Reviews Literature / Twilight

From someone who hasn't read the books.

So I watched the first movie (DVD) and second movie (Theater) last night. Having no experience with the series outside of random people gushing or gaging, I dove in.

Bella is a textbook Mary Sue — she arrives at school, is antisocial to everyone, and yet literally every single male character wants to date her. Instantly. What??

Edward has the personality of a stump. Every so often he lapses into something... happy, but then it's time for "close up, stoneface Edward". Word Of God says he's old and Bella smells really good. But all the other vampires are much older and they have personalities. So what gives?

Combined, they have absolutely no chemistry. I know, love at first sight, but this is pushing it.

Jacob was an interesting character, at least in the second movie. (In the first, he was just "guy who wants to date Bella #8".) At least, until he gets his haircut, then it's time for him to be a prick.

The general plot is kinda... bouncy. First movie had Bella being stupid (Hey, he's a serial killer, lets go into the woods), Edward being pathetic (This is the face of a killer! *glitter*), and a surprise meeting of 3 new vampires interrupting a baseball game, who are evil. We know this because Edward's psychic (oh, did we forget to mention that? Sorry!) and they dress funny. Quick fight scene stretched out over 45 minutes, the end.

Second movie, Edward leaves, Bella has a nervous breakdown but isn't committed to therapy, and Jacob is conned into fixing up bikes cause she keeps hallucinating when she almost kills herself. Ok, fine. Then the idiot ball is grasped firmly and Edward tries to kill himself in some sorta stupid dramatic way, leaving to a last minute save in Italy. Evil Eurotrash Vampires take issue with Teenage Mary Sue Bimbo knowing the secret, Prophet Vampire Bimbo says it's all ok, cause her unreliable visions say it is. Yay!

Jacob (Remember him? Bella doesn't!) has a problem with this, Bella calls him a monster... Who's she dating again?

Edward asks to marry her after being gone for months and her dating someone else, the end.

In short, the movies were tollerable, but not great. Bella and Edward aren't likable at all. Jacob was, but that had to end because he was getting in Edward's way. I'll watch the 3rd if only to see if it improves, but I'm not hopeful.