History Awesome / TheThickOfIt

25th Aug '17 10:54:31 AM Achaemenid
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* Terri telling off Phil for doing her job. "*You* don't handle *The World at One* Phil, they're not stolen goods. If you want to play with phones, you can go down to the creche, where there's a big blue phone with big boggly eyes that go round and round when you pick it up. Now piddle off!" Bonus points in that this is the only episode in which Terri demonstrates that she's actually a very good communications officer, when she has to be.
9th Jul '17 12:10:11 PM Elmo3000
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** On the other hand, while not a completely unsympathetic character, Malcolm has generally been a unflappable MagnificentBastard and complete JerkAss from Day One. When it's revealed that he [[HoistByHisOwnPetard implicated himself in the same picture]] he [[spoiler:used to force Nicola's resignation]], we're treated to about twenty seconds of [[OhCrap his reaction]] as he realises that he can't spin his way out of this one.



*** [[spoiler: the rants of both Stewart and Glenn seem to have made quite an impact on Fergus, who according to Glenn once had some principles. Maybe he's on his way to a [[HeelFaceTurn Heel Face Turn]], although it's unlikely with Adam's influence.]]

to:

*** [[spoiler: the The rants of both Stewart and Glenn seem to have made quite an impact on Fergus, who according to Glenn once had some principles. Maybe he's on his way to a [[HeelFaceTurn Heel Face Turn]], although it's unlikely with Adam's influence.]]
8th Jul '17 8:15:16 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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'''Malcolm:''' Nobody says that. Except every screaming atom of that etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that. Every fibre of your being -- every stamen -- says that. But you are not me, Ollie. You never will be me. I knew Malcolm F. Tucker, sir, and you are no Malcolm Fucking Tucker. You're not even Manchester's top Malcolm Tucker tribute band. And trying to be me - you?! Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic. With no fucking bladder control. Sleeping on your brother-in-law's sofa.\\
'''Ollie:''' And so on, and so on. It doesn't have to be like that now, Malcolm. [[DramaticallyMissingThePoint Politics has actually changed-]]\\

to:

'''Malcolm:''' Nobody says that. Except every screaming atom of that etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that. Every fibre of your being -- every stamen -- says that. But you are not me, Ollie. You \\
'''Ollie:''' No...\\
'''Malcolm:''' And you
never will be me. I knew Malcolm F. Tucker, sir, and you are no Malcolm Fucking Tucker. You're not even Manchester's top Malcolm Tucker tribute band. And trying to be me - you?! -- ''you''?! Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic. With no fucking bladder control. Sleeping on your brother-in-law's sofa.\\
'''Ollie:''' And so on, and so on. It doesn't have to be like that now, Malcolm. [[DramaticallyMissingThePoint Politics has actually changed-]]\\changed]]--\\



'''Ollie:''' Yeah. Yeah, I know you.\\
'''Malcolm:''' You know Jackie fucking Chan about me. '''YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT ME!''' I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired, fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension! I donít just take this fucking job home, you know. [[MarriedToTheJob I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast! Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slung in my face, slaps me about the chops, to make sure Iím awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body! Malcolm is gone!]] You can't know Malcolm, because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes, you do fucking want this job. Then, youíre going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do.\\
'''Ollie:''' Christ, Malcolm, this is like the video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.\\

to:

'''Ollie:''' Yeah.Uuuuuh... ''yeah''. Yeah, I know you.\\
'''Malcolm:''' You know Jackie fucking Chan about me. '''YOU ''YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT ME!''' ME!'' I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired, fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension! compre-''fucking''-hension! I donít just take this fucking job home, you know. [[MarriedToTheJob I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast! Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slung in my face, slaps me about the chops, to make sure Iím I'm awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body! Malcolm is gone!]] You can't know Malcolm, because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes, you do fucking want this job. Then, youíre going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do.job?\\
'''Ollie:''' ...Y-yes.
\\
'''Malcolm:''' ''Yes'', you do fucking want this job. Then, you're going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do!\\
'''Ollie:''' Christ, Malcolm, this is like sounds the fucking video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.\\



'''Ollie:''' Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?\\
'''Malcolm:''' Funny, funny man. Political exit. What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs...", [[StoicWoobie well, fuck them.]]

to:

'''Ollie:''' Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with off a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?\\
'''Malcolm:''' Funny, funny man. Political exit. \\
'''Ollie:''' No, I know...\\
'''Malcolm:''' I'm gonna leave the stage with my head held fucking high, right?
What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real ''real'' friends, no children, no glory glory, no memoirs...", [[StoicWoobie well, fuck them.]]
8th Jul '17 8:00:33 AM TheAmazingBlachman
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--> '''Malcolm:''' Ollie, look at me! I'm not pulling anything out of my magic hat. The rabbits are falling to pieces, the fucking heads are coming off and frightening the kids. So somebody else is going to have to help out.
--> '''Ollie:''' [[YouAreWhatYouHate Well, who says I even want to be you, Malcolm? Who says that?]]
--> '''Malcolm:''' Nobody says that. Except every screaming atom of that etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that. Every fibre of your being - every stamen - says that. But you are not me, Ollie. You never will be me. I knew Malcolm F. Tucker, sir, and you are no Malcolm Fucking Tucker. You're not even Manchester's top Malcolm Tucker tribute band. And trying to be me - you?! Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic. With no fucking bladder control. Sleeping on your brother-in-law's sofa.
--> '''Ollie:''' And so on, and so on. It doesn't have to be like that now, Malcolm. [[DramaticallyMissingThePoint Politics has actually changed-]]
--> '''Malcolm:''' Oh?
--> '''Ollie:''' Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, and you probably haven't noticed because you've been on transmit for the last fucking eight years! "Wah wah wah wah"! And whilst you've been doing that, everybody else has been changing! It's all a bit soft-core now, it's all about algorithms now. You don't have to be Malcolm Tucker to sit in that chair.
--> '''Malcolm:''' Oh, how quickly they grow up. You fucking think you know me?
--> '''Ollie:''' Yeah. Yeah, I know you.
--> '''Malcolm:''' You know Jackie fucking Chan about me. '''YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT ME!''' I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired, fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension! I donít just take this fucking job home, you know. [[MarriedToTheJob I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast! Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slung in my face, slaps me about the chops, to make sure Iím awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body! Malcolm is gone!]] You canít know Malcolm, because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes, you do fucking want this job. Then, youíre going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do.
--> '''Ollie:''' Christ, Malcolm, this is like the video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.
--> '''Malcolm:''' I'm as dead as fucking Two-Tone. But I can fashion my own exit.
--> '''Ollie:''' Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?
--> '''Malcolm:''' Funny, funny man. Political exit. What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs...", [[StoicWoobie well, fuck them.]]

to:

--> '''Malcolm:''' -->'''Malcolm:''' Ollie, look at me! I'm not pulling anything out of my magic hat. The rabbits are falling to pieces, the fucking heads are coming off and frightening the kids. So somebody else is going to have to help out.
-->
out.\\
'''Ollie:''' [[YouAreWhatYouHate Well, who says I even want to be you, Malcolm? Who says that?]]
-->
that?]]\\
'''Malcolm:''' Nobody says that. Except every screaming atom of that etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that. Every fibre of your being - -- every stamen - -- says that. But you are not me, Ollie. You never will be me. I knew Malcolm F. Tucker, sir, and you are no Malcolm Fucking Tucker. You're not even Manchester's top Malcolm Tucker tribute band. And trying to be me - you?! Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic. With no fucking bladder control. Sleeping on your brother-in-law's sofa.
-->
sofa.\\
'''Ollie:''' And so on, and so on. It doesn't have to be like that now, Malcolm. [[DramaticallyMissingThePoint Politics has actually changed-]]
-->
changed-]]\\
'''Malcolm:''' Oh?
-->
Oh?\\
'''Ollie:''' Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, and you probably haven't noticed because you've been on transmit for the last fucking eight years! "Wah wah wah wah"! And whilst you've been doing that, everybody else has been changing! It's all a bit soft-core now, it's all about algorithms now. You don't have to be Malcolm Tucker to sit in that chair.
-->
chair.\\
'''Malcolm:''' Oh, how quickly they grow up. You fucking think you know me?
-->
me?\\
'''Ollie:''' Yeah. Yeah, I know you.
-->
you.\\
'''Malcolm:''' You know Jackie fucking Chan about me. '''YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT ME!''' I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired, fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension! I donít just take this fucking job home, you know. [[MarriedToTheJob I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast! Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slung in my face, slaps me about the chops, to make sure Iím awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body! Malcolm is gone!]] You canít can't know Malcolm, because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes, you do fucking want this job. Then, youíre going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do.
-->
do.\\
'''Ollie:''' Christ, Malcolm, this is like the video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.
-->
out.\\
'''Malcolm:''' I'm as dead as fucking Two-Tone. But I can fashion my own exit.
-->
exit.\\
'''Ollie:''' Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?
-->
you?\\
'''Malcolm:''' Funny, funny man. Political exit. What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs...", [[StoicWoobie well, fuck them.]] ]]
2nd Sep '15 5:47:16 AM JonShannow
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* Malcolm's RousingSpeech to his 'troops' after the announcement of the election, contrasted with Cal Richard's uninspiring sweary rant
15th Aug '15 2:45:54 AM molesborough
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*** But ''did'' it really turn against him? Remember that in the same episode, Peter made a phone call to "nudge" someone (possibly the PM?) and say the "real story" was that Tickel's records had been leaked. That was a brilliant move. As it turned out, the inquiry's broadening from one focused on Tickel to one encompassing the entire "culture of leaking" was the best thing that could have happened to Peter: [[spoiler: It allowed him to deflect blame from himself for Tickel's suicide, and ultimately it brought down Malcolm while Peter got off essentially scot free.]] Although it's not clear at the end of the episode how everything will play out, in retrospect this looks like a whole Crowning Episode Of Awesome for Peter.
7th Jun '15 8:48:12 AM GaryKing95
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* "You off to clear your desk Steve? Don't forget your lucky gonk and your "World's Shittiest Dad" mug.

to:

* "You off to clear your desk Steve? Don't forget your lucky gonk and your "World's 'World's Shittiest Dad" Dad' mug."
5th May '15 8:21:17 PM SwimToTheMoon
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--> '''Malcolm:''' Ollie, look at me! I'm not pulling anything out of my magic hat. The rabbits are falling to pieces, the fucking heads are coming off and frightening the kids. So somebody else is going to have to help out.
--> '''Ollie:''' [[YouAreWhatYouHate Well, who says I even want to be you, Malcolm? Who says that?]]
--> '''Malcolm:''' Nobody says that. Except every screaming atom of that etiolated stick of fuck you call a body says that. Every fibre of your being - every stamen - says that. But you are not me, Ollie. You never will be me. I knew Malcolm F. Tucker, sir, and you are no Malcolm Fucking Tucker. You're not even Manchester's top Malcolm Tucker tribute band. And trying to be me - you?! Trying to be me will fucking kill you. I'll give you 18 months before you're a washed out, weeping alcoholic. With no fucking bladder control. Sleeping on your brother-in-law's sofa.
--> '''Ollie:''' And so on, and so on. It doesn't have to be like that now, Malcolm. [[DramaticallyMissingThePoint Politics has actually changed-]]
--> '''Malcolm:''' Oh?
--> '''Ollie:''' Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, and you probably haven't noticed because you've been on transmit for the last fucking eight years! "Wah wah wah wah"! And whilst you've been doing that, everybody else has been changing! It's all a bit soft-core now, it's all about algorithms now. You don't have to be Malcolm Tucker to sit in that chair.
--> '''Malcolm:''' Oh, how quickly they grow up. You fucking think you know me?
--> '''Ollie:''' Yeah. Yeah, I know you.
--> '''Malcolm:''' You know Jackie fucking Chan about me. '''YOU KNOW FUCK ALL ABOUT ME!''' I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired, fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension! I donít just take this fucking job home, you know. [[MarriedToTheJob I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed, and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast! Then it wakes me up in the morning with a cup full of piss slung in my face, slaps me about the chops, to make sure Iím awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks! This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body! Malcolm is gone!]] You canít know Malcolm, because Malcolm is not here! Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago! This is a fucking husk, I am a fucking host for this fucking job. Do you want this job? Yes, you do fucking want this job. Then, youíre going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life and let it grow inside you like a parasite. Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive and it stares out of your eyes and tells you what to do.
--> '''Ollie:''' Christ, Malcolm, this is like the video you leave on YouTube after you've blown your brains out.
--> '''Malcolm:''' I'm as dead as fucking Two-Tone. But I can fashion my own exit.
--> '''Ollie:''' Oh, Christ. What, are you going to fly to Switzerland, have a wank with a nurse and a bye-bye pill, are you?
--> '''Malcolm:''' Funny, funny man. Political exit. What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son. The audience will be on their feet. "There he goes" they'll say, "No friends, no real friends, no children, no glory no memoirs...", [[StoicWoobie well, fuck them.]]
12th Apr '15 3:26:16 AM Mousy677
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Added DiffLines:

* Ollie's angry second-episode rant to Glenn about how everybody isn't the same.
14th Feb '14 9:05:13 PM boo1348
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** '''Malcolm:''' [[spoiler: In twenty minutes' time, the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is going to announce that he is calling the election.]]

to:

** --> '''Malcolm:''' [[spoiler: In "In twenty minutes' time, the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is going to announce that he is calling the election.]]"]]



** '''Malcolm:''' Sleep lightly.

to:

** --> '''Malcolm:''' Sleep "Sleep lightly."



--> '''Glenn:''' [[spoiler: Malcolm will have grabbed his fake passport by now, he'll be on a plane to Brazil and he's about to spend the rest of his days as the world's scariest dentist.]]
-->[--*cut*--]
-->'''Malcolm:''' [[spoiler: Derek! Get the fuck down to ITN and start briefing the ''shit'' out of them!]]
* ''Terri'', of all people, gets one in 3.06, when she dares to point out (correctly!) that [[spoiler: Malcolm's been making the wrong calls all episode]]. (Admittedly, she's not quite bright enough to realize ''precisely'' [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu what she's just done]], but on grounds of sheer nerve alone --)

to:

--> '''Glenn:''' [[spoiler: Malcolm "Malcolm will have grabbed his fake passport by now, he'll be on a plane to Brazil and he's about to spend the rest of his days as the world's scariest dentist.]]
-->[--*cut*--]
"]]
-->''(cut)''
-->'''Malcolm:''' [[spoiler: Derek! "Derek! Get the fuck down to ITN and start briefing the ''shit'' out of them!]]
them!"]]
* ''Terri'', of all people, gets one in 3.06, when she dares to point out (correctly!) that [[spoiler: Malcolm's been making the wrong calls all episode]]. (Admittedly, Admittedly, she's not quite bright enough to realize ''precisely'' [[DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu what she's just done]], but on grounds of sheer nerve alone --)alone...



* In 4.05, Peter Mannion suddenly gaining new confidence and taking charge of what could be a shitty situation. Especially the part which involves him simply turning round to Stuart and telling him bluntly to "shut the fuck up, you prancing shit", rendering him completely speechless, before following up said prancing shit's mutterings about not having the Prime Minister's approval to go ahead with Peter's (politically brilliant) idea with "Here's another way of looking at it: let's. Goodbye."
** Unfortunately it does come back to bite him, as his decision to go ahead with his idea is a factor in the Goolding Enquiry spiralling out of control, whereas if he had waited for the PM's approval the extra time would have let them realise what they were getting themselves into and do something about it. This does not change the fact that Peter's idea really was a good one, and it was just bad luck that caused it to turn against him.

to:

* In 4.05, Peter Mannion suddenly gaining new confidence and taking charge of what could be a shitty situation. Especially the part which involves him simply turning round to Stuart and telling him bluntly to "shut the fuck up, you prancing shit", rendering him completely speechless, before following up said prancing shit's mutterings about not having the Prime Minister's approval to go ahead with Peter's (politically brilliant) idea with "Here's another way of looking at it: let's.Let's. Goodbye."
** Unfortunately it does come back to bite him, as his decision to go ahead with his idea is a factor in the Goolding Enquiry spiralling spiraling out of control, whereas if he had waited for the PM's approval the extra time would have let them realise what they were getting themselves into and do something about it. This does not change the fact that Peter's idea really was a good one, and it was just bad luck that caused it to turn against him.



** In fact Malcolm is generally awesome in that episode, and barring one serious mistake where it can be proven that [[spoiler: he had Mr Tickel's NHS number]], he handles himself much more successfully than the others, and the contrast between him and Stewart, his so-called "opposite number", is especially pronounced. In particular, his method of defending himself by attacking the enquirers forces them to back down on a couple of points, and he does a good job of manipulating the enquirers' questions to be hurtful to some of his political enemies.
* Glen's roared "WE DROVE A MAN TO HIS DEATH". ButtMonkey since the very first episode, he's finally had enough and with damn good reason.
** And in the very last episode, [[spoiler: he resigns in the most spectacular fashion, emptying his office and giving everyone at DoSaC the most epic TheReasonYouSuckSpeech before sauntering off.]] No-one may have been really bothered by his words, but [[spoiler: that's the longest any of them have paid attention to Glenn in two years!]]

to:

** In fact Malcolm is generally awesome in that episode, and barring one serious mistake where it can be proven that [[spoiler: he had Mr Tickel's Mr. Tickell's NHS number]], he handles himself much more successfully than the others, and the contrast between him and Stewart, his so-called "opposite number", is especially pronounced. In particular, his method of defending himself by attacking the enquirers forces them to back down on a couple of points, and he does a good job of manipulating the enquirers' questions to be hurtful to some of his political enemies.
* Glen's Glenn's roared "WE DROVE A MAN TO HIS DEATH". ButtMonkey since the very first episode, he's finally had enough and with damn good reason.
** And in the very last episode, [[spoiler: he resigns in the most spectacular fashion, emptying his office and giving everyone at DoSaC [=DoSaC=] the most epic TheReasonYouSuckSpeech before sauntering off.]] No-one may have been really bothered by his words, but [[spoiler: that's the longest any of them have paid attention to Glenn in two years!]]



* Malcolm's final episode rant to Ollie. All of it.

to:

* Malcolm's final episode rant to Ollie. All ''All of it. it.''
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