Funny: Dead Wood

  • Crowning Moment of Funny: Jack McCall haplessly trying to recreate an insult he was handed by Wild Bill to another poker player.
  • The scene after Al "promotes" Johnny to being a Road Agent. Al's talking to Dan about it, when Johnny comes down the stairs.
    Johnny: Hey, Al. Any reason I can't share with Dan what you told me about me taking over for Persimmon Phil? (Note that Dan is standing right there)
    Al: Yeah. Keep Dan in the dark.
    Dan: Hey Johnny. What's new?
    (Johnny looks at his feet.)
  • The swatches scene with the German tailor. To say more would ruin it.
  • "Among humans, for grip, the China-woman's snatch has no peer. In all nature, the python is its only rival, though few have lived to tell the tale..."
  • "I will profane your fucking remains, E.B... Gabriel's trumpet will produce you from the ass of a pig."
  • Al's near perfect impression of E.B.
  • Jimmy the opium courier soiling himself after Al punches him.
  • E.B. advising some new arrivals to "not look to your left as you egress," if they're religiously inclined, as Richardson is doing a Pagan-like ritual with the antler Alma gave him.
  • Everyone trying to work out what to put in the paper about the small pox
    Merrick: "The vaccine will be distributed gratis."
    Al: Free gratis.
    Merrick: Free gratis is a redundancy.
    EB: Does that mean 'repeats itself'?
    Al: Then leave gratis out.
    Merrick: What luck for me Al, that you have such a keen editorial sense. "Free. Distributed Free. Period."
  • Swearengen tries desperately to get the Chinese pig farmer to explain who stole his opium. The only English the Chinaman knows is "Cocksucker!" The conversation radically goes off the rails.
  • Calamity Jane encounters a man dying of the plague that will soon hit Deadwood, and rapidly grows tired of the only thing he can say.
    Man: I 'pologize . . .
    • From that same scene, her yelling "ARE YOU DEAD?" at him.