Funny / Carry On at Your Convenience

• Vic's mother Agatha snapping at him:
  Agatha: Oh, sit down on yer backside and shut up! If you spent more time sitting on it, an' less time talking through it, we might get somewhere!
  • "I'd been wonderin' what I'd do with yer £4 this week. Take m'self to the Bahamas perhaps!".
  • Her thoughts on her son:
    Agatha: Good for nothin' little sod. Just like his bloody old father, may he rest in pieces.
• Lewis' date with Myrtle falls into disaster, ending with him taking her to a movie about sex (when he apparently thought it was a movie about falling in love) and accidentally pulling off her skirt when she misinterprets his conversation with his friend Roger.
  • Also this:
    Vic: Aye aye. He's got her on the floor now.
    Bernie: What, in front of everybody?!
• The staff's day trip to Brighton which includes getting drunk, going to a fortune teller and going to a shooting gallery.
  • Then the undercranked montage of the coach bus dropping the group off at about six pubs, as well as an abandoned woods where the drunk passengers could have male/female group urinations by the trees.
• Sid testing out a toilet seat:
  Sid: I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.
  Mr. Coote: Well, it was hardly designed for a reading room.
  • In the same scene:
    Sid: Look, look at this. Very slender this pedestal, innit?
    Mr. Coote: It's streamlined.
    Sid: What for? Wind resistance?
• Mr. Coote getting so drunk that he is dumped in the boot of the coach bus. He is seen sleeping soundly as Sid and Chloe get off outside the house.
• Sid the clairvoyant taking Mr. Boggs' fortune and telling him his connection to Miss Withering.
  Sid: Your affinities will be closely entwined.
  Mr. Boggs: Don't be disgusting!
• Sid takes Chloe home after Vic calls a strike. They discuss over how there's nothing left for them to do this afternoon and Sid brags (he's talking out of his ass) about how he's always having sex with his wife, Beattie, whereas Chloe comments that her husband, Fred, prefers a Saturday to have their date night. Then as they're meeting up with him:
  Fred: There's always trouble at the works. We seem to be having it once a week, as regular as clockwork.
  Sid: I thought that's how ya liked it?
  Chloe: Er, come on, Fred, I'll get you something somethin' to eat.
  Fred: I could do with a bit.
  Sid: Spoken like a true man!
• Vic's attempt to call a strike for the lack of the tea rounds is interrupted by Lewis and Sid, as well as Chloe's shenanigans.
  Lewis: Now, you may not understand exactly what it means, but since I've been working in this factory I have made a time and motion study.
  Chloe: Oh I know what it means, Mr. Lewis - and if you've got the time, I've certainly got the motion. (Everyone laughs)
  Lewis: And don't think I hadn't noticed it, Mrs. Moore... especially in your main production department.
  Chloe: Oh, you cheeky devil! (Everyone laughs)
  Lewis: Anyhow, I'd like to try and show you how it works.
  Sid: She knows how it works, I promise ya. (Everyone laughs)
  Vic: Mr. Lewis. We are avaiding the issue. Are we, or are we not, going to get what we want?!
  Sid: That's up to Mrs. Moore. (Everyone laughs)
  Vic: I mean on the factory floor!
  Chloe: Not ruddy likely! (Everyone laughs)
• Sid's snarks at his wife as she looks after their budgie Joey, such as pointing out that if eating a honey ring sweet would shut up anyone that eats it, he would've brought her a crate of them years ago and Beattie's constant nagging at the bird is stopping him from trying to speak without interruptions - he knows this because they've been married twenty-five years and he still has trouble!
  • Let's not forget:
    Beattie: Generally he just sits there doing nothing.
    Sid: He's a natural mimic. He's copyin' you.
• Vic's mother Agatha and Mr. Coote playing Strip Poker, and catching Vic coming home trouserless.
  Agatha: Victor! Whatta ya doin' without yer trousers on?!
  Vic: Ah, you can talk I must say!
  Agatha: Eh? Oh, OH! AHH! OH NO!
  • Also, Vic's goofy print undies.
  • When Bernie turns up at the house with the door being answered by Mr. Coote in his underpants:
    Bernie: Excuse me Mr. Coote.
    Mr. Coote: Come in.
    Bernie: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your dressing.
    Mr. Coote: Ooh, that's alright. I was just having a game, of cards.
    Bernie: Oh, yeah, I see.
    Mr. Coote: Would you care to have a game?
    Bernie: Er, not just now thank you. I mean I'm hardly dressed for it, am I?.
    Mr. Coote: Ooh hoo-hoo, we'll soon get those that off you.
    Bernie: Oh, no thank you. Actually I come to see Vic. Oh there he is!
    Mr. Coote Well, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to it.

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