Reviews: Deliver Us From Evil Series

Votum separatum

The fic (Mortality) seems to be positively regarded on This Very Wiki, and I like a good Hurt/Comfort Fic as much as the next gal. But I see a number of problems with it.

From the most general - retconning Holmes from a high-functioning schizoid into a regular guy with Dark and Troubled Past takes something from his character - Holmes's weirdness, and how he makes it a strenght is his defining trait. This protagonist feels a generic Hurt/Comfort Fic receiver. He could be the Doctor, Batman, anyone.

Speaking of which - the fic is mistagged. All the "Crime" in it is setting up the hurt/comfort in a clear pattern of a dramatic W (horribleness -> climax -> fluff). Hurt Comfort Fics still ought to have something going in them besides the emotional wringer, something for the characters to suffer for. Otherwise it's Torture Porn.

The villains' actions seem... unthought out for the supposedly smartest man in London. The "gee, boss, got ya a Sherlock Holmes, what now?" thing? Why not just dump the protagonist, who has nothing on him and is, coincidentally, sick out of his head, someplace? All he remembers can be dismissed as a fever dream by himself or his associates (driving a wedge between them, as they coddle him, he gets frustrated and the villain laughs an Evil Laugh in the background).

Moving on to the nitpicking.

You can learn on This Very Wiki that people back in the day did not use first names unless they were close family. The doppleganger seems awfully suspicious, but does nothing.

The medicine in general is poorly researched: diseases are not status effects - getting cure does not make you cured in so many days, regardless of the circumstances. Also, I don't think "anxiety attack" was recognized back in the day.

There is some Character Shilling (even thinking him dead, should Watson use nine different lyrical superlatives to describe his friend?), and it's purple. Also Exact Eavesdropping (they just happened to talk about the very thing interesting to Watson in the very moment he was listening?). Watson's characterisation is very uneven. Tender Tears one moment, cold blooded murder the next? He seems to be doing what the author wants him to, not what he wants to do.

Three separate scenes of "he might be alive" is excessive.

All in all, Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. Can't really recommend.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/reviews.php?target_group=Fanfic&target_title=DeliverUsFromEvilSeries