History Funny / FinalFantasyVIIMachinabridged

'''Barret:''' ''[gasps]'' My Wallace wisdom has had no effect.

'''Red XIII:''' Hi, friends.\\
'''Barret and Tifa:''' 'Sup.\\

'''Tifa''': ''(off-screen)'' TELL HIM TO APOLOGIZE FOR POISONING ME TOO!\\

-->'''Barret:''' ''(off-screen)'' HOW THE F*** SHE TALKING TO THAT SNAKE?!?!\\
'''Red XIII:''' ''(off-screen)'' [[HypocriticalHumor Yeah! Animals can't talk!]]

'''Tifa:''' ''(through gritted teeth)'' Looks like someone should ''heal'' me!\\
'''Aerith:''' ''(whispers)'' [[BlatantLies Out of mana.]][[note]]If you look at the battle menu, her MP is full.[[/note]]

'''Tifa''': ''*mumbles deliriously and vomits*''[[note]][[FunWithSubtitles Subtitles]]: [[{{Squick}} "Eww"]][[/note]]\\

'''Tifa''': ''*more delirious mumbling*''

'''Barret[[note]][[FunWithSubtitles The subtitles]] list him as Barret Wallace for just this one line[[/note]]:''' T-that's my last name.\\
'''Red XIII:''' Maybe they sell anti-dot-ies at the buffe-t over there\\

''(Zooming in on Red, who has rotating [[WingdingEyes drumsticks for pupils]])''\\

'''Tifa:''' ''(sobbing)'' I wanna die! ''(vomits again)''\\
'''Barret:''' Auuuuuuugh!!! You can't even hold down an Elixir, and that's the best thing for you!

''[smash cut to fight against the Zolom again, this time Barret instead of Tifa]''\\

** The high-pitched yelp Barret lets out as the Zolom blows him away.

--->'''Red XIII:''' (As he's charging towards the Chocobo) DIIIINNNEEEERRRR!!! ''[smash cut to the overworld portraits, Red has a tuft of Chocobo feathers in his mouth]'' Sorry.[[note]][[FunWithSubtitles Subtitles:]](Not sorry, it was delicious.)[[/note]]\\

'''Red-XIII:''' Dude, we're all dogs to the system...

'''Barret:''' ''(gasps)'' My Wallace wisdom has had no effect.

--->''(the Zolom kicks Red XIII out)''\\
'''Red XIII:''' Hi friends.\\

'''Cloud:''' ''(glasses get removed)''[[note]][[FunWithSubtitles Subtitles:]] [=BadassCloud=] has changed back to Wuss Cloud[[/note]][[OhCrap Ooooh, shit]].

'''[[BitchInSheepsClothing Aerith]]''': [-[[BitchInSheepsClothing You don't have to apologize for that.]]-]

'''Tifa:''' Duh-huh! [[CaptainObvious Ya think?!]]

'''Cloud, Tifa & Aerith:''' [screaming]\\

'''Aerith:''' ''(whispers)'' [[BlatantLies Out of mana.]] ''(if you look at the battle menu, she actually has full mana)''

* Near the end of the episode, Aerith once again heals an enemy because it's hurt, much to everyone's frustration. [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] when AndroclesLion kicks in and the Zolom lets the group pass.

'''Tifa''': (''off-screen'') ''Tell him to apologize for poisoning me, too''!\\
'''Aerith''': (''To Ashton'') [-[[BitchInSheepsClothing You don't have to apologize for that]]-].

* Barret and Red-XIII's reaction to Aerith being able to understand the Midgar Zolem
-->'''Barret:''' ''(off-screen)'' ''HOW THE F*** SHE TALKING TO THAT SNAKE?!?!''\\
'''Red XIII:''' ''(off-screen)'' [-[[HypocriticalHumor YEA! Animals can't talk!]]-]

'''Yuffie:''' [[BrutalHonesty Oh that's because ya didn't, I stole it.]]\\

'''Barret:''' YOU JUST ''SAID'' YOU WERE GONNA STEAL IT! Right after, by the way, you told us you were a KLEPTO-F**KING-MANIAC!!!\\

-->'''Yuffie:''' [[BrutalHonesty Oh that's because ya didn't, I stole it.]]\\
'''Barret:''' ''(with bloodshot eyes)'' YOU STOLE ONE OF MY GRENADES?!?!?!\\

'''Barret:''' Cloouud, she is gonna [[SoLongAndThanksForAllTheGear steal our materia!]]\\

-->'''Cloud''': (''dumbfounded'') Did it... [[TooDumbToLive Did it forget that it needed water to survive]]?\\

'''Barrett''': DO NOT GO ON!!!

* Aerith can understand what the Midgar Zolom is saying. The Midgar Zolom is a giant snake. Apparently, Aerith is a [[Literature/HarryPotterAndTheChamberOfSecrets Parselmouth]]

'''Aerith:''' ''(whispers)'' [[BlatantLies Out of mana]]. ''(if you look at the battle menu, she actually has full mana)''

'''Tifa:''' ''(sobbing)'' I wanna die! ''(vomits)''\\

'''Barrett''': DO NOT GO ON!

'''Barret:''' ''(whispering)'' [-[[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe I can't '''believe''' you named it]]-]...

-->'''Barret:''' Oh, ''good job'', Barret, the spiky-haired blonde leader of AVALANCE leading us in the wrong direction and shit!\\

* Barret comments how it is basically the same (giant killer robot) while Cloud and Tifa attack it without any plan.

'''Barret:''' ''(whispering)'' [-I can't '''believe''' you named it-]...

* When renaming Aerith, the cursor can't decide between [[InconsistentSpelling "Aeris" or "Aerith"]].

* We start with Yuffie ''still'' singing along to the Gold Saucer music. For ''three hours.''

* Cloud is the only one who tolerates Yuffie in any capacity, largely because of how much she annoys Tifa.

''(Corneo pulls a lever, causing Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith to [[IncrediblyLamePun fall]] though a trapdoor)''

* Elena pulls an IncrediblyLamePun with Rude's name, which he doesn't think is funny. Tseng disagrees.

** Made even more hilarious by Priscilla saying "Bringing a wave of Liberty", since Barrett said in the first episode that "There will be an avalanche of justice", implying that, in addition to all be named after natural disasters, they all have mottos that are [[IncrediblyLamePun puns]] on their names.

'''Red:''' Bet that'll [[IncrediblyLamePun suck!]]\\

-->'''Cait Sith:''' Holy kitty litter. I knew the temple was gonna be something, but I wasn't expecting it to be this... [[IncrediblyLamePun aMAZEing]].\\

** Courtney expresses regret in letting her fiancee listen in to her recording when he asks the proper pronunciation of "gil", and even after she corrects him, he goes on to make the IncrediblyLamePun of "Gil Valentine" (with the soft "g").

* Barret then asks whether Cloud managed to find a uniform that would fit his HeroicBuild. Cloud reassures him that he found just such a uniform... SmashCut to everyone laughing at Barrett wearing a sailor's outfit.

* The attempt to bomb the engine room turns into a discussion on Tifa's bust.

* After dealing with the apparition of Sephiroth, Aerith's potshots at Tifa continue, and the girl is in seriously rare form.
-->'''Cloud:''' Now, all that leaves is for Tifa, Aerith, and I to plant the bomb!\\
'''Tifa:''' Ah-bah-bah, no. Tifa plants the bomb while you two cover my ass.\\
'''Aerith:''' [-At least someone finally will...-]
* To win a boss battle, Cloud uses the Shiva materia to summon an ice goddess, and he [[EvenTheGirlsWantHer and Tifa]] are awed by her beauty. Afterward, Aerith asks to see the materia up close. As soon as Cloud hands it to her, she [[{{Yandere}} "accidentally" drops it.]]

* After Cait Sith betrays the team by handing the Keystone to the Turks, Cloud finally realizes Cait Sith is a spy. The scene suddenly cuts to Tifa, dead drunk with her face down on the table.

** As his last resort, Cait Sith reveals he has Marlene hostage, showing a video of Marlene being held captive by Reno and someone else. With a mischievous look, Marlene reveals [[LittleMissBadass she still has her gun]], causing Reno to shout, "She has a gun!" before she shoots the camera.

* Cloud's InternalReveal about Zack. When he sees Zack walking into town instead of him, Tifa unleashes a ClusterFBomb, all of which gets censored.

'''Tifa:''' ''[[BigShutUp SHUT THE F**K UUUUPPPP!!]]''

-->'''Cloud:''' I might not be as strong as Sephiroth...\\

'''Barret:''' ''(with bloodshot eyes)'' YOU STOLE ONE OF MY GRENADES??!!\\

'''Barret:''' YOU JUST ''SAID'' YOU WERE GONNA STEAL IT! Right after, by the way, you told us you were a KLEPTO-F**KING-MANIAC!\\

'''Barret:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--]] ''*cut back to the fight between Cloud and Rufus*''

-->'''Barret:''' Now listen-- ''(Aerith tries to cast another spell)'' Aerith! Sometimes, you just gotta accept the fact that you ''need'' to ''kill'' things to ''survive!'' Here! I'll show you! ''(fires Big Shot at Hundred Gunner, destroying it)'' There! It's over! It's done! We're safe-- ''(Heli Gunner suddenly appears)'' AW, SON OF A BITCH!!!!

-->'''Barret:''' ''(off-screen)'' ''HOW THE F*** SHE TALKING TO THAT SNAKE?!?!''!\\
'''Red-XIII:''' ''(off-screen)'' [-[[HypocriticalHumor YEA! Animals can't talk!]]-]

** Upon hearing the Zolom has a mate, Red-XIII immediately asks if it's hot.

'''[[ManChild Aerith]]:''' (''sigh'') You're right. You ''are'' [[StealthInsult much older-looking]]. Bye!\\

'''Barret:''' Fire does ''not'' do ''anything'' to ''robots''!\\

'''Barret:''' [[BigNo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]]-- ''*cut back to the fight between Cloud and Rufus*''

--->'''Rufus:''' You scuffed my ''Giuseppe brand SUIT''!!!\\

-->'''Barret:''' Now listen, Aerith! Sometimes, you just gotta accept the fact that you ''need'' to ''kill'' things to ''survive!'' Here! I'll show you! ''(fires Big Shot at Hundred Gunner, destroying it)'' There! It's over! It's done! We're safe-- ''(Heli Gunner suddenly appears)'' AW, SON OF A BITCH!!!!

* The beginning of the fight with the Motorball.
-->'''Barret:''' Now I know we've all had a ''long day'', [[{{Understatement}} with lots to complain about]]. But I, for one, [[PunctuatedForEmphasis am sick. And tired! OF FIGHTING!!! ROBOTS!!!!!!!]]\\
''(Barret fires Mindblow[[note]]A LimitBreak that drains enemies of their MP[[/note]] at the Motorball, only for it to fail spectacularly because the Motorball has no MP to drain)''\\

** After Cloud uses Bolt to kill the Motorball, this exchange happens:

'''Barret:''' [[YouKnowWhatYouDid YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID]]!!!

'''Red XIII:''' Holy ''shit''.

'''Tifa:''' ''(uncontrollably sobbing)'' I wanna die! ''(vomits)''\\

'''Red XIII''': (''excited'') [[RuleOfThree S]][[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers upper]]!\\

--->'''Chocho''': You can always trust me, Cloud! (''BlackSpeech with RedEyesTakeWarning'')[[note]]Apparently, he says "Join the Reunion. Black Materia" backwards[[/note]]

-->'''Tifa''': Okay, sweetheart? [[CatchPhrase Can you do me a solid]]? Let the ''adult'' handle this.\\

* When Cait Sith saves Barrett, he says they have to biggety bounce out of there. Barrett tells him to never touch his CatchPhrase ever again.

** When Masako leaves a bit before the end of Season 1, naturally, he's described as having to "[[CatchPhrase biggity-bounce]]".

'''Cloud:''' No, they didn't.

* When renaming Aerith, [[SpellMyNameWithAnS the cursor can't decide between "Aeris" or "Aerith"]].

'''Sephiroth:''' Don't care. ''(uses [[StuffBlowingUp Deen]])''

'''Aerith''': ''[[BluntYes No]].''