What follows is a (slightly lengthened) version of an article that I wrote for my school paper.
While I can hardly blame anyone but myself for reading Twilight (I did suggest that I read it, after all), I feel as though it abolished any hope I had in the intelligence of mankind.
The characters aren’t the least bit relatable and are extremely dull. Edward Cullen is too perfect and beautiful for any conflict to possibly be at all interesting. The only real flaw he has is his personality, which everyone, especially Meyer’s self-insert, Bella, blissfully ignores, treating him like a saint, despite his chronic and disparaging comments against her intelligence and physical capabilities.
Bella Swan, the narrator, treats everyone except Edward like they have the plague. Despite this, everyone (read: everyone) treats her like the Messiah, when she should be a social pariah! (the rhyme was entirely unintentional, I promise.) She's the new kid, and as soon as she arrives, everyone bows down before her, treating her like a Goddess, and what does she do? COMPLAIN. She complains about the whole shebang, right from the get-go. A guy carries her books for her? COMPLAIN. The sun, which would possibly harm her milky-white skin, does not shine very often? COMPLAIN.
Unlikeable characters are forgivable if the story is interesting, but it unfortunately isn’t. The ‘plot’, used in the loosest sense of the word, is nothing more than disconnected, uninteresting events with no building action or logic behind what little conflict there is. When the conflict does finally show up, it is un-foreshadowed, pointless, and oh hey look, it's over.
However, the book is a romance novel, so I might as well focus on the ‘twu wuv’ between Edward and Bella. To put it simply, it sucks. Edward’s only real attraction to Bella is the way she smells, with literally nothing else attracting him to her. Bella’s only attraction to Edward is his appearance. The characters have no chemistry, and the relationship is mutually destructive and idiotic, as well as out of nowhere.
As a lover of the English language, what distressed me the most was the syntax. Meyer's writing style seems to consist of picking words at random from a thesaurus.
Twilight is an irredeemable, worthless excuse for a novel, and due to my own stupidity, I've decided to finish the series.
A Grammarian's review of Twilight: with surprisingly less bitching than the book.
What follows is a (slightly lengthened) version of an article that I wrote for my school paper.
While I can hardly blame anyone but myself for reading Twilight (I did suggest that I read it, after all), I feel as though it abolished any hope I had in the intelligence of mankind.
The characters aren’t the least bit relatable and are extremely dull. Edward Cullen is too perfect and beautiful for any conflict to possibly be at all interesting. The only real flaw he has is his personality, which everyone, especially Meyer’s self-insert, Bella, blissfully ignores, treating him like a saint, despite his chronic and disparaging comments against her intelligence and physical capabilities.
Bella Swan, the narrator, treats everyone except Edward like they have the plague. Despite this, everyone (read: everyone) treats her like the Messiah, when she should be a social pariah! (the rhyme was entirely unintentional, I promise.) She's the new kid, and as soon as she arrives, everyone bows down before her, treating her like a Goddess, and what does she do? COMPLAIN. She complains about the whole shebang, right from the get-go. A guy carries her books for her? COMPLAIN. The sun, which would possibly harm her milky-white skin, does not shine very often? COMPLAIN.
Unlikeable characters are forgivable if the story is interesting, but it unfortunately isn’t. The ‘plot’, used in the loosest sense of the word, is nothing more than disconnected, uninteresting events with no building action or logic behind what little conflict there is. When the conflict does finally show up, it is un-foreshadowed, pointless, and oh hey look, it's over.
However, the book is a romance novel, so I might as well focus on the ‘twu wuv’ between Edward and Bella. To put it simply, it sucks. Edward’s only real attraction to Bella is the way she smells, with literally nothing else attracting him to her. Bella’s only attraction to Edward is his appearance. The characters have no chemistry, and the relationship is mutually destructive and idiotic, as well as out of nowhere.
As a lover of the English language, what distressed me the most was the syntax. Meyer's writing style seems to consist of picking words at random from a thesaurus.
Twilight is an irredeemable, worthless excuse for a novel, and due to my own stupidity, I've decided to finish the series.