History Funny / Deadpool2016

'''Deadpool:''' This mansion is just so big, it's weird I only ever see two of you. [[LampshadeHanging It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man]].

-->[farts] Hashtag Drive-by

--->'''Deadpool:''' All the dinosaurs feared the ''[[TyrannosaurusRex T. rex]]''!

* Deadpool getting frustrated with Colossus and throwing everything he's got into a punch to the metallic ruskie's face...which absolutely ''obliterates'' his hand, turning it into a floppy, mangled mess. Does this stop Deadpool? Hell no. It's not until after he's after broken '''both'' of his arms/hands ''and'' one of his legs that Colossus finally cuffs him and begins dragging Deadpool's twisted heap of body back to the X-Jet, (naturally) arguing the whole way, and Deadpool ends up cutting off his own hand, which is left FlippingTheBird.

* Deadpool getting frustrated with Colossus and throwing everything he's got into a punch to the metallic ruskie's face... which absolutely ''obliterates'' his hand, turning it into a floppy, mangled mess. Does this stop him? Hell no. Only after he's gone and broken ''both arms, both hands, '''and''' one of his legs'' does Colossus effortlessly handcuff and begin to drag 'Pool's twisted heap of body back to the X-Jet, (naturally) arguing the whole way, and Deadpool ends up cutting off his own hand, which is left FlippingTheBird.

*** Made even funnier when the [[Film/Deadpool2 sequel]] ''does'' show other, more famous (and expensive) X-Men, such as Professor X, Storm, and Beast... for a five-second cameo.

** He first has a lot of trouble with his costume, starting out with an all-white outfit that is quickly ruined when a bad guy unloads a clip into him. The camera cuts to him at a laundromat trying to use a stain remover pen on a now-red shirt. From across the laundromat, a woman tells him her own formula for removing bloodstains (seltzer water and lemon) - and recommending that dumbasses who bleed on their clothes regularly should [[BringMyRedJacket wear red]]. The humor comes from the fact that we meet this woman later in the film -- she's Al and she is completely blind. When he makes a mask but no one can understand him, Al says he sounds like he has a dick in his mouth.
** And he's trying to get out all the bloodstains out with a Tide detergent pen. Which is used only for smaller stains. And he's got several exhausted pens on the table in front of him, implying that he's been at that for quite some time.

** One of Deadpool's targets in his search for Ajax drags his bleeding self across an ice rink, while Deadpool gives chase on a Zamboni. ''Especially'' because the film uses camera trickery such as DepthDeception to make it look like Wade is moments from running him over... when he's [[http://www.imcdb.org/i901415.jpg actually]] ''[[OverlyLongGag half the length of the rink away]]''!

** Wade is shown conflicted after beating up a woman. He sounds upset and confused if [[WouldHitAGirl it's sexist to hit her]] or if [[WouldntHitAGirl it's more sexist to not hit her]]... all while producing a gun, to presumably kill her.

* "You have something in your teeth." Watch Ajax's expression; he silently scoffs it off, then his expression changes as he realizes [[FeelNoPain the fact that he can't feel anything]] means [[BlessedWithSuck he has no idea if Wade's serious or not]]. As Wade keeps rambling, he walks over to a nearby mirror and bares his teeth... and cue Wade's "Made you look."

-->'''Weasel:''' Wade, I'd go with you, but... [[DirtyCoward I don't wanna.]]

* As Deadpool, Colossus and Negasonic PowerWalk toward the battlefield, Negasonic realizes Deadpool forgot his bag of guns in the taxi.

* When Deadpool keeps count of the strict ammunition budget he has in the beginning (he forgot his ammo bag) he shoots one dead mook two more times as revenge for shooting him in the butt.

** Blink and you'll miss it, but even ''[[KnightOfCerebus Francis'' -- who's aware it's the only thing keeping him from getting shot -- rolls his eyes at the speech. You could even interpret his "seriously?" look at Wade as if he's asking the latter to just shoot him already. Even funnier, Deadpool nods in response, like saying "yeah, don't worry, I'm cutting this shit short real quick."]]

* Vanessa performing a ''vicious'' GroinAttack on the "Fat Gandalf" who gets too fresh with her, with Wade telling her to "[[Disney/TheLionKing hakuna his tatas]]."

** And, of course, there's the Fridge Funny implication that it's taking Wade so long to track down Francis because he only ever asks for him by that name. It's very likely that a lot of the people he interrogates ''don't know'' their boss's real name is "Francis" and not "Ajax", so have no idea who he's asking them about!

[[AC:Wade Wilson[=/=]SelfDemonstrating/{{Deadpool}}]]

* During the final fight between Deadpool and Francis, Deadpool gets a dagger jammed in his brain and is being beaten repeatedly in the face by Francis, but then Vanessa, who's escaped from the pod, [[BigDamnHeroes charges into the frame and impales Francis]] on one of Deadpool's katanas. Francis is out for the moment, a disoriented Deadpool falls over, and Vanessa is lying on the ground, in pain from being in the decompression pod. The footage goes into slow motion and Chicago's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idCil0mNhoo "You're The Inspiration"]] starts playing, as Deadpool and Vanessa look at each other. Deadpool makes a little "Hi honey!" wave at her. Vanessa looks fondly back at him, as a [[CirclingBirdies a cute little cartoon unicorn walks shyly into the frame and nuzzles her]]. Cut to Deadpool making an inept attempt at a heart-shape with his fingers. Cut to Vanessa surrounded by tiny cartoon animals[[note]]apart from the unicorn there are rabbits, birds, and a little heart with arms, feet and large eyes[[/note]] with an increasingly incredulous look on her face. Cut to Deadpool, who makes a dick-in-vagina gesture. Cut to impatient-looking Vanessa who shouts (her voice slowed down) ''"Aaaaaaassssshooooooole!"'' because he's just lying there being cute at her when the BigBad could kill them at any moment.

* The PostCreditsScene; a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aYp-pJO9FA spoof]] of the post-credits scene from ''Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff'' complete with Deadpool mocking the viewer for expecting there to be a teaser for the sequel, or even a Creator/SamuelLJackson [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse cameo]] ("[[ExecutiveMeddling Well, we don't have that kind of money.]]"). He then comes back with Deadpool revealing that Cable will be in the sequel ("Just need a big guy with a flat top. Creator/MelGibson, Creator/DolphLundgren, Creator/KeiraKnightley. She's got range, who knows."), and asking the viewers not to tell anyone.[[note]]Sorry, Wade![[/note]] He also asks everyone watching to pick up their garbage. Chicka-chicka.]]

-->"Agh! ''Right up Main Street!!"

-->"Ugh, right up Main Street."

* In the opening of the film, we see Deadpool holding one of his client's stalkers at gunpoint and asking him ridiculous questions.
-->'''Deadpool''': I will shoot your fucking cat!
-->'''Jeremy''': I-I-I don't know what that means. I don't own a cat.
-->'''Deadpool''': Then whose kitty litter did I just shit in?

-->'''Deadpool''': ''[puts a red-hot car cigarette lighter onto henchman's forehead, then shoves it into the henchman's mouth]'' I've never said this, but don't swallow.

-->'''Deadpool''': Shut up, before I shoot you and your fucking cat!
-->'''Jeremy''': I don't have a cat!

-->'''Stalker''': I don't own a cat!

* The cutaway scene showing Deadpool singing along to Salt-N-Pepa while drawing his suspect on a piece of paper in crayon. ''(while singing along to Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa, he notices the camera)'' What–oh! Oh hello. I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Polverine." And let me tell you, ''(In an Australian accent)'' he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under. Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix, and–oh! Bad guys to kill!

* The cutaway scene showing Deadpool singing along to Salt-N-Pepa while drawing his suspect on a piece of paper in crayon. ''[[while singing along to Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa, he notices the camera]'' What–oh! Oh hello. I know, right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie? I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with "Polverine." And let me tell you, ''[In an Australian accent]'' he's got a nice pair of smooth criminals down under. Anyway, I got places to be, a face to fix, and–oh! Bad guys to kill!

* The outtakes have plenty, many listed above. For instance, when Wade uses a nickname on Angel Dust before she punches him, he uses names such as Creator/HenryWinkler, Busta Rhymes, Nikki Sixx, Series/CrissAngelMindfreak, �christianmingle.com�, along with an imitation ([[Film/TheGoonies �Hey you guys!�]]). After the one in the film ("less angry Rosie O'Donnell") Ryan Reynolds cracks up and says "Sorry, Gina" before Mrs. Carano replies "Motherfucker".

* As Deadpool carves his way through the mooks in the final battle, he suddenly stops, and gleefully says hello to [[MythologyGag Bob]], knocks him out cold with a headbutt rather than killing him, and ''then'' asks how he and the kids are doing.[[note]][[DontExplainTheJoke A reference to Deadpool's friend Bob, Agent of HYDRA]], who ''[[WritingAroundTrademarks technically]]'' [[http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Marvel-Character-Deadpool-Legally-Wasn-t-Able-Use-Did-Anyway-112417.html can't appear in the movie because the film rights for HYDRA are owned by Marvel.]][[/note]]

* The PostCreditsScene; a [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aYp-pJO9FA spoof of the post-credits scene from ''Film/FerrisBuellersDayOff'' complete with Deadpool mocking the viewer for expecting there to be a teaser for the sequel, or even a Creator/SamuelLJackson [[Franchise/MarvelCinematicUniverse cameo]] ("[[ExecutiveMeddling Well, we don't have that kind of money.]]"). He then comes back with Deadpool revealing that Cable will be in the sequel ("Just need a big guy with a flat top. Creator/MelGibson, Creator/DolphLundgren, Creator/KeiraKnightley. She's got range, who knows."), and asking the viewers not to tell anyone.[[note]]Sorry, Wade![[/note]] He also asks everyone watching to pick up their garbage. Chicka-chicka.]]

Deadpool is probably the best known example of HeroicComedicSociopath in the comics, and that aspect gloriously translated to the big screen.
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