Murder the Maniac

Update V (5) - Illegal Alienation!

   당신이 정말로 당신의 오락을 위해이 문장들을 번역하는 것보다 지루합니까? 서투른.   

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What the hell is a Castle Calamity? What is a Rantaro? What the living hell is a "shot put ball"? I legitimately do not know the meanings of anything you just said, ergo, the vagueness of your post destroys it from the inside out. Shush, I'm the one in charge here. Besides, you can't just harm Kim Jong Un with regular attacks. Don't you see his HP? It's in Korean. That means it's special.

You call for angry Mexicans to attack Kim Jong Un, but they just sorta line up in front of you. Holding their sombreros out, they ask for your soul in return for their service. Cheeky little bastards.

The entire god damn moon falls on the Maniac, crushing him. He manages to slice it in half with his knife-hand, kicking it, and sending half of the moon back into space. However, the other half still falls on him, crushing his other hand completely! 2 damage. Obviously, at this point, he's completely pissed, and he can't even make it a minion because it's so badly mangled! "Woe is me!" he yells, nay, shouts out as loud as he can. "Life is so unfair, and all I wanted was to murder a bunch of kids. Is this what society is? Is this what the Patriarchy wants?"

...I honestly don't even know how I can argue with that. Fine, you win. However, it seems that instead of dealing regular damage to Kim Jong Un, since he does have Korean HP, you instead retrieve one soul of the innocent. You can either choose to consume the soul yourself and gain some unholy sort of benefit for having two souls or give the soul to either alphaChi or Dungkaka 1801 as compensation for their lost one. Of course, I'll silently judge you if you choose either option, because sometimes selflessness isn't a good thing either. Note that this is a completely unrelated - yet perfectly compatible - soul, meaning that the soul counter doesn't tick down.

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No reaped souls this turn! Too bad, so sad. You did manage to, surprisingly, harm the Maniac again this turn. Obviously, have a reward! It's around here somewhere... uhmm.... here!

The only thing the Maniac can do at this point is attempt to seek out some glue, you know, to glue his chopped off his chopped left arm into his right stub. Definitely a good idea, will definitely end well. "Hey, Kimmy J? Got any god damn fucking glue I can use to god damn glue my hand back in?" he yells out, stepping in KJU's general direction. The latter, looking at him, eyes glowing, screeches something like "   그 완곡어법 인가요? 내 아이들을 원해? 내가 원하는 걸 줄 수있어, 큰 소년.   " "Well, that's just too bad." the Maniac yells out again, trying to figure out how he can get any glue.

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Sentient Hand: 32/57 HP. Actually, I changed my mind, I wanna live pls.

Kim Jong Un: 네가 날 원하는 걸 알아/그래서 와서 잡아 HP. oppa gangbang style.

The Maniac: 146/150 HP. Riding on Kim Jong Un! Knife-handed and no-handed, also the reaper of souls or some shit.

edited 20th Jun '18 7:08:24 AM by TrickleJest

   Murder the Maniac, or the Maniac murders you.   

Check pockets for something to use.

" I'm the princess! Everyone has to do what I say!"

Well, since the GM doesn't even get Internet Humor or Danganronpa V 3 References, I'll just play Gangnam Style on a giant speaker. Fight Korea with Korea.

edited 12th Dec '17 7:35:52 AM by chianticat10

“How long has it been? 23 days?”

my soul was stolen?! wth, how did that happen, i didn't even have one to begin with! Is this even possible? welp... anyway, i now somehow have a soul debt, knowing the maniac, he'll probably charge insane interest too... well, i guess i have to    collect    some. i summon my scythe, which has the sharpest edges you'll ever see, and Reap the hand, hopefully collecting both souls in the plot machine, along side the little piece of the maniac's soul placed deep inside the hand.

edited 12th Dec '17 10:00:08 AM by alphaChi

My, my — the Maniac's actually a godmodder! The Godmodder? Whatever. This revelation causes the Maniac to reveal his true godmodding colours, because obscure internet terminology is definitely a colour.

In the same boat as ALPHA-CHI, really. Didn't expect to have a soul, but apparently I do??? Maybe all of my boys and the poor suckers I made deals with have souls too??? The Maniac can keep it for now.

edited 12th Dec '17 1:18:38 PM by dungkaka1801

Knowing that the GM doesn’t understand internet humor or danganronpa references, I use that to my advantage, bombarding Kim Jong Un with the spiciest of memes and all of the danganronpa killers. Suddenly, due to Danganronpa being mentioned, Beverly (the troper) goes on a rampage and uses her fetishes on Kim. The first few things aren’t so bad, as Kim is simply turned into a smol anthro bunny, but then Bev vores Kim. He plunges into some stomach acid. Considering that stomach acid is strong enough to corrode steel, Kim is dead a million times over. Then a ton of South Koreans boogie on his skeletal bunnylike remains.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

I pull out a finger gun and then i run at supersonic speeds and punch them all rapidly

Progress has it's stepping stones.

Update VI (6) - Camp Maniac, the Best-est Camp of All!

   태연 티저 보드 티파니 가짜. 루미 루미 냄비 하하. 이 텍스트는 한국어 인 것처럼 보이지만 실제로는 횡설수설합니다.   

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Your pockets contain... a lot of things! Just pull something out. You can't get anything if you just depend on chance.

By throwing potshots at the GM, you're technically throwing them at the Gruesome Maniac, who is, as you know, the Maniac. He comes up to you and slaps your attack out of your hands, sending it flying to fuck knows where at hyperspeed

"pls no burns" "im still recovering from that time i had a rap battle with snoop dogg" "im very sensitive okay"

He then proceeds to slam you over the head with a frying pan.

"I didn't even have one to begin with"? Oh? Are you implying you started off at zero souls instead of one? Wonderful! This is extremely pleasant news to the Maniac, because it means "You, buddy, have a soul debt!". This means that your soul counter is at -1 souls, meaning that you will now be temporarily recruited to the Maniac's side and forced to do his bidding. Orders will be given out when the Maniac acts. But hey, don't get bummed out, you still dealt... uh, 5 damage to the hand! That's something, right?

You are in the same boat as alphaChi, because both of you are now temporary slaves to the Maniac, or basically interns. Your soul counter rests at -1 souls, which is pretty sad, to be honest. "Fuck, I swear that was a mistake, I'm definitely not the Godmodder- Or, shit, that makes me sound like I am the Godmodder- I honestly just give up." Fortunately, the Maniac isn't the Godmodder, or I don't think he is...?

The Maniac looks at your post, slowly shaking his head, before he comes up to you and slaps you across the face, really hard, ten times. "Pal, I've done some fucked up things in my life, but nothing beats your post." he yells out in his horribly raspy voice, before bonking you over the head with a frying pan, opening his mouth as wide as possible and sucking out your soul. Without making any contact with your body. Or your mouth. Or anything related to you. Just in case. You never know with kids nowadays. Anyway, this now means your soul counter rests at zero souls! Not as bad as the scrubs above you, but not good either. Try not to get your soul sucked out next time, please.

Souls collected: 3.

See, your posts I like. They're pure, they're actual attacks. Consider yourself safe from any potential soul-sucking. The Hand, which is pretty much the only entity that can be normally damaged as of now, takes 20 damage from your finger gun attack! I don't really know how you can pull out a finger gun, and then also punch them with said finger gun, but hey, I'm not complaining.

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"Welcome to Camp Maniac, motherfuckers!" he yells out. Suddenly, alphaChi and Dungkaka 1801 begin choking on thin air, before their coughing and motionless bodies are magically dragged to the Maniac. "I'm sure I could restrain you for good now that you lack souls, but I'm more in favor of fun times than practical methods. And what's more fun that summer camp?" he says, quieter this time, raising one finger up. The bodies of the two interns/campers are dragged up, hanging in the air, akin to a force-choke. He clicks his fingers, and a red cap saying MAGA ("It stands for Maniacs Are Giant Assholes, I swear!") appears on their heads. "Off to work now, both of you, I will not have anyone slacking off in my camp!!" he yells, before warping a chair in front of him and just sitting on it. You don't exactly know what you have to do, though. Did he... really forget to give you your quest? For some reason, you can't bring yourself to actually ask him. Looks like you're just going to have to see what you can do to please him, and maybe he'll give you your soul back. (Note - you can't do anything before the "sidequest" is done, or rather, you can't attack. You're gonna have to cooperate if you wanna get out of this quickly and without any problems. Be curious - except asking the Maniac, that's forbidden).

The PLOT MACHINE™ rumbles with Talesof Under's soul. Three souls in total! Current soul outliers: Talesof Under (0), alphaChi (-1), Dungkaka 1801 (-1).

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Sentient Hand: 12/57 HP. Actually, I changed my mind, I wanna live pls.

Kim Jong Un: 네가 날 원하는 걸 알아/그래서 와서 잡아 HP. oppa gangbang style.

The Maniac: 146/150 HP. Riding on Kim Jong Un! Knife-handed and no-handed, also the reaper of souls or some shit.

edited 20th Jun '18 7:10:32 AM by TrickleJest

   Murder the Maniac, or the Maniac murders you.   

Use a Super Star, become invincible and run into them all

shouldn't his favorite genre be RPG and not point and click though

I kick the maniac in the crotch.

edited 13th Dec '17 10:22:33 AM by chianticat10

“How long has it been? 23 days?”

ooooooooooo boi, i get to collaborate with the enemy! i always wanted to do this! anyway, now that i'm hopefully safe from the enemy team i better start making friends! i walk over to kim jong uno, and tell him he's my #1, i then ask him whether he's got an idk, a covenant perhaps, that i could sign.

Attempt to godmod so that the maniac kills himself

Huzzah

I break the soul counter, get my soul, then bludgeon the maniac with a huge freaking hammer that says "so you're saying that creativity is a bad idea? I will freaking murder you with a huge freaking hammer that has this message on it."

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

I decide that, if i have to be evil, i'll damn well profit from it, and the only thing i want is revenge. The hand is mine, i'll protect it with my life, until I get to eviscerate it.

I call Pizza Hutt and pay them to deliver me a pizza and rapidly run the maniac over!

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Pull out a a flying ice cream truck from my pockets

" I'm the princess! Everyone has to do what I say!"

Update VII (7) - Jake from Pizza Hutt?

Apparently, Jake is so important that he gets his own color, out of the very limited selection that this website has to offer. I mean, alright, I like this place, but is it that hard to actually introduce hex codes? Come on! It's 2018! Or... is it 2017...? I'm too lazy to actually check the date, and I'm writing this in 2018, so it's 2018 for all I care.

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A Super Star might make you invincible, but it doesn't make you one-shot things, does it? I mean, it might seem that way, but compared to the entities here, the Mario enemies are pretty weak. Which is to say, you bump into the Maniac, who just sorta shrugs while you try to hit him. I mean, he can't do proper damage to you regardless, not like he cares.

Number one rule of being a big bad - always have crotch protection. "Sorry, pal, but I've got more protection on my private parts than you have on every account of every website you've ever signed into." the Maniac laughed, and then "accidentally" pulled out a laptop and "accidentally" slammed his hands on his keyboard. "Whoops, looks like I accidentally hacked into every account of every website you've ever signed into." he laughs yet again, and you quickly run to check his laptop, stuffing your face into it as quickly as possible out of nervousness. "Haha, gullible!" the Maniac yells out, slamming the laptop down, your face still stuck in it, in a Mickey Mouse-ey cartoonish sorta way. You know what I mean.

You come up to Kim Jong Un, who greets you and gives you the special premium selection of covenants. Obviously, anyone who isn't aligned with the Maniac (at least for some time) doesn't get to actually strike a normal deal with KJU. "   당신은 가치가 없습니다. 그러나 나는 예외를 만들 것이다. 나중에 나랑 자면.   " he screeches, giving you the    ETERNAL COVENANT   . Keep in mind this still takes your soul, so it puts you at -2 debt, but it might help you regain both in the long run. Who knows?

You godmod the Maniac, making him kill himself! Far, far away, some godmodder (completely unrelated to any godmodder you've eve heard of), gets pretty pissed that someone is godmodding without even being a godmodder. This completely unrelated godmodder thus declares that he "hates himself and loves the Godmodder", thus summoning the real Godmodder. The real Godmodder then declares that he "hates you and loves himself", sending these very cursed words on a piece of paper halfway through the universe. Just before you try and godmod the Maniac, the paper lands on your head and knocks you out.

Just kidding, none of that happened, you just fail because you can't godmod.

The Maniac starts dancing, just a little tap dance. This game is now officially a musical, and what musical is complete without songs?

" Listen, kid, and listen good. Have I got a song for you! Come on, sing along, or your death will come too soon! I don't wanna be derogative, but..."

"FETISHISM ISN'T CREATIVE."

He then takes the hammer out of your hands, makes it even more huge, and slams you into the ground with it.

Alright then, I'm not arguing. But to actually protect it, you're gonna have to do a little more than just saying it.

You call Pizza Hutt, to order a pizza, obviously. "Hello? Who is this?" someone answers, in a completely dull and mundane voice. After the Maniac's horrible and unpleasant vocals, hearing a normal person feels odd. You ask him if this is Pizza Hutt, just to make sure. "Pizza Hutt? This isn't Pizza Hutt. How can the entire restaurant chain answer a phone? This is Jake. Jake from Pizza Hutt." he responds, his voice morphing from dull to pretentious and annoyed. Or maybe it didn't morph, and you just think it did, because this fucker might be even worse than the god damn Maniac. You ask him, "Jake from Pizza Hutt", for a pizza, a pepperoni pizza, the best pizza. "We don't have pizza." he slowly says to you, as if he has had this conversation a billion times prior. No pizza? In Pizza Hutt? Is this guy actually an employee? "It's called cheesebread. Because it's cheese on bread. With pepperonis. Not "pizza". I keep having to explain this to everyone." he mumbles, then muttering something under his breath, slightly faster that last time. Okay. This guy is insane. You throw the phone away and light it on fire. Hopefully this idiot never shows up again, and hopefully this conversation meant absolutely nothing.

You now have a perfectly functional ice cream truck in your hands! Thing is, what are you gonna do with it?

---

No event this turn, but you bet your butt something is coming up tomorrow morning. Which is to say, 12 hours or so.

Three souls in total! Current soul outliers: Tales of Under (0), alphaChi (-1), Dungkaka 1801 (-1).

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Sentient Hand: 12/57 HP. Actually, I changed my mind, I wanna live pls. Also, I'm protected, yippeeee!

Kim Jong Un: 네가 날 원하는 걸 알아/그래서 와서 잡아 HP. oppa gangbang style.

The Maniac: 146/150 HP. Riding on Kim Jong Un! Knife-handed and no-handed, also the reaper of souls or some shit.

edited 20th Jun '18 7:12:28 AM by TrickleJest

   Murder the Maniac, or the Maniac murders you.   

I declare AC my special b r o. We're in this together, aren't we? I then call my other set of bros, my boys in the Cabinet. With them boys and my sorta-people, I make ripoff games for Project Monarch. Mainly, it's just my Gang of Four.

I connect to one of the Gang of Four, the Maestro. He's the person who provides us with our doses of smugness and pseudo-intellectualism — a deadly concoction capable of neutralising even the most maniacal of malefactors. We talk, and a few minutes later, he lends me one of his OCs.

Sapphos: ???/??? HP.

"I can't describe her to you! I deal in the indescribable."

This, uh, Sapphos-looking girl, poisons all of n3rd_d4sh's food.

   네가 나를 만지면 나는 너의 거시기를자를거야, 너는 소아 성 애자 야. 내가 너를 해칠 수 없기 때문에 너는 운이 좋다. 언약을 줘, 내가 바로 그 자리에서 널 죽이지 않을거야!   

I take the covenant and sign it. i feel the power coursing through my veins, giving me a new awareness of the battlefield... maybe. anyways... Yes dungkaka, my peculiar b r o t h e r , we are in this together! with this revelation i actually some random shield to protect the hand. what do you mean those to things don't have anything to do with eachother? Nobody even asked you silent disembodied voice!

Knowing the time for action is now, I fly into the air and in a spectacle of fire I transform into my true form!

I am vjoi, and I am a Charzard!

edited 14th Dec '17 12:59:20 PM by vjoi

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

bump

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Summon a large sentient foot, hopefully this one is more villainous then the hand, and ask it to stomp the maniac

Huzzah

I use the truck to smash the murderer like a tiny bug.

" I'm the princess! Everyone has to do what I say!"

I get a Death Note and ask the Maniac his name.

Just made a server on discord.Come join me.

I punch the maniac and the Hand

Progress has it's stepping stones.