History Funny / BattleTech

* The Jolly Roger affair, which saw the comical levels of incompetence that plagued early [=ComStar=]'s ROM and [=ComGuards=] in full display. The ROM supplied several groups of pirates with high end 'mechs and aerospace assets, so said pirates could weaken their regional opponents. However, two leaders of said pirate groups, "Black" Jack [=McGirk=] and Darleen Dunson [[LoveAtFirstSight fell in love with each other]] and declared they would unite their outfits into a single unit, one that proved too strong to be controlled. ROM then sent forth a [=ComGuard=] Precentor to negotiate a return to [=ComStar=]'s agenda, who [[EpicFail fudged the negotiations so badly that their bodyguards had to shoot their way out of the meeting]], killing Dunson in the process. This development made [=McGirk=] [[{{Understatement}} understandably upset]] and he proceeded to embark on a campaign of extermination on any and all [=ComStar=] units he could find, [=ComStar=] responded by throwing a full division at him, [[NoKillLikeOverkill thinking it would be a roll over]]. Under most circumstances, it would be, had it not been for the fact that ROM had spent [[DidNotThinkThisThrough the last 3 years supplying him with roughly a Regiment's worth of high end Battlemechs]], which were being driven by skilled pilots, hardened by years of piracy and warfare, and who were baying for blood after their well-liked and respected boss was pointlessly killed. Without the overwhelming tech disparity to hold them back, the pirates managed to inflict horrendous casualties in the [=ComGuards=], who were forced to just overwhelm them with numbers, something they would suceed in doing, but [[PyrrhicVictory the resulting bodycount would favour the pirates a little over 2 to 1]].

* During the Fourth Succession War, Janos Marik was perfectly willing for the Free Worlds League to sit the war out and abandon his allies in the Kapteyn Accords, since his enemy-turned-'ally' Maximilian Liao instigated the League's civil war thirteen years prior by aiding Anton Marik's rebellion, and he was only convinced to unwillingly sign on to Kapteyn at the negotiations by Takashi Kurita. When Liao insultingly pushes Marik to honor their alliance and help the Capellan Confederation, the League's ruler happily sends him one shipload's worth of "military" supplies - supplies with Capellan ID codes, recovered from his treasonous brother's stronghold after the civil war. Amongst the items the "care package" included were expired Capellan rations (dated back to 3015, from Anton's rebellion), old CCAF bandages and tires found in Anton's stockpiles, some rolls of toilet paper, a ''single'' bottle of Prozac (with instructions that it is [[YoureInsane to be handed personally to Chancellor Liao]]...), .22 bullets and air gun pellets, and ''a pair of adult entertainment dolls of Hanse and Melissa'', no, not even the good ones that were made in Canopus.

* The Jolly Roger affair, which saw the comical levels of incompetence that plagued early [=ComStar=]'s ROM and [=ComGuards=] in full display. The ROM supplied several groups of pirates with high end 'mechs and aerospace assets, so said pirates could weaken their regional opponents. However, two leaders of said pirate groups, "Black" Jack [=McGirk=] and Darleen Dunson [[LoveAtFirstSight fell in love with each other]] and declared they would unite their outfits into a single unit, one that proved too strong to be controlled. ROM then sent forth a [=ComGuard=] Precentor to negotiate a return to [=ComStar=]'s agenda, he fudged the negotiations so badly that his unit had to shoot his way out of the meeting, killing Darleen Dunson in the process. This development made [=McGirk=] [[{{Understatement}} understandably upset]] and he proceeded to embark on a campaign of extermination on any and all [=ComStar=] units he could find, [=ComStar=] responded by throwing a full division at him, thinking it would be a roll over. Under most circumstances, it would be, had it not been for the fact that ROM had spent [[DidNotThinkThisThrough the last 3 years supplying him with roughly a Regiment's worth of high end Battlemechs]], which were being driven by skilled pilots, hardened by years of piracy and warfare, and baying for [=ComStar=]'s head after they caused their beloved boss' death. Without the overwhelming tech disparity to hold them back, the pirates managed to inflict horrendous casualties in the [=ComGuards=], who were forced to just overwhelm them with numbers, something they would suceed in doing, but [[PyrrhicVictory the resulting bodycount would favour the pirates a little over 2 to 1]].

!The Animated Series:
* In the first scene of the first episode has Nikolai Malthus making his battle challenge (a critical aspect of Clan rules of engagement), [[{{Narm}} we get this gem:]]
-->'''Malthus:''' You ''DARE'' to refuse my Batchall?!
-->'''Steiner:''' Refuse your what?

** In the same sourcebook, the picture for the Training skill features an instructor who DrivesLikeCrazy piloting a 'Mech with a trainee in the rumble seat. The instructor has a SlasherSmile. The trainee looks like he just wet himself.

** Actuator Enhancement System -- ''"New from Defiance Industries: the'' Axman, ''now with [[Toys/GIJoe Kung-Fu Grip]]!"''

* This little gem from the FlavorText for the "Think Tank" card from the Battletech CCG:
-->''"Lock them in a room, slide a couple pizzas under the door and they'll work wonders."''

* During the Fourth Succession War, Janos Marik was perfectly willing for the Free Worlds League to sit the war out and abandon his allies in the Kapteyn Accords, since his enemy-turned-'ally' Maximilian Liao instigated the League's civil war thirteen years prior by aiding Anton Marik's rebellion, and he was only convinced to unwillingly sign on to Kapteyn at the negotiations by Takashi Kurita. When Liao insultingly pushes Marik to honor their alliance and help the Capellan Confederation, the League's ruler happily sends him one shipload's worth of "military" supplies - supplies with Capellan ID codes, recovered from his treasonous brother's stronghold after the civil war. Amongst the items the "care package" included were expired Capellan rations (dated back to 3015, from Anton's rebellion), old CCAF bandages and tires found in Anton's stockpiles, some rolls of toilet paper, a ''single'' bottle of Prozac, .22 bullets and air gun pellets, and ''a pair of adult entertainment dolls of Hanse and Melissa'', no, not even the good ones that were made in Canopus.

* Sometimes, even the machines themselves have amusing stories. An amusing example is that of the [[TankGoodness Alacorn]]. The treads have to be at a specific tension to prevent damage while driving. The tanks are shipped with a particular tool that shows the minimum and maximum threshold. But the tool is easily lost. That’s when technicians got creative. You see, there is a brand of beer called Pharoah that comes in a pyramid can. Coincidentally, that can’s dimensions precisely match those thresholds for the tread tension. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial But only a freshly opened can matches the specs, as the change in pressure deforms the can quickly.]] Needless to say, Alacorn techs are very diligent in their track maintenance.