Romance

Happy early birthday!

Try not to eat too much of that cheap chocolate :p

So I've been developing feelings for a new co-worker of mine for the past couple of weeks. I'm considering getting her a Valentine's Day gift, but since we still don't know each other that well, I feel like most gift ideas would be "too much" at this point. But giving her, say, chocolates wouldn't be too inappropriate, would it?

I also have no idea if she's even single, so that's another reason why I'm unsure if I should get her a gift.

I would suggest talking to her first. It would be a bit awkward if you straight up went for it and gave her chocolate upfront. At least, hang out with them outside of work before you go for it.

Don't get a gift. Especially if the most you've done is talk to each other at work.

If you do not know her well enough to even know if she is single I would not get her a gift.

She could actually be uncomfortable enough about it if she is married and has a family that she could complain and get you fired.

@Mely, from last page, it can be really tough for us gay guys. I met my now husband through a common friend as just someone to join our gaming platoon in World of Tanks lol.

We hit it off immediately and as we were local to each other things just kinda happened pretty quickly lol.

We been together almost 6 years now - he was a tropes too lol as was our common friend who introduced us.

So don't give up and never let anyone say that nothing good comes from online gaming

edited 4th Feb '17 3:42:44 AM by RainbowMatt

X4 When in doubt just ask to hang out.

edited 4th Feb '17 6:47:59 AM by Silasw

Yeah, that's probably a better idea.

Gay dating works either one of two ways—either you both have a mutual friend or you meet online. There is no spontaneously meeting someone.

And that's normal. But I'm not.

You can meet someone in a club, but it's hard to call that a date, though. :p

I'd rather meet somewhere else. Clubs seem like a quick hook up.

It's very easy to end up in a bed when guys are dating each other, clubs or not.

I talk to a guy on Exbax Won (X Box 1) that doesn't really want sex.

I'm mostly speaking from my experience, but there are exceptions, of course : )

Alrighty. Never dated much.

It's been awhile.

I was forced to make a new account since I can't access my Ecrivan and Bleddyn accounts since I recently switched to a new comp and my passwords decided to disappear into thin air (forgot what they were).

First things first a lot has happened since I last was on TV Tropes (a month ago I think if not more). I not only joined an Discord gaming group (well I was in it months ago, probably since August I think if not more) but I managed to become an admin too it which is a harder job then you might think. I managed to make some surprisingly close friends albeit with a few drama hiccups a lot the way. Their is just one problem....

I somehow got myself stuck in a love triangle between too very good friends. I found a gal whom openly admitted to being interested in dating me after getting to know for me for about a year now if not more (we technically met way before that but were nowhere near as close friends as we are now) and honestly the attraction is mutual. The main problem though? The third person in the triangle likely will not take this well as while I am close friends to him he has known her for far longer and has tried to get her to like him that way for far longer. I made close friends with him and by technicality he doesn't in any shape or form have any claim her (she's not interested for personal reasons) but I can't help but feel if I do date her at any point in the future that I will end up making him feeling betrayed in someway.

You know I never expected any of this from just simply joining a little gaming community. At all really. I always heard that love through gaming while it happens is rather rare...and a love traingle through gaming is rather unheard of for me.

The only thing I can think of doing is telling him that she is interested in me in the future and hope he doesn't freak out or become dangerously depressed. I don't like feeling like I can easily destroy an friendship and hurt someone......

I mean their is other problems of course distance being one of them and family issues. She lives two states away from me so our chances of regularly seeing each other is slim unless one of us moves to said state. So for all I know this might not even happen.

edited 4th Feb '17 5:53:42 PM by Wispy

Sort of a rough situation, but here's my take on it:

I don't know how your male friend is approaching his interest for your female friend at this point in time. If he knows she isn't interested and he still is trying to get with her, that is a problem on his end and either you or someone else should have pointed this out to him. If he already knows and is trying to move on in his own way already, then yeah I would probably feel just as you do right now.

If I were in his position, I would not oppose you two getting together because I wouldn't want people to have to forego being happy because of my feelings, but I would also be prepared to distance myself from the group (at least temporarily) to try and move on - something that your friend might have wanted to do already if he is still stuck on her. It would obviously be unfortunate but when you are in that type of situation you have to do what is best for you.

But that's what I would do - since I don't know your friend I have no idea how he will react. I think that him being bitter and feeling betrayed would be an expected, human emotion to a situation where nobody is really at fault, but in the end it isn't really fair for the both of you to not get together and potentially squash something that could make you both happy just to spare his feelings.

I understand how you feel about wanting to preserve your friendships above all else, and honestly I think that would be an understandable choice in many situations. But even if you chose to abstain from pursuing the relationship, your male friend's problem (being stuck on a person who will never like him back) would still be there.

edited 4th Feb '17 6:31:48 PM by Draghinazzo

He knows but has been an really hard time accepting it and there has been drama going on between them friendship wise for quite a while. From what I can glean he's not quite so opposed to me being friends with her or her being even interested me it's more of a personal problem between him and her.

Honestly this type of situation vastly exceeded my expectations of what I expected to get from going in a little Discord gaming group of friends. I just wanted a group of decent to good friends to play games with. I didn't expect to make 2 really close friends then get caught in the crossfire of their own drama and then have a love triangle start not too long after.

It's still a pretty good feeling to have some people I can actually have fun with and trust online (and have someone actually be interested me for my personality rather then just my looks) honestly but still rather rocky. I guess that's compensation....

edited 4th Feb '17 6:55:17 PM by Wispy

...Try polyamory?

I am not bisexual, purely straight, and he doesn't like me in that way

If that is the case, then yeah if I were in his position I would have just left the group for a while if it was causing that many problems. Maybe it shouldn't be you, but someone else probably should tell him that.

edited 4th Feb '17 6:57:58 PM by Draghinazzo

He did leave the group, like five times. He keeps coming back though....

LGBT societies and Mettup groups exist, though ones access to the, will depend a lot on location.

Online dating didn't work for me... profiles that did message me were trying to spam me with "Were you in an accident that wasn't your fault?" or "Were you injured in a workplace accident".

Is this a form of AstroTurf?

Meetup.com seems to be mostly inactive for groups on things I'm into... one group hadn't met since April 2014 (but it looked good). Last event: 16 April 2014 (as I remember it).

Since on-line dating hasn't worked for me.... what real-world ways are better to meet single people? Work isn't the place (most people there are married, or have children/grandchildren) and it would probably be risky in terms of promotion etc.

I suppose I could always go to the pub - but they're more like Cheers (even though the beer is good there!).

I've been single for most of my life (not counting one date in 2007 which never happened as the woman didn't turn up and was never heard from again), so haven't had relationship dramas or anything like that.

Although I'm attracted to women (but there are exceptions - I may date a man if he's the right one, but that's very unlikely on the probability scale for now) and I technically identify as straight.

I'll admit it, the women I've been attracted to tended to be the expat Americans or Australians that I met here in the UK (although it never got anywhere with them since they were mostly in relationships already with people over here, or weren't in the country for very long); it's been like that since I was a student in 2004. It's not a Race Fetish (since they're not a race, they're a nationality) and I dont expect them to live up to the stereotypes that people expect of Americans or Australians. Yes, their accents are sexy but that's not the only reason I'm attracted to them, obviously. I know American women like British men (seen that in the blogosphere).

The women I'm attracted to tend to be very feminine in aesthetic and personality... not The Lad-ette? I think it'll be hard to find a woman who's very feminine yet also very into automobiles and not tomboy-ish though.

That said... it is hard to meet expat Americans or Australians in my part of the world (near Wigan/Warrington).

In terms of relationships, I'm the sort who won't date multiple people at once (although it seems to be a trend now, it doesn't work for me), I prefer longer-term relationships over casual sex, one-night stands or friends with benefits-style situations.

edited 5th Feb '17 5:01:45 AM by Merseyuser1