>HENRY: USE PHONE CALL to PHONE VAGC to SEND you a CAKE with a JACKHAMMER in it.
Warning: Posts may cause derp.
Fwomph
> VAGC: Remind Henry that being a GRANDFATHER CLOCK you do not have access to the facilities required for CAKE. Put JACKHAMMER in self and travel to Henry via HAMMERSPACE
It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.
Defiler of Shops
THE WIFE: GET BITTER AND STUFF about the DINNER, and the fact that HENRY mysteriously disappeared.
WHY does HENRY always become LATE to SPECIAL TIMES? You are ANGRY!
>HENRY: USE PHONE CALL to PHONE VAGC to SEND you a CAKE with a JACKHAMMER in it.
You aren't CRAZY. What kind of MENTAL would try to call a CLOCK and ask it to send a CAKE with a JACKHAMMER?
> VAGC: Remind Henry that being a GRANDFATHER CLOCK you do not have access to the facilities required for CAKE. Put JACKHAMMER in self and travel to Henry via HAMMERSPACE
You get this crazy NOTION that you need to deliver a JACKHAMMER to HENRY. You do not see a JACKHAMMER anywhere. And, you know, you aren't MOBILE.
Soul is ugly.
Gristknife
>Salesman: Grow horns.
Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
Fwomph
> Time: Go ahead two days, Henry is being released from prison.
> Justin Time: Go gloat to Justing case over your promotion to OVERDIETY OF TIME
> Justin Case: Punch Justin Time, come up with incredibly complex plan to get Justin Time demoted.
It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.
HIP HOP HIPSTER
> Salesman: Decide LIFE is too much to bear. Commit SUICIDE.
Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
Ghosts' Poet
> WIFE: Show. That Henry. UP!
> SALESWOMAN: Miraculously survive SUICIDE ATTEMPT.
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
>HENRY: SWEAR to THE WIFE that it will never happen again.
>THE WIFE: SCREAM AT LENGTH. THREATEN A DIVORCE.
>SALESWOMAN: ASK of either of them are interested in AVON MAKEUP SOLUTIONS' new PRODUCT.
edited 10th Nov '10 5:05:14 PM by vaguelyyaoilookingcatboy
Warning: Posts may cause derp.
Defiler of Shops
>Salesman: Grow horns. NO.
> Time: Go ahead two days, Henry is being released from prison.
You ASSUME you mean THREE AND A HALF DAYS. HENRY is boarding a PLANE out from JAILVILLE USA to AWESOMELAND.
> Justin Time: Go gloat to Justing case over your promotion to OVERDIETY OF TIME
You would, but since LORD DIETY was replaced by a GUY WITH NO HUMOR, your FIRST NAMES all were RENAMED to GEORGE. Even the ones that aren't PUNS.
> George Case: Punch George Time, come up with incredibly complex plan to get George Time demoted.
GEORGE TIME falls off CLOUD EIGHT, onto a BED on CLOUD SEVEN due to your MIGHTY PUSH. You take a PIECE OF PAPER and start writing down your COMPLEX PLAN.
> Salesman: Decide LIFE is too much to bear. Commit SUICIDE.
Your FACE is always SLAMMED. NO ONE ever BUYS ANYTHING. You've done NOTHING to contribute to the WORLD. You might as well END IT now. You go to the top of AWESOMELAND OFFICES...
And JUMP.
> WIFE: Show. That Henry. UP!
HENRY has not ARRIVED for THREE DAYS. He's at JAILVILLE USA.
YOU MUST SHOW HIM UP.
Going into the GARAGE, you dig up your old EXPERT SCRIBBLENAUT NOTEBOOK from when you were a TEEN. You then PICK into the HACKLEBERS' GARAGE and steal their PERFECTLY NICE CAR. You start DRIVING to the AIRPORT. Then you realize you have a PILOT'S LICENSE and can CONJURE a ROFLCOPTER, and you DO.
> SALESWOMAN: Miraculously survive SUICIDE ATTEMPT.
Suddenly, a WOMAN who makes DEUS EX MACHINAS for a living and works on the TOP FLOOR picks up a RAMP and hangs it out her WINDOW. YOU slide down it, into her OFFICE. It's full of ROBOTS and JARS OF LORD DIETY. This seems like a PENTHOUSE APARTMENT.
>HENRY: SWEAR to THE WIFE that it will never happen again.
>THE WIFE: SCREAM AT LENGTH. THREATEN A DIVORCE.
>SALESWOMAN: ASK of either of them are interested in AVON MAKEUP SOLUTIONS' new PRODUCT.
This is IMPOSSIBLE due to HENRY being on a PLANE, THE WIFE being on a ROFLCOPTER, and CLAIROME being in a DUES EX MACHINA MAKER's PENTHOUSE APARTMENT.
Soul is ugly.
Ghosts' Poet
Wife: X Stats
Perfectly Nice Car: Battle ROFLCOPTER for the right to drive the WIFE
Saleswoman: Consume LORD DIETY
Plane: Come to the ROFLCOPTER's defense
Henry: Do what you always do when confronted with MACHINES WITH MINDS OF THEIR OWN
edited 11th Nov '10 5:12:26 PM by yarrunmace
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
HIP HOP HIPSTER
Wife: Offer sex
Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
Defiler of Shops
Wife: X Stats
Showing off your FIRST AND LAST NAMES, you APPEARIFY your STATS (But not INVENTORY because you don't feel like it and all you have is CLOTHES right now).
- Name: Bob Henerford
- Class: Stern Housewife
- Species: Human
- Color: Grey (Different from Gray)
- Time: 1:37 PM
- Stats:
- STRENGTH: AVERAGE
- SANITY: 100%
- CHARISMA: ABOVE AVERAGE
- Passive Abilities:
- HIGH METABOLISM: The WITCH will never be able to FATTEN you up.
- Weaknesses:
- HIGH METABOLISM: You get HUNGRY more often than AVERAGE PEOPLE.
Perfectly Nice Car: Battle ROFLCOPTER for the right to drive the WIFE
How dare that AERONAUTIC VEHICLE take your UNWANTED, but EXISTING PASSENGER! A LASER pops out of your TRUNK, aimed at the ROFLCOPTER.
Saleswoman: Consume LORD DIETY
Ooh, JARS full of THINGS! You go and eat the THINGS. You feel like you can do ANYTHING.
Plane: Come to the ROFLCOPTER's defense
Your AERONAUTIC VEHICLE SENSE is TINGLING! You start going the SPEED OF LIGHTNING towards the CHOPPER IN NEED. You see the PERFECTLY NICE CAR and lock on.
Henry: Do what you always do when confronted with MACHINES WITH MINDS OF THEIR OWN
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
PLANE: IMPACT:
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooosssssshhh. You are destroyed. So is the PERFECTLY NICE CAR.
And the ROFLCOPTER.
HENRY and THE WIFE are now laying on the GROUND, INJURED and FLAMING.
Wife: Offer sex
How? You are NEAR DEATH.
Soul is ugly.
HIP HOP HIPSTER
Convenientley Nearby Doctor: Treat Wounds
Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
Ghosts' Poet
SALESWOMAN: Now that you can do ANYTHING, help THE HENERFORDS in an ACT OF MERCY
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
Defiler of Shops
Convenientley Nearby Doctor: Treat Wounds
Sadly, you're in JAPAN treating a SUMO WRESTLER who BURNT herself. So you're not so CONVENIENTLY NEARBY at all.
SALESWOMAN: Now that you can do ANYTHING, help THE HENERFORDS in an ACT OF MERCY
Actually, that was just a FEELING. All you can do abnormally now is LIFT REALLY HEAVY THINGS EASILY. Like a PLANE, but it's EXPLODED.
Soul is ugly.
HIP HOP HIPSTER
CONVENIENTLY NEARBY MORTICIAN: Prepare a FUNERAL
Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
>WIFE: With what little STRENGTH you have, tell HENRY you love him and that if you two happen to SURVIVE this, you will reward him with THE MOST MIND-BLOWING SEX HE HAS EVER RECEIVED.
Ghosts' Poet
HENRY: Driven by that OFFER, get up and crawl to the NEAREST HOSPITAL
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
>HENRY: Become the HULK. Use GREEN-NESS POWERS to throw WIFE to the HOSPITAL.
edited 14th Nov '10 9:19:16 AM by doomferret
Ghosts' Poet
CONVENIENTLY NEARBY DOCTOR: Wonder why the SUMO WRESTLER is female.
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
Defiler of Shops
CONVENIENTLY NEARBY MORTICIAN: Prepare a FUNERAL
Oh yay! DYING PEOPLE! You can arrange a FUNERAL! You start dragging the NEAR DEAD BODIES to the CHAPEL.
>WIFE: With what little STRENGTH you have, tell HENRY-
You are too FLAMING to TALK right now.
'''HENRY: Driven by that OFFER, get up and crawl-
Even if she had said SOMETHING, you are 1. FLAMING and WEAK and 2. Being DRAGGED by a FUNERAL DIRECTOR GUY.
>HENRY: Become the HULK. Use GREEN-NESS POWERS to throw THE WIFE to the HOSPITAL.
What's this? You are turning GREEN... You feel NOT WEAK! However, you aren't POWERFUL enough to LIFT up THE WIFE easily, let alone THROW her. You can LIFT her with lots of CONCENTRATION, though.
CONVENIENTLY NEARBY DOCTOR: Wonder why the SUMO WRESTLER is female.
WOMEN can get FAT and then FIGHT too! But this doesn't MATTER, she burnt her FOOT by stepping on a GRILL.
Soul is ugly.
Fwomph
> VAGC: Feel a disturbance in the Hammerspace, something you have not felt since the days of BORIS.
> Small shard of cold metal: Fall out of Hammerspace and into the interior of VAGC
edited 14th Nov '10 3:20:28 PM by Pentigan
It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.
Ghosts' Poet
CHAPEL'S PASTOR: Convince CONVENIENT NEARBY MORTICIAN to have a CHANGE OF HEART and save the HENERFORDS
you'll then have a grave in the clouds where you won't lie too cramped
HIP HOP HIPSTER
CNM: Shoot bodies to ensure deadness.
Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
(I thought we time skipped.)
THE WIFE: GET BITTER AND STUFF about the DINNER, and the fact that HENRY mysteriously disappeared.
Warning: Posts may cause derp.