History Funny / MocktheWeek

'''Hugh:''' [[VideoGame/PGATour McIlory]] [[KillingIntent takes out the driver...]] [[TargetSpotter Uber aren't gonna be happy about that.]]

* Series 10 episode 9's take on [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_hTonV2Ug0 "Unlikely things to hear in a science documentary]] has this glorious combination from Greg Davies and Andy Parsons:

* From Season 21's "Commercials That Never Made It To Air":

* The final episode ended with ''Unlikely Things to Hear on Mock the Week'', and everyone is on top form to end the show with a bang:

-->'''Zoe:''' What I've never actually told Dara is that I've connected his buzzer via Bluetooth to my... love eggs. ''[Dara puts his hands off the buzzer as Zoe looks at the camera knowingly, before pressing it'' several ''times.]''

** The line about Hugh and Dara fucking is made funnier by the final scene in the last ever episode, where Dara wakes up in bed announcing he's had a terrible dream in which he was hosting Mock The Week for 17 years, only for his partner to awaken and turn out be Hugh.

--->'''Dara:''' ''[exasperated]'' Jesus ''Christ''.
--->'''Hugh:''' You just want a jar of raspberry jam. Can you find it? You can find "framboise"[[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke Raspberry in French]][[/note]], what the ''fuck'' is that?

** For context, "If This Is The Answer What Is The Question" threw up the line "Chickens, Nurses, and Rain". Before it spread across eps there was this gem from Milton:

-->'''Romesh Ranganathan:''' I'll tell you what it could be - honestly - what proportion of that team[[note]]Rob Beckett, Tiff Stephenson and Andy Parsons[[/note]] have I seen completely butt naked? ''[Andy shrugs, Tiff looks to either side of her... and Rob cheerfully raises his hand and indicates it was him]''

** '''Frankie''': If everybody in class A is called Tom, Thomas or Tommy, and every second boy in class B is called Tim, Timothy or Timmy, what the fuck is going on?!

--->'''Rob''': "And the award for Most dramatic Pause at an Awards Ceremony goes to..." ''([[OverlyLongGag ten seconds pass]] as the audience laughs)''\\

'''Ed Byrne''': I am Patient Man. I work out every day, eat a high fibre diet, and simply outlive my enemies.\\

-->'''Gary:''' Thanks to a unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action film ever - ''Alan Versus Film/{{Predator}}''.

* Series 10 episode 9's take on [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_hTonV2Ug0 "Unlikely things to hear in a science documentary]] has this glorious combination from Greg Davies and Andy Parsons
--> '''Greg:''' And as the sperm swim towards the eggs, it's hard not to think that I've ruined this fried breakfast.
--> '''Andy:''' ''*{{Beat}}*'' ...I'm never again going to have a fried breakfast.

(cut to Dara laughing until he's wheezing, while Ed can be seen walking up to the Mockatron screen in the back to point out the word "UNLIKELY")

-->'''Milton''': ''(sounding sexy, kinda)'' Mmmmm... Nish Kumar. ''({{beat}})'' Sounds exotic... ''(another beat)'' Turns out he's just a bloke.\\
(camera cut to [[ActuallyPrettyFunny Nish laughing so hard]] he can't show up the following week)

--->'''Ed Gamble''': Nike now sponsors the Panda mating program at the London Zoo. ''[[SuddenlyShouting Just]] [[TheLoinsSleepTonight do it]]''!

--> '''Greg:''' [[HugeGuyTinyGirl (Embracing Lucy Porter)]] This will never work, Frodo.

'''Milton:''' ''(miming playing tennis and the same dreadful accent)'' Why do I spend my life... hitting a fuzzy green apple... with a snowshoe?

'''Milton:''' ''(miming playing tennis and the same dreadful accent)'' Why do I spend my life... hitting a fuzzy green apple... with a snowshoe?\

'''Chris Addison:''' ''(in a rather good Creator/SeanConnery voice)'' Goldfinger, what are you doing with that laser? [[NearDeathExperience You've nearly burnt my cock off!]]\\

--> '''Hugh:''' I don't know why you're so upset, Harry. [[ThatManIsDead The original Dumbledore died three films ago and no one gave a s**t.]][[note]]For ''Film/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban'', Creator/MichaelGambon took over Creator/RichardHarris in the role of Dumbledore due to the latter's death before the release of ''Film/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets''.[[/note]]\\

--> ''Greg:''' [[HugeGuyTinyGirl (Embracing Lucy Porter)]] This will never work, Frodo.

'''Frankie:''' My friends, we will never hear the word "[[Franchise/TheLordOfTheRings Mordor]]"[[note]]A play on the word "murder", which the latter series frequently used with a ''very'' Scottish flavour.[[/note]] again. ''Taggart'' has been cancelled.

'''Ed Byrne:''' Eyewitnesses say that the flasher bears a resemblance to Gru from ''WesternAnimation/DespicableMe'', and emits a short buzzing sound just before exposing himself.\\

** '''David Mitchell:''' [[UsefulNotes/VladimirPutin Vladimir]] has [[UsefulNotes/RussiansWithRustingRockets 10,000 tanks]]; [[UsefulNotes/GeorgiaEurope you]] have three. Why would you [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2008_South_Ossetia_war start a war?]] Discuss.

** '''Frankie:''' "HELLO, CANTERBURY! LET'S MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE!"

--->'''Ed Gamble''': Nike now sponsors the [[PandaingToTheAudience Panda mating program]] at the London Zoo. ''[[SuddenlyShouting Just]] [[TheLoinsSleepTonight do it]]''!

--->'''Hugh:''' You just want a jar of raspberry jam. Can you find it? You can find "framboise"[[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke Raspberry in French]][[/note]], what the ''fuck'' is that?!

* During Russell's routine on travel, he laments how travel has become scary since 9/11, noting that people are stereotyping others as terrorists based on gender, ethnicity and behaviour (‘Are they male? Are they shifty? [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Are they beige?]]’) and decrying how people have to take their shoes off in case they are hiding bombs - before suggesting that the real shoe bomber might be the man approaching the security area with a gait that would not be unseen at [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus the Ministry of Silly Walks]].

'''Dara:''' ''[cuts in, annoyed]'' Just - just - just - Just ''enough'' with the - just, y'know? I loved that hat, by the way! ''[Andy cracks up]''\\

*** Andy in was on a roll with Frankie-level CrossesTheLineTwice humor in that topic:

--->'''Miles''': Oh, charades then, right ... two words, you'll act the whole thing? Okay - oh it's Film/TheHumanCentipede, GRANDMA STOP!!

--->'''Ed Byrne''': Free to good home--''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] printer.''\\

-->'''Frankie''': You've each been selected for this mission because [[RagtagBunchOfMisfits you're unknown to the enemy and you each have a special skill.]] [[TheSmartGuy Professor Hawking]], [[TheLancer John Leslie]], [[TokenEvilTeammate Phil Neville]], the Wu-Tang Clan, [[TokenMinority Usher]], [[TheBigGuy the Sugar Puffs Monster]], [[MyFriendsAndZoidberg and]] Creator/DanielDayLewis! Welcome to [[MindScrew Operation Mind-Fuck]]!"

'''Angela:''' We've got to deal with it now, don't we? We can't just go back now. It'd be like expecting to be let back into the garden party after you just did a shit in the punch, you can't just..."\\

'''Ed G.:''' I want my face to have a Matte finish. Which is why I let my mate Matt finish on my face.

* "Unlikely Lines from a Disaster Movie"
-->'''Milton Jones:''' ''(singing)'' [[Music/TheAnimals There is a house in New Orleans]]- [[BlackComedy blublublublublublublublub...]]

-->'''Andy Parsons''': "Do you not realise, if this contagion spreads the entire X-Factor judging panel could be wiped out?"\\
''[Crowd laughs and cheers]''\\
'''Seann Walsh''': ''(nonchalantly)'' "Eh, just press that, and it'll be alright."

''[Crowd laughs and cheers]''

'''Andy''': I think I saw Ivan Lendl raise his eyebrow. That means he's just ejaculated. (''cut to Kim with her face in both hands'')\\
'''Ed''': Venus has the arse, Serena's got the tits.\\
'''Milton:''' ''(miming playing tennis and the same dreadful accent)'' Why do I spend my life... hitting a fuzzy green apple... with a snowshoe?

''(cut to Dara, his hand descending on the buzzer like the judgment of God)''

---->'''Andy''': Santa, that wasn't the sack I wanted emptying.

'''Ed ''': Well, now that I've won Wimbledon, they'll at least stop making fun of me on television.\\

--->'''Hugh:''' Just checking, this isn't live, is it?

--->'''James''': No, ''not'' "calm down", Alfred! Did you hear what they were singin'? "Jingle Bells, ''{{ComicBook/Batman}}. [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Smells]]''!" That's not the original lyric! They wrote that to hurt my feelings!

--> '''Angela:''' [[TakeThat Welcome to Series 22!]]
--> '''Ahir:''' After seventeen years, the greatest [[WillTheyOrWontThey will they, won't they]] in British television history finally comes to an end, as Hugh and Dara finally fuck.\\
'''Hugh:''' ''Vigorously.''
--> '''Rhys:''' Well, now it's time for the final scores! In second place, it's Angela with twelve, and in first place, it's Hugh with ''forty-eight billion and six.''

** '''Ed Byrne''': (''[[OurZombiesAreDifferent Regarding zombies]]'') Should you rather not say [[NotUsingTheZWord 'zombie']], [[PoliticalOvercorrectness the term now is 'differently alive']].

--> '''Ed:''' And the baby fly said to mummy fly, "But where's daddy?"

* The final episode ended with ''Unlikely Lines from Mock the Week'':

--->'''Milton''': From the makers of ''Caca One'' - (''caws twice'') - [[IncrediblyLamePun Caca Two]].\\