Errant Quest II

Hello and welcome. This is a quest thread. I did one like it before and then subsequently abandoned it. This is try two.

—

You have found yourself in a MISERABLE BACKWATER TOWN. You stand at the middle of a DEEPLY-RUTTED DIRT PATH. A HORSE stands off to one side of the path, tied to a DEAD TREE. There is a BAR to the west, a GENERAL STORE to the east, a CHURCH to the northeast, and some HOUSES to the north.

You are ERRANT, a WANDERING VAGABOND.

You have in your possession a LARGE STICK. A BAG is tied to its end. The BAG contains some SCRAPS OF FOOD, a BIT OF CHALK, and a MYSTERIOUS PENDANT.

>> (What do you do? Please input a command.)

edited 13th Oct '10 5:32:06 PM by ShadowWarden

> EXAMINE PENDANT

> Find letter from a girl you've never heard of.

> EXAMINE PENDANT

You received this pendant in a very plot-specific event that you don't know about yet because you haven't had the requisite flashback. Let's just hold off on that for a moment, okay? We've got a story to tell here.

> FIND LETTER FROM A GIRL YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

You dig a crumpled piece of paper out of your pocket and open it up:

"Errant,

Remember that you can move using the directional pad! If your health ever falls too low, you can restore it by sleeping at an inn!

Gretchen"

You have no idea what it means.

>>

edited 13th Oct '10 2:52:33 PM by ShadowWarden

>GO TO and EXAMINE HORSE

edited 13th Oct '10 4:52:34 PM by Quantumawsome

>Eat PIECE OF PAPER

edited 13th Oct '10 4:55:57 PM by Shichibukai

>GET YE FLASK

>GO TO and EXAMINE HORSE

You make an amazing and wonderful discovery: This HORSE belongs to you! Her name is GERTRUDE. She is the very last of a rare breed of TALKING HORSES and your LOYAL COMPATRIOT.

>Eat PIECE OF PAPER

It tastes like HORSE. GERTRUDE snorts at you disapprovingly.

>GET YE FLASK

You pull a FLASK out of your nostril. It is filled with LIQUID COURAGE.

—> Make another Firesign Theatre reference, while entering BAR.

>Give LIQUID COURAGE to GERTRUDE.

> FEED SELF

> Make another Firesign Theatre reference, while entering BAR.

As you walk into the BAR, a couple of FLYING SAUCERS land on your head. They turn out to be SCRAMBLED EGGS, their point of origin somewhere amid the BAR BRAWL taking place at the CENTER OF THE ROOM.

You have acquired x2 SCRAMBLED EGGS.

A CATCHY TUNE is playing on an ANTIQUE GRAMOPHONE. A BUXOM BARTENDER stands behind the BAR. An APPEALING DAME sits at the BAR, nursing a MARTINI. A MAN IN A BLACK TAILCOAT sits at the BAR, nursing a GLASS OF CHIANTI. A BARE LIGHTBULB hangs from the CEILING.

>Give LIQUID COURAGE to GERTRUDE.

You walk back out into the PATH.

You give the LIQUID COURAGE to your equine amigo. GERTRUDE, as it happens, is also an ALCOHOLIC. She approves of your decision wholeheartedly.

>FEED SELF (from SCRAPS OF FOOD)

Moldy bread and rancid pork. But you've had worse. After a struggle of epic, heroic proportions, you manage to swallow the last bite.

>

edited 13th Oct '10 9:07:54 PM by ShadowWarden

> TURN INTO DRAGON and BLOW THIS FUCKA DOWN

> TURN INTO DRAGON and BLOW THIS FUCKA DOWN

Sometimes you do become a dragon. The strongest, mightiest dragon of them all, with glittering golden scales, rows upon rows of nasty, sharp, pointy teeth, and breath capable of melting diamond beneath its onslaught. There were none who could stand against you, not knights nor men nor even other dragons; you ripped them all to shreds and cooked them for mincemeat.

You have some pretty awesome dreams sometimes.

>> CRY in A CORNER about HOW PATHETIC MY LIFE IS

>> CRY in A CORNER about HOW PATHETIC MY LIFE IS

To find a good CORNER, you're going to have to walk back into the BAR.

You do so.

You curl up into the nearest CORNER.

You draw in a big breath.

And then you have your WEEKLY TANTRUM.

You cry so hard that a mere river fails to describe it. You are crafting oceans here. Your sadness is like a deep wellspring of black ink, and right now you are penning a tear-jerking epic with each sniveling, whiny sob.

This is motherfucking art.

The BAR BRAWL stops.

Everyone stares at you in bewilderment.

>

edited 16th Oct '10 10:15:24 AM by ShadowWarden

> Improvise BOAT out of TABLES.

> Improvise BOAT out of TABLES.

You do so, but unfortunately it proves to be useless since the ocean was an over-the-top metaphor rather than reality.

Everyone is still staring at you.

>

> Throw BOAT at PEOPLE

> Run out of BAR

> Throw BOAT at PEOPLE

You have learned the ASUKA LANGLEY SORYUU THROW aggression!

It is SUPER EFFECTIVE!

The PEOPLE in the bar are now in disarray.

The BARTENDER is now enraged, and pulls out a BLUNDERBUSS to shoot at you.

> Run out of BAR

You abscond. You hear the BLUNDERBUSS go off behind you.

>

> CATCH BULLET

> Ride GERTRUDE through HOUSE DOOR

>> CSI MIAMI

> CATCH BULLET

Your GRIT is not high enough for that stunt, and you end up losing two fingers on the way out the door.

It hurts like a sumbitch.

> Ride GERTRUDE through HOUSE DOOR

This requires mounting GERTRUDE.

You do so. You hear the BARTENDER reloading the BLUNDERBUSS.

GERTRUDE makes a SASSY REMARK before riding NORTH at a hasty trot.

She takes down a DOOR through judicious use of her EQUINE GRIT.

> CSI MIAMI

You find yourself inside a small hovel. Inexplicably, the MOB pouring out of the BAR has no idea where you have absconded to.

"ERRANT," GERTRUDE asks you with a suspicious, sidelong glance, "Why do you get into fights wherever you go?"

"Because, GERTRUDE," you reply, slipping a pair of KAMINA SHADES from your pocket, "I set the BAR too high."

You put on the KAMINA SHADES.

YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

You take off the KAMINA SHADES.

You pocket the KAMINA SHADES.

You and GERTRUDE mutually agree never to mention this ever again.

>

edited 17th Oct '10 2:13:34 AM by ShadowWarden

> USE my NAMEK ABILITIES to REGENERATE MY FINGERS