History Funny / DieHard

* When the rocket launchers are quickly being hauled to an elevator to deal with the police armored vehicle, one guy then curses angrily in German at his cohort for the way the cases were slammed onto the cart. No translation is provided, but we can easily figure exactly what he's angry about.

* When the rocket launchers are quickly being hauled to an elevator to deal with the police armored vehicle, one guy then curses angrily in German at his cohort for the way the cases were slammed onto the cart. No translation is provided, but we can easily get figure exactly what made him angry.

* When ParamountNetwork announced that it was going to be aired ''all Christmas day'' in 2019, we hear an amazing chorus of John's famous quote in the parody of "Hallelujah!"

-->'''911 Operator:''' Whoever you are, this line is for emergency communications only.\\

* Every bit in all the movies when John talks to himself.

** To elaborate, when John realizes that Al is falling for Hans' "false alarm" ruse just like every ''other'' cop in LA, the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpIbiFmY60 means he chooses]] of breaking said ruse is ''waaay'' funnier than it should be;
-->'''Al''': ''(singing)'' Let it snow, let it sno...\\
'''Body of Hans' henchman''': ''(drops through windshield of Al's cruiser)''\\
'''Al''': '''''SHITGODDAMMITJESUS H. CHRIST!'''''\\

** Also Al's calling it in (while still under fire) is hilarious...
-->'''Al''': I'm at Nakatomi Plaza, they're turning my car into Swiss cheese! I need backup assistance now! NOW, GODDAMNIT, NOW!

** And the body that John dropped on the hood flies off as Powell hits a bump.

-->[...]

* While John is crawling through an air duct: "Now I know what a TV dinner feels like."
* John verbally bitch-slapping the Deputy Chief of Police when he tries to tell him to back off.
-->'''Chief:''' You listen to me, you little asshole. I--
-->'''John:''' Asshole? I'm not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, ''Dwayne''! Now you listen to me, jerkoff, you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

--->'''John:''' Is the building on fire?
--->'''Al:''' No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.
* When [[spoiler:the FBI shuts down the electricity to the building, the electromagnetic seal on the vault is lost]], and as it opens, Gruber and Theo get looks on their faces that say what they're seeing is beauty incarnate. At that moment, ''Ode to Joy'' starts playing.
** It's made even better by how (deliberately) preposterously overblown the scene is: a lens flare shines over Gruber's shoulder like the sun rising, and if you look closely, you can see his ''hair blowing'' because of a wind machine.

* Like some school principal, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHQPbZPbxP4 Hans reprimands the hostages]], telling them "I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, ''adroit'', cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas your Mr. Takagi didn't see it that way, so he won't be joining us ''for the rest of his life''." All while casually munching a sandwich.

-->'''Al:''' Well, what are we gonna do now, [[ForgotToPayTheBill arrest them for not paying the electric bill]]?

* The movie ends with Argyle saying "If ''this'' is their idea of Christmas, I ''gotta'' be here for New Year's."

* During his frantic running around the upper floors of the building, [=McClane=] keeps passing the same private corner in the elevator room where an engineer left a wall covered with Playboy centerfolds. His simple response is "Girls..."

-->'''Big Johnson:''' Those bastards are probably pissing in their pants right now\\
'''Al:''' Well, what are we gonna do now, [[ForgotToPayTheBill arrest them for not paying the electric bill]]?

** The operators roll their eyes and sighed when he said that.

''[SWAT team on camera]'' "All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation."\\

-->'''Little Johnson:''' ''(smiles)'' I was in junior high, dickhead.

** A bit of [[FridgeBrilliance fridge humor]], but when Ellis is talking to John, Gruber's men pour Ellis a glass of Coke... meaning he [[DontExplainTheJoke probably asked for coke (as in cocaine)]] but they gave him the wrong kind f coke!

* When [=McClane=] realizes that Al is falling for Hans' "false alarm" ruse just like every ''other'' cop in LA, the [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpIbiFmY60 means he chooses]] of breaking said ruse is ''waaay'' funnier than it should be;
-->'''Al''': ''(singing)'' Let it snow, let it sno...\\
'''Body of Hans' henchman''': ''(drops through windshield of Al's cruiser)''\\
'''Al''': '''''SHITGODDAMMITJESUS H. CHRIST!'''''\\
'''Hans' surviving henchmen''': ''(open fire)''\\
'''[=McClane=]:''' Welcome to the party, pal!
** Also Al's calling it in (While still under fire) is hilarious...
-->'''Al''': I'm at Nakatomi Plaza, they're turning my car into Swiss cheese! I need backup assistance now! NOW, GODDAMNIT, NOW!

* Every bit in all the movies when [=John McClane=] talks to himself.

* John [=McClane=] verbally bitch-slapping the Deputy Chief of Police when he tries to tell him to back off.
--> '''Chief:''' You listen to me, you little asshole. I--
--> '''John:''' Asshole? I'm not the one who just got butt-fucked on national TV, ''Dwayne''! Now you listen to me, jerkoff, you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Quit being part of the fucking problem and put the other guy back on!

---> '''John:''' Is the building on fire?
---> '''Al:''' No, but it's gonna need a paint job and a shitload of screen doors.

-->''(talking to John on his cell, but the connection was cut off by the criminals)''\\
'''Argyle:''' ''(to the bear)'' You know the number?\\\
''(finding no way out of the parking garage, he parks his limo and sighs. He looks at his rear view mirror and sees the bear)''\\
'''Argyle:''' Shut up.

--->'''Big Johnson:''' YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAA!!! JUST LIKE FUCKIN' SAIGON! Eh, slick?\\
'''Little Johnson:''' *smiles* I was in junior high, dickhead.

-->Oh, no! You're one of them, aren't you? You're one of them! Please don't kill me!

-->Nice suit. John Philips, London? I have two myself. Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.

--> '''Ellis:''' I watch 60 Minutes, I say to myself, these guys are professional, they're motivated, they're happening, i.e they want something, huh? Now personally, I couldn't care less about your politics. Maybe you're pissed off at the camel jockeys, maybe it's the Hebes, Northern Ireland, it's none of my business. I figure you're here to negotiate, am I right?\\
'''Hans:''' [[SarcasmMode You're amazing. You figured this all out already?]]

--> '''Holly:''' ''Jesus!''
--> '''John:''' ''[deadpan]'' Hi honey.

-->'''[[DeadpanSnarker [=McClane=]]]:''' These are very bad for you. ''[[HypocriticalHumor (immediately puts one in his mouth and lights up)]]''

--> '''Sergeant Al Powell''': Excuse me, sir! But what about the body that fell out the window?
--> '''Dwayne T. Robinson''': Well, who knows? Probably some stockbroker, got depressed.

** Made even better by Powell giving him a look that screams, "Are you for real??"
** And later, when Hans is dropped off the building

* As Tony is taking his time to disable the phone lines electronically, Karl simply walks by, cuts through the lines instead [[CuttingTheKnot with a chainsaw]] and walks away smugly.

''(after finding no way out of parking garage, he parks his limo and sighs. He looks at his rear view mirror and sees the bear)''\\

''(after finding no way out of the underground parking lot, he parks his limo and sighs. He looks at his rear view mirror and sees the bear)''\\

-->''(talking to John on his cell, but the connection was cut off by the terrorists)''\\

''(after trying to find a way out, he parks his limo and sighs. He looks at his rear view mirror and sees the bear)''\\

'''Al:''' Well, what are we gonna do now, arrest them for not paying the electric bill?

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "[BondOneLiner Boom! Two points!]"\\

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "[BondOneLinerBoom! Two points!]"\\

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "[PostmortemOneLinerBoom! Two points!]"\\

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "[PostMortemOneLinerBoom! Two points!]"\\

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' [PostMortemOneLiner"Boom! Two points!"]\\

--> ''[walking into the building with Karl]'' "So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?" ''[Karl shoots and kills the guard with a shot to the head that is perfectly timed to Theo's speech pause]'' "Boom! Two points!"\\

* Every bit in all the movies when [=McClane=] talks to himself like a schizophrenic.