History Funny / Deadwood

--->'''Al:''' Yeah. Keep Dan in the dark.
--->'''Dan:''' (Trolling) Hey Johnny. What's new?
--->''(Johnny looks at his feet.)''

-->Merrick: "The vaccine will be distributed gratis."
-->Al: Free gratis.
-->Merrick: Free gratis is a redundancy.
-->EB: Does that mean 'repeats itself'?
-->Al: Then leave gratis out.
-->Merrick: What luck for me Al, that you have such a keen editorial sense. "Free. Distributed Free. Period."

--> Cramed: I 'pologize...
--> Jane: SHUT THE ''FUCK'' UP!

-->'''Al:''' (incredulous) You shit yourself?

-->'''Jimmy:''' (hand recoils from ground) Just got a splinter the size of my arm in my fucking palm. (Notices Al's angry expression). It's alright.

-->[Al walks off in disbelief]

-->'''Al''': No one will object to that here."

-->''without hesitation Al punches him in the jaw''

-->[Bullock fires a shot into Tolliver's ceiling]

-->[Bullock fires a second shot into Tolliver's ceiling]

-->'''Tolliver''': You've got their fucking attention.

* The Trial of Jack McCall is full of humor from Al's opinion of the trial.

--->'''Al:''' We'll be here till fucking Chrismas.

* The swatches scene with the flamboyant German tailor talking to the coldblooded killer Swearenengen. To say more would ruin it. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHiGW0UePT8]]

* Everyone trying to work out what to put in the paper about the small pox

* Calamity Jane encounters a man dying of the plague that will soon hit Deadwood, and though she tends to him she rapidly grows tired of the only thing he can say in his fever... over, and over, and over.
--> Man: I 'pologize...

-->'''Jimmy:''' (hand recoils from ground) Just got a splinter the size of my arm in my fucking palm. (notices Al's angry expression). Its alright.

-->[Bullock fires a shot into the Bella Union's ceiling]

-->[Bullock fires a second shot into the Bella Union's ceiling]

* Bullock fires a shot into the Bella Union's ceiling

* Bullock fires a second shot into the Bella Union's ceiling

* Bullock fires a shot into the ceiling

* Bullock fires a second shot into the ceiling

-->'''Bullock''': Beating, ''short'' of murder, might have done you considerable good.

** Particular highlights include Wu trying to explain to Swearengen that their opium courier got robbed... though pantomime, charcoal sketches, and repeated shouts of "White cocksuckas!" Swearengen replies [[SarcasmMode "I'm glad I taught you that fuckin' word."]] Johnny comments that it's the first time he's heard anyone but Al shouting "cocksucker" in Al's office that wasn't immediately followed by Al coming up and gesturing for Dan to bring his knife.

--->'''Dan:''' Hey Johnny. What's new?

* The swatches scene with the German tailor. To say more would ruin it.

* Swearengen tries desperately to get the Chinese pig farmer to explain who stole his opium. The only English the Chinaman knows is "Cocksucker!" The conversation radically goes off the rails.
* Calamity Jane encounters a man dying of the plague that will soon hit Deadwood, and rapidly grows tired of the only thing he can say.
--> Man: I 'pologize . . .

-->"God, he's always dragging that fucking leg."

* E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," if they're religiously inclined, as Richardson is doing a Pagan-like ritual with the antler Alma gave him.

-->'''Al''': You were told never to say that name.

* CrowningMomentOfFunny: Jack [=McCall=] haplessly trying to recreate an insult he was handed by Wild Bill to another poker player.

** Particular highlights include Wu trying to explain to Swearengen that their opium courier got robbed... though pantomime, charcoal sketches, and repeated shouts of "White cocksuckas!" Swearengen replies [[SarcasmMode "I'm so glad I taught you that fuckin' word."]] Johnny comments that it's the first time he's heard anyone but Al shouting "cocksucker" in Al's office that wasn't immediately followed by Al coming up and gesturing for Dan to bring his knife.
** "[[WhosOnFirst NOT WU, WHO,]] YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CHINK!"

-->[Al walks off in disbelief]

-->'''Jimmy:'' I'm just gonna roll forward. so I don't get trampled.

* "[[WhosOnFirst NOT WU, WHO,]] YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CHINK!"

** The swatches scene with the German tailor. To say more would ruin it.
** "Among humans, for grip, the China-woman's snatch has no peer. In all nature, the python is its only rival, though few have lived to tell the tale..."

* E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," if they're religiously inclined, as Pete is doing a Pagan-like ritual with the antler Alma gave him.

-->Merrick "Vaccinations will be distributed gratis"
-->Al "Free gratis"
-->Merrick "Free gratis would be a redundancy"
-->Al "Then just put free!"
-->Merrick "What a keen editorial judgement you have Al"

* "THE TIT-LICKER!"

** "[[WhosOnFirst NOT WU, WHO,]] YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CHINK!"
** The scene after Al "promotes" Johnny to being a Road Agent. Al's talking to Dan about it, when Johnny comes down the stairs.

* E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," if they're religiously inclined, as Pete is doing a Pagan-like ritual with the antler Alma gave him.

* E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," as Pete is doing a Pagan ritual with the antler Alma gave him.

* Jimmy the opium courier [[PottyFailure soiling himself]] after Al punches him.

* Al's near perfect impression of E.B.

** "NOT WU, WHO, YOU IGNORANT FUCKING CHINK!"

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