History Funny / BumReviews

** "I will just stare at you." Cue silence as Bum!Edward and Bum!Bella stare at each other. "...For some reason, I find that very attractive."

** Bum!Bella says she wants to be a vampire. Bum!Edward just stares at her.

* From his ''WesternAnimation/HowToTrainYourDragon'' review: "And Hiccup can fly him! * airplane noise as Chester zips past the screen* But he's bad at it. * screams and crashes off-screen* "

---> '''Bum!Jacob:''' I know you love me, will you come back to me?
---> '''Bum!Bella:''' Yes, if you [[AC:[[WalkingShirtlessScene put on a freakin' shirt!]]]]
---> '''Bum!Jacob:''' '''''NEVAH!!!!!!!!!!'''''

** Bum!King Candy: "I'm Ed Wynn if I mutated into Larry Fine!"

-->'''Bum!Ralph''': Because you're marketable enough to sell a lot of toys.
-->'''Bum!Vanellope''': It's true; I do look like Toys/{{Bratz}} doll if they had a soul.
-->'''Bum!Ralph''': Don't ever compare anything anywhere to a Bratz doll.

-->'''Bum!Felix''': (concerning the Cy-Bug invasion on ''Sugar Rush'') We have to stop this!
-->'''Bum!Calhoun''': Indeed, and while we're at it let's have a romantic interlude in which we have very little chemistry.
-->'''Bum!Felix''': I'm sorry, but I have a Mrs. Fix-It Felix Jr.!
-->'''Bum!Calhoun''': No, you don't; it's just you wearing a bow.
-->'''Bum!Felix''': (dejected) You're right.

-->'''Bum!Vanellope''': Why a princess and not a queen?

-->'''Bum!Vanellope''': Actually, it sounds like a drag club.
* ''Despicable Me 2''

-->'''Bum!Pepper''': You're putting out a horribly defective product before it's completely finished being tested? You're like [[TakeThat the EA of Terrorism!]]
-->'''Bum!Killian''': ([[InsultBackfire flattered]]) Oh stop it...
** Bum!Pepper Potts declaring herself the new hero of the franchise, listing off reasons why Tony made such a bad superhero. When Tony objects...
--> '''Bum!Pepper Potts''': Really? Name one thing you learned through this movie?\\
'''Bum!Tony''': (Stammers) I drive cool cars? ({{Beat}})\\
'''Bum!Pepper (and Tony begrudgingly)''': All hail, Iron Woman!

---> '''Bum!Kirk:''' Khan, we have to join forces!
---> '''Bum!Khan:''' Agreed!
---> '''Bum!Kirk:''' I'm sure we're going to be the best of friends!

---> '''Bum!Khan:''' ......[[BlatantLies Yes]].

--> '''Bum!Gwen''': To honor my father's dying request, I will totally stay away from your hot muscles, your good looks and the fact that you're a superhero.
--> '''Bum!Peter''': And I will totally stay away from you despite the fact that you're a genius, hot as hell and we have raging teenage hormones.
--> '''Bum!Gwen''': ''(Taking off his jacket)'' We're already half naked talking to each other aren't we?
-->'''Bum!Peter''': ''(Shirtless)'' Yes.

--> '''Bum!Max/Electro''': I'm the stereotypical geek who's obsessed with you being a super hero.
--> '''Bum!Peter''': Oh! Like most comic book fans!
--> '''Bum!Max/Electro''': I look forward to turning my obsession into absolute hate for you!
--> '''Bum!Peter''': [[TakeThat Oh! Like most comic book fans!]]

'''Bum!Ford''': Father, how could this happen? [[AdvertisedExtra You're in all the trailers]]. \\
'''Bum!Joe''': "It's because they put ''[[AndStarring AND]]'' in front of my name" \\
'''Bum!Ford''': What? \\
'''Bum!Joe''': In a monster movie, anytime somebody has "AND" in the credits, [[DeadStarWalking it always mean they're going to die.]] \\
'''Bum!Ford''': But you're not dead. \\
'''Bum!Joe''': Watch me. \\
'''Bum!Ford''': "Damn you, predictable opening credits!!"

--->'''Bum!Ford''': My God. I feel so bad for a character that's got even less screentime than my father \\
'''Bum!Godzilla''': I'm Dead. \\
'''Bum!Ford''': Oh yeah, sure. You're really dead. \\
'''Bum!Godzilla''': No, for reals. \\
'''Bum!Ford''': Yeah, I believe it. In a reboot of Godzilla in so many years, [[LikeYouWouldReallyDoIt I bet you're really dead]]. \\
'''Bum!Godzilla''': Can't hear you. Dead. \\
'''Bum!Ford''': Whatever. I'm going to do the thing all this movies do. [[BigDamnHeroes I'm gonna get myself in trouble with the other monster and you're gonna save me in the last minute]]. Deal? \\
'''Bum!Godzilla''': Tell my wife I love her. \\
'''Bum!Ford''': Hell, I don't care.

'''Bum!Godzilla''': I need a better agent. \\
'''Bum''': Quiet! [[Film/{{Godzilla1998}} Or I'll keep you with Mathew Broderick again]]

'''Bum!Mystique''': And the question is Why do I keep following you in sequels? \\
'''Bum!Magneto''': Because our continuity is as straight forward as a porcupine's back. \\
'''Bum!Mystique''': Oh, that's why I never acknowledge Xavier as my brother in the future. \\
'''Bum!Magneto''': And that's why in the future I look like a bazillion years old \\
'''Bum!Mystique''': And that's why in [[Film/XMenOriginsWolverine The Wolverine]] [[Film/TheWolverine movies they nev-]] \\
'''Bum!Magneto''': Whoa whoa whoa. [[FanonDiscontinuity We're not even touching those!]] [[ContinuitySnarl Those are like the cannibalism of continuity]]

'''Bum!Writer''': Dear audience. We are sorry for all the stupid mistakes we made to butcher these movies in the past. Please accept this cop-out that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but you don't care because for once you'll actually see a goddamn X-Men movie. Now note that they won't be captured, dead, they will actually just be the freakin' X-Men.

** Bum referring to Drago Bludvist as "Music/BobMarley's WesternAnimation/DespicableMe"

--> '''Bum!Hathaway''': Why don't we say emotional cue words that are great for the trailer?
--> '''[=Bum!McConaughey=]''': Alright, honor, love, forgiveness...
--> '''Bum!Hathaway''': ...hope, determination, future...
--> '''[=Bum!McConaughey=]''': ...Lincoln.
--> '''Bum!Hathaway''': Stop it!

--> '''Bum!Hathaway''': I don't think that's a robot, I think that's just [[TakeThat Nolan's writing]].

-->'''Bum!Christian''': I imagine you're not a real journalist.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': No, I work at a hardware store. I'm just subbing for my roommate.\\
'''Bum!Christian''': Couldn't your roommate have gotten another journalist to sub?\\
'''Bum!Ana''': Yes, but they wouldn't be as quiet, shy, or inexperienced.\\
'''Bum!Christian''': I find those qualities attractive in you for some reason.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': And I find your lack of any likable identity attractive for some reason.

-->'''Bum!Christian''': You must sign this non-disclosure agreement that you'll tell nobody we are dating.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': Eh, I'm gonna cross out this part that says :Tell nobody" and replace it with "Tell everybody, but you will not get angry for some reason".\\
'''Bum!Christian''': I think that's fair.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': Wonderful! Now will you love me?\\
'''Bum!Christian''': I'm sorry. I don't do love.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': What?! Then why didn't you just hire a prostitute or something?\\
'''Bum!Christian''': Because there's something that draws me to you! Something the writers obviously forgot to put in, but nevertheless it draws me emotionally to you!

'''Bum!Ana''': You make ''no sense'' whatsoever. \\
'''Bum!Christian''': Of course I don't. ''I'm complex''.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': Yeah, I think you're confusing "complex" with "inconsistent and lazily-written"\\
'''Bum!Christian''': It's no more inconsistent than you hating my gifts but still taking them. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': Well, I, uh... \\
'''Bum!Christian''': And not filling out the paperwork and still tied up and spanked up anyway. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': Well, I, uh... \\
'''Bum!Christian''': And no more consistent than going into a relationship clearly I said it won't have any love [[LoveMartyr and yet you constantly trying to get love out of it]]. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': What can I say? We spawned from Literature/{{Twilight}} Fanfiction! [[TakeThat There's really no direction to go but down]]. \\
'''Bum!Christian''': [[TakeThatAudience Oh, let's just give the horny middle-aged ladies]] the bondage that they want. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': OK. \\

'''Bum!Christian''': I can't tell you. It's...too painful!\\
'''Bum!Ana''': Yeah, I know. You seem to be a guy who's kinda into that.\\
'''Bum!Christian''': But not this time! I'm complex.\\
'''Bum!Ana''': But you confessed to me all that other difficult stuff you never told anyone!\\
'''Bum!Christian''': That was different. At that point I was like (mimes with hand) this level of complex; now I'm at this level of complex. I'm complex!

-->'''Bum!Iron Man''': Now, Ultron, I want you to create peace for the world!
-->'''Bum!Ultron''': The only way to create peace is to destroy Humanity!
-->'''Bum!Iron Man''': Ooooh, I probably should have programmed in that not being an option!
-->'''Bum!Ultron''': Too late! I am evil now! (runs away with an EvilLaugh)
-->'''Bum!Iron Man''': You know, for a smart guy, I am pretty dumb!

-->'''Bum!Scarlet Witch''': We want to be on your side!
-->'''Bum!Captain America''': Well, that seems kinda sporadic!
-->'''Bum!Scarlet Witch''': Not as sporadic as [[StrangledByTheRedString Black Widow and the Hulk falling in love]]!
-->'''Bum!Captain America''': Oh, she just wants more attention so she can get a toyline!
-->'''Bum!Scarlet Witch''': She doesn't have a ''toyline''?!
-->'''Bum!Captain America''': Well, they said no one would buy a Black Widow toy!
-->'''Bum!Scarlet Witch''': Maybe because there ''are'' no Black Widow toys!
-->'''Bum!Captain America''': Can't we just go back to pretending there is no prejudice in the world?
-->'''Bum!Scarlet Witch''': Oh, [[TakeThat the Fox News approach!]]
-->'''Bum!Captain America''': Bingo!

-->'''Bum!Vision''': I am silly-looking purple man in a cape!
-->'''Bum!Iron Man''': Why am I not laughing my ass off at you?

-->'''Bum!Black Widow''': Hulk! Where are you going in that jet?
-->'''Bum!Hulk''': Even though I am big green monster who cannot think I am suddenly thinking now and I need time to myself!
-->'''Bum!Black Widow''': No, Hulk, we know what this really is! You just want your own movie again!
-->'''Bum!Hulk''': The Avengers didn't support me! I JUST NEED TO KNOW THERE IS A CHANCE!
-->'''Bum!Black Widow''': Then why are you flying away from me?!
-->'''Bum!Hulk''': Because we both know you will never get your own movie, you can't even get your own toyline!
-->'''Bum!Black Widow''': Goddamnit!
--> '''Bum!Hulk''': [[Film/TheMuppetMovie It's not easy being green]].
-->'''Bum!Black Widow''': ''Shut up''!

* ''Deadpool''

* ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxy''

* From Film/TheMuppets

-->'''Bum!Christian''': You must sign this non-disclosure agreement that you'll tell nobody we are dating.

'''Bum!Christian''': I imagine you're not a real journalist.\\

'''Bum!Christian''': You must sign this non-disclosure agreement that you'll tell nobody we are dating.

'''Bum!Christian''': I imagine you're not a real journalist.
'''Bum!Ana''': No, I work at a hardware store. I'm just subbing for my roommate.
'''Bum!Christian''': Couldn't your roommate have gotten another journalist to sub?
'''Bum!Ana''': Yes, but they wouldn't be as quiet, shy, or inexperienced.
'''Bum!Christian''': I find those qualities attractive in you for some reason.

'''Bum!Christian''': It's no more inconsistent than you hating my guess but still taking them. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': Well, uhm... \\

'''Bum!Ana''': Well, I uhm... \\
'''Bum!Christian''': And no more consistent than going into a relationship clearly I said it won't have any love [[LoveMartyr and yet you constantly try to get love out of it]]. \\
'''Bum!Ana''': What can I say? We spawn from Literature/{{Twilight}} Fanfiction. [[TakeThat There's really no direction to go but down]]. \\
'''Bum!Christian''': [[TakeThatAudience Oh, let's just give the horny midle-age ladies]] the bondage that they want. \\

''(Porn parody again)''

** Chester and his clone discussing [[YaoiGuys yaoi]].

* From his review of ''Film/TheIncredibleHulk'':
--> "Wait a minute! Iron Man, the Hulk, all the Marvel characters...OH MY GOD, Marvel is putting together a baseball team! Spider-Man can be the shortstop, Wolverine can be the pitcher, and the Hulk will be the umpire, because you do not want to piss off that umpire. He will eat you...I hear Howard the Duck has promise!"

** His idea of ''Star Trek'' if they were ducks and then starts singing the ''WesternAnimation/DuckTales'' theme.

** Andy's mid-life crisis [[ItMakesSenseInContext (at 17)]]. That is all.
*** The line that ALWAYS slays This Troper? "''NO! I'M HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS AT SEVENTEEN, AND I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT!''"

'''Chester!Fury:''' No, it�s not a cheap trailer.\\

'''Chester!Fury:''' It�s an ''actual'' trailer.\\

'''Chester:''' That�s right, we finally get a trailer for the Avengers movie! Or as I like to call it: ''Heads Turning Because We Don�t Have Any of the Action Scenes Shot Yet''! Hooray!

** While shuffling through a giant box of video games, Bum goes: "Do you have that one game that the Spoony One really likes � uh, ''Franchise/FinalFantasy 26''!"

---> '''Insano:''' I have used science and ingenuity to defeat all who oppose me� (''Watches the Bum flail around with a sword.'') �whereas he is simply stupid.

** Tis the season to be [[spoiler: [[{{Spoiler}} SPOILERS!!!!!]]]]

** "Disney, just because you can [[spoiler: kill off a main character]], doesn't mean you should. If that's the case, why didn't [[spoiler: you kill off]] Creator/RosieODonnell in WesternAnimation/{{Tarzan}}?!?!?! [[Film/PlanetOfTheApes1968 That damn dirty ape]].

* In his review of ''Paranormal Activity 2'', three words : mexican super nanny. [[spoiler:Chester strolls across the screen, [[UpUpAndAway his fist risen]] and singing the Mexican Hat Dance.]]

---> "Aiii-aii-ai-ai! [[spoiler:We ripped you off big time!]]"

** "If there's one thing I've learned, it's [[spoiler:never trust a turtle!]] Good advice."

'''Chester!Fury:''' No, it’s not a cheap trailer.\\

'''Chester!Fury:''' It’s an ''actual'' trailer.\\

'''Chester:''' That’s right, we finally get a trailer for the Avengers movie! Or as I like to call it: ''Heads Turning Because We Don’t Have Any of the Action Scenes Shot Yet''! Hooray!

** While shuffling through a giant box of video games, Bum goes: "Do you have that one game that the Spoony One really likes – uh, ''Franchise/FinalFantasy 26''!"

---> '''Insano:''' I have used science and ingenuity to defeat all who oppose me… (''Watches the Bum flail around with a sword.'') …whereas he is simply stupid.

** "I WAS BITTEN BY A RADIOACTIVE SPIDER ONCE! [[spoiler:It turned me into a ''cat''.]]"

** "So it turns out the bad guy all along was [[spoiler:some woman you never knew]]... WOOOOOW!"

-->'''Bum!Felix''': [[spoiler:(concerning the Cy-Bug invasion on ''Sugar Rush'')]] We have to stop this!

-->'''Bum''': It turns out [[spoiler:the glitch was really a princess of our kingdom the whole time!]]
-->'''Bum!Vanellope''': [[spoiler:Why a princess and not a queen?]]
-->'''Bum''': [[spoiler:Would you buy a product called Disney Queens?]]

** While reenacting [[spoiler:Theodora's transformation scene]], he has Theodora ask Evanora why she doesn't just give the [[spoiler:apple of wickedness]] to everybody in the kingdom. The look on Evanora!Bum's face is priceless.

** At the end he claims he woke up and realized that no anime could be as CrazyAwesome as he imagined Gurren Lagann could be. A shame, because it ''was'' a great dream, except for the part at the end where Chester got castrated. And then he realizes that it might ''not'' have been a dream, that the anime is real! Which would mean...! *Chester looks in his pants* "[[BigNo NOOOOOOOO!]]"

** "So Bella is going to give birth to a half human, half vampire hybrid... OH MY GOD SHE'S GIVING BIRTH TO ComicBook/{{BLADE}}!!!"

** "So Bella is going to give birth to a half human, half vampire hybrid... OH MY GOD SHE'S GIVING BIRTH TO Franchise/{{BLADE}}!!!"

** Chester's impression of Nick Fury
-->'''Chester:''' So eventually he's thawed out by Samuel L. Jackson... dressed as a pirate
-->'''Chester:''' yo mother(beep) ho

** (to Rocket Raccoon) Can you sing "Run With Us" from [[WesternAnimation/TheRaccoons that Canadian cartoon]]?

-->"I was an Asian Boy Scout once! Wasn't that a weird week."

*** And later... "And they all live happily ever after...ALL of them. The bird (CAW!), Carl (Meh), the boy (Wow!), the dog (Squirrel!), the chipmunk dog (''indeed.''), Muntz (BIIIIIIIIIIIIR- No, no, not Muntz. He's dead."

---> I was in Russia once! They said I wasn't Jewish enough... or was that a brothel? It was a Russian Brothel! (Imitating Russian Accent) I will go down on you for twenty Rubles

--->"It's done!"

-->''He defeats people by putting them up other people's asses! That better happen in the new Dark Knight movie! The Joker will be like "I am going to kill everyone!" and Batman will be like "You are going inside an ass!" Bloo-bloo-bloo-bloo-splut! THE END!''
* Chester arguing with his penis.

** Just his impersonation of Edward Cullen sounding as bland and monotone as possible is pure hilarity.

--> '''Chester A. Bum''': "And so Harry becomes extremely lucky, because he drinks this luck potion! And I'm like: 'pfft. Yeah, who ''hasn't'' seen ''Series/RedDwarf''?' What? I'm brushed up on my United Kingdom sci-fi/comedies, isn't everyone? Pfft. Savages."

* Chester's entire wanderings through Youmacon after taking a bit too much LSD. Probably the best bit is doing the Marx Brothers mirror routine with a Chester A. Bum cosplayer.

* "What's with all these movies showing their titles twice? First ''Film/TerminatorSalvation'', now this. Do they really think we're gonna forget the title in five seconds? Actually, considering what I just smoked, that's not a bad idea."

** "Let's see if we can find Alan Menken in this forest! PLEASE find Alan Menken in this forest!"

** "Disney, just because you can [[spoiler: kill off a main character]], doesn't mean you should. If that's the case, why didn't [[spoiler: you kill off]] Rosie O'Donnell in WesternAnimation/{{Tarzan}}?!?!?! [[Film/PlanetOfTheApes1968 That damn dirty ape.]]

--> '''Fenner!Chester:''' Well, seeing as it's the 1920's, yes.

** "There's this actor, called Benicio Del Toro, and he's playing this actor, whose name is ''not'' Benicio Del Toro! Woah, I just blew my mind!"

* Chester gets a lawyer. HilarityEnsues . "We will get...A BOX!"

** (to Iron Man by Black Sabbath) "I am Iron Man, like a super hero in a garbage can."

** "What a way to go - death by robe! Kinda like a Richard Burton movie... Yeah, I know." [[DontExplainTheJoke * joke-over-the-head motion* ]]

** "I WAS RUNNING FROM THE LAW ONCE!" * sirens, Chester panics and ducks.*

--> They control him by turning on the Jerky Idiot Mode! * pause* I think that's the mode Radio/GlennBeck has been on [[TakeThat for a while now.]]

--->'''Bum''': Thought X-Men: Days of Future Past is a ''really really'' good movie, and so much better than that ''awful'' [[Film/XMenTheLastStand X-Men 3]]. All they did in that one was kill people off from the other films, move giant monuments around and not stick to the comicbook story. With this one is ''totally different''! [[HypocriticalHumor In this one they kill people off from the other films, move giant monuments around and they totally don't stick to the comicbook story]]. [[HypocriticalFandom My friends, they're finally starting to learn]].

* His pointing out all the loopholes in the way the magical curses work in ''Disney/ThePrincessAndTheFrog''.

** "Disney, just because you can [[spoiler: kill off a main character]], doesn't mean you should. If that's the case, why didn't [[spoiler: you kill off]] Rosie O'Donnell in Disney/{{Tarzan}}?!?!?! [[Film/PlanetOfTheApes1968 That damn dirty ape.]]

** "So I ''really'' liked ''WesternAnimation/{{Ferngully}}''" * BZZZT* "''Disney/{{Pocahontas}}?''" * BZZZT!* "''Disney/AtlantisTheLostEmpire''?" * BZZZT* "''Film/DancesWithWolves''?" * BZZZT* "''Avatar''?" * Ding!* "[[BlatantLies The most ORIGINAL movie I've ever seen in my life!]]"

* From ''Disney/WreckItRalph'':

*** "...It's a left-over pun from ''Disney/WreckItRalph''."

** "LOOK OUT! A GUY WHO SOUNDS LIKE SCAR FROM [[Disney/TheLionKing THE LION KING]]!"

** When Aurora thinks Maleficent is a fairy godmother, Chester says that she's in the [[Disney/{{Cinderella}} wrong movie]], and it's [[TakeThat going to be ruined next March instead.]]

--> [[CrossesTheLineTwice "Why is it that Nazi's are always the bad guys?"]]

---> '''Xavier''': To control your power, you must first control your anger. Just like I control my hairloss.
---> '''Magneto''': Why is it that I don't trust you?

** Chester can't be bothered with remembering Gale's name so he calls him [[{{Twilight}} Jacob]].

* From {{Twilight}}: Breaking Dawn Part 1 :

** "So Bella is going to give birth to a half human, half vampire hybrid... OH MY GOD SHE'S GIVING BIRTH TO [[Franchise/{{Blade}} BLADE!!!]]"

* Bum Reviews ''Film/StarTrek'', best summed up with five words:

*** Then in a HeartwarmingMoment, Bum tries again and leads the entire crowd in singing "Oh, Canada."

** Describing ''Fix-It Felix Jr.'' as "if [[SuperMarioBros Mario and Luigi]] finally did it, this would be their offspring."

-->'''Bum!Vanellope''': It's true; I do look like a {{Bratz}} doll if they had a soul.

** They re-enact that scene that everyone laughs at! No not that one. No not that one. No not that one. Yeah, that one! The one where they jump from ship to ship! And they actually logically explain it! ...ish.

* From TheBorrowerArrietty:

--> They control him by turning on the Jerky Idiot Mode! * pause* I think that's the mode GlennBeck has been on [[TakeThat for a while now.]]