History Funny / ClerksII

* The full version of Randal and Dante's "jerking off in the Mooby's bathroom" conversation in the deleted scenes (culminating in a [[CrossesTheLineTwice twistedly hilarious]] IncestIsRelative speculation.)

* Randall [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAEo3CWeq8 acting out]] the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' movies, especially the little shrug he does at the end.

** The entire ''Literature/LordOfTheRings'' vs. ''Franchise/StarWars'' debate between Randal and Elias and a ''Lord of the Rings'' fanboy customer. Randal actually makes fun of the ''Rings'' so cruelly that the customer throws up.

-->'''Jay:''' GRANDMA! ''*climbs through drive-thru window*'' WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE ON THAT HOLIDAY SITE?!

'''Elias:''' [[CrossesTheLineTwice Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger]]?

-->'''Randal:''' Terrorists?
-->''Dante shoots him a look.''
-->'''Randal:''' I left the coffee pot on again, didn't I?
-->''Dante just nods slowly.''
-->'''Randal''': Shit! Now where am I supposed to bring chicks to fuck when my mom's home?

-->'''Randal''' (to Dante): You're my best friend, and I love you... [[HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday in a totally heterosexual way]].
-->'''Jay''': Yeah right.
* And, of course, the infamous RefugeInAudacity scenes - the "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWdVwt2deY4 Porch Monkey]]" bit, alongside the "[[InsistentTerminology Interspecies Erotica]]" scene.

-->'''Randal''': Uh... due to some nomenclature confusion... there's not going to be any chick.
-->'''Jay''': Well, then who the fuck's gonna blow the donkey?
-->(pause, then cue MassOhCrap)

--->'''Black woman:''' I'm not eating something that was cooked by some cracker-ass hatemonger!
--->'''Black man:''' ''I'' will! Baby, you can't taste racism!

---> '''Randal''': Since when was it a crime to say "porch monkeys"?
---> '''Becky''': Oh, I don't know, since forever?!
---> '''Randal''': Why?
---> '''Dante''': Because porch monkey is a racial slur against black people!
---> '''Randal''': No, it's not! [[DiggingYourselfDeeper Nigger is]]!
---> '''Dante''': ''(understandably offended)'': RANDAL!!
---> '''Elias''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice Did Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger]]?
---> '''Becky''': Shut up, Elias!

--->'''Dante''': ''[[{{Understatement}} Ya think?!]]''

-->'''Elias:''' ''*pulls out deep-fryer basket; it's covered in burnt to a crisp fries*'' [[{{Understatement}} I don't think these look right!]]
-->'''Randal:''' JESUS! Step away from the fryer before you burn us all alive!

-->'''Jay:''' Wow, thanks Picklefucker!
-->'''Randal:''' How'd you know we call this guy "Picklefucker?"
-->'''Jay:''' (''confused'') [[HowDidYouKnowIDidnt You do?]]

* The full version of Randal and Dante's "jerking off in the Mooby's bathroom" conversation in the deleted scenes (culminating in a [[CrossesTheLineTwice twistedly hilarious]] IncestIsRelative speculation.)

---> '''Randal''': No, it's not! Nigger is!

-->'''Randal''' (to Dante): You're my best friend, and I love you... [[HaveIMentionedImHeterosexualToday in a totally heterosexual way]].

-->'''Randal''' (to Dante): You're my best friend, and I love you...in a totally heterosexual way.

-->'''Dante''': ''[[{{Understatement}} Ya think?!]]"

-->'''Dante''': ''[[Understatement Ya think?!]]"

-->'''Dante''': ''[Understatement Ya think?!]]"

** Wanda Sykes and Earthquake's [[HarpoDoesSomethingFunny entirely adlibbed]] exchanges as the husband and wife during the "Porch Monkey" bit, where they discuss the meaning of "cock stain," whether or not it's something they'd like to try and why there aren't Mexicans working behind the counted.

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YaX2jLc_ko The Pillow Pants scene]]. When ''[[DeadpanSnarker Randall]]'' suffers from SarcasmFailure, you've successfully crossed a line.

*** It's funnier because it sounds from Elias' tone of voice that he's pretty much resigned to this type of stuff by now.

*** The two other Hispanic patrons who simply exchange a look while they're arguing and decide it's probably not worth eating here right now.

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YaX2jLc_ko The Pillow Pants scene]]. That is all.

** When Dante goes out back with Randall to tell the situation regarding Becky's pregnancy, Jay and Silent Bob are out back taking a piss. When Randall goes out, he accidentally slams the door open on Jay knocking him down. When Becky follows them outside she hits Jay, too, causing Jay to understandably yell "WHAT THE FUCK?!"

*** The two other black patrons who simply exchange a look while they're arguing and decide it's probably not worth eating here right now.

** The "Porch Monkey" bit gets even funnier upon learning that the majority of Wanda Sykes and Earthquake's dialogue was a case of HarpoDoesSomethingFunny.

** This exchange during said scene:

* Randall [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxAEo3CWeq8 acting out]] the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' movies.

-->'''Randal''': Shit! Now where am I supposed to bring chicks to fuck when my mom's not home?

* The full version of Randal and Dante's "jerking off in the Mooby's bathroom" conversation (culminating in a [[CrossesTheLineTwice twistedly hilarious]] IncestIsRelative speculation.

** In the aftermath, an exasperated Dante is {{Tempting Fate}} by asking: "How the ''fuck'' could this day get any worse?" (Cue Kinky Kelly and the Sexy Stud arriving at the parking lot).

** Also funny is that it's a fairly obscure slur- if you hadn't seen this movie, and you heard someone call you a "porch monkey", you'd likely think that's a bizarre insult.

** Another one from the commentary: Kevin Smith was talking about the different actresses he considered casting as Becky, which included Sarah Silverman, who allegedly said "Let me play Randal and I'll do it for free."