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** Marty's pained expression when he pretends to like his girlfriend's tap water.
** Larry is in an on-going feud with an unknown person who wrote "WASH ME" on his car. The feud escalates to the guy drawing a ''penis'' on his car.
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** Larry walks into a department store and a perfume clerk quickly approaches him and sprays him in the face.
--> '''Clerk''': "Enigma"?\\
'''Larry''': What the fuck?! ''(pushes her down)''
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* Larry making a musical about the Ayatollah, not funny. The Ayatollah issuing a Fatwa calling for Larry's death, also not funny. Larry's response, [[CrossesTheLineTwice actually funny.]]

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* ** Larry making a musical about the Ayatollah, not funny. The Ayatollah issuing a Fatwa calling for Larry's death, also not funny. Larry's response, [[CrossesTheLineTwice actually funny.]]
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* "Thank You for Your Service": Susie on Larry's case for his greeting to Victor, a military vet: "You didn't thank him for his service, asshole!"
--> '''Susie''': Now you've ruined everything, Larry. I'm making all this delicious salmon, and the whole night is ruined.\\
'''Larry''': Are you sauteing that?\\
'''Susie''': Yes.\\
'''Larry''': Would you mind broiling mine? ''(Susie frowns)'' That a face?\\
'''Susie''': Get the fuck out.
** Larry and the waiter comparing the "faces" the cook made. So stupid but so funny.
** Larry dates a postal carrier, and their first date is a disaster. He wants to go back to the way it was before they started dating. At the end of the episode, Larry is walking along the street and she drives by in her mail truck: "Hey asshole, here's your mail!" and throws it at him. Leon comes outside and sees Larry knocked down by the mail throw and says, "Welcome home, soldier. Thank you for your service." [[labelnote:Note]](Larry was still wearing the Revolutionary War reenactment clothing from earlier)[[/labelnote]]
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* "Running with the Bulls": Marty Funkhouser mentions that his daughter is transitioning to a man.
--> '''Larry''': When does she get the penis?\\
'''Marty''': He's talking about it. It takes time to decide.\\
'''Larry''': Well, if he gets the penis, do they throw in the balls?\\
'''Marty''': …
** Leon claiming that his dick is so long that it hangs in the water when he sits on the toilet.
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* "The Disturbance in the Kitchen": Larry warned Ted that the horn in his new Tesla will get him in trouble. Sure enough, when Ted pulls up behind a car that didn't go at a green light, he honked at the guy, but wasn't used to the horn and honked longer than he should have. The guy proceeded to leave his car and kick Ted's ass.
** Larry goes to court to fight a ticket for honking at a cop. He compares himself to Rosa Parks or Jackie Robinson- that is, a pioneer, since nobody else has honked at this particular cop. The judge sarcastically asks, "Anyone else you're in the mold of? Maybe a Martin Luther King or a Malcolm X?"
--> '''Cop''': Harriet Tubman?\\
'''Larry''': Yes, Harriet Tubman. Although I'm not quite sure what she did, I have a feeling she was in the pioneer family.
** He also offers the judge a cough drop. He reluctantly takes it: "Thank you for your warm pocket candy."
** At one point, the judge is looking down at some papers while Larry's still talking. Larry says, "Yoo-hoo?" The judge tells Larry he can't "yoo-hoo" a judge and the citation stands.
** Larry and Susie butting heads over whether the teenage girl she took in is a good dancer.
** Creator/ElizabethBanks (Larry's latest girlfriend) doing a ''horrible'' acting job to the same cop from earlier after Larry accidentally vandalizes his squad car.

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** Larry's [[{{Troll}} text]] to Richard Lewis about his dead parakeet: "Sorry about your bird. The good news is I'm still alive."



* Also from Pickle Gambit, Larry finally gets the Fatwa removed. Unfortunately, in true Curb fashion, something happens that fucks it up. In this case, it was [[spoiler:the stripper being chased around by Swat and Leon, who was hired to help Funkhouser's nephew calm down. Thanks to them, the Fatwa stayed.]]

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* Also from Pickle Gambit, ** Also, Larry finally gets the Fatwa removed. Unfortunately, in true Curb ''Curb'' fashion, something happens that fucks it up. In this case, it was [[spoiler:the stripper being chased around by Swat and Leon, who was hired to help Funkhouser's nephew calm down. Thanks to them, the Fatwa stayed.]]]]
--> '''Leon''': Not her, not her! [[ItMakesSenseInContext Just get rid of the Muslims!]]
** Larry's increasing aggravation with Leon and Swat when they keep interrupting his phone call by asking about towels.
** Larry tries to ask Mary Steenburgen out, since Ted is now dating Cheryl. She turns him down, saying he's not her type.
--> '''Larry''': Well, we're both people. We're Earthlings, we breathe, we eat, so we have, we have that in common.\\
'''Mary''': Yeah, we have that in common with pretty much everybody.

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* "Mister Softee": Larry's date having an orgasm from the rattling car seat while Larry rambles obliviously about nuts.
** Later in that episode, Susie ends up on the same seat...
* Leon, from the last episode of season 8: "Michael J. Fox bout to be Michael J. fucked up in a minute."

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* "Mister Softee": Larry's date having an orgasm from the rattling car seat while Larry rambles obliviously about nuts.
**
nuts. Later in that episode, Susie ends up on the same seat...
seat. Larry's queasy reactions and disgusted moans while she's having an orgasm are hilarious.
** All the un-called for insults hurled at Bill Buckner, who responds congenially.
--> '''Man''': Hey Buckner, you suck!\\
'''Bill''': Have a nice day, fellas.\\
'''(…)'''\\
'''Man 2''': Fuck you, Buckner!
* "Larry vs. Michael J. Fox": Leon, from on the last episode of season 8: "Michael loud clomping Fox is doing upstairs, keeping him and Larry up at night:
--> '''Leon''': Michael
J. Fox bout to be Michael J. fucked up in a minute."



-->'''Larry''': Did you shake up that soda on purpose?!
-->'''Michael''': ...Parkinson's.

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-->'''Larry''': Did you shake up that soda on purpose?!
-->'''Michael''': ...Parkinson's.
purpose?!\\
'''Michael''': ...Parkinson's.
** In the same scene, Larry's complaint about not talking during his girlfriend's lounge piano performance somehow gets into a rhetorical about not talking during one of Michael J. Fox's movies.
--> '''Michael''': Where are you gonna see one of my movies? It was like 1985 last time I was in a movie.\\
'''Larry''': Okay, if I saw one of your movies in 1985, you wouldn't like it if I was talking.\\
'''Michael''': This is getting into time travel. This is getting weird.
** A scene later, when telling the soda shaking incident to Leon:
--> '''Leon''': Thank God he didn't hand you his dick. He could've been shaking and shook that dick up, handed you the dick, and the dick shot sperm in your face.\\
'''Larry''': Yeah, but why would he hand me a dick?\\
'''Leon''': I mean as an example.\\
'''Larry''': What kind of example is that?\\
'''Leon''': I'm just comparing it to other things you can shake up, right? With Parkinson's, right?\\
'''Larry''': You just live in a total dick world, don't you?
** The scene where Larry gets on an elevator with a guy in a hurry and accidentally presses the wrong floor button, so he presses a second button. Naturally, an argument occurs and the scene ends with the guy defiantly pressing ''every'' floor button from 33-44.
** The effeminate boy's mannerisms.
** This bit, after one of Susie's outbursts:
--> '''Larry''': You know what people say when you guys leave the room?\\
'''Jeff''': What do they say?\\
'''Larry''': "Poor bastard."\\
'''Jeff''': Oh jeez...\\
'''Susie''': ''(off-screen)'' You can leave now, Larry. Get the fuck out!

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* "The Table Read": [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o5m_mXadoU Marty Funkhouser's joke.]]

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* "The Table Read": [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o5m_mXadoU Marty Funkhouser's joke.]]]] Also funny is how Larry impatiently wants him to get the joke over with, upset at him for crashing the table read.
--> '''Marty''': A woman is very afraid of the size of her opening. (…) So she goes to her mother. She says, "What am I going to do? I'm so big down there. When I marry Harry, he's going to divorce me." Her mother says, "Don't worry, sweetheart, it runs in the family. Do what I did when I married your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there. He'll never know the difference." (…) So she does. They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at ten. He's gone, but there's a note on her pillow. It says, "My darling Harriet, to think that I waited a year to consummate our relationship makes my heart beat so loudly I'm surprised it didn't wake you up. The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence. We'll have dogs and children. (…) When the 5:00 dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossamer of love in your arms. Your loving husband, Harry. (…) P.S., your cunt is in the sink."
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** Jeff in a neckbrace: "[[BrickJoke Larry, you have to tell Susie I was in a car accident!]]"

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** Jeff in a neckbrace: "[[BrickJoke Larry, you have to tell Susie I was in a car accident!]]"accident!]]" [[labelnote:Note]](earlier, Larry had made the argument that there are only two ways to hurt your neck: Be in a car accident, or giving cunnilingus)[[/labelnote]]
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* "The Smiley Face": Antoionette's mom offers to take her place at work while she grieves the loss of her father.
--> '''Larry''': You're shitting me.\\
'''Mom''': Not shitting.\\
'''Larry''': No shit?\\
'''Mom''': No shit.
** The RunningGag in the episode is how people's voices go up when they're lying. At the end, Larry continues to go to a restaurant where he and a waitress broke up. His food tastes funny:
--> '''Larry''': Did you put something in the food?\\
'''Heidi''': ''(voice goes high)'' No!
* "Vow of Silence": Larry asks a vet's wife how much a vet makes compared to a human doctor. She's offended and says it's a personal question; Larry retorts by saying she can ask him anything she wants.
--> '''Wife''': Okay, when is the last time you jacked off?\\
'''Larry''': Mmm. This morning.\\
'''Wife''': I should go.
** Larry gets into an argument with Richard about confirming lunch plans. This results in a great BrickJoke at the end of the episode when Larry flies to New York, and Richard is sitting in the restaurant waiting for him, mouthing obscenities to himself.
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** The argument about comparing breasts to balls.
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* "The Safe House": The opening, where Larry wants at some ice cream but a sobbing woman and someone consoling her are blocking his bath to the freezer and refuse to move. After many attempts, he walks away, seemingly given up... and then his arm is seen reaching for it inside the freezer behind them. He also accidentally knocks over some ice cream in the process.
** Richard Lewis's latest girlfriend is a burlesque dancer with big breasts. Marty gets off a great quip:
--> '''Marty''': Have you set a date aside when you're going to finally look at her face? ''(Jeff laughs)''
** Marty, Jeff, Larry, and Leon go to see his girlfriend do her burlesque show (which involves her taking off her top), but don't tell Richard. On their way out of the parking lot, Richard drives in and notices them leaving. Their shocked reactions are priceless.
** Larry mentions to Richard's girlfriend that during her set, he noticed a mole underneath one of her breasts and recommend she get it checked out. It comes back negative, but she wants breast reduction surgery anyway, because they hurt her back. The way Richard expresses his outrage is hilarious:
--> '''Richard''': You're responsible for this. You looked at her mole with a goddamn telescope like Galileo jerking off from 40 feet away.
** Larry gets in an argument with Leon, and tries to end it by saying "We could talk till we're blue in the face. I don't mean that as a racial thing either." This starts an entirely new argument:
--> '''Leon''': Would I ever turn fucking blue?\\
'''Larry''': It's an expression.\\
'''Leon''': Who turns fuckin' blue?\\
'''Larry''': You say that to white people too. You can't turn blue?\\
'''Leon''': Hell no, I can't turn blue!
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* "The Divorce": The restaurant manager who is schooled by a lawyer, Hiriam Katz, when he hassles Larry for giving Jeff some of his buffet items:
--> '''Hiriam''': First of all, in your implied contract with this man, there is nothing that allows you to restrict what he does with your product after he purchases it, so he can do whatever wants with the food. And secondly, if you suspect that he's stealing another buffet from you, you'd have to be able to establish prior intent. Now can you prove prior intent? I didn't think so. So in the absence of that, I'm afraid there's really nothing you can do except probably apologize to these people and maybe buy them a round of drinks.
** Larry aghast that Leon has had sex with two women in his bed.
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* "Seinfeld": Jerry's feud with Mocha Joe, who asked Larry for a favor which he didn't deliver on.
--> '''Larry''': Whatever happened to "E" for effort? "E" for effort! You people think about that. "E" for effort!\\
'''Joe''': "F" for favor!\\
'''Jerry''': "C" for coffee.
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** Larry's line to the doctor, which freaks him out because he doesn't understand the [[ItMakesSenseInContext context]]:
--> '''Doctor''': Do you have any idea how you may have gotten this rash?\\
'''Larry''': The only thing I can think of is, I've been seeing this nine-year-old girl and she kind of has a rash on her pussy. Um you know, I took her to lunch the other day and we had a fight and we made up and we hugged, so it must, it's got to be her. ''(phone rings)'' One second. Yeah, that's her now. ''(answers)'' Yeah. ''(to doc)'' She's so cute. We text all the time. For a while we weren't, but we're back on now, so-\\
'''Doctor''': We'll get you taken care of. I have another patient to check on. I'll be right back.\\
'''Larry''': Okay, all right. ''(to phone)'' Don't tell your mother, but I bought you another pen.\\
'''Doctor''': ''(to receptionist)'' Call the police.
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--> '''Ted''': Take your $150 and go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you? ''(shuts door)''

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--> '''Ted''': Take your $150 and go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you? [[labelnote:Note]](a reference to Larry in shorts because he has just come from working out)[[/labelnote]] ''(shuts door)''
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** Larry's walking down the street and a woman tells him, "Smile!" He tells her, "Hey, mind your own business. How about that?"
** Larry defends his interrupting Sammi's song to Ted and Mary by saying he hates the sound of the human voice. Jeff cracks up at such a lame excuse: "You can't stand the sound of the human voice?! What are you talking about?!"
** When Larry interrupts the opera singer in the restaurant, the last lyric out of the singer's mouth before Larry cuts him off is "Moo..."
** When Larry is running door to door begging his friends if he can sleep over to avoid the woman's jealous boyfriend, Ted turns him away:
--> '''Ted''': Take your $150 and go buy yourself some fucking pants, will you? ''(shuts door)''
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* In "The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial", after Larry screws up Sammi's college prospects:

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* In "The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial", after Larry screws up Sammi's college school prospects:
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** The last words from Auntie Rae when she and the family (save Leon) leave for good [[labelnote]](note:Loretta thought she had caught Larry receiving oral sex from another woman)[[/labelnote]]:

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** The last words from Auntie Rae when she and the family (save Leon) leave for good [[labelnote]](note:Loretta [[labelnote:Note]](Loretta thought she had caught Larry receiving oral sex from another woman)[[/labelnote]]:

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* The last words from Auntie Rae when she and the family (save Leon) leave for good in "Vehicular Fellatio":

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* "Vehicular Fellatio": Larry backing away when Richard Lewis's latest girlfriend leans in for a goodbye kiss on the cheek.[[labelnote:Note]](Larry had heard from Jeff earlier that Richard received oral sex in the car from her before they got there)[[/labelnote]]
** Leon justifying having sex with a married woman: "Ass is ass."
**
The last words from Auntie Rae when she and the family (save Leon) leave for good in "Vehicular Fellatio":[[labelnote]](note:Loretta thought she had caught Larry receiving oral sex from another woman)[[/labelnote]]:
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[[caption-width-right:350:''[[ItMakesSenseInContext "He's got three penises!"]]'']]

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[[caption-width-right:350:''[[ItMakesSenseInContext "He's got "It's three penises!"]]'']]
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** The outtakes reel is particularly good, as it shows just how ''easily'' it is for the actors to crack each other up while doing this. In one instance, Bob Einstein (Marty) opens his eyes wider during the stare down, prompting Larry to giggle and say how unfair it is to do that.
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** Larry notices that the server at Ted's party is wearing a bowtie. He gets it out of him that Ted specifically requested that the staff wear bowties and confronts Ted about it. Ted refuses to change the dress code.
--> '''Larry''': I feel like a jerk 'cause I kind of promised him.\\
'''Ted''': Well, too bad. Go back and say you failed.

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** Larry repeatedly trying to get rid of a floppy $50 bill that Marty gave him. Nobody wants it because of how gross it looks. When he tries to use it at a florist, they simply tell him, [[NoJustNoReaction "No."]]



* "The [=TiVo=] Guy": Larry's got "long balls".
* "The N Word": Auntie Ray shouting "FUCK you, Larry David, with your monkey ass!" and giving him the finger.
** Larry's dating a doctor whose home life is ''incredibly'' similar to being in a doctor's office. When he gets there for a date, the doctor's sister tells him to have a seat and that she'll be right down, and sits at a desk on a computer.
** Larry has to make a deposition at the hospital to corroborate why Jeff lost his hair, which would involve saying that he drove a black doctor to anger because he overheard Larry using the n-word. Larry notices one of the judges who comes in late is black, and then notices a couple black audience members. He doesn't finish his deposition- he just shakes his head in fear while everyone shouts for him to finish.
--> '''Judge''': Tell us NOW, Mr. David!



-->You know, I've known Sammie since she was born, actually. I was in the hospital, remember? I was in the hospital that day and I saw her when she was, like, five minutes old. It was not a pretty sight for me. It was the first time I ever saw one of those things, you know. Um, anyway, what I really want to talk about tonight is that there's a guest here spreading a vicious, nasty, scurrilous rumor about me and a gerbil. Okay? I'm sure you've heard it. And there's not a word of truth to it, okay? He has a personal vendetta, so don't believe one word of that. It's not true. However, in the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that, um, I do have a tickle in my anus.

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-->You --> '''Larry''': You know, I've known Sammie since she was born, actually. I was in the hospital, remember? I was in the hospital that day and I saw her when she was, like, five minutes old. It was not a pretty sight for me. It was the first time I ever saw one of those things, you know. Um, anyway, what I really want to talk about tonight is that there's a guest here spreading a vicious, nasty, scurrilous rumor about me and a gerbil. Okay? I'm sure you've heard it. And there's not a word of truth to it, okay? He has a personal vendetta, so don't believe one word of that. It's not true. However, in the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that, um, I do have a tickle in my anus.

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** Susie and Leon's first meeting:
--> '''Leon''': I tell you one thing: I like a woman with a smart-ass mouth like that.\\
'''Susie''': Yeah, well fuck you too!\\
'''Leon''': ''(turned on)'' Mmm.



** Susie and Leon's first meeting:
--> '''Leon''': I tell you one thing: I like a woman with a smart-ass mouth like that.\\
'''Susie''': Yeah, well fuck you too!\\
'''Leon''': ''(turned on)'' Mmm.


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** Leon telling Larry to "get up in that ass" the next time someone insults him.
--> '''Leon''': You pull their asshole open, step into their asshole, close the door behind you, pick up your spray-paint can, write "Larry was here." You spray-paint "Larry was here," "Wash me," all that kind of shit, fuck his whole asshole up, eat some Snickers bar, throw some paper on the floor, read a newspaper, ball the paper up, the newspaper, and throw the newspaper on the floor, fuck his whole asshole up, you know what I'm saying? Then you open that asshole one more time open it again, open that asshole again- unh! Step out of his ass and leave that motherfucker wide open, so he knows you've been there.
** Bert's dad, the barber, repeatedly slapping Larry with a towel after Larry makes a derisive comment about Barbara's miscarriage.
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** When Larry first introduces himself to the Black family, he finds it interesting that their last name is Black and they happen to be black, saying it'd be like if he was named "Larry Jew". Cue uncomfortable silence.
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** A few scenes later, Jeff unknowingly brings same cake to a big party, freaking out the Black kids. A scene later, Larry is shown eating it alone.
--> '''Cheryl''': ''(in bed)'' Where were you?\\
'''Larry''': [[ItMakesSenseInContext Eatin' some penis.]]
** At Marty's party, they play a couples game and one of the questions is "if you could have sex with somebody besides you spouse, who would it be". Jeff and Marty both say they couldn't go through with it and would stay faithful, but Larry picks Cha-cha, Richard's latest girlfriend. Everyone admonishes him for it, prompting Larry to protest that they're not playing by the rules, peppering in a few "fuck you"s.
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* "The Hot Towel": Larry, who's sleeping over at Susie and Jeff's house, shouts to a singing Sammi: "Shut the fuck up!" Understandably, she starts crying. Moments later, Susie comes in:
--> '''Susie''': OUT! OUT! Get the hell out of my house! You ingrate! You hurt Sammi one more time, Larry! You squashed the spirit of a talented young girl! You piece of shit! You heartless piece of shit! OUT!

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** Also funny in that scene: Jeff tries to help Larry make his case for switching sandwiches but Larry tells him, [[StopHelpingMe "Shut the fuck up."]]



* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfHqv8YAA9w&feature=related The big vagina.]]
* From "Ski Lift" Larry's response to the Jewish women telling him he has to jump off the broken down ski lift because she can't be with him after sundown is a stare and "What are you fuckin nuts?"

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* "Kamikaze Bingo": Larry's dad watching porn with the sound turned ''way'' up because he has trouble hearing. Larry can hear it all the way in the ''lobby'' of the senior's home.
--> '''Larry''': ''(turns it off)'' We can't watch porno together. I don't think we don't have that kind of relationship yet.
* "The Ski Lift":
[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfHqv8YAA9w&feature=related The big vagina.]]
* From "Ski Lift" ** Larry's response to the Jewish women telling him he has to jump off the broken down ski lift because she can't be with him after sundown is a stare and "What are you fuckin nuts?"

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