History Awesome / FeetOfClay

* Vimes pretending to be drunk and catching Mr Downey, the head of the Assassins Guild no less, on the hop by slamming his fingers in a drawer and breaking his nose.

* The extended sequence where a mob tries to smash Dorfl is both this and hilarious. The mob try to smash Dorfl because of the rumours of Golems killing people. Carrot tells them that's murder, so they try to convince Carrot that it wouldn't be murder to kill one [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman because they're not alive]], and so the Watch can't stop them. Carrot threatens to arrest them for [[LoopholeAbuse damage to private property instead]], since all Golems were at this point 'owned' by their masters, and points out that if Dorfl's a possession, ''[[BotheringByTheBook his owner, Mr. Sock, is technically the murderer]]''. Sock claims on the spot that he doesn't want Dorfl any more and they can smash him, and Carrot ''tells him that he'll arrest Sock for [[UpToEleven littering]]'' if he does so. Instead, Carrot buys Dorfl for a dollar, ''insists on a receipt, and promptly gives said receipt to Dorfl himself.''

* Dorfl getting the priests to deflect their anger from Vimes to each other, then agreeing to debate 'the priest of the most worthy god' on his day off. Seconds later, he blithely tells Vimes that he doesn't need any days off.

* "The golem opened his eyes." It might take you a couple of pages to [[ItIsDehumanizing realize the narration’s changed from “it” to “he”.]]

* Doubling as a Crowning Moment of Humanism, Philosophy, Morality and just about anything worthwhile, the moment when Dorfl realises he owns himself and is responsible for his actions. Not only is it marked by the pronoun change - from 'it' to 'he' referring to the golem - but it sums up free will in two simple, powerful sentences:
--> Not ''Thou Shalt Not''. Say '''''I''' Will Not.''

* "The golem opened his eyes." It might take you a couple of pages [[spoiler: to [[ItIsDehumanizing realize the narration’s changed from “it” to “he”.]]]]

* Dragon King of Arms [[spoiler:''announces all his plans to the hero in the first chapter through puns''. If any of the Watch had had a head for canting, the book would have been about fifty pages long]].

* "The golem opened his eyes." It might take you a couple of pages [[spoiler: to [[ItIsDehumanising realize the narration’s changed from “it” to “he”.]]]]

** For the uninformed, the Piecemaker is a converted siege crossbow, designed to send a six-foot iron arrow through city walls.

* The extended sequence where a mob tries to smash Dorfl is both this and hilarious. The mob try to smash Dorfl because of the rumours of Golems killing people. Carrot tells them that's murder, so they try to convince Carrot that it wouldn't be murder to kill one [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman because they're not alive]], and so the Watch can't stop them. Carrot threatens to arrest them for damage to private property instead, since all Golems were at this point 'owned' by their masters, and points out that if Dorfl's a possession, ''[[BotheringByTheBook his owner, Mr. Sock, is technically the murderer]]''. Sock claims on the spot that he doesn't want Dorfl any more and they can smash him, and Carrot ''tells him that he'll arrest Sock for littering'' if he does so. Instead, Carrot buys Dorfl for a dollar, ''insists on a receipt, and promptly gives said receipt to Dorfl himself.''

* Vimes pretending to be drunk and punching Downey, then the conversation that follows.

* An off-screen one. After the main events of the book Vimes called the conspirators who caused all this to the palace. It isn't explicitly said what kind of conversation took place but it certainly ended with an axe being buried in a table and the conspirators leaving with strong memories of Vimes' ancestor cutting the head off a king. Since it's in a room usually reserved for important meetings Vetinari decides to leave it there as a... conversation piece. (And indeed in later books, it's still there!)

* Shortly after having been 'given to himself' by Carrot, the free-willed Dorfl is dismantled by the 'king' golem, his ''chem'' torn out and crumpled. Then, when things are really dire for the Watchmen, Dorfl - with neither life, nor magic to sustain him - [[BeyondTheImpossible re-animates]] long enough to destroy the 'king' and scrawl one last message: "Words In The Heart Can Not Be Taken."

* The extended sequence where a mob tries to smash Dorfl is both this and hilarious. The mob try to smash Dorfl because of the rumours of Golems killing people. Carrot tells them that's murder, so they try to convince Carrot that it wouldn't be murder to kill one [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman because they're not alive]], and so the Watch can't stop them. Carrot threatens to arrest them for damage to private property instead, since all Golems were at this point 'owned' by their masters, and points out that if Dorfl's a possession, ''[[BotheringByTheBook his owner, Mr. Sock, is technically the murderer]]''. Sock claims on the spot that he doesn't want Dorfl any more and they can smash him, and Carrot ''tells him that he'll arrest Sock for littering'' if he does so. Instead, Carrot buys Dorfl for a dollar. ''And insists on a receipt!''

* "The golem opened his eyes."

--> '''Carrot''' ''(to Dorfl):'' If you are things, then you can't murder. And if you're not things, then you're ''people,'' and what's being done to you is terrible.

* An off-screen one. After the main events of the book Vimes called the conspirators who caused all this to the palace. It isn't explicitly said what kind of conversation took place but it certainly ended with an axe being buried in a table and the conspirators leaving with strong memories of Vimes' ancestor cutting off the head of a king. Since it's in a room usually reserved for important meetings Vetinari decides to leave it there as a conversation piece.

* Dragon King of Arms [[spoiler:''announces all his plans to the hero in the first chapter through puns''. If any of the Watch had had that kind of sense of humour (if that's the word), the book would have been about fifty pages long]].

--> '''Dorfl:''' [[BadassBoast I Could Kill You]]. [...] This Is An Option Available To Me As A Free-Thinking Individual But I Will Not Do So Because I Own Myself And I Have Made A Moral Choice.

--> '''Dorfl:''' [[BadassBoast I Could Destroy You]] [...] But I Have Made A Moral Choice.