History Funny / CarryOnAtYourConvenience

'''Chloe''': Er, come on Fred, I'll get you something somethin' to eat.\\

* Vic's mother Agatha snapping at him.

'''Mr. Coote''' Well, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to it.

* Sid the clairvoyant taking W.C.'s fortune and telling him his connection to Miss Withering.

'''W.C.''': Don't be ''disgusting''!

* Lew's date with Myrtle falls into disaster, ending with him taking her to a movie about sex (when he apparently thought it was a movie about falling in love) and accidentally pulling off her skirt when she misinterprets his conversation with Roger.

* Vic's attempt to call a strike for the lack of the tea rounds is interrupted by Lew and Sid, as well as Chloe's shenanigans.
-->'''Lew''': Now, you may not understand exactly what it means, but since I've been working in this factory I have made a time and motion study.

'''Lew''': And don't think I hadn't noticed it, Mrs. Moore... especially in your main production department.\\

'''Lew''': Anyhow, I'd like to try and show you how it works.\\

** About her son, she says: "Good-for-nothing little sod! Just like his bleeding father! [[AlasPoorScrappy May he rest in pieces]]".
* Lew's date with Myrtle falls into disaster, ending with him taking her to a movie about sex (when he apparently thought it was a movie about falling in love) and accidentally pulling off her skirt when she misinterprets his conversation with a friend.

'''Charles''': [[DeadpanSnarker Well, it was hardly designed for a reading room.]]

'''Charles''': It's ''streamlined''.\\

* Charles getting so drunk, he is dumped in the boot of the coach bus. [[FunnyBackgroundEvent He is seen sleeping soundly]] as Sid and Chloe get off outside the house.

* Sid's snarks at his wife as she looks after their budgie, such as pointing out that if eating a honey ring sweet would shut up anyone that eats it, he would've brought her a crate of them years ago and Beattie's constant nagging at the bird is stopping him from trying to speak without interruptions - he knows this because they've been married twenty-five years and he still has trouble!

--->'''Beattie''': Generally 'e just sits there doing nothing.\\

* Vic's mother Agatha and Charles playing StripPoker, and catching Vic coming home trouserless.

** When Bernie turns up at the house with the door being answered by Charles in his underpants:

'''Charles''': Come in.\\

'''Charles''': Ooh, that's alright. I was just having a game, of cards.\\

'''Charles''': Would you care to have a game?\\

'''Charles''': Ooh hoo-hoo, we'll soon get those that off you.\\

'''Charles''' Well, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to it.

-->'''Chloe''': Oh I know what it means, Mr. Lewis - and if you've got the time, I've certainly got the motion. (Laughter)\\

'''Chloe''': Oh, you cheeky devil! (Laughter)\\

'''Sid''': She knows how it works, I promise ya. (Laughter)\\

'''Sid''': That's up to Mrs. Moore. (Laughter)\\

'''Chloe''': Not [[PrecisionFStrike ruddy]] likely! (Laughter)

** "I'd been wonderin' what I'd do with yer £4 this week. [[DeadpanSnarker Take m'self to the Bahamas perhaps]]!"
** About her son, she says: "Good-for-nothing little sod! Just like his bleeding father! [[AlasPoorScrappy May he rest in pieces]]."

* Vic's mother Agatha snapping: "Oh, just sit on backside and shut up! If you spent more time sitting on it than talking out of it, you'd probably get somewhere in life!"
** "Oh, yeah -- 55p! [[DeadpanSnarker That'll get me to the Bahamas]]!"

* Vic's mother snapping: "Oh, just sit on backside and shut up! If you spent more time sitting on it than talking out of it, you'd probably get somewhere in life!"

** When Bernie turns up at the house with the door being answered by Coote in his underpants:

''[room fills with jeers and laughter]''\\

* Vic's mother and Charles playing {{strip poker}}, and Vic walks in on it trouser-less.
-->'''Vic's mother:''' [[SayMyName VICTOR!!]] Where are your trousers?!
-->'''Vic Spanner:''' My trousers?! What about your dress?!
-->''[Vic mother checks herself, realises she's standing in her slip and rushes out of the hallway screaming]''

-->'''Lew Boggs:''' You may not understand exactly what it means, but since I have been working in this factory I have been making a time and motion study.
-->'''Chloe Moore:''' Oh, I know what it means, Mr Lewis -- and if you've got the time, I've certainly got the motion.\\
''[room fills with laughter]''\\
'''Lew Boggs:''' Don't think I haven't noticed it, Mrs Moore... especially in your main production department.\\
'''Chloe Moore:''' ''[playfully]'' Oh, you cheeky devil.\\

'''Lew Boggs:''' Anyway, I'd like to show you how [the time and motion study] works.\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' ''[flatly]'' She knows how it works. Trust me.\\
''[room fills with laughter]''\\
'''Vic Spanner:''' ''[crossly]'' Mr Lewis, we're avoiding the issue. Are we or are we not going to get what we want?!\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' That's up to Mrs Moore.\\
''[room fills with laughter]''\\
'''Vic Spanner:''' ''[angrily]'' I mean on the factory floor!\\
'''Chloe Moore:''' Not [[PrecisionFStrike ruddy]] likely!

--->'''Beattie Plummer:''' I wish he'd do more than just sitting and doing nothing.\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' He's an excellent mimic. He's copying you.

--->'''Bernie Hulke:''' Hello, Mr Coote. I'm sorry to have interrupted you undressing.\\
'''Charles Coote:''' Oh, don't worry about that. I was just playing a game. D'you want to join us?\\
'''Bernie Hulke:''' I don't think I'm properly dressed for that.\\
'''Charles Coote:''' Oh, no worries. We'll soon have all that off you. ''[Vic is heard coming down the stairs and Bernie goes to meet him at the bottom]'' Well, if you excuse me, I shall be going back to it. ''[Charles walks into the living room; Vic and Bernie watch him close the door [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight unfazed]]]''

--->'''Vic Spanner:''' ''(watching them both head for the dancefloor through the window)'' There he is. He's got her out on the floor.
--->'''Bernie Hulke:''' ''[astounded]'' What?! In front of everybody?!

* Sid the clairvoyant taking W.C.'s fortune.
-->'''Sid Plummer:''' I see you and Miss Withering's spirits entwined.\\
'''W.C. Boggs:''' ''[offended]'' Don't be DISGUSTING!!
* Sid takes Chloe home (they are next door neighbours) after Vic calls a strike. They discuss over how there's nothing left for them to do this afternoon and Sid brags (he's talking out of his ass) about how he's always having sex with his wife, whereas Chloe comments that her husband prefers a Saturday to have their date night. Then as they're meeting up with him:
-->'''Mr Moore:''' There always seems to be trouble in the works. We seem to be having it [the strikes at Chloe's work] once a week, just like clockwork.\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' I thought that's how you liked it?\\
'''Chloe Moore:''' ''[gently pulling her husband towards their front door]'' Come on, love. I'll make you something nice.\\
'''Mr Moore:''' ''[hesitantly]'' Um... I could do with a bit.\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' ''[smugly]'' Spoken like a true man.

* Sid's snarks at his wife as she looks after their budgie, such as pointing out that if eating a honey ring sweet would shut up anyone that eats it, he "would've brought you a crate of them years ago" and Beattie's constant nagging at the bird is stopping him from trying to speak without interruptions -- he knows this because "We've been married 25 years and I still have trouble."

* Upon researching over what makes a good toilet:
-->'''Sid Plummer:''' I don't think I could stand [sitting on the toilet seat] for more than half an hour.\\
'''Charles Coote:''' [[DeadpanSnarker It was hardly designed for a reading room.]]

--->'''Sid Plummer:''' Look at this. It's very slender pedestal, innit?\\
'''Charles Coote:''' It's streamlined.\\
'''Sid Plummer:''' What for? Wind resistance?

--->'''Bernie Hulke:''' ''[astounded]'' [[GettingCrapPastTheRadar What?! In front of everybody?!]]

-->'''Sid Plummer:''' I don't think I could stand [sitting on it] for more than half an hour.\\

* Lew's date with Myrtle falls into disaster, ending with him accidentally pulling off her skirt when she misinterprets his conversation with a friend.

--->'''Vic Spanner:''' ''[watching them both head for the dancefloor through the window]'' There he is. He's got her out on the floor.

-->'''Sid Plummer:''' I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.\\

* Vic's mother and Charles playing strip poker, and Vic walks in on it trouser-less.

** Also, Vic's {{goofy print und|erwear}}ies.

* Lew's date with Jenny falls into disaster, ending with him accidentally pulling off her skirt when she misinterprets his conversation with a friend.

-->''[Vic mother checks herself, realises she's standing in her slip and rushes out of the hallway screaming]''

* Sid's snarks at his wife as she looks after their budgie, such as pointing out that if eating a honey ring sweet would shut up anyone that eats it, he "would've brought you a crate of them years ago" and Beattie's constant nagging at the bird is stopping him from trying to speak without interruptions -- he knows this because "We've been married 25 years and I still have trouble."

* Sid's like snarks at his wife as she looks after their budgie, such as pointing out that if eating a honey ring sweet would shut up anyone that eats it, he "would've brought you a crate of them years ago" and Beattie's constant nagging at the bird is stopping him from trying to speak without interruptions -- he knows this because "We've been married 25 years and I still have trouble."

* Charles getting so drunk, he is dumped in the boot of the coach bus. He is seen sleeping soundly as Sid and Chloe get off outside the house.

'''Chloe Moore:''' Not [[PrecisionFStrike ruddy]] likely!

-->'''Lew Boggs:''' You may not understand exactly what it means, but since I have been working in this factory I have been making a time and motion study.\\
'''Chloe Moore:''' Oh, I know what it means, Mr Lewis, and if you've got the time I've certainly got the motion.\\
'''Lew Boggs:''' Don't think I haven't noticed it Mrs Moore, especially in your main production department.\\
'''Chloe Moore:''' Oh, you cheeky devil.

''''Lew Boggs:''' Don't think I haven't noticed it Mrs Moore, especially in your main production department.\\

'''Sid Plummer:''' ''[smugly]'' Spoken like a true man.