History Funny / NonePiece

--> *''Jesus' drink blows up and he turns towards Shanks, [[BrickJoke implying that he beefed in it]].''*

-->'''Morgan:''' Son, I look like a Bond villain and there's some guy running around who sounds like SeanConnery. SHIT IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN!

-->'''Zoro:''' "Holy shit, dude!"

* Luffy: "That's it! I can't take it anymore! Everyone but me has maimed someone today!" *''to Don Kringle''* "'''YOU!''' LET'S DO THIS THING!"

{{Beat}}\\

-->'''Johnny:''' "I bet you play online poker in assless chaps! *Swings his sword at Luffy*

-->'''Johnny:''' "ooh?"

-->'''Johnny:''' "Oh, me? I'm on a trip to the cosmos. In my mind."

-->'''Johnny:''' "Oh, him! ....He's still on the ship. we can go say hi to him if you want. HEY! Yusuke! We got guests! Show some fuckin' respect! *Yusuke is blue and injured on the deck* ...You lazy piece of shit."
-->'''Yusuke:''' "Zoro... is that you?"

-->'''Johnny:''' *Stuffs his junk into Yusuke's mouth* "WOOOOOO!"

-->'''Johnny:''' *Beat*

-->'''Zoro:''' "Holy shit dude!"

--> '''Sanji:''' Why? They badmouth our cuisine! [[InsaneTrollLogic It's like they're shittin' all over us!]]

--> '''Sanji:''' You know the story of Christmas right? Saint Nick giving the all the kids presents?
--> '''Zoro:''' Yeah?
--> '''Sanji:''' Well they never tell you about Kris Kringle's brother. Don Kringle. That's right. Long ago, Santa Claus' brother, Don was banished from the North Pole. As legend has it, Don built his base on the west pole. He started small, with only him, his wife, and I dunno like an elf or something. But soon, he amassed an army and every year on July 25th, he exacts his revenge by celebrating Second Christmas.
--> '''Zoro:''' '''First''' Christmas.
--> '''Sanji:''' What?
--> '''Zoro:''' It would be ''First'' Christmas. Christmas is on December 25th. Quote on quote Second Christmas is ''July'' 25th. You shoud call it ''First'' Christmas. Because it comes first.

--> '''(Heavenly Choir starts then immediatley stops)'''
--> '''Don:''' That's right assholes, Second Christmas is here! Now everyone get out your shit and put it in this bag!
--> '''Zoro:''' Wait, he's robbing us?
--> '''Sanji:''' Yes asshole! He does it every year! I just explained that!
--> '''Zoro:''' Oh my god! Then call it '''REVERSE''' CHRISTMAS!
** Then Don Kringle and his elf threaten to have ''[[LogicBomb two]]'' Second Christmases should they win a battle to the death.
--> '''Zoro:''' Oh my fucking god.
--> '''Elf:''' *hisses*
* Anthony. Ant. Anthony. Ant. Anthony Ant. Wait a minute, it all makes sense now! "SANJI! HE'S FLAME-RETARD-ANT!"

-->'''Luffy:''' What's going on? Who is that?

-->'''Zoro:''' [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext It's Jesus]].

-->'''Jesus:''' How you been, man?
-->'''Zoro:''' Not bad actually, I found this crazy bag for swimmin in--
-->'''Jesus:''' KA-KAW
-->'''Zoro:''' AHHHHH! (gets slashed across the chest) AAAAHHHHHHH MOTHERFUCKER!
-->'''Jesus:''' ...Have a good day.
-->'''Zoro:''' OH REALLY?! FUCK YOU!

-->'''Jesus:''' We meet again, only this time, for the first time.
-->'''Zoro:''' What brings you here? And why now?
-->'''Jesus:''' The blonde man beefed in my salad. *flashback to that just happening* I seek vengeance.
-->'''Zoro:''' Fair enough, but first... I challenge you.
-->'''Jesus:''' Very well. I will dispatch faster than I cum fart on an airplane.
--> An airplane passes by and does just that. Zoro vomits.
-->'''Jesus:''' OH! FUCKING GROSS!
* Luffy: "That's it. I can't take it anymore! Everyone but me has maimed someone today! '''YOU!''' LET'S DO THIS THING!"

-->'''Zeff:''' I just wanna say I'm very proud of all of you. You all accomplished some great work today.
-->'''Zoro:''' [profusely bleeding] GO FUCK YOURSELF-
-->'''Zeff:''' We're finally free of Second Christmas!

-->'''Jesus:''' I saw that monkey boy you were talking about, I took a HEAVING shit on his friend.
-->'''Shanks:''' (pouring Jesus a drink) Well, looks like the foot is on the other shoe now!
--> Jesus's drink blows up and he turns towards Shanks, [[BrickJoke implying that he beefed in it]].

-->'''Merry:''' "There has been a reckoning... It was in my pants..."
-->'''Miss Kaya:''' "What are you talking about?"
-->'''Merry:''' "It was Kuro... he went Freddy Krueger on my balls..."

* A customer on the Baratie complains his soup is just a ''little'' too cold. Sanji flat out ''shits in his soup'' and beats the crap out of him while singing Hush Little Baby. What makes it even more hilarious is [[CrossesTheLineTwice another customer cheering Sanji on]].

-->'''Johnny:''' "Oh him! ....He's still on the ship. we can go say hi to him if you want."
-->'''Johnny:''' "HEY! Yusuke! We got guests! Show some fuckin' respect! *Yusuke is blue and injured on the deck* ...You lazy piece of shit."

--> '''Sanji:''' Why? They badmouth our cuisine! [[InsaneTrollLogic It's like they're shittin' on us!]]

** You Picked Me playing after Luffy punches Don Kringle in the face.

--> '''Luffy:''' "All this jackass needs is Tilda Swinton and he's ready to tackle [[ChroniclesOfNarnia Narnia]]! I am insulting your wardrobe!

-->I DRAGGED HIS ASS TWO MILES, AND ''YOU HAD THE *BEEP* KEY THE WHOLE *BEEP* FUCKING TIME!?''

-->'''Johnny:''' "HEY! Yusuke! We got guests! Show some fuckin' respect! *Yusuke is blue and injured on the deck* ...Lazy piece of shit."

--> '''Sanji:''' You know the story of Christmas right? You know, with Santa giving the all the kids presents?
--> '''Zoro:''' Yeah, why?
--> '''Sanji:''' Well they never tell you about Kris Kringle's brother. Don Kringle. That's right. Long ago, Santa Claus' brother, Don was banished from the North Pole. As legend has it, Don built his base on the west pole. At first he started out small, with only him, his wife, and I dunno like an elf or something. But soon, he amassed an army and every year on July 25th, he exacts his revenge by celebrating Second Christmas.

--> '''Zoro:''' It would be ''First'' Christmas. Christmas is on December 25th. Quote on quote Second Christmas is ''July'' 25th. It should be called ''First'' Christmas. Because it comes first.

--> '''Don:''' That's right assholes! Second Christmas is here! Now everyone get out your shit and put it in this bag!

** Then Don Kringle and his elf threaten to have ''[[LogicBomb two]]'' Second Christmases.

-->'''Zoro:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! MOTHERFUCKER!

-->'''Jesus:''' Very well. I shall dispatch you like a cum fart on an airplane.

-->'''Luffy''': "Cody, this doesn't look good! HE'S STYLING ALL OVER HIS BALLS!"

-->'''Luffy:''' "Who knows!? Maybe I'll switch it up a bit and punch him in the face too!

-->'''Luffy:''' Who is that?

-->'''Zoro:''' Not bad, actually, I found this crazy bag for swimmin in--

-->'''Jesus:''' The blonde man beefed in my salad. I seek vengeance.
-->'''Zoro:''' Alright, but before you do that, I challenge you.

** "I'LL JUST HAVE TO KILL ALL THE WITNESSES!" (''[[GoryDiscretionShot beatdown ensues]]'') "DIDJA SEE THAT ONE LAD? [[CrossesTheLineTwice HIS PANCREAS CAME RIGHT OUT HIS TEARDUCTS]]!"

-->'''Coby:''' "But I-"

--> '''Zoro:''' That's for wearin' a purple suit in public.

-->'''Lelouch:''' "'''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH'''!!!"

-->'''Johnny:''' "And I bet you play online poker in assless chaps! *Swings his sword at Luffy*

-->'''Johnny:''' "Oh, me? I'm on a trip to the cosmos. In my mind!"

--> '''Sanji:''' Yes asshole!I just explained that!

* Luffy: "That's it. I can't take it anymore. Everyone but me has maimed someone today. YOU! LET'S DO THIS THING!"

-->'''Jesus:''' I saw that monkey boy you were talking about I took a HEAVING shit on his friend.

[[caption-width-right:350:And so, our heroes fought the squall with an iron might, AND A SHIP COVERED IN HORSE PENISES.]]

-->'''Zoro:''' "I'd suck a fart out of her ass."

* A customer on the Baratie complains his soup is just a ''little'' too cold. Sanji flat out ''shits in his soup'' and beats the crap out of him while singing Hush Little Baby.

-->'''Jesus:'''I saw that monkey boy you were talking about I took a HEAVING shit on his friend.

-->'''Zoro:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH