"Entitlement Issues" vs. "Autocracy"

Note: This issue flew around IJBM recently, and I thought it was worth discussing in a more reasonable fashion. I'd appreciate it if everyone would A: read the whole thing and B: try to think before responding. This is something that actually affects this community and should be worked out.

As I see it, the arguments regarding forum rights versus forum responsibilities sound awfully familiar to the ones I used to defuse as a LARP storyteller. This forum has some pretty strict rules regarding what can and cannot be said; that is what makes it a good place to hang out. Unfortunately, such also seems to breed hard feelings.

It's common. And it's regrettable.

Now, I'm pretty new to forums in general and TV Tropes in particular. But I've been a part of volunteer not-for-profit organizations (LARP, Boffer combat groups, the SCA, various sci-fi convention societies, Civil War re-enactors, etc.) as both a participant and a coordinator for about 20 years; one finds the same argument there as here.

It boils down to this; the creators and coordinators feel that the complaining is done by a bunch of lazy ungrateful jerks who don't appreciate the work they do (usually unpaid volunteer work). The complainers feel they have legitimate gripes that are being ignored/marginalized. Those who support the staff cry "Entitlement Issues!" Those who support the complainers cry "It's not fair!"

And both would be right, sort of.

Having been on both sides, I have a few suggestions; Take them as you will but please please please don't assume that because I'm making them I'm insinuating that anyone in particular is not doing these things.

-To the users..

1: Be respectful. It might be difficult but try to remember that the mods you're bitching about are overworked, unpaid and usually doing their best in a shitty situation. They are trying to make everyone happy because that's their job, and unfortunately we all know how well that usually works out. With that in mind, take a deep breath and think about how your complaint might be voiced in a neutral way.

2: Having fun? Say so. It's a truism in volunteer organizations that "Silence means perfection". I think that's terrible; working your ass off for no pay with only a lack of problems as reward burns a person out faster than a blow habit. If nothing's wrong, point it out. Say how awesome a job the mods are doing. It's not ass-kissing; it's honest appreciation, and having been in their shoes I can tell you they could probably use a bit more of it.

3: Don't assume you're being targeted without a good reason. I really doubt that any of the mods here truly "have it in" for any of us users. (If they did, we wouldn't be here). Assume they had a good reason to do what they did; if you don't understand, ask them why something happened. Your thread get zapped? Your friend get banned? Ask the reason, instead of complaining first. You might be surprised at the result, and who knows...they might be willing to work with you a little.

4: truly unhappy? Vote with your feet. This one's a no-brainer; if you are really miserable, and everything sucks for you here (and you've tried without success to effect change), stop coming. A particular thread/section keep pissing you off? don't read it. You'll be less stressed and the people there will be better off without you.

For the Mods (and those who support them):

1: Have patience. Participants don't see most of the work you do, and it's an easy thing to forget. Also, people might be newer than you think, or have less of an understanding of the local etiquette than they should. Try explaining things in a private setting before publicly dressing them down or banning them. I'd imagine it's easy to get ban-happy on a forum (Lord knows I did in my LARP for a while; I took it as a sign it was time to quit), but not everyone who says something dumb is a raging douche-twat. Sometimes they really didn't know better.

2: Know when to stay home. If you just got fired, dumped and you're late on the rent, it might not be the best time to be policing a forum. (Sounds obvious, but like many obvious-when-mentioned things its also easily forgotten). If it's a bad day, the forums will keep. An absent mod is much better than an I'm-about-to-snap-and-kill-everyone mod.

3: lead by example. Want people to conform to a certain standard? conform to a higher one. Yours is the greater privilege, so it follows that yours is the greater responsibility. If people see an authority figure doing something, they will assume the same kind of behavior is acceptable for them. Short form; you have to be an angel. It sucks, but the alternative is worse.

Aside: Bobby G is exemplary at this. Better than anyone I've ever worked/interacted with. You have the patience of a saint sir, I don't know how you do it.

And, for everyone...

think before lashing out. Tempers flare on occasion, especially during arguments on touchy subjects. The temptation to get snarky, insulting or sarcastic is always present (Not perfect about this myself, I'll say it before anyone else does) but should not be given in to. Like as not, you'll just get more of the same right back in the teeth.

Screw up? Say so, and apologize. And do it quickly. As Harry Truman once said, "If you have to eat crow, eat it while its hot." I'd venture to say that 90% of flame wars are started out of a combination of 5 parts misunderstanding to 3 parts misplaced anger. It isn't hard to apologize at the beginning of an argument; it gets a shitload more difficult at the end.

Anyhow, this post has gotten long enough. I sense a lot of TL:D Rs in this thread's future. /shrug

tl:dr: When it comes to mods vs. users, we're all part of the problem; let's try to be a part of the solution instead. We can be pissed, or we can fix stuff. Which sounds better to you?

Mods: feel free to preemptively zap this if it's out of line. It seems reasonable to me, but well...lots of things do.

Cheers!

The Drunk Scriblerian

Also, people might be newer than you think, or have less of an understanding of the local etiquette than they should. Try explaining things in a private setting before publicly dressing them down or banning them. I'd imagine it's easy to get ban-happy on a forum (Lord knows I did in my LARP for a while; I took it as a sign it was time to quit), but not everyone who says something dumb is a raging douche-twat. Sometimes they really didn't know better.

As far as I've seen mods are pretty good about this, I would guess they lean in the too relaxed direction, actually. We have had "regulars" who were breaking the rules, and it took a while before they got booted out. People complained about this. I'm pretty neutral on this issue, but "ban-happy" would be the last word I'd think of to describe the mods.

If by "private setting" you mean PM, I suspect they already do use that option a lot (you just don't see it because, well, it's PRIVATE). I don't ever recall a mod being very harsh on a newbie out in the open, the only instances I've seen it has been against repeat offenders, people who were clearly looking for a fight, or when the thread has generally gone to shit, and in the latter case it's more of calling everyone out and not just one person.

Other than that, nice post.

It was more of a general statement regarding ethical management behavior, not one based off anything negative I've observed here. I've seen people get banned, but from what I've seen said individuals...kinda had it coming. I totally agree that the mods here have their shit together.

And thanks.

Sounds good to me.

I like how you hold up Bobby for behavioral standards. I love you man please don't ban me