(Trigger Warning) help with developed of character that was almost raped

Well, I don't know really how to ask this, but I really need a little of feedback in here. I need some advices about how to show this delicate subject, I really don't know very much how this forum works or how I can make questions like this since I'm very new here, so sorry if I do something wrong.

About my question (long story short) I'm still not sure if I'll put this in one of my stories, since I had read on other sites that if someone want to put this certain subject in an original story it should be with a good justification so it will be a relevant part of the plot instead of just a cheap tactic for shock factor and such (thing that I'm agree with). Believe me, If I put it in my story it will be an important part instead of just pure shock factor, so... the thing is, this female character of mine, wasn't "fully raped" but it was very close to happen. I had read that rape (or almost rape) have a very huge variety of reactions, 2 of them are that the person can react with promiscuity or avoidance, well I more or less understand more about the avoidance reaction since I had another character that was almost raped too but her reaction was to become distant. I know that the reaction of promiscuity and the need of recreating/reenacting that experience as a coping mechanism is a common reaction and we shouldn't judge that people, and I don't judge them. Just that I don't know exactly how to develop a character that had that kind of reaction, what can I do exactly to avoid misunderstanding and showing misconception?

For example, I won't show how happened, but I want to focus in the emotional part and personal growth she will have alongside the story. Some things that I'm not sure If I fully understood while reading some articles about the promiscuity reaction, so please tell me if I misunderstood something. It is correct that she likes to wear sexy/skimpy clothes or something? or acting very flirty because of the sex losing the value it should have?

What could be the best way to show it in a respectful way? thanks for your help.

If you want to portray the victim melting in shame or self destruction, that's easy to find. Google "rape account" and you'll be inundated.

If you want a frank and thoughtful account, I've really only seen one.

https://bengarrido.com/excerpt-from-brief-interviews-with-hideous-men-by-david-foster-wallace/

If you're afraid of the topic, and you pretty obviously are, why not find something else?

edited 11th Dec '16 9:54:37 PM by garridob

garridob, thank you so much for the link, it is really powerful and deep the things I read in it, I really didn't have any idea about it, I really didn't have any idea about it, and there so much ignorance and stereotypes about what should or shouldn't do a victim, and how their reactions and behavior should or shouldn't be. It was really interesting to read this article, because it really help others to understand a little bit more about this particular subject, more because it helps understand the reality about other people, because the truth is people "judge" but not because they want t be mean, is because they just don't know and are ignorants about this. Even myself, by my own ignorance I had have this confusion about what to thing about persons that have gone through this horrible experience but didn't have the "expected reactions" so I didn't knew exactly what to think about it.

and you are right, I'm afraid of this topic, specially because I don't want that that happens to me, but I'm afraid too because I don't know really about it. So thank you for the information, because it won't only help me decide what to do with my story, but it surely helped me to understand a little more about how people that had gone through that could feel and could react and that just there's no "wrong reaction" because all reactions are valid reactions, and that is a very good thing document myself this way so I could be more comprehensive in a more real and helpful way. Again thank you for the information :)

While I have not had any ... incidents of this kind, nor even anything close (or at least I think I have not had anything close and I hope to be right), due to what I presume to be a variety of reasons, I can say one very important thing:

Rape itself is not about "losing purity" or "oh, sexual stuff". It is about power, and about lack of power. It is about helplessness.

Not being able to defend oneself from the attacker? Helplessness. The body starting to feel pleasure even though the mind is repulsed, and not being able to control that? Helplessness. Not being able to get understanding or support from others because they assume that it must have been the victim's fault or because they shame the person for talking about a sex-related topic? Once again helplessness.

It does not have to be actual rape to make people feel helpless, no; likewise there are other things that can make someone feel helpless for prolonged periods of time and the effect can be similar (bullying is an excellent, though obviously repulsive, example). The thing is that this is the one thing stacked so heavily against the one affected by it, due to the nonsensical preconceptions of the populace in most places on Earth, due to often even women shaming other women for showing any signs of wanting to talk or listen or think about anything related to sex, due to this being the one thing where our bodies can so clearly betray us. Often enough it is something with which one cannot get any good-willed help

Conversely, how exactly one deals with being raped, or even with an attempt, depends on how they deal with feeling helpless, heavily and possibly for prolonged periods of time. Imagine your person dealing with a problem with which nobody wants to help her, despite their ability to do so, for [insert whatever random reason] and they continue to berate or shame her for not having done it yet, while attempt after attempt after attempt goes bad and leaves her feeling not very useful at dealing with it. If you can draw a realistic response of your character dealing with that, then you have something that's very close to how your character would react to rape or an attempt.

Kazeto, thanks for your reply, and thanks for reminding me that is not matter of "purity" but of "power/control", having that perspective it will have a more interesting develop, is a very important point to remember.

And talking about others that can help her but don't do it for whatever reason, it can have the same impact if let's said some people that are the closest to her DO want to help but they just don't know how, since they don't understand what she went through and the impact that had in her?

Could have, depending on the person.

For one, some people, when stressed out (and a situation in which they feel helpless can count as such), feel helpless—more so in this particular case—when presented with an attempt at help that does nothing or close to it because they are looking at the results; other people, though, take a look at the intent and the fact that the help actually is "well-meant" and that helps them because they feel supported. I could use myself as an example here, but I am/was broken in so many other ways that I'd probably just colour the comparison in some silly melange of colours so instead I'll just write that this is something that again can be extrapolated from how the person handles stress of various kinds over various periods of time.

For two, on the other hand, it also depends on the person's character when it comes to human-to-human interactions and on their past experiences with other people. If they'd had to deal with people who'd said they were helping and yet simply did their own thing under the guise of "helping" (you know, help that is not "well-meant") and the result was ... bad, then they might feel disinclined to accept a misguided but genuine attempt to help as what it actually means and the fact that they should not reject help but are unsure whether it is actual help will stress them out. That's what is usually happening when someone lashes out after an attempt to help them, and those cases are, in a way, very sad; I'd even say "tragic", but let's just say that there is a certain kind of acknowledgment in the use of this word and so I will not say it (I mean, well, I did, but ... well, let's just pretend I didn't, that makes me feel better).

And then there is three, the way the person trying to help chose to do it matters, as well as the expectations of the person being helped. Some people want emotional warmth in some shape or form, others want a reassuring talk, others to keep themselves busy with a new thing or with an old thing, and so on, and so on. And if the form of help that is chosen is too different from what is expected, that too can be a cause of more stress which indeed can amplify the feeling of helplessness for some people; though, obviously, if something like that happens then the person trying to help generally does notice and try to change what they are doing, unless they either are inept enough at it not to notice or so convinced that they have to be right that they ignore the signs. Additionally, some sources of trauma indeed can make it hard for people to accept certain kinds of help, and contrary to the popular preconception it does not mean that someone raped or close to it will always automatically shy away from physical contact. It can mean that they will, but it could also mean that they will not want to hear reassurances and instead will want a hug even if they normally wouldn't, or it could mean that they will close themselves off because of their own emotions and will try to ignore any and all attempts to get to them until one breaks through that shell.

So, in the end, it really depends on the person and on a few other variables, but most of all, yes, on the person. So we once again get to the point of imagining the character in situations that give them the feeling of helplessness of a given kind and extrapolating from that. In fact, I recommend writing a scene for every significant for the story trait of a character, a scene that no reader will actually see and that will be there just for the sake of you having it; I'd found that doing this helps with keeping the characters consistent because you can compare the characters as they are to how you'd envisioned them and with that it's simple to look at what happened and imagine whether or not it could have changed them in such a way.

PS. If it helps you in any way, I will let myself be courageous for a moment and add that quite some of this comes from having to put myself back from small pieces at a fairly young age, and later having the time to see and analyse why it went through the way it had. It is a ... story so please do not delve in unless you do actually need it for what you are writing; if you happen to need it, though, well ... I will not run away, and let's leave it at that.

edited 12th Dec '16 5:12:24 PM by Kazeto

Thank you for all the information you gave me here, it really helps me thinking not only in this particular character of mine, but in much more stuff about other characters and stories of mine. As you said I should try a little of free-writing so that way I can have some things more clear and solid, that surely can help me see the actual "stages" of the story, and make the structure better.

PS: and don't worry, if you are not comfortable enough for that, no pressures. you helped me so much with the information you said to me in here :)