All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

The mental whirlwind stopped dead as the room was illuminated by a burst of white light. Chisame and Chao both stared at the the source of the flash, trying to the floating black spots that now dominated their vision.

“Oh yeah! Time for round two!”

As their eyes finally recovered from the light, Chisame and Chao found themselves staring at another Chao. From one hand hung a Cassiopeia on a length of cord. The other hand was clenched in a fist, which was pumping madly in the air. This Chao was wearing the same the undergarment as the first Chao, but it was much more disheveled; only about a third of it was still covering the places that it was supposed to. The rest of it hung loosely, barely attached by its numerous clasps.

“What the hell is going on!?” Chisame pointed at the new arrival. “Who are you!?”

“Oh, me?” The second Chao scratched her head and giggled. Her hair buns were completely loosed, releasing a cascade of dark hair that flowed down her neck, almost reaching her chest, which was heaving gently with every breath. Her body glistened with sweat. “I'm from the future. Not the far future. Just an hour or so.”

“W..what?” Chisame stared dubiously.

“Well, I enjoyed the...uh... experience so much that I thought I'd do it again.” She turned and smiled at the present Chao. “Yeah I know, you're confused about your emotions, and you're feeling conflicted. As much as I hate to admit it, this is one of those things that current science can't really explain. But don't dwell on that. You'll have time for analysis later. If you really want to enjoy this, to enjoy her...” She pointed at Chisame. “...don't bother asking why you love her. Just love her.”

Future Chao turned to Chisame. “I had a hard time with it before, but I just want to say it clearly, and without hesitation: I love you. I don't know why I love you, but I do.” She stretched and began to climb onto the bed “Now let's get down to business.” She turned to present Chao. “You ready?”

“Y..yes..” She nodded nervously.

“What about you?”

Chisame nodded, blushing so red that she was practically glowing. She reached out nervously and wrapped her arms around the present Chao, trailing her fingertips across the girl's back. Her voice wavered a little as she spoke.

“Well...are you going to kiss me or not?”

The present Chao put a hand to Chisame's face. Maybe I can't answer every question... She thrust herself forward, wrapping her arms around the hacker girl. Their lips met. But this is a question that I can.

“You’re kidding.”

Stonefaced, Tamaki didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at Koyomi’s incredulous look. The cat-eared Ministra frowned, tilting her head in annoyance as much as curiosity. “No, really. You’re kidding, right?”

Tamaki reached out from under the voluminous robe she was wearing, grabbing the drippy, unlit candle stub from Koyomi’s bedside table. Without breaking eye contact with the other girl, she puffed out a sharp breath, lighting the taper with a small tongue of fire. Wordlessly, she set the candle back down.

“Okay, so you’re not kidding,” Koyomi allowed, absently putting the candle out with wetted fingers. “And you’re suddenly breathing fire why, again…?”

“Dra—” Tamaki began. She clamped her mouth shut as a small fireball shot past her lips, nearly catching the edge of Koyomi’s hair. Wide-eyed, she drew breath to apologize, but Koyomi clapped her hand over the other girl’s mouth.

“I know it was an accident,” Koyomi replied quickly. “Still, how about I get you some paper instead?”

A few minutes later, Tamaki was glumly using a long fingernail dipped in ink to write out the cause of her woes. Koyomi, standing behind her, couldn’t help but ask when she was finished.

“’Puberty’?” she read, leaning over Tamaki’s shoulder. “Dragonfolk puberty involves randomly breathing fire when you try to talk?” She seemed to be having trouble speaking, and Tamaki turned around to frown at her. The serious expression on the other girl’s face only made it harder for Koyomi to hold in her giggles, and after a moment she stopped trying.

“I’m just saying, it’s kind of silly when you think about it,” she said after a few moments, smiling. Tamaki held up a slender finger, then dipped it back into the inkpot. Koyomi waited patiently while she wrote, and Tamaki held up the sheet of parchment for her.

“’No worse than that month you got all hairy’ – that was fur, Tamaki,” she replied hotly, blushing. “I’m a felia. It’s only natural for that to happen…” she trailed off. “Anyway, you’re breathing fire,” she continued, regaining some steam. “I didn’t inconvenience anyone but myself.”

“Shedding,” Tamaki said quietly, sparks dancing on her tongue. Koyomi nearly fell over.

“Did you want me to shave myself or something?” she cried, ears twitching. “Sorry I was furry! Geez!” She took a deep breath and sighed, visibly composing herself. “Okay, so, back on topic. What do you want to do about this? I mean, it’s not like you talk much anyway…”

It should only last about a week, Tamaki wrote, her claw giving the characters a sharp, strangely predatory look. Until then, I’d decided to hide out inside my Artifact. From what I remember, there are… other stages.

“What, like your skin goes scaly and stuff like that?” Koyomi asked, putting a companionable arm around Tamaki’s shoulders. “There’s nothing embarrassing about that.”

More like turning into a full dragon and rampaging around for three days, Tamaki wrote.

Koyomi swallowed. “Oh. Uh.” She looked around the dormitory – for its cathedral ceiling, it was relatively narrow, and the doors on either side were smallish as well. “Not… a little full dragon, right?” she asked, holding her hands about a foot apart above her knees.

Tamaki looked at her. Not really, no.

“Didn’t think so,” Koyomi sighed, standing. She stretched her hands above her head, standing on tiptoe, and sank back onto her heels. “Well, if you’re just going into your Artifact, that should be fine, right? Why tell me?”

Tamaki cleared her throat, sending a puff of smoke out of her nostrils. The chance of hurting myself while I’m rampaging is pretty high, so I need someone to look after me. You’re the best choice, since you can freeze me in place if you have to. More importantly… She paused, tapping her claw absently; ink splashed in little dots onto the paper and Koyomi’s bedside table.

“More importantly?” Koyomi prompted, after a minute. Tamaki looked at her, then leaned back over the paper.

More importantly, I trust you.

Koyomi blinked, shocked. “Tamaki…” She patted the other girl’s shoulder, then pulled her to her feet. “So, when are we going? You’ve told Fate-sama already, right?” Tamaki nodded, then held up her hand. Her claws made a sickening sound as they elongated; her skin already looked rougher.

“Now, then,” Koyomi said, not terribly surprised. Tamaki nodded again and held up her card.

“Adeat –” a little burst of fire, and the dormitory vanished.

As always, the world of Tamaki’s Artifact, the Encompanentia Infinitia, was filled with directionless white light; the horizon stretched out into a featureless void in all directions, and Koyomi stumbled a little as she looked up at the giant pillars several – well, they could be several hundred miles away, come to think of it, and just ridiculously large… after a moment, she judiciously lowered her gaze, focusing instead on Tamaki. The Dragonfolk girl was sitting down, hugging her knees to her chest; she looked up at Koyomi as the other girl approached.

“I was wrong,” she said, addressing the air a meter to Koyomi’s right to avoid blasting her. “It’s happening earlier than I thought…” With some difficulty, she stood, then kneeled, folding her legs underneath her. Her hands rested on the strange not-stone of the pillar they stood on; as her fingers curled shut, her claws gouged deep lines in the smooth surface. “I’m sorry, Koyomi.”

“Don’t apologize,” Koyomi replied, pulling her card from her pocket. “I’m glad to help—”

“No,” Tamaki replied, her voice going rough around the edges. “I’m apologizing in advance… in case I hurt you.” Before Koyomi could react, she had hunched over, shaking. Koyomi opened her mouth – and let out a squeak as massive leathery wings tore through Tamaki’s cloak.

—

“Has anyone seen Koyomi-chan or Tamaki-chan?” Linara asked that night, frowning around the dormitory at the other girls. Dinner had once again come and gone with no sign of either girl, and the woodelf was getting worried. Fate would only say that they were working on an assignment together, but none of the other girls could recall them leaving, and none of the Flying Fish were gone. Not even Shiori and Homura were any help. “We should have heard from them by now, at least…” She jumped as a sudden thunderclap echoed in the confined space, causing several of the younger girls to scream.

“Don’t worry… about us,” Koyomi said, from behind her. Linara turned, gasping as she saw the two girls leaning on each other for support. Tamaki wore Koyomi’s cloak and nothing else; the dark lines on her forehead had branched out again, creating a more complex design, and her horns were longer and darker than they had been. Koyomi’s dress was torn in several places, and the fabric beneath the cuts was stained dark with blood; both girls looked exhausted. Stranger still, both were smiling. “We’re just fine.”

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t worry,” Linara replied, a bit more sharply than she might have if they hadn’t suddenly appeared from thin air. “Come on, sit down… you both look terrible.” She led the pair to Tamaki’s bed, sitting them down gently. “I should talk to Fate-sama,” she muttered, shooting a glare over her shoulder at the door to the upper floors of the Palace. “Making you two do something like this…” she sighed, turning back to the pair. “What…”

She stopped. The two had fallen asleep, arms around each other. Tamaki’s head was pillowed on Koyomi’s shoulder, turned to keep her horns from hurting the cat-eared girl. Koyomi’s hand rested on the back of the other girl’s head, tangled in her white hair. It was fairly obvious that separating them would be a chore. Linara sighed and pulled her quilt off of her bed, tucking it over the pair. “We can talk to them tomorrow,” she said, shooing the other girls back to their own beds. “Come on, go to sleep. I’m not making breakfast for lazy girls who sleep in tonight.”

As the sounds of the other girls gradually faded away and the candlelight filling the dormitory faded breath by breath, Tamaki opened her eyes. Careful of her horns, she sat up as much as she dared to look at Koyomi. “Thank you, Koyomi,” she murmured. Koyomi smiled in her sleep, and Tamaki settled back down, closing her own eyes.

For the first time in a week, she slept soundly.

Less than ten minutes later, Chisame had been proved to be right on her suspicions.

"Uwaa! No, Kakizaki-san, no! I can do that by myself!" his voice yelled from behind the curtains of the dressing stand at the store.

"Don't be so shy, Negi-kun!" Misa's voice musically laughed in a cristaline way from behind the same curtains. "Men always need help to dress up properly; otherwise you just make a mess out of yourselves. Now unfast that buckle! The pants are next!"

The graying saleswoman waiting outside next to the other girls chuckled with a hand over her mouth. "He's a very respectful boy. That's strange to see in these times. Which one of you is his sister?"

"None of us," Satomi plainly said. "He's our homeroom teacher."

The woman was left speechless. "..................... Oh."

Negi re-emerged into sight wearing more casual pants and a solid black T-shirt with the stylized design of a white wing on his chest. "I think... I think I'll pick this one," he said.

"I told him to choose another thing," Misa bemoaned, "But he can be very stubborn. I can't believe he wants to wear that ugly black thing when he can wear something much cuter and more modern like... this!"

She held another T-shirt, this one displaying a colorful and extravagant rainbow design, up, for the others to see.

Chisame, Satomi, Asuna and Madoka all made disgusted faces.

"Actually, I can't blame him!" Asuna admitted.

"Seriously?" Sakurako pointed at the piece of clothing Misa favored. "I think this one's much better, too."

"They have no taste, Sakurako-chan. Let them be," Kakizaki feigned an offended humph.

"I'm sorry...!" Negi laughed weakly. "But for some reason, I really like this one," he looked down at the wing drawing. "It's... cool looking."

"Yeah," Asuna smiled. "Yeah, it is."

Then there was the briefest silence until Misa turned to the saleswoman. "So, how much is it?"

"Kakizaki-san, no!" Negi started. "I insist on paying for it!"

"Hush, hush," the violet haired girl silenced him. "I said it'd be on me, and I'll be offended if you contradict me."

Now that had managed to close his mouth down. "...Okay, sorry."

Chisame sighed to herself again. Honestly, he was just too easy to manipulate.

"YAHOOO! What a great weather!" Sakurako stretched her arms up as they all walked out into the street.

"You're so right!" Misa beamed, keeping Negi grabbed by an arm as he carried the bag with the folded suit he had taken off in his other hand. "Okay, let's buy some clothes for us now!"

"Ehhhh?" Sakurako blinked. "I thought we'd go to the karaoke after that!"

"That sounds good too," Misa agreed. "Fine, let's do it!"

"That can wait!" Madoka pointed at the other side of the avenue. "Look, the matinee session is about to start!"

They all looked to the movie theater heavily featured in the mall the black haired cheerleader pointed at. The large posters on its walls showed image after image of a tall, tough looking guy with huge sideburns and an even bigger brown Afro, holding a large gun in each hand.

"NABESHIN: THE MOVIE?" Negi said.

"I love American-style action movies!" Madoka gushed. "And remember, we have a blackout tonight, so we can't catch the evening show! We always can do the karaoke after we finish here!"

"Alright, it doesn't look that bad..." Asuna nodded thoughtfully. "I kinda liked the TV show, so the movie shouldn't be that bad..."

"The TV show was the best!" Madoka slammed her right fist against the open palm of her left hand. "It was amazing! I have all the DVDs!"

"Ahhh... Seriously?" Negi brightened up. "Sounds great...! We never had that show at Wales, but I'd like to see it!"

"Then let's go!" Misa began to pull him towards the mall. "You too, sleepyheads! Or we'll lose the best seats!"

"Come on, Prof-chan!" Predictably, Sakurako grabbed Hakase and similarly pulled her away with herself. Madoka simply strode right behind them, humming happily.

Chisame and Asuna dragged behind.

"I think it's a stupid show," Hasegawa confided in a low voice.

Asuna shrugged. "Not bad to kill some time off. If it makes them happy..."

Misa pampered on Negi again, buying him the tallest order of soda, popcorn and candy available. The teacher had thanked her with truly childlike enthusiasm, and silently, Chisame decided to let Kakizaki have her way with him for now. After all, he finally was behaving his age. That had to be good thing.

They sat in the closest row to the screen they could find, although the theater was mostly full by then. Madoka first, then Asuna next to hers, then Chisame, with Hakase at her side. Sakurako and Satomi's other side, and Negi between her and Misa. Chamo chose to cuddle down into Misa's lap, rubbing himself too closely against her crotch for her comfort, although she still allowed him to stay there.

The 'NABESHIN' logo appeared on the giant screen as the classic music from the TV show started to play. Madoka swooned.

"His name is Watanabe Shinichi!" the narrator's voice began to boom through the theater. "A man with no past, a living legend traveling the world in a never ending journey for revenge... and justice!"

Two loud gunshots were heard, making Negi jump in place.

"It's all part of the classic opening!" Misa eased him down with a laugh. "Nothing else, Negi-kun!"

"Eh, heh heh, yes, sorry..." he quickly nodded.

"Along with his loyal allies, Antonio, Tetsuko the Mysterious Lady, and the Space Butler, Nabeshin fights the evil forces of the sinister Syndicate while looking for his wife and daughter!" the narrator continued.

"I heard he finally finds them in this movie," Madoka whispered to Asuna.

"Then the story ends here?" Asuna whispered back, disbelieving. "No way!"

"It doesn't," Chisame mumbled, annoyed, just to get them to shut up. "And if you don't keep quiet, I'll tell you all the spoilers I learned from the Internet."

"I though you didn't like the show enough to—" Asuna started.

"Space Butler dies at mid-movie!" Chisame shot back without giving her any time to finish.

"AHH! STOP TALKING, YOU SPOILING FIEND! I'LL SHUT UP!" Madoka covered her ears with her hands just as the public behind her angrily hushed her.

"... Space Butler?" Negi babbled.

"It's... that kind of show..." Misa laughed weakly.

Asuma's jaw practically hit the floor. He had known that Mahora was abnormally large, but think that something of this magnitude existed...

Yuu grinned at him. “You wouldn't be so surprised if you had ever been to a library before.” He turned to see Nelly scurrying wide-eyed around the nearby bookcases, as if the Library was Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

“There are so many books here!” She scuttled down the nearest staircase. “I never knew Mahora had something like this!”

“We are currently on the third basement level of Library Island.” Yuu took a sip from his juicebox before continuing to talk as he led the group down the stairway after Nelly. “Middleschoolers are generally forbidden from going to the lower levels.”

“Why is that? Hey!” Asuma groaned as Nelly shoved past her on her way to one of the bookcases.

“Asuma, look!” She reached out for one of the ancient looking tomes. “This book is incredibly rare!”

“Sensei, don't!” Yuu called out to his teacher, but she wasn't paying attention. “You shouldn't touch that!”

It was too late. As Nelly wrapped her hand around the spine of the book, there was a flicking sound. A small arrow shot from a gap in between the books, flying straight towards Nelly's face. She let out a cry and jumped back, covering her face with her hands. When she finally dared to peek through her fingers, she saw the tip of the arrow mere inches from her face, grasped firmly by Kaneda's hand.

“This library has many traps set up to protect the rare books from thieves.” Yuu's face was still deadpan as he watched Kaneda snap the arrow in half and toss it off to the side. “Please be careful and don't touch anything.”

“Wow! This is like a thing out of a video game!” Ku Wei rubbed his hands together in excitement. “So many traps!”

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” Asuma pointed at the arrow, face red with anger. “You could have killed someone!”

“Who booby-traps a library anyway!?” Makoto stood behind Asuma, less angry, but equally indignant.

“Like I said, there are many extremely rare and valuable books down here.” Yuu shrugged. “That's why this section of the library is off limits.” He ignored their continued grumbling. Some people just don't understand the value of books. He reached into his bag and retrieved his radio. “Surface Team, come in. This is Yuu. We are at basement level 3. About to proceed.”

“Roger, Library Team. You are clear to proceed.” Haru's voice crackled as it came through over the radio.

“Roger.” Yuu waved at the rest of the team. “Let's continue.”

“Um...Yuu...” Nelly tugged nervously at her student's sleeve. “Why exactly are we going down here? Asuma just kind of dragged me out of bed without telling me what was going on...”

Well, that explains it... Yuu had been wondering why Nelly had chosen to wear her nightclothes on this sort of expedition. It didn't explain the enormous staff that the girl was carrying on her back, but it explained a lot. Leave it to Asuma to leave out all of the important information...

“It's because of final exams, sensei.”

“Final exams?”

“Yes. We believe that this library may contain a magic book that increases the intelligence of anyone who reads it. If such a thing really exists, it be invaluable in improving our grades.”

“A magic book!?” Nelly put a hand to her head. If there really was a magic book in this library, things were going to get really complicated...

“Yep, a magic book!” Kon gave her a thumbs-up.

“Come on, sensei!” Makoto squirmed. “We need the help!”

“Well, yes..but...” She turned to Asuma, who was busy trying not to make eye contact. “Asuma!” She grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a crouch so she could whisper into his ear. “Why didn't you tell me about this!? And after you got mad at me for trying to use magic...”

“Listen...” He laughed nervously. “Let's just call this extenuating circumstances, okay? Something really bad could happen if we don't get our grades up, so can we please just try to find the book?”

Nelly looked Asuma in the eyes for a few seconds.

“Okay.” She smiled. “Thanks for going to all this trouble.”

“Don't worry about it.” He ruffled Negi's hair and walked over to where the rest of the group was standing.

“So where exactly are we going?” Makoto tapped Yuu on the shoulder. “How long is this going to take?”

“Well...” Yuu pulled a rolled up map from his bag, spreading it out so the other students could see it. “I got this from the club room. It's incomplete, but it covers all the sections we need to know about.” He put a finger to the paper. “We're here right now. We need to get down to basement level 11 and head along this underground passage here.” His finger traced their route. “The book should be at the end.”

“Okay...” Asuma pondered the plan. “It may take a few hours, but we should be able to make it back sometime between eleven and midnight.”

“Good thing.” Makoto sighed. “I'd hate to be exhausted during classes tomorrow.”

“So we're good to go!” Asuma clenched his fist. “I'm not letting them break up my class! That magic book is ours!”

“I don't know...” Makoto was beginning to sweat. “If this level has traps and stuff, wouldn't the lower ones be even more dangerous? Maybe we shouldn't do this...”

“Oh, don't worry about it!” Kon smacked him on the back. “We're pros! We know what we're doing.”

“It will be adventurous!” Ku Wei clapped his hands. “Like a picnic!”

Kaneda just grinned and nodded in approval.

“Nelly, you coming?” Yuu waved at his teacher, who appeared to be deep in thought. “We need to get going!”

Down in the university campus, Makie nonchalantly leaned against the wall beside the door of the engineering lab, as if resting from a run. Only someone who was looking for it would notice the flash of white as it scrabbled up the wall and into the ventilation shaft. Makie jogged off round the corner then hid in one of the bushes.

Ten minutes of waiting nervously was rewarded by a buzz as the door opened and the security camera light winking out.

It was eerie inside, the dim sodium glow of the street lights outside bathing everything in an orange hue that only served to deepen the shadows.

Therefore it was quite understandable that Makie would shriek when she felt tiny little claws touch her ankle and start clambering up.

"AAAmmmph", said she, clapping her hand over her own mouth.

"SSSHH!", hissed the Brain (for it was he), climbing up to her shoulder. "Let us hope your woollen-headed incompetence has not alerted the security guard."

They waited, listening for any approaching footsteps and subsequent trouble. Nothing.

The Brain and Makie breathed a sigh of relief. "Fortune smiles upon us for once. This way!", he said, pointing down the corridor. She followed obediently.

---

Deep in the tangled chaos of Hakase's personal lab, an otherwise normal red-haired Japanese schoolgirl was assisting a small white figure half the height of a pencil in twisting the arm of particle physics till it gave them its lunch money.

At least that's how he explained it. To Makie it looked like he was soldering a random assortment of circuit boards into a handheld vacuum cleaner.

The Brain had surveyed the laboratory with something approaching awe, exclaiming "Where have you been all my life!" before he could catch himself. Setting to work, he'd begun directing Makie to fetch him parts from the drawers, to hold this, or solder that when he needed more strength (there were already a couple of burns straight through the sleeve of her hoodie, dammit).

"Rare-earth ring modulator" he said, holding out a paw.

"Uhh... uh..." Searching for a specific part in the wire and capacitor haystack was an exercise in futility by the light of the single work lamp. She spun around, weathervane-style, hoping her bewilderment was obvious enough to warrant divine inspiration or a hint from Brain-sama - whichever came first.

"Fifth drawer, green clear-fronted cabinet, above my head", recited Brain.

Not for the first time Makie wondered at exactly how smart Brain-sama was. She dug out a little metal doughnut wired to a board and handed it down.

"Thank you. Almost... finished... there!" He soldered the last connection into place and stood back to survey his work.

"Yayy, Brain! Err... what is it?"

Gesturing towards the finished article, he proclaimed, "Can't you see? THIS is a Graviton Emitter with a Lossless Ratio-preserving Dimensional Trap and I, I have succeeded in minaturising it!"

"You still haven't told me what it does, Brain."

The Brain looked disgruntled. "Your education leaves everything to be desired. Simply, it blah word dimensionally chatter chatter jargon to create doodle bunk yah and reversibly shrink any solid object with science words."

Makie hadn't understood half of that, but she had caught 'shrink'. "Oh I get it! It's a shrink ray!"

The Brain sighed. "Yes, if you wanted to reduce this to the level of flying saucers made of paper plates, it is indeed 'a shrink ray'." Makie had the impression he was waiting for her to ask, so...

"Can I see if it works?"

Offended (though not really) he said, "Of course it works! Help me stand it in this vice, and aim it at that chair."

Act Six Point One:

The group watched how the Hero's car spun around in the air, then crashed back against the ground, giving several turns before stopping, with the cars of the bad guys gathering around it. As the Hero crawled out and began shooting his enemies dead, Asuna commented, "You know, I've always wondered why no one in those cars breaks his neck when that happens."

"That's very morbid, Asuna," Madoka replied.

"But the car spins around, crashing against the ground several times, hard enough to end up a mess! I mean, I haven't ever been in one of those myself, but I figure there's a good chance of snapping your neck there."

"I figure there's a good chance of the audience snapping our necks if you don't keep it quiet," Chisame hushed them.

Several murmurs of approval could be heard from the back rows.

Madoka whistled sinking into her seat. "I always wished to live dangerously."

"I see why you enrolled into Mahora, then," Chisame answered.

Act Six Point Two:

Negi really wanted to move his right arm.

The only problem being Misa wasn't letting it go.

"Kakizaki-san..." he whispered.

"Just call me Misa. What is it?"

"My arm is kind of numb..."

"Oh, dear! Never worry, I'll massage it so it feels better!"

"No, no! I only need—" He shuddered while her soft petite hands started to rub up and down his arm. "I-I only need—"

"Does it feel good, Negi-kun?" she playfully purred.

"... Yes. That's exactly the problem."

"You need to relax. Let me work on that," she started massaging his shoulders now.

He gasped. "I-I-I think I need to use the restroom!"

"Oh! I can help you with—"

"NO, PLEASE!"

"— I only wanted to show you the way..."

At that point, Asuna felt compelled to ask, "Why would you know the way to the men's toilets??"

Someone must have finally gotten sick with the noise, because at that exact same moment, a discarded Pepsi can bounced on her head from behind.

Act Six Point Three:

With a sigh, Negi finally returned from the bathroom just in time to see his students watching at the screen with huge and paralyzed eyes.

"Girls? What's wro—" Then he looked at the screen again and understood. His jaw hung open at the sight of the current scene.

"Kumi-Kumi-san..." Nabeshin was lustily panting.

"Oh, Nabeshin..." the woman under him sighed.

Chisame rushed over to Negi and blocked his eyes with her hands. "Wh-Who the Hell decided this movie was PG?!"

"Well..." Sakurako blinked, scratching her right cheek. "The shadows make a good job of hiding the worst parts, I think..."

Misa looked down at her own lap with disgust. "Negi-kun! Your ermine has—he has—!"

"Huh. That'll leave a stain," Hakase took a good look at it. "You should see how many of Chisame's panties he has—"

Chisame just grabbed the Pepsi can Asuna had crushed down and tossed it into Satomi's head before she could finish the sentence.

Act Six Point Four:

Misa returned wiping her hands clean and helplessly looking down at her skirt. "I'll need to buy a new one after we're out."

"I'm so deeply sorry, Kakizaki-san," Negi apologized again, keeping Chamo now firmly seated on his knees.

Misa just gave him a casual hug. "Don't be. It's not your fault. So, what did I miss?"

"They have just revealed Tetsuko was really a man, and they tossed another two cans on Asuna's head," Madoka whispered.

The redhead was rubbing her aching head. "Why do I have to be the target when you guys make noise?"

"The bells make you the most visible target in the dark?" Satomi postulated.

"Hush, hush!" Madoka said. "Look! Space Butler is about to—!"

"Adios... Amigos..." the man with the colorful hair had just pressed a button and blown himself to pieces along with his enemies.

"SPACE BUTLERRRRRR!!!" Nabeshin cried out. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"I still don't understand who was that man supposed to be," Negi confessed softly.

"I'll lend you my DVD collection," Madoka promised.

Negi still was puzzled. "Shouldn't they have made the movie more accesible for those who didn't watch the series?" he wondered.

"Yeah, like we did with the Ala Alba OVA?" Hakase dryly asked.

Everyone else just gave her a blunt and sudden 'Don't touch that topic' stare.

"... Sorry," she quickly fell back in character.

Act Six Point Five:

The climax was a really intense and frightening one, with all the aliens and ghosts and the hook-handed murderer and everything else. Intense enough to make Negi cling to Misa for emotional support, being harshfully reminded of a traumatic event in his past as soon as the snow began to fall around the combatants and the demons started to join the melee. Misa just smiled and cradled him against herself, under her arm.

Sakurako was doing the same thing with Hakase, much to the latter's awkward annoyance.

"Sakurako-san..." she whispered.

"Wh-What, Prof-chan...?"

"You don't need to grab me so strongly..."

"Sorry..." the cheerleader looked at her with huge pleading puppy eyes. "It's just this part is really, really scary..."

Satomi softened down a bit. "Very well, then... I guess..."

Then a guy was abruptly cut by half, and both Negi and Sakurako yelped, hugging their respective supporters even more tightly.

Misa and Satomi all but melted down.

"Man, this is lame," Asuna grunted. "The series was much better. It's as if they're throwing everything and the kitchen sink in, and it just isn't working at all. Don't you think the same, Chisame?"

No reply.

Asuna looked aside to see Hasegawa was just too busy drawing on a small notebook to notice her. The redhead saw she was scrawling sketches of the heroine's dress up.

"... Why are you doing that?"

"I DON'T DO COSPLAY!" Chisame shouted without looking at her.

"... Ah."

Another can landed on Asuna's head. She only sighed by this point.

Act Six Point Six:

"DIRECTOR-SAAAAAAAN!!" the little girl wailed as she ran into her father's waiting arms.

"POEMI-CHANNNN!!!" Nabeshin caught her into a strong loving hug.

"Why does she call him 'Director'?" Negi asked in the lowest possible tone.

"I'll explain you later," Misa promised, with a finger over her lips.

Madoka sobbed, running a tissue over her wet eyes. "... Beautiful. The moment we waited for through six full seasons...!"

Then a gunshot was heard from nowhere, and the little girl fell down against her father's body.

"POEMI-CHANNNNNN!!!" Nabeshin cried. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The series' end theme began to sound as the words 'TO BE CONTINUED...' appeared in giant letters over the screen.

"...........!!!!" Madoka had her mouth fully open.

"So, the spoilers were right," Chisame huffed.

Yet another can landed on Asuna's head. The Baka Red had enough now; she sprang to her feet and tried to find her attacker in the darkness. "OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH! WHO'S THE WISEGUY!? WHO?!"

A young couple carrying their four years old son was already scurrying through the back door.

"Honestly, Shin-chan!" the young mother was sweating cold. "We can't bring you anywhere!"

"Gimme a break, Misae!" the child giggled despite the large fresh bump on his head. "I couldn't resist the sound of those bells!"