History Fanfic / PRIMARCHS

* ParentalIssues: As in the normal [=WH40K=], this runs rampant with the Primarchs. [[OedipusComplex And Malekith]].

* HeelFaceMole: [[spoiler: Konrad Curze]] in the Plot Hole arc.

* WeaponOfChoice:

* RuleOfCool: Invoked, lampshaded, and played for laughs by turning it UpToEleven.

The story begins with the titular {{super soldier}}s getting together in a pub in the Eye of Terror, and bemoaning the fact that they never get coverage in the official Games Workshop background any more. Uniting under their father the Emperor of Mankind, the dysfunctional family resolve to strike back at the forces of {{Retcon}} that are ruining their grimdark universe, and to do this by defeating the gratuitously-shoehorned C'tan and putting them back in their place. Things get worse, however, when they discover that the C'tan have nothing less than a full-blown GenreShift on their minds, and are planning to sell the [=40K=] franchise to another company who want to Japanify it into something more marketable to kids (cue cameo by Aerith of ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'', among others). By a VERY circuitous route, and picking up [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters many secondary characters]] along the way, the Primarchs eventually collect the {{Plot Coupon}}s they need to access the laptop of GW fluff-writer Alan Merrett. A final battle with the C'tan to decide the future of the [=40K=] franchise follows...

* LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters

''P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S'' Is a Forum-based Script Fic based on the background of TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} (and its many plot holes) created by Warseer Forum member Lastie, affectionately refered to as the [[AC: Chaos God-Emperor of Fankind]] by his more devout fans. She has built up a rather large cult following on Warseer forum, referring to themselves as the '=L= Inquisition' or 'Linquisition' in a parody of the Imperial Inquisition.

The ''P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S'' story begins with the titular {{super soldier}}s getting together in a pub in the Eye of Terror, and bemoaning the fact that they never get coverage in the official Games Workshop background any more. Uniting under their father the [[strike:Emperor]] [[AC:Emperor of Mankind!]], the dysfunctional family resolve to strike back at the forces of {{Retcon}} that are ruining their grimdark universe, and to do this by defeating the gratuitously-shoehorned C'tan and putting them back in their place. Things get worse, however, when they discover that the C'tan have nothing less than a full-blown GenreShift on their minds, and are planning to sell the [=40K=] franchise to another company who want to Japanify it into something more marketable to kids (cue cameo by Aerith of ''Franchise/FinalFantasy'' fame, among others). By a VERY circuitous route, and picking up [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters many secondary characters]] along the way, the Primarchs eventually collect the {{Plot Coupon}}s they need to access the laptop of GW fluff-writer Alan Merrett. A final battle with the C'tan to decide the future of the [=40K=] franchise follows...

After the conclusion of the Retcon arc, the 18 canon Primarchs are reunited with their 2 missing siblings - [[TheSlacker Carl]], who was too lazy to lead his space marine legion in the Great Crusade, and [[LadyOfWar Hecate]], who was forcibly removed due to fan rage at the concept of female space marines. But a new threat looms, for despite the grimdark of their universe being restored, the constant retconning of background has left the franchise rife with inconsistencies. An EldritchAbomination known only as the Plot Hole is now invading - after chewing its way through other universes such as VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, Franchise/FinalFantasy, Franchise/StarWars and Franchise/HarryPotter - and has an army of characters from these devoured franchises at its disposal. Martialing their own forces, the Primarchs meet the new enemy head on with all the subtlety you can expect from a team of {{God Mode Sue}}s. Highlights include time travel, Alpharius privatising the Tau Empire, and Horus hitting the Death Star with a baseball bat (yes, [[Franchise/StarWars that Death Star]]). But against an enemy that can [[AssPull rewrite the story]] to its own advantage, how can the Primarchs prevail? Why, with [[Wiki/TVTropes the Tome of Tropes]] of course. Against a creature that devours {{canon}} (making Alan Merrett's laptop useless), it seems that ''{{fanon}}'' is the best weapon. And so the stage is set for a grand [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover multi-universe]] showdown between our heroes and the forces of the Plot Hole. Eventually, the AnthropomorphicPersonification of bad writing is defeated, but the only way the Primarchs can salvage the mess left behind is to DELETE THE LAST 80 CHAPTERS OF THE STORY, much to the Narrator's chagrin.

But despite this SnapBack, this is not the end of the Primarchs' troubles, as evinced by a series of workers' strikes and by rebellion on Holy Terra itself. The Primarchs are baffled enough that worker's unions have even come to ''exist'' in their [[CrapsackWorld crapsack universe]], but it turns out they have been inspired by the LighterAndSofter ideals of Lion'el Jonson's ex-girlfriend Aerith. There follows another series of extremely random adventures, during which [[MagnificentBastard Eldrad]] goes so far as to enlist the help of {{Canon Foreigner}}s from other posters in Lastie's thread. It turns out that [[spoiler: Aerith is none other than the Plot Hole returned; while the Primarchs used fanon to plug the gaps in their main narrative, their satellite franchises are still rife with bad writing, allowing the Plot Hole to return at the head of the Blood Ravens from VideoGame/DawnOfWar.]] This revelation culminates in (yet another) UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny. The third arc ends on a massive cliffhanger with [[spoiler: Eldrad screwing over the Primarchs at the last minute because one of the {{Canon Immigrant}}s refused to have sex with him, resulting in the Plot Hole's apparent victory and the Primarchs being scattered throughout time and space (and other franchises)]].

Shortly after this the original thread was closed due to the actions of an over-zealous mod, however a couple of folks on FF.net have begun re-posting Lastie's work, albeit without the forum-signature different colored text for Gods. Read the AWESOME and WIN [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5645987/1/PRIMARCHS here]]. The various reviews and fan-fanfiction have also been rescued and can be found [[https://role-player.net/forum/showthread.php?t=36171&page=151&p=2945215&viewfull=1#post2945215 here]].

Meanwhile, Lastie herself has not been idle and the P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S fourth arc is now underway [[http://www.warseer.com/forums/showthread.php?p=4781473#post4781473 here]]. In the absence of the Emperor and his Primarchs, Malcador and Eldrad have joined forces to turn the 40K universe into [[LighterAndSofter somewhere you might actually want to live]], but a crisis develops when [[spoiler: Eldrad]] merges with the Plot Hole and sets out to take control of the narrative. Luckily the Primarchs choose this moment to return (via a HandWave) and restore some GrimDark to the setting, but it seems that once again they cannot stay united in their cause...

* AbusiveParents: The Emperor is this. Not only did he obliterate the only mother figure the Primarchs ever had (a kind scientist named Julie) right in front of them, for reading a bed time story that he considered lame, he deliberately sent them to the Warp jut so that he could have sex with Hecate's legions.

* AscendedFanboy: Arguably forum member [=FarseerMatt=], who contributes a great deal of the so-called {{MST}}s of the story and the fan-made content, usually to the sounds of HilarityEnsues. Lastie took a character used by [=FarseerMatt=] and upgraded her to the ''Main Narrative'', causing her to become "Canon" - she in fact played an integral part in the finale of the third arc.

--> '''Horus:''' Yes ... I am Warmaster ... I was not made for peace ... I was not made for the world my father saw ... my world is in endless bloodshed ... my world is the crucible of war ... my world is the grim darkness of the far future ...
--> I am Horus, Warmaster of Chaos. I bow to none but lords of war. Where my blade falls, death follows. Where my blade points; legions conquer. Dark has my dreams been of late, filled with moral values and family-friendly entertainment. No longer will this plague my domain! The grim darkness of the far future shall return, [[SugarWiki/MomentOfAwesome by my command!]]

* [[SmallNameBigEgo Big Name, MONOLITHIC Ego]]: The Emperor, Eldrad, ALL the Primarchs, and others. PlayedForLaughs of course.

-->'''Pete Haines''': "You are not Iron Warriors. Prepare for the Nerfhammer!"
-->'''Dan Abnett''': "[[SugarWiki/FunnyMoments I choose YOU as my shock death of the book!]]"

* CrackFic: And how!

* EmoTeen: Mortarion. He even writes poetry.

** Shouldn't that be AnythingThatMoves?
*** Who said it had to move?

* FaceHeelTurn: Of all people, [[spoiler: [[AC:THE EMPEROR OF MANKIND!]] in the second arc. He comes back though.]]

** [[spoiler: Eldrad]] in the Lords of Canon arc - that is, [[JerkAss if he counted as a good guy to begin with]].
** [[HeelFaceMole Face Heel Mole]]: [[spoiler: Konrad Curze]] in the Plot Hole arc.

* FanFic: Pretty much what this is. Also there are ''Fan Fics of the Fan Fic.''
** That's just plain unholy.

* HannibalLecture: [[VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft The Lich King]] gives one to the [[AC:EMPEROR OF MANKIND!]], taunting him with how much his Imperium has strayed from his vision. Subverted when [[spoiler:the Emperor actually turns evil, and a bewildered Arthas admits he was just trying mess with him.]]

* HypocriticalHumour: Duh.

* JiveTurkey: Robute Guilleman.
** The rest of his chapter happily follows suit.

* LampshadeHanging: On an epic scale, and no small amount of {{Deconstruction}} as well.
** Not surprising when one of the plot arcs revolves around the acquisition of "the Tome of Tropes".

** Well, can you blame him when they constantly [[RunningTheAsylum hijack the plot]] and [[CanonDiscontinuity delete her work]]?
*** Did you expect anything else from a bunch of self-confessed [[BlackHoleSue Black Hole Sues]]?

* MasterOfDisguise: Alpharius again (see above spoiler). Taken to fourth-wall-breaking levels even from his first introduction, where he reveals himself by climbing down from the banner at the top of the webpage the story is typed on.
** Though Konrad's assassins also get in on the act.

--> '''Lorgar (to Horus):''' Sometimes I'm not sure when you're acting dumb, or when you want me to '''think''' you're acting dumb ...

-->'''Fenix:''' “Damn, probably shouldn’t have milked that landing…”

* PunnyName: Pie May ("As in Pie may kick your ass if you do not do as you are told!")

* RuleOfFunny: And how!

* [[ScrewTheRulesIHavePlot Screw The Rules I Have Plot (Holes)]]

* ShoutOut: Far, far too many to list.
** In a more recurring shout out, the captains of Vulcan's Salamanders chapter are called [[Creator/ChuckNorris Captain Norris]], [[Series/TwentyFour Captain Bauer]] and [[Creator/SamuelLJackson Captain L Jackson]].

* {{Sorry I Left The BGM On}}: When Lion'el Jonson first appears, the others identify him by his theme tune ([[spoiler: One Winged Angel]])

* ThemeNaming: Ferrus Manus, the series' resident computer geek, names his flagship the ''Leet Haxxor''.

* TooKinkyToTorture: Slaanesh (of course).

* WeaponOfChoice: Frequently taking RefugeInAudacity, such as Angron's "bloodchucks" (nunchaku with BLOODTHIRSTERS tied to each end).

After the conclusion of the Retcon arc, the 18 canon Primarchs are reunited with their 2 missing siblings - [[TheSlacker Carl]], who was too lazy to lead his space marine legion in the Great Crusade, and [[LadyOfWar Hecate]], who was forcibly removed due to fan rage at the concept of female space marines. But a new threat looms, for despite the grimdark of their universe being restored, the constant retconning of background has left the franchise rife with inconsistencies. An EldritchAbomination known only as the Plot Hole is now invading - after chewing its way through other universes such as VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, Franchise/FinalFantasy, StarWars and Franchise/HarryPotter - and has an army of characters from these devoured franchises at its disposal. Martialing their own forces, the Primarchs meet the new enemy head on with all the subtlety you can expect from a team of {{God Mode Sue}}s. Highlights include time travel, Alpharius privatising the Tau Empire, and Horus hitting the Death Star with a baseball bat (yes, [[StarWars that]] Death Star). But against an enemy that can [[AssPull rewrite the story]] to its own advantage, how can the Primarchs prevail? Why, with [[Wiki/TVTropes the Tome of Tropes]] of course. Against a creature that devours {{canon}} (making Alan Merrett's laptop useless), it seems that ''{{fanon}}'' is the best weapon. And so the stage is set for a grand [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover multi-universe]] showdown between our heroes and the forces of the Plot Hole. Eventually, the AnthropomorphicPersonification of bad writing is defeated, but the only way the Primarchs can salvage the mess left behind is to DELETE THE LAST 80 CHAPTERS OF THE STORY, much to the Narrator's chagrin.

* {{TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life}}: A number of in-jokes reference tropes [[ConversationalTroping by name]], not to mention that ''aquiring'' the "[[Wiki/TVTropes Tome of Tropes]]" is a whole plot point in the 2nd arc. Happily, [[Administrivia/TropesAreTools TV Tropes Will Also Save The Universe]].

=P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S= Is a Forum-based Script Fic based on the background of TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} (and its many plot holes) created by Warseer Forum member Lastie, affectionately refered to as the [[AC: Chaos God-Emperor of Fankind]] by his more devout fans. She has built up a rather large cult following on Warseer forum, referring to themselves as the '=L= Inquisition' or 'Linquisition' in a parody of the Imperial Inquisition.

The P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S story begins with the titular {{super soldier}}s getting together in a pub in the Eye of Terror, and bemoaning the fact that they never get coverage in the official Games Workshop background any more. Uniting under their father the [[strike:Emperor]] [[AC:Emperor of Mankind!]], the dysfunctional family resolve to strike back at the forces of {{Retcon}} that are ruining their grimdark universe, and to do this by defeating the gratuitously-shoehorned C'tan and putting them back in their place. Things get worse, however, when they discover that the C'tan have nothing less than a full-blown GenreShift on their minds, and are planning to sell the [=40K=] franchise to another company who want to Japanify it into something more marketable to kids (cue cameo by Aerith of ''Franchise/FinalFantasy'' fame, among others). By a VERY circuitous route, and picking up [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters many secondary characters]] along the way, the Primarchs eventually collect the {{Plot Coupon}}s they need to access the laptop of GW fluff-writer Alan Merrett. A final battle with the C'tan to decide the future of the [=40K=] franchise follows...

* {{TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life}}: A number of in-jokes reference tropes [[ConversationalTroping by name]], not to mention that ''aquiring'' the "[[Wiki/TVTropes Tome of Tropes]]" is a whole plot point in the 2nd arc. Happily, [[TropesAreNotBad TV Tropes Will Also Save The Universe]].

* AbusiveParents: The Emperor is this. Not only did he obliterate the only mother figure the Primarchs ever had (a kind scientist named Julie) right in front of them, for reading a bed time story that he considered lame, he deliberately sent them to the warp jut so that he could have sex with Hecate's legions.

--> I am Horus, Warmaster of Chaos. I bow to none but lords of war. Where my blade falls, death follows. Where my blade points; legions conquer. Dark has my dreams been of late, filled with moral values and family-friendly entertainment. No longer will this plague my domain! The grim darkness of the far future shall return, [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome by my command!]]

-->'''Dan Abnett''': "[[CrowningMomentOfFunny I choose YOU as my shock death of the book!]]"

* {{Overcrank}}: Fenix (the ranger, not the [[StarCraft Protoss]] - he vehemently denies any connection) during one fight scene. He takes so long that the rest of the fight moves on without him.

After the conclusion of the Retcon arc, the 18 canon Primarchs are reunited with their 2 missing siblings - [[TheSlacker Carl]], who was too lazy to lead his space marine legion in the Great Crusade, and [[LadyOfWar Hecate]], who was forcibly removed due to fan rage at the concept of female space marines. But a new threat looms, for despite the grimdark of their universe being restored, the constant retconning of background has left the franchise rife with inconsistencies. An EldritchAbomination known only as the Plot Hole is now invading - after chewing its way through other universes such as VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, Franchise/FinalFantasy, StarWars and Franchise/HarryPotter - and has an army of characters from these devoured franchises at its disposal. Martialing their own forces, the Primarchs meet the new enemy head on with all the subtlety you can expect from a team of {{God Mode Sue}}s. Highlights include time travel, Alpharius privatising the Tau Empire, and Horus hitting the Death Star with a baseball bat (yes, [[StarWars that]] Death Star). But against an enemy that can [[AssPull rewrite the story]] to its own advantage, how can the Primarchs prevail? Why, with [[ThisWiki the Tome of Tropes]] of course. Against a creature that devours {{canon}} (making Alan Merrett's laptop useless), it seems that ''{{fanon}}'' is the best weapon. And so the stage is set for a grand [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover multi-universe]] showdown between our heroes and the forces of the Plot Hole. Eventually, the AnthropomorphicPersonification of bad writing is defeated, but the only way the Primarchs can salvage the mess left behind is to DELETE THE LAST 80 CHAPTERS OF THE STORY, much to the Narrator's chagrin.

* {{TV Tropes Will Ruin Your Life}}: A number of in-jokes reference tropes [[ConversationalTroping by name]], not to mention that ''aquiring'' the "[[ThisWiki Tome of Tropes]]" is a whole plot point in the 2nd arc. Happily, [[TropesAreNotBad TV Tropes Will Also Save The Universe]].

* ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem: When they're not invoking the various Rules of Index, they're usually making up their own.

* Overcrank: Fenix (the ranger, not the [[StarCraft Protoss]] - he vehemently denies any connection) during one fight scene. He takes so long that the rest of the fight moves on without him.

=P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S= Is a Forum-based Script Fic based on the background of TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} (and its many plot holes) created by Warseer Forum member Lastie, affectionately refered to as the [[AC: Chaos God-Emperor of Fankind]] by his more devout fans. He has built up a rather large cult following on Warseer forum, referring to themselves as the '=L= Inquisition' or 'Linquisition' in a parody of the Imperial Inquisition.

Shortly after this the original thread was closed due to the actions of an over-zealous mod, however a couple of folks on FF.net have begun re-posting Lastie's work, albeit without the forum-signature different colored text for Gods. Read the AWESOME and WIN [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5645987/1/PRIMARCHS here]].

* AuthorExistenceFailure: Even Lastie herself is not safe from the power of the Emperor's REJECTION! Luckily [[spoiler: Eldrad brings her back to life]]

* ExecutiveMeddling: The original thread is currently "removed for investigation" due to alleged spam (however, the full script is still available from the links given above).

* FanFic: Pretty much what this is.
** Also there are ''Fan Fics of the Fan Fic.''
*** That's just plain unholy.

* HostileShowTakeover

* LemonyNarrator: Lastie often snarks and argues with his characters.
** Well, can you blame him when they constantly [[RunningTheAsylum hijack the plot]] and [[CanonDiscontinuity delete his work]]?

* SamusIsAGirl: Lastie is a girl.

* ScrewTheRulesIMakeThem: And when they're not invoking the above rules, they're usually making up their own.

* TheUsualAdversaries: "[=***=]ing C'tan!"

* WriterRevolt: The first arc revolves around the Primarchs rebelling against the constant retcons of their universe's background (primarily, the constant shoe-horning involving the C'tan). The second involves fighting the AnthropomorphicPersonification of the plot holes consuming their franchise. Unfortunately, despite [[spoiler: solving the problem by the simple expedient of pressing the ResetButton]] they [[spoiler: forgot to similarly reset their satellite franchises (such as VideoGame/DawnOfWar), allowing the Plot Hole to return]] in the third arc.

* {{Crossover}}: Most notably with VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, but ''Franchise/FinalFantasy'', {{Starcraft}} and TabletopGame/{{Warhammer}} also feature. Not to mention the dozens of universes that become involved in the Plot Hole arc.

* [[strike:SmallNameBigEgo]] [[SmallNameBigEgo Big Name MONOLITHIC Ego]]: The Emperor, Eldrad, [[strike:Horus]] ALL the Primarchs, and others. PlayedForLaughs of course.

* {{Badass}}: Literally dozens of them trying to one-up each other throughout the story, but one deserves a special mention because his appearance prompted even [[GodModeSue Horus]] to raise an eyebrow - [[spoiler: Admiral Adama from ''Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|2003}}'']].

* GenreSavvy: Sometimes [[DangerouslyGenreSavvy dangerously]] so, sometimes [[WrongGenreSavvy wrong]], and at least as often TooDumbToLive.

** In a more recurring shout out, the captains of Vulcan's Salamanders chapter are called [[ChuckNorris Captain Norris]], [[Series/TwentyFour Captain Bauer]] and [[Creator/SamuelLJackson Captain L Jackson]].

** Lion'el Jonson combines both the EmoTeen and ''Franchise/FinalFantasy'' sides of his personality in a {{BFS}} that screams "[[LinkinPark CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIN!]]" when he draws it.

Shortly after this the original thread was closed due to the actions of an over-zealous mod, however a couple of folks on FF.net have begun re-posting Lastie's work, albeit without the forum-signature different colored text for Gods. Read the AWESOME and WIN [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5645987/1/PRIMARCHS here]] (complete, but single chapters) or [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5483979/1/PRIMARCHS_by_Lastie here]] (incomplete, 10 chapters at a go).

* {{Badass}}: Literally dozens of them trying to one-up each other throughout the story, but one deserves a special mention because his appearance prompted even [[GodModeSue Horus]] to raise an eyebrow - [[spoiler: Admiral Adama from the new Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|Reimagined}}]].

But despite this SnapBack, this is not the end of the Primarchs' troubles, as evinced by a series of workers' strikes and by rebellion on Holy Terra itself. The Primarchs are baffled enough that worker's unions have even come to ''exist'' in their [[CrapsackWorld crapsack universe]], but it turns out they have been inspired by the LighterAndSofter ideals of Lion'el Jonson's ex-girlfriend Aerith. There follows another series of extremely random adventures, during which [[MagnificentBastard Eldrad]] goes so far as to enlist the help of {{Canon Foreigner}}s from other posters in Lastie's thread. It turns out that [[spoiler: Aerith is none other than the Plot Hole returned; while the Primarchs used fanon to plug the gaps in their main narrative, their satellite franchises are still rife with bad writing, allowing the Plot Hole to return at the head of the Blood Ravens from DawnOfWar.]] This revelation culminates in (yet another) UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny. The third arc ends on a massive cliffhanger with [[spoiler: Eldrad screwing over the Primarchs at the last minute because one of the {{Canon Immigrant}}s refused to have sex with him, resulting in the Plot Hole's apparent victory and the Primarchs being scattered throughout time and space (and other franchises)]].

* AFateWorseThanDeath: Played for laughs in what various characters consider this to be. A common one is to have to read the DawnOfWar omnibus.

* WriterRevolt: The first arc revolves around the Primarchs rebelling against the constant retcons of their universe's background (primarily, the constant shoe-horning involving the C'tan). The second involves fighting the AnthropomorphicPersonification of the plot holes consuming their franchise. Unfortunately, despite [[spoiler: solving the problem by the simple expedient of pressing the ResetButton]] they [[spoiler: forgot to similarly reset their satellite franchises (such as DawnOfWar), allowing the Plot Hole to return]] in the third arc.

The P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S story begins with the titular {{super soldier}}s getting together in a pub in the Eye of Terror, and bemoaning the fact that they never get coverage in the official Games Workshop background any more. Uniting under their father the [[strike:Emperor]] [[AC:Emperor of Mankind!]], the dysfunctional family resolve to strike back at the forces of {{Retcon}} that are ruining their grimdark universe, and to do this by defeating the gratuitously-shoehorned C'tan and putting them back in their place. Things get worse, however, when they discover that the C'tan have nothing less than a full-blown GenreShift on their minds, and are planning to sell the [=40K=] franchise to another company who want to Japanify it into something more marketable to kids (cue cameo by Aerith of FinalFantasy fame, among others). By a VERY circuitous route, and picking up [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters many secondary characters]] along the way, the Primarchs eventually collect the {{Plot Coupon}}s they need to access the laptop of GW fluff-writer Alan Merrett. A final battle with the C'tan to decide the future of the [=40K=] franchise follows...

After the conclusion of the Retcon arc, the 18 canon Primarchs are reunited with their 2 missing siblings - [[TheSlacker Carl]], who was too lazy to lead his space marine legion in the Great Crusade, and [[LadyOfWar Hecate]], who was forcibly removed due to fan rage at the concept of female space marines. But a new threat looms, for despite the grimdark of their universe being restored, the constant retconning of background has left the franchise rife with inconsistencies. An EldritchAbomination known only as the Plot Hole is now invading - after chewing its way through other universes such as VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, FinalFantasy, StarWars and Franchise/HarryPotter - and has an army of characters from these devoured franchises at its disposal. Martialing their own forces, the Primarchs meet the new enemy head on with all the subtlety you can expect from a team of {{God Mode Sue}}s. Highlights include time travel, Alpharius privatising the Tau Empire, and Horus hitting the Death Star with a baseball bat (yes, [[StarWars that]] Death Star). But against an enemy that can [[AssPull rewrite the story]] to its own advantage, how can the Primarchs prevail? Why, with [[ThisWiki the Tome of Tropes]] of course. Against a creature that devours {{canon}} (making Alan Merrett's laptop useless), it seems that ''{{fanon}}'' is the best weapon. And so the stage is set for a grand [[MassiveMultiplayerCrossover multi-universe]] showdown between our heroes and the forces of the Plot Hole. Eventually, the AnthropomorphicPersonification of bad writing is defeated, but the only way the Primarchs can salvage the mess left behind is to DELETE THE LAST 80 CHAPTERS OF THE STORY, much to the Narrator's chagrin.

* TheCameo: C S Goto "guest narrates" one chapter. Several other authors appear (in the style of FinalFantasy summonings) during the battle against the Nightbringer.

* {{Crossover}}: Most notably with VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft, but FinalFantasy, {{Starcraft}} and TabletopGame/{{Warhammer}} also feature. Not to mention the dozens of universes that become involved in the Plot Hole arc.

** Lion'el Jonson combines both the EmoTeen and FinalFantasy sides of his personality in a {{BFS}} that screams "[[LinkinPark CRAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIN!]]" when he draws it.

The P*R*I*M*A*R*C*H*S story begins with the titular {{super soldier}}s getting together in a pub in the Eye of Terror, and bemoaning the fact that they never get coverage in the official Games Workshop background any more. Uniting under their father the [[strike:Emperor]] [[AC:Emperor of Mankind!]], the disfunctional family resolve to strike back at the forces of {{Retcon}} that are ruining their grimdark universe, and to do this by defeating the gratuitously-shoehorned C'tan and putting them back in their place. Things get worse, however, when they discover that the C'tan have nothing less than a full-blown GenreShift on their minds, and are planning to sell the [=40K=] franchise to another company who want to Japanify it into something more marketable to kids (cue cameo by Aerith of FinalFantasy fame, among others). By a VERY circuitous route, and picking up [[LoadsAndLoadsOfCharacters many secondary characters]] along the way, the Primarchs eventually collect the {{Plot Coupon}}s they need to access the laptop of GW fluff-writer Alan Merrett. A final battle with the C'tan to decide the future of the [=40K=] franchise follows...

** In a more recurring shout out, the captains of Vulcan's Salamanders chapter are called [[ChuckNorris Captain Norris]], [[Series/TwentyFour Captain Bauer]] and [[SamuelLJackson Captain L Jackson]].