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* Right before he dives into the video, a maniac wearing a bag on his head wrapped in [[TakeThat fragile tape]] [[HellIsThatNoise making incoherent noises]] barges in to stop Caddy. And what's the maniac's name? [[TomTheDarkLord Max]].
* When Caddy learns that there's a fighting game that lets you play as Jesus, [[VisualPun he poos himself.]]
-->'''Poo!Caddy:''' Hello.
** Not only that, [[CrossingTheLineTwice but you either get to beat up Moses or]] [[UpToEleven '''''Santa Claus.''''']]
-->'''Caddy:''' TAKE THAT, YOU BEARDED NONCE! THIS IS FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU DIDN'T GET ME THE HOT WHEELS GARAGE SET!
* When Caddy learns that there's a fighting game that lets you play as Jesus, [[VisualPun he poos himself.]]
-->'''Poo!Caddy:''' Hello.
** Not only that, [[CrossingTheLineTwice but you either get to beat up Moses or]] [[UpToEleven '''''Santa Claus.''''']]
-->'''Caddy:''' TAKE THAT, YOU BEARDED NONCE! THIS IS FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU DIDN'T GET ME THE HOT WHEELS GARAGE SET!
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--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after walking down a field)'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]
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--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after walking down a field)'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]WHAT?!]]
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** Whenever Caddy types an action that the game doesn't recognize, text pops up saying: "I don't understand". This alone isn't funny, but the whiny and pathetic tone Caddy reads it in, is priceless.
to:
** Whenever Caddy types an action that the game doesn't recognize, text pops up saying: "I don't understand". This alone isn't funny, but the whiny and pathetic tone Caddy reads it it's delivered in, is priceless.
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-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[{{Beat}} (beat)]]'' I'm not doing a Christmas video this year, ''[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere BYYYYYE]]''- ''(teleports out of existence)''
* Caddy's... [[SarcasmMode "accurate"]] retelling of Literature/TheBible.
* Caddy's... [[SarcasmMode "accurate"]] retelling of Literature/TheBible.
to:
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[{{Beat}} (beat)]]'' I'm not doing a Christmas video this year, ''[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere BYYYYYE]]''- ''(teleports out of existence)''
existence, soon to be replaced by...)''
* Caddy does the entire review dressed as Jesus. And he goes [[CrossesTheLineTwice all the way]] with the bit.
* Caddy's...[[SarcasmMode [[BlatantLies "accurate"]] retelling of Literature/TheBible.
* Caddy does the entire review dressed as Jesus. And he goes [[CrossesTheLineTwice all the way]] with the bit.
* Caddy's...
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** He then types "give up". To which the game responds, "You give a denarius".
to:
** He then types "give up". To which the game responds, "You give a denarius".denarius[[note]]An old Roman coin.[[/note]]".
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* The [[CallBack return]] of HeteronormativeCrusader Goofy.
-->'''Caddy:''' Y'know, just like Goofy, when he found out about his son's preferences, and was abundantly supportive and accepting towards him.\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Maxy! We don't want any ''queers'' in this house!\\
'''Caddy:''' Actually, ''[[ImmediateSelfContradiction don't]]'' be like Goofy! Goofy's a ''twat''!
-->'''Caddy:''' Y'know, just like Goofy, when he found out about his son's preferences, and was abundantly supportive and accepting towards him.\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Maxy! We don't want any ''queers'' in this house!\\
'''Caddy:''' Actually, ''[[ImmediateSelfContradiction don't]]'' be like Goofy! Goofy's a ''twat''!
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''(the game responds: "You can't get that)''\\
to:
''(the game responds: "You can't get that)''\\that")''\\
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* Caddy compares the PC game ''The Secrets of Jesus'', to being like if you walked into someone else's text messages from the year 30 A.D. When he says this, a phone appears on the right side of the screen with text messages from King Herod. One of which reads: "Just went to town and killed every baby [[CrossingTheLineTwice lmao]]".
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** He then types "give up". To which the game responds, "You give a denarius".
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after walking down a field)'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after walking down a field)'' [[BigWhat WHAT??]]
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--->'''Caddy:''' ''(types "Take maniac on a date)"''\\
to:
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(types "Take maniac on a date)"''\\date")''\\
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* Caddy explores the Hereford Cathedral in search of [[Creator/SquareEnix Enix]]'s ''Jesus'', which he describes as, "Jesus as an anime." He finds the box in the lowest recesses of the cathedral, and opens it to find... a picture of [[Manga/UzakiChanWantsToHangOut Uzaki-chan]] in a [[{{Fanservice}} swimsuit]].
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[{{Pun}} Jesus!]]''
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[{{Pun}} Jesus!]]''
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--->'''Caddy:''' [''types "Take maniac on a date"'']\\
[''The game responds: "You can't get that'']\\
[''The game responds: "You can't get that'']\\
to:
--->'''Caddy:''' [''types ''(types "Take maniac on a date"'']\\
[''Thedate)"''\\
''(the game responds: "You can't getthat'']\\that)''\\
[''The
''(the game responds: "You can't get
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* The absolute '''entirety''' of Caddy playing ''Galilee'', a text-based adventure game on the Spectrum 48K. First off, Caddy has to wait five minutes for the thing to load, all while listening to high-pitched beeps. Then, when it does load up, the first thing he's greeted with is text reading: [[AccidentalInnuendo "You wake up with a throbbing head".]]
** Whenever Caddy types an action that the game doesn't recognize, text pops up saying: "I don't understand". This alone isn't funny, but the whiny and pathetic tone Caddy reads it in, is priceless.
** After being attacked by a maniac and trying many options, Caddy tries a different approach.
--->'''Caddy:''' [''types "Take maniac on a date"'']\\
[''The game responds: "You can't get that'']\\
'''Caddy:''' What? Is the maniac out of my league?
** Whenever Caddy types an action that the game doesn't recognize, text pops up saying: "I don't understand". This alone isn't funny, but the whiny and pathetic tone Caddy reads it in, is priceless.
** After being attacked by a maniac and trying many options, Caddy tries a different approach.
--->'''Caddy:''' [''types "Take maniac on a date"'']\\
[''The game responds: "You can't get that'']\\
'''Caddy:''' What? Is the maniac out of my league?
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* After finishing up ''Five Loaves ~ 2 Fishes'', [[https://youtu.be/Q9EspvjWcRs?t=1111 Caddy sings]] to the tune of [[Music/SystemOfADown BYOB]] while the camera zooms in and rocks back and forth on one of the game's models.
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* The ''entire'' "Jesus Is a Friend of Mine" [[https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/363741885400875009/922370592420810772/IMG_3292.gif dance segment]].
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* The reason for so many Bible games existing?
-->''♪That's 'cause Jesus Christ is my {{n|word privileges}}-♪''\\
'''Caddy:''' ''(blocking the screen)'' '''''[[BigNo NOOOOOOOOO!!!]]'''''
-->''♪That's 'cause Jesus Christ is my {{n|word privileges}}-♪''\\
'''Caddy:''' ''(blocking the screen)'' '''''[[BigNo NOOOOOOOOO!!!]]'''''
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* Caddy's... [[SarcasmMode "accurate"]] retelling of Literature/TheBible.
-->'''Caddy:''' We all know the story. 2000 years ago, a man had a beard. Some people loved it, so they banded together to form [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Organization XIII]], and some people didn't, so they killed him, and he [[MemeticMutation T-posed]]. ''(off-key flute playing)''
-->'''Caddy:''' We all know the story. 2000 years ago, a man had a beard. Some people loved it, so they banded together to form [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Organization XIII]], and some people didn't, so they killed him, and he [[MemeticMutation T-posed]]. ''(off-key flute playing)''
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* As he covers ''VideoGame/Manhunt2'':
** Apparently, the [[{{Manchild}} kids]] are still here.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(picks up phone)'' Hello?\\
** Apparently, the [[{{Manchild}} kids]] are still here.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(picks up phone)'' Hello?\\
to:
* As he covers ''VideoGame/Manhunt2'':
**Apparently, the [[{{Manchild}} kids]] are still here.
--->'''Caddy:''' -->'''Caddy:''' ''(picks up phone)'' Hello?\\
**
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* When Caddy explains that [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton Hillary Clinton]] was the one who issued ''Manhunt 2'' to have an Adults Only rating in the States...
-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!
-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!
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This:
-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton YOU SCAB!!!]]\\
Also:
-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton YOU SCAB!!!]]\\
Also:
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[[folder:The Unholy World of Jesus Games]]
* Not even 10 seconds into the video, and Caddy realizes that ThisIsGonnaSuck.
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[{{Beat}} (beat)]]'' I'm not doing a Christmas video this year, ''[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere BYYYYYE]]''- ''(teleports out of existence)''
[[/folder]]
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'''[[Anime/DragonBallZ Caddy!Goku]]:''' Hello.\\
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** "Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and BASH ONE OUT! A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!"
** This TakeThat at conservative parents in the original release.
** This TakeThat at conservative parents in the original release.
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** At least the joke that replaces it in the edited version is just as hilarious:
--->'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and [[ADateWithRosiePalms BASH ONE OUT!]] A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!
--->'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and [[ADateWithRosiePalms BASH ONE OUT!]] A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!
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* After going through what he considers to be the worst game in the series, Caddy finds the guy in the derpy Crash costume from earlier and approaches him, wanting to get back at him for having to play mostly not-so-good games, only for him to distract Caddy by handing him ''VideoGame/CrashOnTheRun''.
to:
* After going through what he considers to be the worst game in the series, Caddy finds the guy in the derpy Crash costume from earlier and approaches crabwalks to him, wanting to get back at him for having to play mostly not-so-good games, only for him to distract Caddy by handing him ''VideoGame/CrashOnTheRun''.
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* Admit it. [[JustHereForGodzilla There's only one reason and one reason alone]] why ''anyone'' in their right mind would want to add this great disturbance in the Force to their game collection. The Han Solo dance. Also, the Hollaback Girl parody, now called "Hologram Girl" with Oola as the front girl and with an album cover featuring Sebulba.
to:
* Admit it. [[JustHereForGodzilla There's only one reason and one reason alone]] why ''anyone'' in their right mind would want to add this great disturbance in the Force to their game collection. The Galactic Dance-Off. From the Han Solo dance. Also, dance to the Hollaback Girl parody, now called "Hologram Girl" with Oola as the front girl and with to an album cover featuring Sebulba.Sebulba, the laughter will definitely be strong with this one.
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-->Other Caddy: [[SelfDeprecation Hello.]]
-->Caddy: Everything here serves a very important purpose, and you need to raise specific hands in specific places to enter specific side-menus, and touch specific buttons IN those specific-side menus, WHILE SPECIFIC BULLETS FLY THROUGH YOUR SPECIFIC FACE!
-->Caddy: Everything here serves a very important purpose, and you need to raise specific hands in specific places to enter specific side-menus, and touch specific buttons IN those specific-side menus, WHILE SPECIFIC BULLETS FLY THROUGH YOUR SPECIFIC FACE!
to:
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--> '''Caddy:''' When did Mickey Mouse become a sociopath? [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Did he finally succumb to the darkness?]]
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* Caddy addresses the litany of overly complicated actions that you need to perform in ''VideoGame/SteelBattalion: Heavy Armor''.
-->'''Caddy''': It's claustrophobic. This thing needs to read every precise body movement you make in the middle of a WAR... And it's claustrophobic.
-->(A quick montage of Caddy being destroyed multiple times over plays)
-->'''Caddy''': Steel Battalion essentially demands from you the impossible! Wanna know why? Because EVERYTHING on the screen here is important! THIS thing, THAT thing, THAT button, THIS knob, THAT knob, THIS knob...
-->Other Caddy: [[SelfDeprecation Hello.]]
-->Caddy: Everything here serves a very important purpose, and you need to raise specific hands in specific places to enter specific side-menus, and touch specific buttons IN those specific-side menus, WHILE SPECIFIC BULLETS FLY THROUGH YOUR SPECIFIC FACE!
-->'''Caddy''': It's claustrophobic. This thing needs to read every precise body movement you make in the middle of a WAR... And it's claustrophobic.
-->(A quick montage of Caddy being destroyed multiple times over plays)
-->'''Caddy''': Steel Battalion essentially demands from you the impossible! Wanna know why? Because EVERYTHING on the screen here is important! THIS thing, THAT thing, THAT button, THIS knob, THAT knob, THIS knob...
-->Other Caddy: [[SelfDeprecation Hello.]]
-->Caddy: Everything here serves a very important purpose, and you need to raise specific hands in specific places to enter specific side-menus, and touch specific buttons IN those specific-side menus, WHILE SPECIFIC BULLETS FLY THROUGH YOUR SPECIFIC FACE!
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'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton YOU SCAB!!!]]\\
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-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton YOU SCAB!!!]]\\
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-->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, [[UsefulNotes/HillaryRodhamClinton YOU SCAB!!!]]\\
to:
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--->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
to:
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This
--->'''Caddy:'''THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
--->'''Caddy:'''THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
to:
--->'''Caddy:'''THIS
--->'''Caddy:''' THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
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'''Singer:''' ''♪This is the way the farmer rides, come on, come on-♪''
to:
'''Singer:''' ''♪This is the way the farmer rides, come on, come on-♪''gallop, gallop-♪''
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This
--->'''Caddy:'''THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
Also:
--->'''Caddy:'''THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU SCAB!!!\\
Also:
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-->'''*Pooh dreams up a stairway made out of clouds'''
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-->'''*Sora flies overhead, glancing at Pooh as a snippet of Sanctuary plays*'''
to:
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* After quitting the game due to its [[AntiClimaxBoss final boss]], the video transitions to this skit:
to:
* After quitting the game due to its the [[AntiClimaxBoss final boss]], "boss fight" with Quirell-Voldemort]], the video transitions to this skit:
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[[foldercontrol]]
[[folder: The Horrible World of Kinect Games]]
* The setup for the video is that Caddy, after waking up on the couch after a day of living in his dumpster due to the previous year breaking him ([[RunningGag again]]), is offered a coffee by another Caddy who, through some miscommunication, gets offended and gives him a Kinect so he can shove it. [[{{Unishment}} Not that this bothers the original Caddy]] (at first).
--> '''Caddy:''' "I've got a Kinect and it smells quite old~!" (He smells the Kinect, and gags)
* Next to 2020, 2010 was not a good year in human history. BP being responsible for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, a kid getting falsely accused for shoplifting, Mel Gibson dropping numerous N-bombs, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and Microsoft releasing the Xbox Kinect.]]
* Controllers. What do you do with them? Hold them? Nah. With the Kinect, your body is now the controller!
--> '''Controller!Caddy:''' Please hold me...
* Due to [=YouTube=]'s copyright restrictions, Caddy can't play ''[[VideoGame/JustDance Michael Jackson: The Experience]]'' despite the good reception it got. Argueably, though, it was for the best since the Michael Jackson experience means [[BlackComedy spending half the game in court and the other half dangling children out the window]].
** For the latter case, [[CutawayGag Caddy actually dangles a (toy) baby on his window...]] right until it actually falls. [[BlackComedy Cut to the baby hitting his head on the trash bin.]]
-->'''Caddy:''' "Oh.... [[PrecisionFStrike shit.]]"
** Later on, he asks why the baby's penis looks like an avocado.
* Despite the flack that the Kinect got, it does have its merits. It can follow your movements. It can read which hand you use. It knows when you swipe and in what direction you swipe (most of the time). As for what it can do as a gaming console? What better way to demonstrate than with ''VideoGame/RavingRabbids''?!
** What's that? You don't know what Raving Rabbids are? Then I want to crawl inside your head and live there forever, alone and happy, not knowing anything about Rabbids.''
*** The [[https://i.imgur.com/lM3uQ2I.jpg image]] that accompanies the above quote.
** Long story short, Rabbids are Ubisoft's equivalent to [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment the Minions]], right down to how much merch there is of them.
--> '''Caddy x5:''' (while holding Caddy Yootooz figurines) [[WebVideo/{{JonTron}} FINALLY, A CHARACTER FOR ME]]!
** Caddy claiming that an acid bath is the only place that a Rabbid belongs.
** After skipping the intro cutscene, he immediately gets an achievement.
-->'''Caddy''': But you don't get an achievement [[ItMakesSenseInContext for putting your hands up]]. [[BlackComedy You get shot!]]
** What's your reward for completing short and bland minigames? [[AccidentalInnuendo The game implying that Rabbids love shoving Barbies up where the sun don't shine.]]
** The entire "My Raving Rabbid" sequence.
*** The Rabbid ends up phasing into the couch, resulting in Caddy deciding to sit on it.
---->'''Caddy''': Oh, he liked that.
*** Caddy accidentally kicking the Rabbid offscreen.
*** Caddy not-so-accidentally kicking the Rabbid into the screen.
---->'''Caddy:''' (kneeling in front of the Rabbid) Say! What do you want to be when you grow up? An astronaut? Great! (WHAM)
*** This bit:
---->'''Game''': Hint: A little slap will surely make him change his mind.
---->'''Caddy''': Change his mind about ''what?'' Women's rights?
*** This;
---->'''Caddy''': (slaps rabbid) Ah, that's fun.
---->'''Caddy''': (slaps rabbid again) Ah, that's fun.
---->'''Caddy''': (slap doesn't register) ...this is shit.
* While playing Kinect Adventures, Caddy likens the feeling of getting the Kinect to actually work, to the second coming of Christ.
-->'''Caddy (as Jesus):''' And the first coming was already pretty good.
* Oddly enough, the launch titles for the Kinect actually work. You move a thing, your in-game avatar moves the thing you moved. [[{{Squick}} Including your]] [[OverlyLongGag thing]].
* ''Kinect Adventures'' gives you living statues which you can make bend over.
* For the next game, ''Get Fit with Mel B'', [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Caddy Christ is put on a chopping board in Egypt]].
** The utter train wreck that is the game in general, especially when Caddy demonstrates the function where the game uses the camera to put you in a virtual environment (like a yacht). One problem: [[SpecialEffectFailure it doesn't work]], with problems including:
** The game thinks Jim's feet are in the middle of his legs, so it looks like he's phasing through the floor.
** There are a multitude of times where the game doesn't even recognize most of his body, leaving him a mostly invisible mess.
** When Stan comes by and jumps up onto Caddy's shoulders, the game actually pauses.
* "We're about to dive into some Dart-Throwin-Ring-Tossin-Egg-Flingin-[[EyeScream Eye-Gougin]]-Sausage-Lickin-Toe-Smellin-Green-Goblin-Victim-Blamin-[[{{Squick}} Placenta-Cookin]] [[JumpScare FUN!]]"
* "What use is a game all about aiming at targets when you're working with an aiming cursor that stays with you just as much AS [[DisappearedDad ANDY'S DAD]]?!"
* This bit:
-->'''Woody:''' Aim for the bullseye!
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh come on, Woody, your mouth didn't even say that, it was closer to...
-->'''Caddy!Woody:''' A-f'oo-oo-ooh, OOH!
* Kite!Caddy comes back with a vengeance as the new Spons!
** It gets funnier if you watch the Patreon version, which turns Kite Caddy's appearance into a BigLippedAlligatorMoment instead.
* While playing ''Kinect Rush:''
-->'''Caddy''': [[FreeRangeChildren Where are your parents]]? ''Is this Literature/LordOfTheFlies?''
* And then, without any smooth transition whatsoever, Caddy brings us ''Harry Potter'' for Kinect, where we get to see Hermione look slightly to the left, Ron kamikaze into Hogwarts, and Harry question why he didn't take his constipation pills.
* Caddy muses on what it would be like if students were selected with their Gamertags, with his letter starting out with "Dear [=CaddicarusTV=]".
-->'''Caddy-dore:''' Welcome to Hogwarts... [=MuffMuncher=]_69!
* The absolutely hideous results of the "take a photo of yourself to use as your player character's face" feature. Ignoring Caddy's gurning expression, not only is his face a different colour to the rest of his body, but Caddy's facial hair is very visible on his supposedly 11-year old character. Naturally, for the rest of the segment he insults the character every chance he gets:
-->Welcome to Hogwarts, where if we don't like your face, we rip it off and stick this one on it!
-->Ah-ha! Got it! The perfect wand for the perfect boy... with facial hair!
-->Well now I'm only left with one question. Did my parents send me off to Hogwarts because I'm magical, or because they didn't want to look at my face anymore?
--> Anyway, we now have our first boss battle against the troll in the bathroom, but there's just one problem. I don't know which one is the troll.
* In this cutscene:
-->'''Narrator''': Ron and Harry realize Hermione may be in danger, and go to the girl's toilets-
-->'''Caddy!Narrator''': ''[[AllMenArePerverts To look at them]].''
* During the troll fight, due to the wonky physics, Caddy's avatar breaks his knees and does the Charleston before getting smacked by the troll's club.
* Casting spells and facing off against the troll in the dungeon might be a bit wonky, but at least Quidditch is a fun time. You can fly on your broom, you can catch the GoldenSnitch, [[MakesSenseInContext you can even beat on minors going insanely fast at dangerous heights on broomsticks.]]
* This bit:
-->'''Narrator''': When Professor [=McGonagall=] sees Harry catch something in mid-air while on his broomstick...
-->'''Caddy!Narrator''': ''She gets moist.''
* "Ron, you're 11. Why do you [[VocalDissonance sound 36]]?"
* After quitting the game due to its [[AntiClimaxBoss final boss]], the video transitions to this skit:
-->'''Caddy''': (Gasp) Who's that at the top of the stairs? Is it J. K. Walking?
-->'''Caddy!Creator/JKRowling''': No. It's J. K. [[IncrediblyLamePun Rolling]].
-->(J. K. [[VisualPun rolls]] down the stairs)
* Caddy playing ''Hulk Hogan's: Main Event'' and being horrified by the game's artstyle.
** "What is that all over his body? Is he covered in Cheeto dust?"
** Caddy screaming over various [[NightmareFace Nightmare Faces]] from the game.
** FATQUAMAN
** Caddy's segue to ''Rise of Nightmares''.
-->'''Caddy:''' (upon seeing the [[NightmareFace character's face at a downward angle]]) You know what? I'm pretty sure I've seen that face before somewhere. (picks up the ''Rise of Nightmares'' game case and looks on the back to find the aforementioned face) Ahh, ''Rise of Nightmares.'' Nightmares. Makes sense.
* Speaking of which, moat of the Rise of Nightmares segment is hilarious.
** When Caddy is told that he's gonna die, he assumes otherwise and claims he's gonna keep opening doors.
-->'''Caddy''': Is this Rise of Nightmares or Opening of Doors?
** While complaining about the nausea-inducing camera:
-->"It's enough to make me ''[[WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit Wallace and]] Vomit."
** Caddy describes the combat as "The lumpiest lump I ever did lump".
** When explaining the reasons why the level skipping mechanic:
-->'''Caddy''': First of all, it's boring. Second of all, it means there's no point in playing in yourself. Thirdly, you can't explore. Fourthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't scary. *The music gets louder* Fifthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't good. Sixthly, Rise of Nightmares sucks...
* You know you've had one too many when your 10-year-old child is your designated driver. Just ask the father and son on the box art of ''Kinect Joy Ride.''
* When Caddy plays ''Series/SesameStreet TV,'' he goes to Elmo's World. However, the video of him keeps flashing.
-->'''Elmo''': Welcome to Elmo's World!
-->'''Caddy''': Welcome to Elmo's [[SensoryAbuse Seizure]]!
** "I'm a viavealoninist."
** Elmo and his 3 dancing crucifixes.
** The ending of the ''Sesame Street'' segment:
--->'''Puppet''': ''Sesame Street'' was brought to you today by... the letter of the day! "V"!\\
'''Caddy''': "V" for "Vai-sectomy"!
* The opening to the ''VideoGame/KinectDisneylandAdventures'' segment.
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': For only £149.99 and an additional £49.99...
-->'''Caddy''': I can finally afford to go?
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': No, you can pretend to go!
--> (Caddy's face falls flat)
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': You can pretend to go! ({{Beat}}) Pretend to go! (and another) Pretend to go-
** The whole thing ends up being a shitshow from start to finish. Before he can even go on any rides, Caddy is forced to do a load of agonisingly-boring busywork running back and forth from one character to another doing, as he puts it, Mickey Mouse's daily chores. And Caddy's irritation grows accordingly.
** And when it comes time to finally get on a ride, it only gets worse. He tries Big Thunder Mountain, and gets a minigame that involves pumping a hand cart... ''for three minutes straight without pause''. It was so bad that not only was poor Caddy utterly wiped for the rest of his recording session, and not only did the Kinect notice him struggling and advise him to take a break, but the mid-gameplay photos show Caddy in ''genuine pain from the sheer exertion''.
* Mickey Mouse writes Caddy a autograph, however, there's nothing on the paper.
--> '''Caddy:''' When did Mickey Mouse become a sociopath? [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Did he finally succumb to the darkness?]]
* "Gee! Thanks, Mickey ''Minger!"''
* The segue from the ''Kinect Disneyland Adventures'' segment to the ''Fighters Uncaged'' segment.
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': Whoa! You sound angy!
-->'''Caddy''': Yeah, I am! I am angy!
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': Well, why don't you punch someone?
-->'''Caddy''': You mean in real life?!
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': ({{Beat}}) Yeah.
-->'''Caddy''': You don't actually mean that, do you?
-->{beat}
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': No.
* After going though the vast majority of the Kinect's backlog, Caddy stats feeling worn out. But of course, no Kinect video is complete without... ''that'' one. The one that takes you to [[Franchise/StarWars a galaxy far, far away.]]
--> '''Caddy:''' Well, I wanted to end this video with right old BANG, so...
* That's right, folks. ''Kinect Star Wars,'' [[BlatantLies where you can play as all your favorite characters from the galaxy far, far away. Classic mainstays such as]] [[RememberTheNewGuy Ara Barotta, Zeetara Maan, Tren Alvar, Fenella Druce, and everyone's favorite, Dar Singe.]]
* Everyone loves Watto- [[VerbalBackspace er, I mean]] the lightsaber battles! The intensity, the intricacy, the constant risk of the other guy getting bisected by a beam of plasma that can cut through metal like butter. So how better to translate that into a motion control-based game than by [[SarcasmMode staggering the other guy with the Force and flailing around until the other guy falls to pieces, repeated ad nauseum]]?
* Apparently Caddy isn't impressed with [[Creator/TomKane the soundalike they got for Yoda]] in this game.
--> '''Caddy:''' That's the worst Yoda impression I've ever heard, it's not even close!\\
'''Yoda:''' Hmhmh! Say the same for you, we once did.\\
'''Caddy:''' (as Yoda) HELLO I'M YODA NICE TO MEET YOU IT IS
* This bit with the speeder bike segment:
--> '''Caddy:''' Hey, Yoda. Where do birds live?\\
'''Yoda:''' TREES!\\
'''Caddy:''' What's paper made from?\\
'''Yoda:''' TREES!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[ToneShift What in the Amazon Rainforest was cut down up to seven billion times last year and is a contributing factor to an environmental crisis?]]\\
(beat)\\
'''Yoda:''' [[BlackComedy TREES!]]
* "Standing still and airing out your pants" is not only a valid replacement for Soresu or Djem So or any other lightsaber form, but also [[GameBreaker the one hand movement that beats the whole of Duel of Fates]]. Caddy is very happy to demonstrate.
* Turns out despite how fun playing as a Rancor tearing up Mos Eisley sounds, it's quite dull. [[ItMakesSenseInContext “Who would have thought that genocide would be repetitive?”]]
* Admit it. [[JustHereForGodzilla There's only one reason and one reason alone]] why ''anyone'' in their right mind would want to add this great disturbance in the Force to their game collection. The Han Solo dance. Also, the Hollaback Girl parody, now called "Hologram Girl" with Oola as the front girl and with an album cover featuring Sebulba.
** Even though Caddy was expecting it, he still can't comprehend what he's seeing when the song starts. In the window displaying his movements, he can be seen clutching his head in disbelief.
** Unfortunately, Caddy can't dance so he can't enjoy this. Luckily, Cerys can and had the time of her life with the Han Solo dance.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Stupid World of Portable Crash Bandicoot Games]]
* The video begins with Caddy randomly falling from the ceiling with absolutely zero context.
--> '''Caddy:''' Uh oh, messy…
* Then he gets a letter telling him he’s been invited to the “creamery”. He’s super excited to go… then it turns out he misread it, and he’s actually been invited to the ''cemetery''. But hey, at least he was able to take his dad home in his cream-tasting pot.
--> '''Caddy:''' (pours out the contents of the pot) He died how he lived. (beat) Smelling of cream.
* After all that, Caddy is feeling depressed and declares that nothing can make him feel better… but then he remembers it’s June!
--> '''Caddy:''' ''THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, BANDICONTH IS BACK!''
** Which is especially hilarious since the video was uploaded on the 1st of July, just missing the actual Bandicoot Month.
* While it is undeniably very satisfying to carry game cases in your pocket next to your weaponry, portable gaming is equally amazing. As such, Cash Banooca is no stranger to portability, as clearly evidenced by the amazing Switch ports of the ''N. Sane Trilogy'' and ''CTR Nitro-Fueled''... or at least the latter would be if it weren't for the [[LoadsAndLoadsOfLoading disastrous loading times]].
* Caddy likes console and PC gaming as much as the Pope, but sometimes he prefers portable gaming, so that rather than dealing with the commitment of sitting down, starting the game up, and staying in the living room, you can instead [[DistinctionWithoutADifference sit down, start up the game, and stay in the living room]].
* Pride. Strength. Speed. Power. Grace. Take all these words that perfectly describe tigers, [[BaitAndSwitch throw them out the window]], and you have Tiger Electronics.
* Most people would naively assume that Crash started the portable business on the Game Boy Advance, but oh no, that honour would go to none other than good ol' Tiger Electronics.
** Granted, it may look like a clam, but that’s because this isn't a traditional LCD-based handheld, but rather an advanced dot-matrix system, complete with save states and digidigitized sound effects!
** “Oh my god, you can get two of them together and ''mount'' them for multiplayer? I’ve always wondered how oysters mate!”
** Not only that, but there were also cabinet-style LCD games made by, get this, "Manley Toy Quest".
-->'''Caddy:''' What "manley toys" are you questing for, Crash?
* Once again, Kite!Caddy takes on the role of Spons, but he quickly passes the baton to regular Caddy when he realizes he's going to be talking about charity while dressed as a kite.
* There’s also the LCD Crash games that were sold with [=McDonald=]’s Happy Meals, and they end up being as good as you would expect from free toys that came in a box with greasy food: boringly simplistic and irritating to the ears.
-->'''Caddy:''' Yes, essentially I spent money on a load of free toys that most kids threw in the bin, and all I have to show for it is a herd of geese.\\
(the games suddenly spring to life, hopping around and beeping incessantly)
** At least one of the covers give us the glorious sight of Dr. Neo Cortex in a disco suit.
--->'''Caddy!Cortex:''' ''[[Music/TheBeeGees AH! AH! AH! AH! BANDICOOT! BANDICOOT!]]''
** When Caddy learns of the existence of these games, he pauses for a moment, before cutting to him showering himself with gasoline.
--->'''Caddy:''' *strikes a match* [[DrivenToSuicide Goodbye]].
* When discussing the various locations one could play portable games in, Caddy somehow manages to get "bath" and "toilet" confused. Then he, in the bath, looks downwards.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oops.
* ''Crash Bandicoot: Xylophone Saxophone'' is a fantastic game, but it wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included '''''SCHRUMPFALARM AUF DER ERDE!'''''
* He still thinks the plot is pretty lackluster, most notably that Cortex has shrunken the planet down to the size of a beef tomato, yet does nothing but hold it until Crash shows up to stop him.
-->'''Caddy:''' (holding a tomato) Cortex. Mate. (squishes the tomato, causing its juices to splash onto him) Squish. (licks the tomato) Crash Bandicoot’s out of date.
* Meanwhile, the sequel also wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included... ''that guy.''
-->'''Caddy:''' [[Music/TheBeatles Here comes my son, doo doo doo doo, here comes my son, and I say, he's an egg.]]
* Indeed, ''N-Tranced'' is the perfect living, breathing example of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
--> '''Caddy:''' What? I didn’t say “living and breathing”, what are you talking about?\\
(cut to the ''N-Tranced'' cartridge [[LiteralMetaphor creepily breathing and wheezing]])
* “The story here is that N. Tropy is very cross with Crash Bandicoot, and he’s so cross that he lays an egg.”
* The boss fight with Caddy's aforementioned son, N. Trance himself, isn’t exactly that hard for Caddy nowadays, but was much more so when he was younger, owning to him being intimidated by N. Trance’s design and losing focus. Especially a particularly uncanny face he makes in the second part.
--> '''Caddy:''' Lets play a game: “What Kind of Eye Infection Does He Have?” Conjunctivitis? Cellulitis? Uveitis? (beat) Uh… seeing a doctor? (Caddy pops up with an extremely distorted left eye) I knew there was something wrong with my last check-up!
* Unless you’re using them where they’re required, two of ''N-Tranced''’s power-ups are more of a hinderance than a help.
--> '''Caddy:''' First off, there’s a Super Slide, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion), and after that is the Rocket Jump, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion).
* The hilariously contrived transition from ''N-Tranced'' into the GBA port of ''Nitro Kart''.
--> '''Caddy:''' Plus, whenever you use the Rocket Jump, Crash’s model looks like a weasel that just got run over. (beat) And he was probably run over by himself. When he was in a go-kart. On ''Crash Nitro Kart'' in the Gammme ''Boy''.
* As for this port of ''Nitro Kart'' itself, it's a good time, if a bit boring. It even has compressed sound effects!
-->'''N. Gin:''' FUNNEE ROAD!
-->'''Cortex:''' The Racist Pie.
-->'''Tiny Tiger:''' TINY KNOCK YOU UP!!!
* As it turns out, [[WebVideo/ScottTheWoz Scott Wozniak's]] blue border [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext is made up of Crash's shorts.]]
** Caddy threatened to reveal this if Scott didn’t give him the next game, only to do it anyways. But Scott manages to get the last laugh because the next game turned out to be ''Crash Purple'', the sister game to the dreadful ''Spyro Orange''.
** Also this exchange:
--->'''Scott:''' Why? Why are you asking me about Crash Bandicoot?
--->'''Caddy:''' I dunno, because… you look like him?
--->(cut to Scott’s head superimposed over Crash’s body)
--->'''Scott:''' '''''[[BigWhat WHAT?!]]'''''
* Here's an anecdote for the ages. One day in mid-2004, a horde of kids flooded the gates of congress demanding Crash and Spyro have a crossover. Then when they got it, it turned out to be extremely disappointing, and when those disappointed kids grew up 16 years later, well... [[CrossesTheLineTwice you can fill in the gaps.]]
* Crash and Spyro finally meet of the first time in gaming history… and immediately start throwing Molotov cocktails at each other.
* ''Crash Purple'' at least has more variety in the minigames than ''Spyro Orange'', whether you’re breaking all the boxes you can, skimming across water on a motorized lemon, [[Film/FallingDown falling down like Michael Doo-glaus]], driving a tank a lá ''Crashley Bashley'', murdering all the baby animals with a bazooka, and flying a jetpack with a single button a decade before ''VideoGame/FlappyBird'' made it cool.
* Turns out there’s yet another Crash GBA game (the rhythm mini-game ''Crash Party'') that’s a secret like Music/BillyIdol’s real name… William Idealistic.
** Speaking of which, how did ''Crash Party'' turn out overall?
--->'''Caddy:''' (zoom-in on N. Trance's eye) ...It’s horrible.
--->'''Crash:''' (air humping) [[Franchise/ScoobyDoo RRREE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!]]
* Caddy finishes up with the GBA and is about to move on to the [=PlayStation Portable=]… except there's ANOTHER secret Crash GBA game, ''Crash Bandicoot Blast'', except this one is ''invisible''!
** Actually that’s because ''Blast'' is an extra that’s only available if you connect your GBA to the [=GameCube=] version of ''The Wrath of Cortex'', and the copy he found on [=eBay=] came with a note from “[=SpritesX6 Vintage=]”, hoping that their favorite game of all time will cheer him up after his notorious PC issues recently.
--->'''Caddy:''' Thank you, [=SpritesX6 Vintage=], say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Vintage for me and tell them that “[=SpritesX6=]” is a shit name for their child.
** And what do you get for going out of your way to spend up to $370 in 2002 money to get all the components necessary to play this one game? An extremely barebones shooting gallery that lasts for all of a minute before you get an ad for ''Crash XS'', except that even in the UK it’s referred to by its American title, ''The Huge Adventure'', likely confusing any UK children who then went frantically searching for a game that technically didn’t exist.
--->'''Caddy:''' [=SpritesX6=], you are ''NOT'' my mate!
* Caddy unfavorably compares ''Blast'' to gangrene, because at least gangrene came out a long time ago and is still going strong today. Which is also still more than can be said for the PSP.
* Surprisingly enough, despite owning some good games for it,[[note]]the games, in particular, being ''[[VideoGame/{{Tekken}} Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection]]'', ''[[VideoGame/KatamariDamacy Me & My Katamari]]'', ''VideoGame/LocoRoco'', ''[[VideoGame/MidnightClub Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition]]'', ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolidPeaceWalker'', ''VideoGame/TestDriveUnlimited'', ''[[VideoGame/TonyHawksUnderGround Tony's Hawk's Underground 2 Remix]]'', ''[[VideoGame/{{Wipeout}} Wipeout Pure]]'' & ''VideoGame/{{Patapon}}''[[/note]] Caddy never played a Crash game on the ''[=PooSP=]'' before, despite it being the portable system he spent the most time on growing up, even dabbling in a bit of, well…
-->'''''[[Series/LazyTown DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE-]]'''''
* Caddy prefers the nearly identical PSP port of ''Tag Team Racing'' to the console version despite a couple of downgrades. The only problem? He didn’t find ''Tag Team Racing'' to even be that good in the first place.
-->'''Caddy:''' It’s like being forced to wear a dirty and smelly t-shirt that reads “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” on it. You can wash the bad smell away… but you’re still being forced to wear it. But you know what you can’t wear? (beat) Video games. And ''Crash of the Titans'' on the PSP is one of them.
** Also the fact that Caddy went out of his way to find (or print) an actual “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” t-shirt just to stand on a random street with it for all to see.
* Speaking of, Caddy's [[DrivenToMadness increasingly frustrated tangents]] at the '''many''' ports of ''Crash of the Titans'' (and by extension its only slightly better sequel ''Mind Over Mutant'').
** To start off, we have the PSP version of ''Titans'', which like ''Tag Team Racing'', is just the console version with less sound effects and a graphical downgrade that make the character models look like they were covered in Vaseline.
--->'''Caddy:''' [[BrickJoke Maybe these are the “manley toys” we were looking for earlier.]]
** “''OH NOES, I'M A BAD CRASH GAME ON PSP!'' (beat) …just like ''Mind Over Mutant''…”
** And once again the PSP version is nearly identical to the console version, which was nearly identical to ''Titans''. It’s the same loop of beating up enemies and monsters and then sometimes mindjacking the monsters so you can '''''STORM THE INFIDELS''''', plus there’s better platforming, but the cutscene and audio quality took a noticeable dip and Crash still looks a cosplaying malnourished old man.
*** Caddy then proceeds to juxtapose Crash’s running with footage of a guy running in a derpy-looking Crash costume.
** The transition into ''Titans'' on the Nintendo DS.
---> (Creator/IdrisElba’s head on a bent arm hops into frame)\\
'''Idris:''' Hi.\\
'''Caddy:''' *gasp* Oh my god, you’re the world-famous Idris Elbow!\\
'''Idris:''' Yep, that’s me.\\
'''Caddy:''' Well, what are you doing here?\\
'''Idris:''' Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh here’s a game. (throws the game on the ground)\\
'''Caddy:''' Huh, well, how nice of you. Gee, I meet a celebrity…\\
'''Idris:''' Bye. (leaves)\\
'''Caddy:''' …and he gives me a video game. (picks up the game) [[TemptingFate Could things possibly get any bet-]]
** It’s once again the same gameplay style as the console and PSP versions, which Caddy emphasizes by taking the audio in which he described the gameplay in the PSP version, and repeating almost the exact same lines over it.
** Crash looks probably the worst he’s ever been on the title screen… but at least he doesn’t look as ill as his sister.
--->'''Caddy:''' Oh… hey, Coco… Coco… y…you… how you doing, you alright? You look… you look a little bit sick… or you’re a bit, under the weather… you want me… you want me to go get you a… you wanna, you uh… you wanna… ''MACKEYDONALD-''
** Caddy does prefer the DS version of ''Titans'' over the others, because it at least tries to be its own thing; the levels are a bit shorter, the platforming is more interesting, and there’s even classic 2D Bouns Rounds!
*** Which marks the return of Caddicarus Bouns Round from last year… which lasts all of two seconds before he crashes on a random rock in the middle of the road.
** Plus it’s got the best iteration of the Crash dance.
--->'''Caddy:''' Look at the confidence in that hip thrust! It’s a statement. Look at the certainty. Look at the conviction! ''He is giving the air his seed.''
** That said ''Titans'' DS isn’t free of its own issues; [[{{Waggle}} forced and sometimes broken touchscreen controls]], even worse audio quality than the last game, an inexplicable LaughTrack in the cutscenes, and Crash farting whenever he double-jumps.
--->'''Caddy:''' You know, because farts are just so funny. (farts up into the air and lands on his couch)
** Next up is ''Mind Over Mutant'' on DS, and at this point Caddy is mystified to how two of Crash’s lesser games got so many handheld ports.
--->'''Caddy:''' Who was buying these? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Was it you?]] ''[[TakeThatAudience Well then, screw you!]]''
** Actually, the DS version of [=MoM=] starts out promising enough, as it looks like a classic 2D Crash platformer like on the GBA, where you can break boxes and do moves like the Death Tornado Spin Glide, [[TemptingFate all with out relying on monster possess-]]
--->'''[[Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir Geoffrey Butler]]:''' You swindled me!
** Alas, it’s still the same formula of beating up enemies and jacking monsters you all know and… know, except on a more restrictive 2D plane where you can’t avoid most of the attacks thrown at you.
--->'''crash fucking died'''
** Caddy also does an [[https://youtu.be/N-AF_U98pYw?t=2331 American accent]] while reviewing [=MoM=] [=DS=], which hilariously falls into an audio version of the UncannyValley.
--->'''Caddy:''' Gosh, this really is the worst version of the ''Titans'' and ''Mutant'' formula that you can play!
** Also Aku Aku never shuts up, and his endless repeating of “Crash!” gets on Caddy’s nerves to the point where he accidentally spits out his retainer.
** "Hahahaha… haha-haha… hahaha… oh… I’ve got leporsy!"
** Caddy is now considerably annoyed that he’s talked about ''Titans'' and ''Mind Over Mutant'' more than the actually good Crash games, and wants to move on to something else.
--->'''Caddy:''' What’s next? (a hand from offscreen hands him the next game) Ah, thank you, child sweatshop factory worker! Your check for three pennies will be on floor next to- (it’s ''Titans'' on the GBA) I don’t want to live anymore. (rams his head onto a table)
** “The story here is that Cortex is a baddie, Crash is a goodie, and you need to stop Cortex before he ''slithers into your '''bottom!'''”''
** [[RuleOfThree “You run around linear empty areas…”]]
** And like ''Mind Over Mutant'' on DS, it’s the same formula in a restrictive 2D plane. And Caddy could say more, but if he says anything out of order he might get demonetized.
** Aku Aku looks as fed up with all these ports as Caddy is. And has [[Franchise/TheMuppets Miss Piggy’s]] nose for some reason.
* The questionable character designs in ''Crash Boom Bang'', not helped by the 2006 DS graphics that somehow look worse than 2002 GBA graphics; Crash looks like if WebOriginal/JeffTheKiller became a kite, Coco has a hedge maze for a face, trees for ears, and oars for arms, and Pura is suddenly an UpliftedAnimal with human legs and short shorts.
-->'''Caddy:''' I haven’t been this disgusted since I last looked at my step-daughters.\\
([[CutawayGag cut to]] Caddy walking into Amy’s room)\\
'''Caddy:''' Hey, honey, have you seen my coat?\\
'''Amy:''' Don’t worry, Caddy, I found it!\\
'''Caddy:''' UUUUUGK! (leaves and slams the door shut)
* '''''"HEY, KIDS! I’M AKU AKU, AND I’M GONNA TIE YOU IN A SACK AND THROW YOU IN A RIVER!"'''''
* Caddy's minute-long MotorMouth [[https://youtu.be/N-AF_U98pYw?t=2672 explanation]] for the hilariously unintuitive gameplay of ''Crash Boom Bang Bing Bong Boo Bingly Bungly [[WesternAnimation/PeppaPig Boo]]:''
-->'''Caddy:''' (inhales) At the start of your turn, you only have a few seconds to make and perform every decision. If you want to roll the dice you have to press the touchscreen to skip the countdown, but if you want to use an item you have to open a separate menu in the touchscreen that obscures the map of the board, so you don't know if the item will be useful for you on the board because you can't see where anybody is. If you take too long deciding what item to use, your turn goes ahead without you having a say and the game goes on like normal, but if you aren't paying attention to the top screen you won't know where you are or the other players are because that's where the game's happening. Sometimes you'll come to a fork in the road so the game tells you to pick a direction to move, but in order to do that you need to use the d-pad to choose instead of the touchscreen [[DamnYouMuscleMemory which you've been using the whole time]] and by the way, make sure you use the touchscreen to open the map up when you use the d-pad because otherwise you won't know where you're going except in these parts where you can only pick one direction, so why are you giving me a choice? ''(Pinstripe is taken away on a boat)'' Oh okay, what's going on? Pinstripe is leaving. See you later, buddy! Get out of the game while you still can! ...So yeah, more often than not you'll land on spaces that take you to some other random part of the world, but [[GuideDangIt none of this is made clear to you]] and you won't have any idea where you or the rest of the players are since you disappear from the original map when this happens, and it gets even more confusing when someone uses an item that randomly changes the position of every player on the board. You collect points from minigames, but that's only if any minigames get triggered and the game can even end before the end of the 10-turn limit depending on how far ahead a player makes it across the board, but making it to the end is not the deciding factor on the winner, because ultimately it's who has the most points from the minigames, and they can be very difficult to win because the other players can distract you as many times as they want by spamming their own stickers on your screen, thus obscuring your view and causing you to lose. However, luckily, you can combat this by using your own stickers and throwing them on the other players, but the game also wants you to customize the stickers with the touchpad in the middle of the round in a separate touchscreen menu next to the map and the item menu when you've only got a few seconds to decide what items to use and what direction you want to go on the board, so what ends up happening is you're trying to make your own sticker but then your move happens automatically and you don't have a clue where you are or where anyone else is, and you think that making stickers is easy with the touchscreen but it isn't because in order to customize the default sticker you can't just drag and drop whatever you want from any menu; you need to go to the correct submenu with the item of the sticker you want to bin in order to move that individual item to the bin, so you have to go through a million different submenus and guess what the correct category is for each item on the canvas you want to replace, and then after all of that you have to go back to the other submenu that you went to in order to pick the thing that you want to drag and drop into it, so by the end this was all I was able to do because I couldn't figure out how to do anything better, and it perfectly sums up how I feel about this whole thing.\\
''(Caddy's sticker is of a disgusted Pinstripe with "GET FUCKED" written above him)''
* And the minigames weren't all that good either, probably on the same level as ''Crashtony Bashtony''.
** There's a game where you play ''Spot The Difference''.
** There's a game where you guess what number a baseball will be thrown at.
** There's a game where you guess where a person will appear from the floor and hope you can slowly walk over to them before the computer players, which is never.
** There's a game where you blow on the mic. Just... blow.
*** And in one of the many times Caddy played that minigame, the game won't pick up on Caddy's mic for no reason whatsoever.
-->'''Caddy:''' BLOW THE BALLOON UP, YOU BLASTED '''MEAT!'''
** "And it’s a shame it isn’t the 1920s, because Mumps isn’t doing so well, here."
* "Roll up! Roll up! Come and get your pooey ticket for pooey cricket!"
* After going through what he considers to be the worst game in the series, Caddy finds the guy in the derpy Crash costume from earlier and approaches him, wanting to get back at him for having to play mostly not-so-good games, only for him to distract Caddy by handing him ''VideoGame/CrashOnTheRun''.
-->'''Caddy:''' On the run from who? The IRS?
* With how long he’s had to put up with these games, a simple stuck-in-the-floor glitch should be manageable, [[TemptingFate right]]?
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[Music/BlackSabbath People think I’m insane because I am frowning all the time!]]''
* The core gameplay of ''Cash Banooca Has the Runs'' is decent enough, but what really brings it down is the fact that [[BribingYourWayToVictory unless you spend money]], you’ll soon be forced to wait for hours at a time in order to go on endless collection runs to gather the ingredients needed to progress to the next level, not helped by the aforementioned floor glitches.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh gee, thanks, game, serves me right for walking on the normal, regular floor!
** There's also the fact that Caddy has ''more'' Platinum Time Trial Relics to collect.
* "'''[[AttentionDeficitOohShiny A]] Series/{{Loki|2021}} [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny Funko Pop!]]'''"
* "My advice is to treat ''Crash: On the Run!'' like fast food. It’s really lovely in small doses, but if you have too much of it, you’ll get gout. And then you’ll need to cut it off for your own health."
* There were actually two iOS Crash games before ''Crash: On the Run!'', namely ''Nitro Kart 3D'' and ''Nitro Kart 2''. Unfortunately, they were delisted ages ago and can’t even be emulated, but at least Caddy has a review from [=MacWorld=] to go by:
-->'''Pros:''' Nothing.\\
'''Cons:''' Nothing.\\
'''Verdict:''' Nothing.\\
'''Caddy:''' I guess that’s why they were taken down.
* After discussing the ''Crash'' games on iPhones, Caddy thinks he's all done... only to be interrupted by himself, who is inexplicibly in a blimp.
--> '''Blimp!Caddy''': Ahaha! Yes it's me, and I'm here to give you items that never helped anybody, just like the blimp!
--> '''Caddy''': ...I don't think you're right.
--> '''Blimp!Caddy''': Silence, wench, and take my next useless item! (''he makes a strange face before firing an UsefulNotes/NGage at Caddy from... [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything somewhere]]'')
--> '''Caddy''': (picks it up, looks at it, and turns to camera) ''[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee]]'' '''''[[LastNoteNightmare DOOO…]]'''''
* Yes, Caddy is taking a look at the N-Gage, Nokia’s infamous game console/phone/taco/spade-end/tiny man scale. And yes, you have to hold it like a conch shell to make calls, it isn’t just to be funny.
--> '''Caddy''': I can hear the sea…
* Caddy notices that the previous owner of the N-Gage he got off [=eBay=] left their SIM card in, and he proceeds to read the names on the contacts list in the goofiest ways possible.
* Of course there’s a Cash Banooca game to play on the N-Gage, said game being another port of ''Nitro Kart''. And since the new, unopened copy he got on [=eBay=] set him back over £100, he’s going to have be really careful with such a valuable item… and then he proceeds to effortlessly rip off the plastic and furiously scrub the case in the sink.
* As for the game itself, it’s actually on the same level as the GBA version, not only looking better graphically, but even featuring tracks that bend and go over hills.
--> '''Caddy''': [[HeelRealization And then you remember you’re playing on phone dialing buttons. (beat) And you can only see what’s directly in front of you. (beat)]] [[FromBadToWorse And the buttons are really massive and far apart like the goddamn]] UsefulNotes/{{Intellivision}}. (Caddy spins the control pad on the Intellivision around furiously) [[OverlyLongGag And the joypad is horribly stiff. (beat) And then you realize you spent a lot of money on these things. (beat) And you do a big messy.]]
* Caddy’s ImagineSpot of a hands-free N-Gage model.
* After that, it looks like Caddy is done with portable Crash games (again) and begins to wrap up the video… only to get a bunch of cell phones dumped on him. Yes, Caddy is even looking at Crash games on Java that were released on cell phones. And not the [=iPhones=] and Android phones of today. Games that were released on primitive bricky phones with ''keypads'' and all that.
* For the Java port of ''Nitro Kart'', Caddy chooses Crash on the basis of being the most normal looking; Cortex looks like a moldy banana, Coco looks like an angry young boy with a bleeding mouth, and Crunch resembles Franchise/WinnieThePooh for some reason.
* ''Nitro Kart'' on Java phones: a racing game where you chug along in dead silence trying to get speed boosts from '''''CONGEALED PITS OF BLOOD'''''.
* “Oh cool, an invincible Aku Aku mask power-up!” (it lasts for all of one second) “THE END.”
* Next is the Java version of ''Tag Team Racing'', titled simply ''Crash Racing''
-->'''Caddy''': Oh, praise Gordon the big engine, I can choose to turn sounds on? Yes please!\\
(the off-putting title screen music plays)\\
'''Caddy''': I change my mind, can I turn them off?
** The kicker? The game is almost entirely silent just like the last one.
---> '''Caddy''': What, pray tell, it the point of asking me if I want sounds, if the only sounds were on ''the goddamn first still image?!?''
* Caddy chooses Cortex because it looks like his hair could use a wash, but he quickly gets frustrated with the game (which is just a worse version of ''Nitro Kart'' on Java) and gives up before he can take Cortex to the hairdressers’.
* Caddy takes a look at the ''Crash Twinsanity'' Java port, which weirdly advertises the fact that it’s “also available on console”, as if to say the devs know the mobile version is inferior and want to convince people to buy the console version instead.
--> '''Caddy!Cortex:''' Hehehehe, you can’t afford the real one, Crash!\\
'''Caddy!Crash:''' '''''WOOOOOOOOOAAAAA-'''''
* Caddy discovers that jumping onto TNT crates not only instantly kills you, but also plays [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLVBHGBCBL0 this unfitting sound effect]] when you die.
--> '''Caddy''': Hey Olly, catch! (''tosses a ticking TNT crate to Olly'')
--> '''Olly''': Thanks... [[TooDumbToLive what is it]]?
--> (''SmashCut to Caddy standing outside the room smiling as the aforementioned death sound plays'')
** It then manages to freeze at the best possible moment: [[ExactWords being forced to wait for Cortex to clear a path forward]].
** “This game is poo on a plate. In fact, no, it’s not poo on a plate. Poo on a plate is better because at least you got something to eat!”
* While ''Nitro Kart'' was the first ''Crash'' game released on standard Java phones, the first ''Crash'' mobile phone game period was released a couple months earlier on a phone that was a bit different from everything else on the market at the time…
-->'''Kia Sorento:''' Oh man, you talking about me?\\
'''Caddy''': No, Kia!\\
'''Kia Sorento:''' Oh… I can be a phone if you let me! (slinks away) I wanna… just, go in your pocket and vibrate and ring…\\
(beat)\\
'''Caddy''': (holding up a Nokia 6630) [[StealthPun Nooookia.]]
* "They made a game that sticks out more than Billy from Philly with the great big... ''[[SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion nose]]."''
* Caddy is taken a bit back by ''Twinsanity 3D''’s ambition, using more advanced graphics to try and pull off a 3D corridor platformer, despite being on a brick phone with a d-pad that’s more useful for navigating menus.
-->'''Caddy''': At least we can say one thing for sure, though: it definitely has sound. In fact, maybe it has too much sound, because that menu music…\\
(another off-putting title screen music track plays)\\
'''Caddy''': (zoomed in on Cortex’s screaming face) …is one of the scariest things I’ve ever heard in my life.
** The dramatic reading of one of the game’s “cutscenes”.
--->'''Evil Twins:''' Cortex!\\
'''Cortex:''' ...!!! (UUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' You shall be DESTROYED!\\
'''Crash:''' ....? (Uuuuuueeeeeeeeeehhh?)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' And that bandicoot and his friends will be our slaves!\\
'''Crash:''' ...!!! (ominous keyboard music from Classic Nursery Rhymes VHS)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' Fear the wrath of... The Twins!\\
'''Cortex:''' Never! Not even if I have to team up with that blithering bandicoot to [[WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma stop Come]] on, you bumbling fool!\\
'''Crash:''' ....? (vomiting noise)
* Next up is ''Crash Nitro Kart 2'' on Java:
-->'''Caddy''': And yes, this is a sequel to ''Crash Nitro Kart 1'' Java. It’s not a sequel to the [=PS2=] version, or a sequel to the GBA version, or a sequel to the N-Gage special version even though that’s a mobile phone and it’s not the same thing as ''Crash Nitro Kart 2'' on [=iOS=] from 2010 even though that’s also a mobile phone my head is in pain please shoot me in it.
** Caddy decides to give congratulations for making a surprisingly decent mobile phone Crash kart port to the devs, Interactive Project 4 U, or for short, [[FunWithAcronyms IP4U.]]
---> '''Caddy in a sultry voice:''' (Close-up of a man with a [[DrearyHalfLiddedEyes peculiar expression]])'' [[FetishRetardant Oh, do you now?]]''
** They even managed to include Caddy’s favorite Crash catchphrase:
---> '''Crash (SuddenlyVoiced by Antdude):''' Use the Kart Jacking bonus to steal opponent’s karts! (beat) Hello, I’m Crash Bandicoot.
* Caddy thinks the video is ending on a positive note… only to be informed that not only is he ''still'' not done, but there’s '''''yet another port''''' of ''Crash of the Titans'' on Java, causing him to [[CallBack once again break out the whipped cream.]]
-->'''Caddy''': Oh… oh… oh… how much deeper can this rabbit hole go!? (furiously sprays whipped cream on himself)
* [[ARareSentence “By the way, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t for the life of me get past this giant boxing elephant.”]]
* “Are we done yet? No! Of course not! Why would we be done? Here’s a [=BlackBerry=]! Can you eat it? No. What does it taste like? (puts it in his mouth) Grease!”
* ''Mutant Island'' ends up being the best mobile phone platforming outing so far, even though it’s on a phone that should have juices inside but doesn’t, and for some reason has '''''[=P0H0MN0S=]!'''''
* “Woah, man, we’re getting so advanced and [=#=][[VideoGame/ModernWarfare MODERNWARFARE]], we got quick-time events now?”
-->(''Crash jumps across ledges with button presses in near-silence'')\\
'''Caddy''': I’m a very sad and lonely man.
* “Crash, a giant flying machine just took your sister, Coco! Smells like her FANNY!”
* "''And there’s'' '''''another''''' ''one!'' I tell ya, whoever decided it was ok to put a million different ''Crash'' games on a million different mobile phones that are really hard to find, ''I will hunt you down and get the'' '''''hooves''''' ''out!''
* Caddy had to go through utter hell to be able to play ''Crash Bandicoot [=ExEn=]'', having to find the phone able to run it (the Panasonic [=GD67=]), and track down both the emulator for the Execution Engine and the ROM file for the game itself.
-->'''Caddy''': (''narrating in a grizzled tone while dressed in a detective outfit and suddenly in a FilmNoir pastiche'') But I did it anyway, because you know me. I’m the Cash Banooca Big Big Bad Birthday Bashy Bingo Boy, and there’s no length I won’t go to in order to find a video game that Crash Bandicoot is hiding in.\\
(''Gratuitous shot of Caddy sucking a lollipop, then cut to him digging around his bushes to find the Panasonic [=GD67=]'')\\
After finding out about the game and the hardware it was released on, I simply couldn’t ignore it. But the digging I had to do to get inside it was deep and full of ssssssssssaaaaaaaaand.\\
(''coughs after accidentally ingesting some of said sand'')
* Finding the [=ExEn=] emulator wasn’t all that hard, but the finding the ROM file for the ''Crash'' game had Caddy going through a series of links that eventually lead him to a Chinese ROM site, with the ROM file buried in a million different discussion tabs, which was unfortunate because he doesn’t live on the moon.
* And after all that trouble, ''Crash [=ExEn=]'' was kind of worth it. Despite being extremely short, being completely silent, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and Uka Uka having a sick sense of humor on the Game Over screen]], Caddy declares it to be his favorite of the mobile phone games as it comes the closest to matching the ''Crash'' formula, being basically the style of the GBA games ported to a mobile phone.
-->'''Caddy''': Well done, ''Crash Bandicoot [=ExEn=]'', for being the only game so far I could squint at and say… “Yeah. This looks sort of like Crash. Maybe he looks more like a wrinkled cheesy poof.”
* Caddy briefly touches upon ''Crash Bandicoot Intuition'', an extremely rare ''Crash'' mobile game released only in Japan for a handful of handset models sold by [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NTT_Docomo NTT Docomo]], and even then is still impossible to emulate because it features motion controls (not that he wanted to play it in the first place, it being a sequel to ''Crash Boom Bang'' of all things). He then shows that he managed to get his hands on a Docomo handset of a different model, just in case there were any other Japan-exclusive games for it that could be featured in the video... but it doesn't work. After mentioning that even in this state, it's still a collector's item, he proceeds to snap it in half!
* At the very end of the video, Caddy expresses relief that he's done and starts wrapping things up... only for the Docomo phone to ring to the tune of the Humpty Dumpty song from the first nursery rhymes video (despite having been broken even before it was just snapped in half) [[YankTheDogsChain and the voice on the other end to inform Caddy]] [[FromBadToWorse that there's a mobile version of]] ''Crash Boom Bang''...
** Not only does it kick off with some horrid, messy horn music that horrifies Caddy, but the minigames are completely bare-bones and cheaply-made when they aren't being counterintuitive. He begins with a present box that moves for a couple of seconds before "GAME OVER" appears without anything else happening, and ends it with a game which looks like a test your strength affair to open a cage... but it turns out the first player to open the cage actually ''loses''.
--->'''Caddy:''' Crash Bandicoot is dead.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Demonic World of Disney [=PS1=] Games]]
* As per tradition, the opening of the video ties in with absolutely nothing and has completely no context put towards it. The premise here is that another Caddy has come to Caddy wondering why his shoes haven't texted him in a while, only to be shocked at the sight of Caddy grooming... his hair. After that misunderstanding is clumsily cleared up, Caddy demands the other Caddy to leave, but said other Caddy just happens to have 20 or so Disney [=PS1=] games on his person. Caddy ends up getting so excited he ends up accidentally swallowing his own eyeballs.
* Disney! Disney! Dig up! Disney! Oh no, don't do that. Uh... Disney! Disney! Defrost! Disney!
-->'''Walt Disney[[note]]Characterized as a miniature coffin full of ground beef with eyes, a mustache, two baby-doll arms, and shoes.[[/note]]:''' -boos put onto Mickey Mouse.
* In all seriousness, Disney has definitely made their mark on the world, who doesn't recognize those three round circles... Because there's other kinds of circles.
* Most of us can agree that Disney's classic lineup is, for the most part, bursting with quality. From ''[[WesternAnimation/SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfs Snow White]]'', all the way to... ''WesternAnimation/ChickenLittle''.
-->'''Caddy:''' They're all perfect. (Gangly Trousers Caddy emerges from Chicken Little's rear end) And you will never be.
* Disney started with a single 8-minute cartoon in 1928, and now they own '''THE ENTIIIIRE PLANET.'''
* As much as people love their movies, one thing about Disney doesn’t get discussed as much: their video games. And no, Caddy doesn’t just mean ''Franchise/KingdomHearts''.
--> "[[CallBack What about the power of]] '''''[[{{Mondegreen}} WANKING?!!]]'''''"
* As such, it would only make sense that since the [=PS1=] came out during the Disney renaissance, the Disney-related games for the system would be of the utmost quality. And even though Caddy has played a fair few of them before, he managed to find another 20 or so.
-->'''Caddy:''' Never played 'em before. (Drops the stack) And now I can't because I broke 'em all.
* From Caddy’s re-review of ''Lilo and Running Cramp: Trouble in Phil Collins'':
** Upon starting the game and getting to the main menu:
--->'''Lilo:''' Hey! How ya doin'?\\
'''Caddy (with an oversized mouth, five eyes and two noses):''' '''''I'VE BEEN BETTER!'''''
** The extras contain the famous teaser trailers for the movie with Stitch crashing other Disney movies, including the ''Aladdin'' one where Princess Jasmine honestly thinks about sleeping with a dog… [[BaitAndSwitchComparison and then thinks about sleeping with Stitch instead.]]
** Caddy as Reg Cheesy advertises a getaway to Huawei- er, Hawaii, but is shocked when he sees the game's graphics, particuarly Nani's character model.
--->'''Reg Cheesy:''' World famous for its beautiful volcanoes, luscious greenery, towering ocean waves [Nani's model appears on the screen] ...and... ffff... human fish.
** Lilo has an attack called "Bum Bash", which Caddy [[https://imgur.com/a/BGfoHzQ interprets differently]].
** Regarding the [[GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere golem bosses]]:
--->'''Caddy:''' It's a good thing I can beat them off with mah broom!
** Lilo uses voodoo of all things to defend herself from enemies, which gives her the greatest special attack of all time: summoning a giant pink man to sit on them.
* Stitch has a SpinAttack, just like [[VideoGame/SpyroTheDragon Rayman]]!
* For the ''My Disney Kitchen'' section of the video:
** Caddy notes that Minnie is the one doing all of the work on the game's cover. She's working the toaster, pouring the [[RunningGag miluk]], flipping the pancakes and mixing the batter, while Mickey just sits there like a gluttonous bigot waiting to be fed.
-->'''Caddy!Minnie:''' Oh, Mickey! Are you happy with your orange juice?
-->'''Caddy!Mickey:''' '''''MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!'''''
** What does it mean if your kitchen is a Disney kitchen? According to Caddy, it means having a tiny man dressed as Mickey Mouse jumping out from your cupboard to attack you.
** Before starting the game, Caddy is already wary since he left the game long enough for a demo to start up, with the first words he saw in said demo being "[[AccidentalInnuendo Heavy cream]]".
** Even better, when Caddy starts the game proper and locates the world-famous "heavy cream", he finds, to his disgust, that the tomato puree is right next to it.
-->'''Caddy:''' This is starting to sound like a bad time of the month.
** In the background there's a picture of Mickey that, due to the poor quality, [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything looks]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms very questionable.]]
** "This is ''my'' kitchen, AND IN ''MY'' DAMN KITCHEN '''WE BOIL THE SHIT OUT OF LASAGNA IN THE KETTLE!!'''"
** Mickey bursting into the kitchen with [[Creator/GordonRamsay Gordon Ramsay's]] infamous [[Memes/HellsKitchen "THE LAMB SAUCE!"]] edited in.
** Caddy's frustration at Mickey and Minnie not coming in to eat his [[LethalChef stewed concoction of]] [[CordonBleughChef spaghetti, an orange and a pickle with chocolate syrup]]. Caddy then declares that if they won't try his cooking, then he will... at which point Caddy is shown in live action with the same concoction in front of him... [[{{Squick}} which he then proceeds to actually eat!]] The crap the man does for entertainment...
--->'''Caddy:''' [[[OhCrap obviously perturbed]]] [[IWasJustJoking ...I-I I did- I didn't mean it. I do- I don't wa- I don't wanna t- I don't wanna try this...]] [deep breath] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck ...OK...]] [slowly picks up the orange and bites into it, peel and all] ...ogh, can't even ge- bite into the orange! Ugh! [bites into the pickle, then tears off some of the orange] Aghugh, ghoghegh the ghagheggi! [picks up the whole stack of (raw) spaghetti and bites it off, [[NauseaFuel the spaghetti audibly crunching as he does so]]. Caddy chews for a while, obviously fighting the urge to spit it out] Thaph iph... [spits slightly] Phaph's gooph enuff fhur Mickhy Mouph! [thumbs up with a revolted expression]
** Realizing that you have to plate your meals before serving them to Mickey and Minnie, Caddy finds himself unable to plate up his stewed horror, so resorts to putting a pickle in a bowl and calling it "[[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign Le Pickle Plattee]]"... which comes with a knife when you want to end it all. [[ShaggyDogStory Mickey and Minnie still won't eat it]].
** Caddy makes a burnt cake and sticks a picture of Donald's face on it, calling it "Donald's Dump"
--->'''Caddy!Mickey:''' Oh boy! Just wait until Donald hears about the time we ate his feces!
* The transtion from the My Disney Kitchen to the Spons section is morbidly hilarious:
-->'''Caddy''': Wait a second. Feces. Pooh. Winnie the pooh. (falls over in agony, clutching his chest and stomach for 20 seconds before stopping to catch his breath. Only for him to feel pain in his chest and belly again leading too..)
-->'''Caddy's Belly''': (lurching noise)
-->'''Caddy''':...But how will I cover the medical expenses?
-->'''Kite!Caddy''': ([[ChestBurster Bursts out of caddy's stomach witha bloodsplatter sound effect]]) HELLO! I'M SPONS!
-->'''Caddy''': (Lies motionless with BloodFromTheMouth, presumably dead)
-->'''Kite!Caddy''': HELLO?
-->'''Caddy''': (Still lies motionless and unresponsive)
-->(beat)
--> '''Kite!Caddy''': [[MoodWhiplash Have you ever heard of a game called]] ''VideoGame/GenshinImpact''?
* While Caddy is playing ''Disney's Winnie the Pooh Kindergarten'', Caddy suggests that rabbit might have had a drink.
* During his look at ''Disney Preschool: Winnie the Pooh''
-->'''Caddy:''' Let's head off to Pooh's house next! I walk in the front door, and...
-->'''*Pooh dreams up a stairway made out of clouds'''
-->'''Caddy:''' ...I end up in ''VideoGame/KingdomHeartsII''!
-->'''*Sora flies overhead, glancing at Pooh as a snippet of Sanctuary plays*'''
** After that minigame, he travels elsewhere:
-->'''Caddy:''' Let's check out Kanga's house instead!
-->'''Kanga:''' Roo and I were just making some alphabet soup!
-->'''Pooh *whilst looking towards the player*:''' Perhaps our friend can help with the helping, too!
-->'''Caddy:''' Please stop looking at me!
-->'''Pooh:''' Ooh... ooh... OOH... '''''*DEMONIC SCREECHING*'''''
* In the ''VideoGame/OneHundredAndTwoDalmatiansPuppiesToTheRescue'' segment:
** Caddy's reactions to the intro, namely the conversation between the dalmatian family:
--->'''Dottie:''' Oh, look, Dipstick!\\
'''Caddy:''' What did you just call me?\\
'''Dipstick:''' It's coming on the TV right now!\\
'''Caddy:''' What is? My dipstick?\\
'''Dottie:''' What can we do, darling?\\
'''Dipstick:''' I'll tell you what we can do!\\
'''Caddy!Dipstick:''' I'll grab Cruella and shove her in my [[OffModel triangular whistle-hole]]!
** I haven't seen a story told this well since the last season of... [[Series/{{Lost}} sLot]].
** The camera isn't fantastic in this game, given how closely it flies behind you when you jump or fall. So here's hoping you enjoy ''Secret Diaries of an Upskirt Dog Photographer''!
** Caddy is taken aback by the character swap animation (in which the camera does a 360 spin whilst the character changes)
--->'''Caddy:''' Just look at this, who thought this was a good idea? It's giving me bile duct leakage! *The scene then swaps to Caddy himself* In fact... no. I've changed my mind, this is the best idea I've ever seen. I think every single game-\\
'''*The camera suddenly does a 360 spin whilst zooming into Caddy, and zooming out to reveal WebVideo/SomeCallMeJohnny*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' - needs to make you throw up in the side of a shop window-\\
'''*The camera suddenly spins again, swapping back to Caddy*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' every time you change your mind, I mean-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' who needs $400 VR-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' when you can spend as little as-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' $20 to turn your [=PS1=]-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' from grey to beige-\\
-'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' with your own mouth!\\
** Caddy's reaction to Cruella De Vil on the cover art and her in-game model.
--->'''Caddy:''' This is the most revolting thing I've ever seen in my life. Is that Cruella De Vil or Michael Jackson?
--->'''Caddy:''' AAUGH! Oh my good god of grapes! I was wrong, that's not Michael Jackson, it's the Tin Man!
** Upon seeing an inflatable combat dummy of Horace:
--->'''Caddy:''' Hate. All I know is hate.
** "I am Sgt. [[{{Mondegreen}} TITS]]".
** When Caddy finally pauses the game because of the camera making him ill, the game states that it is "[[IncrediblyLamePun PAWSED]]". Caddy reacts by smiling and holding up an electronic sign that plays a triumphant note.
--->[[LamePunReaction FUCK OFF]]
* While talking about ''WesternAnimation/OneHundredAndOneDalmatiansIIPatchsLondonAdventure'':
** Curiously, even though ''Patch's London Adventure'' takes place in... well, London, it was never released in the UK. And the reason for that is because the Queen hated the [=PS1=] because she could never beat Devil in ''[[VideoGame/{{Tekken}} Tekken 2]]''.
--->'''The Queen:''' Heheheh I drive a car!\\
'''The Queen, whilst driving a car:''' '''OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!-'''
** Caddy goes mad trying to keep the titles for the ''101 Dalmatians'' franchise straight, which leads to...
--->'''Olly:''' Caddy, what are you doing?\\
'''Caddy:''' Waterboarding. *a dishcloth is slapped over Caddy's face while a small trickle of water is poured over him, with Caddy audibly giggling*
** Caddy thanks the game's developers for not releasing it in the UK, on account of them getting London all wrong. With people throwing shit at you for no reason, all the streets looking the same, the police chasing you down for no reason other than because they're bored... [[BaitAndSwitchComparison real London's worse than that!]]
* In the segment about ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaidII'':
** This game was one of the rarer, more expensive games in the video, so as such, Caddy has to be very careful with it- nah, he rips the plastic off the case, opens it and takes the disk out as violently as he can, slings it into his [=PlayStation=] and spikes said [=PlayStation=] across the floor.
** [[WaxingLyrical Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?]] Wouldn't you think they CUT OFF MY FEET?
** The RunningGag of the back of the box touting "Intuitive, non-violent gameplay", even though the latter claim is [[BlatantLies false advertising to the nth degree]]. It all starts out when Ariel is eaten by a shark (she gets spat out again, but this still ends the game in failure). Then Ariel has to rescue a drowning Prince Eric before getting into a boss battle against Ursula. THEN the game switches control to Melody, who has to periodically ''surface for air lest she drown''. But don't worry: [[ImplausibleDeniability no violence!]]
** *holding a doll of Ariel* "Hey Ariel, do you know what my favourite meal is? ''Fish and chips!''" *violently slams the doll onto a large plate of chips*
** When the boss battle against Ursula is complete, the day is saved, all thanks to the Little Mermaid with a big... [[{{Squick}} PEENY]].
** Morgana is apparently Caddy's great aunt.
* From the ''Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour'' section:
** The title is the worst that Caddy's ever seen since ''Golf Magazine Presents: 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples''.
** "*{{Gasp}}* But I'M French! Ah-ha, [[Music/BonJovi bon]] [[{{Pun}} jovi]]!"
** Caddy sees the utterly nightmarish Jiminy Cricket FMV [[https://youtu.be/upSSAtltj1s?t=2047 and reacts appropriately]].
--->'''Caddy Cricket:''' Hello, there! Ricket's the name! *{{Beat}}* I've got rickets!
* Caddy discusses ''Disney's Story Studio: Mulan'':
** Caddy decides to set his name to "Bra".
--->'''Caddy:''' I dunno, what do you want from me?
** "Come here to Jasper and '''CLIMB IN HIS SACK'''"
** This was the only game of its series to be ported to the [=PS1=]. Does that mean it's the best one?
-->'''Man:''' I have a pair of leggings.\\
'''Caddy:''' What do you think?
** While Caddy is clicking idly, [[ItMakesSenseInContext he's apparently sending a bunch of pre-arranged wives to a miserable future]].
** This bit:
--->'''Caddy:''' Family: Where you kiss your mom and your dad (beat) but we wish Granny would just die already.
** Speaking of Mulan's Grandma, Caddy compares her to a bulldog chewing on a wasp when she's angry.
** When Caddy is explaining things to do in the game.
--->'''Caddy:'''You can make Mushu laugh.
--->'''Mushu gives off a horrible laugh'''
--->'''Caddy:''' But don't make Mushu laugh.
** At least this game has the best Disney song of all time.
--->'''Caddy:''' Dah, j-j-j-j, dah, jigga jigga jah jigga j-j, BE A MINGE!
* From the section on ''VideoGame/AtlantisTheLostEmpire'':
** The introduction:
---> *door knocks*\\
'''Caddy:''' [[WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit Oh. There's someone at the door, Gromit. I wonder who that could be.]]\\
'''[[Anime/DragonBallZ Caddy!Goku]]:''' Hello.\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh my god, it's [[Webcomic/{{Sonichu}} Chris Chan]]!\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' I'm Guh-koo!\\
'''Caddy:''' Wow! The real one from Disney?\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' [[TakeThat It's only a matter of time.]]\\
'''Caddy:''' What are you doing here, you old bastud?\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' Cammy hammy huh! (firmly plants his foot upon Caddy's forehead)\\
'''Caddy:''' (sniffs) I can smell Atlantis: The Lost Empire in there! (casually removes Caddy!Goku's entire foot and digs around inside his leg, pulling out Atlantis: The Lost Empire on [=PS1=] with an excited noise.)
** Caddy is not impressed with the tutorial involving you mimicking the actions of Preston Whitmore.
--->'''Caddy!Preston:''' Hey! Can you jump like me? HUP-! *Preston lands with a loud crack* *beat* Aaaeeehhh...!
* On the ''Franchise/PeterPan'' games:
** When discussing the "The Boy Who Never Grew Up" slogan when introducing ''Peter Pan: Adventures in Never Land'':
--->'''Caddy:''' Yeah, I'm pretty sure [[BlackComedy that was just the legal defense of]] Music/GaryGlitter!
** This bit:
--->'''Caddy:''' This game has made me so upset that I could... listen to Music/JamesBlunt!
--->''Cut to Caddy crying while "You're Beautiful" plays in the background. Has an abrupt realization that he instead has the music video for "Wisemen" on, moving his finger to the screen to make it read "semen", [[ActuallyPrettyFunny and then snickers]].''
** Caddy destroying ''Peter Pan: Return to Neverland'' with hedgetrimmers with a demented SlasherSmile after realizing what a ''literal'' waste of money it was[[note]]It was literally the exact same game as the one he ''just'' looked at![[/note]].
** Speaking of, he encounters a boss this time around.
--->'''Boss (swaying back and forth and waving his arms around):''' You think you can beat me?
--->'''Caddy (imitating his movement and not moving his mouth):''' [[BluntYes Yes, I think I can.]]
* In the intro to ''VideoGame/TheEmperorsNewGroove'', Cerys hands Caddy the game, and he remarks that they couldn't be any more on the same wavelength:
-->'''Caddy:''' We know each other so well that we even finish each other's...\\
* beat*\\
'''Cerys:''' ...what?
* The ''[[VideoGame/MickeyMania Mickey's Wild Adventure]]'' segment:
** The segue into it has the case fly in from offscreen and smack Caddy in the face.
--->[[EyeScream the case hit me in my eye and I nearly cried]]
** Caddy talks about the game's difficulty, and how it starts out with the first level, ''WesternAnimation/SteamboatWillie'':
--->'''Caddy (with a boat toy on his crotch):''' And it's ''nothing'' to be ashamed of!
** "Mickey! Get up there you stupid BRATWURST!"
* A lot of the ''Goofy’s Funhouse'' segment qualifies. For example:
** This bit:
--->'''Goofy:''' I sure do have a lot of books!\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' It's just a shame I can't read! [[SignatureLaugh A-hee-hyuck!]]
** "Yesss! I did a win-win!"
** The game itself getting the nickname “Goofy’s Hellhouse”.
** Caddy describing the muscular poster in Max’s room as “Steroid Abuse”.
** Goofy's deadpan "Burrrr" as he opens the fridge.
** The whole segment about the phone quiz.
--->'''Goofy:''' Where do you wear a golfing hat?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. Legs.\\
* wrong answer*\\
'''Caddy (with a golf hat on his raised knee):''' How dare you!\\
'''Goofy:''' What do you hit a golf ball with?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. Golf cart.\\
* wrong answer*\\
'''Caddy (on a golf course holding a golf cart like he would a club):''' How dare you!\\
'''Goofy:''' What room in a house is for sleeping in?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. The bathroom.\\
* [[RuleOfThree wrong answer]]*\\
'''Caddy (over footage of Goofy traversing a flooded basement):''' Hmph, well you've clearly never had a heavy night before. Even though you definitely have.
** "Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and BASH ONE OUT! A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!"
** This TakeThat at conservative parents in the original release.
--->'''Caddy:''' You know what? Max isn't home! So, I wanna snoop around my son's bedroom; nothing will go wrong there! ''(sees poster)'' Oh, well... C-Come on, Goofy. [[TransparentCloset He was gonna tell you when the time was right.]]\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Maxy! [[HeteronormativeCrusader We don't want any]] ''[[HeteronormativeCrusader queers]]'' [[HeteronormativeCrusader in this house!]]\\
'''Caddy:''' Okay, Goofy. Well, [[ShutUpHannibal now we know you're already a bigot]], so I don't think you should watch that film reel hiding under your son's bed.
* When he reviews ''Dancing Stage: Disney Mix'':
** It's DDR! Disney Disney ROIGHT?!
** We're treated to Caddy cosplaying as Goofy dancing to the game on a licensed [=PlayStation=] dance mat called the [=ThrustMaster=]. Then this happens:
--->'''Caddy''': What’s that? You’re not interested in any of these songs? Then how about It’s A Small World? DUCKING HARDCORE MIX! (Cut to sped-up, rainbow-filtered footage of Caddy dressed up as Mickey Mouse dancing with the remixed song the background.)
** Caddy is happy that ''Dancing Stage: Disney Mix'' managed to close things off on a high note. Or as it's called in Japan, Disney's '''RAAAAAAAAAVE!!!'''
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Forbidden World of BANNED Games]]
* The episode starts with a security camera feed of Caddy's house, culminating with him [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext caressing a slimy box]] [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial that is definitely not his collection of banned video games]] [[FunWithHomophones like]] ''VideoGame/RockBand''.
* Caddy knows the ''best'' [[NukeEm way]] to appeal to MoralGuardians.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh, shit! The kids are still here! ''Amy?!''\\
'''Amy:''' What?\\
'''Caddy:''' Look under your bed!\\
'''Amy:''' Why?\\
'''Caddy:''' I got you a present!\\
'''Amy:''' ''(rummages around)'' Wow, thanks! What's in this box? ''(Caddy presses remote control; [[WouldHurtAChild explosion]])''\\
'''Caddy:''' [[ComedicSociopathy Okay, we're safe.]]
* If you're looking for a video game franchise that gets the most flack for controversy, look no further than ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'', a series of games that are known for getting censored or even banned in certain countries for their unabashed portrayal of touchy subjects like racism, law, drugs, societal instability, and [[SarcasmMode everyone's favorite]] '''''[[EarRape SSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!]]'''''[[note]] "And no, I'm not just talking about the Hot Coffee mod, although [a picture of the Hot Coffee mod] is making my hot coffee go cold."[[/note]]
* Did you know that ''VideoGame/{{Roblox}}'' was banned in Guatemala for violating children's online safety or that ''VideoGame/HalfLife2'' was banned in Greece for its dystopian setting?
-->'''Caddy:''' What is this? Literature/NineteenEightyFour? ''(chuckles hysterically)'' See? [[GeniusBonus I DID]] [[LampshadeHanging A JOKE!]]
%%** And if you really want to find a country that bans more video games than China, look no further than Germany! Better hide that papercut or you'll get banned for excessive violence!
* It's time for another sponsor, courtesy of ''Mech Arena''. One of the things in the care package is a t-shirt, and what does Caddy do with it?
-->'''Kite!Caddy:''' ''(wearing the shirt)'' Gee, thanks, dad!\\
'''Caddy:''' Tch! Any time, Spons; [[ExplainExplainOhCrap did you just call me "dad"]]?
** Also, Spons gets legs!
* As he covers ''VideoGame/Manhunt2'':
** Apparently, the [[{{Manchild}} kids]] are still here.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(picks up phone)'' Hello?\\
'''Caddy's Mum:''' Hello, Jim!\\
'''Caddy:''' Can I play ''[[VideoGame/{{Manhunt}} Manhunt 2]]''?\\
'''Caddy's Mum:''' Yes, you can!\\
'''Caddy:''' Thanks, mum!
* Caddy's run-in with the {{FBI|Agent}}.
-->'''Agent:''' ''(knocks on door)'' FBI, open up!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu Nah, I'm good.]] ''(FBI agent pathetically kicks down door; sarcastically)'' Ahh, fffu-\\
'''Agent:''' Put your hands in the air!\\
'''Caddy:''' ''[[IResembleThatRemark (hands are already in the air)]]'' [[LampshadeHanging Yes, the-they are.]]\\
'''Agent:''' [[BlatantLies No!]]\\
'''Caddy:''' Sorry, [[FlatWhat what]]?\\
'''Agent:''' I'm very [[MoodWhiplash turned on]] right now!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Wanna go out and try this again?]]\\
'''Agent:''' ''(wiggles inflatable gun [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything like a dildo]]) [[TheImmodestOrgasm Uuuuuhhhhh~]]''\\
'''Caddy:''' Wait, the FBI aren't even [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall in the script]]...\\
'''Agent:''' Say another word, and I'll ''shoot''!\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh! What is this?! A ''[[IncrediblyLamePun Manhunt]]''?! ''(gets shot)''\\
'''Agent:''' Do you have a banned copy of ''Manhunt 2''?!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[UnexplainedRecovery Yes, I do!]]\\
'''Agent:''' ''(lowers gun)'' [[NotSoAboveItAll Oh, sweet! Can I play it?]]\\
'''Caddy:''' ''(points) A-haaa!'' C'mere, you! ''(shake-hugging the FBI agent)''\\
'''Singer:''' ''♪This is the way the farmer rides, come on, come on-♪''
* Jingoism or LikesOlderWomen? ...Either or.
-->'''Caddy:''' I don't want to rule out Australia ''entirely'', though, so let's take a look at a few games they've banned. I mean, after all, we ''do'' share [[UsefulNotes/HMTheQueen a Queen]]. ''({{beat}}; violently twitches; points at himself)'' '''''[[{{Yandere}} SSHHEEE'S MIIIIINNNE.]]'''''
* During the ''[[VideoGame/{{Postal}} Postal 2]]'' segment, Caddy is clearly enjoying himself as he shows off how utterly ridiculous the game is:
** What baffles Caddy is that the UK weren't OK with the unaltered releases of ''Carmageddon'' and ''The Punisher'', and still aren't OK with the unaltered ''Manhunt 2''... but ''Postal 2''?! Shove that shit on the shelves, after all, it only has violence and drugs in it! [[TemptingFate It's not like we get our wangs out!]]
** Caddy sums up the game... very, very succinctly.
--->'''Caddy:''' But what IS ''Postal 2'', I hear you ask? Well, have you ever woken up one day and thought 'Oh! I want to steal the neighbour's cat, [[AssShove shove its arsehole]] [[BlackComedyAnimalCruelty on the end of a gun]] and shoot cowboys in the head THROUGH the cat's arsehole before heading off to do the laundry.'?
** Postal 2: Ever had one of those days?
--->'''Caddy (dressed up as a [[{{Pun}} postbox]]):''' Yes. Every day.
** So how old do you have to be to play this game? ''18!'' '''18!''' ''18!'' '''18!''' '''''FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T PLAY THIS IF YOU AREN'T 18!'''''
--->'''Caddy:''' Well. I'm 27. [{{Beat}}] *slowly raises a wagging [[FlippingTheBird middle finger]]*
** Uuugh! Wee! Our game can't have wee in it! Ban it right now! DOGS DON'T WEE IN REAL LIFE!
** Caddy is failing to see the controversy in the game, but is curious why a man is walking into a condemned building.
--->'''Man (not even a foot away from the door):''' Get the hell outta here, you lunatic! (runs out of the building) Ahhhh!\\
'''Caddy (staring in perplexion):''' ...ohhhhhh.
** Caddy does have to concede that the [[MoralGuardians protestors outside the video game office]] do make some good points. Such as [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext BOTTOM]].
** Caddy isn't at the office to kill [[BlatantLies innocent people with a right to protest]], he's here to shoot people who insult him.
---> '''RWS Employee (flipping the bird):''' How 'bout some of this?! *single shot from an assault rifle to the head* What?
** *holding a picket sign* Oh! Hello there, [[WesternAnimation/NoddysToylandAdventures PC Plod]]! Nothing to see here, I was just protesting, and then I thought I'd '''''[[SuddenlyShouting FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!]]''''' (whacks the officer with the sign)
** It's not long before [[EverythingTryingToKillYou everyone and their mother is out to get Caddy]], so he decides to run away, hide in a tunnel [[BreadEggsMilkSquick set a load of homeless people on fire]].
** The Postal Dude then gets ignited, which not only leads Caddy to dance enthusiastically to the his grunts of pain, but to laugh when the Dude dies in silence with a hilariously pathetic-looking flop to the ground in front of a random civilian.
--->'''Civilian:''' Freak. *[[DesecratingTheDead kicks the corpse]]*
** In panic after his dog killed another dog- er, a police officer, Caddy tries a bunch of different keys on his keyboard, resulting in him stumbling across one of the game's more... [[UrineTrouble infamous features]].
--->'''Caddy:''' Did I... did I just unzip my flies?\\
* weapon icon shifts to a zipper with the appropriate sound effect*\\
* Caddy slowly looks into the camera with a strange expression*\\
'''Postal Dude (pissing on the officer's corpse):''' That's the ticket...\\
'''Caddy:''' *JawDrop*\\
'''Other Officer:''' *whacks Dude with a nightstick* Zip up your pants!\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh, can it, lady! You can't tell me what to do! *starts pissing on the other officer* Here! Take that! *officer stops, wiping her eyes* Yeah-heh-heh-heah! Rub it right in! It's good for your skin! *now going absolutely ballistic with the incredibly-long piss stream* Rrrr-hrr-hrr-hrr-'''HRRRR'''-hrr-hrr-hrr! *laughing* How much urine does this guy have?! It's just a neverending torrent of piss! It won't stop!
** Caddy explains that you don't actually have to draw your weapon if you don't want to in ''Postal 2''. You're free to deal with the situation however you see fit. *[[KickTheDog randomly kicks a cat]]*
** In the grocery store, Caddy happens across a sign reading "EMPLOYEES ONLY! INFIDELS KEEP OUT!". Naturally, Caddy can't refuse an invitation like that and goes sniffing... [[RefugeInAudacity only to be quickly shot at by a squadron of ululating women in veils]].
--->'''Caddy ([[FacePalm double facepalming]]):''' ...look. I get that this is horrible. And offensive. I know that... BUT IT'S SO DAMN STUPID! How could you not love this, Australia?!
** Caddy demonstrates the game's... questionable water physics in a river by pissing in it and the river going absolutely berserk, with [[OminousLatinChanting O Fortuna]] playing over it for good measure.
** Since Caddy can't get anyone to sign his petition, [[DisproportionateRetribution he sets the marching band on fire]].
* Caddy goes over ''The Guy Game'':
** Caddy putting the [[LiteralMinded "guy"]] in ''The Guy Game''.
--->'''Caddy:''' But, don't worry. If you get a question wrong, you don't need to expose ''anything''. ''[[OffscreenInertia (is suddenly shirtless)]]'' Well, you coulda [[FanDisservice told me earlier]]!
** Yeah, it's larger than [[TakeThat his nuclear bomb]].
--->'''Caddy:''' Oh, wow. ''(girl's name is Regan)'' I didn't know that UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan was a [[GagBoobs DD cup]].
** Then there's his reaction to the fact that, when you move the Flash-O-Meter, it ejaculates.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after slamming his controller and hand on his leg, exasperated)'' '''''[[BigWhy WHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!]]'''''
** As a lead in to why the game got banned, he talks about the ages of the contestants (which, as a reminder, are taking part in what is essentially strip trivia), and showing their profiles as he goes through them until he gets to the last one...
--->'''Caddy:''' [[WhamLine Seven]][[BreadEggsMilkSquick teen]]-- ''(on a black screen with nothing but the word [[NoJustNoReaction no]] on it; [[StunnedSilence cut to a stunned Caddy holding up 7 fingers]])''
** Caddy then declares that the game must be destroyed. Not only because it features "illegal boob", but more importantly, the game doesn't match with his [=PS2=] shelf! Cut to him in a robe and setting the game on fire, all while making the sign of the cross.
* To round the video off, Caddy looks at one more game: ''Sex Vixens From Space'':
** Caddy may be the only person in the UK who owns a physical copy of the game. And what did the game come on? [[{{Pun}} Floppies!]]
** Due to his ROM's CopyProtection prompt staying on the screen for less than two seconds, Caddy has difficulty actually starting the game up.
--->1> hello\\
[[AC:object not found]]
--->1> where's the nakey\\
[[AC:object not found]]
** After taking a TryEverything approach, Caddy finally gets the game working... and the first thing he sees is some [[OffModel incredibly ugly and messy pixel art]].
--->*[[{{Beat}} long beat]]*\\
'''Caddy''': ''WOOOOOOOOOOO!!''
** The first thing you see after the story is your ship, named Big Thruster. Three guesses what it's shaped like...
--->'''Caddy:''' I wonder why they call it that?!
** In this game, [[YouCantGetYeFlask you have to type very specific instructions for what to do]]. And no, you can't just click on stuff, and the game doesn't really explain much of anything, so good luck and have a nice thrust.
--->'''Caddy (near to crying):''' Why is this so complicated?! I just wanna see some big [[UnusualEuphemism moo-moo milkers!]]
** Since Caddy can't figure anything out and a walkthrough's barrage of instructions puts him right off, he just looks the rest of the game up online to see just why the UK banned it and why they hated it so much... only to see a rather crude (censored) image of a naked woman on a bed with a [[{{Gonk}} badly-drawn face]].
--->'''Caddy:''' [[AntiClimax ...is that it?!]]
[[/folder]]
----
[[folder: The Horrible World of Kinect Games]]
* The setup for the video is that Caddy, after waking up on the couch after a day of living in his dumpster due to the previous year breaking him ([[RunningGag again]]), is offered a coffee by another Caddy who, through some miscommunication, gets offended and gives him a Kinect so he can shove it. [[{{Unishment}} Not that this bothers the original Caddy]] (at first).
--> '''Caddy:''' "I've got a Kinect and it smells quite old~!" (He smells the Kinect, and gags)
* Next to 2020, 2010 was not a good year in human history. BP being responsible for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, a kid getting falsely accused for shoplifting, Mel Gibson dropping numerous N-bombs, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and Microsoft releasing the Xbox Kinect.]]
* Controllers. What do you do with them? Hold them? Nah. With the Kinect, your body is now the controller!
--> '''Controller!Caddy:''' Please hold me...
* Due to [=YouTube=]'s copyright restrictions, Caddy can't play ''[[VideoGame/JustDance Michael Jackson: The Experience]]'' despite the good reception it got. Argueably, though, it was for the best since the Michael Jackson experience means [[BlackComedy spending half the game in court and the other half dangling children out the window]].
** For the latter case, [[CutawayGag Caddy actually dangles a (toy) baby on his window...]] right until it actually falls. [[BlackComedy Cut to the baby hitting his head on the trash bin.]]
-->'''Caddy:''' "Oh.... [[PrecisionFStrike shit.]]"
** Later on, he asks why the baby's penis looks like an avocado.
* Despite the flack that the Kinect got, it does have its merits. It can follow your movements. It can read which hand you use. It knows when you swipe and in what direction you swipe (most of the time). As for what it can do as a gaming console? What better way to demonstrate than with ''VideoGame/RavingRabbids''?!
** What's that? You don't know what Raving Rabbids are? Then I want to crawl inside your head and live there forever, alone and happy, not knowing anything about Rabbids.''
*** The [[https://i.imgur.com/lM3uQ2I.jpg image]] that accompanies the above quote.
** Long story short, Rabbids are Ubisoft's equivalent to [[Creator/IlluminationEntertainment the Minions]], right down to how much merch there is of them.
--> '''Caddy x5:''' (while holding Caddy Yootooz figurines) [[WebVideo/{{JonTron}} FINALLY, A CHARACTER FOR ME]]!
** Caddy claiming that an acid bath is the only place that a Rabbid belongs.
** After skipping the intro cutscene, he immediately gets an achievement.
-->'''Caddy''': But you don't get an achievement [[ItMakesSenseInContext for putting your hands up]]. [[BlackComedy You get shot!]]
** What's your reward for completing short and bland minigames? [[AccidentalInnuendo The game implying that Rabbids love shoving Barbies up where the sun don't shine.]]
** The entire "My Raving Rabbid" sequence.
*** The Rabbid ends up phasing into the couch, resulting in Caddy deciding to sit on it.
---->'''Caddy''': Oh, he liked that.
*** Caddy accidentally kicking the Rabbid offscreen.
*** Caddy not-so-accidentally kicking the Rabbid into the screen.
---->'''Caddy:''' (kneeling in front of the Rabbid) Say! What do you want to be when you grow up? An astronaut? Great! (WHAM)
*** This bit:
---->'''Game''': Hint: A little slap will surely make him change his mind.
---->'''Caddy''': Change his mind about ''what?'' Women's rights?
*** This;
---->'''Caddy''': (slaps rabbid) Ah, that's fun.
---->'''Caddy''': (slaps rabbid again) Ah, that's fun.
---->'''Caddy''': (slap doesn't register) ...this is shit.
* While playing Kinect Adventures, Caddy likens the feeling of getting the Kinect to actually work, to the second coming of Christ.
-->'''Caddy (as Jesus):''' And the first coming was already pretty good.
* Oddly enough, the launch titles for the Kinect actually work. You move a thing, your in-game avatar moves the thing you moved. [[{{Squick}} Including your]] [[OverlyLongGag thing]].
* ''Kinect Adventures'' gives you living statues which you can make bend over.
* For the next game, ''Get Fit with Mel B'', [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext Caddy Christ is put on a chopping board in Egypt]].
** The utter train wreck that is the game in general, especially when Caddy demonstrates the function where the game uses the camera to put you in a virtual environment (like a yacht). One problem: [[SpecialEffectFailure it doesn't work]], with problems including:
** The game thinks Jim's feet are in the middle of his legs, so it looks like he's phasing through the floor.
** There are a multitude of times where the game doesn't even recognize most of his body, leaving him a mostly invisible mess.
** When Stan comes by and jumps up onto Caddy's shoulders, the game actually pauses.
* "We're about to dive into some Dart-Throwin-Ring-Tossin-Egg-Flingin-[[EyeScream Eye-Gougin]]-Sausage-Lickin-Toe-Smellin-Green-Goblin-Victim-Blamin-[[{{Squick}} Placenta-Cookin]] [[JumpScare FUN!]]"
* "What use is a game all about aiming at targets when you're working with an aiming cursor that stays with you just as much AS [[DisappearedDad ANDY'S DAD]]?!"
* This bit:
-->'''Woody:''' Aim for the bullseye!
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh come on, Woody, your mouth didn't even say that, it was closer to...
-->'''Caddy!Woody:''' A-f'oo-oo-ooh, OOH!
* Kite!Caddy comes back with a vengeance as the new Spons!
** It gets funnier if you watch the Patreon version, which turns Kite Caddy's appearance into a BigLippedAlligatorMoment instead.
* While playing ''Kinect Rush:''
-->'''Caddy''': [[FreeRangeChildren Where are your parents]]? ''Is this Literature/LordOfTheFlies?''
* And then, without any smooth transition whatsoever, Caddy brings us ''Harry Potter'' for Kinect, where we get to see Hermione look slightly to the left, Ron kamikaze into Hogwarts, and Harry question why he didn't take his constipation pills.
* Caddy muses on what it would be like if students were selected with their Gamertags, with his letter starting out with "Dear [=CaddicarusTV=]".
-->'''Caddy-dore:''' Welcome to Hogwarts... [=MuffMuncher=]_69!
* The absolutely hideous results of the "take a photo of yourself to use as your player character's face" feature. Ignoring Caddy's gurning expression, not only is his face a different colour to the rest of his body, but Caddy's facial hair is very visible on his supposedly 11-year old character. Naturally, for the rest of the segment he insults the character every chance he gets:
-->Welcome to Hogwarts, where if we don't like your face, we rip it off and stick this one on it!
-->Ah-ha! Got it! The perfect wand for the perfect boy... with facial hair!
-->Well now I'm only left with one question. Did my parents send me off to Hogwarts because I'm magical, or because they didn't want to look at my face anymore?
--> Anyway, we now have our first boss battle against the troll in the bathroom, but there's just one problem. I don't know which one is the troll.
* In this cutscene:
-->'''Narrator''': Ron and Harry realize Hermione may be in danger, and go to the girl's toilets-
-->'''Caddy!Narrator''': ''[[AllMenArePerverts To look at them]].''
* During the troll fight, due to the wonky physics, Caddy's avatar breaks his knees and does the Charleston before getting smacked by the troll's club.
* Casting spells and facing off against the troll in the dungeon might be a bit wonky, but at least Quidditch is a fun time. You can fly on your broom, you can catch the GoldenSnitch, [[MakesSenseInContext you can even beat on minors going insanely fast at dangerous heights on broomsticks.]]
* This bit:
-->'''Narrator''': When Professor [=McGonagall=] sees Harry catch something in mid-air while on his broomstick...
-->'''Caddy!Narrator''': ''She gets moist.''
* "Ron, you're 11. Why do you [[VocalDissonance sound 36]]?"
* After quitting the game due to its [[AntiClimaxBoss final boss]], the video transitions to this skit:
-->'''Caddy''': (Gasp) Who's that at the top of the stairs? Is it J. K. Walking?
-->'''Caddy!Creator/JKRowling''': No. It's J. K. [[IncrediblyLamePun Rolling]].
-->(J. K. [[VisualPun rolls]] down the stairs)
* Caddy playing ''Hulk Hogan's: Main Event'' and being horrified by the game's artstyle.
** "What is that all over his body? Is he covered in Cheeto dust?"
** Caddy screaming over various [[NightmareFace Nightmare Faces]] from the game.
** FATQUAMAN
** Caddy's segue to ''Rise of Nightmares''.
-->'''Caddy:''' (upon seeing the [[NightmareFace character's face at a downward angle]]) You know what? I'm pretty sure I've seen that face before somewhere. (picks up the ''Rise of Nightmares'' game case and looks on the back to find the aforementioned face) Ahh, ''Rise of Nightmares.'' Nightmares. Makes sense.
* Speaking of which, moat of the Rise of Nightmares segment is hilarious.
** When Caddy is told that he's gonna die, he assumes otherwise and claims he's gonna keep opening doors.
-->'''Caddy''': Is this Rise of Nightmares or Opening of Doors?
** While complaining about the nausea-inducing camera:
-->"It's enough to make me ''[[WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit Wallace and]] Vomit."
** Caddy describes the combat as "The lumpiest lump I ever did lump".
** When explaining the reasons why the level skipping mechanic:
-->'''Caddy''': First of all, it's boring. Second of all, it means there's no point in playing in yourself. Thirdly, you can't explore. Fourthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't scary. *The music gets louder* Fifthly, Rise of Nightmares isn't good. Sixthly, Rise of Nightmares sucks...
* You know you've had one too many when your 10-year-old child is your designated driver. Just ask the father and son on the box art of ''Kinect Joy Ride.''
* When Caddy plays ''Series/SesameStreet TV,'' he goes to Elmo's World. However, the video of him keeps flashing.
-->'''Elmo''': Welcome to Elmo's World!
-->'''Caddy''': Welcome to Elmo's [[SensoryAbuse Seizure]]!
** "I'm a viavealoninist."
** Elmo and his 3 dancing crucifixes.
** The ending of the ''Sesame Street'' segment:
--->'''Puppet''': ''Sesame Street'' was brought to you today by... the letter of the day! "V"!\\
'''Caddy''': "V" for "Vai-sectomy"!
* The opening to the ''VideoGame/KinectDisneylandAdventures'' segment.
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': For only £149.99 and an additional £49.99...
-->'''Caddy''': I can finally afford to go?
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': No, you can pretend to go!
--> (Caddy's face falls flat)
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': You can pretend to go! ({{Beat}}) Pretend to go! (and another) Pretend to go-
** The whole thing ends up being a shitshow from start to finish. Before he can even go on any rides, Caddy is forced to do a load of agonisingly-boring busywork running back and forth from one character to another doing, as he puts it, Mickey Mouse's daily chores. And Caddy's irritation grows accordingly.
** And when it comes time to finally get on a ride, it only gets worse. He tries Big Thunder Mountain, and gets a minigame that involves pumping a hand cart... ''for three minutes straight without pause''. It was so bad that not only was poor Caddy utterly wiped for the rest of his recording session, and not only did the Kinect notice him struggling and advise him to take a break, but the mid-gameplay photos show Caddy in ''genuine pain from the sheer exertion''.
* Mickey Mouse writes Caddy a autograph, however, there's nothing on the paper.
--> '''Caddy:''' When did Mickey Mouse become a sociopath? [[Franchise/KingdomHearts Did he finally succumb to the darkness?]]
* "Gee! Thanks, Mickey ''Minger!"''
* The segue from the ''Kinect Disneyland Adventures'' segment to the ''Fighters Uncaged'' segment.
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': Whoa! You sound angy!
-->'''Caddy''': Yeah, I am! I am angy!
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': Well, why don't you punch someone?
-->'''Caddy''': You mean in real life?!
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': ({{Beat}}) Yeah.
-->'''Caddy''': You don't actually mean that, do you?
-->{beat}
-->'''Voiceover!Caddy''': No.
* After going though the vast majority of the Kinect's backlog, Caddy stats feeling worn out. But of course, no Kinect video is complete without... ''that'' one. The one that takes you to [[Franchise/StarWars a galaxy far, far away.]]
--> '''Caddy:''' Well, I wanted to end this video with right old BANG, so...
* That's right, folks. ''Kinect Star Wars,'' [[BlatantLies where you can play as all your favorite characters from the galaxy far, far away. Classic mainstays such as]] [[RememberTheNewGuy Ara Barotta, Zeetara Maan, Tren Alvar, Fenella Druce, and everyone's favorite, Dar Singe.]]
* Everyone loves Watto- [[VerbalBackspace er, I mean]] the lightsaber battles! The intensity, the intricacy, the constant risk of the other guy getting bisected by a beam of plasma that can cut through metal like butter. So how better to translate that into a motion control-based game than by [[SarcasmMode staggering the other guy with the Force and flailing around until the other guy falls to pieces, repeated ad nauseum]]?
* Apparently Caddy isn't impressed with [[Creator/TomKane the soundalike they got for Yoda]] in this game.
--> '''Caddy:''' That's the worst Yoda impression I've ever heard, it's not even close!\\
'''Yoda:''' Hmhmh! Say the same for you, we once did.\\
'''Caddy:''' (as Yoda) HELLO I'M YODA NICE TO MEET YOU IT IS
* This bit with the speeder bike segment:
--> '''Caddy:''' Hey, Yoda. Where do birds live?\\
'''Yoda:''' TREES!\\
'''Caddy:''' What's paper made from?\\
'''Yoda:''' TREES!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[ToneShift What in the Amazon Rainforest was cut down up to seven billion times last year and is a contributing factor to an environmental crisis?]]\\
(beat)\\
'''Yoda:''' [[BlackComedy TREES!]]
* "Standing still and airing out your pants" is not only a valid replacement for Soresu or Djem So or any other lightsaber form, but also [[GameBreaker the one hand movement that beats the whole of Duel of Fates]]. Caddy is very happy to demonstrate.
* Turns out despite how fun playing as a Rancor tearing up Mos Eisley sounds, it's quite dull. [[ItMakesSenseInContext “Who would have thought that genocide would be repetitive?”]]
* Admit it. [[JustHereForGodzilla There's only one reason and one reason alone]] why ''anyone'' in their right mind would want to add this great disturbance in the Force to their game collection. The Han Solo dance. Also, the Hollaback Girl parody, now called "Hologram Girl" with Oola as the front girl and with an album cover featuring Sebulba.
** Even though Caddy was expecting it, he still can't comprehend what he's seeing when the song starts. In the window displaying his movements, he can be seen clutching his head in disbelief.
** Unfortunately, Caddy can't dance so he can't enjoy this. Luckily, Cerys can and had the time of her life with the Han Solo dance.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Stupid World of Portable Crash Bandicoot Games]]
* The video begins with Caddy randomly falling from the ceiling with absolutely zero context.
--> '''Caddy:''' Uh oh, messy…
* Then he gets a letter telling him he’s been invited to the “creamery”. He’s super excited to go… then it turns out he misread it, and he’s actually been invited to the ''cemetery''. But hey, at least he was able to take his dad home in his cream-tasting pot.
--> '''Caddy:''' (pours out the contents of the pot) He died how he lived. (beat) Smelling of cream.
* After all that, Caddy is feeling depressed and declares that nothing can make him feel better… but then he remembers it’s June!
--> '''Caddy:''' ''THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, BANDICONTH IS BACK!''
** Which is especially hilarious since the video was uploaded on the 1st of July, just missing the actual Bandicoot Month.
* While it is undeniably very satisfying to carry game cases in your pocket next to your weaponry, portable gaming is equally amazing. As such, Cash Banooca is no stranger to portability, as clearly evidenced by the amazing Switch ports of the ''N. Sane Trilogy'' and ''CTR Nitro-Fueled''... or at least the latter would be if it weren't for the [[LoadsAndLoadsOfLoading disastrous loading times]].
* Caddy likes console and PC gaming as much as the Pope, but sometimes he prefers portable gaming, so that rather than dealing with the commitment of sitting down, starting the game up, and staying in the living room, you can instead [[DistinctionWithoutADifference sit down, start up the game, and stay in the living room]].
* Pride. Strength. Speed. Power. Grace. Take all these words that perfectly describe tigers, [[BaitAndSwitch throw them out the window]], and you have Tiger Electronics.
* Most people would naively assume that Crash started the portable business on the Game Boy Advance, but oh no, that honour would go to none other than good ol' Tiger Electronics.
** Granted, it may look like a clam, but that’s because this isn't a traditional LCD-based handheld, but rather an advanced dot-matrix system, complete with save states and digidigitized sound effects!
** “Oh my god, you can get two of them together and ''mount'' them for multiplayer? I’ve always wondered how oysters mate!”
** Not only that, but there were also cabinet-style LCD games made by, get this, "Manley Toy Quest".
-->'''Caddy:''' What "manley toys" are you questing for, Crash?
* Once again, Kite!Caddy takes on the role of Spons, but he quickly passes the baton to regular Caddy when he realizes he's going to be talking about charity while dressed as a kite.
* There’s also the LCD Crash games that were sold with [=McDonald=]’s Happy Meals, and they end up being as good as you would expect from free toys that came in a box with greasy food: boringly simplistic and irritating to the ears.
-->'''Caddy:''' Yes, essentially I spent money on a load of free toys that most kids threw in the bin, and all I have to show for it is a herd of geese.\\
(the games suddenly spring to life, hopping around and beeping incessantly)
** At least one of the covers give us the glorious sight of Dr. Neo Cortex in a disco suit.
--->'''Caddy!Cortex:''' ''[[Music/TheBeeGees AH! AH! AH! AH! BANDICOOT! BANDICOOT!]]''
** When Caddy learns of the existence of these games, he pauses for a moment, before cutting to him showering himself with gasoline.
--->'''Caddy:''' *strikes a match* [[DrivenToSuicide Goodbye]].
* When discussing the various locations one could play portable games in, Caddy somehow manages to get "bath" and "toilet" confused. Then he, in the bath, looks downwards.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oops.
* ''Crash Bandicoot: Xylophone Saxophone'' is a fantastic game, but it wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included '''''SCHRUMPFALARM AUF DER ERDE!'''''
* He still thinks the plot is pretty lackluster, most notably that Cortex has shrunken the planet down to the size of a beef tomato, yet does nothing but hold it until Crash shows up to stop him.
-->'''Caddy:''' (holding a tomato) Cortex. Mate. (squishes the tomato, causing its juices to splash onto him) Squish. (licks the tomato) Crash Bandicoot’s out of date.
* Meanwhile, the sequel also wouldn't be anything if it hadn't included... ''that guy.''
-->'''Caddy:''' [[Music/TheBeatles Here comes my son, doo doo doo doo, here comes my son, and I say, he's an egg.]]
* Indeed, ''N-Tranced'' is the perfect living, breathing example of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
--> '''Caddy:''' What? I didn’t say “living and breathing”, what are you talking about?\\
(cut to the ''N-Tranced'' cartridge [[LiteralMetaphor creepily breathing and wheezing]])
* “The story here is that N. Tropy is very cross with Crash Bandicoot, and he’s so cross that he lays an egg.”
* The boss fight with Caddy's aforementioned son, N. Trance himself, isn’t exactly that hard for Caddy nowadays, but was much more so when he was younger, owning to him being intimidated by N. Trance’s design and losing focus. Especially a particularly uncanny face he makes in the second part.
--> '''Caddy:''' Lets play a game: “What Kind of Eye Infection Does He Have?” Conjunctivitis? Cellulitis? Uveitis? (beat) Uh… seeing a doctor? (Caddy pops up with an extremely distorted left eye) I knew there was something wrong with my last check-up!
* Unless you’re using them where they’re required, two of ''N-Tranced''’s power-ups are more of a hinderance than a help.
--> '''Caddy:''' First off, there’s a Super Slide, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion), and after that is the Rocket Jump, which looks cool, but mostly just fires you right into your death like (Goofy scream, explosion).
* The hilariously contrived transition from ''N-Tranced'' into the GBA port of ''Nitro Kart''.
--> '''Caddy:''' Plus, whenever you use the Rocket Jump, Crash’s model looks like a weasel that just got run over. (beat) And he was probably run over by himself. When he was in a go-kart. On ''Crash Nitro Kart'' in the Gammme ''Boy''.
* As for this port of ''Nitro Kart'' itself, it's a good time, if a bit boring. It even has compressed sound effects!
-->'''N. Gin:''' FUNNEE ROAD!
-->'''Cortex:''' The Racist Pie.
-->'''Tiny Tiger:''' TINY KNOCK YOU UP!!!
* As it turns out, [[WebVideo/ScottTheWoz Scott Wozniak's]] blue border [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext is made up of Crash's shorts.]]
** Caddy threatened to reveal this if Scott didn’t give him the next game, only to do it anyways. But Scott manages to get the last laugh because the next game turned out to be ''Crash Purple'', the sister game to the dreadful ''Spyro Orange''.
** Also this exchange:
--->'''Scott:''' Why? Why are you asking me about Crash Bandicoot?
--->'''Caddy:''' I dunno, because… you look like him?
--->(cut to Scott’s head superimposed over Crash’s body)
--->'''Scott:''' '''''[[BigWhat WHAT?!]]'''''
* Here's an anecdote for the ages. One day in mid-2004, a horde of kids flooded the gates of congress demanding Crash and Spyro have a crossover. Then when they got it, it turned out to be extremely disappointing, and when those disappointed kids grew up 16 years later, well... [[CrossesTheLineTwice you can fill in the gaps.]]
* Crash and Spyro finally meet of the first time in gaming history… and immediately start throwing Molotov cocktails at each other.
* ''Crash Purple'' at least has more variety in the minigames than ''Spyro Orange'', whether you’re breaking all the boxes you can, skimming across water on a motorized lemon, [[Film/FallingDown falling down like Michael Doo-glaus]], driving a tank a lá ''Crashley Bashley'', murdering all the baby animals with a bazooka, and flying a jetpack with a single button a decade before ''VideoGame/FlappyBird'' made it cool.
* Turns out there’s yet another Crash GBA game (the rhythm mini-game ''Crash Party'') that’s a secret like Music/BillyIdol’s real name… William Idealistic.
** Speaking of which, how did ''Crash Party'' turn out overall?
--->'''Caddy:''' (zoom-in on N. Trance's eye) ...It’s horrible.
--->'''Crash:''' (air humping) [[Franchise/ScoobyDoo RRREE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!]]
* Caddy finishes up with the GBA and is about to move on to the [=PlayStation Portable=]… except there's ANOTHER secret Crash GBA game, ''Crash Bandicoot Blast'', except this one is ''invisible''!
** Actually that’s because ''Blast'' is an extra that’s only available if you connect your GBA to the [=GameCube=] version of ''The Wrath of Cortex'', and the copy he found on [=eBay=] came with a note from “[=SpritesX6 Vintage=]”, hoping that their favorite game of all time will cheer him up after his notorious PC issues recently.
--->'''Caddy:''' Thank you, [=SpritesX6 Vintage=], say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Vintage for me and tell them that “[=SpritesX6=]” is a shit name for their child.
** And what do you get for going out of your way to spend up to $370 in 2002 money to get all the components necessary to play this one game? An extremely barebones shooting gallery that lasts for all of a minute before you get an ad for ''Crash XS'', except that even in the UK it’s referred to by its American title, ''The Huge Adventure'', likely confusing any UK children who then went frantically searching for a game that technically didn’t exist.
--->'''Caddy:''' [=SpritesX6=], you are ''NOT'' my mate!
* Caddy unfavorably compares ''Blast'' to gangrene, because at least gangrene came out a long time ago and is still going strong today. Which is also still more than can be said for the PSP.
* Surprisingly enough, despite owning some good games for it,[[note]]the games, in particular, being ''[[VideoGame/{{Tekken}} Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection]]'', ''[[VideoGame/KatamariDamacy Me & My Katamari]]'', ''VideoGame/LocoRoco'', ''[[VideoGame/MidnightClub Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition]]'', ''VideoGame/MetalGearSolidPeaceWalker'', ''VideoGame/TestDriveUnlimited'', ''[[VideoGame/TonyHawksUnderGround Tony's Hawk's Underground 2 Remix]]'', ''[[VideoGame/{{Wipeout}} Wipeout Pure]]'' & ''VideoGame/{{Patapon}}''[[/note]] Caddy never played a Crash game on the ''[=PooSP=]'' before, despite it being the portable system he spent the most time on growing up, even dabbling in a bit of, well…
-->'''''[[Series/LazyTown DO WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE A PIRATE-]]'''''
* Caddy prefers the nearly identical PSP port of ''Tag Team Racing'' to the console version despite a couple of downgrades. The only problem? He didn’t find ''Tag Team Racing'' to even be that good in the first place.
-->'''Caddy:''' It’s like being forced to wear a dirty and smelly t-shirt that reads “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” on it. You can wash the bad smell away… but you’re still being forced to wear it. But you know what you can’t wear? (beat) Video games. And ''Crash of the Titans'' on the PSP is one of them.
** Also the fact that Caddy went out of his way to find (or print) an actual “I Use Crowded Trains To Sniff Women” t-shirt just to stand on a random street with it for all to see.
* Speaking of, Caddy's [[DrivenToMadness increasingly frustrated tangents]] at the '''many''' ports of ''Crash of the Titans'' (and by extension its only slightly better sequel ''Mind Over Mutant'').
** To start off, we have the PSP version of ''Titans'', which like ''Tag Team Racing'', is just the console version with less sound effects and a graphical downgrade that make the character models look like they were covered in Vaseline.
--->'''Caddy:''' [[BrickJoke Maybe these are the “manley toys” we were looking for earlier.]]
** “''OH NOES, I'M A BAD CRASH GAME ON PSP!'' (beat) …just like ''Mind Over Mutant''…”
** And once again the PSP version is nearly identical to the console version, which was nearly identical to ''Titans''. It’s the same loop of beating up enemies and monsters and then sometimes mindjacking the monsters so you can '''''STORM THE INFIDELS''''', plus there’s better platforming, but the cutscene and audio quality took a noticeable dip and Crash still looks a cosplaying malnourished old man.
*** Caddy then proceeds to juxtapose Crash’s running with footage of a guy running in a derpy-looking Crash costume.
** The transition into ''Titans'' on the Nintendo DS.
---> (Creator/IdrisElba’s head on a bent arm hops into frame)\\
'''Idris:''' Hi.\\
'''Caddy:''' *gasp* Oh my god, you’re the world-famous Idris Elbow!\\
'''Idris:''' Yep, that’s me.\\
'''Caddy:''' Well, what are you doing here?\\
'''Idris:''' Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh here’s a game. (throws the game on the ground)\\
'''Caddy:''' Huh, well, how nice of you. Gee, I meet a celebrity…\\
'''Idris:''' Bye. (leaves)\\
'''Caddy:''' …and he gives me a video game. (picks up the game) [[TemptingFate Could things possibly get any bet-]]
** It’s once again the same gameplay style as the console and PSP versions, which Caddy emphasizes by taking the audio in which he described the gameplay in the PSP version, and repeating almost the exact same lines over it.
** Crash looks probably the worst he’s ever been on the title screen… but at least he doesn’t look as ill as his sister.
--->'''Caddy:''' Oh… hey, Coco… Coco… y…you… how you doing, you alright? You look… you look a little bit sick… or you’re a bit, under the weather… you want me… you want me to go get you a… you wanna, you uh… you wanna… ''MACKEYDONALD-''
** Caddy does prefer the DS version of ''Titans'' over the others, because it at least tries to be its own thing; the levels are a bit shorter, the platforming is more interesting, and there’s even classic 2D Bouns Rounds!
*** Which marks the return of Caddicarus Bouns Round from last year… which lasts all of two seconds before he crashes on a random rock in the middle of the road.
** Plus it’s got the best iteration of the Crash dance.
--->'''Caddy:''' Look at the confidence in that hip thrust! It’s a statement. Look at the certainty. Look at the conviction! ''He is giving the air his seed.''
** That said ''Titans'' DS isn’t free of its own issues; [[{{Waggle}} forced and sometimes broken touchscreen controls]], even worse audio quality than the last game, an inexplicable LaughTrack in the cutscenes, and Crash farting whenever he double-jumps.
--->'''Caddy:''' You know, because farts are just so funny. (farts up into the air and lands on his couch)
** Next up is ''Mind Over Mutant'' on DS, and at this point Caddy is mystified to how two of Crash’s lesser games got so many handheld ports.
--->'''Caddy:''' Who was buying these? [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall Was it you?]] ''[[TakeThatAudience Well then, screw you!]]''
** Actually, the DS version of [=MoM=] starts out promising enough, as it looks like a classic 2D Crash platformer like on the GBA, where you can break boxes and do moves like the Death Tornado Spin Glide, [[TemptingFate all with out relying on monster possess-]]
--->'''[[Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir Geoffrey Butler]]:''' You swindled me!
** Alas, it’s still the same formula of beating up enemies and jacking monsters you all know and… know, except on a more restrictive 2D plane where you can’t avoid most of the attacks thrown at you.
--->'''crash fucking died'''
** Caddy also does an [[https://youtu.be/N-AF_U98pYw?t=2331 American accent]] while reviewing [=MoM=] [=DS=], which hilariously falls into an audio version of the UncannyValley.
--->'''Caddy:''' Gosh, this really is the worst version of the ''Titans'' and ''Mutant'' formula that you can play!
** Also Aku Aku never shuts up, and his endless repeating of “Crash!” gets on Caddy’s nerves to the point where he accidentally spits out his retainer.
** "Hahahaha… haha-haha… hahaha… oh… I’ve got leporsy!"
** Caddy is now considerably annoyed that he’s talked about ''Titans'' and ''Mind Over Mutant'' more than the actually good Crash games, and wants to move on to something else.
--->'''Caddy:''' What’s next? (a hand from offscreen hands him the next game) Ah, thank you, child sweatshop factory worker! Your check for three pennies will be on floor next to- (it’s ''Titans'' on the GBA) I don’t want to live anymore. (rams his head onto a table)
** “The story here is that Cortex is a baddie, Crash is a goodie, and you need to stop Cortex before he ''slithers into your '''bottom!'''”''
** [[RuleOfThree “You run around linear empty areas…”]]
** And like ''Mind Over Mutant'' on DS, it’s the same formula in a restrictive 2D plane. And Caddy could say more, but if he says anything out of order he might get demonetized.
** Aku Aku looks as fed up with all these ports as Caddy is. And has [[Franchise/TheMuppets Miss Piggy’s]] nose for some reason.
* The questionable character designs in ''Crash Boom Bang'', not helped by the 2006 DS graphics that somehow look worse than 2002 GBA graphics; Crash looks like if WebOriginal/JeffTheKiller became a kite, Coco has a hedge maze for a face, trees for ears, and oars for arms, and Pura is suddenly an UpliftedAnimal with human legs and short shorts.
-->'''Caddy:''' I haven’t been this disgusted since I last looked at my step-daughters.\\
([[CutawayGag cut to]] Caddy walking into Amy’s room)\\
'''Caddy:''' Hey, honey, have you seen my coat?\\
'''Amy:''' Don’t worry, Caddy, I found it!\\
'''Caddy:''' UUUUUGK! (leaves and slams the door shut)
* '''''"HEY, KIDS! I’M AKU AKU, AND I’M GONNA TIE YOU IN A SACK AND THROW YOU IN A RIVER!"'''''
* Caddy's minute-long MotorMouth [[https://youtu.be/N-AF_U98pYw?t=2672 explanation]] for the hilariously unintuitive gameplay of ''Crash Boom Bang Bing Bong Boo Bingly Bungly [[WesternAnimation/PeppaPig Boo]]:''
-->'''Caddy:''' (inhales) At the start of your turn, you only have a few seconds to make and perform every decision. If you want to roll the dice you have to press the touchscreen to skip the countdown, but if you want to use an item you have to open a separate menu in the touchscreen that obscures the map of the board, so you don't know if the item will be useful for you on the board because you can't see where anybody is. If you take too long deciding what item to use, your turn goes ahead without you having a say and the game goes on like normal, but if you aren't paying attention to the top screen you won't know where you are or the other players are because that's where the game's happening. Sometimes you'll come to a fork in the road so the game tells you to pick a direction to move, but in order to do that you need to use the d-pad to choose instead of the touchscreen [[DamnYouMuscleMemory which you've been using the whole time]] and by the way, make sure you use the touchscreen to open the map up when you use the d-pad because otherwise you won't know where you're going except in these parts where you can only pick one direction, so why are you giving me a choice? ''(Pinstripe is taken away on a boat)'' Oh okay, what's going on? Pinstripe is leaving. See you later, buddy! Get out of the game while you still can! ...So yeah, more often than not you'll land on spaces that take you to some other random part of the world, but [[GuideDangIt none of this is made clear to you]] and you won't have any idea where you or the rest of the players are since you disappear from the original map when this happens, and it gets even more confusing when someone uses an item that randomly changes the position of every player on the board. You collect points from minigames, but that's only if any minigames get triggered and the game can even end before the end of the 10-turn limit depending on how far ahead a player makes it across the board, but making it to the end is not the deciding factor on the winner, because ultimately it's who has the most points from the minigames, and they can be very difficult to win because the other players can distract you as many times as they want by spamming their own stickers on your screen, thus obscuring your view and causing you to lose. However, luckily, you can combat this by using your own stickers and throwing them on the other players, but the game also wants you to customize the stickers with the touchpad in the middle of the round in a separate touchscreen menu next to the map and the item menu when you've only got a few seconds to decide what items to use and what direction you want to go on the board, so what ends up happening is you're trying to make your own sticker but then your move happens automatically and you don't have a clue where you are or where anyone else is, and you think that making stickers is easy with the touchscreen but it isn't because in order to customize the default sticker you can't just drag and drop whatever you want from any menu; you need to go to the correct submenu with the item of the sticker you want to bin in order to move that individual item to the bin, so you have to go through a million different submenus and guess what the correct category is for each item on the canvas you want to replace, and then after all of that you have to go back to the other submenu that you went to in order to pick the thing that you want to drag and drop into it, so by the end this was all I was able to do because I couldn't figure out how to do anything better, and it perfectly sums up how I feel about this whole thing.\\
''(Caddy's sticker is of a disgusted Pinstripe with "GET FUCKED" written above him)''
* And the minigames weren't all that good either, probably on the same level as ''Crashtony Bashtony''.
** There's a game where you play ''Spot The Difference''.
** There's a game where you guess what number a baseball will be thrown at.
** There's a game where you guess where a person will appear from the floor and hope you can slowly walk over to them before the computer players, which is never.
** There's a game where you blow on the mic. Just... blow.
*** And in one of the many times Caddy played that minigame, the game won't pick up on Caddy's mic for no reason whatsoever.
-->'''Caddy:''' BLOW THE BALLOON UP, YOU BLASTED '''MEAT!'''
** "And it’s a shame it isn’t the 1920s, because Mumps isn’t doing so well, here."
* "Roll up! Roll up! Come and get your pooey ticket for pooey cricket!"
* After going through what he considers to be the worst game in the series, Caddy finds the guy in the derpy Crash costume from earlier and approaches him, wanting to get back at him for having to play mostly not-so-good games, only for him to distract Caddy by handing him ''VideoGame/CrashOnTheRun''.
-->'''Caddy:''' On the run from who? The IRS?
* With how long he’s had to put up with these games, a simple stuck-in-the-floor glitch should be manageable, [[TemptingFate right]]?
-->'''Caddy:''' ''[[Music/BlackSabbath People think I’m insane because I am frowning all the time!]]''
* The core gameplay of ''Cash Banooca Has the Runs'' is decent enough, but what really brings it down is the fact that [[BribingYourWayToVictory unless you spend money]], you’ll soon be forced to wait for hours at a time in order to go on endless collection runs to gather the ingredients needed to progress to the next level, not helped by the aforementioned floor glitches.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh gee, thanks, game, serves me right for walking on the normal, regular floor!
** There's also the fact that Caddy has ''more'' Platinum Time Trial Relics to collect.
* "'''[[AttentionDeficitOohShiny A]] Series/{{Loki|2021}} [[AttentionDeficitOohShiny Funko Pop!]]'''"
* "My advice is to treat ''Crash: On the Run!'' like fast food. It’s really lovely in small doses, but if you have too much of it, you’ll get gout. And then you’ll need to cut it off for your own health."
* There were actually two iOS Crash games before ''Crash: On the Run!'', namely ''Nitro Kart 3D'' and ''Nitro Kart 2''. Unfortunately, they were delisted ages ago and can’t even be emulated, but at least Caddy has a review from [=MacWorld=] to go by:
-->'''Pros:''' Nothing.\\
'''Cons:''' Nothing.\\
'''Verdict:''' Nothing.\\
'''Caddy:''' I guess that’s why they were taken down.
* After discussing the ''Crash'' games on iPhones, Caddy thinks he's all done... only to be interrupted by himself, who is inexplicibly in a blimp.
--> '''Blimp!Caddy''': Ahaha! Yes it's me, and I'm here to give you items that never helped anybody, just like the blimp!
--> '''Caddy''': ...I don't think you're right.
--> '''Blimp!Caddy''': Silence, wench, and take my next useless item! (''he makes a strange face before firing an UsefulNotes/NGage at Caddy from... [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything somewhere]]'')
--> '''Caddy''': (picks it up, looks at it, and turns to camera) ''[[ThisIsGonnaSuck Fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee, fiddle dee-dee]]'' '''''[[LastNoteNightmare DOOO…]]'''''
* Yes, Caddy is taking a look at the N-Gage, Nokia’s infamous game console/phone/taco/spade-end/tiny man scale. And yes, you have to hold it like a conch shell to make calls, it isn’t just to be funny.
--> '''Caddy''': I can hear the sea…
* Caddy notices that the previous owner of the N-Gage he got off [=eBay=] left their SIM card in, and he proceeds to read the names on the contacts list in the goofiest ways possible.
* Of course there’s a Cash Banooca game to play on the N-Gage, said game being another port of ''Nitro Kart''. And since the new, unopened copy he got on [=eBay=] set him back over £100, he’s going to have be really careful with such a valuable item… and then he proceeds to effortlessly rip off the plastic and furiously scrub the case in the sink.
* As for the game itself, it’s actually on the same level as the GBA version, not only looking better graphically, but even featuring tracks that bend and go over hills.
--> '''Caddy''': [[HeelRealization And then you remember you’re playing on phone dialing buttons. (beat) And you can only see what’s directly in front of you. (beat)]] [[FromBadToWorse And the buttons are really massive and far apart like the goddamn]] UsefulNotes/{{Intellivision}}. (Caddy spins the control pad on the Intellivision around furiously) [[OverlyLongGag And the joypad is horribly stiff. (beat) And then you realize you spent a lot of money on these things. (beat) And you do a big messy.]]
* Caddy’s ImagineSpot of a hands-free N-Gage model.
* After that, it looks like Caddy is done with portable Crash games (again) and begins to wrap up the video… only to get a bunch of cell phones dumped on him. Yes, Caddy is even looking at Crash games on Java that were released on cell phones. And not the [=iPhones=] and Android phones of today. Games that were released on primitive bricky phones with ''keypads'' and all that.
* For the Java port of ''Nitro Kart'', Caddy chooses Crash on the basis of being the most normal looking; Cortex looks like a moldy banana, Coco looks like an angry young boy with a bleeding mouth, and Crunch resembles Franchise/WinnieThePooh for some reason.
* ''Nitro Kart'' on Java phones: a racing game where you chug along in dead silence trying to get speed boosts from '''''CONGEALED PITS OF BLOOD'''''.
* “Oh cool, an invincible Aku Aku mask power-up!” (it lasts for all of one second) “THE END.”
* Next is the Java version of ''Tag Team Racing'', titled simply ''Crash Racing''
-->'''Caddy''': Oh, praise Gordon the big engine, I can choose to turn sounds on? Yes please!\\
(the off-putting title screen music plays)\\
'''Caddy''': I change my mind, can I turn them off?
** The kicker? The game is almost entirely silent just like the last one.
---> '''Caddy''': What, pray tell, it the point of asking me if I want sounds, if the only sounds were on ''the goddamn first still image?!?''
* Caddy chooses Cortex because it looks like his hair could use a wash, but he quickly gets frustrated with the game (which is just a worse version of ''Nitro Kart'' on Java) and gives up before he can take Cortex to the hairdressers’.
* Caddy takes a look at the ''Crash Twinsanity'' Java port, which weirdly advertises the fact that it’s “also available on console”, as if to say the devs know the mobile version is inferior and want to convince people to buy the console version instead.
--> '''Caddy!Cortex:''' Hehehehe, you can’t afford the real one, Crash!\\
'''Caddy!Crash:''' '''''WOOOOOOOOOAAAAA-'''''
* Caddy discovers that jumping onto TNT crates not only instantly kills you, but also plays [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLVBHGBCBL0 this unfitting sound effect]] when you die.
--> '''Caddy''': Hey Olly, catch! (''tosses a ticking TNT crate to Olly'')
--> '''Olly''': Thanks... [[TooDumbToLive what is it]]?
--> (''SmashCut to Caddy standing outside the room smiling as the aforementioned death sound plays'')
** It then manages to freeze at the best possible moment: [[ExactWords being forced to wait for Cortex to clear a path forward]].
** “This game is poo on a plate. In fact, no, it’s not poo on a plate. Poo on a plate is better because at least you got something to eat!”
* While ''Nitro Kart'' was the first ''Crash'' game released on standard Java phones, the first ''Crash'' mobile phone game period was released a couple months earlier on a phone that was a bit different from everything else on the market at the time…
-->'''Kia Sorento:''' Oh man, you talking about me?\\
'''Caddy''': No, Kia!\\
'''Kia Sorento:''' Oh… I can be a phone if you let me! (slinks away) I wanna… just, go in your pocket and vibrate and ring…\\
(beat)\\
'''Caddy''': (holding up a Nokia 6630) [[StealthPun Nooookia.]]
* "They made a game that sticks out more than Billy from Philly with the great big... ''[[SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion nose]]."''
* Caddy is taken a bit back by ''Twinsanity 3D''’s ambition, using more advanced graphics to try and pull off a 3D corridor platformer, despite being on a brick phone with a d-pad that’s more useful for navigating menus.
-->'''Caddy''': At least we can say one thing for sure, though: it definitely has sound. In fact, maybe it has too much sound, because that menu music…\\
(another off-putting title screen music track plays)\\
'''Caddy''': (zoomed in on Cortex’s screaming face) …is one of the scariest things I’ve ever heard in my life.
** The dramatic reading of one of the game’s “cutscenes”.
--->'''Evil Twins:''' Cortex!\\
'''Cortex:''' ...!!! (UUURRRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' You shall be DESTROYED!\\
'''Crash:''' ....? (Uuuuuueeeeeeeeeehhh?)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' And that bandicoot and his friends will be our slaves!\\
'''Crash:''' ...!!! (ominous keyboard music from Classic Nursery Rhymes VHS)\\
'''Evil Twins:''' Fear the wrath of... The Twins!\\
'''Cortex:''' Never! Not even if I have to team up with that blithering bandicoot to [[WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma stop Come]] on, you bumbling fool!\\
'''Crash:''' ....? (vomiting noise)
* Next up is ''Crash Nitro Kart 2'' on Java:
-->'''Caddy''': And yes, this is a sequel to ''Crash Nitro Kart 1'' Java. It’s not a sequel to the [=PS2=] version, or a sequel to the GBA version, or a sequel to the N-Gage special version even though that’s a mobile phone and it’s not the same thing as ''Crash Nitro Kart 2'' on [=iOS=] from 2010 even though that’s also a mobile phone my head is in pain please shoot me in it.
** Caddy decides to give congratulations for making a surprisingly decent mobile phone Crash kart port to the devs, Interactive Project 4 U, or for short, [[FunWithAcronyms IP4U.]]
---> '''Caddy in a sultry voice:''' (Close-up of a man with a [[DrearyHalfLiddedEyes peculiar expression]])'' [[FetishRetardant Oh, do you now?]]''
** They even managed to include Caddy’s favorite Crash catchphrase:
---> '''Crash (SuddenlyVoiced by Antdude):''' Use the Kart Jacking bonus to steal opponent’s karts! (beat) Hello, I’m Crash Bandicoot.
* Caddy thinks the video is ending on a positive note… only to be informed that not only is he ''still'' not done, but there’s '''''yet another port''''' of ''Crash of the Titans'' on Java, causing him to [[CallBack once again break out the whipped cream.]]
-->'''Caddy''': Oh… oh… oh… how much deeper can this rabbit hole go!? (furiously sprays whipped cream on himself)
* [[ARareSentence “By the way, I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t for the life of me get past this giant boxing elephant.”]]
* “Are we done yet? No! Of course not! Why would we be done? Here’s a [=BlackBerry=]! Can you eat it? No. What does it taste like? (puts it in his mouth) Grease!”
* ''Mutant Island'' ends up being the best mobile phone platforming outing so far, even though it’s on a phone that should have juices inside but doesn’t, and for some reason has '''''[=P0H0MN0S=]!'''''
* “Woah, man, we’re getting so advanced and [=#=][[VideoGame/ModernWarfare MODERNWARFARE]], we got quick-time events now?”
-->(''Crash jumps across ledges with button presses in near-silence'')\\
'''Caddy''': I’m a very sad and lonely man.
* “Crash, a giant flying machine just took your sister, Coco! Smells like her FANNY!”
* "''And there’s'' '''''another''''' ''one!'' I tell ya, whoever decided it was ok to put a million different ''Crash'' games on a million different mobile phones that are really hard to find, ''I will hunt you down and get the'' '''''hooves''''' ''out!''
* Caddy had to go through utter hell to be able to play ''Crash Bandicoot [=ExEn=]'', having to find the phone able to run it (the Panasonic [=GD67=]), and track down both the emulator for the Execution Engine and the ROM file for the game itself.
-->'''Caddy''': (''narrating in a grizzled tone while dressed in a detective outfit and suddenly in a FilmNoir pastiche'') But I did it anyway, because you know me. I’m the Cash Banooca Big Big Bad Birthday Bashy Bingo Boy, and there’s no length I won’t go to in order to find a video game that Crash Bandicoot is hiding in.\\
(''Gratuitous shot of Caddy sucking a lollipop, then cut to him digging around his bushes to find the Panasonic [=GD67=]'')\\
After finding out about the game and the hardware it was released on, I simply couldn’t ignore it. But the digging I had to do to get inside it was deep and full of ssssssssssaaaaaaaaand.\\
(''coughs after accidentally ingesting some of said sand'')
* Finding the [=ExEn=] emulator wasn’t all that hard, but the finding the ROM file for the ''Crash'' game had Caddy going through a series of links that eventually lead him to a Chinese ROM site, with the ROM file buried in a million different discussion tabs, which was unfortunate because he doesn’t live on the moon.
* And after all that trouble, ''Crash [=ExEn=]'' was kind of worth it. Despite being extremely short, being completely silent, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and Uka Uka having a sick sense of humor on the Game Over screen]], Caddy declares it to be his favorite of the mobile phone games as it comes the closest to matching the ''Crash'' formula, being basically the style of the GBA games ported to a mobile phone.
-->'''Caddy''': Well done, ''Crash Bandicoot [=ExEn=]'', for being the only game so far I could squint at and say… “Yeah. This looks sort of like Crash. Maybe he looks more like a wrinkled cheesy poof.”
* Caddy briefly touches upon ''Crash Bandicoot Intuition'', an extremely rare ''Crash'' mobile game released only in Japan for a handful of handset models sold by [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NTT_Docomo NTT Docomo]], and even then is still impossible to emulate because it features motion controls (not that he wanted to play it in the first place, it being a sequel to ''Crash Boom Bang'' of all things). He then shows that he managed to get his hands on a Docomo handset of a different model, just in case there were any other Japan-exclusive games for it that could be featured in the video... but it doesn't work. After mentioning that even in this state, it's still a collector's item, he proceeds to snap it in half!
* At the very end of the video, Caddy expresses relief that he's done and starts wrapping things up... only for the Docomo phone to ring to the tune of the Humpty Dumpty song from the first nursery rhymes video (despite having been broken even before it was just snapped in half) [[YankTheDogsChain and the voice on the other end to inform Caddy]] [[FromBadToWorse that there's a mobile version of]] ''Crash Boom Bang''...
** Not only does it kick off with some horrid, messy horn music that horrifies Caddy, but the minigames are completely bare-bones and cheaply-made when they aren't being counterintuitive. He begins with a present box that moves for a couple of seconds before "GAME OVER" appears without anything else happening, and ends it with a game which looks like a test your strength affair to open a cage... but it turns out the first player to open the cage actually ''loses''.
--->'''Caddy:''' Crash Bandicoot is dead.
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Demonic World of Disney [=PS1=] Games]]
* As per tradition, the opening of the video ties in with absolutely nothing and has completely no context put towards it. The premise here is that another Caddy has come to Caddy wondering why his shoes haven't texted him in a while, only to be shocked at the sight of Caddy grooming... his hair. After that misunderstanding is clumsily cleared up, Caddy demands the other Caddy to leave, but said other Caddy just happens to have 20 or so Disney [=PS1=] games on his person. Caddy ends up getting so excited he ends up accidentally swallowing his own eyeballs.
* Disney! Disney! Dig up! Disney! Oh no, don't do that. Uh... Disney! Disney! Defrost! Disney!
-->'''Walt Disney[[note]]Characterized as a miniature coffin full of ground beef with eyes, a mustache, two baby-doll arms, and shoes.[[/note]]:''' -boos put onto Mickey Mouse.
* In all seriousness, Disney has definitely made their mark on the world, who doesn't recognize those three round circles... Because there's other kinds of circles.
* Most of us can agree that Disney's classic lineup is, for the most part, bursting with quality. From ''[[WesternAnimation/SnowWhiteAndTheSevenDwarfs Snow White]]'', all the way to... ''WesternAnimation/ChickenLittle''.
-->'''Caddy:''' They're all perfect. (Gangly Trousers Caddy emerges from Chicken Little's rear end) And you will never be.
* Disney started with a single 8-minute cartoon in 1928, and now they own '''THE ENTIIIIRE PLANET.'''
* As much as people love their movies, one thing about Disney doesn’t get discussed as much: their video games. And no, Caddy doesn’t just mean ''Franchise/KingdomHearts''.
--> "[[CallBack What about the power of]] '''''[[{{Mondegreen}} WANKING?!!]]'''''"
* As such, it would only make sense that since the [=PS1=] came out during the Disney renaissance, the Disney-related games for the system would be of the utmost quality. And even though Caddy has played a fair few of them before, he managed to find another 20 or so.
-->'''Caddy:''' Never played 'em before. (Drops the stack) And now I can't because I broke 'em all.
* From Caddy’s re-review of ''Lilo and Running Cramp: Trouble in Phil Collins'':
** Upon starting the game and getting to the main menu:
--->'''Lilo:''' Hey! How ya doin'?\\
'''Caddy (with an oversized mouth, five eyes and two noses):''' '''''I'VE BEEN BETTER!'''''
** The extras contain the famous teaser trailers for the movie with Stitch crashing other Disney movies, including the ''Aladdin'' one where Princess Jasmine honestly thinks about sleeping with a dog… [[BaitAndSwitchComparison and then thinks about sleeping with Stitch instead.]]
** Caddy as Reg Cheesy advertises a getaway to Huawei- er, Hawaii, but is shocked when he sees the game's graphics, particuarly Nani's character model.
--->'''Reg Cheesy:''' World famous for its beautiful volcanoes, luscious greenery, towering ocean waves [Nani's model appears on the screen] ...and... ffff... human fish.
** Lilo has an attack called "Bum Bash", which Caddy [[https://imgur.com/a/BGfoHzQ interprets differently]].
** Regarding the [[GiantSpaceFleaFromNowhere golem bosses]]:
--->'''Caddy:''' It's a good thing I can beat them off with mah broom!
** Lilo uses voodoo of all things to defend herself from enemies, which gives her the greatest special attack of all time: summoning a giant pink man to sit on them.
* Stitch has a SpinAttack, just like [[VideoGame/SpyroTheDragon Rayman]]!
* For the ''My Disney Kitchen'' section of the video:
** Caddy notes that Minnie is the one doing all of the work on the game's cover. She's working the toaster, pouring the [[RunningGag miluk]], flipping the pancakes and mixing the batter, while Mickey just sits there like a gluttonous bigot waiting to be fed.
-->'''Caddy!Minnie:''' Oh, Mickey! Are you happy with your orange juice?
-->'''Caddy!Mickey:''' '''''MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!'''''
** What does it mean if your kitchen is a Disney kitchen? According to Caddy, it means having a tiny man dressed as Mickey Mouse jumping out from your cupboard to attack you.
** Before starting the game, Caddy is already wary since he left the game long enough for a demo to start up, with the first words he saw in said demo being "[[AccidentalInnuendo Heavy cream]]".
** Even better, when Caddy starts the game proper and locates the world-famous "heavy cream", he finds, to his disgust, that the tomato puree is right next to it.
-->'''Caddy:''' This is starting to sound like a bad time of the month.
** In the background there's a picture of Mickey that, due to the poor quality, [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything looks]] [[ADateWithRosiePalms very questionable.]]
** "This is ''my'' kitchen, AND IN ''MY'' DAMN KITCHEN '''WE BOIL THE SHIT OUT OF LASAGNA IN THE KETTLE!!'''"
** Mickey bursting into the kitchen with [[Creator/GordonRamsay Gordon Ramsay's]] infamous [[Memes/HellsKitchen "THE LAMB SAUCE!"]] edited in.
** Caddy's frustration at Mickey and Minnie not coming in to eat his [[LethalChef stewed concoction of]] [[CordonBleughChef spaghetti, an orange and a pickle with chocolate syrup]]. Caddy then declares that if they won't try his cooking, then he will... at which point Caddy is shown in live action with the same concoction in front of him... [[{{Squick}} which he then proceeds to actually eat!]] The crap the man does for entertainment...
--->'''Caddy:''' [[[OhCrap obviously perturbed]]] [[IWasJustJoking ...I-I I did- I didn't mean it. I do- I don't wa- I don't wanna t- I don't wanna try this...]] [deep breath] [[ThisIsGonnaSuck ...OK...]] [slowly picks up the orange and bites into it, peel and all] ...ogh, can't even ge- bite into the orange! Ugh! [bites into the pickle, then tears off some of the orange] Aghugh, ghoghegh the ghagheggi! [picks up the whole stack of (raw) spaghetti and bites it off, [[NauseaFuel the spaghetti audibly crunching as he does so]]. Caddy chews for a while, obviously fighting the urge to spit it out] Thaph iph... [spits slightly] Phaph's gooph enuff fhur Mickhy Mouph! [thumbs up with a revolted expression]
** Realizing that you have to plate your meals before serving them to Mickey and Minnie, Caddy finds himself unable to plate up his stewed horror, so resorts to putting a pickle in a bowl and calling it "[[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign Le Pickle Plattee]]"... which comes with a knife when you want to end it all. [[ShaggyDogStory Mickey and Minnie still won't eat it]].
** Caddy makes a burnt cake and sticks a picture of Donald's face on it, calling it "Donald's Dump"
--->'''Caddy!Mickey:''' Oh boy! Just wait until Donald hears about the time we ate his feces!
* The transtion from the My Disney Kitchen to the Spons section is morbidly hilarious:
-->'''Caddy''': Wait a second. Feces. Pooh. Winnie the pooh. (falls over in agony, clutching his chest and stomach for 20 seconds before stopping to catch his breath. Only for him to feel pain in his chest and belly again leading too..)
-->'''Caddy's Belly''': (lurching noise)
-->'''Caddy''':...But how will I cover the medical expenses?
-->'''Kite!Caddy''': ([[ChestBurster Bursts out of caddy's stomach witha bloodsplatter sound effect]]) HELLO! I'M SPONS!
-->'''Caddy''': (Lies motionless with BloodFromTheMouth, presumably dead)
-->'''Kite!Caddy''': HELLO?
-->'''Caddy''': (Still lies motionless and unresponsive)
-->(beat)
--> '''Kite!Caddy''': [[MoodWhiplash Have you ever heard of a game called]] ''VideoGame/GenshinImpact''?
* While Caddy is playing ''Disney's Winnie the Pooh Kindergarten'', Caddy suggests that rabbit might have had a drink.
* During his look at ''Disney Preschool: Winnie the Pooh''
-->'''Caddy:''' Let's head off to Pooh's house next! I walk in the front door, and...
-->'''*Pooh dreams up a stairway made out of clouds'''
-->'''Caddy:''' ...I end up in ''VideoGame/KingdomHeartsII''!
-->'''*Sora flies overhead, glancing at Pooh as a snippet of Sanctuary plays*'''
** After that minigame, he travels elsewhere:
-->'''Caddy:''' Let's check out Kanga's house instead!
-->'''Kanga:''' Roo and I were just making some alphabet soup!
-->'''Pooh *whilst looking towards the player*:''' Perhaps our friend can help with the helping, too!
-->'''Caddy:''' Please stop looking at me!
-->'''Pooh:''' Ooh... ooh... OOH... '''''*DEMONIC SCREECHING*'''''
* In the ''VideoGame/OneHundredAndTwoDalmatiansPuppiesToTheRescue'' segment:
** Caddy's reactions to the intro, namely the conversation between the dalmatian family:
--->'''Dottie:''' Oh, look, Dipstick!\\
'''Caddy:''' What did you just call me?\\
'''Dipstick:''' It's coming on the TV right now!\\
'''Caddy:''' What is? My dipstick?\\
'''Dottie:''' What can we do, darling?\\
'''Dipstick:''' I'll tell you what we can do!\\
'''Caddy!Dipstick:''' I'll grab Cruella and shove her in my [[OffModel triangular whistle-hole]]!
** I haven't seen a story told this well since the last season of... [[Series/{{Lost}} sLot]].
** The camera isn't fantastic in this game, given how closely it flies behind you when you jump or fall. So here's hoping you enjoy ''Secret Diaries of an Upskirt Dog Photographer''!
** Caddy is taken aback by the character swap animation (in which the camera does a 360 spin whilst the character changes)
--->'''Caddy:''' Just look at this, who thought this was a good idea? It's giving me bile duct leakage! *The scene then swaps to Caddy himself* In fact... no. I've changed my mind, this is the best idea I've ever seen. I think every single game-\\
'''*The camera suddenly does a 360 spin whilst zooming into Caddy, and zooming out to reveal WebVideo/SomeCallMeJohnny*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' - needs to make you throw up in the side of a shop window-\\
'''*The camera suddenly spins again, swapping back to Caddy*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' every time you change your mind, I mean-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' who needs $400 VR-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' when you can spend as little as-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' $20 to turn your [=PS1=]-\\
'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Caddy:''' from grey to beige-\\
-'''*Swaps*'''\\
'''Johnny:''' with your own mouth!\\
** Caddy's reaction to Cruella De Vil on the cover art and her in-game model.
--->'''Caddy:''' This is the most revolting thing I've ever seen in my life. Is that Cruella De Vil or Michael Jackson?
--->'''Caddy:''' AAUGH! Oh my good god of grapes! I was wrong, that's not Michael Jackson, it's the Tin Man!
** Upon seeing an inflatable combat dummy of Horace:
--->'''Caddy:''' Hate. All I know is hate.
** "I am Sgt. [[{{Mondegreen}} TITS]]".
** When Caddy finally pauses the game because of the camera making him ill, the game states that it is "[[IncrediblyLamePun PAWSED]]". Caddy reacts by smiling and holding up an electronic sign that plays a triumphant note.
--->[[LamePunReaction FUCK OFF]]
* While talking about ''WesternAnimation/OneHundredAndOneDalmatiansIIPatchsLondonAdventure'':
** Curiously, even though ''Patch's London Adventure'' takes place in... well, London, it was never released in the UK. And the reason for that is because the Queen hated the [=PS1=] because she could never beat Devil in ''[[VideoGame/{{Tekken}} Tekken 2]]''.
--->'''The Queen:''' Heheheh I drive a car!\\
'''The Queen, whilst driving a car:''' '''OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!-'''
** Caddy goes mad trying to keep the titles for the ''101 Dalmatians'' franchise straight, which leads to...
--->'''Olly:''' Caddy, what are you doing?\\
'''Caddy:''' Waterboarding. *a dishcloth is slapped over Caddy's face while a small trickle of water is poured over him, with Caddy audibly giggling*
** Caddy thanks the game's developers for not releasing it in the UK, on account of them getting London all wrong. With people throwing shit at you for no reason, all the streets looking the same, the police chasing you down for no reason other than because they're bored... [[BaitAndSwitchComparison real London's worse than that!]]
* In the segment about ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaidII'':
** This game was one of the rarer, more expensive games in the video, so as such, Caddy has to be very careful with it- nah, he rips the plastic off the case, opens it and takes the disk out as violently as he can, slings it into his [=PlayStation=] and spikes said [=PlayStation=] across the floor.
** [[WaxingLyrical Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?]] Wouldn't you think they CUT OFF MY FEET?
** The RunningGag of the back of the box touting "Intuitive, non-violent gameplay", even though the latter claim is [[BlatantLies false advertising to the nth degree]]. It all starts out when Ariel is eaten by a shark (she gets spat out again, but this still ends the game in failure). Then Ariel has to rescue a drowning Prince Eric before getting into a boss battle against Ursula. THEN the game switches control to Melody, who has to periodically ''surface for air lest she drown''. But don't worry: [[ImplausibleDeniability no violence!]]
** *holding a doll of Ariel* "Hey Ariel, do you know what my favourite meal is? ''Fish and chips!''" *violently slams the doll onto a large plate of chips*
** When the boss battle against Ursula is complete, the day is saved, all thanks to the Little Mermaid with a big... [[{{Squick}} PEENY]].
** Morgana is apparently Caddy's great aunt.
* From the ''Walt Disney World Quest: Magical Racing Tour'' section:
** The title is the worst that Caddy's ever seen since ''Golf Magazine Presents: 36 Great Holes Starring Fred Couples''.
** "*{{Gasp}}* But I'M French! Ah-ha, [[Music/BonJovi bon]] [[{{Pun}} jovi]]!"
** Caddy sees the utterly nightmarish Jiminy Cricket FMV [[https://youtu.be/upSSAtltj1s?t=2047 and reacts appropriately]].
--->'''Caddy Cricket:''' Hello, there! Ricket's the name! *{{Beat}}* I've got rickets!
* Caddy discusses ''Disney's Story Studio: Mulan'':
** Caddy decides to set his name to "Bra".
--->'''Caddy:''' I dunno, what do you want from me?
** "Come here to Jasper and '''CLIMB IN HIS SACK'''"
** This was the only game of its series to be ported to the [=PS1=]. Does that mean it's the best one?
-->'''Man:''' I have a pair of leggings.\\
'''Caddy:''' What do you think?
** While Caddy is clicking idly, [[ItMakesSenseInContext he's apparently sending a bunch of pre-arranged wives to a miserable future]].
** This bit:
--->'''Caddy:''' Family: Where you kiss your mom and your dad (beat) but we wish Granny would just die already.
** Speaking of Mulan's Grandma, Caddy compares her to a bulldog chewing on a wasp when she's angry.
** When Caddy is explaining things to do in the game.
--->'''Caddy:'''You can make Mushu laugh.
--->'''Mushu gives off a horrible laugh'''
--->'''Caddy:''' But don't make Mushu laugh.
** At least this game has the best Disney song of all time.
--->'''Caddy:''' Dah, j-j-j-j, dah, jigga jigga jah jigga j-j, BE A MINGE!
* From the section on ''VideoGame/AtlantisTheLostEmpire'':
** The introduction:
---> *door knocks*\\
'''Caddy:''' [[WesternAnimation/WallaceAndGromit Oh. There's someone at the door, Gromit. I wonder who that could be.]]\\
'''[[Anime/DragonBallZ Caddy!Goku]]:''' Hello.\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh my god, it's [[Webcomic/{{Sonichu}} Chris Chan]]!\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' I'm Guh-koo!\\
'''Caddy:''' Wow! The real one from Disney?\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' [[TakeThat It's only a matter of time.]]\\
'''Caddy:''' What are you doing here, you old bastud?\\
'''Caddy!Goku:''' Cammy hammy huh! (firmly plants his foot upon Caddy's forehead)\\
'''Caddy:''' (sniffs) I can smell Atlantis: The Lost Empire in there! (casually removes Caddy!Goku's entire foot and digs around inside his leg, pulling out Atlantis: The Lost Empire on [=PS1=] with an excited noise.)
** Caddy is not impressed with the tutorial involving you mimicking the actions of Preston Whitmore.
--->'''Caddy!Preston:''' Hey! Can you jump like me? HUP-! *Preston lands with a loud crack* *beat* Aaaeeehhh...!
* On the ''Franchise/PeterPan'' games:
** When discussing the "The Boy Who Never Grew Up" slogan when introducing ''Peter Pan: Adventures in Never Land'':
--->'''Caddy:''' Yeah, I'm pretty sure [[BlackComedy that was just the legal defense of]] Music/GaryGlitter!
** This bit:
--->'''Caddy:''' This game has made me so upset that I could... listen to Music/JamesBlunt!
--->''Cut to Caddy crying while "You're Beautiful" plays in the background. Has an abrupt realization that he instead has the music video for "Wisemen" on, moving his finger to the screen to make it read "semen", [[ActuallyPrettyFunny and then snickers]].''
** Caddy destroying ''Peter Pan: Return to Neverland'' with hedgetrimmers with a demented SlasherSmile after realizing what a ''literal'' waste of money it was[[note]]It was literally the exact same game as the one he ''just'' looked at![[/note]].
** Speaking of, he encounters a boss this time around.
--->'''Boss (swaying back and forth and waving his arms around):''' You think you can beat me?
--->'''Caddy (imitating his movement and not moving his mouth):''' [[BluntYes Yes, I think I can.]]
* In the intro to ''VideoGame/TheEmperorsNewGroove'', Cerys hands Caddy the game, and he remarks that they couldn't be any more on the same wavelength:
-->'''Caddy:''' We know each other so well that we even finish each other's...\\
* beat*\\
'''Cerys:''' ...what?
* The ''[[VideoGame/MickeyMania Mickey's Wild Adventure]]'' segment:
** The segue into it has the case fly in from offscreen and smack Caddy in the face.
--->[[EyeScream the case hit me in my eye and I nearly cried]]
** Caddy talks about the game's difficulty, and how it starts out with the first level, ''WesternAnimation/SteamboatWillie'':
--->'''Caddy (with a boat toy on his crotch):''' And it's ''nothing'' to be ashamed of!
** "Mickey! Get up there you stupid BRATWURST!"
* A lot of the ''Goofy’s Funhouse'' segment qualifies. For example:
** This bit:
--->'''Goofy:''' I sure do have a lot of books!\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' It's just a shame I can't read! [[SignatureLaugh A-hee-hyuck!]]
** "Yesss! I did a win-win!"
** The game itself getting the nickname “Goofy’s Hellhouse”.
** Caddy describing the muscular poster in Max’s room as “Steroid Abuse”.
** Goofy's deadpan "Burrrr" as he opens the fridge.
** The whole segment about the phone quiz.
--->'''Goofy:''' Where do you wear a golfing hat?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. Legs.\\
* wrong answer*\\
'''Caddy (with a golf hat on his raised knee):''' How dare you!\\
'''Goofy:''' What do you hit a golf ball with?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. Golf cart.\\
* wrong answer*\\
'''Caddy (on a golf course holding a golf cart like he would a club):''' How dare you!\\
'''Goofy:''' What room in a house is for sleeping in?\\
'''Caddy:''' Easy. The bathroom.\\
* [[RuleOfThree wrong answer]]*\\
'''Caddy (over footage of Goofy traversing a flooded basement):''' Hmph, well you've clearly never had a heavy night before. Even though you definitely have.
** "Oh... Maxy's secret videos. Better take 'em with me and BASH ONE OUT! A-HEE-HEE-HYOOAAAEEEEGGGHHH!!"
** This TakeThat at conservative parents in the original release.
--->'''Caddy:''' You know what? Max isn't home! So, I wanna snoop around my son's bedroom; nothing will go wrong there! ''(sees poster)'' Oh, well... C-Come on, Goofy. [[TransparentCloset He was gonna tell you when the time was right.]]\\
'''Caddy!Goofy:''' Maxy! [[HeteronormativeCrusader We don't want any]] ''[[HeteronormativeCrusader queers]]'' [[HeteronormativeCrusader in this house!]]\\
'''Caddy:''' Okay, Goofy. Well, [[ShutUpHannibal now we know you're already a bigot]], so I don't think you should watch that film reel hiding under your son's bed.
* When he reviews ''Dancing Stage: Disney Mix'':
** It's DDR! Disney Disney ROIGHT?!
** We're treated to Caddy cosplaying as Goofy dancing to the game on a licensed [=PlayStation=] dance mat called the [=ThrustMaster=]. Then this happens:
--->'''Caddy''': What’s that? You’re not interested in any of these songs? Then how about It’s A Small World? DUCKING HARDCORE MIX! (Cut to sped-up, rainbow-filtered footage of Caddy dressed up as Mickey Mouse dancing with the remixed song the background.)
** Caddy is happy that ''Dancing Stage: Disney Mix'' managed to close things off on a high note. Or as it's called in Japan, Disney's '''RAAAAAAAAAVE!!!'''
[[/folder]]
[[folder:The Forbidden World of BANNED Games]]
* The episode starts with a security camera feed of Caddy's house, culminating with him [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext caressing a slimy box]] [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial that is definitely not his collection of banned video games]] [[FunWithHomophones like]] ''VideoGame/RockBand''.
* Caddy knows the ''best'' [[NukeEm way]] to appeal to MoralGuardians.
-->'''Caddy:''' Oh, shit! The kids are still here! ''Amy?!''\\
'''Amy:''' What?\\
'''Caddy:''' Look under your bed!\\
'''Amy:''' Why?\\
'''Caddy:''' I got you a present!\\
'''Amy:''' ''(rummages around)'' Wow, thanks! What's in this box? ''(Caddy presses remote control; [[WouldHurtAChild explosion]])''\\
'''Caddy:''' [[ComedicSociopathy Okay, we're safe.]]
* If you're looking for a video game franchise that gets the most flack for controversy, look no further than ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAuto'', a series of games that are known for getting censored or even banned in certain countries for their unabashed portrayal of touchy subjects like racism, law, drugs, societal instability, and [[SarcasmMode everyone's favorite]] '''''[[EarRape SSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!]]'''''[[note]] "And no, I'm not just talking about the Hot Coffee mod, although [a picture of the Hot Coffee mod] is making my hot coffee go cold."[[/note]]
* Did you know that ''VideoGame/{{Roblox}}'' was banned in Guatemala for violating children's online safety or that ''VideoGame/HalfLife2'' was banned in Greece for its dystopian setting?
-->'''Caddy:''' What is this? Literature/NineteenEightyFour? ''(chuckles hysterically)'' See? [[GeniusBonus I DID]] [[LampshadeHanging A JOKE!]]
%%** And if you really want to find a country that bans more video games than China, look no further than Germany! Better hide that papercut or you'll get banned for excessive violence!
* It's time for another sponsor, courtesy of ''Mech Arena''. One of the things in the care package is a t-shirt, and what does Caddy do with it?
-->'''Kite!Caddy:''' ''(wearing the shirt)'' Gee, thanks, dad!\\
'''Caddy:''' Tch! Any time, Spons; [[ExplainExplainOhCrap did you just call me "dad"]]?
** Also, Spons gets legs!
* As he covers ''VideoGame/Manhunt2'':
** Apparently, the [[{{Manchild}} kids]] are still here.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(picks up phone)'' Hello?\\
'''Caddy's Mum:''' Hello, Jim!\\
'''Caddy:''' Can I play ''[[VideoGame/{{Manhunt}} Manhunt 2]]''?\\
'''Caddy's Mum:''' Yes, you can!\\
'''Caddy:''' Thanks, mum!
* Caddy's run-in with the {{FBI|Agent}}.
-->'''Agent:''' ''(knocks on door)'' FBI, open up!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu Nah, I'm good.]] ''(FBI agent pathetically kicks down door; sarcastically)'' Ahh, fffu-\\
'''Agent:''' Put your hands in the air!\\
'''Caddy:''' ''[[IResembleThatRemark (hands are already in the air)]]'' [[LampshadeHanging Yes, the-they are.]]\\
'''Agent:''' [[BlatantLies No!]]\\
'''Caddy:''' Sorry, [[FlatWhat what]]?\\
'''Agent:''' I'm very [[MoodWhiplash turned on]] right now!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Wanna go out and try this again?]]\\
'''Agent:''' ''(wiggles inflatable gun [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything like a dildo]]) [[TheImmodestOrgasm Uuuuuhhhhh~]]''\\
'''Caddy:''' Wait, the FBI aren't even [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall in the script]]...\\
'''Agent:''' Say another word, and I'll ''shoot''!\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh! What is this?! A ''[[IncrediblyLamePun Manhunt]]''?! ''(gets shot)''\\
'''Agent:''' Do you have a banned copy of ''Manhunt 2''?!\\
'''Caddy:''' [[UnexplainedRecovery Yes, I do!]]\\
'''Agent:''' ''(lowers gun)'' [[NotSoAboveItAll Oh, sweet! Can I play it?]]\\
'''Caddy:''' ''(points) A-haaa!'' C'mere, you! ''(shake-hugging the FBI agent)''\\
'''Singer:''' ''♪This is the way the farmer rides, come on, come on-♪''
* Jingoism or LikesOlderWomen? ...Either or.
-->'''Caddy:''' I don't want to rule out Australia ''entirely'', though, so let's take a look at a few games they've banned. I mean, after all, we ''do'' share [[UsefulNotes/HMTheQueen a Queen]]. ''({{beat}}; violently twitches; points at himself)'' '''''[[{{Yandere}} SSHHEEE'S MIIIIINNNE.]]'''''
* During the ''[[VideoGame/{{Postal}} Postal 2]]'' segment, Caddy is clearly enjoying himself as he shows off how utterly ridiculous the game is:
** What baffles Caddy is that the UK weren't OK with the unaltered releases of ''Carmageddon'' and ''The Punisher'', and still aren't OK with the unaltered ''Manhunt 2''... but ''Postal 2''?! Shove that shit on the shelves, after all, it only has violence and drugs in it! [[TemptingFate It's not like we get our wangs out!]]
** Caddy sums up the game... very, very succinctly.
--->'''Caddy:''' But what IS ''Postal 2'', I hear you ask? Well, have you ever woken up one day and thought 'Oh! I want to steal the neighbour's cat, [[AssShove shove its arsehole]] [[BlackComedyAnimalCruelty on the end of a gun]] and shoot cowboys in the head THROUGH the cat's arsehole before heading off to do the laundry.'?
** Postal 2: Ever had one of those days?
--->'''Caddy (dressed up as a [[{{Pun}} postbox]]):''' Yes. Every day.
** So how old do you have to be to play this game? ''18!'' '''18!''' ''18!'' '''18!''' '''''FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T PLAY THIS IF YOU AREN'T 18!'''''
--->'''Caddy:''' Well. I'm 27. [{{Beat}}] *slowly raises a wagging [[FlippingTheBird middle finger]]*
** Uuugh! Wee! Our game can't have wee in it! Ban it right now! DOGS DON'T WEE IN REAL LIFE!
** Caddy is failing to see the controversy in the game, but is curious why a man is walking into a condemned building.
--->'''Man (not even a foot away from the door):''' Get the hell outta here, you lunatic! (runs out of the building) Ahhhh!\\
'''Caddy (staring in perplexion):''' ...ohhhhhh.
** Caddy does have to concede that the [[MoralGuardians protestors outside the video game office]] do make some good points. Such as [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext BOTTOM]].
** Caddy isn't at the office to kill [[BlatantLies innocent people with a right to protest]], he's here to shoot people who insult him.
---> '''RWS Employee (flipping the bird):''' How 'bout some of this?! *single shot from an assault rifle to the head* What?
** *holding a picket sign* Oh! Hello there, [[WesternAnimation/NoddysToylandAdventures PC Plod]]! Nothing to see here, I was just protesting, and then I thought I'd '''''[[SuddenlyShouting FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!]]''''' (whacks the officer with the sign)
** It's not long before [[EverythingTryingToKillYou everyone and their mother is out to get Caddy]], so he decides to run away, hide in a tunnel [[BreadEggsMilkSquick set a load of homeless people on fire]].
** The Postal Dude then gets ignited, which not only leads Caddy to dance enthusiastically to the his grunts of pain, but to laugh when the Dude dies in silence with a hilariously pathetic-looking flop to the ground in front of a random civilian.
--->'''Civilian:''' Freak. *[[DesecratingTheDead kicks the corpse]]*
** In panic after his dog killed another dog- er, a police officer, Caddy tries a bunch of different keys on his keyboard, resulting in him stumbling across one of the game's more... [[UrineTrouble infamous features]].
--->'''Caddy:''' Did I... did I just unzip my flies?\\
* weapon icon shifts to a zipper with the appropriate sound effect*\\
* Caddy slowly looks into the camera with a strange expression*\\
'''Postal Dude (pissing on the officer's corpse):''' That's the ticket...\\
'''Caddy:''' *JawDrop*\\
'''Other Officer:''' *whacks Dude with a nightstick* Zip up your pants!\\
'''Caddy:''' Oh, can it, lady! You can't tell me what to do! *starts pissing on the other officer* Here! Take that! *officer stops, wiping her eyes* Yeah-heh-heh-heah! Rub it right in! It's good for your skin! *now going absolutely ballistic with the incredibly-long piss stream* Rrrr-hrr-hrr-hrr-'''HRRRR'''-hrr-hrr-hrr! *laughing* How much urine does this guy have?! It's just a neverending torrent of piss! It won't stop!
** Caddy explains that you don't actually have to draw your weapon if you don't want to in ''Postal 2''. You're free to deal with the situation however you see fit. *[[KickTheDog randomly kicks a cat]]*
** In the grocery store, Caddy happens across a sign reading "EMPLOYEES ONLY! INFIDELS KEEP OUT!". Naturally, Caddy can't refuse an invitation like that and goes sniffing... [[RefugeInAudacity only to be quickly shot at by a squadron of ululating women in veils]].
--->'''Caddy ([[FacePalm double facepalming]]):''' ...look. I get that this is horrible. And offensive. I know that... BUT IT'S SO DAMN STUPID! How could you not love this, Australia?!
** Caddy demonstrates the game's... questionable water physics in a river by pissing in it and the river going absolutely berserk, with [[OminousLatinChanting O Fortuna]] playing over it for good measure.
** Since Caddy can't get anyone to sign his petition, [[DisproportionateRetribution he sets the marching band on fire]].
* Caddy goes over ''The Guy Game'':
** Caddy putting the [[LiteralMinded "guy"]] in ''The Guy Game''.
--->'''Caddy:''' But, don't worry. If you get a question wrong, you don't need to expose ''anything''. ''[[OffscreenInertia (is suddenly shirtless)]]'' Well, you coulda [[FanDisservice told me earlier]]!
** Yeah, it's larger than [[TakeThat his nuclear bomb]].
--->'''Caddy:''' Oh, wow. ''(girl's name is Regan)'' I didn't know that UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan was a [[GagBoobs DD cup]].
** Then there's his reaction to the fact that, when you move the Flash-O-Meter, it ejaculates.
--->'''Caddy:''' ''(after slamming his controller and hand on his leg, exasperated)'' '''''[[BigWhy WHHHHHYYYYYYYY?!]]'''''
** As a lead in to why the game got banned, he talks about the ages of the contestants (which, as a reminder, are taking part in what is essentially strip trivia), and showing their profiles as he goes through them until he gets to the last one...
--->'''Caddy:''' [[WhamLine Seven]][[BreadEggsMilkSquick teen]]-- ''(on a black screen with nothing but the word [[NoJustNoReaction no]] on it; [[StunnedSilence cut to a stunned Caddy holding up 7 fingers]])''
** Caddy then declares that the game must be destroyed. Not only because it features "illegal boob", but more importantly, the game doesn't match with his [=PS2=] shelf! Cut to him in a robe and setting the game on fire, all while making the sign of the cross.
* To round the video off, Caddy looks at one more game: ''Sex Vixens From Space'':
** Caddy may be the only person in the UK who owns a physical copy of the game. And what did the game come on? [[{{Pun}} Floppies!]]
** Due to his ROM's CopyProtection prompt staying on the screen for less than two seconds, Caddy has difficulty actually starting the game up.
--->1> hello\\
[[AC:object not found]]
--->1> where's the nakey\\
[[AC:object not found]]
** After taking a TryEverything approach, Caddy finally gets the game working... and the first thing he sees is some [[OffModel incredibly ugly and messy pixel art]].
--->*[[{{Beat}} long beat]]*\\
'''Caddy''': ''WOOOOOOOOOOO!!''
** The first thing you see after the story is your ship, named Big Thruster. Three guesses what it's shaped like...
--->'''Caddy:''' I wonder why they call it that?!
** In this game, [[YouCantGetYeFlask you have to type very specific instructions for what to do]]. And no, you can't just click on stuff, and the game doesn't really explain much of anything, so good luck and have a nice thrust.
--->'''Caddy (near to crying):''' Why is this so complicated?! I just wanna see some big [[UnusualEuphemism moo-moo milkers!]]
** Since Caddy can't figure anything out and a walkthrough's barrage of instructions puts him right off, he just looks the rest of the game up online to see just why the UK banned it and why they hated it so much... only to see a rather crude (censored) image of a naked woman on a bed with a [[{{Gonk}} badly-drawn face]].
--->'''Caddy:''' [[AntiClimax ...is that it?!]]
[[/folder]]
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