off guard, didn't reply. She only stared at the floating skull that suddenly popped out to dance around her and jeer. "Aw, does the little Desert Princess have her britches in a bunch because the Sultan wanted another son? Tell me, 'Desert Princess,' do you spend most of your nights drunken and belligerent, followed about by a handful of leering sycophants, looking in your own pathetic way to justify your existence to a disapproving father?"\\
'''Woman:''' "What... who... how dare-" she sputtered, the blood draining from her face.\\
''The two men flanking her glanced at each other and turned pale.''\\
'''Morte:''' "Do you really think your petty brawling will finally make you feel better about yourself? Feel like you're worth something? Because IT WON'T! If this is your sad little path to feeling better about who you are, I suggest you just give up, go home, and marry off into some courtier's harem!"\\
'''Woman:''' "I... I..."

-->'''Ravel Puzzlewell:''' Life swallowed you and spit you out!\\

-->'''Nordom:''' In the 13.7 Revolution, we were required to fix gear and cog subset 31 in the fifth ring of Mechanus. We removed the obstruction and the gear turned as per its normal speed. Upon completing our task, we were then returned to the Source.
-->'''Morte:''' What in the Hells was that, you stupid polygon?! That's the most boring story I ever heard!
-->'''Nordom:''' It was what took place. With embellishments, of course.
-->'''Morte:''' Embellishments?
-->'''Nordom:''' I thought the return to Source was a particularly fitting image to close the tale.

-->'''Nordom:''' Attention, Fall-from-Grace. I wish to address your body.\\

-->'''Nordom:''' Annah, does your tail assist you in maintaining your balance?\\

* The scene where [[LogicBomb you convince a man you’re talking to that he doesn’t actually exist, despite the fact that you are talking to him]]. Thanks to the [[ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve nature]] of Sigil, the poor guy promptly disappears in a PuffOfLogic. [[spoiler:And if you do this, you unlock a secret ending where you do the same thing to ''yourself''.]]

* The beginning of the dialogue between [[spoiler:the Transcendent One and Ravel]] has the former [[LargeHam imperiously]] ordering the second to rise up, only for the latter to petulantly reply "Go away, I'm dead" while lying on the ground. Despite never changing his tone, you can imagine [[spoiler:the Transcendent One]]'s exasperation.

** Throughout the game, but especially in the first area, you can "talk" to all the walking corpses, zombies and skeletons. Being dead, they won't respond. This doesn't stop the protagonist from treating them as perfectly fine living people. Morte will only say something the first time around, probably feeling sorry for the permanent damage those deaths have done to your brain

* In the Civic Festhall, one guy will be talking about a very complex D&D form of reincarnation. While he's not entirely wrong, the way he says it and the way he jokes at the protagonist's expense gives justification for some schooling on the player's part. The lecturer can be asked to kill himself to prove his point. Naturally, he'll decline, saying that he'll do it if the Nameless One does so first... and so you do! Being immortal, snapping your own neck takes only seconds to regenerate. The following "Now you" conversation can lead to him completely denouncing his stance and subsequently pissing himself.

* In "Curst Gone", you find some unexplained stone faces that tell you what happened to the town. You can then rhetorically state why there are so many bodiless heads around. '''This grants you XP.'''

-->'''Ravel Puzzlewell:''' Life swallowed you and spit you out!

-->'''Morte:''' Women are the reason I became a monk. And, uh, the reason I switched back.\\
His taunts are funny enough that you sometimes don't care how repetitive they can get. "You're a perfectly good waste of arms and legs" and, "You've got a face only a sledgehammer could love...and *has*" are prime examples.

'''Nordom:''' It was not my intention to initiate legislation against you.

'''Nordom:''' It was not my intention to initiate legislation against you.\\

'''Nordom:''' It was not my intention to initiate legislation against you.

** When asked to tell a story to Yves, Nordom will tell a story of how some of the Modrons once fixed something and went "home". That's it. When pressed by Morte, he'll admit that the going "home" was an embellishment on his part.

* In "Curt Gone", you find some unexplained stone faces that tell you what happened to the town. You can then rhetorically state why there are so many bodiless heads around. '''This grants you XP.'''

-->'''Morte:''' "Hey, you! That's right, you there, you saucy little tart... look at me when I talk to you! What's got you so bitter, hmm?" The woman, caught off guard, didn't reply. She only stared at the floating skull that suddenly popped out to dance around her and jeer. "Aw, does the little Desert Princess have her britches in a bunch because the Sultan wanted another son? Tell me, 'Desert Princess,' do you spend most of your nights drunken and belligerent, followed about by a handful of leering sycophants, looking in your own pathetic way to justify your existence to a disapproving father?"
-->'''Woman:''' "What... who... how dare-" she sputtered, the blood draining from her face.
-->''The two men flanking her glanced at each other and turned pale.''
-->'''Morte:''' "Do you really think your petty brawling will finally make you feel better about yourself? Feel like you're worth something? Because IT WON'T! If this is your sad little path to feeling better about who you are, I suggest you just give up, go home, and marry off into some courtier's harem!"
-->'''Woman:''' "I... I..."