It’s that time of year again. I’ll start with a typical letter to the big guy, and the next poster writes Santa’s response. Then they write the next letter, and so on. Let’s begin:

Dear Santa;

For Christmas this year, I want a BB gun and a basket of kittens.

Sincerely, Billy

You have just enough energy to climb this hill, but not enough energy to go on or look for someplace else to camp.

Dear Billy;

Here you go! Please don't shoot the kittens.

Sincerely, Santa.

---

Dear Santa;

For Christmas, I want a Playstation 5.

Sincerely, Jake.

Dear Jake,

Here you go! (Laughs), glad you didn’t ask for a PlayStation 6. I can give you what you want, but I can’t time travel!

Dear Santa,

I want a PlayStation 6.

Sincerely,

Donovan.

Edited by DookieIdiotNimrod on Dec 2nd 2020 at 5:23:19 AM

UGH

Dear Donovan...

There is no such thing as a Play Station 6!

That's all just a myth...

Dear Santa...

I really DESPARATELY want a Nintendo Switch.

Edited by AutisticAlivia on Dec 2nd 2020 at 5:24:29 AM

I can't think of a good signature.

Dear Alivia,

Have a lightswitch with the nintendo logo on it!

Love, Santa.

—

Dear Santa,

I’d rather not be disappointed by a present, so instead this Christmas I want $500.

Love, Sync

Dear Sync,

I'm sorry to say, that this year I did not give you 500 dollars.

Instead, I got you 600 dollars.

---

Dear Santa,

I just want to be loved.

-Mad

Kumatora needs to be appreciated more. Appreciate her.

Dear Mad,

I'd say I love you, but I hardly know you. So just imagine that I love you, just like you probably do with your parents.

---

Dear Santa,

This year I want a butt-load of useless Star Wars merch.

Love,

Lindo

My favorite sci fi enemies are the giant sexy depressed women

Dear Lindo

I brought you all of the Star Wars merchandise.

Oh and i almost forgot, a special visit from Mark Hamill himself!

Dear Santa

I want my very own personal Fixer.

-Tzaoray

look at this mom i have a normal signature are you proud of me now mom?

Dear Tzaoray,

I sent you one of my elves to be a fixer for you. He's wanted to be an assistant for a while now. Take good care of him and feed him two candy canes in the morning and two at night.

-Santa

---

Dear Santa,

I want people to stop playing that stupid "Santa Baby" song. Anything but that one.

-Mad

Kumatora needs to be appreciated more. Appreciate her.

Dear Madface,

No.

—Santa

---

Dear Santa,

I just want a PayPal account, because it’s the one thing my parents wouldn’t let me have.

—Guma.

Dear Guma,

What are you even going to use it for? No.

Santa.

---

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is to see those scalpers get what they fucking deserve!

- Timmy

Dear Timmy:

I gave the scalpers some rare games, which they will sell. They have received what they deserved.

---

Dear Santa:

I want the nuclear football and the launch codes, so I can intimidate the world into a state of negative peace.

-Taylor

Dear Taylor: ...Uh, sorry, I don’t have nuclear footballs. You’ll have to make do with a normal American football.

~ Santa

---

Dear Santa: stop giving me potted plants for Christmas. it stopped being funny two years ago.

~ Cutbug

A plague has consumed the town, summoning Pestilence, Horseman of the Apocalypse!

Dear Cutbug:

OK! How does getting potted mushrooms sound instead? Ho ho ho ho ho!

~Santa

---

Dear Santa:

I want the ability to get every single piece of DLC in a game for free, so I only have to worry about buying the game.

~Goose

Dear Goose;

I’d have to violate multiple anti-hacking laws to do that, and I can’t go back to prison. Sorry.

Dear Santa;

I wanna decide who lives and who dies.

Crow T. Robot

You have just enough energy to climb this hill, but not enough energy to go on or look for someplace else to camp.