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Changed line(s) 378 (click to see context) from:
'''Frasier:''' GET OUT! ''[Niles slams the door behind him]''
to:
'''Frasier:''' GET OUT! {{GET OUT}}! ''[Niles slams the door behind him]''
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Changed line(s) 323 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Frasier:''' Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" was no match for the "Dirt ''Pile'' 1957".
to:
-->'''Frasier:''' Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" was no match for the "Dirt ''Pile'' 1957".\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(annoyed)'' Well, this is going back. On the commercial they cleaned all the mud off a hippopotamus.
'''Daphne:''' ''(annoyed)'' Well, this is going back. On the commercial they cleaned all the mud off a hippopotamus.
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Changed line(s) 139 (click to see context) from:
to:
* The episode ends with Frasier and Niles deciding WhenLifeGivesYouLemons:
-->'''Niles:''' You know, I remember reading that Creator/HenryJames once had a liaison with a Russian prostitute in New York.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm right behind you.\\
''(They clink wine glasses)''
-->'''Niles:''' You know, I remember reading that Creator/HenryJames once had a liaison with a Russian prostitute in New York.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm right behind you.\\
''(They clink wine glasses)''
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Actually, no. The broadcast had the full line. Sounds like you got Bowdlerized
Changed line(s) 122,124 (click to see context) from:
'''Chicken:''' ''[rolls his eyes]'' Would you give it a rest, double wide?! I went to grad school too. And, PS, it's pronounced ''[with French accent]'' "La ROSH-foo-coh".\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]'' THAT'S IT! NO-ONE CORRECTS MY FRENCH PRONUNCIATION, YOU SON OF A- ''[the rest of his line is obscured as he chases the terrified Chicken out of the booth]''
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]'' THAT'S IT! NO-ONE CORRECTS MY FRENCH PRONUNCIATION, YOU SON OF A- ''[the rest of his line is obscured as he chases the terrified Chicken out of the booth]''
to:
'''Chicken:''' ''[rolls his eyes]'' Would you give it a rest, double wide?! Double Wide?! I went to grad school too. And, PS, it's pronounced ''[with French accent]'' "La ROSH-foo-coh".\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]''THAT'S '''THAT'S IT! NO-ONE NO ONE CORRECTS MY FRENCH PRONUNCIATION, YOU SON OF A- ''[the rest of his line is obscured as he chases the terrified Chicken out of the booth]''
A BITCH!'''
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]''
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Changed line(s) 50 (click to see context) from:
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. '''Mum's''' the word.''\\
to:
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. '''Mum's''' the word.''\\\\
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Changed line(s) 39 (click to see context) from:
'''Niles''': It certainly was. Frasier, when it comes to girlfriends, you've certainly struck the ''MOTHERLODE''.\\
to:
'''Niles''': It certainly was. Frasier, when it comes to girlfriends, you've certainly struck the ''MOTHERLODE''.'''MOTHERLODE'''.\\
Changed line(s) 43 (click to see context) from:
'''Niles''': Sounds worthy of ''MOTHER GOOSE''!\\
to:
'''Niles''': Sounds worthy of ''MOTHER GOOSE''!\\'''MOTHER GOOSE'''!\\
Changed line(s) 50 (click to see context) from:
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. ''Mum's the word.''\\
to:
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. ''Mum's '''Mum's''' the word.''\\
Changed line(s) 52 (click to see context) from:
'''Niles:''' Oh dear, it looks like these pants may have to be ''REPRESSED!''\\
to:
'''Niles:''' Oh dear, it looks like these pants may have to be ''REPRESSED!''\\'''REPRESSED!'''\\
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Changed line(s) 885,886 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier trying to figure out his feelings re: Claire or Lana, and the montage of him asking everyone, including Martin, Daphne, and a janitor on the plane home.
** Martin's contribution, supporting Claire, has him pretending to use his [[ItMakesSenseInContext lobster-hypnotising power]] on Frasier.
** Martin's contribution, supporting Claire, has him pretending to use his [[ItMakesSenseInContext lobster-hypnotising power]] on Frasier.
to:
* Frasier trying to figure out his feelings re: Claire or Lana, and the montage of him asking everyone, including Martin, Daphne, and a janitor on the plane home.
**home. Martin's contribution, supporting Claire, has him pretending to use his [[ItMakesSenseInContext lobster-hypnotising power]] on Frasier.
**
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Changed line(s) 886 (click to see context) from:
to:
** Martin's contribution, supporting Claire, has him pretending to use his [[ItMakesSenseInContext lobster-hypnotising power]] on Frasier.
* The other making no secret that they prefer Claire to Lana... except Daphne. Until Frasier dumps her, at which point Claire reveals she wanted to be [=BFs=] with them, cruelly denying Daphne of a potential sister she never had. So Daphne storms back into the apartment and kicks Frasier in the knee.
* The other making no secret that they prefer Claire to Lana... except Daphne. Until Frasier dumps her, at which point Claire reveals she wanted to be [=BFs=] with them, cruelly denying Daphne of a potential sister she never had. So Daphne storms back into the apartment and kicks Frasier in the knee.
Changed line(s) 888,889 (click to see context) from:
* The entirety of the second half, where Frasier, now agonizing over his decisions, heads out for a drive. He soon gets joined by a hallucination of Lilith, followed shortly after by Diane. And then he starts seeing a hallucination of Nanette when he first met her - a young, CuteButCacophonic hippie.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Momma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Momma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
to:
* The entirety of the second half, where Frasier, now agonizing over his decisions, heads out for a drive. He soon gets joined by a hallucination of Lilith, followed shortly after by Diane. And then he starts seeing a hallucination of Nanette when he first met her - a young, CuteButCacophonic hippie.
hippie. Naturally, the three can't stand one another.
-->'''Hallucination!Lilith:''' Amazing that marriage didn't work out.\\
'''Hallucination!Diane:''' ''(on Nanette)'' She was probably great in the sack.\\
'''Nanette:''' Actually, I made a lot of distracting noises.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Momma Mia"),and but the trio are still there.
* Turns out even a hallucination of Diane still acts like her.
-->'''Diane:''' I left [Frasier] for Sam. ''(mournfully)'' I left Sam, too...\\
'''Lilith:''' Diane, we're talking about Frasier. When we're inside your head, we'll talk about you.\\
''(Frasier turns around to see Daphne has already painted a watercolor of Sam)''
* Then the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weighin.in.
-->'''Frasier:''' What are you doing here?\\
'''Lilith:''' You have to ask? You're a Freudian.
* Hallucination Hester sums up the three as "the slacker, the barmaid and the icicle".
* Meanwhile, Hallucination Diane is still nursing a grudge over Hester holding her at gunpoint.
-->'''Hester:''' Oh, again with the paranoia.\\
'''Diane:''' You had a ''gun!''
* When the subject of the real Lilith sleeping with Niles comes up, Diane doesn't help matters by ''approving'' of it.
-->'''Hallucination!Lilith:''' Amazing that marriage didn't work out.\\
'''Hallucination!Diane:''' ''(on Nanette)'' She was probably great in the sack.\\
'''Nanette:''' Actually, I made a lot of distracting noises.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Momma Mia"),
* Turns out even a hallucination of Diane still acts like her.
-->'''Diane:''' I left [Frasier] for Sam. ''(mournfully)'' I left Sam, too...\\
'''Lilith:''' Diane, we're talking about Frasier. When we're inside your head, we'll talk about you.\\
''(Frasier turns around to see Daphne has already painted a watercolor of Sam)''
* Then the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh
-->'''Frasier:''' What are you doing here?\\
'''Lilith:''' You have to ask? You're a Freudian.
* Hallucination Hester sums up the three as "the slacker, the barmaid and the icicle".
* Meanwhile, Hallucination Diane is still nursing a grudge over Hester holding her at gunpoint.
-->'''Hester:''' Oh, again with the paranoia.\\
'''Diane:''' You had a ''gun!''
* When the subject of the real Lilith sleeping with Niles comes up, Diane doesn't help matters by ''approving'' of it.
Changed line(s) 1106 (click to see context) from:
to:
* Frasier, to no-one's surprise, tries telling the doctors how to do their job. They catch on how to handle this quickly: When a nurse sees Frasier doing this, she mentions Niles's doctor gave instructions on what to do if it happened again - leave without another word.
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* The "Fault-finding Flasier" scene.
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Changed line(s) 862 (click to see context) from:
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* The pile-up at the restaurant between Kirby, Lana, Roz, Frasier and Claire.
[[AC:823: A Day in May]]
* The episode begins with Niles arriving at the apartment to go out with Daphne.
-->'''Niles:''' Can you believe she's never been to the botanical gardens?\\
'''Frasier:''' ... didn't Donny take her to the botanical gardens last year?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(thin smile)'' Can you believe she's never been to the botanical gardens?
* Frasier gets worried over leaving his car in Roz's care (since he's a fusspot over his car, and Roz is planning on taking Alice out with some of her friends), so he calls up the auto-service, only to learn that even with the platinum membership he still can't get service... unless he joins the even more expensive ''diamond'' service.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(after Frasier's finished his phone call)'' You're ''not'' part of the diamond circle?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Don't do that.''
[[AC:823: A Day in May]]
* The episode begins with Niles arriving at the apartment to go out with Daphne.
-->'''Niles:''' Can you believe she's never been to the botanical gardens?\\
'''Frasier:''' ... didn't Donny take her to the botanical gardens last year?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(thin smile)'' Can you believe she's never been to the botanical gardens?
* Frasier gets worried over leaving his car in Roz's care (since he's a fusspot over his car, and Roz is planning on taking Alice out with some of her friends), so he calls up the auto-service, only to learn that even with the platinum membership he still can't get service... unless he joins the even more expensive ''diamond'' service.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(after Frasier's finished his phone call)'' You're ''not'' part of the diamond circle?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Don't do that.''
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Changed line(s) 54,55 (click to see context) from:
* TheStinger shows another of Martin's old home movies, in which we see that Frasier and Niles' interest in psychiatry developed very early, but in Frasier's case, his professionalism took rather longer to develop, as Niles lies on the couch in the role of the patient and Frasier, in the role of the therapist, looks at the camera with a smirk and twirls his finger around his ear and points to Niles in the international gesture for "He's ''crazy!''"
to:
* TheStinger TheTag shows another of Martin's old home movies, in which we see that Frasier and Niles' interest in psychiatry developed very early, but in Frasier's case, his professionalism took rather longer to develop, as Niles lies on the couch in the role of the patient and Frasier, in the role of the therapist, looks at the camera with a smirk and twirls his finger around his ear and points to Niles in the international gesture for "He's ''crazy!''"
Changed line(s) 183,184 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier's apartment is flooded with gift baskets before the mistake can be corrected; Martin "accidentally" breaks the wrapping on as many of them as he can so that they can't be returned. In TheStinger, with Niles' forehead still numb, Martin mischievously sticks the bow from one of the gift baskets on him. Niles looks as his watch and hurries out, unaware that his head looks like it belongs under a Christmas tree.
to:
* Frasier's apartment is flooded with gift baskets before the mistake can be corrected; Martin "accidentally" breaks the wrapping on as many of them as he can so that they can't be returned. In TheStinger, TheTag, with Niles' forehead still numb, Martin mischievously sticks the bow from one of the gift baskets on him. Niles looks as his watch and hurries out, unaware that his head looks like it belongs under a Christmas tree.
Changed line(s) 867 (click to see context) from:
* At dinner, Martin gleefully tells a worried Daphne and Niles that the skipper of his fishing boat has a telephoto lens and posts pictures of nude beachgoers in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day" - unaware that his fellow diners have apparently become that day's "catch". In TheStinger, Niles smuggles the picture out of the bait shop in his shirt and shows it to Daphne; the gradual shift in their expressions from shock to self-satisfaction (before they flee the fishing boat skipper, who runs after them with a hammer when he discovers the photo missing) is hilarious.
to:
* At dinner, Martin gleefully tells a worried Daphne and Niles that the skipper of his fishing boat has a telephoto lens and posts pictures of nude beachgoers in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day" - unaware that his fellow diners have apparently become that day's "catch". In TheStinger, TheTag, Niles smuggles the picture out of the bait shop in his shirt and shows it to Daphne; the gradual shift in their expressions from shock to self-satisfaction (before they flee the fishing boat skipper, who runs after them with a hammer when he discovers the photo missing) is hilarious.
Changed line(s) 896,897 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier and Martin finally catch the cricket with the aid of a gecko on a dental floss leash, but the two Cranes, high on the thrill of the hunt, reason that crickets only chirp to attract mates, so there must be a second cricket in the apartment, and they must release the gecko again. In TheStinger, as Frasier and Martin compete to see who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at once (a CallBack to the episode's first scene, in which Martin revealed that Duke can fit 27 marshmallows in his mouth), the camera pans to the end of the dental floss leash to reveal that Eddie has eaten the gecko.
to:
* Frasier and Martin finally catch the cricket with the aid of a gecko on a dental floss leash, but the two Cranes, high on the thrill of the hunt, reason that crickets only chirp to attract mates, so there must be a second cricket in the apartment, and they must release the gecko again. In TheStinger, TheTag, as Frasier and Martin compete to see who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at once (a CallBack to the episode's first scene, in which Martin revealed that Duke can fit 27 marshmallows in his mouth), the camera pans to the end of the dental floss leash to reveal that Eddie has eaten the gecko.
Changed line(s) 1056,1057 (click to see context) from:
* In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
to:
* In TheStinger, TheTag, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
Changed line(s) 1142,1143 (click to see context) from:
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.
to:
** In TheStinger, TheTag, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.
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* Martin suggests that Frasier's anger is born of jealousy that Niles is in a relationship and Frasier is not. Frasier rubbishes the idea at first, but is forced to admit Martin is right. Daphne has a... creative suggestion for his dating drought:
-->'''Frasier:''' I am not jealous, Dad, I am simply ''appalled'' by his rudeness, I was looking forward to this evening! ''[holds up his glass of sherry]'' Nice drink. Lovely opera. Then a late supper... ''[his tone starts to shift from defiance to despair]'' Perhaps a beautiful bottle of wine... a delightful... desert soufflé... oh, God, I need a woman...\\
'''Daphne:''' Remember my friend Rowena? She's ''much'' prettier since her surgery. You look at her face and you can't even tell where it used to be![[note]] The original version of this line was "You look at her face and you can't even tell where the extra one was!"[[/note]]
-->'''Frasier:''' I am not jealous, Dad, I am simply ''appalled'' by his rudeness, I was looking forward to this evening! ''[holds up his glass of sherry]'' Nice drink. Lovely opera. Then a late supper... ''[his tone starts to shift from defiance to despair]'' Perhaps a beautiful bottle of wine... a delightful... desert soufflé... oh, God, I need a woman...\\
'''Daphne:''' Remember my friend Rowena? She's ''much'' prettier since her surgery. You look at her face and you can't even tell where it used to be![[note]] The original version of this line was "You look at her face and you can't even tell where the extra one was!"[[/note]]
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Changed line(s) 54 (click to see context) from:
to:
* TheStinger shows another of Martin's old home movies, in which we see that Frasier and Niles' interest in psychiatry developed very early, but in Frasier's case, his professionalism took rather longer to develop, as Niles lies on the couch in the role of the patient and Frasier, in the role of the therapist, looks at the camera with a smirk and twirls his finger around his ear and points to Niles in the international gesture for "He's ''crazy!''"
Changed line(s) 57 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
to:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's Donny's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
Changed line(s) 59,60 (click to see context) from:
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
to:
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie Donny on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' '''Donny:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
Changed line(s) 875 (click to see context) from:
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Mamma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
to:
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Mamma "Momma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
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[[AC:1008: Rooms with a View]]
* Though this episode is one of the series' most downbeat as Niles goes in for open heart surgery, it still finds time for humour, starting with Niles reading cards from well-wishers.
-->'''Niles:''' ''[to Daphne]'' Oh, this one's from your mom! ''[opens the envelope and shows Daphne the picture]'' Kitten in a basket of yarn. ''[reads]'' "Dear Niles, I know we haven't always gotten along..." ''[scans the rest of the card, turns it over, and looks in the envelope, but apparently that's it]'' Isn't that sweet.
* Frasier is especially put out that Niles has received a bouquet of chrysanthemums from Jaime, their squash valet, as when he had the 'flu, he didn't get so much as a card.
-->'''Niles:''' You didn't ''have'' the 'flu, you barely had the sniffles!\\
'''Frasier:''' I almost threw up! Who knows, mums might have been just the thing to cheer me up! Guess we'll never know now, will we?\\
'''Roz:''' I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, I'm pretty used to him by now.
* The anaesthetist offers Niles a mild sedative before he goes into the operating room; he declines, but then the phone in his room rings, and the ensuing conversation makes him change his mind very quickly:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[into phone]'' Hello?... Can I ask who's calling?... Just a minute, please. ''[covers the mouthpiece, whispering]'' It's Maris, d'you want me to make up an excuse?\\
'''Niles:''' Uh - no, that's okay, I'll talk to her. ''[Daphne brings him the phone]'' Thank you. ''[into phone]'' Hello?... Well, yes, uh, how'd you hear?... Ahhh. Jaime is a bit of a gossip. ''[Frasier is unamused]'' Luckily, they discovered the blockage before I had a, a major event... well, thank you... That ''wasn't'' the nurse, that was my wife... Yes, Daphne. Uh, we were married a couple of months ago. ''[he takes Daphne's hand]'' No, well, uh, it's not really my fault you didn't know, uh, it sounds to me like your argument is with Jaime. ''[Frasier shakes his head]'' Well, if it makes you feel any better, we didn't invite anyone. ''[covers the mouthpiece]'' Dr. Ling? ''[mouths "Give me the drugs" while miming giving an injection]'' Uh-huh... uh-huh... well, yes, of course we invited him, uh, he's my brother... Yes, uh, Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. ''[covers the mouthpiece]'' Keep it coming.
* As Niles is wheeled in for surgery, he wonders if hospitals have memories, remembering all the people who have been born or treated for illnesses or injuries there. It seems the answer is "Yes", as we see assorted flashbacks of the core quintet visiting the hospital. The funniest moments involve young Frasier and Niles, including a pre-school-aged Frasier reacting to a newborn Niles with an emphatic "I don't like him!" and a pre-teen Frasier trying to buy an elementary school-aged Niles' silence regarding a fall down a flight of stairs.
-->'''Young Frasier:''' As far as Dad knows, I had ''nothing'' to do with your leg breaking, right?\\
'''Young Niles:''' ''[arms folded]'' You pushed me.\\
'''Young Frasier:''' Yes. And in exchange for my silence, you'll get ten of my records. Any ones you want.\\
'''Young Niles:''' Even the [[Music/DmitriShostakovich Shostakovich]]?\\
'''Young Frasier:''' ''[horrified]'' Not that one!\\
'''Young Niles:''' ''[huffily]'' Then forget it.\\
'''Young Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' Okay, fine. ''[unfolds a piece of paper and hands Niles a pen]'' Sign here, and... initial here.
* As Frasier, Daphne, Roz, and Martin wait for updates on Niles' surgery, Martin notices a Chunky bar in the vending machine, and says he hasn't had one in years. Getting change for the machine proves difficult, but he finally succeeds, leading to a pair of puns on the name:
-->''[Frasier is getting a drink from the water fountain as Martin walks past]''\\
'''Martin:''' Well, ''hello'', Chunky!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[offended]'' I beg your pardon!?\\
''[later, after the Chunky gets stuck on its way down and Frasier tries to reach in and pull it out]''\\
'''Roz:''' What is going on?!\\
'''Martin:''' We have a stuck Chunky.\\
'''Roz:''' Well, why did Chunky stick his arm in there!?
* Though this episode is one of the series' most downbeat as Niles goes in for open heart surgery, it still finds time for humour, starting with Niles reading cards from well-wishers.
-->'''Niles:''' ''[to Daphne]'' Oh, this one's from your mom! ''[opens the envelope and shows Daphne the picture]'' Kitten in a basket of yarn. ''[reads]'' "Dear Niles, I know we haven't always gotten along..." ''[scans the rest of the card, turns it over, and looks in the envelope, but apparently that's it]'' Isn't that sweet.
* Frasier is especially put out that Niles has received a bouquet of chrysanthemums from Jaime, their squash valet, as when he had the 'flu, he didn't get so much as a card.
-->'''Niles:''' You didn't ''have'' the 'flu, you barely had the sniffles!\\
'''Frasier:''' I almost threw up! Who knows, mums might have been just the thing to cheer me up! Guess we'll never know now, will we?\\
'''Roz:''' I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, I'm pretty used to him by now.
* The anaesthetist offers Niles a mild sedative before he goes into the operating room; he declines, but then the phone in his room rings, and the ensuing conversation makes him change his mind very quickly:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[into phone]'' Hello?... Can I ask who's calling?... Just a minute, please. ''[covers the mouthpiece, whispering]'' It's Maris, d'you want me to make up an excuse?\\
'''Niles:''' Uh - no, that's okay, I'll talk to her. ''[Daphne brings him the phone]'' Thank you. ''[into phone]'' Hello?... Well, yes, uh, how'd you hear?... Ahhh. Jaime is a bit of a gossip. ''[Frasier is unamused]'' Luckily, they discovered the blockage before I had a, a major event... well, thank you... That ''wasn't'' the nurse, that was my wife... Yes, Daphne. Uh, we were married a couple of months ago. ''[he takes Daphne's hand]'' No, well, uh, it's not really my fault you didn't know, uh, it sounds to me like your argument is with Jaime. ''[Frasier shakes his head]'' Well, if it makes you feel any better, we didn't invite anyone. ''[covers the mouthpiece]'' Dr. Ling? ''[mouths "Give me the drugs" while miming giving an injection]'' Uh-huh... uh-huh... well, yes, of course we invited him, uh, he's my brother... Yes, uh, Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. ''[covers the mouthpiece]'' Keep it coming.
* As Niles is wheeled in for surgery, he wonders if hospitals have memories, remembering all the people who have been born or treated for illnesses or injuries there. It seems the answer is "Yes", as we see assorted flashbacks of the core quintet visiting the hospital. The funniest moments involve young Frasier and Niles, including a pre-school-aged Frasier reacting to a newborn Niles with an emphatic "I don't like him!" and a pre-teen Frasier trying to buy an elementary school-aged Niles' silence regarding a fall down a flight of stairs.
-->'''Young Frasier:''' As far as Dad knows, I had ''nothing'' to do with your leg breaking, right?\\
'''Young Niles:''' ''[arms folded]'' You pushed me.\\
'''Young Frasier:''' Yes. And in exchange for my silence, you'll get ten of my records. Any ones you want.\\
'''Young Niles:''' Even the [[Music/DmitriShostakovich Shostakovich]]?\\
'''Young Frasier:''' ''[horrified]'' Not that one!\\
'''Young Niles:''' ''[huffily]'' Then forget it.\\
'''Young Frasier:''' ''[sighs]'' Okay, fine. ''[unfolds a piece of paper and hands Niles a pen]'' Sign here, and... initial here.
* As Frasier, Daphne, Roz, and Martin wait for updates on Niles' surgery, Martin notices a Chunky bar in the vending machine, and says he hasn't had one in years. Getting change for the machine proves difficult, but he finally succeeds, leading to a pair of puns on the name:
-->''[Frasier is getting a drink from the water fountain as Martin walks past]''\\
'''Martin:''' Well, ''hello'', Chunky!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[offended]'' I beg your pardon!?\\
''[later, after the Chunky gets stuck on its way down and Frasier tries to reach in and pull it out]''\\
'''Roz:''' What is going on?!\\
'''Martin:''' We have a stuck Chunky.\\
'''Roz:''' Well, why did Chunky stick his arm in there!?
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Changed line(s) 806 (click to see context) from:
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* In the "suit" path, Frasier sprains his arm, but attracts a cute klutz. In celebration, he starts dancing in his apartment, while Martin and Daphne are there. The dancing itself must be seen to be believed, but Martin and Daphne can't stand it - they flee to [=McGinty's=].
* Later that night, Daphne accidentally sets off one of Niles's many allergies trying to make a romantic meal for him. The result is a screaming row, for a while...
-->'''Daphne:''' Now I'm going to have to spend the whole night rubbing lotion all over you!\\
''(Daphne suddenly stops dead and turns to look at Niles, who has stopped scratching himself)''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm sorry I yelled at you.\\
''(the two hurry toward one another and hug)''
* Later that night, Daphne accidentally sets off one of Niles's many allergies trying to make a romantic meal for him. The result is a screaming row, for a while...
-->'''Daphne:''' Now I'm going to have to spend the whole night rubbing lotion all over you!\\
''(Daphne suddenly stops dead and turns to look at Niles, who has stopped scratching himself)''\\
'''Niles:''' I'm sorry I yelled at you.\\
''(the two hurry toward one another and hug)''
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Changed line(s) 704 (click to see context) from:
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* The climax of the RunningGag of Frasier yelling at Niles every time he does something toward Daphne. Daphne asks Frasier to clear Martin out of the apartment, so she can tell Niles she loves him, while Niles has just told Martin he married Mel last night. Frasier hurries Martin out of the apartment before he can tell Frasier, so he has to tell him in the elevator. As a result, Frasier bails out and rushes up the stairs back to his apartment, resulting in him bursting into the room before Daphne or Niles can tell one another anything, and bellowing "NILES!" at the top of his lungs.
Added DiffLines:
[[AC:810: Cranes Unplugged]]
* While Freddie's visiting, he's chatting with a friend who mentions something on TV, prompting Freddie to ask Martin to change the channel.
-->'''Martin:''' ''(over the sound of hip-hop playing)'' Aw, jeez, what is this? They're half nude. That's just not right.\\
'''Freddie:''' ''(as Martin gets out his glasses)'' I saw this one already.
* When Freddie brushes off Frasier, Martin is still enthralled.
-->'''Martin:''' I've never seen such dancing... what do you think their shorts are made of?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(equally entranced)'' Some sort of... steel mesh. ''(starts to tilt his head)'' WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!
* Martin suggests Freddie's behaviour is just typical.
-->'''Martin:''' Kids that age never want to talk to their dad.\\
'''Frasier:''' What are you talking about? I never stop talking to you.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(long-suffering)'' I know, buddy.
* Daphne apparently flirting with Niles's squash partner, much to Niles's confusion, prompting him to ask, once the man's gone "what's going on? I think I'm having some kind of stroke!"
* Freddie revealing he's no longer got feelings for Daphne, to Niles.
-->'''Freddie:''' I liked her when I was a little kid. I'm over it now. I mean, she's like a hundred.\\
'''Niles:''' She most certainly is not. It just burns you up that ''I'' got her -\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles!
* Frasier, prompted by his distance from Freddie and Martin recounting his own childhood behaviour, decides all three generations of Cranes will go on a camping trip.
-->'''Frasier:''' There will be no electronics, there will be no distractions. Just three generations of Cranes. cooking over a fire and sleeping under the stars! We leave at daybreak!\\
''(Freddie shakes his head)''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(childishly)'' Good work, Freddie!
* While Freddie's visiting, he's chatting with a friend who mentions something on TV, prompting Freddie to ask Martin to change the channel.
-->'''Martin:''' ''(over the sound of hip-hop playing)'' Aw, jeez, what is this? They're half nude. That's just not right.\\
'''Freddie:''' ''(as Martin gets out his glasses)'' I saw this one already.
* When Freddie brushes off Frasier, Martin is still enthralled.
-->'''Martin:''' I've never seen such dancing... what do you think their shorts are made of?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(equally entranced)'' Some sort of... steel mesh. ''(starts to tilt his head)'' WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING?!
* Martin suggests Freddie's behaviour is just typical.
-->'''Martin:''' Kids that age never want to talk to their dad.\\
'''Frasier:''' What are you talking about? I never stop talking to you.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(long-suffering)'' I know, buddy.
* Daphne apparently flirting with Niles's squash partner, much to Niles's confusion, prompting him to ask, once the man's gone "what's going on? I think I'm having some kind of stroke!"
* Freddie revealing he's no longer got feelings for Daphne, to Niles.
-->'''Freddie:''' I liked her when I was a little kid. I'm over it now. I mean, she's like a hundred.\\
'''Niles:''' She most certainly is not. It just burns you up that ''I'' got her -\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles!
* Frasier, prompted by his distance from Freddie and Martin recounting his own childhood behaviour, decides all three generations of Cranes will go on a camping trip.
-->'''Frasier:''' There will be no electronics, there will be no distractions. Just three generations of Cranes. cooking over a fire and sleeping under the stars! We leave at daybreak!\\
''(Freddie shakes his head)''\\
'''Martin:''' ''(childishly)'' Good work, Freddie!
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[[AC:802: And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon, Part 2]]
Changed line(s) 716 (click to see context) from:
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-->'''Martin:''' In a few weeks time, I'm gonna look like a genius.
Added DiffLines:
[[AC:809: Frasier's Edge]]
* Dr. Tewkesbury, faced with a despondent Frasier, has to reassure his wife he won't be late for dinner.
-->'''Dr. Tewkesbury:''' One of my former students is having a minor crisis. I'll be there in half an hour.\\
'''Frasier:''' WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!\\
'''Dr. Tewkesbury:''' ... make it an hour.
* As part of a running subplot of Daphne's ongoing weight-gain problem, Roz brings up her concerns to Martin, who expresses his approach in his own way:
-->'''Martin:''' Timing is very delicate in something like this, Roz. I thought I'd wait until after she gets too big to catch me but before she needs the motorized scooter.
* Gil expects to win a [=SeaBee=] for his show, only to find that not only did he not win, the two other candidates get to share the reward. He doesn't take it well.
-->'''Roz:''' Oh, come on, Gil, isn't it enough just to be nominated?\\
'''Gil:''' ''(venomously)'' You tell me, Miss Three-Time-Loser!
* Frasier refuting Dr. Tewkesbury's analysis, that his behaviour stems from developmental issues.
-->'''Frasier:''' I am not an eight year old... ''(as childishly as possible)'' And you are not my mentor anymore!
* Dr. Tewkesbury, faced with a despondent Frasier, has to reassure his wife he won't be late for dinner.
-->'''Dr. Tewkesbury:''' One of my former students is having a minor crisis. I'll be there in half an hour.\\
'''Frasier:''' WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!\\
'''Dr. Tewkesbury:''' ... make it an hour.
* As part of a running subplot of Daphne's ongoing weight-gain problem, Roz brings up her concerns to Martin, who expresses his approach in his own way:
-->'''Martin:''' Timing is very delicate in something like this, Roz. I thought I'd wait until after she gets too big to catch me but before she needs the motorized scooter.
* Gil expects to win a [=SeaBee=] for his show, only to find that not only did he not win, the two other candidates get to share the reward. He doesn't take it well.
-->'''Roz:''' Oh, come on, Gil, isn't it enough just to be nominated?\\
'''Gil:''' ''(venomously)'' You tell me, Miss Three-Time-Loser!
* Frasier refuting Dr. Tewkesbury's analysis, that his behaviour stems from developmental issues.
-->'''Frasier:''' I am not an eight year old... ''(as childishly as possible)'' And you are not my mentor anymore!
Added DiffLines:
[[AC:820: The Wizard and Roz]]
* Frasier, trying to have a conversation with Dr. Tewkesbury after having seen him in Roz's apartment, keeps seeing him in Roz's pink bathrobe.
* Frasier, trying to have a conversation with Dr. Tewkesbury after having seen him in Roz's apartment, keeps seeing him in Roz's pink bathrobe.
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Changed line(s) 729 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier redesigning his apartment after new KACL owner Todd takes a shine to it and imitates it exactly. At the end of the following montage, Frasier has gotten rid of everything in his apartment except Martin's chair. Then Todd shows up to say his apartment is getting media coverage. A horrified Frasier tries to sit down, only [[HoistByTheirOwnPetard there's a problem there]]...
to:
* Frasier redesigning his apartment after new KACL owner Todd takes a shine to it and imitates it exactly. At the end of the following montage, a despondent Frasier has gotten rid of everything in his apartment except Martin's chair. Then Then, just as Martin's reassured him, Todd shows up to say his apartment is getting media coverage.coverage from ''Architectural Digest''. A horrified Frasier tries to sit down, only [[HoistByTheirOwnPetard there's a problem there]]...
Changed line(s) 731 (click to see context) from:
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-->'''Andrew:''' ''(refilling his wine glass)'' I'm a little dry.\\
''(Mel coughs)''\\
'''Niles:''' Dry? I know that's not your liver speaking.\\
''(Andrew stares in shock, and the other guests look awkward)''\\
'''Mel:''' Niles, we just discussed you were not going to bring that up.\\
'''Niles:''' Well I did so there. ''(Mel kicks him)'' And I'll say it again. You're probably seeing two of me, so you might as well hear me twice! You, sir, are a complete... drunk!\\
'''Andrew:''' ''(sadly)'' Niles, how could you-?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(gestures at Mel)'' Well...\\
'''Andrew:''' How could you know? I thought I was hiding it so well. I have a problem. It's time I face it.\\
'''Guest:''' I've been meaning to say something, but I didn't have the courage.\\
'''Other guest:''' Not like Niles. You're a ''good'' person.\\
''(Niles cringes)''\\
'''Andrew:''' I'm getting help, first thing tomorrow. ''(to his wife)'' I'm so sorry, baby.\\
''(the couple hold hands)''\\
'''Margaret:''' Thank you for giving me my husband back. Mel, darling, you married an angel.\\
'''Mel:''' ''(with a forced smile)'' Don't I know it.
''(Mel coughs)''\\
'''Niles:''' Dry? I know that's not your liver speaking.\\
''(Andrew stares in shock, and the other guests look awkward)''\\
'''Mel:''' Niles, we just discussed you were not going to bring that up.\\
'''Niles:''' Well I did so there. ''(Mel kicks him)'' And I'll say it again. You're probably seeing two of me, so you might as well hear me twice! You, sir, are a complete... drunk!\\
'''Andrew:''' ''(sadly)'' Niles, how could you-?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(gestures at Mel)'' Well...\\
'''Andrew:''' How could you know? I thought I was hiding it so well. I have a problem. It's time I face it.\\
'''Guest:''' I've been meaning to say something, but I didn't have the courage.\\
'''Other guest:''' Not like Niles. You're a ''good'' person.\\
''(Niles cringes)''\\
'''Andrew:''' I'm getting help, first thing tomorrow. ''(to his wife)'' I'm so sorry, baby.\\
''(the couple hold hands)''\\
'''Margaret:''' Thank you for giving me my husband back. Mel, darling, you married an angel.\\
'''Mel:''' ''(with a forced smile)'' Don't I know it.
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* Daphne, hearing about Niles's new skills, starts moving valuables out of the way.
-->'''Daphne:''' You know, I just remembered the Chihuly needs a good dusting.\\
''(Frasier walks into the room)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Daphne, I thought you cleaned that yesterday.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, did I?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, hello Niles. What brings you here?\\
'''Niles:''' I'm here to demonstrate my newly acquired ''feet'' ''(does a flying kick)'' of horrible fury!\\
'''Frasier:''' ... carry on, Daphne.
* Frasier is concerned about confronting Mary's attitude while she's guest-producing his show. Marty has his own opinion about why - she's black and Frasier's overly concerned about being seen as racist.
-->'''Frasier:''' She's just starting out, I didn't want to squelch her enthusiasm.\\
'''Martin:''' Because she's black.\\
'''Frasier:''' No - Dad, please, will you just stop saying that? ''(Martin throws up his hand in apology)'' Anyway, I just have to deal with it for a week till Roz gets back.\\
'''Martin:''' Black.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Stop it!''
-->'''Daphne:''' You know, I just remembered the Chihuly needs a good dusting.\\
''(Frasier walks into the room)''\\
'''Frasier:''' Daphne, I thought you cleaned that yesterday.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, did I?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, hello Niles. What brings you here?\\
'''Niles:''' I'm here to demonstrate my newly acquired ''feet'' ''(does a flying kick)'' of horrible fury!\\
'''Frasier:''' ... carry on, Daphne.
* Frasier is concerned about confronting Mary's attitude while she's guest-producing his show. Marty has his own opinion about why - she's black and Frasier's overly concerned about being seen as racist.
-->'''Frasier:''' She's just starting out, I didn't want to squelch her enthusiasm.\\
'''Martin:''' Because she's black.\\
'''Frasier:''' No - Dad, please, will you just stop saying that? ''(Martin throws up his hand in apology)'' Anyway, I just have to deal with it for a week till Roz gets back.\\
'''Martin:''' Black.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Stop it!''
Changed line(s) 445 (click to see context) from:
* Niles suggesting to Frasier that, if he's so concerned about appearing racist towards Mary while confronting her, they try and roleplay how he'd handle the suggestion, with Frasier playing Mary. Niles's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck realization]] when Frasier, a white man in his forties, starts acting like a SassyBlackWoman is just the start of it.
to:
* Niles suggesting to Frasier that, if he's so concerned about appearing racist towards Mary while confronting her, just choose his words more carefully. An indignant Frasier suggests they try and roleplay how he'd handle the suggestion, with Frasier playing Mary. such a scenario, leading to Niles's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck realization]] when Frasier, a white man in his forties, starts acting like a SassyBlackWoman SassyBlackWoman, which is just the start of it.it.
-->'''Frasier:''' Are you saying I should choose my words more carefully?\\
'''Niles:''' Exactly.\\
'''Frasier:''' Fine, fine. Just exactly how would that go? Why don't you play me, and I'll be Mary?\\
'''Niles:''' Alright. Uh, Mary?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(bobbing head)'' Frasier?\\
'''Niles:''' ''([[ThisIsGonnaSuck pauses, as he realizes where this is going]])'' I've, uh, been meaning to speak to you. Uh, people listen to the show for my expertise.\\
'''Frasier:''' So my opinion's not worth anything?\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I'm the one with the medical degree. Alright, now I want you to contribute, but up to a point.\\
'''Frasier:''' So you want me to stay in my place, ''massah''?\\
''(Niles and Martin shift in discomfort)''\\
'''Niles:''' She's not going to say "massah".\\
'''Frasier:''' What, am I getting too uppity for you, you sherry-swillin', opera-lovin', Armani-wearin' elitist? ''(wagging his finger)'' You have no idea how difficult it is for a black woman in a white man's world!\\
'''Niles:''' ... Frasier -\\
'''Frasier:''' ''I don't think so!''
-->'''Frasier:''' Are you saying I should choose my words more carefully?\\
'''Niles:''' Exactly.\\
'''Frasier:''' Fine, fine. Just exactly how would that go? Why don't you play me, and I'll be Mary?\\
'''Niles:''' Alright. Uh, Mary?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(bobbing head)'' Frasier?\\
'''Niles:''' ''([[ThisIsGonnaSuck pauses, as he realizes where this is going]])'' I've, uh, been meaning to speak to you. Uh, people listen to the show for my expertise.\\
'''Frasier:''' So my opinion's not worth anything?\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I'm the one with the medical degree. Alright, now I want you to contribute, but up to a point.\\
'''Frasier:''' So you want me to stay in my place, ''massah''?\\
''(Niles and Martin shift in discomfort)''\\
'''Niles:''' She's not going to say "massah".\\
'''Frasier:''' What, am I getting too uppity for you, you sherry-swillin', opera-lovin', Armani-wearin' elitist? ''(wagging his finger)'' You have no idea how difficult it is for a black woman in a white man's world!\\
'''Niles:''' ... Frasier -\\
'''Frasier:''' ''I don't think so!''
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Changed line(s) 572 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use the prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's initial reaction when the attempt to cut the chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
to:
* Frasier giving Martin decides to take charge of hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party, and she arrives at Frasier's apartment in costume as a policewoman. When Daphne (who doesn't like the idea of Donny having a stereotypical "alcohol and strippers" bachelor party) happens upon the stripper, Frasier [[StripperCopConfusion claims she really is a policewoman]] named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it.
* As part of his attempt to divert Daphne's attention, Frasier claims "Officer Nasty" is considering leaving the force and taking over Daphne's housekeeping duties, so he takes her into his bedroom... and starts giving her pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she usethe her prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's initial reaction when the attempt to cut the chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
* As part of his attempt to divert Daphne's attention, Frasier claims "Officer Nasty" is considering leaving the force and taking over Daphne's housekeeping duties, so he takes her into his bedroom... and starts giving her pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use
Changed line(s) 575,577 (click to see context) from:
* When Daphne happens upon the stripper, Frasier (trying to keep Daphne from finding out he's hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party) [[StripperCopConfusion claims she really is a policewoman]] named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it. When she finds out the truth, she gasps, "Officer Nasty!" in horror.
* Due to a pile-up of circumstances involving Maris, Mel, a neighbour Frasier had been trying to court, and the stripper, Frasier eventually ends up confessing the truth. The capper is that he asks if his neighbour would want to date him at that point, and the stripper (named Dinah) chimes in that ''she'' would.
* Due to a pile-up of circumstances involving Maris, Mel, a neighbour Frasier had been trying to court, and the stripper, Frasier eventually ends up confessing the truth. The capper is that he asks if his neighbour would want to date him at that point, and the stripper (named Dinah) chimes in that ''she'' would.
to:
* When Daphne happens upon The third act of the stripper, Frasier (trying to keep Daphne from finding out he's hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party) [[StripperCopConfusion claims she really episode is a policewoman]] named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it. When she finds out the truth, she gasps, "Officer Nasty!" in horror.
* Due to aone long, hilarious pile-up of circumstances involving Maris, Mel, a neighbour that make it more and more difficult for Frasier had been trying to court, and hide the stripper, Dinah, from the many people he doesn't want to see him in this situation.
** First, Niles and a very distraught Mel arrive; after having seen a photo of Niles and Mel in the society pages, Maris has claimed that her sudden weight gain was caused by a nicked thyroid gland during a neck tuck, and Mel is already losing patients. Mel asks Daphne for a massage to relieve her stress; Daphne, who is suffering a splitting headache herself, only agrees for Niles' sake. Once they are out of the room, there is a hammering at the door - it's Maris, who now has a weight advantage over Mel. Frasier, alarmed at the thought of Maris adding him to the list of people whose reputations she is currently dragging through the mud, hides in the powder room until Martin tells them the coast is clear.
--->'''Martin:''' My God, have you seen Maris!?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, Dad, I know. Did Niles calm her down?\\
'''Martin:''' Yeah, he took her to your room, but he had to butter her up a little.\\
'''Frasier:''' I was afraid that narrow doorway might pose a problem.
** But as soon as Frasiereventually ends up confessing tries to exit the truth. The capper is that apartment, he asks if runs into his neighbour would want Regan, who has been expressing interest in making another go of their relationship despite the setbacks in "Rivals" and "The Late Dr. Crane" but who last saw Frasier with his blazer shut in the box from which he bought a pornographic newspaper. Frasier continues to date make a horrible impression when he is forced to shut the door on the handcuff chain with himself outside and Dinah inside... which means he can't help Regan when she drops a bag of groceries all over the floor. He tries to claim he has a bad back and retreats into the apartment... just as Mel and Daphne return, leaving him at just enough time to hide Dinah but not himself in the powder room. Then Niles walks out of the kitchen with a large stack of junk food...
--->'''Mel:''' Niles, where are you going with all thatpoint, food?\\
'''Niles:''' Ehm, Dad is not feeling well, so I thought I'd bring him some comfort food. ''[heads across the living room]'' And, uh, by the way, if anyone's going out, Dad specifically requested something called a "chalupa".[[note]] A south central Mexican dish; at the time this episode aired, American fast food chain Taco Bell had just started selling a US-flavoured take on the dish.[[/note]]
** As Niles leaves, there is a knock at the door; unable to reveal Dinah in front of the ladies, Frasier asks an incredulous Daphne to open the door even though he is nearly twenty feet closer to it. It's Regan, who wants to help with Frasier's "back pain", and soon Mel and Daphne are offering their own suggestions, and finally Frasier decides he's had enough...
--->'''Regan:''' I was concerned about your back.\\
'''Daphne:''' You hurt your back?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, no, just a, a, a spasm. See, leaning against the wall like this, it actually feels a lot better.\\
'''Mel:''' Is it upper back or lower?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TakeAThirdOption Middle, actually,]] uh, if you could all just leave me alone, really, I'm fine right here.\\
'''Daphne:''' Why don't we just get you onto the couch. ''[tries to take Frasier by the elbow]''\\
'''Frasier:''' No no no! No, please. Please. I, I know what I'm doing.\\
'''Regan:''' We'll each take a side.\\
'''Frasier:''' NO! STOP!\\
'''Mel:''' Frasier, it could be a thoracic strain.\\
'''Daphne:''' Or a bulging disc.\\
'''Regan:''' Yes! Impinging on your lumbar nerves.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[running out of patience]'' Yes! It could easily be any one of those things! But did you also consider that it ''might'' be... '''the stripper(named Dinah) chimes in chained to my wrist!''' ''[opens the powder room door to reveal Dinah, who waves sheepishly; Mel and Regan are stunned, Daphne even more so]''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''Officer Nasty!''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[{{Facepalm}}s]'' Everyone... this is Dinah. ''[Mel and Regan force polite smiles of greeting]'' You see, this all happened because I was trying to prove that''she'' would.
I'm a, a normal guy, capable of doing normal guy things like throw a bachelor party, ''[Daphne gets a DisapprovingLook and folds her arms]'' and, Daphne, Donny didn't know anything about it so I wish you'd just lighten up! ''[Daphne is unmoved]'' Regan, I, I can't even imagine where this must put us. I guess it's just time I accept the fact that things will never work out between us. You're certainly not to blame. After today, I can't see that any woman would even want to go out with me.\\
'''Dinah:''' I think... ''I'' would.\\
''[a triumphant grin slowly spreads across Frasier's face as Daphne, Mel, and Regan are left in stunned silence]''
* Due to a
** First, Niles and a very distraught Mel arrive; after having seen a photo of Niles and Mel in the society pages, Maris has claimed that her sudden weight gain was caused by a nicked thyroid gland during a neck tuck, and Mel is already losing patients. Mel asks Daphne for a massage to relieve her stress; Daphne, who is suffering a splitting headache herself, only agrees for Niles' sake. Once they are out of the room, there is a hammering at the door - it's Maris, who now has a weight advantage over Mel. Frasier, alarmed at the thought of Maris adding him to the list of people whose reputations she is currently dragging through the mud, hides in the powder room until Martin tells them the coast is clear.
--->'''Martin:''' My God, have you seen Maris!?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, Dad, I know. Did Niles calm her down?\\
'''Martin:''' Yeah, he took her to your room, but he had to butter her up a little.\\
'''Frasier:''' I was afraid that narrow doorway might pose a problem.
** But as soon as Frasier
--->'''Mel:''' Niles, where are you going with all that
'''Niles:''' Ehm, Dad is not feeling well, so I thought I'd bring him some comfort food. ''[heads across the living room]'' And, uh, by the way, if anyone's going out, Dad specifically requested something called a "chalupa".[[note]] A south central Mexican dish; at the time this episode aired, American fast food chain Taco Bell had just started selling a US-flavoured take on the dish.[[/note]]
** As Niles leaves, there is a knock at the door; unable to reveal Dinah in front of the ladies, Frasier asks an incredulous Daphne to open the door even though he is nearly twenty feet closer to it. It's Regan, who wants to help with Frasier's "back pain", and soon Mel and Daphne are offering their own suggestions, and finally Frasier decides he's had enough...
--->'''Regan:''' I was concerned about your back.\\
'''Daphne:''' You hurt your back?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, no, just a, a, a spasm. See, leaning against the wall like this, it actually feels a lot better.\\
'''Mel:''' Is it upper back or lower?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TakeAThirdOption Middle, actually,]] uh, if you could all just leave me alone, really, I'm fine right here.\\
'''Daphne:''' Why don't we just get you onto the couch. ''[tries to take Frasier by the elbow]''\\
'''Frasier:''' No no no! No, please. Please. I, I know what I'm doing.\\
'''Regan:''' We'll each take a side.\\
'''Frasier:''' NO! STOP!\\
'''Mel:''' Frasier, it could be a thoracic strain.\\
'''Daphne:''' Or a bulging disc.\\
'''Regan:''' Yes! Impinging on your lumbar nerves.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[running out of patience]'' Yes! It could easily be any one of those things! But did you also consider that it ''might'' be... '''the stripper
'''Daphne:''' ''Officer Nasty!''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[{{Facepalm}}s]'' Everyone... this is Dinah. ''[Mel and Regan force polite smiles of greeting]'' You see, this all happened because I was trying to prove that
'''Dinah:''' I think... ''I'' would.\\
''[a triumphant grin slowly spreads across Frasier's face as Daphne, Mel, and Regan are left in stunned silence]''
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Changed line(s) 342,344 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier gives this winning line to Niles about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
* Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and burns his hand on a hot pan handle. She rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump back from Niles, denying anything has happened... and then picking up an ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look at the time, I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put something cold on his hand - and places a can of beer on his open palm.
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
* Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and burns his hand on a hot pan handle. She rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump back from Niles, denying anything has happened... and then picking up an ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look at the time, I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put something cold on his hand - and places a can of beer on his open palm.
to:
* With Frasier gives this winning line to Niles about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
*busy all day, Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and Mel:
** At first, the atmosphere is easy-going, with the two having as good a rapport in the kitchen as they've ever had, leading to a great line from Daphne:
--->'''Daphne:''' I haven't had this much fun in the kitchen since your brother caught his tie in the pasta machine!
** But things take a turn for the bizarre when Niles burns his hand on a hot pan handle.She Daphne rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump in...
--->'''Martin:''' Hey, what's up?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[jumping back from Niles,denying speaking at double speed]'' Nothing! Why should anything has happened... be up? Dr. Crane burnt his hand and then picking I was tending to it, that's all! Oh my. ''[picks up an the ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look timer'']'' Look at the time, time. I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put run! ''[flees the kitchen]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[shrugging off Daphne's behaviour]'' Burned, huh? Well, you might wanna keep something cold onhis hand - and places that. ''[gets a can of beer out of the fridge and places it on his Niles' open palm.palm]'' Here - you can hold my beer for me while I watch the game. ''[heads into the living room, leaving Niles visibly thinking "WTF!?"]''
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
*
** At first, the atmosphere is easy-going, with the two having as good a rapport in the kitchen as they've ever had, leading to a great line from Daphne:
--->'''Daphne:''' I haven't had this much fun in the kitchen since your brother caught his tie in the pasta machine!
** But things take a turn for the bizarre when Niles burns his hand on a hot pan handle.
--->'''Martin:''' Hey, what's up?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[jumping back from Niles,
'''Martin:''' ''[shrugging off Daphne's behaviour]'' Burned, huh? Well, you might wanna keep something cold on
Changed line(s) 349,350 (click to see context) from:
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar, his monkey won't make those rude gestures.
to:
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar, his monkey won't make those rude gestures.
gestures.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[spends a moment absorbing this information]'' No, this is about Daphne. Uh... I burned my hand while I was cooking, and she began putting first aid cream on it, in a... a very ''tender'' way, and then, uh... Dad came in, and she jumped, as if she felt guilty. Is it possible Daphne has feelings for me?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[without hesitation]'' No.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah well, as long as you've considered it from all angles.
* Frasier gives this winning line to Roz about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Roz:''' Whoa, you went to bed with the prom queen?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
'''Niles:''' ''[spends a moment absorbing this information]'' No, this is about Daphne. Uh... I burned my hand while I was cooking, and she began putting first aid cream on it, in a... a very ''tender'' way, and then, uh... Dad came in, and she jumped, as if she felt guilty. Is it possible Daphne has feelings for me?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[without hesitation]'' No.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Ah well, as long as you've considered it from all angles.
* Frasier gives this winning line to Roz about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Roz:''' Whoa, you went to bed with the prom queen?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
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Changed line(s) 13 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Mia:''' It's so beautiful here.\\
to:
'''Frasier:''' You're welcome, Dad. Listen, if you're enjoying this little trip down Memory Lane, wait 'til you see the other blast from the past we brought up here! ''[Niles shushes him, and they leave through the back door as Mia enters through the front door]''\\
'''Mia:''' Martin? Hi. ''[Martin turns around, and his jaw drops as he imagines Hester has come back from the dead]'' It's Mia. ''[noticing Martin's shock]'' Oh my gosh, Frasier did tell you I was coming, didn't he?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[covering]'' Oh! Yeah- yeah, 'course he did! Yeah, well... nice meeting you! ''[they shake hands]''\\
'''Mia:''' It's very nice to meet you. Well, it's so beautiful here.\\
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Changed line(s) 629 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Frasier:''' Someone blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut?! Who was it? Dad? Roz?\\
to:
-->'''Frasier:''' Someone Somebody blabbed, didn't they? they!? Why can't people just keep mind their mouths shut?! own business?! Who was it? Dad? Roz?\\the nattering gossip? Roz? Dad?\\
Changed line(s) 631 (click to see context) from:
to:
* Daphne resolves to talk to Niles about their feelings for each other, and tries to calm her nerves by eating cookies from a large bag. This doesn't go unnoticed by the many people who ring the doorbell before Niles arrives:
-->'''Daphne:''' I don't even know how I'm going to begin this conversation. ''[eats another cookie]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm sure those chocolate chip-blackened teeth will be a nice icebreaker.\\
[...]\\
'''Martin:''' You know, when they put "Party Size" on that cookie bag, they don't mean party of one.
-->'''Daphne:''' I don't even know how I'm going to begin this conversation. ''[eats another cookie]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm sure those chocolate chip-blackened teeth will be a nice icebreaker.\\
[...]\\
'''Martin:''' You know, when they put "Party Size" on that cookie bag, they don't mean party of one.
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* In the opening scene at Cafe Nervosa, Roz has set up Frasier with Jessica, a friend of hers, but as said friend is running late, Frasier is convinced he has been stood up. However, a patron at another table catches his eye, although she is with a man, so he asks Roz to establish if they're a couple. Unfortunately, Roz goes to the wrong "couple", and does indeed establish that the man and woman, Hank and Francesca, are not dating... and immediately begins flirting with Hank. Frasier plucks up the courage to introduce himself to Mia, the woman who caught his eye, and is pleased to hear the man accompanying her is not her boyfriend... until she says he's just broken up with ''his'' boyfriend and offers to introduce him to Frasier. To compound his embarrassment, Roz has told Francesca of his "interest" in her, and his attempt to explain the misunderstanding gets a very frosty reaction... and then he gets another one when Jessica finally arrives.
to:
* In the opening scene at Cafe Café Nervosa, Roz has set up Frasier with Jessica, a friend of hers, but as said friend is running late, Frasier is convinced he has been stood up. However, a patron at another table catches his eye, although she is with a man, so he asks Roz to establish if they're a couple. Unfortunately, Roz goes to the wrong "couple", and does indeed establish that the man and woman, Hank and Francesca, are not dating... and immediately begins flirting with Hank. Frasier plucks up the courage to introduce himself to Mia, the woman who caught his eye, and is pleased to hear the man accompanying her is not her boyfriend... until she says he's just broken up with ''his'' boyfriend and offers to introduce him to Frasier. To compound his embarrassment, Roz has told Francesca of his "interest" in her, and his attempt to explain the misunderstanding gets a very frosty reaction... and then he gets another one when Jessica finally arrives.
Changed line(s) 330 (click to see context) from:
'''Frasier:''' No, it's true! I, I bumped into her today at the cafe.\\
to:
'''Frasier:''' No, it's true! I, I bumped into her today at the cafe.café.\\
Changed line(s) 341 (click to see context) from:
* In the next scene, Niles runs into Frasier at Cafe Nervosa:
to:
* In the next scene, Niles runs into Frasier at Cafe Café Nervosa:
Changed line(s) 1014,1015 (click to see context) from:
* The entire conversation about coffee sizes that follows from this, with Frasier converting between the various coffee shops to find the right size comparable to Cafe Nervosa's.
to:
* The entire conversation about coffee sizes that follows from this, with Frasier converting between the various coffee shops to find the right size comparable to Cafe Café Nervosa's.
Changed line(s) 1038,1039 (click to see context) from:
--> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\
[Julia emerges from the bathroom.]\\
[Julia emerges from the bathroom.]\\
to:
Changed line(s) 1042 (click to see context) from:
'''Julia:''' [disbelieving] Excuse me?\\
to:
'''Julia:''' [disbelieving] ''[disbelieving]'' Excuse me?\\
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Changed line(s) 638 (click to see context) from:
[[AC:801 / 802: And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon]]
to:
Changed line(s) 734 (click to see context) from:
[[AC:901 / 902: Don Juan in Hell]]
to:
[[AC:902: Don Juan in Hell, Part 2]]
Changed line(s) 1240 (click to see context) from:
[[AC:1124: Goodnight Seattle, Part II]]
to:
[[AC:1124: Goodnight Seattle, Part II]]2]]
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Deleted line(s) 826,827 (click to see context) :
[[AC:920: The Love You Fake]]
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'''Moments pages are Administrivia/SpoilersOff. Administrivia/YouHaveBeenWarned.'''
----
----
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* Roz reassures Frasier that he shouldn't worry about competing with Frank, until he enters Café Nervossa, and turns out to be a rugged, [[PermaStubble Perma-Stubbled]] Aaron Eckhart. "You're screwed."
to:
* Roz reassures Frasier that he shouldn't worry about competing with Frank, until he enters Café Nervossa, Nervosa, and turns out to be a rugged, [[PermaStubble Perma-Stubbled]] Aaron Eckhart. "You're screwed."
Changed line(s) 1192 (click to see context) from:
* Martin and Ronnee returning from a date to find Frank [[SleepCute sleeping on top of]] Frasier.
to:
* Martin and Ronnee Ronee returning from a date to find Frank [[SleepCute sleeping on top of]] Frasier.
Changed line(s) 1194,1195 (click to see context) from:
'''Ronnee:''' Well, as long as he's happy.
to:
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Changed line(s) 975,976 (click to see context) from:
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
to:
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
out...
* After having quit KACL, Roz decides she wants to come back. Her solution? Just march back in and act like she never left. Which ''works''.
Changed line(s) 1191 (click to see context) from:
to:
* Martin and Ronnee returning from a date to find Frank [[SleepCute sleeping on top of]] Frasier.
-->'''Martin:''' Aww, ''jeez''...\\
'''Ronnee:''' Well, as long as he's happy.
-->'''Martin:''' Aww, ''jeez''...\\
'''Ronnee:''' Well, as long as he's happy.
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[[foldercontrol]]
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[[AC:1118: Match Game]]
* Daphne and Niles deciding to go with a natural birth, right up until Daphne sees the video their doula brings of the couple who recommended her having a ScreamingBirth of her own.
[[AC:1120: And Frasier Makes Three]]
* Roz reassures Frasier that he shouldn't worry about competing with Frank, until he enters Café Nervossa, and turns out to be a rugged, [[PermaStubble Perma-Stubbled]] Aaron Eckhart. "You're screwed."
* Frank's total obliviousness to Frasier's attempt to get with Charlotte.
* Daphne and Niles deciding to go with a natural birth, right up until Daphne sees the video their doula brings of the couple who recommended her having a ScreamingBirth of her own.
[[AC:1120: And Frasier Makes Three]]
* Roz reassures Frasier that he shouldn't worry about competing with Frank, until he enters Café Nervossa, and turns out to be a rugged, [[PermaStubble Perma-Stubbled]] Aaron Eckhart. "You're screwed."
* Frank's total obliviousness to Frasier's attempt to get with Charlotte.
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[[folder:Season 7]]
[[AC:701: Momma Mia]]
* In the opening scene at Cafe Nervosa, Roz has set up Frasier with Jessica, a friend of hers, but as said friend is running late, Frasier is convinced he has been stood up. However, a patron at another table catches his eye, although she is with a man, so he asks Roz to establish if they're a couple. Unfortunately, Roz goes to the wrong "couple", and does indeed establish that the man and woman, Hank and Francesca, are not dating... and immediately begins flirting with Hank. Frasier plucks up the courage to introduce himself to Mia, the woman who caught his eye, and is pleased to hear the man accompanying her is not her boyfriend... until she says he's just broken up with ''his'' boyfriend and offers to introduce him to Frasier. To compound his embarrassment, Roz has told Francesca of his "interest" in her, and his attempt to explain the misunderstanding gets a very frosty reaction... and then he gets another one when Jessica finally arrives.
-->'''Frasier:''' Gosh, you know, you must think I'm some sort of a smooth operator.\\
'''Mia:''' Not really, no.
* The episode takes place the weekend of Martin's birthday, and Frasier and Niles are taking him to the family's old mountain cabin. Martin is wearing hip waders around the apartment to break them in for a weekend's fishing, leading to a gem from Niles when he and Frasier arrive:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello all! ''[takes in the sight of Martin in his hip waders]'' Well, there's a ''faux pas'' averted, I almost wore ''my'' big rubber pants today.
* Mia arrives not long after, and Niles immediately notices her as a dead ringer for the late Hester Crane, as does Martin when she arrives at the cabin:
-->'''Mia:''' It's so beautiful here.\\
'''Martin:''' Well, I'm glad you like it.\\
'''Mia:''' Are you kidding? I feel like I'm in Heaven!\\
'''Martin:''' I'm startin' to feel that way myself...
* Frasier and Niles return with some logs for the fireplace; Frasier is sporting a bruised thumb after Niles dropped a log on it, and he lays into his brother for the reason for his clumsiness:
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, ''nice going'', Niles!\\
'''Mia:''' What happened?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles dropped a huge log ''right'' onto my hand when he was startled by a moth!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[indignant]'' It was ''not'' a moth, it was a ''bat'', I could tell from that eerie, high-pitched scream!\\
'''Frasier:''' That was YOU! You know, I wish you'd see someone about this bug phobia of yours!\\
'''Niles:''' It is ''not'' a phobia, I have a healthy fear of our natural predators! It's us versus them, and frankly, I'm starting to wonder just whose side you're on!
* To the shock of the other Cranes, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for being "so blind" regarding his bug phobia:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has the gall to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' [[BlahBlahBlah Argle gargle google goop.]]\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now you know how it feels, ''what are you talking about!?''
* Later, when they're having dinner, Frasier - referring to Niles's bug phobia - says that a psychiatrist should be self-aware. Since Frasier still hasn't figured out Mia's resemblance to his mother, this sets Niles off in a TranquilFury fashion.
-->'''Niles:''' So you're saying I lack self-awareness?\\
'''Martin:''' Why don't we change the subject? This is a great meal, Mia! \\
'''Niles''': It certainly was. Frasier, when it comes to girlfriends, you've certainly struck the ''MOTHERLODE''.\\
'''Martin''': Niles!\\
'''Niles''': ''[glances at Martin, pretending to look confused]''\\
'''Frasier''': You haven't even read her books yet, dad, it's a delightful series about an adventurous little panda!\\
'''Niles''': Sounds worthy of ''MOTHER GOOSE''!\\
'''Frasier''': ''[looks at Niles]''\\
'''Martin''': Uh, so what's coming next for you, Mia?\\
'''Mia''': Well, I have to swear you to secrecy. \\
'''Martin''': Alright!\\
'''Mia''': ''[giddily]'' It looks like that panda might just find its way into the attic!\\
''[Martin and Frasier laugh]''\\
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. ''Mum's the word.''\\
'''Martin''': ''[spills his water in Niles's lap]'' Oh, sorry, Niles. Would you maybe come into the kitchen and I'll just help you get dried off in there, all right?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh dear, it looks like these pants may have to be ''REPRESSED!''\\
''[Martin pushes Niles to the kitchen]''
[[AC:702: Father of the Bride]]
* After Frasier accidentally offers to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he and Martin are desperate for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
* Later in the same episode, Frasier is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!
* Convincing Sabrina to leave doesn't take much:
-->'''Niles:''' Sabrina, time to go.\\
'''Sabrina:''' Your father and I were just talking.\\
'''Frasier:''' Did he mention he used to be a cop?\\
'''Sabrina:''' [[OhCrap Maybe we should go.]]
* As part of his attempts to plan Daphne's wedding, Frasier has hired a harpist, who's been in the background through the events. Then, as Martin talks with the minister Frasier hired...
-->'''Martin:''' ''(on Niles' Sunday school experiences)'' I remember it like it was yesterday...\\
''(harp music starts playing, causing everyone to look around in confusion)''
[[AC:703: Radio Wars]]
* KACL has hired a pair of {{Dumbass DJ}}s, Carlos and the Chicken, for their "morning zoo" show. They waste no time in antagonising Frasier with prank calls and quips about the size of his backside. After the first time, Frasier finds Daphne had been listening in her room. Just as he's saying it's a generational thing, Martin comes in, laughing about it as well. Then Frasier goes to leave.
-->'''Frasier:''' For God's sakes, I'm going back to bed. ''(heads toward his bedroom)''\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, oh, hey, Fras, wait a minute, uh, do you think you could get me a tape of the show?\\
'''Frasier:''' What on Earth for?\\
'''Martin:''' Well, how often do you get to hear your son on the radio?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(volcanic DeathGlare) I'm on the radio '''every day!''' (Martin throws up his arm as if to say "Geez, sorry I asked!" while Daphne tries not to laugh)''
* The second time they prank Frasier, he's in the tub, singing... which they catch, and ask him to stomp around his bathroom while singing. Meanwhile, Daphne, Martin and Niles are listening to the radio in the front room. As is Roz, who's in her car, [[{{Facepalm}} head pressed against the steering wheel]]. This time, we are treated to the sound clip "Frasier Crane's Humongous ASSSSSSS Contest!" as Carlos and the Chicken announce a $1,000 prize for a winning photo from their listeners.
* The would-be shutterbugs trying to get the perfect snapshot of his backside render Frasier a paranoid wreck, to the point that when he hears a knock at his front door, he first checks the spyhole, then opens the door and drags a startled Niles inside.
-->'''Niles:''' Why didn't you hold the elevator!? Didn't you hear me shouting? ''[goes to hang up his coat]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that was you? I'm sorry, Niles, I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stops in his tracks, then turns around]'' How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.
* The last straw for Roz comes when Carlos and the Chicken QuoteMine broadcasts to make it sound as though Frasier and Roz are having sex live on the air.[[note]] Perhaps they couldn't find the recording of Frasier having sex with Kate Costas live on the air as seen in "The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl"?[[/note]] She becomes the subject of a new contest for "rear view" photos, with a prize of $50 and a six-pack. She tells Frasier there were seven winners before she even left the house.
* Frasier comes to the station prepared to "eviscerate" Carlos and the Chicken with a series of acidic quotes from such historic wits as François de La Rochefoucauld, Creator/DorothyParker, Creator/OscarWilde, Creator/MarkTwain, and Creator/HLMencken,[[note]] One quote he probably should have consulted: Creator/{{Voltaire}}, "A witty saying proves nothing."[[/note]] even though Martin warns him this will set him up for the same unending mockery he and Niles endured as children when they dressed in bowler hats and umbrellas and pretended to be ''Series/{{The Avengers|1960s}}''[='=] John Steed. He rebuffs Roz's suggestions of slashing the [=DJs'=] tyres, cracking their windscreens, or simply beating the tar out of them:
-->'''Roz:''' ''[grabs Frasier as he heads into the booth while Carlos and the Chicken are live on air]'' No, Frasier, they're ''never'' gonna stop making fun of you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz, I don't care. I've just figured out something. You know, maybe you can't stop bullies from attacking you, but the only way they win is if they change who you are, and I'll tell you something, let them do their worst, they will not knock the bowler off of this head! ''[marches into the booth; Roz shoves the door open as he tries to close it]''\\
'''Roz:''' What does that mean!? ''[Frasier shuts the door on her]''
* Remarkably, Frasier does end Carlos and the Chicken's mockery of him over the air - but not in the way he expected...
-->'''Carlos:''' ''[into his microphone]'' Holy cow, look who just walked into the booth, Frasier Crane, the automatic sex pilot!\\
'''Chicken:''' What's up, love doctor? ''[pushes his microphone toward Frasier]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz watches from the window of the door to the booth]'' I think you two know what's up. There's only so much I can take, only so much ''anyone'' can take from a, a ''juvenile comic and his straight man! [looks at his list of quotes]'' I believe it was La Rochefoucauld[[note]] He pronounces it "La Roash-foo-coh". Remember this, it will be important later.[[/note]] who said-\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, lemme tell you something, I'll take my "straight man" ''[pats Carlos on the head, oblivious to Carlos' offended look]'' over your sex-starved producer any day, my friend!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[charges into the booth in a rage]'' OKAY, BUDDY!\\
'''Frasier:''' ROZ, ROZ, ROZ! I can handle this! ''[shoves her out again and shuts the door]''\\
'''Carlos:''' Hey, wait a second! I'm not your straight man! If anything, I'm the funny one!\\
'''Chicken:''' All right, dude, let's not start this again. ''[turns back to Frasier]''\\
'''Carlos:''' ''You're'' the one who just started it. ''On the air!''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[reading from his list again]'' It was La Rochefoucauld who first said, "If-"\\
'''Carlos:''' You know, you ''always'' do this!\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, Carlos, the therapist said NOT to use the word "always"!\\
'''Carlos:''' I just ''wish'' that you could say I was as funny as you are.\\
'''Chicken:''' Yeah, well, I wish I could say that too, but, um, who does all the funny voices!?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''La Rochefoucauld once said-''\\
'''Carlos:''' ''[his voice getting ever louder]'' If I'm so unfunny, how come I'm getting offered solo gigs?!\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, NOW I'm laughin', HA HA!\\
'''Carlos:''' You don't believe me? Ask our agent.\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[outraged]'' You talked to Zachary behind my back!?\\
'''Frasier:''' You know, gentlemen, if I could get a word in here-\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, I'll tell you what, man, you think you can go out on your own, go ahead, be my guest!\\
'''Carlos:''' GREAT! Because I DON'T need you, and I DON'T need Carlos and the Chicken!\\
'''Chicken:''' Oh, really!? Well, best of luck, funny boy!\\
'''Carlos:''' Same to you, ''[leans toward the microphone]'' [[EmbarrassingFirstName DWAYNE!]] ''[leaves]''\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[points after him]'' Hey, man, that is ''not'' cool!\\
'''Frasier:''' Chicken! I believe it was La Rochefoucauld, the great French thinker, who-\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[rolls his eyes]'' Would you give it a rest, double wide?! I went to grad school too. And, PS, it's pronounced ''[with French accent]'' "La ROSH-foo-coh".\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]'' THAT'S IT! NO-ONE CORRECTS MY FRENCH PRONUNCIATION, YOU SON OF A- ''[the rest of his line is obscured as he chases the terrified Chicken out of the booth]''
[[AC:707: A Tsar is Born]]
* One word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks; Martin is drinking beer, Frasier and Niles are drinking wine]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they still all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.
* After having gotten a high horse from their antique clock, Frasier and Niles get a message from the Russian consulate, who comes over to inform them of one or two salient details about how the clock wound up in their family. In the past, one of the Romanovs tried eloping to America with the help of a maid, only to get caught. The Cranes are in fact descended from... the maid, who did a runner with the clock, moved to New York, where she worked as a prostitute before meeting their great-grandfather.
* Meanwhile, Martin had been planning to use the money gained from selling the clock to buy a boat. By the time he returns, the clock has already been reclaimed without Frasier or Niles getting a bean, but Martin has good news: He's not getting a boat. But he has bought a ''Winnebago''. Frasier and Niles are exactly as thrilled by this as you can imagine.
[[AC:708: The Late Dr. Crane]]
* After a battle between the Crane brothers over the climate control in Frasier's car leads to a fender-bender that leaves Frasier with a nose injury, the resulting ER visit leads Niles to discover that the hospital employs Maris' plastic surgeon, Dr. Mel Karnofsky, who is still billing him for her botox injections. Niles goes to Dr. Karnofsky's office - and discovers [[GenderBlenderName Mel]] is short for Melinda. Her obsession over cleanliness (''throwing away'' her white medical coat when she sees a smudge on the sleeve and taking another one from a whole closet of white coats in her office) and taste in fine art leave him smitten, but his hesitant attempt to ask her out goes in an unexpected direction:
-->'''Niles:''' Well - Mel, uh... I was wondering... uh... ''[rests his hand on a box of Maris' records from that year - and realises how dusty it is]'' Ooh.\\
'''Mel:''' Oh. ''[fetches a pack of wet wipes from her desk drawer]''\\
'''Niles:''' Uh... ''[chuckles nervously]'' I, uh... uh... this is a little awkward...\\
'''Mel:''' ''[handing him a wet wipe]'' I guess I-\\
'''Niles:''' Ooh. ''[wiping off his hand]'' Thank you, I, uh - uh - uh, I'm not really sure how to ask - uh... ''[shrugs]''\\
'''Mel:''' Mmm, I think I know what it is.\\
'''Niles:''' Uh-huh?\\
'''Mel:''' And you've got no reason to be nervous.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[brightening]'' Oh, really?\\
'''Mel:''' Yes. Just a few quick injections, and those nasty little wrinkles in your forehead? They'll disappear! ''[Niles is speechless]'' Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[laughs]'' ... yes.\\
'''Mel:''' Well, it's a very simple procedure, although your forehead will be numb for a while, I can fit you in at, uh, 4:30. ''[heads to her office door]''\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, good, that gives me time to do something I need to do.\\
'''Mel:''' ''[as she leaves]'' Excellent.\\
''[Niles grimaces and repeatedly slaps his forehead in anguish]''
* Niles shows up at Frasier's apartment later that day, and the truth has to be bled out of him - literally:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[suddenly leans over Niles]'' Dr. Crane, don't move!\\
'''Niles:''' Why?\\
'''Daphne:''' There's a mosquito!\\
'''Niles:''' Where?\\
'''Daphne:''' On your forehead!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''[waves his hand over his forehead]'' get off, get off, get off.\\
'''Daphne:''' It's already gone!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Niles again]'' Oh dear, it... looks like it bit you.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[obviously faking]'' Oh, right - ow!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[putting two and two together]'' Niles... wrinkle your forehead for me, will you.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[long pause]'' Why would I do that?\\
'''Frasier:''' Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead. ''[Niles stares at Frasier, evidently trying and failing to do as he asks; Frasier's look turns downright accusatory]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[standing up in anger]'' I'm not your marionette!\\
'''Frasier:''' You got a ''botox injection!'' You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[as Daphne watches something in the air behind him]'' I - do - '''not!'''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[her gaze turns to the floor]'' Oh! That's strange! ''[picks something off the floor]'' The mosquito fell right out of the air, dead! ''[drops the dead parasite in the bin]''\\
'''Martin:''' What's a botox injection?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, great, my ''kids'' are having plastic surgery, that's a nice age to get to.
* The A plot kicks into gear when the evening news (on the aptly named KYLL) reveals that Frasier is presumed dead (an annoying patient caused him to leave the ER before his name was called; when it was, the patient decided to say ''he'' was Frasier - and dropped dead of a heart attack). Niles' reaction - or, facially, total lack thereof - is the icing on the cake.
-->'''Frasier:''' Dear God!...\\
'''Martin:''' What the hell!?...\\
'''Daphne:''' That's unbelievable!...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stiffly, his face still frozen]'' Outrageous!
* Frasier's apartment is flooded with gift baskets before the mistake can be corrected; Martin "accidentally" breaks the wrapping on as many of them as he can so that they can't be returned. In TheStinger, with Niles' forehead still numb, Martin mischievously sticks the bow from one of the gift baskets on him. Niles looks as his watch and hurries out, unaware that his head looks like it belongs under a Christmas tree.
[[AC:709: The Apparent Trap]]
* Martin knocks on the front door after hiding from Lilith and asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddie and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddie gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
-->'''Freddie''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** Freddie is in awe because he didn't know it was even possible to die there. Niles then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
--->'''Niles''': I didn't know there was a door there.
** At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
* The plot involves a complex long-game that Freddie may-or-may-not be pulling to manipulate his parents into getting back together (or not). Lilith believes she's cottoned on to his true scheme[[note]]He actually wants a mini-bike and hopes that his parents will buy him one to cushion his 'disappointment' when they reveal that they aren't reuniting.[[/note]] and to Frasier's horror calls his bluff by revealing that she and Frasier are in fact reuniting. Freddie goes to spread the news... including to Niles, who as soon as he hears it storms into the room with a truly hilarious rictus grin combining rage, terror, worry and the most unconvincing fake joy you've ever seen:
-->'''Niles:''' ''What's this joyous news I hear?!''\\
'''Lilith:''' You know, Frederick, you're going to have to give up all of your friends, because we're going to live here in Seattle.\\
'''Freddie:''' I'd live anywhere to be a family again.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[in one single sentence]'' So it is true congratulations to you both good night. ''[walks to the door without looking at anyone, his whole posture stiff as a board with tension]''\\
'''Freddie:''' Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[still not looking back]'' No thank you! ''[storms out]''
* Frasier and Lilith finally catch Freddie out by listening in on him talking about his plot to a friend. Their take away:
-->'''Lilith:''' You know what this means, don't you?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes... our son is normal. We're not bad parents. Well done, Dr. Sternin.\\
'''Lilith:''' Well done, Dr. Crane. ''[they high five]''
* After a moment, they realise they've left Freddie in Frasier's room, knowing they know about his plot, and waiting for them to come and confront him about it.
-->'''Lilith:''' Well, we really should get in there.\\
'''Frasier:''' Must be sheer torment for him, waiting for the axe to fall.\\
'''Lilith:''' Absolute hell.\\
'''Frasier:''' Absolute nightmare. ''(gesturing to the wine on the nearby table)'' Wine?\\
'''Lilith:''' Love some!
[[AC:710: Back Talk]]
* Although this episode is best remembered for the WhamLine in the third act, it still has room for humour. Frasier's back seizes up while he is blowing out a candle on a birthday cupcake from Martin, and Niles shows up at KACL with a "lumbar log" (a cylindrical cushion for lower back support). He and Roz wonder if there might be more to Frasier's back pain:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[as Niles helps him out of his chair and puts the "lumbar log" behind his back]'' I think the whole thing is probably stress-related.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, that's very possible. You know, birthdays can be anxiety-provoking. ''[Frasier sits down again and sighs with relief]'' Especially for people of a certain age.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[offended]'' I am not "of a certain age", Niles. I am smack dab in the middle of "not a kid anymore", I won't be "of a certain age" for another ten years.\\
'''Roz:''' You know, if your back pain is stress-related, I read a magazine article with an exercise that might help. You just go some place where nobody can hear you, and list all the things that bug you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And in what esteemed medical journal did you find this little tidbit? ''Cosmo''!?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[equally sarcastically]'' No - ''Glamour''!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that's priceless. "I can't find the right shade of lipstick." "I look terrible in a bikini." "He can't find my G-spot!" ''[Niles laughs]''\\
'''Roz:''' I said do it some place private!\\
'''Niles:''' You know, it couldn't hurt, Frasier.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, Niles, it's absurd!\\
'''Niles:''' Hmm. The more you resist, the more I'm wondering if there's something you're trying to avoid. ''[Frasier doesn't answer]''\\
'''Roz:''' Well, thanks for backing me up, Niles! You know, the same article said if you rub a raw potato-\\
'''Niles:''' If we're going to sell him on this, you should drop out now.\\
'''Frasier:''' No-one is going to sell me on anything! That sort of exercise only helps people that lack self-awareness. I, for one, am... ''[trails off and grimaces in pain]'' GOD ALMIGHTY!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Well, no wonder you're stressed, you've got a whole universe to run! ''[laughs]''
* Seconds before he goes on air, Frasier sniffs a birthday bouquet given to him by the KACL staff... and only gets as far as "Good afternoon, Seattle!" before a sneezing fit causes such severe back spasms that he has to cue a recording of ''The Best of Crane'' while Niles takes him to a doctor. As Niles has a lunch date with Mel, he is eager to drop Frasier off at his apartment as quickly as possible, but finding a suitable chair proves more challenging than expected:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[after Niles deposits him on the sofa and turns to leave]'' No, wait!... This couch has absolutely no support, let's... let's try the chair over there, please?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[after a brief hesitation]'' All right! [[WaxingLyrical You're not heavy, you're my brother.]] ''[lifts Frasier off the sofa and manoeuvres him across the living room]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[groaning as he tries to keep up with Niles]'' How could you even take me to that unprofessional '''hack!?''' All he did was give me a bottle full of horse tranquillisers, he didn't care about getting to the root of the problem, he just wanted to shut me up!\\
'''Niles:''' I - think it might be time for one of those pills... ''[he sets Frasier down on the chair - face first, so that Frasier's forehead is on the back of the chair while his knees are on the seat; Niles checks his watch as Frasier groans in agony]'' All comfy?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles... ''[gasps as he pushes himself into a kneeling position]'' This won't do... it's even harder than a seat on a public bus!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[scoffs]'' Oh, when were you ever on a bus!?\\
'''Frasier:''' At a cocktail party once, for the Friends of Transit.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[after a moment's offended reflection]'' I wasn't invited to that!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Will you just help me up, for God's sake?!''
* Frasier decides to take one of the pills after all, and as Niles heads to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, Frasier staggers back and sits down in Martin's recliner and discovers, much to his horror, just how ''nice'' it is.
-->''[Niles enters the living room with Frasier's water and sees him in the recliner; his jaw drops]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[alarmed]'' Oh my God! Did you fall??\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[in a blissful daze]'' No... no, I'm actually quite comfortable, Niles. Look... there's no glare on the television... ''[indicating the table next to the chair]'' And here's a lovely place to set your drink.\\
'''Niles:''' Just give me your hand, and whatever the chair's telling you, ''don't listen.''
* Eventually, Frasier decides to act on Roz' suggestion by talking about things that are bothering him... to Eddie. ("All right, well, here's a start: I'm talking to a dog, that bothers me!") Frasier doesn't see Daphne enter behind him and overhear him say that he loves her (platonically, but he doesn't specify as much) and needs to tell her before she moves in with Donny, but Eddie ''does'' see her; when Frasier finishes his "confession" (and Daphne has fled the room in shock), he notices that Eddie has buried his face in the couch.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[angrily]'' You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up!
* Later, Frasier admits to Martin that he'd been talking to Eddie about his problems.
-->'''Frasier:''' If you must know, I was talking to Eddie.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(first goes "Ah", then gives the most smug, knowing grin)'' Helps, doesn't it?
* Even the WhamLine is as funny as it is world-shattering; Frasier successfully explains himself to Daphne, and, in her capacity as a physical therapist, she begins giving him a back massage as the painkillers disconnect his brain from the rest of his body, including his mouth:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know what?\\
'''Daphne:''' What's that, Dr. Crane?\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad's chair!\\
'''Daphne:''' I'm not takin' it with me if that's where you're headed!\\
'''Frasier:''' It's so ''comfortable!''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[bemused]'' You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you? ''[continues massaging Frasier's back]'' You know what's curious, though?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Cats??\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[chuckles]'' Yes... but I'm talking about our little mix-up. When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me," he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[blissfully unaware of what he's saying]'' Oh, that... he meant Niles.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[thunderstruck]'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles!... he's ''crazy'' about you...\\
'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane?...[[note]] Meaning Niles.[[/note]] Dr. Crane!...[[note]] Meaning Frasier.[[/note]] ''[but Frasier is dead to the world]''
[[AC:711: The Fight Before Christmas]]
* Once again, while the focus in this episode is on the seismic shift in the Niles/Daphne story arc, it still finds time for humour. Daphne's tendency to address both Frasier and Niles as "Dr. Crane", having already caused the misunderstanding that ultimately led Frasier to reveal that Niles has been in love with Daphne for six years, then causes further misunderstandings when she confides in Roz:
-->'''Roz:''' Well, who spilled the beans? It was Frasier, wasn't it?\\
'''Daphne:''' Yes, but he doesn't know he told me.\\
'''Roz:''' He doesn't?\\
'''Daphne:''' No, he was on those painkillers for his back, and... well, [[OneSteveLimit I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane! If I told him, he might tell Dr. Crane, and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.]]\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Yeah, why confuse things?
* Niles, meanwhile, has to visit Maris to offer his condolences after the death of their gardener, Yoshi (he had a heart attack while trimming Maris' hedge maze; "the paramedics never had a chance," says Niles). Frasier, concerned over how that might go over with Mel, advises Niles not to tell her that he is visiting Maris. However, things fall apart when Mel shows up at the KACL Christmas party, having been invited after doing a segment on breast augmentation during Cosmetic Surgery Week on ''Health Chat'' ("How uplifting!" says Frasier; Mel is unamused).
** Niles' cover story was that he was having dinner with Frasier. Unfortunately, Frasier doesn't learn of this until ''after'' Mel has asked him how said dinner went and he has told her he spent the evening preparing for his Christmas party instead, causing Mel to storm off without a further word. The funny part comes from the ensuing conversation with an outraged (sort of, anyway) Niles:
--->'''Niles:''' Frasier, Frasier, glad I saw you, listen, about last night, if Mel should ask-\\
'''Frasier:''' [[OhCrap Oh... dear.]]\\
'''Niles:''' Oh no.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes.\\
'''Niles:''' And you...\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid so.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[seething]'' DAMN you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well-\\
'''Niles:''' ''You're'' the one that told me to lie to her, now you fail to ''["hits" Frasier on the arm repeatedly, looking more like he is trying to brush a patch of dirt off his sleeve]'' back me up! ''[stomps off to intercept Mel at the coat rack]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm a little pre-occupied, I'm having a party tonight for two hundred people! ''[Kenny happens to walk past over this last part; as he hasn't been invited, this is the first he has heard about Frasier's party]''\\
'''Kenny:''' Well, I won't lie to you, Doc... this hurts.
** Niles manages to catch Mel before she leaves; her first assumption is that he is seeing someone behind her back, so she asks for "the little whore's name", but Niles lies again and says he was buying Mel's Christmas gift. Mollified, she lets Niles hang up her coat again and goes to get drinks, whereupon she runs into Frasier again - and Frasier is unaware that Niles ''still'' hasn't told the truth about seeing Maris...
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, Mel, ah, this is awkward, uh...\\
'''Mel:''' Oh, no no no, Frasier, Niles explained everything, and while I don't like being lied to, I, I do appreciate why he did it.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, I'm so glad!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[racing over to Mel and Frasier]'' '''Oooooh''' 'ello! ''[with a very forced grin]'' Hello! Chatting, are we?\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, I wa- I was just apologising for my part in your little misunderstanding.\\
'''Niles:''' Ah yes, well, then, of course, you were discussing the present. ''[looks at Frasier, hoping he'll take the hint]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[takes the wrong hint]'' Oh, yes, yes, the present! And the future... ''[raises his cup]'' Maris is all in the past. ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Mel:''' ''[turns slowly to look at a chagrined Niles, then back at Frasier, ice in her voice]'' Maris.\\
'''Frasier:''' ... oh dear.\\
'''Mel:''' You were with ''Maris'' last night.\\
'''Niles:''' Well-\\
'''Mel:''' HOW ''dare'' you!... ''[slams her cup down and marches off again]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares venomously at Frasier]'' Anything else in the box, Pandora!? ''[hurries after Mel]''
** This time, Niles is unable to placate Mel, who declares that Niles is "obviously still in love with her" and that she's not about to share him; Roz is fetching her coat during this conversation and so hears every word (but doesn't know that "her" refers to Maris, not Daphne). The scene ends with the climax of the plot thread that Roz is the only KACL staffer invited to Frasier's Christmas party, as a livid Niles rebuffs Frasier's attempt at an apology by saying, loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear, that he only cares about the party he is hosting that night. As the KACL staff all begin glaring daggers at Frasier for not inviting them to his party, he gets a hilarious fixed grin on his face and slowly tiptoes out of the room.
* When no-one shows up for Frasier's party, Donny informs him that his rival Cam Winston (who lives in apartment number 2000) is advertising his own party in the lobby. Frasier is furious and instructs Donny to put up his own advert, but Martin is cautious:
-->'''Martin:''' I don't know whether that's a good idea, Fras.\\
'''Frasier:''' What?\\
'''Martin:''' Well, "Winston Party 2000" sounds like the party of the future. "Crane Party 1901" sounds like... ''[looks around at the empty room]'' ... well, ''this.''
* Meanwhile, Roz relays Niles and Mel's exchange to Daphne, who starts panicking that Niles will finally act on his six-year crush on her. However, in the process, she tries to draw on experience Roz doesn't have:
-->'''Daphne:''' But what if he says something to me!?\\
'''Roz:''' Just let him down gently.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, it never works out that easily! You know what happens when you say "no" to a guy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[[[ReallyGetsAround having never said "no" to a guy in her life]]]'' Yeah... sure.
* Later on a crowd of guests shows up, to Frasier's delight. But Donny is suspicious:
-->'''Donny:''' Okay Marty, how did you get all these people down here?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, I just called an old buddy in the Fire Department and told him that that many people in one place had to be a code violation.\\
'''Donny:''' Oh, that is smart. But aren't there going to be the same number of people down here?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[at the piano]'' All right, everyone, we'll start by singing some carols and then we'll choose our teams for The Minister's Cat![[note]] A Victorian parlour game in which the players describe the minister's cat using alphabetical lists of adjectives, adding one word at a time. Players are eliminated if they slip up in reciting the list or spend too long thinking of a new adjective for the current letter.[[/note]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smirking]'' I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
[[AC:712: RDWRER]]
* As part of Frasier and Niles's New Years 2000 celebration, they plan to go to Sun Valley, but with it being just before New Years, they can't book a flight. SmashCut to the Crane men in Martin's Winnebago, with Niles looking [[KubrickStare exactly]] as thrilled with this as you can imagine.
[[AC:713: They're Playing Our Song]]
* Daphne trying out a new vacuum. A few seconds on Martin's chair, and it explodes.
-->'''Frasier:''' Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" was no match for the "Dirt ''Pile'' 1957".
* Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEAfdUmY4w this.]]
-->'''Daphne:''' It was like Creator/GilbertAndSullivan - only frightening.
[[AC:714: Big Crane on Campus]]
* When Frasier runs into Lorna Lynley (before she was re-named Lana Lynley by the writers), the most popular girl from his high school, he learns that she is recently divorced, but loses his nerve when he tries to ask her out and instead asks her to appraise his apartment in her capacity as a real estate agent. As he rushes Martin out of the apartment, Niles arrives, and we get a goldmine of funny moments as the scene plays out like a teenager trying to get rid of his AnnoyingYoungerSibling before his date shows up:
** First, there's Niles' entrance line:
--->'''Frasier:''' Niles! What are you doing here?\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I've got a crisis. Tomorrow's Mel's birthday, and I'm planning a very romantic evening, but my Gaggenau[[note]] He pronounces it "gag-ah-noh"; as Gaggenau are a German appliance manufacturer, a more accurate pronunciation would be "gag-ah-now".[[/note]] is on the fritz.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[{{Squick}}ed]'' Oh, geez, I don't need to hear this!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad, it's a ''stove''.\\
'''Martin:''' I know! Six burners and a griddle! Don't you guys ever talk about cars?! ''[leaves]''
** Frasier agrees to let Niles use his kitchen the next day, but then tries to get him to leave. Unfortunately, his explanation that he has a date just stops Niles in his tracks:
--->'''Niles:''' ''[grins eagerly]'' Oh? Anyone I know?\\
'''Frasier:''' As a matter of fact, yes: Lorna Lynley.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[impressed]'' Oh!... No, really, who?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, it's true! I, I bumped into her today at the cafe.\\
'''Niles:''' Lorna Lynley? You, sir, have moxie! ''[Frasier laughs modestly]'' Why, even with all my vested authority as hall monitor, I could never muster the courage to see her ''bathroom pass'' and you ''asked her out? [Frasier laughs modestly again]'' Whoa! I bow down before you! I doff my cap to you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, it- it's not really a date.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' I knew it.\\
'''Frasier:''' You see, uh, she's coming over to appraise the apartment, she's in real estate. And I... tried to ask her out, and I choked. I did get the impression that she was interested in me, though!\\
'''Niles:''' Well, of course she is. Oh, and the coach called, you're starting in the big game on Sunday.
** Frasier resumes his attempts to get rid of Niles, but is unable to make any progress before the doorbell rings, sending both of them into a giddy panic. Frasier tells Niles he gets one quick "hello" and then has to leave, but the second Lorna enters and shakes his hand, Niles starts giggling like a schoolboy, not saying so much as one coherent word before he leaves. The next morning, after Frasier and Lorna have spent the night together, Niles shows up with the ingredients for his dinner with Mel, and when Lorna appears out of Frasier's room and greets him with a playful tousle of his hair, he dissolves into giggling ''again''.
* Frasier doesn't discover until after he has spent the night with Lorna that she smokes, drinks copiously, and has a very short temper. He walks her to the elevator in his building as she is smoking a cigarette, and she passionately kisses him goodbye before the doors close - at which point he breathes out the mouthful of cigarette smoke she just gave him.
* Frasier gives this winning line to Niles about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
* Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and burns his hand on a hot pan handle. She rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump back from Niles, denying anything has happened... and then picking up an ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look at the time, I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put something cold on his hand - and places a can of beer on his open palm.
* In the next scene, Niles runs into Frasier at Cafe Nervosa:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello, Frasier.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, hello, Niles, how are you?\\
'''Niles:''' Fine, fine... ''[sitting down opposite Frasier]'' Although the oddest thing just happened.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar, his monkey won't make those rude gestures.
[[AC:715: Out with Dad]]
* As the episode opens, it seems all five main characters are dateless on Valentine's Day; Roz and Daphne are planning to spend the evening watching sad movies at Frasier's apartment, while Frasier and Niles have tickets to see ''Theatre/{{Rigoletto}}'' as Mel is out of town at a conference. However, as Niles arrives, it seems there's been a change of plan, which Frasier doesn't appreciate, leading to a hilarious exchange of insults:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering Frasier's apartment on the phone]'' I can't wait either! I, I, I'll see you in twenty minutes, valentine! ''[makes kissing noise into phone, then hangs up]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[aghast]'' That had better be the seat duster in our opera box!\\
'''Niles:''' No, it was Mel! At the last minute, she decided to skip her conference!\\
'''Frasier:''' So!... I'll be going to the opera by myself.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pretending the idea has just occurred to him]'' Oh! Well, here's a thought! If you give Mel your opera ticket, then you won't have to be alone! You can stay here and, and watch fun movies with Roz and Daphne! ''[looks at the VHS case in Roz' hand]'' Ooh!... ''Film/DyingYoung''! It's a... classic!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[incensed]'' I am surprised by your gall. At the last moment, you... you not only ''bail'' on me, you expect me to give up my own ticket!?\\
'''Niles:''' Please, Frasier, put yourself in my shoes. I ''have'' to do something for Mel. Every restaurant in town's been booked for weeks. I ran into Archie Wilfong today. He told me he had to settle for two seats at the counter at The Salad Experience! What would you suggest I do?\\
'''Frasier:''' Bring your own wine and order the Spicy Caesar!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shoots Frasier a DeathGlare as he storms to the door]'' May your opera box be full of cellophane crinklers and the stage swarming with standbys!\\
'''Frasier:''' GET OUT! ''[Niles slams the door behind him]''
* Deciding to make his move on Emily Browning, a fellow operagoer, Frasier recruits Martin to accompany him, but Martin inadvertently attracts the eye of Emily's mother, Helen, and, wanting to spare her feelings, confirms her guess that his lack of interest is because he is gay. Emily agrees to go back to Frasier's apartment with him, but Martin's lie comes back to bite him when Emily and Helen agree that Emily's uncle, Edward, would be a perfect match for Martin, and he accompanies Emily back to Frasier's. Frasier learns of Martin's lie from Emily and confronts him over it, but is unable to explain that Edward has been brought as a prospective match for him before he agrees to "gay it up" a little. It all builds up to the following hilarious exchange:
-->'''Edward:''' ''[off Martin's claim that he stoked Frasier's interest in art and "upholstery"]'' Were you in the arts?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, well, actually, Ed-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[deciding to cut Martin off before he spins a lie he cannot rein in]'' Dad was a cop.\\
'''Edward:''' Really? ''[grins]'' The, er... ''uniform'' and everything?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smiles back, missing the innuendo]'' Yeah, in fact, uh, that's what happened to my hip. I took a, uh, bullet trying to break up a robbery. Yeah, I called for backup, but it never showed up.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[sighing with indignation on Martin's behalf]'' Because you were gay.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[taking Emily's hand]'' Don't think I didn't wonder about that. ''[Frasier rolls his eyes]'' Yes, that was the day I came out. I was lying in that alley, covered with blood, bullet in my hip, and I said, "That's it, I'm gay, I like myself, and I'm not living a lie anymore!" ''[Frasier rolls his eyes again]''\\
'''Edward:''' I had exactly the same experience when I came out! ''[puts his hand on Martin's knee; Martin does a DoubleTake, his eyes nearly coming out of their sockets. He hides his shock for Edward and Emily, but shoots Frasier a horrified look; Frasier smiles triumphantly]'' Not ''exactly'', perhaps. Yours was a bullet in the hip. For me, it was a Lufthansa steward named Gunter.
* Martin asks Frasier to accompany him to the kitchen to confront him over the setup, but Frasier refuses to come clean in the interest of preserving his date with Emily and to make Martin squirm after he lied to Helen. They emerge from the kitchen to find Edward and Emily talking to Daphne, who is no stranger to being set up with gay men herself, and is getting her own revenge on Martin's mockery in "The Matchmaker":
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the kitchen with Martin]'' Daphne!\\
'''Edward:''' We've just been chatting with your delightful physical therapist, Marty!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[indicating Edward]'' Oh, he's a charmer, this one! Now aren't you glad you went to the opera? I keep telling him he should get out more, meet people. Most nights he just sits here, alone, watching the telly.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[also indicating Edward]'' He's the exact same way. He'll watch anything!\\
'''Daphne:''' With him it's mostly sport. Just give him a bunch of sweaty men chasing each other around a field and he-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[quickly]'' Daphne! ''[grabs her arm and pushes her toward the kitchen]'' Where are we keeping the Camembert these days?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[startled]'' Same place we always do!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Get in there!\\
'''Emily:''' You were smart to hire a woman for physical therapy. Much safer than a man. Edward sprained his leg last year.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily.\\
'''Emily:''' I ''never'' trusted that man.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily!\\
'''Emily:''' Why you loaned him your boat-\\
'''Edward:''' ''All right, Emily! [he smiles at Martin and shrugs helplessly]''\\
''[from the kitchen, we hear Daphne splitting her sides laughing; Frasier emerges a few seconds later, covering by laughing as though he and Daphne have just shared a joke]''
* To Martin's increasing alarm, he and Edward end up getting on so well that Edward asks him if he's free for dinner, and he tries another face-saving lie by pretending he is already dating someone. Enter his unwitting boyfriend...
-->'''Edward:''' Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.\\
'''Martin:''' No, no, really, it's true!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[opens Frasier's front door]'' Hello.\\
'''Martin:''' Darling!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[so confused he cannot move or speak for a few seconds]'' ... sorry, am I interrupting something?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[grinning ear to ear]'' Not a thing, honey, just... take off your coat and stay a while!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[even more confused]'' Okay. ''[hangs up his coat]'' Uh, I, uh, felt bad about that little squabble earlier, so, uh... I thought I'd drop off this little peace offering. ''[picks up a bottle of wine]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[laughs]'' As if I could stay mad at you! ''[puts his arm around Niles]'' Uh, Edward, uh, this is my boyfriend, Niles. ''[Niles is dumbfounded]'' Niles, uh, this is Edward, we met at the opera tonight.\\
'''Edward:''' ''[shaking Niles' outstretched hand]'' Delighted.\\
'''Niles:''' Hello.\\
'''Edward:''' You needn't look so startled, I assure you there's nothing funny going on!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[clearly thinking otherwise, but for different reasons]'' Oh, good.
* Frasier lets Niles in on the charade, but Niles is indignant that "They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!"
* With Frasier's date having taken a promising turn moments before, Frasier tells Niles that he has only one option: he must dump Martin. He does so in the funniest way imaginable:
-->'''Frasier:''' So, Niles! You actually, uh, missed a, a splendid evening at the opera.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, maybe I can catch it this weekend with Mel.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[feigning playful jealousy]'' Oh, and who's Mel?\\
'''Niles: DAMN''' you and your jealous questions, you don't OWN me! ''[storms off in a huff, sharing a look with Frasier before grabbing his coat and heading to the door]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[stunned]'' Niles, I was only asking!\\
'''Niles:''' You're ALWAYS asking! Badgering! ''Spying'' on me! Well, I won't be ''suffocated'' anymore! I'm ''tired'' of being your trophy boy! It's '''over!''' You hear me!? '''''Over!''''' ''[sniffs haughtily]'' And I'm ''keeping'' the jewellery. ''[sweeps off, slamming the door behind him]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[trying to keep himself from guffawing]'' Oh, Dad. I'm so sorry.
[[AC:716: Something about Dr. Mary]]
* The replacement for Roz during her vacation, Chuck, and more importantly his severe speech impediment. Not a good combination when talking to Doctor Fwasier Cwane or Woz about what happened to his wife.
-->'''Roz:''' Hey, Chuck. How's it going?\\
'''Chuck:''' Oh, tewwible, Woz! My wife was in the Cawibbean and she weft me for a Wastafawian!\\
''(Roz tries ''desperately'' not to crack up)''
* As a setup for the B-plot, Niles reveals to Martin that he's taken up kickboxing.[[note]] As David Hyde Pierce had done offscreen.[[/note]]
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, speaking of golf, Dad, I've become quite the sportsman myself!\\
'''Martin:''' Oh! ''[folds up his newspaper as Niles hands him a certificate]''\\
'''Niles:''' What do you think of that?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[glancing over the certificate]'' Oh, it's very nice, son, but... calligraphy really isn't a sport. More of a craft.
* Niles shows off his newly acquired skills to Martin by demonstrating a roundhouse kick... unaware that Daphne has walked up behind him to watch until he kicks her square in the backside, knocking her into the dining table and spraining her wrist. To make it up to her, he takes over as many of her duties around the apartment as his schedule permits until her wrist heals... an arrangement Martin milks for every last drop:
-->'''Niles:''' Everything comfy, Daphne? ''[sets a tray of food on the coffee table in front of her]'' Here you are - this quiche should hold you 'til dinner.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, Dr. Crane, you really don't need to fill in for me, it's just a sprained wrist. I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[under his breath, not looking up from his newspaper]'' The hell you are. ''[Daphne glares at him]''\\
'''Niles:''' Daphne, it is the ''least'' I can do, believe me. Until you're fully recovered, consider me your full-time stand-in. Oh! Which reminds me, Dad... ''[grabs a VHS cassette from the bookshelf]'' I rented your favourite video... ''[hands Martin the case]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[delighted]'' Oh-ho-ho! ''Film/DeathWish''!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, I'll get your beer, I'm just frosting the mug in the freezer the way Daphne does! ''[heads into the kitchen]''\\
'''Daphne:''' I never frost your beer mug!\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, be quiet, will you? He's feeling very guilty and we have to help him work through it!\\
'''Daphne:''' That is just baloney and you know it. Shame on you for taking advantage of your son - I don't know how you sleep at night!\\
'''Martin:''' Well, pretty good since he started puttin' a mint on my pillow and a cup of cocoa by the bed!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' He never leaves ''me'' cocoa...\\
'''Martin:''' You have to fill out that little card. ''[traces a rectangle in the air with his finger]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh.
* Niles suggesting to Frasier that, if he's so concerned about appearing racist towards Mary while confronting her, they try and roleplay how he'd handle the suggestion, with Frasier playing Mary. Niles's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck realization]] when Frasier, a white man in his forties, starts acting like a SassyBlackWoman is just the start of it.
* In the end, Frasier manages to tell Mary about his misgivings with her approach, and she consoles him by revealing she's gotten a new radio show with a different station, and points out he could've approached her earlier... then points out that if he ''hadn't'', she'd be back in her old job at the bakery, resulting in her saying:
-->'''Mary:''' ''(sincerely)'' God bless your guilty white ass.
* In the final scene, Chuck has taken over for Roz' last few days off:
-->'''Frasier:''' Thank you for your call, Jill. ''[presses a button on his console]'' Well, Chuck, who else is on the line.\\
'''Chuck:''' Weww, Doctor Cwane, we have Winda on wine thwee, who bewieves peopwe awe waughing at hew.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[very long pause as he tries not to giggle]'' Maybe we can just come back to that one, Chuck.\\
'''Chuck:''' Aww wighty!
[[AC:717: Whine Club]]
* The Sunday brunch, with Frasier trying to break the ice between Mel and the gang. Things do not get off to a great start, as - like Maris - Mel has severe allergies to certain foods and Eddie, and the Bloody Marys Roz and Daphne start knocking back cause a bad case of InVinoVeritas to start breaking out.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[pouring herself a drink]'' May I pour you a Bloody Mary, Mel?\\
'''Mel:''' Oh, not for me, it's a little early in the day for hard liquor, don't you think?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[to herself]'' Not anymore. ''[removes the celery stalk from the glass and sits in Martin's chair]''\\
'''Mel:''' Niles, let's get this gravalax in the refrigerator- oh, hello, Eddie! ''[grabs him by the collar and turns him away from her grocery bag]'' Or... should I say "goodbye".\\
'''Martin:''' Huh??\\
'''Mel:''' Well, Martin, I'm sure you're going to be locking Eddie out on the balcony if people are going to be eating here! ''[heads into the kitchen with Niles]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Boy, I'll tell you who I'd like to lock out on the balcony.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Oh, please, let it be me.\\
'''Frasier:''' Now, now, may I remind you that we are having this little brunch in order to get acquainted with Mel. We owe it to Niles to give her a chance.\\
'''Daphne:''' I agree with Doctor Crane. ''[pours herself a drink]'' [[INeedAFreakingDrink We should all have another Bloody Mary.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' I didn't say that!\\
'''Daphne:''' It was implied.
* Martin insists that they must keep their negative opinions of Mel to themselves, reminding Frasier that he didn't like Lilith, neither of them liked Maris, and neither Frasier nor Niles liked Sherry. Unfortunately, Daphne is out of the room for this conversation, so when Niles asks his family and friends for their honest opinion of Mel, a cascade of PoorCommunicationKills ensues:
-->'''Niles:''' So?... ''[Frasier and Martin put on big fake smiles and shrug innocently]''\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deciding discretion is the better part of valour]'' Ooh, I'm gonna go let Eddie in! ''[hurries out to the balcony]''\\
'''Niles:''' Come on, seriously, I, I, I want you to be totally honest. Really. What do you think of Mel?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[entering from the kitchen and picking up her Bloody Mary]'' Oh, I don't like her at all. She's bossy and fussy and mean - she's all wrong for you! ''[into phone]'' Yes, I need a large pepperoni pizza. Yeah, and some cheese bread! ''[heads back into the kitchen as Niles looks stunned]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[hurries after Daphne]'' I'm sure she didn't mean that, Niles! ''[fake laughs]''\\
'''Niles:''' Well... ah... that was startling!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz returns from the balcony behind him]'' Yes, well, don't take that seriously, Niles, you know how women sometimes just form irrational dislikes for one another.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[indignantly]'' Oh!... That's great! I leave the room for ''one second'' and you rat me out!\\
'''Frasier:''' No, Roz, I-\\
'''Roz:''' No, it's okay! I don't have anything to hide! And I'm ''not'' irrational. ''[pours herself another Bloody Mary]'' She's pushy, demanding, and a gigantic pain in the ass. I'd dump her like radioactive waste! ''[sits in Martin's chair]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[even more stunned]'' Well! So, that's two of you in the anti-Mel camp!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[to Frasier]'' Oh, did you tell him what you thought of Mel too? ''[Niles gapes at Frasier in disbelief]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sighing]'' No, Daphne did.\\
'''Roz:''' [[OhCrap Oops...]] ''[beats a hasty retreat]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''Frasier??''\\
'''Frasier:''' I just think she's, she's Maris all over again. She's manipulative - I think you're repeating a terrible pattern!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[his shock gives way to anger]'' Oh, well, isn't this neat, we all have our ''individual'' reasons for disliking her. ''[sarcastically, as Martin and Daphne return from the kitchen]'' Hey, Dad, what's your reason for disliking Mel?\\
'''Martin:''' Well-\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[outraged]'' So you '''did''' tell him what you think of her! And after ''shoving'' me into the kitchen, and shaking your freaking finger at me!
[[AC:718: Hot Pursuit]]
* Niles popping by to learn Donny and Martin have gone off to a tractor pull.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(clearly not knowing)'' Oh.\\
'''Daphne:''' As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor, then see how far they can pull it through the mud.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(still not knowing)'' Ohhh.\\
'''Daphne:''' The answer to your next question is "beats the hell out of me".
* Shortly after, Martin and Donny return while Daphne is out of the room:
-->'''Donny:''' ''[removing a John Deere baseball cap]'' Where's Daphne? I got this little gift for her.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, a John Deere cap. How... ''[decides not to bother with a polite adjective]'' could you?
[[AC:719: Morning Becomes Entertainment]]
* As the episode opens, Frasier is re-negotiating his contract, and is confident of its renewal until Roz enters and tells him they are being booted out of their time slot so that Kenny can try ''Car Chat with Bob and Bethany'' in the afternoons instead. Frasier is convinced this is simply a negotiating tactic:
-->'''Roz:''' Well, I hope you're right.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, of course I'm right! Bob and Bethany, ''Car Chat'', '''please'''. I mean, how could anybody drone on for ''three hours'' about a subject that nobody even understands!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Yeah! We were there first!
* In the B-plot, Martin's ever worsening eyesight leads to renewed pressure from Frasier and Daphne for him to get glasses after he accidentally goes into the ladies' toilet at Café Nervosa.
-->'''Frasier:''' It wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, come on, don't ''you'' start too, there's ''nothing'' wrong with my eyes. Now, if you don't mind, I just want to sit here, quietly, ''[picks up what he thinks is his coffee mug]'' and have an- ''[realises he's actually picked up the cream jug; Daphne gives him a DisapprovingLook]'' have a... drink of cream. D'you have a problem with that!? ''[defiantly drinks a mouthful of cream from the jug]''
* Later in the week, Bebe Glaser stops by Frasier's apartment to get up him to date on the progress - or lack thereof - in his contract negotiations, and we get some brilliant snark between her and the regulars:
** The B-plot brushes against the A-plot when the doorbell rings just as Daphne is telling Frasier that Martin's new glasses - which are rather clearly ladies' glasses, and ugly ones at that, but they were the only frames he liked in the optometrist's entire stock - are just another target for her skill at pretending to like something. Which, naturally, is Bebe's InadvertentEntranceCue:
--->'''Frasier:''' I'm amazed you could keep a straight face all day!\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, I've done enough clothes shopping with your father. ''[doorbell rings]'' I'm pretty good at pretending to like things, no matter how horrifying I find them. ''[opens the door, and immediately puts on a big fake smile and welcoming tone of voice]'' Bebe, how nice to see you! ''[Bebe wordlessly hands Daphne her coat as if she were putting it on a coat hook and heads across to Frasier]''
** Negotiations are going badly; KACL haven't even come ''up'' to the "insulting" salary Frasier said he wouldn't accept. Niles arrives shortly afterward to join Frasier for lunch, and has a creative suggestion for Bebe - to which she has an equally creative riposte:
--->'''Bebe:''' Don't worry, dear, I just need to find a way to throw a scare into 'em.\\
'''Niles:''' Have you tried turning into a bat?\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[smiles thinly at Niles]'' I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of ''tiny creatures''.
** As it turns out, Bebe has accepted an offer for Frasier and Roz to take over local morning show ''AM Seattle'' for a week (true to form, she accepted the offer ''before'' telling Frasier about it), anticipating that KACL will agree to her terms when they see they risk losing Frasier to television. Frasier agrees, enticed by the possibility of making the show more highbrow, and Bebe celebrates in the usual way:
--->'''Bebe:''' ''[takes out her phone and her cigarettes, removing one from the latest pack]'' May I?\\
'''Frasier:''' On the balcony, if you don't mind.\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[rhapsodically]'' Mind? I don't want a single puff tearing up the baby blues of TV's newest sensation! By this time next week-\\
'''Niles:''' You heard him, if you're gonna blow smoke, do it on the balcony. ''[Bebe glares at Niles and heads onto the balcony]''
* Niles, unsurprisingly, is disgusted at Frasier for accepting a morning TV job, telling him it's "the final step in [his] descent from legitimate psychiatrist to dancing bear." And, apparently (yet also unsurprising), Frasier's desire for attention is nothing new:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, we are talking about doing a sophisticated television show for one week in order to improve my contract negotiations.\\
'''Niles:''' This has nothing to do with your contract negotiations! ''You'' have been an applause junky ever since you first set foot on a grammar school stage.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[indignant]'' I was drawn to the theatre because of its discipline and collaborative spirit!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''please'', in your sixth grade production of ''Theatre/{{Oklahoma}}'', you took so many curtain calls, Mrs. van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage!\\
'''Frasier:''' That woman never understood me '''or''' the role of Farmer No.3!
* Just as Frasier is rubbishing Niles' suggestion that Bebe is "some kind of malign witch who can transform people at will", Martin reappears, while still wearing the ugly lady glasses, while carrying Daphne's purse (in which he has been searching for his glasses case), prompting a very dry remark from Niles.
-->'''Martin:''' I can't find a ''damn'' thing in this purse!\\
'''Niles:''' If I say I'm sorry, will she change Dad back into a man?
* Unfortunately for Frasier, on their first morning, Matt, the director, tells him they're minutes away from airing a rerun as Roz hasn't arrived - and the threat continues to loom when she does arrive, at least until a bigger threat replaces it:
-->'''Roz:''' ''[stumbles into the studio, looking and sounding completely out of it]'' Hey! Sorry I'm late.\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz! Oh, for God's sakes, you look awful! Are you sick?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[as Frasier feels her forehead]'' No, of course not, I wouldn't be sick for our big debut, I'm totally fine!\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz, you're burning up!\\
'''Roz:''' Well, it is kinda hot in here! Maybe it's all these lights. If I could just get this jacket off... ''[but as she isn't wearing a jacket, she starts unbuttoning her blouse instead]''\\
'''Frasier:''' No, no, Roz, Roz, STOP, stop! ''[grabs her hands mid-unbutton]''\\
'''Matt:''' She's delirious!\\
'''Bebe:''' With anticipation, darling! Don't worry, I'll calm her down. ''[pulls Roz aside and shakes her violently]'' PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, d'you hear me, we need this show!\\
'''Matt:''' All right, everyone, we're doing a rerun, let the audience go, cue the tapes.\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[runs over to the director]'' Wait! Can't Frasier do the show without her?\\
'''Matt:''' This is a chat show. Who's he gonna chat with?\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[thinks]'' Me! I'll go on with him!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[appalled]'' You!? ''[shakes Roz violently]'' PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, ROZ!
* On their final morning on ''AM Seattle'', which begins with the duo wearing ponchos and sombreros for the "Friday Fiesta", Bebe shows Frasier his new KACL contract, but also tries to entice him with a long-term offer from ''AM Seattle''. Niles arrives in the middle of her "sales pitch":
-->'''Bebe:''' ''[grabbing Frasier like a drowning woman grabbing a life preserver]'' Admit it, darling, you want this as much as I do! ''[unnoticed by Frasier and Bebe, Niles walks up to the refreshment table to fetch a bottle of water]'' I saw it in your eyes during the pie-eating contest - nobody loves blueberries that much! It's the ''audience'' you love!\\
'''Floor Manager:''' ''[off-screen]'' Are you ready for Bebe and Frasier? ''[the audience cheers; Bebe and Frasier's faces light up, while Niles looks concerned]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Listen to them! They want you...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[caught up in the moment]'' They do want me, don't they!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[resting her head on Frasier's shoulder]'' Tell me to tear up the contract, Frasier!\\
'''Frasier:''' Maybe it is time for a change!\\
'''Niles:''' GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU SHE-THING!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disengaging from Bebe]'' Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sets down the water bottle]'' It's a good thing Dad started choking on that peanut or I'd have never come back here for water! ''Stop this madness!''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[grabs Frasier's arm]'' He can't stop it! No-one can, show business is in his blood!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[grabs Frasier's other arm]'' No, psychiatry is! Frasier, you're a ''healer''.\\
'''Bebe:''' Anyone can heal! You're better than that: you're an ''entertainer''...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh God, Niles... she's right! I love the audience. ''[sobbing theatrically]'' I know it's shallow, but it makes me feel alive!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[unimpressed]'' Do you have '''any''' idea how ridiculous you look in this costume!?
* Niles finally talks Frasier into renewing his contract with KACL. Determined not to give up her TV dreams, Bebe tries latching on to the nearest immediate male to sweet talk them into being her co-host:
-->'''Bebe:''' Then quit! Who needs ya? ''[adjusts her poncho]'' I'll find some other stuffed shirt who's happy to ride my coattails to fame. ''[grabs her sombrero, then inspiration strikes]'' Niles, you're a doctor!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[standing in front of Niles as though shielding him]'' '''Niles, don't look into her eyes!'''
[[AC:720: To Thine Old Self Be True]]
* At the beginning of the episode, Niles informs Frasier and Roz about a very overweight woman at the donut shop across the road who's clearly having problems stopping. They're horrified by Niles's apparent voyeurism.
-->'''Frasier:''' That's what you brought us over here for? To gawk at some poor woman's struggle with junk food!?\\
'''Roz:''' Big deal, so she's overweight, you don't need to point it out! ''(Niles gives them a confused look as they go to sit down again)'' It's rude.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's childish.\\
'''Niles:''' It's ''Maris''. ''(Frasier and Roz immediately rush back to the window)''
* This line from Martin while reading a smut newspaper:
--> '''Martin''': ''(to Frasier)'' Oh, will you stop moping. It'll all work [[FreudianSlip ass.]]\\
''(moments later...)''\\
'''Martin''': It's absolutely none of your boobs.
* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use the prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's initial reaction when the attempt to cut the chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[panicking]'' Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be... we're gonna have to go out on the balcony- ''I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves!''\\
'''Frasier:''' DAD!... I meant ''go to a locksmith''.
* When Daphne happens upon the stripper, Frasier (trying to keep Daphne from finding out he's hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party) [[StripperCopConfusion claims she really is a policewoman]] named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it. When she finds out the truth, she gasps, "Officer Nasty!" in horror.
* Due to a pile-up of circumstances involving Maris, Mel, a neighbour Frasier had been trying to court, and the stripper, Frasier eventually ends up confessing the truth. The capper is that he asks if his neighbour would want to date him at that point, and the stripper (named Dinah) chimes in that ''she'' would.
[[AC:721: The Three faces of Frasier]]
* Frasier finally gets a caricature on the wall of Stefano's, the upscale Italian restaurant at which he has been a regular customer since childhood. However, he is unamused to see that the caricature sports a ForeheadOfDoom, and as he, Martin, and Daphne return home, he vents his frustration:
-->'''Martin:''' Fras', will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh?... so, nothing jumped out at you as, I don't know, ''encephalitic!?''\\
'''Martin:''' So they gave you a big forehead, who cares? It makes you look smart!\\
'''Frasier:''' It makes me look like I discovered ''fire!''\\
''[later, after Niles (who bowed out of going to Stefano's after a childhood vomit incident) has arrived and asked what the surprise was]''\\
'''Daphne:''' They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.\\
'''Frasier:''' A ''touch?!'' I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!
* Niles chides Frasier for his vanity in objecting to the quality of his caricature after spending his entire life hoping to be immortalised on the wall at Stefano's. Frasier calls him out on his [[{{Hypocrite}} hypocrisy]]:
-->'''Frasier:''' Vanity has nothing to do with it! It's about misrepresentation! And you know, if I were you, I'd be careful about ''bandying'' about the word "vain", Mr. $250 Haircut! ''[Martin looks at Niles in disbelief]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[defensively]'' I have problem follicles.\\
'''Martin:''' Frasier, it's a ''caricature'', they ''exaggerate'' stuff. Now, if it were me, they'd have drawn, maybe, a big cane. ''[gestures to his cane]'' If it were Niles, they'd draw a barber cutting the hair off a giant sucker. ''[Niles looks offended; Frasier smirks at him]''
* Daphne tries to comfort Frasier, only for the conversation to take an unexpected turn thanks to her ongoing subconscious turmoil over the possibility that she might reciprocate Niles' feelings for her:
-->'''Daphne:''' I know you're sensitive about your big forehead. But we all have stuff like that! With me it's my eyes. I've always fancied sparkling blues instead of dull old brown.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Your'' eyes? ''[scoffs]'' Your eyes are not dull!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[pleased]'' Thank you, Dr. Crane, that's very nice.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, they're, they're... warm, and, and, uh... full of life.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[without thinking]'' You have beautiful eyes too. ''[Niles and Frasier absorb this; when Daphne finally realises what she has just said, she hurriedly sets down the parcel she is holding]'' Oh, goodness, I can't be lollygagging around here, I have to... [[INeedToIronMyDog to get Dr. Crane his oat bran!]] ''[she grabs something from the coat rack and hurries to the front door]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oat bran? Now?\\
'''Daphne:''' You'll need it for the morning! You've got to have something to sop up all that nasty cholesterol gumming up your heart! If not, I'm liable to come home and find you face down on the floor, with the dog gnawing off your foot. And I'm not making that up either, that happened. Cheerio! ''[shuts the door after her]''\\
'''Martin:''' I wish she moved that fast when I'm out of beer.
* Later on Frasier declares he has an idea about how to get the picture changed to a more flattering one, Niles leaves him with a parting shot, hoping he doesn't lose the idea inside 'that giant puppet head of yours.'
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(Indignantly)'' Giant puppet head indeed!
* At the episode's climax, Frasier finally loses his cool and chews Stefano out for hiring a third-rate artist to draw his portrait. As Frasier rips into the artist's apparent lack of skill, Stefano's elderly mother bursts into tears, and Frasier realises that ''she'' is the artist. Frasier's anger crumbles as a berserk Stefano chases him out of the restaurant with his tail between his legs.
[[AC:722: Dark Side of the Moon]]
* The episode opens with Daphne in a therapy session with psychiatrist Dr. [=McCaskill=], and the ensuing conversation reveals that a judge has ordered her to go into anger management counselling. Daphne tells Dr. [=McCaskill=] about the surprise bridal shower Donny threw for her at Niles' apartment, and the game of "toilet paper bridal gown" the guests played.
** Team A, which includes Donny as the "model" and Daphne's friend Holly as one of the "designers", produces a dress that looks more like a child's homemade mummy costume. However, Team B, which includes Martin as the "model" and Niles as the head "designer", gives us the funniest dress - or lack thereof:
--->'''Mel:''' Team B!\\
''[Martin's "costume" is revealed to consist entirely of a veil and a few strips of toilet paper criss-crossing his torso with a bow in the middle, making him look as though he belongs under a Christmas tree]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[embarrassed]'' We're not finished yet!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[angry]'' You shouldn't have spent so much time with the sketches!
** But Team C, with Roz as the "model" and Frasier as the head "designer", is the runaway winner with a startlingly realistic dress, complete with toilet paper bouquet.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[after Roz has removed the toilet paper dress]'' Roz, you know, some day, you're going to make a beautiful bride. Of course, your dress won't be made out of toilet paper. ''[Roz laughs]''\\
'''Niles:''' Or be white. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare and smacks him with a toilet paper bouquet]''
* Donny announces that he has invited Daphne's favourite brother over from England: Stephen! ... er, no. Billy? No. Michael? Nigel? David? None of the above - Donny has invited her parasitic, alcoholic, ''least'' favourite brother, Simon. Who sets up in Frasier's guest room and becomes TheThingThatWouldNotLeave, which leads to an unfortunate encounter when Frasier heads into his bedroom upon returning home from work:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[as Martin enters the apartment with Eddie]'' Mr. Crane, I thought you were out with Simon!\\
'''Martin:''' Nope, just Eddie.\\
'''Daphne:''' Then where's Simon?\\
'''Frasier:''' DAPHNEEEEE! ''[charges into the living room]'' Your brother is in my bed, NUUUUUUUDE!
* The climax, as Daphne finally reaches breaking point. As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by to provide some much-needed MoodWhiplash:
-->''[as Daphne opens the door to an irate Elliott Bay resident with a basket of dirty, wet laundry]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''[acidly]'' I know what you did. Someone saw you leave the laundry room. You threw all my wet clothes all over the floor!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[reaching not so much breaking point as shattering-into-powder point]'' Ohhh. I'm ''sorry''. I didn't realise they were still wet. ''[grabs the laundry basket]'' HERE! Let me help! ''[runs over to the fireplace]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' What are you doing?!\\
'''Daphne:''' Oooh! That's nice and hot! ''[starts throwing items of clothing into the fire]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' Stop it!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as Martin, Donny, and Donny's parents look on in horror]'' What, not fast enough for you!? Here! ''[runs to the balcony and opens the door]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''STOP IT!!''\\
'''Daphne:''' Maybe if we AIR-DRIED them! ''[runs outside and upends the basket over the edge as the neighbour continues to shout her protests]'' THERRRRRE! ''[hurls the basket to the balcony floor]'' That should do it! '''''YA HAPPY NOW?!'''''\\
''[HONK] [CRASH] [CRASH] [beep beep beep] [CRASH] [CRASH] [Donny's parents are appalled, Donny looks mortified, Martin {{Face Palm}}s, and Daphne herself visibly realises she has gone ''much'' too far. Even Simon and his three barfly friends are shocked. Enter the one person in the apartment who has no idea what has just happened...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[marching to the kitchen]'' [[WhileRomeBurns FINE! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''
* The episode's final scene likewise ends on a comical note of MoodWhiplash; Dr. [=McCaskill=] asks Daphne why she was wearing her favourite dress to her bridal shower if it was a surprise, forcing her to acknowledge that the real reason she went to Niles' apartment dressed in her best is because she thought he was finally going to tell her he loved her - and she was fully prepared to reciprocate. Her mind positively brimming with questions, she asks Dr. [=McCaskill=] what it means and what she should do, and gets a singularly unhelpful answer:
-->'''Dr. [=McCaskill=]:''' I'm sorry, but our time is up.
[[AC:723: Something Borrowed, Someone Blue, Part 1]]
* As the episode opens, Roz drops off a gift for Daphne, reasoning that she can't get married without something borrowed. Niles can't resist a dig at Roz' expense:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[opening the box]'' Oh! What a beautiful garter! ''[takes it out of the box and admires it]'' Look at all of the lovely detail.\\
'''Niles:''' [[ReallyGetsAround I especially like the little odometer.]] ''[Roz gives him a dirty look and backhands him in the stomach; Frasier smirks at Niles behind Roz and mouths "That's good!"]''
* Roz unwittingly sets herself up to be snarked at by Niles again minutes later when she begs Daphne not to seat her next to her ex-boyfriend Tim at the wedding reception (which is difficult as Tim is now dating Daphne's bridesmaid Annie):
-->'''Roz:''' ''[sighs, frustrated]'' This always happens to me. Is there no place I can go without running into some guy I dated?\\
'''Niles:''' I was reading about a Trappist monastery in the Amazon that they somehow built into the treetops.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[gives Niles another dirty look]'' Shut up, ya big doily.
* Daphne informs Frasier that she knows about Niles's crush. He's outraged, not being able to recall the little detail of just ''who'' clued her in.
-->'''Frasier:''' Someone blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut?! Who was it? Dad? Roz?\\
'''Daphne:''' You.
[[AC:724: Something Borrowed, Someone Blue, Part 2]]
* Frasier blaming Roz for his revealing everything to Daphne.
* While much of the scene is heart-wrenching, there's severe MoodWhiplash as Niles and Daphne's attempts to talk are ''repeatedly'' ruined by people bursting in, culminating in Simon and Gertrude Moon bringing the entire wedding party into the room, even after Niles and Daphne lock the doors (Simon stole Frasier's key).
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 8]]
[[AC:801 / 802: And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon]]
* Niles and Daphne having to break the news to Mel and Donny about what's happened. Donny faints, and Mel...
-->'''Niles:''' Please, say something.\\
'''Mel:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!'''''
* At the fake wedding reception for Niles and Mel, Martin decides to have his fun by faking concern the marriage won't last.
[[AC:803: The Bad Son]]
* Niles enjoying the fact he no longer even needs an excuse to see Daphne.
-->''[Daphne answers the doorbell to reveal Niles standing outside]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Hey Niles! I thought you were working.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, the patient cancelled, so I thought I'd drop by and see you. ''(sighs)'' Oh my god, you have no idea how good it feels to say that. I'm here to see ''you!'' No more flimsy pretences, no more making tedious small talk with dad!\\
'''Martin:''' Hey, Niles, it's 82 in Florida!\\
'''Niles:''' Here to see Daphne, dad!
[[AC:804: The Great Crane Robbery]]
* Frasier and Mel's [[BlatantLies warm reunion]] at Café Nervosa.
-->'''Mel:''' Frasier, you're looking-\\
'''Frasier:''' And you. We must do this again sometime. ''(flees)''
* Frasier redesigning his apartment after new KACL owner Todd takes a shine to it and imitates it exactly. At the end of the following montage, Frasier has gotten rid of everything in his apartment except Martin's chair. Then Todd shows up to say his apartment is getting media coverage. A horrified Frasier tries to sit down, only [[HoistByTheirOwnPetard there's a problem there]]...
* Niles, being forced to act like a jackass by Mel, is told to insult a man at dinner so Mel can have justification for divorcing him. And when Niles does, it all goes horribly right.
[[AC:812: The Show Must Go Off]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in this episode. Or even better, the end of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].
[[AC:813: Sliding Frasiers]]
* In this episode-long parody of ''Film/SlidingDoors'', Frasier's love life undergoes different twists and turns leading up to Valentine's Day (although both end with him single and still looking) depending on whether he decides to wear a suit or a more casual sweater to a speed date (at the time, a new innovation). In the "sweater" path, he has a miserable time at the speed date, which takes a while to register with Martin:
-->''[a sullen Frasier trudges into his apartment, hurling his keys onto the shelf, as Martin watches TV]''\\
'''Martin:''' Hey Fras. How'd that speed date thing go?\\
'''Frasier:''' Could ''not'' have been ''worse''.\\
'''Martin:''' That's nice.\\
'''Frasier:''' You're not listening, Dad.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh - I'm sorry, son. ''[he mutes the TV as Frasier hangs up his coat]'' Well, d'you get any phone numbers?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but... if I ever wanna track any of them down, I can always write to them, care of... the bottom of the barrel. ''[rips off his nametag]''
* Things are going rather better for Niles and Daphne, especially in the "sweater" path. As Frasier is feeling sorry for himself, Daphne arrives with a double armload of grocery bags:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[opening the door in response to Daphne knocking]'' Oh, oh, hi Daphne, here, let me help you with that. ''[takes two of Daphne's grocery bags]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, thank you, Dr. Crane.\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, of course, yes. ''[looks at the bags]'' Boy, you're really loading up, aren't you?\\
'''Daphne:''' It's for Niles' Valentine's dinner!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that's not 'til next week!\\
'''Daphne:''' I know, but it's a complicated recipe, I need time to practise. You two are gonna be my guinea pigs! ''[heads into the kitchen]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sotto voce, to Frasier]'' Maybe we could fake our own deaths.
[[AC:814: Hungry Heart]]
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because actress Jane Leeves was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in this episode. She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is icing on the cake.
--> '''Martin:''' Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!
[[AC:815: Hooping Cranes]]
* An ecstatic Martin comments on Niles making the free throw shot. The delivery is what makes it funny:
--> '''Martin''': I know I always told you boys that sports aren't important... but they ''are''.
* In the b-plot, Roz starts dating a French guy, despite only speaking two words of French (''oui'' and ''non''), and when she wants to break it off with him, asks Frasier for help. Turns out he's been wanting to break it off with her as well, so while Roz is reciting her planned break-up speech, Frasier and the guy are discussing where to find a good steak.
[[AC:816: Docu.Drama]]
* Frasier, ranting about being called overbearing by Roz, gets defensive.
-->'''Frasier:''' I'm just passionate! And ''right!'' And [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs passionate about being right!]]
* "I have got to show her once and for all that I am not some meddler and she is only being paranoid! [[HypocriticalHumor Now I'll be in my room, plotting some way to prove it.]]"
* John Glenn in the recording studio, while Roz and Frasier are having a discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and the other astronauts were told to cover up some of the things they saw up there....
[[AC:817: It Takes Two to Tangle]]
* Trying to distract the wealthy Penelope Janvier's son William, who objects to his mother's philanthropic ways, Niles claims one of her party's servers wants her to fund a play. Soon, he's confronting some waiters about it:
-->'''William:''' All right, listen up! Which one of you snack-jockeys is trying to get a play produced?\\
''(every waiter in the room raises their hands, as do some of the guests)''
[[AC:819: Daphne Returns]]
* Roz tells Frasier that she is planning to write a children's book based on a story her mother told her when she was younger and that she is now using to entertain Alice (unaware that [[Literature/{{Heidi}} the story has already been published]]). Frasier recalls that he and Niles wrote children's detective stories with themselves as young sleuths when they were younger, "along the lines of a ''[[Literature/TheHardyBoys Hardy Boys]]'' or a ''Literature/NancyDrew''..."
-->'''Roz:''' "The Nancy Boys"?
* After Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6t9R4GBejo he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:]]
-->'''Niles:''' Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[Offended]'' Are you saying I'm not psychic?!\\
'''Niles:''' Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
* Daphne tops everything with this line when Niles thinks they're going to have make-up sex.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(icily grinning)'' Well, at least we know who's ''not'' psychic.
[[AC:821: Semi-Decent Proposal]]
* While playing a game of truth, Daphne and Niles reveal two dark secrets they've never told anyone. Roz isn't very impressed by either (beating up a kid with rickets for Niles, stealing a teddy bear and then returning it for Daphne), and decides she shouldn't share hers with them. Martin tries to convince her.
-->'''Martin:''' Well, come on, I'll tell you what: whisper it in my ear, and if I think they can handle it I'll tell them.\\
'''Roz:''' Okay.\\
''(Roz leans in and whispers into Martin's ear. After a few seconds his smile vanishes and he looks appalled. He stands up, and without a word starts walking off to his room, stopping only to look back at Roz with horror.)''
[[AC:822: A Passing Fancy]]
* Frasier is tutoring Kirby, which isn't going well. At one point, Frasier tries to sweeten the deal:
--> '''Frasier''': All right, Kirby, I'm gonna make you an offer. If you will agree to knuckle down and study, I will treat you to a sumptuous dinner at Les Habitants. How does that sound?\\
'''Kirby''': You and me at a fancy French restaurant?\\
'''Frasier''': That's right.\\
'''Kirby''': Kind of gay.
[[AC:824: Cranes Go Caribbean]]
* It seems the weekend getaway to Belize that ultimately turns into a Crane family vacation has an especially powerful effect on Niles - to Frasier's disgust:
-->'''Niles:''' Frasier, this vacation is going to do you good! ''[pats Frasier's leg]'' This place is completely freeing. Would you believe that today I dabbled in public nnn''nudity''? ''[Frasier looks uneasy]'' Daphne and I found a secluded cove on the beach. We shed our garments and surrendered ourselves to the sand, the sea, and one rather curious grouper! ''[grins]''\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TooMuchInformation Don't you have a diary!?]]
* At dinner, Martin gleefully tells a worried Daphne and Niles that the skipper of his fishing boat has a telephoto lens and posts pictures of nude beachgoers in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day" - unaware that his fellow diners have apparently become that day's "catch". In TheStinger, Niles smuggles the picture out of the bait shop in his shirt and shows it to Daphne; the gradual shift in their expressions from shock to self-satisfaction (before they flee the fishing boat skipper, who runs after them with a hammer when he discovers the photo missing) is hilarious.
* Frasier [[RantInducingSlight loses his cool]] when he finds out that the seafood restaurant is out of every fish dish on the menu and they offer him steak instead.
-->'''Frasier:''' There is an ocean [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal full of fresh fish not fifteen feet away]], [[LargeHam but why not try a slab of artery-clogging, hormone-injected, frozen red meat instead?!?]]
* And once Frasier has stomped off, an outraged Martin asks the waiter why no-one told him they had steak.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 9]]
[[AC:901 / 902: Don Juan in Hell]]
* Frasier trying to figure out his feelings re: Claire or Lana, and the montage of him asking everyone, including Martin, Daphne, and a janitor on the plane home.
* The entirety of the second half, where Frasier, now agonizing over his decisions, heads out for a drive. He soon gets joined by a hallucination of Lilith, followed shortly after by Diane. And then he starts seeing a hallucination of Nanette when he first met her - a young, CuteButCacophonic hippie.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Mamma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
* Frasier's attempts to flee his own mind turning on him aren't helped when he opens the door to the cabin and sees a veritable horde of all the girlfriends of the week from across the series.
-->'''Frasier:''' It's every woman I've ever dated!
[[AC:903: The First Temptation of Daphne]]
* In the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
* Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
-->''[the cricket chirps; Frasier frantically slaps the kitchen counter with a fly swatter, but to no avail]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[slumps, defeated]'' Damn it!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[entering and getting a beer from the fridge]'' Geez, you still at it? Why don't you go to your room, you won't even hear the thing if you close your door!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[wild-eyed]'' Close my door!?... And just ''concede'' defeat, I know, here's a better idea, I'll just move out and let him have the run of the place! That's good, I'll have two apartments, one for me, one for my cricket! ''[Martin gives him a "Stop being ridiculous" look; Frasier calms down]'' I ''tried'' closing my door, and I could still hear it. ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier jolts, despair in his voice]'' Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[heading into the living room]'' That prayer doesn't get answered around here.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[shoots Martin a DeathGlare, then follows him and points the fly swatter at him]'' THIS IS YOOOUR FAULT! ''You're'' the one who brought him here!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sitting in his chair]'' What's the big deal?! If you were paying a ton of money to stay in some country inn, you'd be loving the sound of crickets!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, well, I love a babbling brook, too, but that doesn't mean I want one '''surrrging''' through my condo! ''[throws the fly swatter onto the dining table and heads for the phone]'' I'm calling an exterminator.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[horrified]'' No, you can't do that, the chemicals are too dangerous for Eddie!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[stops in his tracks]'' All right, fine, you have ''twenty-four hours'' to get that ''intruder'' out of here, or I'm calling, Eddie or no Eddie! ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier slowly turns toward the kitchen, a tortured look in his eye]'' It ''taunts'' me.
* Frasier and Martin finally catch the cricket with the aid of a gecko on a dental floss leash, but the two Cranes, high on the thrill of the hunt, reason that crickets only chirp to attract mates, so there must be a second cricket in the apartment, and they must release the gecko again. In TheStinger, as Frasier and Martin compete to see who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at once (a CallBack to the episode's first scene, in which Martin revealed that Duke can fit 27 marshmallows in his mouth), the camera pans to the end of the dental floss leash to reveal that Eddie has eaten the gecko.
[[AC:906: Room Full of Heroes]]
* The kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(after Daphne informs him about the "Old Man Crane" rumour)'' Who knows how these things happen?\\
''(cut to outside the apartment where a bunch of kids are playing when Martin and Eddie show up)''\\
'''Martin:''' Whoa! Hey, hey, keep it down, will ya?\\
'''Kid:''' We're just playing.\\
'''Martin''': I know, but... you know how Old Man Crane gets, especially on Halloween, or as he calls it, "harvest time".\\
''(the kids scream and run away in terror)''
* Every single time Niles imitates Martin, and the two go "HA!" simultaneously.
[[AC:907: Bla Z Boy]]
* Frasier insists ThereAreNoCoincidences when Martin spills oil on his Berber rug, thinking Martin did it on purpose, whether consciously or subconsciously. Martin's reply is priceless.
-->'''Martin:''' For the last time, this was not malicious, it was an accident!\\
'''Frasier:''' I don't think you know the difference!\\
'''Martin:''' Yes, I do! ''(points at rug) That'' was an accident! ''(angrily squirts oil all over Frasier's shirt and face)'' '''''THIS IS MALICIOUS!'''''
* Frasier accidentally sets fire to the chair while it's perched on the balcony while he's removing the stain from the rug. His attempts to put out the fire lead to the chair toppling off the balcony, leading to this perfectly timed moment:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(walking on the sidewalk with Martin)'' Dr. Crane's moods never last very long. [[TemptingFate I'm sure we've seen the worst of it.]]\\
''(The smoking chair '''CRASHES''' right in front of the shocked duo.)''
* Frasier makes a complete duplicate of Martin's chair, leading to one of the biggest ironies of the show.
-->'''Frasier:''' You can't find that [chair for sale anywhere], Dad -- it doesn't exist anymore. Which is why I contacted a master builder, showed him some photographs, and had him duplicate it. As for the material, I tracked down the original manufacturer, and once I got them [[OldShame to admit they made it]], I had them reweave it!\\
'''Daphne:''' It must have cost a fortune!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes -- ironically, this is now the most expensive piece of furniture in the entire apartment!
[[AC:910: Junior Agent]]
* Frasier, feeling Bebe is dumping him for the newest hot commodity and pawning him off on a ditzy underling, gives a tender speech about how this means they must part ways, concluding with:
-->'''Frasier:''' And screw, may I add, '''YOU!'''
* Then it turns out that underneath that ditziness, Bebe's choice of underling is almost as much of a shark as she is, and she successfully talks Kenny into listening to her. [[ItMakesSenseInContext By stealing his pants.]]
[[AC:911: Bully for Martin]]
* An infatuated Roz turning everything around to her relationship with Roger, so that even the most artsy thing Niles can think of won't stop her. It gets to the point where he's totally willing to abandon Daphne rather than stay.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(to Frasier, who's just sat down)'' Frasier, order your coffee and get out of here.\\
'''Frasier:''' What about Daphne?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(shakes head)'' Forget about Daphne, it's too late for her.
[[AC:912: Mother Load, Part 1]]
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston, one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' [[HypocrisyNod Bigger.]]\\
''(Martin laughs.)''\\
'''Frasier:''' That's ''not funny''!
* Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
-->'''Frasier:''' This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''! (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]] unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')\\
'''Niles:''' How did you do that?
* Followed by Frasier's epic "CAM WINSTOOON!"
[[AC:914: Juvenilia]]
* Frasier, with a little help from Kirby of all people, managing to eviscerate the smug little twerps of Teen Scene after they've spent the entire time tearing him a new one.
[[AC:915: The Proposal]]
* There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of the episode. Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.
[[AC:916: Wheels of Fortune]]
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''
[[AC:918: War of the Words]]
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end: [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially the "legend" of Niles Crane.
-->'''Martin:''' Choked... or was it an ''elaborate conspiracy''?\\
'''Freddie:''' What?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(looking over the back of his chair)'' Oh, thought I heard him coming. Nah, he choked.
[[AC:919: Deathtrap]]
* Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. [[LargeHam Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold]]--and the camera work brings it UpToEleven. The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in {{Flashback}} showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.
-->'''Niles:''' So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some--some sort of...violent ''accident''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Violent'', yes... ''(looks up at Niles)''...but an accident...?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge)'' MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!\\
'''Frasier:''' MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRRR MOST '''FOUUUUUUUUUUUUUL'''!!!
[[AC:920: The Love You Fake]]
[[AC:921: Cheerful Goodbyes]]
* As the episode opens, Frasier re-assures [[Music/RufusWainwright Jeremy]], a teenage caller, that problems that seem big now may have a positive impact on who he is in later life, and cites a young man he knew who wet the bed until he was 12, "Or was it 13? Boy, you'd think I'd remember, I slept in the lower bunk," for whom the experience allowed him to develop the empathy that is critical to his professional work as a psychiatrist. The now grown young man doesn't take this revelation lightly when he joins Frasier on a trip to a conference in Boston:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[as he, Niles, Daphne, and Martin head through the arrivals area at Logan Airport]'' Oh, I love returning to Boston, there's just something in the air!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[every word dripping with TranquilFury]'' Perhaps the toxic gas spewing from your gigantic mouth.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[fishes his checked bag tag out of his carry-on bag]'' Oh, Niles, will you just let it go? I didn't mention your name.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, no, you just said it was someone with whom you shared a bunk bed who is now a psychiatrist. I'd say that narrows the field down to, ''[pretends to think]'' hmm - '''me.'''\\
'''Frasier:''' But only to someone who knows you're my brother! And who would that be?\\
'''Niles:''' My patients!\\
'''Martin:''' The guys at work.\\
'''Daphne:''' One of the flight attendants.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[looks at Daphne, then rolls his eyes]'' Oh, so that's why she looked at me that way when I told her I spilled my drink.
* Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* Frasier, Daphne, and Martin are all enjoying themselves at Cliff's farewell party - Frasier because of the attention he is receiving as a minor celebrity, Daphne because she actually believes Cliff's nonsensical "fascinating facts", and Martin because he has found a kindred soul in Norm. Niles, however...
-->'''Carla:''' Hey! White bread! ''[sits in one of the empty seats at Niles' table]'' What could possibly be wrong on this most wonderful of nights?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, uh... no offence, it's just that we had reservations at one of the finest restaurants in Boston, and instead we're eating trail mix and drinking this... ''[reads the label on the bottle in the middle of the table; horrified]'' Oh dear God, it's just labelled "Wine"!\\
'''Carla:''' ''[grins and taps Norm, who is sitting behind her]'' Hey Norm, doesn't he remind you of Frasier? ''[leans toward Niles]'' Say "indubitably".\\
'''Niles:''' ''[put upon]'' Must I?\\
'''Norm:''' ''[as he and Carla laugh]'' It's uncanny!
* Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
* And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
-->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! [[RapidFireNo No! No! No!]]
[[AC:922: Frasier Has Spokane]]
* The KQZY station manager tries to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[INeedAFreakingDrink Hey, what's this over here? Free liquor?!?]]
[[AC:924: Moons Over Seattle]]
* It seems Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in the road:
-->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* Frasier tries to clear the air after sleeping with Roz.
-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 10]]
[[AC:1001: The Ring Cycle]]
* As the episode opens, Niles and Daphne have eloped to a casino chapel in Reno. As Niles is looking over the selection of rings (having accidentally left the ones they planned to use back in Seattle), Daphne's mobile rings; it's Roz, whose building is on the news ("some murder/suicide thing"). Roz tells Daphne to turn on the television so she can see her waving, so Daphne has to explain that she isn't in Seattle because she's marrying Niles in Reno. Cue the two of them {{Squee}}ing ecstatically while Niles' credit card is run by the wedding officiant:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[signing his credit card receipt]'' Apparently it's some sort of dolphin emergency.
* Martin mentions that he made his own lunch, and Frasier briefly assumes that Martin created some vile culinary concoction before finding out that Martin just packed a bunch of snacks. He's still miffed, though.
-->'''Frasier:''' Two bags of chips, three puddin' cups, and a root beer.
-->'''Martin:''' What's wrong with that?
-->'''Frasier:''' A, this is not a lunch, and B, I fail to see how it took you so long since you did not make anything but simply transferred smaller containers into a larger one!
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.
* The group's hilariously awkward behavior when they spot Donny at the courthouse, from Frasier's panicked order for everyone to ''look at their shoes'' to his excuse for everyone but Daphne and Niles to leave the conversation.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[excitedly]'' Say, is that a drinking fountain over there!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[just as excitedly]'' It sure looks like one! ''[he, Frasier, Roz, and Gertrude race toward said drinking fountain]''
[[AC:1002: Enemy at the Gate]]
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", an unknowing Frasier describes the ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and, let's face it, someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars.
-->'''Roz:''' ''(silently puts her head to the table in embarrassment)''
[[AC:1005: Tales from the Crypt]]
* The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)--and the grand finale.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(To one of the "zombie" actors)'' I ''am'' getting "dead" from you.... I am not getting "undead".
* Roz and Martin's objections to Frasier's prank:
-->'''Roz:''' Everything's gonna go wrong! For one thing, Bulldog's gonna know something's up, 'cause Kenny hardly ever makes him work at night! And then look at all these cameras and all these wires, I mean, what if he spots these?\\
'''Martin:''' And the zombies, as soon as he sees them he's gonna know it's a prank, because he just pranked you! AND THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES!
[[AC:1006: Star Mitzvah]]
* This exchange showing off how fandoms can cross lines.
-->'''Frasier:''' Noel, ''Franchise/StarTrek'' is just a TV show.\\
'''Noel:''' ''(retorting)'' So was ''Literature/BridesheadRevisited''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''([[TranquilFury through gritted teeth]])'' You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that.
* Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]] Bonus points for the nerdy kid translating it to invoke "it sounds better InTheOriginalKlingon" trope verbatim.
* As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
-->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
* Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod, while Daphne learns for the first time of Niles' drunken one-night stand with Lilith as seen in "Room Service" and asks if there are any other ex-girlfriends he hasn't told her about. To Niles' horror and Daphne's outrage, Frasier carelessly mentions another woman that he claims he "wouldn't count", and as the conversation turns ever more awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
* Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending him Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}} ("I bet it still has some of her DNA on it!"), but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
* After Frasier and Lilith embarrass themselves (Lilith by bursting into tears and asking Freddie not grow up), the Rabbi comes up to them after the ceremony and tells them they must be very proud...of Freddie, not themselves.
* In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
[[AC:1007: Bristle While You Work]]
* Frasier is interviewing for a new housekeeper now that Daphne is moved out. A RunningGag is how he tells the prospective employees something and then finishes the sentence negatively after they leave:
--> '''Frasier''': Thank you for coming, Mrs. Wilkins. Of course, we have several other of candidates to interview, but we'll be sure to let you know by the twelfth... ''(closes door)'' Of ''never''!\\
''[later, after Trish's interview]''\\
'''Frasier''': I'll be sure to call you the 2nd... ''(closes door)'' I lose my mind!
** Martin does it himself towards the end of the episode when they fire Trish:
---> '''Trish''': Okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week.\\
'''Martin''': Sure, sure. And there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the 1st... ''(closes door)'' ...Asteroid hits the Earth!
** Martin reveals to Daphne that Frasier was unsure of hiring Daphne at first because he thought she'd steal. Naturally, she's offended.
---> '''Daphne''': Did I look like a thief? Was it me shifty eyes?
[[AC:1010: We Two Kings]]
* When Niles and Frasier are arguing over where to have Christmas:
-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
* Later in the episode:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not the center of the universe!
[[AC:1012: The Harassed]]
* Julia and Frasier get into an intense name-calling argument. Suddenly, Frasier asks, [[SlapSlapKiss "Are you as turned on as I am?"]] Rather than the typical reaction (see other episodes in the series), Julia is repelled and this kicks off the station putting on a harassment seminar so she doesn't sue.
* Bulldog arrives at the harassment seminar. The facilitator asks him to take a packet but he tells him, "Got an old one."
--> '''Bulldog''': [[IgnoredAesop By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on.]]
* The fact that the seminar is being hosted by a company called "Harassment Solutions".
* Gil has a great bit, an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.
[[AC:1013: Lilith Needs a Favor]]
* The title refers to Lilith wanting Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child. When Lilith arrives earlier than expected, Martin immediately proves his comment to Frasier that he can't come up with a good excuse on the fly by coming up with a classic INeedToGoIronMyDog excuse just to get away from her:
-->'''Martin:''' I have to go... practice... my signature.
* While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...[[ComicallyMissingThePoint which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles]]--who would in turn her down...[[InsaneTrollLogic which would lead to...]]
-->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Long pause)'' [[FlatWhat What?]]
* Martin ''then'' goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics ''that'' would cause:
-->'''Martin:''' Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles '''''and''''' Freddie... And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father '''''and''''' his brother and Niles would be your son '''and ''his own uncle!''''' It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story!
* The prolonged sequence when Frasier is [[ADateWithRosiePalms in the private room in the sperm clinic]]--and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him ''pointers''--leading to an epic--
-->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!
[[AC:1014: Daphne Does Dinner]]
* Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** The episode opens as yet another Frasier-and-Niles-hosted dinner party reaches a messy, premature, and hilarious end. As Daphne sits at the dining table with her chin in her hand and an "I knew this would happen" expression on her face, the guests storm out ''en masse'', one female guest slaps Frasier and says she bets he doesn't even have Tourette's Syndrome ([[HollywoodTourettes he tries shouting a few PG-rated oaths]] after her, to no avail), Niles stamps out another guest's toupee after it was ignited by flaming kabobs (Niles' own idea), the enraged caterer hands Frasier two lobsters and tells him to lose his phone number, and Martin appears from the bedroom wearing a sash and speaking Italian until his sons tell him he no longer needs to pretend to be "the Count". The rotten cherry on the melted sundae is a goat - one of several, apparently - throwing up in the kitchen.
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who has been invited but declined) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens in the oven catch fire, and the caterers have closed for the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking a pan of Cornish hens out of the oven and pulling a sheet of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw arrives, having been persuaded to attend after all by his gallery, but only meets a couple of guests before joining Daphne's mother to watch a pay-per-view boxing match upstairs. Said guests have to leave early and describe Shaw to Niles as a plain-spoken older man dressed in a plaid shirt and using a cane, a description Niles notices matches Martin - who has just arrived with a set of ramekins at Frasier's request. Unaware of Shaw's presence, Niles assumes that Martin has been mistaken for the artist and tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (As the real Shaw didn't want to attend due to his contempt for pretentious "art connoisseurs", he likely would have done something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her, as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.
[[AC:1015: Trophy Girlfriend]]
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
[[AC:1016: Fraternal Schwinns]]
* Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes.
-->'''Niles:''' Call me crazy but I ''like'' a bouncy tire.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Two'' bouncy tires, and a ''taut'' chain. ...That's good ridin'.
[[AC:1018: Roe to Perdition]]
* In the episode's B plot, Martin gets $60 from an ATM instead of the $20 he wanted to get, and is content to simply sit back with his free $40 until Daphne pressures him to return it, whereupon the other characters lampshade the classic device of Daphne telling a story about her crazy family. The best part is Martin's attempted interruption and Niles' quashing thereof:
-->'''Daphne:''' Just call them and tell them what happened.\\
'''Martin:''' Why should I?\\
'''Daphne:''' Because otherwise, you could end up like my brother Nigel and his baby teeth.\\
''[Frasier, Niles, and Martin exchange eye rolls, each clearly trying to persuade one of the other two to take the bait. Eventually...]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[with an "Oh, ''fine'' then" tone to his voice]'' What happened with your brother Nigel and his baby teeth?\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, like any child, the first time that he had a tooth fall out, he put it under his pillow at bedtime, and sure enough, the next morning he found that Winston Churchill had left him a shiny new coin.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[''utterly'' deadpan, raising his hand]'' Question.\\
'''Niles:''' No, Dad, we're not stopping. Go ahead, darling. ''[Martin scowls and lowers his hand]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, instead of being grateful, he got ''greedy'' and went off to school, punching people in their mouths and scooping up their teeth. ''[Martin is sickened]'' Of course, it didn't work and he got kicked out of school, became a thief, and eventually went to prison.\\
''[Martin looks confused, and gestures toward Frasier as if to say "And the point of this story is...?"]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[attempting to help]'' Where he... fittingly had all of his teeth knocked out?\\
'''Daphne:''' No, he lost his teeth years earlier in a rock-eating contest. Now that's an interesting story. ''[Martin {{Facepalm}}s]'' We were renting a house next to a quarry at the time-\\
'''Martin:''' All ''right'', all right, I'll call the bank!
* Martin's attempts to call the bank's toll-free customer service line serve up a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. Inevitably, he struggles with the voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to help do just the opposite...
-->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, give it here. ''[taking the phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin the phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Got me to the right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his arms up in frustration]''
* So Martin and Daphne go to the bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
-->'''Manager:''' ''[listens, then enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a chair in despair]''
* To Martin's shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the bank, tells her to pull around to the front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and accepts the settlement.
-->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?
[[AC:1020: Farewell, Nervosa]]
* '''Frasier:''' "I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma, so I think I could use some black coffee."
* The entire conversation about coffee sizes that follows from this, with Frasier converting between the various coffee shops to find the right size comparable to Cafe Nervosa's.
[[AC:1021: The Devil and Dr. Phil]]
* Bebe is trying to get Frasier back...and back into ''bed''. Niles has ''the'' most perfect remark on this, a CallBack to "Agents In America III":
-->'''Niles:''' I have it: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.
* The jokes about Bebe's questionable humanity reach a crescendo when Frasier meets her at her hotel room, and Bebe tries to seduce him, while ominous chanting is going on, the room's lit up with a red light, and she's surrounded by steam, and offering Frasier what he's always wanted. Frasier is almost tempted... then flees the room, panicking further when he sees her room number is (naturally) 666.
[[AC:1022: Fathers and Sons]]
* Eddie hopping on the couch and putting his arm on Dr. Leland while staring at him. When Frasier sits down on the other side of the couch, they both sip their sherry and cross their legs in unison. A helplessly confused Eddie stares alternatingly at each man.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 11]]
[[AC:1101: No Sex Please, We're Skittish]]
* Niles and Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.
[[AC:1102: A Man, a Plan and a Gal: Julia]]
* Having decided that he suffers from a case of MinorFlawMajorBreakup when it comes to his girlfriends and trying to break the pattern, Frasier tries desperately to pretend that he's perfectly happy with his unpleasant, rude new girlfriend Julia Wilcox. The pretence gets gradually more and more strained:
-->'''Frasier:''' Isn't this fun? [[BlatantLies I'm having a good time.]]\\
'''Daphne:''' She certainly takes a lot of calls at dinnertime.\\
'''Frasier:''' You know, that's exactly the kind of...flaw that the old Frasier would have...seized upon as a pretext to end the relationship, but I-I know now that... that impulse to run is-is really an indication that my feelings for her are just deepening, and um... gone are the days when I would have said something like... ''[despite his best efforts, his real feelings begin to break through:]'' '''''"How rude!"''''' ... or '''''"She's horrible. I've made a ghastly, ghastly mistake!"''''' ''[Forced smile returns]''
* Later, Julia is playing Pictionary with the Cranes and Daphne. Frasier makes a bad drawing, which causes Julia to make snide comments on all of them before choking on something. When Frasier finally notices, he excuses her to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...
--> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\
[Julia emerges from the bathroom.]\\
'''Julia:''' Nice towels, Frasier. You'd think a couple of old ladies lived here.\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TranquilFury Get out!]]\\
'''Julia:''' [disbelieving] Excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[SuddenlyShouting I said "get out"!]]\\
'''Julia:''' I'm sorry; have you lost your mind!?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, that happened earlier when we ''slept together''!\\
'''Julia:''' Are you breaking up with me!?\\
'''Frasier:''' You're damn right I am!\\
'''Julia:''' I want my purse!\\
'''Frasier:''' And I... ''my handtowel!''
[[AC:1103: The Doctor is Out]]
* Niles and Frasier assume Roz's new boyfriend Barry -- a buff, lisping guy whose job is a buyer -- is gay. Martin refutes it.
-->'''Martin:''' That guy's not gay! You know how you can tell? '''The muscles'''.\\
'''Niles:''' [[SarcasmMode Good point, Dad. Second tip-off: no poodle.]]
* When Roz and her boyfriend leave:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(to Barry)'' What, no biscotti for you?\\
'''Barry:''' Please — I'm a house.\\
''(Frasier and Niles mouth at each other, "So gay!")''
* Later in the episode, Roz settles the idea Barry is gay with Frasier.
-->'''Roz:''' Yeah, you know what Barry was doing from 10:00 until midnight last night?\\
'''Frasier:''' What?\\
'''Roz:''' '''ME, THAT'S WHAT!'''
* Niles chooses the worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
-->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
* When the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts ''bobbing to the beat''.
* Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
-->'''Alistair''': ''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!\\
'''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
* Frasier keeps insisting that Alistair thinks that he knows Frasier isn't gay and is just being a good friend. Niles snarks back the perfect line:
-->'''Niles:''' He thinks ''I'm'' gay and I'm ''standing next to my pregnant wife''!
* The jokes about Alistair mistaking Niles for gay get even funnier if you know that David Hyde Pierce ''is'', in fact, gay.
* Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier to a party and to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
-->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
* Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
-->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
* Frasier and Alistair are tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up" with him.
-->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
* Followed by this:
-->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
* The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
-->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''
[[AC:1107: Maris Returns]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from Frasier's return to private practice.
[[AC:1108: Murder Most Maris]]
* Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact that he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio The last straw.]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.\\
''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''\\
'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.
[[AC:1111: High Holidays]]
* Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie (which was actually eaten by Martin instead) and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel. The funniest part is after Niles realizes he's FakeHigh and runs off, Frasier stares at the wine and mutters, "Madness!"
* Frasier tries to make his brother feel better about his inability to be a rebel.
-->'''Frasier:''' You're a good man, Niles. In a way, isn't that rebelling against rebellion?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(smiles sadly)'' Nice try.\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, look at it this way -— you did get our cop father stoned tonight.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(considers this, then grins cockily)'' I did, didn't I?
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXCFjwUp9L8&t=2m18s The "Come to Seattle" ad]], which features Frasier's voice coming out of Eddie's mouth. It freaks out a high Martin.
-->'''Frasier!Eddie:''' Anybody want to go for a walk? Then why not come to Seattle?\\
'''Martin:''' ''Sweet Mother!!!''
[[AC:1112: Frasier-Lite]]
* Frasier has trouble keeping his weight loss team on point:
-->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
* Later, just before the final weigh-in:
-->'''Noel''': [[MeatOVision I see giant steaks with legs]].\\
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.\\
'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.\\
''([[TheDogBitesBack Noel slaps Bulldog right back]])''
* Niles and Martin are nursing an injured pigeon back to health. When Martin opens the pigeon's box to let the pigeon and Eddie become friends, Eddie wastes no time in grabbing the pigeon in his mouth and running out the door. This leads to an absolutely hysterical moment when Kenny wanders into the living room and, being desperately hungry, starts eating the birdseed Martin was feeding to the pigeon. Frasier passes by the half-eaten corpse of the pigeon in the hall before finding Kenny, who, in embarrassment from eating bird seed, covers his mouth, accidentally leading Frasier to believe that Kenny ''ate the pigeon out of hunger''.
* This leads to how Eddie helps the team lose their appetite.
-->'''Martin:''' ''(sighing)'' Stay out of the hallway. Eddie just threw up a dead pigeon, and now he's eating it again.
[[AC:1114: Freudian Sleep]]
* The way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
-->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.
[[AC:1115: Caught in the Act]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.\\
'''Roz:''' No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
* Then:
-->'''Frasier:''' If truth be told, it's been a while since I ''(covers Alice's ears)'' romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(rolling eyes)'' Next time you say something like that, cover ''my'' ears.
* A great line of RealitySubtext:
-->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
* This exchange when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious the studio audience reportedly had to be ''muted''.
[[AC:1116: Boo!]]
* The moment when Frasier - tired of being the butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting the screaming coulrophobic patient who was the inspiration for the outfit.
* Frasier trying to find a silver lining leads to this classic Niles snark:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, maybe we can look on this as a sign that you should begin a healthier lifestyle. Perhaps one day we'll look back on this it and you'll thank me.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, yes. Maybe then you can find a nice card for Frasier Iike, "Now that I'm old and looking back, I thank you for my heart attack."
* Frasier has a do's and don't's list of foods for Martin, with approved food having a little smiling heart picture next to it. Later, when Frasier notes Martin can't have sex for two weeks, Niles just can't resist.
-->'''Niles:''' What little picture is next to ''that'' one?
* Martin confesses to Ronee he suffered a heart attack. She's less than impressed.
-->'''Ronee:''' And that's it? No surgery, home the next day. That's a bee sting. ''({{beat}})'' Did they use the paddles?\\
'''Martin:''' No.\\
'''Ronee:''' Well, talk to me after they've used the paddles.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(mix of awe and shock)'' You had the ''paddles''?\\
'''Ronee:''' Let's just say I didn't have the best lipo guy.
[[AC:1117: Coots and Ladders]]
* The DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes.
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, I've committed a crime!\\
'''Niles:''' Don't tell me. You forgot to send the opera board a "thank you" note for the Christmas brickle.\\
'''Frasier:''' By God, man, it's a real crime! Punishable by law!\\
(''At this moment, a thunderclap and a flash of lightning.'')\\
'''Niles:''' By law?\\
'''Frasier:''' Of the United States of America!\\
(''Cue another thunder clap'')
* And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.
** When Frasier notes someone parking in his reserved space, and goes down to the car park with a hammer:
--->'''Niles:''' In an uncontrollable rage over the commandeering of your parking space, you took hammer to car! You are a vandal!\\
(''In an ImagineSpot, Frasier approaches a car... And angrily smashes in the windshield and hood with the hammer.'')
** When Frasier notes his loneliness after finding a newspaper full of potential prostitutes' phone numbers:
--->'''Niles:''' Don't tell me! In your desperation over being the only Crane man not to find love, you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable!\\
(''Cue another ImagineSpot; Frasier opens the door to a leather-clad hooker.'')
** Immediately afterward, Frasier gets fed up with Niles' jumping to conclusions:
--->'''Frasier:''' I did no such thing, you nit! (''beating him with the paper'') And I am telling this story!\\
'''Niles:''' Very slowly! I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything!
[[AC:1122: Crock Tales]]
* In the 2002 vignette, we get this gem of PurpleProse even by Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.\\
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation (several times over, apparently) of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' It's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee. Thank you, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[not really listening owing to the "come hither" look Daphne has been giving him]'' Glad you like it.
* The exchange by Daphne and Roz (who is in a dating dry spell) about Niles' prowess:
-->'''Daphne:''' ...and just when I thought I'd worn him out, he flips me over like a griddle cake, and off we go again!\\
'''Roz:''' Niles?!\\
'''Daphne:''' I couldn't catch me breath, it was like a marathon! I tell you, he's spoilt me for any other man.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(absolutely gobsmacked)'' ''Frasier's brother'' Niles?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(giggling)'' And guess how he woke me up this morning?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, ''shut up already!''
** Later, Niles and Daphne decide to run to her bedroom:
--->'''Niles:''' We'll be back very [[FreudianSlip quickie]].\\
'''Daphne:''' Quickly!\\
'''Niles:''' Quickly.
** Leading to this reaction:
--->'''Martin:''' You don't think they're gonna...?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[BrainBleach Oh, I have no idea. Try not to think about it.]]\\
''(at that moment, the Cinco de Mayo fireworks explode over the skyline)''\\
'''Roz:''' Wow, he really ''is'' good.
* The 1999 vignette opens with Frasier in costume as Uncle Sam for the KACL 4th of July parade float, telling Martin to wear the remote headphones he bought him so that he doesn't have to hear the baseball games Martin watches. Martin insists that Frasier deliver this instruction in character...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Martin the headphones]'' Dad, I bought you these headphones so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports dribble! Please put them on!\\
'''Martin:''' All right, I will. But only if you say it.\\
''[Frasier is halfway to the kitchen; his shoulders sag in dismay, but he decides that if this is what it takes...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[turns and [[UncleSamWantsYou points to Martin]] in imitation of the famous UsefulNotes/WorldWarI [[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Unclesamwantyou.jpg recruitment poster]]]'' I WANT '''YOU'''... to wear those headphones! ''[Martin laughs]''
* Daphne, [[ImpossiblyTackyClothes dressed in clashing polyester for an "ugly American" party with her English friends]], and Niles, asking if "Uncle Sam" didn't just hand him a mattress sale flier, are about to leave with Frasier when he notices the bunting on his balcony is askew, but as they go out to fix it, the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, locking them outside. Martin can't hear them through his headphones, while when Roz arrives (in costume as Betsy Ross), she goes straight out onto the balcony to watch a Blue Angels fly-by and gets locked out as well. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.
* In the 1996 vignette, set when Niles and Maris were still married, we get a vintage joke about her neurotic nature:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering from the corridor to Frasier's bedroom in a huff]'' Well. I finally got Maris calmed down. ''[picks up a glass of champagne from the bookshelf]'' I ''hope'' you're happy!\\
'''Frasier:''' All I said was, "Maris, why the long face?"\\
'''Niles:''' Yes - and now she's on the phone to her chin grinder in Zurich.
* Roz' arrival heralds both an explanation of how the crock entered Frasier's life and a nod to the Roz-Niles snark of the series' early years:
-->'''Martin:''' Hey, you hungry, Roz? There's cheese here! ''[lifts the lid off the crock]'' Oh... nobody opened it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dear God, Dad, that's... ''three years'' old, throw it out!\\
'''Martin:''' No, it'll be fine! You sure you don't want any? ''[reads the label on the underside]'' The label says it's "famously spreadable"!\\
'''Niles:''' Funny, Roz, doesn't your label say the same thing?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[smiling thinly]'' What does yours say, Niles - "May cause drowsiness"!?
[[AC:1123: Goodnight Seattle, Part 1]]
* The Crane Event Planning Luck strikes one last time with Martin and Ronee's wedding, due to a combination of a heatwave, a truck crash, Eddie eating some pate, and Daphne's brothers being allowed near a cannon. And then Daphne goes into labor while taking Eddie to the vets to get the wedding rings out of his stomach.
[[AC:1124: Goodnight Seattle, Part II]]
* When Frasier replaces Martin's chair with a designer Eames chair, Martin gives this line:
-->'''Martin:''' Mmmm, well this is pretty comfortable. I would have been okay with this!\\
''(Frasier reacts with an indescribable expression, a mix of anger, shock, and WeCouldHaveAvoidedAllThis.)''
[[/folder]]
[[AC:701: Momma Mia]]
* In the opening scene at Cafe Nervosa, Roz has set up Frasier with Jessica, a friend of hers, but as said friend is running late, Frasier is convinced he has been stood up. However, a patron at another table catches his eye, although she is with a man, so he asks Roz to establish if they're a couple. Unfortunately, Roz goes to the wrong "couple", and does indeed establish that the man and woman, Hank and Francesca, are not dating... and immediately begins flirting with Hank. Frasier plucks up the courage to introduce himself to Mia, the woman who caught his eye, and is pleased to hear the man accompanying her is not her boyfriend... until she says he's just broken up with ''his'' boyfriend and offers to introduce him to Frasier. To compound his embarrassment, Roz has told Francesca of his "interest" in her, and his attempt to explain the misunderstanding gets a very frosty reaction... and then he gets another one when Jessica finally arrives.
-->'''Frasier:''' Gosh, you know, you must think I'm some sort of a smooth operator.\\
'''Mia:''' Not really, no.
* The episode takes place the weekend of Martin's birthday, and Frasier and Niles are taking him to the family's old mountain cabin. Martin is wearing hip waders around the apartment to break them in for a weekend's fishing, leading to a gem from Niles when he and Frasier arrive:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello all! ''[takes in the sight of Martin in his hip waders]'' Well, there's a ''faux pas'' averted, I almost wore ''my'' big rubber pants today.
* Mia arrives not long after, and Niles immediately notices her as a dead ringer for the late Hester Crane, as does Martin when she arrives at the cabin:
-->'''Mia:''' It's so beautiful here.\\
'''Martin:''' Well, I'm glad you like it.\\
'''Mia:''' Are you kidding? I feel like I'm in Heaven!\\
'''Martin:''' I'm startin' to feel that way myself...
* Frasier and Niles return with some logs for the fireplace; Frasier is sporting a bruised thumb after Niles dropped a log on it, and he lays into his brother for the reason for his clumsiness:
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, ''nice going'', Niles!\\
'''Mia:''' What happened?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles dropped a huge log ''right'' onto my hand when he was startled by a moth!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[indignant]'' It was ''not'' a moth, it was a ''bat'', I could tell from that eerie, high-pitched scream!\\
'''Frasier:''' That was YOU! You know, I wish you'd see someone about this bug phobia of yours!\\
'''Niles:''' It is ''not'' a phobia, I have a healthy fear of our natural predators! It's us versus them, and frankly, I'm starting to wonder just whose side you're on!
* To the shock of the other Cranes, Frasier hasn't noticed the resemblance between his mother and his girlfriend, leading to the following hilarious exchange between Niles and Martin after Frasier berates Niles for being "so blind" regarding his bug phobia:
-->'''Martin:''' ''God'', she looks just like your mother!\\
'''Niles:''' I know. And Frasier... doesn't see it.\\
'''Martin:''' You're kidding!\\
'''Niles:''' No. And he has the gall to tell me ''I'm'' blind. He's ''clearly'' the one dealing with repressed material, not to mention the obvious Oedipal issues.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[nodding]'' [[BlahBlahBlah Argle gargle google goop.]]\\
'''Niles:''' ... what?!\\
'''Martin:''' Now you know how it feels, ''what are you talking about!?''
* Later, when they're having dinner, Frasier - referring to Niles's bug phobia - says that a psychiatrist should be self-aware. Since Frasier still hasn't figured out Mia's resemblance to his mother, this sets Niles off in a TranquilFury fashion.
-->'''Niles:''' So you're saying I lack self-awareness?\\
'''Martin:''' Why don't we change the subject? This is a great meal, Mia! \\
'''Niles''': It certainly was. Frasier, when it comes to girlfriends, you've certainly struck the ''MOTHERLODE''.\\
'''Martin''': Niles!\\
'''Niles''': ''[glances at Martin, pretending to look confused]''\\
'''Frasier''': You haven't even read her books yet, dad, it's a delightful series about an adventurous little panda!\\
'''Niles''': Sounds worthy of ''MOTHER GOOSE''!\\
'''Frasier''': ''[looks at Niles]''\\
'''Martin''': Uh, so what's coming next for you, Mia?\\
'''Mia''': Well, I have to swear you to secrecy. \\
'''Martin''': Alright!\\
'''Mia''': ''[giddily]'' It looks like that panda might just find its way into the attic!\\
''[Martin and Frasier laugh]''\\
'''Niles''': Oh, yes. ''Mum's the word.''\\
'''Martin''': ''[spills his water in Niles's lap]'' Oh, sorry, Niles. Would you maybe come into the kitchen and I'll just help you get dried off in there, all right?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh dear, it looks like these pants may have to be ''REPRESSED!''\\
''[Martin pushes Niles to the kitchen]''
[[AC:702: Father of the Bride]]
* After Frasier accidentally offers to pay for Daphne's wedding [[ItMakesSenseInContext (due to a bad case of the hiccups),]] he and Martin are desperate for an excuse to back out without hurting Daphne's feelings. Cue the following:
-->'''Martin:''' Donnie's not gonna let us pay for this! We're not even family!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes! You saw how he proposed, on bended knee! He's nothing if not a hopeless romantic!\\
''[Frasier opens the door to find Donnie on the phone]''\\
'''Donnie:''' Any idiot knows you gotta pay a hooker in cash!
* Later in the same episode, Frasier is [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qaQNnkq4xI desperately]] trying to convince Niles that his new "girlfriend" Sabrina is actually a high-class call girl:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say? Is she ''fascinated'' by everything about you?\\
'''Niles:''' Well...\\
'''Frasier:''' Even your collections?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[Defensively]'' Yes. I even showed her my collection of rare 18th century Portuguese bud vases.\\
'''Frasier:''' And how did she respond?\\
'''Niles:''' If you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collects porcelain and [[ExplainExplainOhCrap oh my God, I'm dating a whore!]] ... They have my ''credit card number''! I've been running up a ''tab''!
* Convincing Sabrina to leave doesn't take much:
-->'''Niles:''' Sabrina, time to go.\\
'''Sabrina:''' Your father and I were just talking.\\
'''Frasier:''' Did he mention he used to be a cop?\\
'''Sabrina:''' [[OhCrap Maybe we should go.]]
* As part of his attempts to plan Daphne's wedding, Frasier has hired a harpist, who's been in the background through the events. Then, as Martin talks with the minister Frasier hired...
-->'''Martin:''' ''(on Niles' Sunday school experiences)'' I remember it like it was yesterday...\\
''(harp music starts playing, causing everyone to look around in confusion)''
[[AC:703: Radio Wars]]
* KACL has hired a pair of {{Dumbass DJ}}s, Carlos and the Chicken, for their "morning zoo" show. They waste no time in antagonising Frasier with prank calls and quips about the size of his backside. After the first time, Frasier finds Daphne had been listening in her room. Just as he's saying it's a generational thing, Martin comes in, laughing about it as well. Then Frasier goes to leave.
-->'''Frasier:''' For God's sakes, I'm going back to bed. ''(heads toward his bedroom)''\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, oh, hey, Fras, wait a minute, uh, do you think you could get me a tape of the show?\\
'''Frasier:''' What on Earth for?\\
'''Martin:''' Well, how often do you get to hear your son on the radio?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(volcanic DeathGlare) I'm on the radio '''every day!''' (Martin throws up his arm as if to say "Geez, sorry I asked!" while Daphne tries not to laugh)''
* The second time they prank Frasier, he's in the tub, singing... which they catch, and ask him to stomp around his bathroom while singing. Meanwhile, Daphne, Martin and Niles are listening to the radio in the front room. As is Roz, who's in her car, [[{{Facepalm}} head pressed against the steering wheel]]. This time, we are treated to the sound clip "Frasier Crane's Humongous ASSSSSSS Contest!" as Carlos and the Chicken announce a $1,000 prize for a winning photo from their listeners.
* The would-be shutterbugs trying to get the perfect snapshot of his backside render Frasier a paranoid wreck, to the point that when he hears a knock at his front door, he first checks the spyhole, then opens the door and drags a startled Niles inside.
-->'''Niles:''' Why didn't you hold the elevator!? Didn't you hear me shouting? ''[goes to hang up his coat]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that was you? I'm sorry, Niles, I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stops in his tracks, then turns around]'' How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.
* The last straw for Roz comes when Carlos and the Chicken QuoteMine broadcasts to make it sound as though Frasier and Roz are having sex live on the air.[[note]] Perhaps they couldn't find the recording of Frasier having sex with Kate Costas live on the air as seen in "The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl"?[[/note]] She becomes the subject of a new contest for "rear view" photos, with a prize of $50 and a six-pack. She tells Frasier there were seven winners before she even left the house.
* Frasier comes to the station prepared to "eviscerate" Carlos and the Chicken with a series of acidic quotes from such historic wits as François de La Rochefoucauld, Creator/DorothyParker, Creator/OscarWilde, Creator/MarkTwain, and Creator/HLMencken,[[note]] One quote he probably should have consulted: Creator/{{Voltaire}}, "A witty saying proves nothing."[[/note]] even though Martin warns him this will set him up for the same unending mockery he and Niles endured as children when they dressed in bowler hats and umbrellas and pretended to be ''Series/{{The Avengers|1960s}}''[='=] John Steed. He rebuffs Roz's suggestions of slashing the [=DJs'=] tyres, cracking their windscreens, or simply beating the tar out of them:
-->'''Roz:''' ''[grabs Frasier as he heads into the booth while Carlos and the Chicken are live on air]'' No, Frasier, they're ''never'' gonna stop making fun of you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz, I don't care. I've just figured out something. You know, maybe you can't stop bullies from attacking you, but the only way they win is if they change who you are, and I'll tell you something, let them do their worst, they will not knock the bowler off of this head! ''[marches into the booth; Roz shoves the door open as he tries to close it]''\\
'''Roz:''' What does that mean!? ''[Frasier shuts the door on her]''
* Remarkably, Frasier does end Carlos and the Chicken's mockery of him over the air - but not in the way he expected...
-->'''Carlos:''' ''[into his microphone]'' Holy cow, look who just walked into the booth, Frasier Crane, the automatic sex pilot!\\
'''Chicken:''' What's up, love doctor? ''[pushes his microphone toward Frasier]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz watches from the window of the door to the booth]'' I think you two know what's up. There's only so much I can take, only so much ''anyone'' can take from a, a ''juvenile comic and his straight man! [looks at his list of quotes]'' I believe it was La Rochefoucauld[[note]] He pronounces it "La Roash-foo-coh". Remember this, it will be important later.[[/note]] who said-\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, lemme tell you something, I'll take my "straight man" ''[pats Carlos on the head, oblivious to Carlos' offended look]'' over your sex-starved producer any day, my friend!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[charges into the booth in a rage]'' OKAY, BUDDY!\\
'''Frasier:''' ROZ, ROZ, ROZ! I can handle this! ''[shoves her out again and shuts the door]''\\
'''Carlos:''' Hey, wait a second! I'm not your straight man! If anything, I'm the funny one!\\
'''Chicken:''' All right, dude, let's not start this again. ''[turns back to Frasier]''\\
'''Carlos:''' ''You're'' the one who just started it. ''On the air!''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[reading from his list again]'' It was La Rochefoucauld who first said, "If-"\\
'''Carlos:''' You know, you ''always'' do this!\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, Carlos, the therapist said NOT to use the word "always"!\\
'''Carlos:''' I just ''wish'' that you could say I was as funny as you are.\\
'''Chicken:''' Yeah, well, I wish I could say that too, but, um, who does all the funny voices!?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''La Rochefoucauld once said-''\\
'''Carlos:''' ''[his voice getting ever louder]'' If I'm so unfunny, how come I'm getting offered solo gigs?!\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, NOW I'm laughin', HA HA!\\
'''Carlos:''' You don't believe me? Ask our agent.\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[outraged]'' You talked to Zachary behind my back!?\\
'''Frasier:''' You know, gentlemen, if I could get a word in here-\\
'''Chicken:''' Hey, I'll tell you what, man, you think you can go out on your own, go ahead, be my guest!\\
'''Carlos:''' GREAT! Because I DON'T need you, and I DON'T need Carlos and the Chicken!\\
'''Chicken:''' Oh, really!? Well, best of luck, funny boy!\\
'''Carlos:''' Same to you, ''[leans toward the microphone]'' [[EmbarrassingFirstName DWAYNE!]] ''[leaves]''\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[points after him]'' Hey, man, that is ''not'' cool!\\
'''Frasier:''' Chicken! I believe it was La Rochefoucauld, the great French thinker, who-\\
'''Chicken:''' ''[rolls his eyes]'' Would you give it a rest, double wide?! I went to grad school too. And, PS, it's pronounced ''[with French accent]'' "La ROSH-foo-coh".\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[hurls down his pad]'' THAT'S IT! NO-ONE CORRECTS MY FRENCH PRONUNCIATION, YOU SON OF A- ''[the rest of his line is obscured as he chases the terrified Chicken out of the booth]''
[[AC:707: A Tsar is Born]]
* One word: "[[DrinkingGame VENEER!]]"
-->'''Sara Briggs:'''[[note]] In her capacity as presenter of ''The Antiques Roadshow''.[[/note]] But the real masterwork is the unique Art Deco headboard. It features a variety of veneers.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take a sip of their drinks; Martin is drinking beer, Frasier and Niles are drinking wine]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' Mahogany veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... burled walnut veneer...\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' VENEER! ''[all three take yet another sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' ... and zebra wood veneer.\\
'''Martin, Frasier, Niles:''' ''[now looking a bit dizzy]'' VENEER! ''[they still all take a sip of their drinks]''\\
'''Sara Briggs:''' And now, back to our...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, God... next week we gotta pick a different word.
* After having gotten a high horse from their antique clock, Frasier and Niles get a message from the Russian consulate, who comes over to inform them of one or two salient details about how the clock wound up in their family. In the past, one of the Romanovs tried eloping to America with the help of a maid, only to get caught. The Cranes are in fact descended from... the maid, who did a runner with the clock, moved to New York, where she worked as a prostitute before meeting their great-grandfather.
* Meanwhile, Martin had been planning to use the money gained from selling the clock to buy a boat. By the time he returns, the clock has already been reclaimed without Frasier or Niles getting a bean, but Martin has good news: He's not getting a boat. But he has bought a ''Winnebago''. Frasier and Niles are exactly as thrilled by this as you can imagine.
[[AC:708: The Late Dr. Crane]]
* After a battle between the Crane brothers over the climate control in Frasier's car leads to a fender-bender that leaves Frasier with a nose injury, the resulting ER visit leads Niles to discover that the hospital employs Maris' plastic surgeon, Dr. Mel Karnofsky, who is still billing him for her botox injections. Niles goes to Dr. Karnofsky's office - and discovers [[GenderBlenderName Mel]] is short for Melinda. Her obsession over cleanliness (''throwing away'' her white medical coat when she sees a smudge on the sleeve and taking another one from a whole closet of white coats in her office) and taste in fine art leave him smitten, but his hesitant attempt to ask her out goes in an unexpected direction:
-->'''Niles:''' Well - Mel, uh... I was wondering... uh... ''[rests his hand on a box of Maris' records from that year - and realises how dusty it is]'' Ooh.\\
'''Mel:''' Oh. ''[fetches a pack of wet wipes from her desk drawer]''\\
'''Niles:''' Uh... ''[chuckles nervously]'' I, uh... uh... this is a little awkward...\\
'''Mel:''' ''[handing him a wet wipe]'' I guess I-\\
'''Niles:''' Ooh. ''[wiping off his hand]'' Thank you, I, uh - uh - uh, I'm not really sure how to ask - uh... ''[shrugs]''\\
'''Mel:''' Mmm, I think I know what it is.\\
'''Niles:''' Uh-huh?\\
'''Mel:''' And you've got no reason to be nervous.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[brightening]'' Oh, really?\\
'''Mel:''' Yes. Just a few quick injections, and those nasty little wrinkles in your forehead? They'll disappear! ''[Niles is speechless]'' Well, that is what you were going to ask, isn't it?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[laughs]'' ... yes.\\
'''Mel:''' Well, it's a very simple procedure, although your forehead will be numb for a while, I can fit you in at, uh, 4:30. ''[heads to her office door]''\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, good, that gives me time to do something I need to do.\\
'''Mel:''' ''[as she leaves]'' Excellent.\\
''[Niles grimaces and repeatedly slaps his forehead in anguish]''
* Niles shows up at Frasier's apartment later that day, and the truth has to be bled out of him - literally:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[suddenly leans over Niles]'' Dr. Crane, don't move!\\
'''Niles:''' Why?\\
'''Daphne:''' There's a mosquito!\\
'''Niles:''' Where?\\
'''Daphne:''' On your forehead!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''[waves his hand over his forehead]'' get off, get off, get off.\\
'''Daphne:''' It's already gone!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[looks at Niles again]'' Oh dear, it... looks like it bit you.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[obviously faking]'' Oh, right - ow!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[putting two and two together]'' Niles... wrinkle your forehead for me, will you.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[long pause]'' Why would I do that?\\
'''Frasier:''' Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead. ''[Niles stares at Frasier, evidently trying and failing to do as he asks; Frasier's look turns downright accusatory]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[standing up in anger]'' I'm not your marionette!\\
'''Frasier:''' You got a ''botox injection!'' You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[as Daphne watches something in the air behind him]'' I - do - '''not!'''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[her gaze turns to the floor]'' Oh! That's strange! ''[picks something off the floor]'' The mosquito fell right out of the air, dead! ''[drops the dead parasite in the bin]''\\
'''Martin:''' What's a botox injection?\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, it's a cosmetic procedure they use to eliminate facial wrinkles.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, great, my ''kids'' are having plastic surgery, that's a nice age to get to.
* The A plot kicks into gear when the evening news (on the aptly named KYLL) reveals that Frasier is presumed dead (an annoying patient caused him to leave the ER before his name was called; when it was, the patient decided to say ''he'' was Frasier - and dropped dead of a heart attack). Niles' reaction - or, facially, total lack thereof - is the icing on the cake.
-->'''Frasier:''' Dear God!...\\
'''Martin:''' What the hell!?...\\
'''Daphne:''' That's unbelievable!...\\
'''Niles:''' ''[stiffly, his face still frozen]'' Outrageous!
* Frasier's apartment is flooded with gift baskets before the mistake can be corrected; Martin "accidentally" breaks the wrapping on as many of them as he can so that they can't be returned. In TheStinger, with Niles' forehead still numb, Martin mischievously sticks the bow from one of the gift baskets on him. Niles looks as his watch and hurries out, unaware that his head looks like it belongs under a Christmas tree.
[[AC:709: The Apparent Trap]]
* Martin knocks on the front door after hiding from Lilith and asks Frasier in a bad whisper, "Is the witch gone yet?" and sees her over Frasier's shoulder. "Oh, Lilith! I was just asking Frasier - is my twitch gone yet?" Complete with very bad fake facial tic. To which Lilith only deadpans, "Skillfully done, Martin."
* Niles is going to say goodbye to Freddie and finds him playing a [=PS2=]. Freddie gets him to play and everything afterwords is pure gold.
-->'''Freddie''': That's your guy, you've just escaped from an intergalactic maximum-security prison pod.\\
'''Niles''': Like they could hold me.\\
''[Niles immediately dies by falling over in the training level.]''
** Freddie is in awe because he didn't know it was even possible to die there. Niles then spends the entire episode failing at the game, and when Lilith comes through to talk to him, she takes the controller and starts playing. Extremely well.
--->'''Niles''': I didn't know there was a door there.
** At the instant when Lilith enters the room, the game character screams.
* The plot involves a complex long-game that Freddie may-or-may-not be pulling to manipulate his parents into getting back together (or not). Lilith believes she's cottoned on to his true scheme[[note]]He actually wants a mini-bike and hopes that his parents will buy him one to cushion his 'disappointment' when they reveal that they aren't reuniting.[[/note]] and to Frasier's horror calls his bluff by revealing that she and Frasier are in fact reuniting. Freddie goes to spread the news... including to Niles, who as soon as he hears it storms into the room with a truly hilarious rictus grin combining rage, terror, worry and the most unconvincing fake joy you've ever seen:
-->'''Niles:''' ''What's this joyous news I hear?!''\\
'''Lilith:''' You know, Frederick, you're going to have to give up all of your friends, because we're going to live here in Seattle.\\
'''Freddie:''' I'd live anywhere to be a family again.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[in one single sentence]'' So it is true congratulations to you both good night. ''[walks to the door without looking at anyone, his whole posture stiff as a board with tension]''\\
'''Freddie:''' Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[still not looking back]'' No thank you! ''[storms out]''
* Frasier and Lilith finally catch Freddie out by listening in on him talking about his plot to a friend. Their take away:
-->'''Lilith:''' You know what this means, don't you?\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes... our son is normal. We're not bad parents. Well done, Dr. Sternin.\\
'''Lilith:''' Well done, Dr. Crane. ''[they high five]''
* After a moment, they realise they've left Freddie in Frasier's room, knowing they know about his plot, and waiting for them to come and confront him about it.
-->'''Lilith:''' Well, we really should get in there.\\
'''Frasier:''' Must be sheer torment for him, waiting for the axe to fall.\\
'''Lilith:''' Absolute hell.\\
'''Frasier:''' Absolute nightmare. ''(gesturing to the wine on the nearby table)'' Wine?\\
'''Lilith:''' Love some!
[[AC:710: Back Talk]]
* Although this episode is best remembered for the WhamLine in the third act, it still has room for humour. Frasier's back seizes up while he is blowing out a candle on a birthday cupcake from Martin, and Niles shows up at KACL with a "lumbar log" (a cylindrical cushion for lower back support). He and Roz wonder if there might be more to Frasier's back pain:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[as Niles helps him out of his chair and puts the "lumbar log" behind his back]'' I think the whole thing is probably stress-related.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, that's very possible. You know, birthdays can be anxiety-provoking. ''[Frasier sits down again and sighs with relief]'' Especially for people of a certain age.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[offended]'' I am not "of a certain age", Niles. I am smack dab in the middle of "not a kid anymore", I won't be "of a certain age" for another ten years.\\
'''Roz:''' You know, if your back pain is stress-related, I read a magazine article with an exercise that might help. You just go some place where nobody can hear you, and list all the things that bug you.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And in what esteemed medical journal did you find this little tidbit? ''Cosmo''!?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[equally sarcastically]'' No - ''Glamour''!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that's priceless. "I can't find the right shade of lipstick." "I look terrible in a bikini." "He can't find my G-spot!" ''[Niles laughs]''\\
'''Roz:''' I said do it some place private!\\
'''Niles:''' You know, it couldn't hurt, Frasier.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, Niles, it's absurd!\\
'''Niles:''' Hmm. The more you resist, the more I'm wondering if there's something you're trying to avoid. ''[Frasier doesn't answer]''\\
'''Roz:''' Well, thanks for backing me up, Niles! You know, the same article said if you rub a raw potato-\\
'''Niles:''' If we're going to sell him on this, you should drop out now.\\
'''Frasier:''' No-one is going to sell me on anything! That sort of exercise only helps people that lack self-awareness. I, for one, am... ''[trails off and grimaces in pain]'' GOD ALMIGHTY!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Well, no wonder you're stressed, you've got a whole universe to run! ''[laughs]''
* Seconds before he goes on air, Frasier sniffs a birthday bouquet given to him by the KACL staff... and only gets as far as "Good afternoon, Seattle!" before a sneezing fit causes such severe back spasms that he has to cue a recording of ''The Best of Crane'' while Niles takes him to a doctor. As Niles has a lunch date with Mel, he is eager to drop Frasier off at his apartment as quickly as possible, but finding a suitable chair proves more challenging than expected:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[after Niles deposits him on the sofa and turns to leave]'' No, wait!... This couch has absolutely no support, let's... let's try the chair over there, please?\\
'''Niles:''' ''[after a brief hesitation]'' All right! [[WaxingLyrical You're not heavy, you're my brother.]] ''[lifts Frasier off the sofa and manoeuvres him across the living room]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[groaning as he tries to keep up with Niles]'' How could you even take me to that unprofessional '''hack!?''' All he did was give me a bottle full of horse tranquillisers, he didn't care about getting to the root of the problem, he just wanted to shut me up!\\
'''Niles:''' I - think it might be time for one of those pills... ''[he sets Frasier down on the chair - face first, so that Frasier's forehead is on the back of the chair while his knees are on the seat; Niles checks his watch as Frasier groans in agony]'' All comfy?\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles... ''[gasps as he pushes himself into a kneeling position]'' This won't do... it's even harder than a seat on a public bus!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[scoffs]'' Oh, when were you ever on a bus!?\\
'''Frasier:''' At a cocktail party once, for the Friends of Transit.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[after a moment's offended reflection]'' I wasn't invited to that!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Will you just help me up, for God's sake?!''
* Frasier decides to take one of the pills after all, and as Niles heads to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, Frasier staggers back and sits down in Martin's recliner and discovers, much to his horror, just how ''nice'' it is.
-->''[Niles enters the living room with Frasier's water and sees him in the recliner; his jaw drops]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[alarmed]'' Oh my God! Did you fall??\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[in a blissful daze]'' No... no, I'm actually quite comfortable, Niles. Look... there's no glare on the television... ''[indicating the table next to the chair]'' And here's a lovely place to set your drink.\\
'''Niles:''' Just give me your hand, and whatever the chair's telling you, ''don't listen.''
* Eventually, Frasier decides to act on Roz' suggestion by talking about things that are bothering him... to Eddie. ("All right, well, here's a start: I'm talking to a dog, that bothers me!") Frasier doesn't see Daphne enter behind him and overhear him say that he loves her (platonically, but he doesn't specify as much) and needs to tell her before she moves in with Donny, but Eddie ''does'' see her; when Frasier finishes his "confession" (and Daphne has fled the room in shock), he notices that Eddie has buried his face in the couch.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[angrily]'' You know, there are subtler ways to let the patient know his hour is up!
* Later, Frasier admits to Martin that he'd been talking to Eddie about his problems.
-->'''Frasier:''' If you must know, I was talking to Eddie.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(first goes "Ah", then gives the most smug, knowing grin)'' Helps, doesn't it?
* Even the WhamLine is as funny as it is world-shattering; Frasier successfully explains himself to Daphne, and, in her capacity as a physical therapist, she begins giving him a back massage as the painkillers disconnect his brain from the rest of his body, including his mouth:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know what?\\
'''Daphne:''' What's that, Dr. Crane?\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad's chair!\\
'''Daphne:''' I'm not takin' it with me if that's where you're headed!\\
'''Frasier:''' It's so ''comfortable!''\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[bemused]'' You took quite a few of those pills, didn't you? ''[continues massaging Frasier's back]'' You know what's curious, though?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[high-pitched]'' Cats??\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[chuckles]'' Yes... but I'm talking about our little mix-up. When I said to your father, "Dr. Crane's in love with me," he said it's been going on for six years now. What did he mean by that?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[blissfully unaware of what he's saying]'' Oh, that... he meant Niles.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[thunderstruck]'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Niles!... he's ''crazy'' about you...\\
'''Daphne:''' Dr. Crane?...[[note]] Meaning Niles.[[/note]] Dr. Crane!...[[note]] Meaning Frasier.[[/note]] ''[but Frasier is dead to the world]''
[[AC:711: The Fight Before Christmas]]
* Once again, while the focus in this episode is on the seismic shift in the Niles/Daphne story arc, it still finds time for humour. Daphne's tendency to address both Frasier and Niles as "Dr. Crane", having already caused the misunderstanding that ultimately led Frasier to reveal that Niles has been in love with Daphne for six years, then causes further misunderstandings when she confides in Roz:
-->'''Roz:''' Well, who spilled the beans? It was Frasier, wasn't it?\\
'''Daphne:''' Yes, but he doesn't know he told me.\\
'''Roz:''' He doesn't?\\
'''Daphne:''' No, he was on those painkillers for his back, and... well, [[OneSteveLimit I can't very well discuss it with Dr. Crane. He's so close to Dr. Crane! If I told him, he might tell Dr. Crane, and then Dr. Crane might feel embarrassed.]]\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Yeah, why confuse things?
* Niles, meanwhile, has to visit Maris to offer his condolences after the death of their gardener, Yoshi (he had a heart attack while trimming Maris' hedge maze; "the paramedics never had a chance," says Niles). Frasier, concerned over how that might go over with Mel, advises Niles not to tell her that he is visiting Maris. However, things fall apart when Mel shows up at the KACL Christmas party, having been invited after doing a segment on breast augmentation during Cosmetic Surgery Week on ''Health Chat'' ("How uplifting!" says Frasier; Mel is unamused).
** Niles' cover story was that he was having dinner with Frasier. Unfortunately, Frasier doesn't learn of this until ''after'' Mel has asked him how said dinner went and he has told her he spent the evening preparing for his Christmas party instead, causing Mel to storm off without a further word. The funny part comes from the ensuing conversation with an outraged (sort of, anyway) Niles:
--->'''Niles:''' Frasier, Frasier, glad I saw you, listen, about last night, if Mel should ask-\\
'''Frasier:''' [[OhCrap Oh... dear.]]\\
'''Niles:''' Oh no.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh yes.\\
'''Niles:''' And you...\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid so.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[seething]'' DAMN you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well-\\
'''Niles:''' ''You're'' the one that told me to lie to her, now you fail to ''["hits" Frasier on the arm repeatedly, looking more like he is trying to brush a patch of dirt off his sleeve]'' back me up! ''[stomps off to intercept Mel at the coat rack]''\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm a little pre-occupied, I'm having a party tonight for two hundred people! ''[Kenny happens to walk past over this last part; as he hasn't been invited, this is the first he has heard about Frasier's party]''\\
'''Kenny:''' Well, I won't lie to you, Doc... this hurts.
** Niles manages to catch Mel before she leaves; her first assumption is that he is seeing someone behind her back, so she asks for "the little whore's name", but Niles lies again and says he was buying Mel's Christmas gift. Mollified, she lets Niles hang up her coat again and goes to get drinks, whereupon she runs into Frasier again - and Frasier is unaware that Niles ''still'' hasn't told the truth about seeing Maris...
--->'''Frasier:''' Oh, Mel, ah, this is awkward, uh...\\
'''Mel:''' Oh, no no no, Frasier, Niles explained everything, and while I don't like being lied to, I, I do appreciate why he did it.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, I'm so glad!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[racing over to Mel and Frasier]'' '''Oooooh''' 'ello! ''[with a very forced grin]'' Hello! Chatting, are we?\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, I wa- I was just apologising for my part in your little misunderstanding.\\
'''Niles:''' Ah yes, well, then, of course, you were discussing the present. ''[looks at Frasier, hoping he'll take the hint]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[takes the wrong hint]'' Oh, yes, yes, the present! And the future... ''[raises his cup]'' Maris is all in the past. ''[chuckles]''\\
'''Mel:''' ''[turns slowly to look at a chagrined Niles, then back at Frasier, ice in her voice]'' Maris.\\
'''Frasier:''' ... oh dear.\\
'''Mel:''' You were with ''Maris'' last night.\\
'''Niles:''' Well-\\
'''Mel:''' HOW ''dare'' you!... ''[slams her cup down and marches off again]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[glares venomously at Frasier]'' Anything else in the box, Pandora!? ''[hurries after Mel]''
** This time, Niles is unable to placate Mel, who declares that Niles is "obviously still in love with her" and that she's not about to share him; Roz is fetching her coat during this conversation and so hears every word (but doesn't know that "her" refers to Maris, not Daphne). The scene ends with the climax of the plot thread that Roz is the only KACL staffer invited to Frasier's Christmas party, as a livid Niles rebuffs Frasier's attempt at an apology by saying, loudly enough for everyone in the room to hear, that he only cares about the party he is hosting that night. As the KACL staff all begin glaring daggers at Frasier for not inviting them to his party, he gets a hilarious fixed grin on his face and slowly tiptoes out of the room.
* When no-one shows up for Frasier's party, Donny informs him that his rival Cam Winston (who lives in apartment number 2000) is advertising his own party in the lobby. Frasier is furious and instructs Donny to put up his own advert, but Martin is cautious:
-->'''Martin:''' I don't know whether that's a good idea, Fras.\\
'''Frasier:''' What?\\
'''Martin:''' Well, "Winston Party 2000" sounds like the party of the future. "Crane Party 1901" sounds like... ''[looks around at the empty room]'' ... well, ''this.''
* Meanwhile, Roz relays Niles and Mel's exchange to Daphne, who starts panicking that Niles will finally act on his six-year crush on her. However, in the process, she tries to draw on experience Roz doesn't have:
-->'''Daphne:''' But what if he says something to me!?\\
'''Roz:''' Just let him down gently.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, it never works out that easily! You know what happens when you say "no" to a guy!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[[[ReallyGetsAround having never said "no" to a guy in her life]]]'' Yeah... sure.
* Later on a crowd of guests shows up, to Frasier's delight. But Donny is suspicious:
-->'''Donny:''' Okay Marty, how did you get all these people down here?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, I just called an old buddy in the Fire Department and told him that that many people in one place had to be a code violation.\\
'''Donny:''' Oh, that is smart. But aren't there going to be the same number of people down here?\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[at the piano]'' All right, everyone, we'll start by singing some carols and then we'll choose our teams for The Minister's Cat![[note]] A Victorian parlour game in which the players describe the minister's cat using alphabetical lists of adjectives, adding one word at a time. Players are eliminated if they slip up in reciting the list or spend too long thinking of a new adjective for the current letter.[[/note]]\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smirking]'' I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
[[AC:712: RDWRER]]
* As part of Frasier and Niles's New Years 2000 celebration, they plan to go to Sun Valley, but with it being just before New Years, they can't book a flight. SmashCut to the Crane men in Martin's Winnebago, with Niles looking [[KubrickStare exactly]] as thrilled with this as you can imagine.
[[AC:713: They're Playing Our Song]]
* Daphne trying out a new vacuum. A few seconds on Martin's chair, and it explodes.
-->'''Frasier:''' Apparently the "Dirt Scourge 2000" was no match for the "Dirt ''Pile'' 1957".
* Only Frasier could take a simple request for a pre-show jingle and turn it into [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrEAfdUmY4w this.]]
-->'''Daphne:''' It was like Creator/GilbertAndSullivan - only frightening.
[[AC:714: Big Crane on Campus]]
* When Frasier runs into Lorna Lynley (before she was re-named Lana Lynley by the writers), the most popular girl from his high school, he learns that she is recently divorced, but loses his nerve when he tries to ask her out and instead asks her to appraise his apartment in her capacity as a real estate agent. As he rushes Martin out of the apartment, Niles arrives, and we get a goldmine of funny moments as the scene plays out like a teenager trying to get rid of his AnnoyingYoungerSibling before his date shows up:
** First, there's Niles' entrance line:
--->'''Frasier:''' Niles! What are you doing here?\\
'''Niles:''' Well, I've got a crisis. Tomorrow's Mel's birthday, and I'm planning a very romantic evening, but my Gaggenau[[note]] He pronounces it "gag-ah-noh"; as Gaggenau are a German appliance manufacturer, a more accurate pronunciation would be "gag-ah-now".[[/note]] is on the fritz.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[{{Squick}}ed]'' Oh, geez, I don't need to hear this!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dad, it's a ''stove''.\\
'''Martin:''' I know! Six burners and a griddle! Don't you guys ever talk about cars?! ''[leaves]''
** Frasier agrees to let Niles use his kitchen the next day, but then tries to get him to leave. Unfortunately, his explanation that he has a date just stops Niles in his tracks:
--->'''Niles:''' ''[grins eagerly]'' Oh? Anyone I know?\\
'''Frasier:''' As a matter of fact, yes: Lorna Lynley.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[impressed]'' Oh!... No, really, who?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, it's true! I, I bumped into her today at the cafe.\\
'''Niles:''' Lorna Lynley? You, sir, have moxie! ''[Frasier laughs modestly]'' Why, even with all my vested authority as hall monitor, I could never muster the courage to see her ''bathroom pass'' and you ''asked her out? [Frasier laughs modestly again]'' Whoa! I bow down before you! I doff my cap to you!\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, actually, it- it's not really a date.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[smirks]'' I knew it.\\
'''Frasier:''' You see, uh, she's coming over to appraise the apartment, she's in real estate. And I... tried to ask her out, and I choked. I did get the impression that she was interested in me, though!\\
'''Niles:''' Well, of course she is. Oh, and the coach called, you're starting in the big game on Sunday.
** Frasier resumes his attempts to get rid of Niles, but is unable to make any progress before the doorbell rings, sending both of them into a giddy panic. Frasier tells Niles he gets one quick "hello" and then has to leave, but the second Lorna enters and shakes his hand, Niles starts giggling like a schoolboy, not saying so much as one coherent word before he leaves. The next morning, after Frasier and Lorna have spent the night together, Niles shows up with the ingredients for his dinner with Mel, and when Lorna appears out of Frasier's room and greets him with a playful tousle of his hair, he dissolves into giggling ''again''.
* Frasier doesn't discover until after he has spent the night with Lorna that she smokes, drinks copiously, and has a very short temper. He walks her to the elevator in his building as she is smoking a cigarette, and she passionately kisses him goodbye before the doors close - at which point he breathes out the mouthful of cigarette smoke she just gave him.
* Frasier gives this winning line to Niles about sleeping with Lorna:
-->'''Frasier:''' I went to bed with the prom queen and I woke up with Literature/{{Carrie}}.
* Niles enlists Daphne's help in preparing his birthday dinner for Mel, and burns his hand on a hot pan handle. She rubs some aloe cream on his palm, and, as she is still trying to make sense of her own feelings for Niles after learning of his six-year crush on her, her administration of first aid starts to take on a more affectionate tone, to Niles' confusion. Then Martin walks in - prompting an alarmed Daphne to jump back from Niles, denying anything has happened... and then picking up an ''oven timer'' before saying "Oh my, look at the time, I've got to run!" Martin, meanwhile, suggests Niles put something cold on his hand - and places a can of beer on his open palm.
* In the next scene, Niles runs into Frasier at Cafe Nervosa:
-->'''Niles:''' Hello, Frasier.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, hello, Niles, how are you?\\
'''Niles:''' Fine, fine... ''[sitting down opposite Frasier]'' Although the oddest thing just happened.\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that man on the corner's name is Pete. If you give him a dollar, his monkey won't make those rude gestures.
[[AC:715: Out with Dad]]
* As the episode opens, it seems all five main characters are dateless on Valentine's Day; Roz and Daphne are planning to spend the evening watching sad movies at Frasier's apartment, while Frasier and Niles have tickets to see ''Theatre/{{Rigoletto}}'' as Mel is out of town at a conference. However, as Niles arrives, it seems there's been a change of plan, which Frasier doesn't appreciate, leading to a hilarious exchange of insults:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering Frasier's apartment on the phone]'' I can't wait either! I, I, I'll see you in twenty minutes, valentine! ''[makes kissing noise into phone, then hangs up]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[aghast]'' That had better be the seat duster in our opera box!\\
'''Niles:''' No, it was Mel! At the last minute, she decided to skip her conference!\\
'''Frasier:''' So!... I'll be going to the opera by myself.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[pretending the idea has just occurred to him]'' Oh! Well, here's a thought! If you give Mel your opera ticket, then you won't have to be alone! You can stay here and, and watch fun movies with Roz and Daphne! ''[looks at the VHS case in Roz' hand]'' Ooh!... ''Film/DyingYoung''! It's a... classic!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[incensed]'' I am surprised by your gall. At the last moment, you... you not only ''bail'' on me, you expect me to give up my own ticket!?\\
'''Niles:''' Please, Frasier, put yourself in my shoes. I ''have'' to do something for Mel. Every restaurant in town's been booked for weeks. I ran into Archie Wilfong today. He told me he had to settle for two seats at the counter at The Salad Experience! What would you suggest I do?\\
'''Frasier:''' Bring your own wine and order the Spicy Caesar!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[shoots Frasier a DeathGlare as he storms to the door]'' May your opera box be full of cellophane crinklers and the stage swarming with standbys!\\
'''Frasier:''' GET OUT! ''[Niles slams the door behind him]''
* Deciding to make his move on Emily Browning, a fellow operagoer, Frasier recruits Martin to accompany him, but Martin inadvertently attracts the eye of Emily's mother, Helen, and, wanting to spare her feelings, confirms her guess that his lack of interest is because he is gay. Emily agrees to go back to Frasier's apartment with him, but Martin's lie comes back to bite him when Emily and Helen agree that Emily's uncle, Edward, would be a perfect match for Martin, and he accompanies Emily back to Frasier's. Frasier learns of Martin's lie from Emily and confronts him over it, but is unable to explain that Edward has been brought as a prospective match for him before he agrees to "gay it up" a little. It all builds up to the following hilarious exchange:
-->'''Edward:''' ''[off Martin's claim that he stoked Frasier's interest in art and "upholstery"]'' Were you in the arts?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, well, actually, Ed-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[deciding to cut Martin off before he spins a lie he cannot rein in]'' Dad was a cop.\\
'''Edward:''' Really? ''[grins]'' The, er... ''uniform'' and everything?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[smiles back, missing the innuendo]'' Yeah, in fact, uh, that's what happened to my hip. I took a, uh, bullet trying to break up a robbery. Yeah, I called for backup, but it never showed up.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[sighing with indignation on Martin's behalf]'' Because you were gay.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[taking Emily's hand]'' Don't think I didn't wonder about that. ''[Frasier rolls his eyes]'' Yes, that was the day I came out. I was lying in that alley, covered with blood, bullet in my hip, and I said, "That's it, I'm gay, I like myself, and I'm not living a lie anymore!" ''[Frasier rolls his eyes again]''\\
'''Edward:''' I had exactly the same experience when I came out! ''[puts his hand on Martin's knee; Martin does a DoubleTake, his eyes nearly coming out of their sockets. He hides his shock for Edward and Emily, but shoots Frasier a horrified look; Frasier smiles triumphantly]'' Not ''exactly'', perhaps. Yours was a bullet in the hip. For me, it was a Lufthansa steward named Gunter.
* Martin asks Frasier to accompany him to the kitchen to confront him over the setup, but Frasier refuses to come clean in the interest of preserving his date with Emily and to make Martin squirm after he lied to Helen. They emerge from the kitchen to find Edward and Emily talking to Daphne, who is no stranger to being set up with gay men herself, and is getting her own revenge on Martin's mockery in "The Matchmaker":
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[exiting the kitchen with Martin]'' Daphne!\\
'''Edward:''' We've just been chatting with your delightful physical therapist, Marty!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[indicating Edward]'' Oh, he's a charmer, this one! Now aren't you glad you went to the opera? I keep telling him he should get out more, meet people. Most nights he just sits here, alone, watching the telly.\\
'''Emily:''' ''[also indicating Edward]'' He's the exact same way. He'll watch anything!\\
'''Daphne:''' With him it's mostly sport. Just give him a bunch of sweaty men chasing each other around a field and he-\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[quickly]'' Daphne! ''[grabs her arm and pushes her toward the kitchen]'' Where are we keeping the Camembert these days?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[startled]'' Same place we always do!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Get in there!\\
'''Emily:''' You were smart to hire a woman for physical therapy. Much safer than a man. Edward sprained his leg last year.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily.\\
'''Emily:''' I ''never'' trusted that man.\\
'''Edward:''' All right, Emily!\\
'''Emily:''' Why you loaned him your boat-\\
'''Edward:''' ''All right, Emily! [he smiles at Martin and shrugs helplessly]''\\
''[from the kitchen, we hear Daphne splitting her sides laughing; Frasier emerges a few seconds later, covering by laughing as though he and Daphne have just shared a joke]''
* To Martin's increasing alarm, he and Edward end up getting on so well that Edward asks him if he's free for dinner, and he tries another face-saving lie by pretending he is already dating someone. Enter his unwitting boyfriend...
-->'''Edward:''' Marty, you don't have to spare my feelings.\\
'''Martin:''' No, no, really, it's true!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[opens Frasier's front door]'' Hello.\\
'''Martin:''' Darling!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[so confused he cannot move or speak for a few seconds]'' ... sorry, am I interrupting something?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[grinning ear to ear]'' Not a thing, honey, just... take off your coat and stay a while!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[even more confused]'' Okay. ''[hangs up his coat]'' Uh, I, uh, felt bad about that little squabble earlier, so, uh... I thought I'd drop off this little peace offering. ''[picks up a bottle of wine]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[laughs]'' As if I could stay mad at you! ''[puts his arm around Niles]'' Uh, Edward, uh, this is my boyfriend, Niles. ''[Niles is dumbfounded]'' Niles, uh, this is Edward, we met at the opera tonight.\\
'''Edward:''' ''[shaking Niles' outstretched hand]'' Delighted.\\
'''Niles:''' Hello.\\
'''Edward:''' You needn't look so startled, I assure you there's nothing funny going on!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[clearly thinking otherwise, but for different reasons]'' Oh, good.
* Frasier lets Niles in on the charade, but Niles is indignant that "They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!"
* With Frasier's date having taken a promising turn moments before, Frasier tells Niles that he has only one option: he must dump Martin. He does so in the funniest way imaginable:
-->'''Frasier:''' So, Niles! You actually, uh, missed a, a splendid evening at the opera.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, maybe I can catch it this weekend with Mel.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[feigning playful jealousy]'' Oh, and who's Mel?\\
'''Niles: DAMN''' you and your jealous questions, you don't OWN me! ''[storms off in a huff, sharing a look with Frasier before grabbing his coat and heading to the door]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[stunned]'' Niles, I was only asking!\\
'''Niles:''' You're ALWAYS asking! Badgering! ''Spying'' on me! Well, I won't be ''suffocated'' anymore! I'm ''tired'' of being your trophy boy! It's '''over!''' You hear me!? '''''Over!''''' ''[sniffs haughtily]'' And I'm ''keeping'' the jewellery. ''[sweeps off, slamming the door behind him]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[trying to keep himself from guffawing]'' Oh, Dad. I'm so sorry.
[[AC:716: Something about Dr. Mary]]
* The replacement for Roz during her vacation, Chuck, and more importantly his severe speech impediment. Not a good combination when talking to Doctor Fwasier Cwane or Woz about what happened to his wife.
-->'''Roz:''' Hey, Chuck. How's it going?\\
'''Chuck:''' Oh, tewwible, Woz! My wife was in the Cawibbean and she weft me for a Wastafawian!\\
''(Roz tries ''desperately'' not to crack up)''
* As a setup for the B-plot, Niles reveals to Martin that he's taken up kickboxing.[[note]] As David Hyde Pierce had done offscreen.[[/note]]
-->'''Niles:''' Oh, speaking of golf, Dad, I've become quite the sportsman myself!\\
'''Martin:''' Oh! ''[folds up his newspaper as Niles hands him a certificate]''\\
'''Niles:''' What do you think of that?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[glancing over the certificate]'' Oh, it's very nice, son, but... calligraphy really isn't a sport. More of a craft.
* Niles shows off his newly acquired skills to Martin by demonstrating a roundhouse kick... unaware that Daphne has walked up behind him to watch until he kicks her square in the backside, knocking her into the dining table and spraining her wrist. To make it up to her, he takes over as many of her duties around the apartment as his schedule permits until her wrist heals... an arrangement Martin milks for every last drop:
-->'''Niles:''' Everything comfy, Daphne? ''[sets a tray of food on the coffee table in front of her]'' Here you are - this quiche should hold you 'til dinner.\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, Dr. Crane, you really don't need to fill in for me, it's just a sprained wrist. I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[under his breath, not looking up from his newspaper]'' The hell you are. ''[Daphne glares at him]''\\
'''Niles:''' Daphne, it is the ''least'' I can do, believe me. Until you're fully recovered, consider me your full-time stand-in. Oh! Which reminds me, Dad... ''[grabs a VHS cassette from the bookshelf]'' I rented your favourite video... ''[hands Martin the case]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[delighted]'' Oh-ho-ho! ''Film/DeathWish''!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, I'll get your beer, I'm just frosting the mug in the freezer the way Daphne does! ''[heads into the kitchen]''\\
'''Daphne:''' I never frost your beer mug!\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, be quiet, will you? He's feeling very guilty and we have to help him work through it!\\
'''Daphne:''' That is just baloney and you know it. Shame on you for taking advantage of your son - I don't know how you sleep at night!\\
'''Martin:''' Well, pretty good since he started puttin' a mint on my pillow and a cup of cocoa by the bed!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[{{Beat}}]'' He never leaves ''me'' cocoa...\\
'''Martin:''' You have to fill out that little card. ''[traces a rectangle in the air with his finger]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh.
* Niles suggesting to Frasier that, if he's so concerned about appearing racist towards Mary while confronting her, they try and roleplay how he'd handle the suggestion, with Frasier playing Mary. Niles's [[ThisIsGonnaSuck realization]] when Frasier, a white man in his forties, starts acting like a SassyBlackWoman is just the start of it.
* In the end, Frasier manages to tell Mary about his misgivings with her approach, and she consoles him by revealing she's gotten a new radio show with a different station, and points out he could've approached her earlier... then points out that if he ''hadn't'', she'd be back in her old job at the bakery, resulting in her saying:
-->'''Mary:''' ''(sincerely)'' God bless your guilty white ass.
* In the final scene, Chuck has taken over for Roz' last few days off:
-->'''Frasier:''' Thank you for your call, Jill. ''[presses a button on his console]'' Well, Chuck, who else is on the line.\\
'''Chuck:''' Weww, Doctor Cwane, we have Winda on wine thwee, who bewieves peopwe awe waughing at hew.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[very long pause as he tries not to giggle]'' Maybe we can just come back to that one, Chuck.\\
'''Chuck:''' Aww wighty!
[[AC:717: Whine Club]]
* The Sunday brunch, with Frasier trying to break the ice between Mel and the gang. Things do not get off to a great start, as - like Maris - Mel has severe allergies to certain foods and Eddie, and the Bloody Marys Roz and Daphne start knocking back cause a bad case of InVinoVeritas to start breaking out.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[pouring herself a drink]'' May I pour you a Bloody Mary, Mel?\\
'''Mel:''' Oh, not for me, it's a little early in the day for hard liquor, don't you think?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[to herself]'' Not anymore. ''[removes the celery stalk from the glass and sits in Martin's chair]''\\
'''Mel:''' Niles, let's get this gravalax in the refrigerator- oh, hello, Eddie! ''[grabs him by the collar and turns him away from her grocery bag]'' Or... should I say "goodbye".\\
'''Martin:''' Huh??\\
'''Mel:''' Well, Martin, I'm sure you're going to be locking Eddie out on the balcony if people are going to be eating here! ''[heads into the kitchen with Niles]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sotto voce]'' Boy, I'll tell you who I'd like to lock out on the balcony.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Oh, please, let it be me.\\
'''Frasier:''' Now, now, may I remind you that we are having this little brunch in order to get acquainted with Mel. We owe it to Niles to give her a chance.\\
'''Daphne:''' I agree with Doctor Crane. ''[pours herself a drink]'' [[INeedAFreakingDrink We should all have another Bloody Mary.]]\\
'''Frasier:''' I didn't say that!\\
'''Daphne:''' It was implied.
* Martin insists that they must keep their negative opinions of Mel to themselves, reminding Frasier that he didn't like Lilith, neither of them liked Maris, and neither Frasier nor Niles liked Sherry. Unfortunately, Daphne is out of the room for this conversation, so when Niles asks his family and friends for their honest opinion of Mel, a cascade of PoorCommunicationKills ensues:
-->'''Niles:''' So?... ''[Frasier and Martin put on big fake smiles and shrug innocently]''\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deciding discretion is the better part of valour]'' Ooh, I'm gonna go let Eddie in! ''[hurries out to the balcony]''\\
'''Niles:''' Come on, seriously, I, I, I want you to be totally honest. Really. What do you think of Mel?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[entering from the kitchen and picking up her Bloody Mary]'' Oh, I don't like her at all. She's bossy and fussy and mean - she's all wrong for you! ''[into phone]'' Yes, I need a large pepperoni pizza. Yeah, and some cheese bread! ''[heads back into the kitchen as Niles looks stunned]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[hurries after Daphne]'' I'm sure she didn't mean that, Niles! ''[fake laughs]''\\
'''Niles:''' Well... ah... that was startling!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[as Roz returns from the balcony behind him]'' Yes, well, don't take that seriously, Niles, you know how women sometimes just form irrational dislikes for one another.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[indignantly]'' Oh!... That's great! I leave the room for ''one second'' and you rat me out!\\
'''Frasier:''' No, Roz, I-\\
'''Roz:''' No, it's okay! I don't have anything to hide! And I'm ''not'' irrational. ''[pours herself another Bloody Mary]'' She's pushy, demanding, and a gigantic pain in the ass. I'd dump her like radioactive waste! ''[sits in Martin's chair]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[even more stunned]'' Well! So, that's two of you in the anti-Mel camp!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[to Frasier]'' Oh, did you tell him what you thought of Mel too? ''[Niles gapes at Frasier in disbelief]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[sighing]'' No, Daphne did.\\
'''Roz:''' [[OhCrap Oops...]] ''[beats a hasty retreat]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''Frasier??''\\
'''Frasier:''' I just think she's, she's Maris all over again. She's manipulative - I think you're repeating a terrible pattern!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[his shock gives way to anger]'' Oh, well, isn't this neat, we all have our ''individual'' reasons for disliking her. ''[sarcastically, as Martin and Daphne return from the kitchen]'' Hey, Dad, what's your reason for disliking Mel?\\
'''Martin:''' Well-\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[outraged]'' So you '''did''' tell him what you think of her! And after ''shoving'' me into the kitchen, and shaking your freaking finger at me!
[[AC:718: Hot Pursuit]]
* Niles popping by to learn Donny and Martin have gone off to a tractor pull.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(clearly not knowing)'' Oh.\\
'''Daphne:''' As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor, then see how far they can pull it through the mud.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(still not knowing)'' Ohhh.\\
'''Daphne:''' The answer to your next question is "beats the hell out of me".
* Shortly after, Martin and Donny return while Daphne is out of the room:
-->'''Donny:''' ''[removing a John Deere baseball cap]'' Where's Daphne? I got this little gift for her.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, a John Deere cap. How... ''[decides not to bother with a polite adjective]'' could you?
[[AC:719: Morning Becomes Entertainment]]
* As the episode opens, Frasier is re-negotiating his contract, and is confident of its renewal until Roz enters and tells him they are being booted out of their time slot so that Kenny can try ''Car Chat with Bob and Bethany'' in the afternoons instead. Frasier is convinced this is simply a negotiating tactic:
-->'''Roz:''' Well, I hope you're right.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, of course I'm right! Bob and Bethany, ''Car Chat'', '''please'''. I mean, how could anybody drone on for ''three hours'' about a subject that nobody even understands!\\
'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' Yeah! We were there first!
* In the B-plot, Martin's ever worsening eyesight leads to renewed pressure from Frasier and Daphne for him to get glasses after he accidentally goes into the ladies' toilet at Café Nervosa.
-->'''Frasier:''' It wouldn't hurt to get it checked out.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, come on, don't ''you'' start too, there's ''nothing'' wrong with my eyes. Now, if you don't mind, I just want to sit here, quietly, ''[picks up what he thinks is his coffee mug]'' and have an- ''[realises he's actually picked up the cream jug; Daphne gives him a DisapprovingLook]'' have a... drink of cream. D'you have a problem with that!? ''[defiantly drinks a mouthful of cream from the jug]''
* Later in the week, Bebe Glaser stops by Frasier's apartment to get up him to date on the progress - or lack thereof - in his contract negotiations, and we get some brilliant snark between her and the regulars:
** The B-plot brushes against the A-plot when the doorbell rings just as Daphne is telling Frasier that Martin's new glasses - which are rather clearly ladies' glasses, and ugly ones at that, but they were the only frames he liked in the optometrist's entire stock - are just another target for her skill at pretending to like something. Which, naturally, is Bebe's InadvertentEntranceCue:
--->'''Frasier:''' I'm amazed you could keep a straight face all day!\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, I've done enough clothes shopping with your father. ''[doorbell rings]'' I'm pretty good at pretending to like things, no matter how horrifying I find them. ''[opens the door, and immediately puts on a big fake smile and welcoming tone of voice]'' Bebe, how nice to see you! ''[Bebe wordlessly hands Daphne her coat as if she were putting it on a coat hook and heads across to Frasier]''
** Negotiations are going badly; KACL haven't even come ''up'' to the "insulting" salary Frasier said he wouldn't accept. Niles arrives shortly afterward to join Frasier for lunch, and has a creative suggestion for Bebe - to which she has an equally creative riposte:
--->'''Bebe:''' Don't worry, dear, I just need to find a way to throw a scare into 'em.\\
'''Niles:''' Have you tried turning into a bat?\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[smiles thinly at Niles]'' I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of ''tiny creatures''.
** As it turns out, Bebe has accepted an offer for Frasier and Roz to take over local morning show ''AM Seattle'' for a week (true to form, she accepted the offer ''before'' telling Frasier about it), anticipating that KACL will agree to her terms when they see they risk losing Frasier to television. Frasier agrees, enticed by the possibility of making the show more highbrow, and Bebe celebrates in the usual way:
--->'''Bebe:''' ''[takes out her phone and her cigarettes, removing one from the latest pack]'' May I?\\
'''Frasier:''' On the balcony, if you don't mind.\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[rhapsodically]'' Mind? I don't want a single puff tearing up the baby blues of TV's newest sensation! By this time next week-\\
'''Niles:''' You heard him, if you're gonna blow smoke, do it on the balcony. ''[Bebe glares at Niles and heads onto the balcony]''
* Niles, unsurprisingly, is disgusted at Frasier for accepting a morning TV job, telling him it's "the final step in [his] descent from legitimate psychiatrist to dancing bear." And, apparently (yet also unsurprising), Frasier's desire for attention is nothing new:
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, we are talking about doing a sophisticated television show for one week in order to improve my contract negotiations.\\
'''Niles:''' This has nothing to do with your contract negotiations! ''You'' have been an applause junky ever since you first set foot on a grammar school stage.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[indignant]'' I was drawn to the theatre because of its discipline and collaborative spirit!\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, ''please'', in your sixth grade production of ''Theatre/{{Oklahoma}}'', you took so many curtain calls, Mrs. van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage!\\
'''Frasier:''' That woman never understood me '''or''' the role of Farmer No.3!
* Just as Frasier is rubbishing Niles' suggestion that Bebe is "some kind of malign witch who can transform people at will", Martin reappears, while still wearing the ugly lady glasses, while carrying Daphne's purse (in which he has been searching for his glasses case), prompting a very dry remark from Niles.
-->'''Martin:''' I can't find a ''damn'' thing in this purse!\\
'''Niles:''' If I say I'm sorry, will she change Dad back into a man?
* Unfortunately for Frasier, on their first morning, Matt, the director, tells him they're minutes away from airing a rerun as Roz hasn't arrived - and the threat continues to loom when she does arrive, at least until a bigger threat replaces it:
-->'''Roz:''' ''[stumbles into the studio, looking and sounding completely out of it]'' Hey! Sorry I'm late.\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz! Oh, for God's sakes, you look awful! Are you sick?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[as Frasier feels her forehead]'' No, of course not, I wouldn't be sick for our big debut, I'm totally fine!\\
'''Frasier:''' Roz, you're burning up!\\
'''Roz:''' Well, it is kinda hot in here! Maybe it's all these lights. If I could just get this jacket off... ''[but as she isn't wearing a jacket, she starts unbuttoning her blouse instead]''\\
'''Frasier:''' No, no, Roz, Roz, STOP, stop! ''[grabs her hands mid-unbutton]''\\
'''Matt:''' She's delirious!\\
'''Bebe:''' With anticipation, darling! Don't worry, I'll calm her down. ''[pulls Roz aside and shakes her violently]'' PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, d'you hear me, we need this show!\\
'''Matt:''' All right, everyone, we're doing a rerun, let the audience go, cue the tapes.\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[runs over to the director]'' Wait! Can't Frasier do the show without her?\\
'''Matt:''' This is a chat show. Who's he gonna chat with?\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[thinks]'' Me! I'll go on with him!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[appalled]'' You!? ''[shakes Roz violently]'' PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, ROZ!
* On their final morning on ''AM Seattle'', which begins with the duo wearing ponchos and sombreros for the "Friday Fiesta", Bebe shows Frasier his new KACL contract, but also tries to entice him with a long-term offer from ''AM Seattle''. Niles arrives in the middle of her "sales pitch":
-->'''Bebe:''' ''[grabbing Frasier like a drowning woman grabbing a life preserver]'' Admit it, darling, you want this as much as I do! ''[unnoticed by Frasier and Bebe, Niles walks up to the refreshment table to fetch a bottle of water]'' I saw it in your eyes during the pie-eating contest - nobody loves blueberries that much! It's the ''audience'' you love!\\
'''Floor Manager:''' ''[off-screen]'' Are you ready for Bebe and Frasier? ''[the audience cheers; Bebe and Frasier's faces light up, while Niles looks concerned]''\\
'''Bebe:''' Listen to them! They want you...\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[caught up in the moment]'' They do want me, don't they!\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[resting her head on Frasier's shoulder]'' Tell me to tear up the contract, Frasier!\\
'''Frasier:''' Maybe it is time for a change!\\
'''Niles:''' GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU SHE-THING!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[disengaging from Bebe]'' Niles!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[sets down the water bottle]'' It's a good thing Dad started choking on that peanut or I'd have never come back here for water! ''Stop this madness!''\\
'''Bebe:''' ''[grabs Frasier's arm]'' He can't stop it! No-one can, show business is in his blood!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[grabs Frasier's other arm]'' No, psychiatry is! Frasier, you're a ''healer''.\\
'''Bebe:''' Anyone can heal! You're better than that: you're an ''entertainer''...\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh God, Niles... she's right! I love the audience. ''[sobbing theatrically]'' I know it's shallow, but it makes me feel alive!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[unimpressed]'' Do you have '''any''' idea how ridiculous you look in this costume!?
* Niles finally talks Frasier into renewing his contract with KACL. Determined not to give up her TV dreams, Bebe tries latching on to the nearest immediate male to sweet talk them into being her co-host:
-->'''Bebe:''' Then quit! Who needs ya? ''[adjusts her poncho]'' I'll find some other stuffed shirt who's happy to ride my coattails to fame. ''[grabs her sombrero, then inspiration strikes]'' Niles, you're a doctor!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[standing in front of Niles as though shielding him]'' '''Niles, don't look into her eyes!'''
[[AC:720: To Thine Old Self Be True]]
* At the beginning of the episode, Niles informs Frasier and Roz about a very overweight woman at the donut shop across the road who's clearly having problems stopping. They're horrified by Niles's apparent voyeurism.
-->'''Frasier:''' That's what you brought us over here for? To gawk at some poor woman's struggle with junk food!?\\
'''Roz:''' Big deal, so she's overweight, you don't need to point it out! ''(Niles gives them a confused look as they go to sit down again)'' It's rude.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's childish.\\
'''Niles:''' It's ''Maris''. ''(Frasier and Roz immediately rush back to the window)''
* This line from Martin while reading a smut newspaper:
--> '''Martin''': ''(to Frasier)'' Oh, will you stop moping. It'll all work [[FreudianSlip ass.]]\\
''(moments later...)''\\
'''Martin''': It's absolutely none of your boobs.
* Frasier giving a stripper pointers on showmanship. He ends up handcuffed to her after insisting she use the prop handcuffs for her policewoman costume - and inevitably discovers she doesn't have the key. Even better is Martin's initial reaction when the attempt to cut the chain fails and Frasier says there's only one method left:
-->'''Martin:''' ''[panicking]'' Well, I gotta warn you, I'm not as good a shot as I used to be... we're gonna have to go out on the balcony- ''I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves!''\\
'''Frasier:''' DAD!... I meant ''go to a locksmith''.
* When Daphne happens upon the stripper, Frasier (trying to keep Daphne from finding out he's hiring a stripper for Donny's bachelor party) [[StripperCopConfusion claims she really is a policewoman]] named Officer Nasty, and Daphne ''believes'' it. When she finds out the truth, she gasps, "Officer Nasty!" in horror.
* Due to a pile-up of circumstances involving Maris, Mel, a neighbour Frasier had been trying to court, and the stripper, Frasier eventually ends up confessing the truth. The capper is that he asks if his neighbour would want to date him at that point, and the stripper (named Dinah) chimes in that ''she'' would.
[[AC:721: The Three faces of Frasier]]
* Frasier finally gets a caricature on the wall of Stefano's, the upscale Italian restaurant at which he has been a regular customer since childhood. However, he is unamused to see that the caricature sports a ForeheadOfDoom, and as he, Martin, and Daphne return home, he vents his frustration:
-->'''Martin:''' Fras', will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh?... so, nothing jumped out at you as, I don't know, ''encephalitic!?''\\
'''Martin:''' So they gave you a big forehead, who cares? It makes you look smart!\\
'''Frasier:''' It makes me look like I discovered ''fire!''\\
''[later, after Niles (who bowed out of going to Stefano's after a childhood vomit incident) has arrived and asked what the surprise was]''\\
'''Daphne:''' They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.\\
'''Frasier:''' A ''touch?!'' I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!
* Niles chides Frasier for his vanity in objecting to the quality of his caricature after spending his entire life hoping to be immortalised on the wall at Stefano's. Frasier calls him out on his [[{{Hypocrite}} hypocrisy]]:
-->'''Frasier:''' Vanity has nothing to do with it! It's about misrepresentation! And you know, if I were you, I'd be careful about ''bandying'' about the word "vain", Mr. $250 Haircut! ''[Martin looks at Niles in disbelief]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[defensively]'' I have problem follicles.\\
'''Martin:''' Frasier, it's a ''caricature'', they ''exaggerate'' stuff. Now, if it were me, they'd have drawn, maybe, a big cane. ''[gestures to his cane]'' If it were Niles, they'd draw a barber cutting the hair off a giant sucker. ''[Niles looks offended; Frasier smirks at him]''
* Daphne tries to comfort Frasier, only for the conversation to take an unexpected turn thanks to her ongoing subconscious turmoil over the possibility that she might reciprocate Niles' feelings for her:
-->'''Daphne:''' I know you're sensitive about your big forehead. But we all have stuff like that! With me it's my eyes. I've always fancied sparkling blues instead of dull old brown.\\
'''Niles:''' ''Your'' eyes? ''[scoffs]'' Your eyes are not dull!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[pleased]'' Thank you, Dr. Crane, that's very nice.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, they're, they're... warm, and, and, uh... full of life.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[without thinking]'' You have beautiful eyes too. ''[Niles and Frasier absorb this; when Daphne finally realises what she has just said, she hurriedly sets down the parcel she is holding]'' Oh, goodness, I can't be lollygagging around here, I have to... [[INeedToIronMyDog to get Dr. Crane his oat bran!]] ''[she grabs something from the coat rack and hurries to the front door]''\\
'''Frasier:''' Oat bran? Now?\\
'''Daphne:''' You'll need it for the morning! You've got to have something to sop up all that nasty cholesterol gumming up your heart! If not, I'm liable to come home and find you face down on the floor, with the dog gnawing off your foot. And I'm not making that up either, that happened. Cheerio! ''[shuts the door after her]''\\
'''Martin:''' I wish she moved that fast when I'm out of beer.
* Later on Frasier declares he has an idea about how to get the picture changed to a more flattering one, Niles leaves him with a parting shot, hoping he doesn't lose the idea inside 'that giant puppet head of yours.'
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(Indignantly)'' Giant puppet head indeed!
* At the episode's climax, Frasier finally loses his cool and chews Stefano out for hiring a third-rate artist to draw his portrait. As Frasier rips into the artist's apparent lack of skill, Stefano's elderly mother bursts into tears, and Frasier realises that ''she'' is the artist. Frasier's anger crumbles as a berserk Stefano chases him out of the restaurant with his tail between his legs.
[[AC:722: Dark Side of the Moon]]
* The episode opens with Daphne in a therapy session with psychiatrist Dr. [=McCaskill=], and the ensuing conversation reveals that a judge has ordered her to go into anger management counselling. Daphne tells Dr. [=McCaskill=] about the surprise bridal shower Donny threw for her at Niles' apartment, and the game of "toilet paper bridal gown" the guests played.
** Team A, which includes Donny as the "model" and Daphne's friend Holly as one of the "designers", produces a dress that looks more like a child's homemade mummy costume. However, Team B, which includes Martin as the "model" and Niles as the head "designer", gives us the funniest dress - or lack thereof:
--->'''Mel:''' Team B!\\
''[Martin's "costume" is revealed to consist entirely of a veil and a few strips of toilet paper criss-crossing his torso with a bow in the middle, making him look as though he belongs under a Christmas tree]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[embarrassed]'' We're not finished yet!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[angry]'' You shouldn't have spent so much time with the sketches!
** But Team C, with Roz as the "model" and Frasier as the head "designer", is the runaway winner with a startlingly realistic dress, complete with toilet paper bouquet.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[after Roz has removed the toilet paper dress]'' Roz, you know, some day, you're going to make a beautiful bride. Of course, your dress won't be made out of toilet paper. ''[Roz laughs]''\\
'''Niles:''' Or be white. ''[Roz shoots him a DeathGlare and smacks him with a toilet paper bouquet]''
* Donny announces that he has invited Daphne's favourite brother over from England: Stephen! ... er, no. Billy? No. Michael? Nigel? David? None of the above - Donny has invited her parasitic, alcoholic, ''least'' favourite brother, Simon. Who sets up in Frasier's guest room and becomes TheThingThatWouldNotLeave, which leads to an unfortunate encounter when Frasier heads into his bedroom upon returning home from work:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[as Martin enters the apartment with Eddie]'' Mr. Crane, I thought you were out with Simon!\\
'''Martin:''' Nope, just Eddie.\\
'''Daphne:''' Then where's Simon?\\
'''Frasier:''' DAPHNEEEEE! ''[charges into the living room]'' Your brother is in my bed, NUUUUUUUDE!
* The climax, as Daphne finally reaches breaking point. As the other characters are captivated and horrified by the four-car pile-up caused by Daphne's [[RantInducingSlight Slight-Induced Rant]], [[MyGodWhatHaveIDone including Daphne herself]], a miffed, cold-ridden and ''completely'' oblivious Frasier walks by to provide some much-needed MoodWhiplash:
-->''[as Daphne opens the door to an irate Elliott Bay resident with a basket of dirty, wet laundry]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''[acidly]'' I know what you did. Someone saw you leave the laundry room. You threw all my wet clothes all over the floor!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[reaching not so much breaking point as shattering-into-powder point]'' Ohhh. I'm ''sorry''. I didn't realise they were still wet. ''[grabs the laundry basket]'' HERE! Let me help! ''[runs over to the fireplace]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' What are you doing?!\\
'''Daphne:''' Oooh! That's nice and hot! ''[starts throwing items of clothing into the fire]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' Stop it!\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[as Martin, Donny, and Donny's parents look on in horror]'' What, not fast enough for you!? Here! ''[runs to the balcony and opens the door]''\\
'''Neighbour:''' ''STOP IT!!''\\
'''Daphne:''' Maybe if we AIR-DRIED them! ''[runs outside and upends the basket over the edge as the neighbour continues to shout her protests]'' THERRRRRE! ''[hurls the basket to the balcony floor]'' That should do it! '''''YA HAPPY NOW?!'''''\\
''[HONK] [CRASH] [CRASH] [beep beep beep] [CRASH] [CRASH] [Donny's parents are appalled, Donny looks mortified, Martin {{Face Palm}}s, and Daphne herself visibly realises she has gone ''much'' too far. Even Simon and his three barfly friends are shocked. Enter the one person in the apartment who has no idea what has just happened...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[marching to the kitchen]'' [[WhileRomeBurns FINE! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN]] '''[[LargeHam teeeeeeaaaa!]]'''
* The episode's final scene likewise ends on a comical note of MoodWhiplash; Dr. [=McCaskill=] asks Daphne why she was wearing her favourite dress to her bridal shower if it was a surprise, forcing her to acknowledge that the real reason she went to Niles' apartment dressed in her best is because she thought he was finally going to tell her he loved her - and she was fully prepared to reciprocate. Her mind positively brimming with questions, she asks Dr. [=McCaskill=] what it means and what she should do, and gets a singularly unhelpful answer:
-->'''Dr. [=McCaskill=]:''' I'm sorry, but our time is up.
[[AC:723: Something Borrowed, Someone Blue, Part 1]]
* As the episode opens, Roz drops off a gift for Daphne, reasoning that she can't get married without something borrowed. Niles can't resist a dig at Roz' expense:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''[opening the box]'' Oh! What a beautiful garter! ''[takes it out of the box and admires it]'' Look at all of the lovely detail.\\
'''Niles:''' [[ReallyGetsAround I especially like the little odometer.]] ''[Roz gives him a dirty look and backhands him in the stomach; Frasier smirks at Niles behind Roz and mouths "That's good!"]''
* Roz unwittingly sets herself up to be snarked at by Niles again minutes later when she begs Daphne not to seat her next to her ex-boyfriend Tim at the wedding reception (which is difficult as Tim is now dating Daphne's bridesmaid Annie):
-->'''Roz:''' ''[sighs, frustrated]'' This always happens to me. Is there no place I can go without running into some guy I dated?\\
'''Niles:''' I was reading about a Trappist monastery in the Amazon that they somehow built into the treetops.\\
'''Roz:''' ''[gives Niles another dirty look]'' Shut up, ya big doily.
* Daphne informs Frasier that she knows about Niles's crush. He's outraged, not being able to recall the little detail of just ''who'' clued her in.
-->'''Frasier:''' Someone blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut?! Who was it? Dad? Roz?\\
'''Daphne:''' You.
[[AC:724: Something Borrowed, Someone Blue, Part 2]]
* Frasier blaming Roz for his revealing everything to Daphne.
* While much of the scene is heart-wrenching, there's severe MoodWhiplash as Niles and Daphne's attempts to talk are ''repeatedly'' ruined by people bursting in, culminating in Simon and Gertrude Moon bringing the entire wedding party into the room, even after Niles and Daphne lock the doors (Simon stole Frasier's key).
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 8]]
[[AC:801 / 802: And the Dish Ran Away with the Spoon]]
* Niles and Daphne having to break the news to Mel and Donny about what's happened. Donny faints, and Mel...
-->'''Niles:''' Please, say something.\\
'''Mel:''' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!'''''
* At the fake wedding reception for Niles and Mel, Martin decides to have his fun by faking concern the marriage won't last.
[[AC:803: The Bad Son]]
* Niles enjoying the fact he no longer even needs an excuse to see Daphne.
-->''[Daphne answers the doorbell to reveal Niles standing outside]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Hey Niles! I thought you were working.\\
'''Niles:''' Well, the patient cancelled, so I thought I'd drop by and see you. ''(sighs)'' Oh my god, you have no idea how good it feels to say that. I'm here to see ''you!'' No more flimsy pretences, no more making tedious small talk with dad!\\
'''Martin:''' Hey, Niles, it's 82 in Florida!\\
'''Niles:''' Here to see Daphne, dad!
[[AC:804: The Great Crane Robbery]]
* Frasier and Mel's [[BlatantLies warm reunion]] at Café Nervosa.
-->'''Mel:''' Frasier, you're looking-\\
'''Frasier:''' And you. We must do this again sometime. ''(flees)''
* Frasier redesigning his apartment after new KACL owner Todd takes a shine to it and imitates it exactly. At the end of the following montage, Frasier has gotten rid of everything in his apartment except Martin's chair. Then Todd shows up to say his apartment is getting media coverage. A horrified Frasier tries to sit down, only [[HoistByTheirOwnPetard there's a problem there]]...
* Niles, being forced to act like a jackass by Mel, is told to insult a man at dinner so Mel can have justification for divorcing him. And when Niles does, it all goes horribly right.
[[AC:812: The Show Must Go Off]]
* Want to see a magnificent actor [[LargeHam ham it]] UpToEleven? Watch Sir Creator/DerekJacobi on the stage in this episode. Or even better, the end of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YClxN6uENbg this scene]].
[[AC:813: Sliding Frasiers]]
* In this episode-long parody of ''Film/SlidingDoors'', Frasier's love life undergoes different twists and turns leading up to Valentine's Day (although both end with him single and still looking) depending on whether he decides to wear a suit or a more casual sweater to a speed date (at the time, a new innovation). In the "sweater" path, he has a miserable time at the speed date, which takes a while to register with Martin:
-->''[a sullen Frasier trudges into his apartment, hurling his keys onto the shelf, as Martin watches TV]''\\
'''Martin:''' Hey Fras. How'd that speed date thing go?\\
'''Frasier:''' Could ''not'' have been ''worse''.\\
'''Martin:''' That's nice.\\
'''Frasier:''' You're not listening, Dad.\\
'''Martin:''' Oh - I'm sorry, son. ''[he mutes the TV as Frasier hangs up his coat]'' Well, d'you get any phone numbers?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but... if I ever wanna track any of them down, I can always write to them, care of... the bottom of the barrel. ''[rips off his nametag]''
* Things are going rather better for Niles and Daphne, especially in the "sweater" path. As Frasier is feeling sorry for himself, Daphne arrives with a double armload of grocery bags:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[opening the door in response to Daphne knocking]'' Oh, oh, hi Daphne, here, let me help you with that. ''[takes two of Daphne's grocery bags]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Oh, thank you, Dr. Crane.\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, of course, yes. ''[looks at the bags]'' Boy, you're really loading up, aren't you?\\
'''Daphne:''' It's for Niles' Valentine's dinner!\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, that's not 'til next week!\\
'''Daphne:''' I know, but it's a complicated recipe, I need time to practise. You two are gonna be my guinea pigs! ''[heads into the kitchen]''\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sotto voce, to Frasier]'' Maybe we could fake our own deaths.
[[AC:814: Hungry Heart]]
* Due to anxiety issues leading to overeating (and because actress Jane Leeves was pregnant) Daphne has become very fat, a story arc that culminates in this episode. She falls over and hurts her ankle and it takes the three Crane men (Frasier, Niles and Martin) to lift her off the floor. Martin's innocent delivery of the following line, clearly believing Daphne will find it amusing (she doesn't), is icing on the cake.
--> '''Martin:''' Hey Daphne, I just realized something! It took three Cranes to lift you!
[[AC:815: Hooping Cranes]]
* An ecstatic Martin comments on Niles making the free throw shot. The delivery is what makes it funny:
--> '''Martin''': I know I always told you boys that sports aren't important... but they ''are''.
* In the b-plot, Roz starts dating a French guy, despite only speaking two words of French (''oui'' and ''non''), and when she wants to break it off with him, asks Frasier for help. Turns out he's been wanting to break it off with her as well, so while Roz is reciting her planned break-up speech, Frasier and the guy are discussing where to find a good steak.
[[AC:816: Docu.Drama]]
* Frasier, ranting about being called overbearing by Roz, gets defensive.
-->'''Frasier:''' I'm just passionate! And ''right!'' And [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs passionate about being right!]]
* "I have got to show her once and for all that I am not some meddler and she is only being paranoid! [[HypocriticalHumor Now I'll be in my room, plotting some way to prove it.]]"
* John Glenn in the recording studio, while Roz and Frasier are having a discussion. The [[SelectiveObliviousness Selectively Oblivious]] astronaut-turned-senator goes on a spiel about his days in the space program...giving an increasingly strong implication that he and the other astronauts were told to cover up some of the things they saw up there....
[[AC:817: It Takes Two to Tangle]]
* Trying to distract the wealthy Penelope Janvier's son William, who objects to his mother's philanthropic ways, Niles claims one of her party's servers wants her to fund a play. Soon, he's confronting some waiters about it:
-->'''William:''' All right, listen up! Which one of you snack-jockeys is trying to get a play produced?\\
''(every waiter in the room raises their hands, as do some of the guests)''
[[AC:819: Daphne Returns]]
* Roz tells Frasier that she is planning to write a children's book based on a story her mother told her when she was younger and that she is now using to entertain Alice (unaware that [[Literature/{{Heidi}} the story has already been published]]). Frasier recalls that he and Niles wrote children's detective stories with themselves as young sleuths when they were younger, "along the lines of a ''[[Literature/TheHardyBoys Hardy Boys]]'' or a ''Literature/NancyDrew''..."
-->'''Roz:''' "The Nancy Boys"?
* After Niles realizes that he's been idealising Daphne too much for too long and needs to come to terms with the fact that she's flawed and human rather than put her on a pedestal, he decides to confront her insecurities head-on and demonstrate to her that he is willing to do this. Unfortunately, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6t9R4GBejo he decides to do this by insulting her cooking, much to her annoyance, which leads to an argument where certain other truths are revealed:]]
-->'''Niles:''' Then I don't know what you want! I can't read minds, you know! And by the way, neither can you.\\
'''Daphne:''' ''[Offended]'' Are you saying I'm not psychic?!\\
'''Niles:''' Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
* Daphne tops everything with this line when Niles thinks they're going to have make-up sex.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(icily grinning)'' Well, at least we know who's ''not'' psychic.
[[AC:821: Semi-Decent Proposal]]
* While playing a game of truth, Daphne and Niles reveal two dark secrets they've never told anyone. Roz isn't very impressed by either (beating up a kid with rickets for Niles, stealing a teddy bear and then returning it for Daphne), and decides she shouldn't share hers with them. Martin tries to convince her.
-->'''Martin:''' Well, come on, I'll tell you what: whisper it in my ear, and if I think they can handle it I'll tell them.\\
'''Roz:''' Okay.\\
''(Roz leans in and whispers into Martin's ear. After a few seconds his smile vanishes and he looks appalled. He stands up, and without a word starts walking off to his room, stopping only to look back at Roz with horror.)''
[[AC:822: A Passing Fancy]]
* Frasier is tutoring Kirby, which isn't going well. At one point, Frasier tries to sweeten the deal:
--> '''Frasier''': All right, Kirby, I'm gonna make you an offer. If you will agree to knuckle down and study, I will treat you to a sumptuous dinner at Les Habitants. How does that sound?\\
'''Kirby''': You and me at a fancy French restaurant?\\
'''Frasier''': That's right.\\
'''Kirby''': Kind of gay.
[[AC:824: Cranes Go Caribbean]]
* It seems the weekend getaway to Belize that ultimately turns into a Crane family vacation has an especially powerful effect on Niles - to Frasier's disgust:
-->'''Niles:''' Frasier, this vacation is going to do you good! ''[pats Frasier's leg]'' This place is completely freeing. Would you believe that today I dabbled in public nnn''nudity''? ''[Frasier looks uneasy]'' Daphne and I found a secluded cove on the beach. We shed our garments and surrendered ourselves to the sand, the sea, and one rather curious grouper! ''[grins]''\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TooMuchInformation Don't you have a diary!?]]
* At dinner, Martin gleefully tells a worried Daphne and Niles that the skipper of his fishing boat has a telephoto lens and posts pictures of nude beachgoers in the bait shop under "Catch of the Day" - unaware that his fellow diners have apparently become that day's "catch". In TheStinger, Niles smuggles the picture out of the bait shop in his shirt and shows it to Daphne; the gradual shift in their expressions from shock to self-satisfaction (before they flee the fishing boat skipper, who runs after them with a hammer when he discovers the photo missing) is hilarious.
* Frasier [[RantInducingSlight loses his cool]] when he finds out that the seafood restaurant is out of every fish dish on the menu and they offer him steak instead.
-->'''Frasier:''' There is an ocean [[AddedAlliterativeAppeal full of fresh fish not fifteen feet away]], [[LargeHam but why not try a slab of artery-clogging, hormone-injected, frozen red meat instead?!?]]
* And once Frasier has stomped off, an outraged Martin asks the waiter why no-one told him they had steak.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 9]]
[[AC:901 / 902: Don Juan in Hell]]
* Frasier trying to figure out his feelings re: Claire or Lana, and the montage of him asking everyone, including Martin, Daphne, and a janitor on the plane home.
* The entirety of the second half, where Frasier, now agonizing over his decisions, heads out for a drive. He soon gets joined by a hallucination of Lilith, followed shortly after by Diane. And then he starts seeing a hallucination of Nanette when he first met her - a young, CuteButCacophonic hippie.
* Eventually, Frasier reaches the cabin the Cranes used to go to (as seen in "Mamma Mia"), and the situation gets worse for him, and his attempts at psychoanalysis, when a hallucination of Hester shows up to weigh in.
* Frasier's attempts to flee his own mind turning on him aren't helped when he opens the door to the cabin and sees a veritable horde of all the girlfriends of the week from across the series.
-->'''Frasier:''' It's every woman I've ever dated!
[[AC:903: The First Temptation of Daphne]]
* In the B plot, a particularly noisy cricket invades Frasier's apartment. Martin insists that Eddie, as a terrier, is a born hunter, and sics him on the cricket. Eddie immediately begins chasing his own tail.
* Time passes, and Frasier is unable to sleep through the cricket's chirping, leaving him a nervous wreck.
-->''[the cricket chirps; Frasier frantically slaps the kitchen counter with a fly swatter, but to no avail]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[slumps, defeated]'' Damn it!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[entering and getting a beer from the fridge]'' Geez, you still at it? Why don't you go to your room, you won't even hear the thing if you close your door!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[wild-eyed]'' Close my door!?... And just ''concede'' defeat, I know, here's a better idea, I'll just move out and let him have the run of the place! That's good, I'll have two apartments, one for me, one for my cricket! ''[Martin gives him a "Stop being ridiculous" look; Frasier calms down]'' I ''tried'' closing my door, and I could still hear it. ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier jolts, despair in his voice]'' Dear god, can't you make him ''shut up''!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[heading into the living room]'' That prayer doesn't get answered around here.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[shoots Martin a DeathGlare, then follows him and points the fly swatter at him]'' THIS IS YOOOUR FAULT! ''You're'' the one who brought him here!\\
'''Martin:''' ''[sitting in his chair]'' What's the big deal?! If you were paying a ton of money to stay in some country inn, you'd be loving the sound of crickets!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes, well, I love a babbling brook, too, but that doesn't mean I want one '''surrrging''' through my condo! ''[throws the fly swatter onto the dining table and heads for the phone]'' I'm calling an exterminator.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[horrified]'' No, you can't do that, the chemicals are too dangerous for Eddie!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[stops in his tracks]'' All right, fine, you have ''twenty-four hours'' to get that ''intruder'' out of here, or I'm calling, Eddie or no Eddie! ''[the cricket chirps again; Frasier slowly turns toward the kitchen, a tortured look in his eye]'' It ''taunts'' me.
* Frasier and Martin finally catch the cricket with the aid of a gecko on a dental floss leash, but the two Cranes, high on the thrill of the hunt, reason that crickets only chirp to attract mates, so there must be a second cricket in the apartment, and they must release the gecko again. In TheStinger, as Frasier and Martin compete to see who can stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at once (a CallBack to the episode's first scene, in which Martin revealed that Duke can fit 27 marshmallows in his mouth), the camera pans to the end of the dental floss leash to reveal that Eddie has eaten the gecko.
[[AC:906: Room Full of Heroes]]
* The kids in the building are terrified of Frasier, because Martin told them that "Old Man Crane" eats brains. It becomes a RunningGag throughout the episode, and the end of the episode features Frasier appearing to [[ItMakesSenseInContext pull Niles' scalp off]].
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(after Daphne informs him about the "Old Man Crane" rumour)'' Who knows how these things happen?\\
''(cut to outside the apartment where a bunch of kids are playing when Martin and Eddie show up)''\\
'''Martin:''' Whoa! Hey, hey, keep it down, will ya?\\
'''Kid:''' We're just playing.\\
'''Martin''': I know, but... you know how Old Man Crane gets, especially on Halloween, or as he calls it, "harvest time".\\
''(the kids scream and run away in terror)''
* Every single time Niles imitates Martin, and the two go "HA!" simultaneously.
[[AC:907: Bla Z Boy]]
* Frasier insists ThereAreNoCoincidences when Martin spills oil on his Berber rug, thinking Martin did it on purpose, whether consciously or subconsciously. Martin's reply is priceless.
-->'''Martin:''' For the last time, this was not malicious, it was an accident!\\
'''Frasier:''' I don't think you know the difference!\\
'''Martin:''' Yes, I do! ''(points at rug) That'' was an accident! ''(angrily squirts oil all over Frasier's shirt and face)'' '''''THIS IS MALICIOUS!'''''
* Frasier accidentally sets fire to the chair while it's perched on the balcony while he's removing the stain from the rug. His attempts to put out the fire lead to the chair toppling off the balcony, leading to this perfectly timed moment:
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(walking on the sidewalk with Martin)'' Dr. Crane's moods never last very long. [[TemptingFate I'm sure we've seen the worst of it.]]\\
''(The smoking chair '''CRASHES''' right in front of the shocked duo.)''
* Frasier makes a complete duplicate of Martin's chair, leading to one of the biggest ironies of the show.
-->'''Frasier:''' You can't find that [chair for sale anywhere], Dad -- it doesn't exist anymore. Which is why I contacted a master builder, showed him some photographs, and had him duplicate it. As for the material, I tracked down the original manufacturer, and once I got them [[OldShame to admit they made it]], I had them reweave it!\\
'''Daphne:''' It must have cost a fortune!\\
'''Frasier:''' Yes -- ironically, this is now the most expensive piece of furniture in the entire apartment!
[[AC:910: Junior Agent]]
* Frasier, feeling Bebe is dumping him for the newest hot commodity and pawning him off on a ditzy underling, gives a tender speech about how this means they must part ways, concluding with:
-->'''Frasier:''' And screw, may I add, '''YOU!'''
* Then it turns out that underneath that ditziness, Bebe's choice of underling is almost as much of a shark as she is, and she successfully talks Kenny into listening to her. [[ItMakesSenseInContext By stealing his pants.]]
[[AC:911: Bully for Martin]]
* An infatuated Roz turning everything around to her relationship with Roger, so that even the most artsy thing Niles can think of won't stop her. It gets to the point where he's totally willing to abandon Daphne rather than stay.
-->'''Niles:''' ''(to Frasier, who's just sat down)'' Frasier, order your coffee and get out of here.\\
'''Frasier:''' What about Daphne?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(shakes head)'' Forget about Daphne, it's too late for her.
[[AC:912: Mother Load, Part 1]]
* During Frasier's feud with Cam Winston, one of his victories is getting Cam restricted from parking his SUV in the parking garage by arguing it pollutes.
-->'''Cam:''' Oh, get off your high horse. You do your fair share of polluting with that [[CompensatingForSomething substitute for masculinity]] you're driving. \\
'''Frasier:''' If mine's a substitute for masculinity then what is yours? \\
'''Cam:''' [[HypocrisyNod Bigger.]]\\
''(Martin laughs.)''\\
'''Frasier:''' That's ''not funny''!
* Frasier tries to get Daphne's mother and brother out of the apartment by praising the wonders of America with an inspirational speech (while in a feud with the apartment above):
-->'''Frasier:''' This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States -- this ''America''! (''[[FlagDrop enormous American flag]] unrolls over the windows directly behind him'')\\
'''Niles:''' How did you do that?
* Followed by Frasier's epic "CAM WINSTOOON!"
[[AC:914: Juvenilia]]
* Frasier, with a little help from Kirby of all people, managing to eviscerate the smug little twerps of Teen Scene after they've spent the entire time tearing him a new one.
[[AC:915: The Proposal]]
* There's an absolutely hysterical FunnyBackgroundEvent at the end of the episode. Daphne has just accepted Niles' proposal after Frasier has surreptitiously ushered out the musicians, waiters and angels who he and Niles had hired to make it memorable. A man with a trumpet walks out of the bedroom upstairs, about to play a fanfare as Daphne and Niles embrace... And Frasier tackles him back into the room.
[[AC:916: Wheels of Fortune]]
* This part is pretty self-explanatory:
-->'''Blaine''': Now now, he has every right to be up here. He ''is'' one of God's creatures.\\
'''Frasier''' ''(defensively)'': '''I am no such thing!'''
[[AC:918: War of the Words]]
* Niles' encouragement for Freddie at the end: [[SeriousBusiness "SPELL HIS ASS OFF!!!"]] The entire episode plays up "The Bee" for maximum melodrama as though it's a Samurai Code or something. Especially the "legend" of Niles Crane.
-->'''Martin:''' Choked... or was it an ''elaborate conspiracy''?\\
'''Freddie:''' What?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(looking over the back of his chair)'' Oh, thought I heard him coming. Nah, he choked.
[[AC:919: Deathtrap]]
* Frasier and Niles stumble upon a disembodied skull. [[LargeHam Their dramatic reactions are definitely something to behold]]--and the camera work brings it UpToEleven. The funniest part is that the audience already knows it's a fake skull from a previous scene in {{Flashback}} showing young Frasier and Niles talking about getting it for their play, then losing it.
-->'''Niles:''' So...perhaps the poor fellow...met his end in some--some sort of...violent ''accident''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Violent'', yes... ''(looks up at Niles)''...but an accident...?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(MAJOR pull to close-up; long pause; eyes bulge)'' MURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDER!!!\\
'''Frasier:''' MURDERRRRRRRRRRRRRR MOST '''FOUUUUUUUUUUUUUL'''!!!
[[AC:920: The Love You Fake]]
[[AC:921: Cheerful Goodbyes]]
* As the episode opens, Frasier re-assures [[Music/RufusWainwright Jeremy]], a teenage caller, that problems that seem big now may have a positive impact on who he is in later life, and cites a young man he knew who wet the bed until he was 12, "Or was it 13? Boy, you'd think I'd remember, I slept in the lower bunk," for whom the experience allowed him to develop the empathy that is critical to his professional work as a psychiatrist. The now grown young man doesn't take this revelation lightly when he joins Frasier on a trip to a conference in Boston:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[as he, Niles, Daphne, and Martin head through the arrivals area at Logan Airport]'' Oh, I love returning to Boston, there's just something in the air!\\
'''Niles:''' ''[every word dripping with TranquilFury]'' Perhaps the toxic gas spewing from your gigantic mouth.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[fishes his checked bag tag out of his carry-on bag]'' Oh, Niles, will you just let it go? I didn't mention your name.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, no, you just said it was someone with whom you shared a bunk bed who is now a psychiatrist. I'd say that narrows the field down to, ''[pretends to think]'' hmm - '''me.'''\\
'''Frasier:''' But only to someone who knows you're my brother! And who would that be?\\
'''Niles:''' My patients!\\
'''Martin:''' The guys at work.\\
'''Daphne:''' One of the flight attendants.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[looks at Daphne, then rolls his eyes]'' Oh, so that's why she looked at me that way when I told her I spilled my drink.
* Phil (played by Phil Perlman, Rhea's father) stands up to offer a toast.
-->'''Phil:''' I just wanna thank you Cliff, for all the great times we had at Cheers.\\
'''Cliff:''' You were always there for me, Al.\\
'''Phil:''' I'm Phil. Al's been dead for fourteen years, ya dumb son of a bitch![[note]] A reference to Al Rosen, who played a barfly in the early series of ''Series/{{Cheers}}'' before his death in 1990 - fourteen years, indeed, before this episode was recorded.[[/note]]
* Frasier, Daphne, and Martin are all enjoying themselves at Cliff's farewell party - Frasier because of the attention he is receiving as a minor celebrity, Daphne because she actually believes Cliff's nonsensical "fascinating facts", and Martin because he has found a kindred soul in Norm. Niles, however...
-->'''Carla:''' Hey! White bread! ''[sits in one of the empty seats at Niles' table]'' What could possibly be wrong on this most wonderful of nights?\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, uh... no offence, it's just that we had reservations at one of the finest restaurants in Boston, and instead we're eating trail mix and drinking this... ''[reads the label on the bottle in the middle of the table; horrified]'' Oh dear God, it's just labelled "Wine"!\\
'''Carla:''' ''[grins and taps Norm, who is sitting behind her]'' Hey Norm, doesn't he remind you of Frasier? ''[leans toward Niles]'' Say "indubitably".\\
'''Niles:''' ''[put upon]'' Must I?\\
'''Norm:''' ''[as he and Carla laugh]'' It's uncanny!
* Carla's [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech epic put down]] of Cliff, in which she vents about the last 20 years of knowing him.
-->'''Carla:''' I sure do. Cliffy, I know that things haven't always been that great between us over the years, but being here tonight, makes me think about the effect that you've had on my life. I'd like to say that I'll miss you... I'd like to say that I'll miss you...\\
'''Frasier:''' It's okay, Carla.\\
'''Carla:''' I'd like to say that I'll miss you... but it sticks in my throat like your '''''rotten deviled eggs'''''! ''(increasingly loud and angry)'' I hate your guts! The way you talk and talk and talk about nothing! The way you walk, your stupid white socks...\\
'''Frasier:''' Carla!\\
'''Carla:''' ''(to Frasier)'' '''''Back off, I'm toasting!''''' ''(to Cliff)'' The twenty years I've known you would have been less painful if I was covered with open sores and thrown into a pit with, with a bunch of diseased rats. But finally, you're leaving! I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I can live again. ''I can live again! '''Finally, I can live! I can live!'''''
* And even funnier: Cliff then decides that he can't leave friends who can joke around like that.
-->'''Carla''': I wasn't joking! I really hate you! [[RapidFireNo No! No! No!]]
[[AC:922: Frasier Has Spokane]]
* The KQZY station manager tries to distract the press during a disastrous press conference announcing Frasier's replacing of a Spokane radio legend.
-->'''Herm Evans''': [[INeedAFreakingDrink Hey, what's this over here? Free liquor?!?]]
[[AC:924: Moons Over Seattle]]
* It seems Martin's job as a security guard has hit a bump in the road:
-->'''Frasier''': Hey Dad, how was work?\\
'''Martin''': Oh, great. I finally busted that guy who was writing "Seymour Butz" on the sign-out sheets.\\
'''Frasier''': So who was it?\\
'''Martin''': Senior Vice-President Butz. I'm on probation for a week.
* Frasier tries to clear the air after sleeping with Roz.
-->'''Frasier:''' I seem to recall the word 'stallion-like'!\\
'''Roz:''' I never said stallion.\\
'''Frasier:''' Well, ''one'' of us did!
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 10]]
[[AC:1001: The Ring Cycle]]
* As the episode opens, Niles and Daphne have eloped to a casino chapel in Reno. As Niles is looking over the selection of rings (having accidentally left the ones they planned to use back in Seattle), Daphne's mobile rings; it's Roz, whose building is on the news ("some murder/suicide thing"). Roz tells Daphne to turn on the television so she can see her waving, so Daphne has to explain that she isn't in Seattle because she's marrying Niles in Reno. Cue the two of them {{Squee}}ing ecstatically while Niles' credit card is run by the wedding officiant:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[signing his credit card receipt]'' Apparently it's some sort of dolphin emergency.
* Martin mentions that he made his own lunch, and Frasier briefly assumes that Martin created some vile culinary concoction before finding out that Martin just packed a bunch of snacks. He's still miffed, though.
-->'''Frasier:''' Two bags of chips, three puddin' cups, and a root beer.
-->'''Martin:''' What's wrong with that?
-->'''Frasier:''' A, this is not a lunch, and B, I fail to see how it took you so long since you did not make anything but simply transferred smaller containers into a larger one!
* When Niles and Daphne are holding a fake wedding after they eloped, Roz has the unfortunate task of driving Daphne's mother. Fortunately, she gets taken down. By Alice Doyle of all people.
-->'''Gertrude:''' In my day we never drove so recklessly, and do you know why?\\
'''Alice:''' (''completely sincerely'') Is it because you used to ride dinosaurs?\\
(''everyone stares at Alice in shock'')\\
'''Gertrude:''' (''to Roz'') You should talk to your daughter. (''walks off'')\\
'''Roz:''' (''to Alice, beaming'') When we get home you're getting ice cream.
* The group's hilariously awkward behavior when they spot Donny at the courthouse, from Frasier's panicked order for everyone to ''look at their shoes'' to his excuse for everyone but Daphne and Niles to leave the conversation.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[excitedly]'' Say, is that a drinking fountain over there!?\\
'''Martin:''' ''[just as excitedly]'' It sure looks like one! ''[he, Frasier, Roz, and Gertrude race toward said drinking fountain]''
[[AC:1002: Enemy at the Gate]]
* After a mishap concerning getting out of paying for a parking garage he didn't use, Frasier rushes back to KACL in time to finish his show. Unfortunately, Roz, in her attempts to fill in for him, unintentionally told everyone that she slept with Frasier. When asked about what happened during "the incident", an unknowing Frasier describes the ''parking garage'' incident instead.
-->'''Frasier:''' Well, it certainly wasn't my finest hour. I got in, realized I made a mistake and then tried like hell to get out. There was a lot of shouting and then a line started to form behind me. You'd be surprised how long 20 minutes can be when you're watching the clock. Fortunately, my brother was there to serve as moral support, and, let's face it, someone to talk to. At least, in the end, I got out of there without paying the four dollars.
-->'''Roz:''' ''(silently puts her head to the table in embarrassment)''
[[AC:1005: Tales from the Crypt]]
* The rehearsal for the "zombie" prank (especially Martin's sarcastic acting)--and the grand finale.
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(To one of the "zombie" actors)'' I ''am'' getting "dead" from you.... I am not getting "undead".
* Roz and Martin's objections to Frasier's prank:
-->'''Roz:''' Everything's gonna go wrong! For one thing, Bulldog's gonna know something's up, 'cause Kenny hardly ever makes him work at night! And then look at all these cameras and all these wires, I mean, what if he spots these?\\
'''Martin:''' And the zombies, as soon as he sees them he's gonna know it's a prank, because he just pranked you! AND THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ZOMBIES!
[[AC:1006: Star Mitzvah]]
* This exchange showing off how fandoms can cross lines.
-->'''Frasier:''' Noel, ''Franchise/StarTrek'' is just a TV show.\\
'''Noel:''' ''(retorting)'' So was ''Literature/BridesheadRevisited''!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''([[TranquilFury through gritted teeth]])'' You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that.
* Frasier asks Noel Shempski to translate his blessing for Freddie's bar mitzvah into Hebrew, and promises to get Scott Bakula's autograph in return. When he fails to do so, Noel gets revenge by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGZV6fsotYo translating the blessing into Klingon instead.]] Bonus points for the nerdy kid translating it to invoke "it sounds better InTheOriginalKlingon" trope verbatim.
* As part of the celebration, Martin digs out an old camera. Frasier and Niles hate it because it's loud, clunky, and the flash is blinding. Martin enjoys torturing the boys with the camera flash, but has only one problem with it:
-->'''Martin:''' Hasn't failed me yet! Oh, well except for that one Thanksgiving when the flash washed Lilith out so bad all you could see were her hair and eyes.\\
'''Frasier:''' That wasn't the camera's fault, Dad. That bloodless skin has confounded even the most experienced photographer.
* Later, Martin has the camera set up on a tripod, while Daphne learns for the first time of Niles' drunken one-night stand with Lilith as seen in "Room Service" and asks if there are any other ex-girlfriends he hasn't told her about. To Niles' horror and Daphne's outrage, Frasier carelessly mentions another woman that he claims he "wouldn't count", and as the conversation turns ever more awkward, he casually makes his way over to the camera, trips it, and uses the distraction by the flash to make his escape. The loudest one to cry out from the flash? ''Martin''.
* Frasier apologizes to Noel by sending him Joan Collins' wig from "[[Recap/StarTrekS1E28TheCityOnTheEdgeOfForever The City on the Edge of Forever]]". Noel has a {{Nerdgasm}} ("I bet it still has some of her DNA on it!"), but Roz doesn't get it, saying, "A ''wig''? That's cruel, even for Frasier!"
* After Frasier and Lilith embarrass themselves (Lilith by bursting into tears and asking Freddie not grow up), the Rabbi comes up to them after the ceremony and tells them they must be very proud...of Freddie, not themselves.
* In TheStinger, we see the pictures from Martin's camera, post-development. The first few are re-creations of the pictures Martin (and Frasier) took over the course of the episode, but the last two are of Frasier lunging toward the camera, berserk with fury.
[[AC:1007: Bristle While You Work]]
* Frasier is interviewing for a new housekeeper now that Daphne is moved out. A RunningGag is how he tells the prospective employees something and then finishes the sentence negatively after they leave:
--> '''Frasier''': Thank you for coming, Mrs. Wilkins. Of course, we have several other of candidates to interview, but we'll be sure to let you know by the twelfth... ''(closes door)'' Of ''never''!\\
''[later, after Trish's interview]''\\
'''Frasier''': I'll be sure to call you the 2nd... ''(closes door)'' I lose my mind!
** Martin does it himself towards the end of the episode when they fire Trish:
---> '''Trish''': Okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week.\\
'''Martin''': Sure, sure. And there'll be a check in the mail sometime after the 1st... ''(closes door)'' ...Asteroid hits the Earth!
** Martin reveals to Daphne that Frasier was unsure of hiring Daphne at first because he thought she'd steal. Naturally, she's offended.
---> '''Daphne''': Did I look like a thief? Was it me shifty eyes?
[[AC:1010: We Two Kings]]
* When Niles and Frasier are arguing over where to have Christmas:
-->'''Frasier:''' But I've had new stockings loomed, and there see, you made me spoil the surprise! And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an ''[[LargeHam Hungarian goose]]''?!\\
'''Niles:''' Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.\\
'''Frasier:''' It's not my date - it's dinner!
* Later in the episode:
-->'''Frasier:''' ''(to Niles)'' [[UsefulNotes/NicolausCopernicus Copernicus]] called - you are not the center of the universe!
[[AC:1012: The Harassed]]
* Julia and Frasier get into an intense name-calling argument. Suddenly, Frasier asks, [[SlapSlapKiss "Are you as turned on as I am?"]] Rather than the typical reaction (see other episodes in the series), Julia is repelled and this kicks off the station putting on a harassment seminar so she doesn't sue.
* Bulldog arrives at the harassment seminar. The facilitator asks him to take a packet but he tells him, "Got an old one."
--> '''Bulldog''': [[IgnoredAesop By the way, the chick at the coffee table's got her high beams on.]]
* The fact that the seminar is being hosted by a company called "Harassment Solutions".
* Gil has a great bit, an epic HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday moment.
-->'''Gil:''' From the bottom of my heart, I apologise for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed, and... you know who you are...\\
''(A male and female co-worker look at each other confusedly)''\\
'''Gil:''' ...all I can say and it's a poor defense is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my time.\\
'''Van Andrews:''' ''(running the harassment seminar)'' Thank you, Gil.\\
'''Gil:''' But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.\\
'''Van:''' Ah, Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called women now.\\
'''Gil:''' Ha. Do they ever.
[[AC:1013: Lilith Needs a Favor]]
* The title refers to Lilith wanting Frasier to "donate" so they can have another child. When Lilith arrives earlier than expected, Martin immediately proves his comment to Frasier that he can't come up with a good excuse on the fly by coming up with a classic INeedToGoIronMyDog excuse just to get away from her:
-->'''Martin:''' I have to go... practice... my signature.
* While Frasier reflects on the situation, Martin absently goes off on a tangent about how Lilith has "seen what the Crane genes can do"...[[ComicallyMissingThePoint which leads to him speculating that if Frasier turns Lilith down, she'll go to Niles]]--who would in turn her down...[[InsaneTrollLogic which would lead to...]]
-->'''Martin:''' She'll go straight to the ''source''...! ''([[OhCrap Look of horror]])'' ...''Me''...! The ''fountainhead''...!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(Long pause)'' [[FlatWhat What?]]
* Martin ''then'' goes on a tangent about the complications in family dynamics ''that'' would cause:
-->'''Martin:''' Can you imagine? Lilith's and my kid would be brother to you and Niles '''''and''''' Freddie... And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father '''''and''''' his brother and Niles would be your son '''and ''his own uncle!''''' It's almost worth doing just so that I can tell the story!
* The prolonged sequence when Frasier is [[ADateWithRosiePalms in the private room in the sperm clinic]]--and Lilith keeps knocking on the door to give him ''pointers''--leading to an epic--
-->'''Frasier:''' IF THERE IS ''ONE THING'' THAT I CAN DO '''BY MYSELF'''...!
[[AC:1014: Daphne Does Dinner]]
* Daphne, now a member of the Crane family, shows she's really a member by throwing a dinner party. You can see where we're going here...
** The episode opens as yet another Frasier-and-Niles-hosted dinner party reaches a messy, premature, and hilarious end. As Daphne sits at the dining table with her chin in her hand and an "I knew this would happen" expression on her face, the guests storm out ''en masse'', one female guest slaps Frasier and says she bets he doesn't even have Tourette's Syndrome ([[HollywoodTourettes he tries shouting a few PG-rated oaths]] after her, to no avail), Niles stamps out another guest's toupee after it was ignited by flaming kabobs (Niles' own idea), the enraged caterer hands Frasier two lobsters and tells him to lose his phone number, and Martin appears from the bedroom wearing a sash and speaking Italian until his sons tell him he no longer needs to pretend to be "the Count". The rotten cherry on the melted sundae is a goat - one of several, apparently - throwing up in the kitchen.
** Daphne tells Niles that his track record for throwing parties with Frasier is a disaster, so Niles excludes a very indignant Frasier from the preparation process. The party is intended to celebrate a painting by artist Mike Shaw (who has been invited but declined) that Niles is donating to an art gallery. However, as Roz prepares to leave after helping set things up, she and Daphne discover that Roz' daughter Alice has written her name in crayon on the Shaw painting, and Daphne sends Roz and the painting to an art restorer while replacing the painting with one of Alice's drawings and covering it with a cloth. She then has to spend the rest of the evening defending it from one guest's attempts to get a peek.
--->'''Daphne:''' You've got two choices: you can either walk away from the painting, or you can limp away from the painting.
** While she is distracted, the Cornish hens in the oven catch fire, and the caterers have closed for the day, necessitating an emergency call to Frasier...
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[hanging up the phone]'' As usual, Frasier has to save the day.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[not looking up from scratching the back of Eddie's neck]'' As usual, Martin has to hear about it.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[taking a pan of Cornish hens out of the oven and pulling a sheet of foil off a roll]'' Suit up, boys! We're goin' in!
** The argument between Frasier and Niles means that Frasier's presence in the kitchen must be kept secret from Niles (resulting in Daphne physically ejecting Niles from the kitchen as the evening wears on); meanwhile, an unenthusiastic Shaw arrives, having been persuaded to attend after all by his gallery, but only meets a couple of guests before joining Daphne's mother to watch a pay-per-view boxing match upstairs. Said guests have to leave early and describe Shaw to Niles as a plain-spoken older man dressed in a plaid shirt and using a cane, a description Niles notices matches Martin - who has just arrived with a set of ramekins at Frasier's request. Unaware of Shaw's presence, Niles assumes that Martin has been mistaken for the artist and tries to usher him out, but the other guests begin engaging him in conversation, and soon he is launching himself enthusiastically into the role by verbally tearing into every piece of art Niles owns, with the guests hanging on his every word. (As the real Shaw didn't want to attend due to his contempt for pretentious "art connoisseurs", he likely would have done something similar...)
** Frasier's presence and the painting's absence finally collide when Niles, who has known Frasier was in the kitchen for a while, struggles with him and ends up getting coated in his signature Cornish hen sauce. Martin grabs the nearest cloth so that Niles can clean himself off... and it's the cloth covering Alice's crayon drawing. Daphne almost smooths things over... until the fact that she ordered the installers of Niles' new chandelier to stay on and end up performing a rush job comes back to bite her, as the chandelier brings down the whole living room ceiling - and her mother's bed, with Mike Shaw and Mrs. Moon snuggling under a pile of coats.
--->'''Frasier:''' ''[putting his arm around Daphne]'' Daphne, congratulations. You're now officially a Crane. ''[Daphne bursts into tears]''
** In TheStinger, Niles walks into the still ruined living room on his way to work and shouts up through the hole in the ceiling for his briefcase.
[[AC:1015: Trophy Girlfriend]]
* Frasier dating a gym teacher is pure comedy gold, especially after he visits her class and she turns into [[Creator/BobHoskins his old gym teacher from school]]. Cue a LOT of {{Squick}} until Frasier manages to work it out....
[[AC:1016: Fraternal Schwinns]]
* Frasier and Niles pretending to know about bikes.
-->'''Niles:''' Call me crazy but I ''like'' a bouncy tire.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''Two'' bouncy tires, and a ''taut'' chain. ...That's good ridin'.
[[AC:1018: Roe to Perdition]]
* In the episode's B plot, Martin gets $60 from an ATM instead of the $20 he wanted to get, and is content to simply sit back with his free $40 until Daphne pressures him to return it, whereupon the other characters lampshade the classic device of Daphne telling a story about her crazy family. The best part is Martin's attempted interruption and Niles' quashing thereof:
-->'''Daphne:''' Just call them and tell them what happened.\\
'''Martin:''' Why should I?\\
'''Daphne:''' Because otherwise, you could end up like my brother Nigel and his baby teeth.\\
''[Frasier, Niles, and Martin exchange eye rolls, each clearly trying to persuade one of the other two to take the bait. Eventually...]''\\
'''Niles:''' ''[with an "Oh, ''fine'' then" tone to his voice]'' What happened with your brother Nigel and his baby teeth?\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, like any child, the first time that he had a tooth fall out, he put it under his pillow at bedtime, and sure enough, the next morning he found that Winston Churchill had left him a shiny new coin.\\
'''Martin:''' ''[''utterly'' deadpan, raising his hand]'' Question.\\
'''Niles:''' No, Dad, we're not stopping. Go ahead, darling. ''[Martin scowls and lowers his hand]''\\
'''Daphne:''' Well, instead of being grateful, he got ''greedy'' and went off to school, punching people in their mouths and scooping up their teeth. ''[Martin is sickened]'' Of course, it didn't work and he got kicked out of school, became a thief, and eventually went to prison.\\
''[Martin looks confused, and gestures toward Frasier as if to say "And the point of this story is...?"]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[attempting to help]'' Where he... fittingly had all of his teeth knocked out?\\
'''Daphne:''' No, he lost his teeth years earlier in a rock-eating contest. Now that's an interesting story. ''[Martin {{Facepalm}}s]'' We were renting a house next to a quarry at the time-\\
'''Martin:''' All ''right'', all right, I'll call the bank!
* Martin's attempts to call the bank's toll-free customer service line serve up a hilarious example of ForInconveniencePressOne. Inevitably, he struggles with the voice-activated menu, and Frasier's attempts to help do just the opposite...
-->'''Martin:''' ''[into phone, angrily]'' PER-SON-AL!\\
'''Niles:''' What'cha doing, Dad?\\
'''Martin:''' Oh, this stupid bank's automated voice system. It's, it's like a maze!\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, give it here. ''[taking the phone from Martin]'' You just push 0, and you'll get an operator. ''[presses the 0 button]'' Little trick I learned. ''[listens]'' Another menu. Hm. Sometimes it's a star. ''[presses the star button; listens]'' All right, maybe 1 will get me back to a main menu. ''[presses the 1 button; listens]'' Ah. Here you go. ''[hands Martin the phone]''\\
'''Martin:''' Got me to the right department?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, but if I remember my high school Spanish correctly, you just qualified for a small business loan. ''[Martin throws his arms up in frustration]''
* So Martin and Daphne go to the bank in person to straighten things out, but the tellers think ''they'' owe ''Martin'' $40, and the branch manager to whom he needs to speak to give back the now $80 the bank has given him erroneously is out of town. The manager who tells him this does offer an alternative, and picks up the phone and dials...
-->'''Manager:''' ''[listens, then enunciates]'' Per-son-al. ''[Martin sinks into a chair in despair]''
* To Martin's shock, he gets a postcard several days letter revealing that the bank has misunderstood his request ''again'' and credited him another $80, so he goes back. Daphne has parked the car in a loading zone after dropping Martin off, but Martin, having already received one parking ticket on his visits to the bank, tells her to pull around to the front, saying he shouldn't be long, and Eddie might be panicking. A security guard overhears this conversation, and when Martin advances to the desk and testily orders the teller to listen to him and do exactly what he says before reaching into his jacket, the security guard jumps to what seems like the obvious conclusion and draws a gun on him. Cut to later, and the bank president tells Martin that they are offering him $10,000 not to press charges, plus the $40 from the original mistake. Martin gives up trying to clear up the misunderstanding and accepts the settlement.
-->'''Bank President:''' That's wonderful. Now, is there anything else I can do for you?\\
'''Daphne:''' Could I open an account?
[[AC:1020: Farewell, Nervosa]]
* '''Frasier:''' "I'm hashing over an ethical dilemma, so I think I could use some black coffee."
* The entire conversation about coffee sizes that follows from this, with Frasier converting between the various coffee shops to find the right size comparable to Cafe Nervosa's.
[[AC:1021: The Devil and Dr. Phil]]
* Bebe is trying to get Frasier back...and back into ''bed''. Niles has ''the'' most perfect remark on this, a CallBack to "Agents In America III":
-->'''Niles:''' I have it: Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.
* The jokes about Bebe's questionable humanity reach a crescendo when Frasier meets her at her hotel room, and Bebe tries to seduce him, while ominous chanting is going on, the room's lit up with a red light, and she's surrounded by steam, and offering Frasier what he's always wanted. Frasier is almost tempted... then flees the room, panicking further when he sees her room number is (naturally) 666.
[[AC:1022: Fathers and Sons]]
* Eddie hopping on the couch and putting his arm on Dr. Leland while staring at him. When Frasier sits down on the other side of the couch, they both sip their sherry and cross their legs in unison. A helplessly confused Eddie stares alternatingly at each man.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:Season 11]]
[[AC:1101: No Sex Please, We're Skittish]]
* Niles and Daphne avert the LawOfInverseFertility. It started with her mistaking a pregnancy test for an ovulation test, then they put two and two together...
-->'''Niles:''' But, my slow sperm...\\
'''Daphne:''' I must have fast eggs.
[[AC:1102: A Man, a Plan and a Gal: Julia]]
* Having decided that he suffers from a case of MinorFlawMajorBreakup when it comes to his girlfriends and trying to break the pattern, Frasier tries desperately to pretend that he's perfectly happy with his unpleasant, rude new girlfriend Julia Wilcox. The pretence gets gradually more and more strained:
-->'''Frasier:''' Isn't this fun? [[BlatantLies I'm having a good time.]]\\
'''Daphne:''' She certainly takes a lot of calls at dinnertime.\\
'''Frasier:''' You know, that's exactly the kind of...flaw that the old Frasier would have...seized upon as a pretext to end the relationship, but I-I know now that... that impulse to run is-is really an indication that my feelings for her are just deepening, and um... gone are the days when I would have said something like... ''[despite his best efforts, his real feelings begin to break through:]'' '''''"How rude!"''''' ... or '''''"She's horrible. I've made a ghastly, ghastly mistake!"''''' ''[Forced smile returns]''
* Later, Julia is playing Pictionary with the Cranes and Daphne. Frasier makes a bad drawing, which causes Julia to make snide comments on all of them before choking on something. When Frasier finally notices, he excuses her to the bathroom. The following conversation ensues...
--> '''Frasier:''' You can't understand the kind of feelings Julia and I have for each other! You may as well ask me to describe the essence of music, or the... the color of starlight!\\
[Julia emerges from the bathroom.]\\
'''Julia:''' Nice towels, Frasier. You'd think a couple of old ladies lived here.\\
'''Frasier:''' [[TranquilFury Get out!]]\\
'''Julia:''' [disbelieving] Excuse me?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[SuddenlyShouting I said "get out"!]]\\
'''Julia:''' I'm sorry; have you lost your mind!?\\
'''Frasier:''' No, that happened earlier when we ''slept together''!\\
'''Julia:''' Are you breaking up with me!?\\
'''Frasier:''' You're damn right I am!\\
'''Julia:''' I want my purse!\\
'''Frasier:''' And I... ''my handtowel!''
[[AC:1103: The Doctor is Out]]
* Niles and Frasier assume Roz's new boyfriend Barry -- a buff, lisping guy whose job is a buyer -- is gay. Martin refutes it.
-->'''Martin:''' That guy's not gay! You know how you can tell? '''The muscles'''.\\
'''Niles:''' [[SarcasmMode Good point, Dad. Second tip-off: no poodle.]]
* When Roz and her boyfriend leave:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(to Barry)'' What, no biscotti for you?\\
'''Barry:''' Please — I'm a house.\\
''(Frasier and Niles mouth at each other, "So gay!")''
* Later in the episode, Roz settles the idea Barry is gay with Frasier.
-->'''Roz:''' Yeah, you know what Barry was doing from 10:00 until midnight last night?\\
'''Frasier:''' What?\\
'''Roz:''' '''ME, THAT'S WHAT!'''
* Niles chooses the worst possible moment to shout above the music in a gay bar:
-->'''Niles:''' (''to Frasier, just as the loud music cuts out'') [[SevenMinuteLull WILL YOU PLEASE TAKE ME HOME!?]]
* When the techno blares out in full force, Frasier starts ''bobbing to the beat''.
* Creator/PatrickStewart as Alistair giving a nice twist on the {{Gaydar}} trope--in that his character is ''himself'' gay. His reaction to Niles being married to Daphne:
-->'''Alistair''': ''No''.\\
'''Niles''': Oh, we're expecting!\\
'''Alistair''': Can't say ''I'' was...!
* Frasier keeps insisting that Alistair thinks that he knows Frasier isn't gay and is just being a good friend. Niles snarks back the perfect line:
-->'''Niles:''' He thinks ''I'm'' gay and I'm ''standing next to my pregnant wife''!
* The jokes about Alistair mistaking Niles for gay get even funnier if you know that David Hyde Pierce ''is'', in fact, gay.
* Then you have Alistair inviting Frasier to a party and to watch an opera rehearsal. Niles has stood up and is pining to be taken, too.
-->'''Frasier:''' I would love that. Let me just grab my coffee. Good-bye, Dad. ''(mocking)'' Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(jealous)'' Did you ''see'' that? I would ''kill'' to go to that party. ''(pouts)'' I was at that gay bar too, you know.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(annoyed)'' Let's see: one of my sons just got picked up by a guy. My other son is jealous. [[SarcasmMode Yep, life is good.]]
* Daphne says she fantasizes about being a buddy of Peter O'Toole. When everyone is invited to Alistair's party:
-->'''Daphne:''' Will Creator/PeterOToole be there?\\
'''Alistair:''' [[NoodleIncident No - and he knows why!]]
* Frasier and Alistair are tangoing, very closely, as Frasier tries to "break up" with him.
-->'''Alistair:''' I want to thank you for waiting.\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(nervous)'' Oh no, the waiting was good, I enjoyed the waiting.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(hungrily)'' Oh, me ''too''! How it sharpens the appetite. ''(holds Frasier closer)'' How it builds! The intensity, the heat, the desire! Can you feel it?!\\
'''Frasier:''' ''(horrified)'' [[RagingStiffie Oh yes, there it is!]]
* Followed by this:
-->'''Glinka:''' Don't they make a stunning couple?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(barely bursting from laughing)'' I'm more stunned by them each day.
* The episode ends on Frasier "breaking up" with Alistair, with this corker of an exchange.
-->'''Alistair:''' Would you mind staying tonight until my other guests have gone? I'd hate my friends to think I've been jilted.\\
'''Frasier:''' Of course.\\
'''Alistair:''' It won't be very late. Around about 3:00 it's down to the core crowd, and we'll all relax and unwind.\\
'''Servant:''' It's after midnight, sir. Shall I fire up the hot tub?\\
'''Alistair:''' Absolutely.\\
'''Frasier:''' I'm afraid I don't have a bathing suit.\\
'''Alistair:''' ''(smiling)'' Then you'll fit right in.\\
''(Frasier's smile freezes as the implications dawn on him.)''
[[AC:1107: Maris Returns]]
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pI8dJFW4kaA#t=3m20s This scene]] from Frasier's return to private practice.
[[AC:1108: Murder Most Maris]]
* Frasier (in a horrified-sounding voice) milking the fact that he was "recently--PUNCHED in the face...''by a man now dead''!" to distract from an argument is pretty funny. The fact that it ''works'' is even funnier. That he does it ''twice more'' through the episode and it works ''every single time''? Crowning Moment.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGGRNR4RTio The last straw.]]
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, look at yourself.\\
''(Niles glances down at his naked self.)''\\
'''Niles:''' Hello! ''(to Frasier)'' I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked at Nervosa!\\
'''Frasier:''' I think a lot of people are having that dream.
[[AC:1111: High Holidays]]
* Niles thinks he's high on a pot brownie (which was actually eaten by Martin instead) and is looking forward to the munchies. His idea of the munchies is pairing a Chilean seabass with an aggressive zinfandel. The funniest part is after Niles realizes he's FakeHigh and runs off, Frasier stares at the wine and mutters, "Madness!"
* Frasier tries to make his brother feel better about his inability to be a rebel.
-->'''Frasier:''' You're a good man, Niles. In a way, isn't that rebelling against rebellion?\\
'''Niles:''' ''(smiles sadly)'' Nice try.\\
'''Frasier:''' All right, look at it this way -— you did get our cop father stoned tonight.\\
'''Niles:''' ''(considers this, then grins cockily)'' I did, didn't I?
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXCFjwUp9L8&t=2m18s The "Come to Seattle" ad]], which features Frasier's voice coming out of Eddie's mouth. It freaks out a high Martin.
-->'''Frasier!Eddie:''' Anybody want to go for a walk? Then why not come to Seattle?\\
'''Martin:''' ''Sweet Mother!!!''
[[AC:1112: Frasier-Lite]]
* Frasier has trouble keeping his weight loss team on point:
-->'''Frasier''': Good team, good friends. ''(realizing his weight loss team is going to the birthday party to get cake)'' Good God! People, please, it's not worth it! It's sheet cake!
* Later, just before the final weigh-in:
-->'''Noel''': [[MeatOVision I see giant steaks with legs]].\\
'''Bulldog''': You're hallucinating. ''[[DopeSlap (slaps Noel)]]'' Just pull it together.\\
'''Kenny''': Uh, no, he's right. It's the Beef Council dancers, they're on after us.\\
''([[TheDogBitesBack Noel slaps Bulldog right back]])''
* Niles and Martin are nursing an injured pigeon back to health. When Martin opens the pigeon's box to let the pigeon and Eddie become friends, Eddie wastes no time in grabbing the pigeon in his mouth and running out the door. This leads to an absolutely hysterical moment when Kenny wanders into the living room and, being desperately hungry, starts eating the birdseed Martin was feeding to the pigeon. Frasier passes by the half-eaten corpse of the pigeon in the hall before finding Kenny, who, in embarrassment from eating bird seed, covers his mouth, accidentally leading Frasier to believe that Kenny ''ate the pigeon out of hunger''.
* This leads to how Eddie helps the team lose their appetite.
-->'''Martin:''' ''(sighing)'' Stay out of the hallway. Eddie just threw up a dead pigeon, and now he's eating it again.
[[AC:1114: Freudian Sleep]]
* The way Martin allayed the other three characters' tension about their nightmares:
-->'''Martin:''' Blah blah blah. ''(To Daphne)'' Afraid you're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone. ''(To Frasier)'' Afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family. ''(To Niles)'' Afraid you're going to be a bad father? [[SelfDeprecation Join the club]]. Now clam it up and go to sleep.\\
'''Niles:''' [[HypocriticalHumor I'm starting to regret inviting him up here]].
* Martin and Eddie's dreams in the episode. Of course, since Martin sang a rather catchy tune in his dream, this is equal parts Funny Moment and SugarWiki/AwesomeMusic.
[[AC:1115: Caught in the Act]]
* This exchange:
-->'''Roz:''' ''(on Frasier's brief marriage with Nanny G at a children's book store)'' [[LampshadedDoubleEntendre So, uh, Nanny Gee gave you nice "hugs"?]]\\
'''Frasier:''' Oh, ''big'' hugs.\\
'''Roz:''' No kidding.\\
'''Frasier:''' We used to hug our brains out. In fact, you know, the last time we saw each other she wanted to have a little reunion hug, but alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
* Then:
-->'''Frasier:''' If truth be told, it's been a while since I ''(covers Alice's ears)'' romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(rolling eyes)'' Next time you say something like that, cover ''my'' ears.
* A great line of RealitySubtext:
-->'''Nanny G:''' But nothing ever changes! Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for ''twenty years''?
* This exchange when Frasier and Nannette start making out wildly.
-->'''Daphne:''' ''(aside)'' Isn't she the children's entertainer?\\
'''Martin:''' ''(aside)'' Yeah. Spongebob Hotpants.
* The [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abAvfLw8ROo final scene]] was so hilarious the studio audience reportedly had to be ''muted''.
[[AC:1116: Boo!]]
* The moment when Frasier - tired of being the butt of Martin's practical jokes - retaliates by pretending to leave the apartment, dressing in a clown outfit, hiding in the bathroom and then leaping out with a meat cleaver in hand when Martin passes by...causing Martin to promptly collapse with a heart attack and have to be rushed to hospital. Followed by meeting the screaming coulrophobic patient who was the inspiration for the outfit.
* Frasier trying to find a silver lining leads to this classic Niles snark:
-->'''Frasier:''' You know, maybe we can look on this as a sign that you should begin a healthier lifestyle. Perhaps one day we'll look back on this it and you'll thank me.\\
'''Niles:''' Oh, yes. Maybe then you can find a nice card for Frasier Iike, "Now that I'm old and looking back, I thank you for my heart attack."
* Frasier has a do's and don't's list of foods for Martin, with approved food having a little smiling heart picture next to it. Later, when Frasier notes Martin can't have sex for two weeks, Niles just can't resist.
-->'''Niles:''' What little picture is next to ''that'' one?
* Martin confesses to Ronee he suffered a heart attack. She's less than impressed.
-->'''Ronee:''' And that's it? No surgery, home the next day. That's a bee sting. ''({{beat}})'' Did they use the paddles?\\
'''Martin:''' No.\\
'''Ronee:''' Well, talk to me after they've used the paddles.\\
'''Martin:''' ''(mix of awe and shock)'' You had the ''paddles''?\\
'''Ronee:''' Let's just say I didn't have the best lipo guy.
[[AC:1117: Coots and Ladders]]
* The DramaticThunder sounding off at moments so ''perfect'', Frasier and Niles pull double-takes.
-->'''Frasier:''' Niles, I've committed a crime!\\
'''Niles:''' Don't tell me. You forgot to send the opera board a "thank you" note for the Christmas brickle.\\
'''Frasier:''' By God, man, it's a real crime! Punishable by law!\\
(''At this moment, a thunderclap and a flash of lightning.'')\\
'''Niles:''' By law?\\
'''Frasier:''' Of the United States of America!\\
(''Cue another thunder clap'')
* And the dramatizations of Niles's conjectures of exactly ''what'' Frasier's beating himself up about.
** When Frasier notes someone parking in his reserved space, and goes down to the car park with a hammer:
--->'''Niles:''' In an uncontrollable rage over the commandeering of your parking space, you took hammer to car! You are a vandal!\\
(''In an ImagineSpot, Frasier approaches a car... And angrily smashes in the windshield and hood with the hammer.'')
** When Frasier notes his loneliness after finding a newspaper full of potential prostitutes' phone numbers:
--->'''Niles:''' Don't tell me! In your desperation over being the only Crane man not to find love, you picked up that paper and did the unthinkable!\\
(''Cue another ImagineSpot; Frasier opens the door to a leather-clad hooker.'')
** Immediately afterward, Frasier gets fed up with Niles' jumping to conclusions:
--->'''Frasier:''' I did no such thing, you nit! (''beating him with the paper'') And I am telling this story!\\
'''Niles:''' Very slowly! I'm beginning to think you didn't do anything!
[[AC:1122: Crock Tales]]
* In the 2002 vignette, we get this gem of PurpleProse even by Niles' standards:
-->'''Niles''': Last night, Daphne and I engaged in sweet carnal delights.\\
''(because of the way he pronounced it, though, Martin just has to ask)''\\
'''Martin''': Did you say "carnal" or "caramel"?
* Niles is so distracted by his euphoria over the consummation (several times over, apparently) of his relationship with Daphne that he has forgotten to bring Roz a birthday present, and hastily wraps the earthenware crock that features in each of this episode's vignettes. Frasier's "Yes, I know, don't say anything" gesture to Martin as Roz unwraps the gift is priceless.
-->'''Roz:''' ''[deadpan]'' It's a crock. With a chipped lid, ''[lifts lid]'' and a dead bee. Thank you, Niles.\\
'''Niles:''' ''[not really listening owing to the "come hither" look Daphne has been giving him]'' Glad you like it.
* The exchange by Daphne and Roz (who is in a dating dry spell) about Niles' prowess:
-->'''Daphne:''' ...and just when I thought I'd worn him out, he flips me over like a griddle cake, and off we go again!\\
'''Roz:''' Niles?!\\
'''Daphne:''' I couldn't catch me breath, it was like a marathon! I tell you, he's spoilt me for any other man.\\
'''Roz:''' ''(absolutely gobsmacked)'' ''Frasier's brother'' Niles?\\
'''Daphne:''' ''(giggling)'' And guess how he woke me up this morning?\\
'''Roz:''' Oh, ''shut up already!''
** Later, Niles and Daphne decide to run to her bedroom:
--->'''Niles:''' We'll be back very [[FreudianSlip quickie]].\\
'''Daphne:''' Quickly!\\
'''Niles:''' Quickly.
** Leading to this reaction:
--->'''Martin:''' You don't think they're gonna...?\\
'''Frasier:''' [[BrainBleach Oh, I have no idea. Try not to think about it.]]\\
''(at that moment, the Cinco de Mayo fireworks explode over the skyline)''\\
'''Roz:''' Wow, he really ''is'' good.
* The 1999 vignette opens with Frasier in costume as Uncle Sam for the KACL 4th of July parade float, telling Martin to wear the remote headphones he bought him so that he doesn't have to hear the baseball games Martin watches. Martin insists that Frasier deliver this instruction in character...
-->'''Frasier:''' ''[handing Martin the headphones]'' Dad, I bought you these headphones so that I wouldn't be subjected to your sports dribble! Please put them on!\\
'''Martin:''' All right, I will. But only if you say it.\\
''[Frasier is halfway to the kitchen; his shoulders sag in dismay, but he decides that if this is what it takes...]''\\
'''Frasier:''' ''[turns and [[UncleSamWantsYou points to Martin]] in imitation of the famous UsefulNotes/WorldWarI [[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1d/Unclesamwantyou.jpg recruitment poster]]]'' I WANT '''YOU'''... to wear those headphones! ''[Martin laughs]''
* Daphne, [[ImpossiblyTackyClothes dressed in clashing polyester for an "ugly American" party with her English friends]], and Niles, asking if "Uncle Sam" didn't just hand him a mattress sale flier, are about to leave with Frasier when he notices the bunting on his balcony is askew, but as they go out to fix it, the door handle comes off in Daphne's hand, locking them outside. Martin can't hear them through his headphones, while when Roz arrives (in costume as Betsy Ross), she goes straight out onto the balcony to watch a Blue Angels fly-by and gets locked out as well. Neither Roz nor Frasier have their phones, so Niles begins digging in his blazer pockets. Just as he finds his phone, Daphne exclaims that the heat is too much and starts stripping off; as this vignette takes place while Niles was still pining for Daphne, he immediately replaces his phone in his pocket.
* In the 1996 vignette, set when Niles and Maris were still married, we get a vintage joke about her neurotic nature:
-->'''Niles:''' ''[entering from the corridor to Frasier's bedroom in a huff]'' Well. I finally got Maris calmed down. ''[picks up a glass of champagne from the bookshelf]'' I ''hope'' you're happy!\\
'''Frasier:''' All I said was, "Maris, why the long face?"\\
'''Niles:''' Yes - and now she's on the phone to her chin grinder in Zurich.
* Roz' arrival heralds both an explanation of how the crock entered Frasier's life and a nod to the Roz-Niles snark of the series' early years:
-->'''Martin:''' Hey, you hungry, Roz? There's cheese here! ''[lifts the lid off the crock]'' Oh... nobody opened it!\\
'''Frasier:''' Dear God, Dad, that's... ''three years'' old, throw it out!\\
'''Martin:''' No, it'll be fine! You sure you don't want any? ''[reads the label on the underside]'' The label says it's "famously spreadable"!\\
'''Niles:''' Funny, Roz, doesn't your label say the same thing?\\
'''Roz:''' ''[smiling thinly]'' What does yours say, Niles - "May cause drowsiness"!?
[[AC:1123: Goodnight Seattle, Part 1]]
* The Crane Event Planning Luck strikes one last time with Martin and Ronee's wedding, due to a combination of a heatwave, a truck crash, Eddie eating some pate, and Daphne's brothers being allowed near a cannon. And then Daphne goes into labor while taking Eddie to the vets to get the wedding rings out of his stomach.
[[AC:1124: Goodnight Seattle, Part II]]
* When Frasier replaces Martin's chair with a designer Eames chair, Martin gives this line:
-->'''Martin:''' Mmmm, well this is pretty comfortable. I would have been okay with this!\\
''(Frasier reacts with an indescribable expression, a mix of anger, shock, and WeCouldHaveAvoidedAllThis.)''
[[/folder]]
