All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

Elsewhere.

"汝の身は我が下に、我が命運は汝の剣に," he chanted, brooding and ominously. "
聖杯の寄るベに従い—!"

Then his closest window exploded from the outside in a burst of glass shards and purple smoke. And there was another voice booming, "I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the secondary that spoils your fun, I am Darkwing Duck!"

"AAAIIIEEEEEE!!" the surprised Magus shrieked, in a way very unfitting a heir of a glorious house. Even a fallen one.

—-

"Who knows?" Darkwing answered Launchpad's question with another one, as he crouched down to look closely at the circle drawn on the warehouse's floor. The floor creaked under the light touch of his small, white hand, covered by enough feathers as to render gloves irrelevant. The masked midnight mallard frowned while studying the complicated designs painted on the old, dusty wood."These mystic types are often crazy enough as to do illogical things for the simple sake of it."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," his much taller sidekick nodded, rubbing himself up and down an arm. "Wish Morgs could be here. I bet she could tell us what was going on before we broke in."

"Yep, yep, yep. She could," Darkwing winced slightly, hoping his crouched position with his back to LP wasn't giving it away. It still ached, thinking about her, so he had come to avoid it as much as he could. Places like this hardly were helping any, however.

"And that guy isn't going to be of any help for a long while, so..." Launchpad continued, looking at the downed parrot-guy in a dark cloak several steps from them, a ceremonial dagger still in a hand.

"Look, next time, I'll hit them softer, okay?" an exasperated Darkwing said. "Hardly my fault, he startled me! And it's not like I had any cause to fear him, but years of expertly honed battle instincts took over and— Look at what you made me do!" he took a finger to his mouth, quickly suckling the splinter out of it. "This pigpen might be infected! Not that it's a concern for someone with such an iron health, of course, but still!"

He didn't really notice the tiny drop of his blood hitting the circle and sparkling for a moment. As he fully got back up and dusted himself off, he muttered, "But you're right, this oddball won't be talking for a couple hours at least. Let's drop him by the police station while searching the next location. I'm sure there must be something on him, I don't know, major pending debts, harassment charges on the models at the latest comic-con, something like—"

"Um, DW...?" Launchpad gulped, pointing behind him. "You might want to look at that..."

"What?" Darkwing took a look back over his shoulder, before being thrown ahead and stumbling into his sidekick by an overwhelming, invisible force. Just as the shining of the circle drawn on the floor became overwhelming and filled the room.

Next thing he knew, he was on top of a dizzy Launchpad who rested on his back on the floor, and someone stood over them. Spinning around and aiming his gan gun with swift skill and peerless speed, he realized he was pointing it up at... some sort of girl. At least, she was dressed like a girl, although she looked rather... strange. Like the aliens from Comet Guy's planet. Basically, a hairless ape of sorts. The only hair visible on her was on her head, most of it bunched up in long twin brown tails at the sides of her scalp. She wore shiny black shoes with tall, matching stockings and a very short skirt, plus a tight red sweater with a white cross motif on her chest. She extended a hand towards the superhero, fearlessly, and asked, "You. Are you my Master?"

"Eh?" Darkwing grunted, while poking at Launchpad's ribs with his foot, trying to wake him up.

"I can't believe it, you've got the seals," the shaved ape sneered out a corner of her mouth, staring at the back of Darkwing's right hand and the strange newly appeared designs on it. "That must mean you're my Master, but really? A talking duck with a cape? What's the meaning of this, why does the Root hate me so much?!"

"I'm not any 'talking duck with a cape', lady," the duck protested, "I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the zookeeper who keeps the alien beasts jailed, I am Darkwing Duck!"

"Oh, really," the ape sighed bitterly. "Well. I am Servant Caster." Swallowing her obvious irritation, she made a polite but short bowing to Darkwing, then added, "It looks like we will be working together in this Holy Grail War."

"There's a war going on in the city?" Launchpad said, rubbing his head as he came back to his senses. "Well, I guess that explains the gas leaks and explosions all over town, then! See, DW? I had a hunch hitting this place would hit off!"

"Be quiet, Launchpad," Darkwing tensely told him, narrowing his eyes at the self-proclaimed 'Caster'.

She looked around, then wondered aloud, "Why is it that, despite this being the strangest thing that's ever happened to me, I'm still feeling some sort of deja vu?"

Your self is under me, my fate(doom) is in your sword.
In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grail, (...)

CRACC Dating Service!

"Juvia doesn't think this is going to work," the bored looking blue haired woman said over the restaurant's table. "At all."

The male at the other end of the table nodded. "Desperate for some companion in life? Eager to meet someone who can go along with the flux of your existence? Willing to try new chances at your currently sunken love life? Then, no matter what, still DON'T take CRACC's Dating Service!"

"Juvia's love life isn't sunken," the curvy woman in black furs defensively said. "but yes, you're right, this blind date stinks."

"Darn right, toots! No matter what principles may he break, the bombastic, awesome Liquidator is not, and has never been, into bestiality!" the dog-man made of water nodded even more fiercely this time.

"That's Juvia's line," she snorted.

"However, we still can be friends, can't we?"

She cracked a half-smile. "Penpals sounds fine."

"Penpals it is, then!" the Liquidator offered her a hand, which she shook. "God knows one needs as many penpals as one can collect when one spends so much time in cold storage as the Liquidator does!"

Luvia nodded absently while thinking, Oh, where my fated paramour would be?!

—-

In the chugging train Gray Fullbuster was at, he shuddered. "Something wrong, Gray-san?" Shidou Hikaru asked him.

He shook his head. "Nothing, just a fleeting dumb bad thought..."

—-

"Okay," Juvia said over the restaurant table, "Juvia supposes this is better than the last date CRACC set up for her, but still not up to Juvia's standards."

Miz Mishtal, Water Priestess of Arliman, sobbed melodramatically. "I'll say! Why do I keep trusting those awful people? I keep telling them I need a husband! And that means a male! A handsome male with a stable job! What are they trying to tell me?!"

"Penpals?" Juvia asked with a bored air of resignation.

"Are you sure you don't have a suitable, well positioned brother or a cousin or a—"

"For the last time, no, I don't, anywhere."

“There is something I have to tell you,” Siesta said. She was well aware she was starting that conversation in what had to be one of the worst possible ways. On the other hand, she couldn’t help phrasing herself that way. She had Springfield blood in her veins, after all.

The black haired boy, barely any taller than her, in blue jeans and an old white and light blue sweater sitting across the small table at the back of the grocery store nodded. “Okay, what is it, Siesta-chan?”

For a moment, she pondered how to reveal the truth to him, or if she even should, although it probably was too late for backing away. After all, she was no mage or was recognized as such, so technically they couldn’t turn her into an ermine. On the other hand, they could swipe her and Saito’s memories, ship her back to Mundus Magicus, and jail her away if the Immigration Program ever learned about this. Still, the Idiot Hero genes in her finally won, and she said…

“Umm, Siesta-chan, I’m kinda waiting for that thing you were going to tell me, you know,” the young man said, with his usual awkward lack of tact, interrupting what Siesta was about to say before she could even start saying it. She did a very quick and short, blink-and-you-miss-it facefault on Hiraga Saito’s table, then pulled herself back up and hastily tightened the collar of her maid uniform, the one she always wore to go buy the groceries for the Yukihiro Manor. It netted her a consistently high rate of discounts in most stores ran by men.

“I’m the illegitimate daughter of a wizard, the most powerful mage in the Magical World I come from!” she forced herself to say, clenching a wide, bright smile from ear to ear and securing it into place. “It’s something I learned a while ago, but I wasn’t sure how to tell you, so I had been stalling on it for weeks, I’m so sorry!”

Saito blinked a few times, his face slowly but steadily losing color from the moment the word ‘wizard’ had been uttered. After Siesta stopped talking and nervously waited for his reaction (fixed smile still holding on desperately), he turned wary, wide brown eyes to the calendar on the wall, checked it wasn’t April’s Fools, then looked at Siesta again. “Would you mind repeating that, please?”

“I’m the daughter of Nagi Springfield, a powerful hero from my homeworld, a magical alternate dimension,” Siesta patiently said, carefully studying Saito’s stupefied expression while inwardly chewing herself out over being stupid enough as to bring the subject up. “That, that doesn’t mean I’m a mage myself, and it doesn’t really change anything about our, about our relationship, but I thought it was just fair, you should know all the same… you know…”

The busty young woman blushed deeply, crossing her hands over her lap and then staring intently at her intertwined feet, which shook so much she just hoped they weren’t a sign of what was happening to the rest of her body right then.

“… okay,” Saito said, his voice very small and troubled.

Siesta blushed even further and flustered. “I, I, I know I must sound like I’m crazy, but I’m not! And I’m not kidding you, either! Please believe me!” she begged. “Just think of all the extraordinary things that have been happening all across the world over the last few years, and then ask yourself if they are that much more unbelievable than, than the existence of magic!”

He gulped, clearly torn between panic at her reaction, bafflement at her sudden despair, and something else. “You, you mean, like the superheroes and all that? W-Well, okay, that’s all out-there and such, I guess, but all those things have scientific, logical explanations! I think. You sure that father of yours isn’t a mutant who spun a wild story about being a wizard to you?”

“Saito!” she said. “I’m serious! And I said I came from that world of magic myself, remember! I’ve known about it long before I ever learned who my father was!”

“… Alright, then,” he gulped, further sinking into his mixture of conflicted emotions.

She sighed, rubbing two fingers in circles on her forehead. “I knew this would happen. The magical field set around the city will make its inhabitants unwilling to believe in magic, even in the face of other clearly paranormal and superhuman incidents happening around them.”

Saito blinked, unable to stop picturing a tinfoil hat on Siesta’s head at the moment.

“I see I’ll have to convince you the hard way, then,” she calmly said, in a stark contrast to how agitated she had been minutes ago. Now she had actually said it and he hadn’t outright called her insane to her face yet (even if he was thinking it, no doubt) she felt like the rest was easy.

Comparatively speaking at least. “Just wait a moment, please.”

Very quietly, he nodded while watching her, curious as to what would she do next. Part of him hoped this was some sort of frisky roleplaying. He liked it a lot when girls did that in adult movies, and unconsciously he crossed his legs under the table, feet pointing at each other. His nose twitched.

Closing her eyes, Siesta pulled a piece of chalk from a pocket on her white apron, then crouched down to start drawing something on the backstore’s floor. “I’m not sure if this will work,” she warned. “I’ve seen actual mages doing it while I worked at Ariadne Academy, and since I learned on my heritage, I’ve studied a few books Yukihiro-sama was kind enough as to lend me. She says I should be able to pull this off, as Nagi Springfield’s daughter, but, well…” she sighed melancholically, “I’ve never actually tried doing it. I wanted you to be my first, Saito.”

Okay, now this definitely was roleplaying, and Saito grew more excited and willing to play around by the moment. He smiled lecherously despite himself, unaware of how goofy he was looking.

Siesta stood back from the complicated circle covered by runes she had just completed, looked at Saito’s face, and frowned slightly at him. This made him drop the goofy smile, replaced by uneasiness, but in turn that made Siesta smile at him again. She grabbed his hands and pulled him to herself, with a strength that surprised him, and made him stand face to face with her, on the circle that was now starting to… glow faintly?

“What…” the boy babbled, trying to look down and make sense of what was happening, but she grabbed his cheeks and forced him to be eye to eye with her.

“My face is up here, Saito,” she sweetly said, using the sentence for the first time in a context unrelated to her breasts. Then, satisfied, she brought his face to hers and kissed his mouth deeply, forcefully.

The small room, smelly of vegetables and fish, seemed to explode into white light just as soon.

—-

“Okay, you’ve convinced me,” Saito nodded, looking at the card now in his right hand. “There is such a thing as magic.”

Siesta giggled softly and nodded, her chest bouncing slight and delightfully under the tight black shirt. “I’m so glad I could share this wonderful secret with you, Saito! Aren’t you happy, too?”

“Um, yeah, of course I am!” he quickly said, then scowled at the card, with an eyebrow trembling. “But, are they all supposed to be this silly looking…?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” she answered. “It’s just, well, like I told you, I’m no mage. The best I could aspire to you as your Magistra Magi was to get a Suka card!”

Saito nodded again, absently, staring at the Super Deformed image of himself as a stupid looking down sitting miserably, with a thick red collar around his neck.

Hiraga Saito

Canis Imbecilis!

Somewhere in Mundus Magicus, Louise Francoise de la Valliere sneezed violently, then angrily rubbed her tiny, pointy nose.