Adventures in Internetlandia

>Get in line

You get into line, behind a woman attempting to quiet her crying baby. There are a few other lines, all equally long as this one. You are quickly not the end of the line anymore, as several people line up behind you.

> Make small talk.

You attempt to talk with the man behind you. You say "So hey, the—" but you are cut off.

He asks threateningly "Whadda you want?" You decide to stop talking, and just wait for the line to move forward.

edited 2nd Jan '16 11:55:48 PM by SmartGirl333

> Make a rude gesture at the back of his head.

> Make a rude gesture at the back of his head.

The guy is behind you, not in front, and you have a feeling that wouldn't be a wise move anyway.

You finally reach the front of the line.

>step up to the counter.

AN: Sorry for not updating, I was occupied with school. I'll actually start the real adventure in the next few updates.

>step up to the counter.

You step up to the counter, after what felt like more than a month. You say to the woman behind the counter, who appears to be admiring a novelty mirror, "I just, um, Arrived here and I need a Contact Address".

She replies "Okay, what's your name, and what do ya wanna be called on this?"

You say "Um, I'm Jeffery Marks and I'd like m-my username to be supertrain." Supertrain has been the username you've used for everything since you were 8 and you're not going to break that trend now that you're in an alternate... dimension... thing.

"'Kay, whadda ya want ya password to be? Ya can write it down if ya don't want erryone ta hear."

You write down your password.

"A'right, yer done! Want a Mobile Mirror so this thing actually has some use? Only 100 gold!"

"I— I don't have that much."

"'Kay. See ya! Search's in the next room!"

You walk away from the counter. You walk into the search room, and you ask one of those wizards to warp you back; he does, and you are now back in the Facebook city. The enthusiastic guard is waiting patiently for you. "OK, now you can sign up! Here's the form!" He gives the form to you.

You fill it out. You present the form to the guard. He says "Congratulations, you are now a member of Facebook! Do what you like! Here's a map of this city!"

He hands you a map of the Facebook city you're in.

AN: No, I have no idea what the woman's accent is supposed to be either.

edited 17th Feb '16 7:15:36 PM by SmartGirl333

> Examine map.

> Search for stuff that will help me make bombs.

> Search for stuff where I can get electronics or similar equipment.

> Determine the locations of any train stations.

> Search for stores that will help me find black ninja suits.

>Look for a job.

>Examine map

>Look for food

> Examine map.

You examine the map. It is complex and intricate, covering the whole city. There is a large building labeled "warp", you figure it must be the building you are currently in. Near the warp, there are shops, houses, and a tavern.

> Search for stuff that will help me make bombs.

You don't know how to make bombs. Those supplies probably wouldn't be found in this friendly Facebook city anyway, you would hypothetically probably have more success in, say, 4chan.

> Search for stuff where I can get electronics or similar equipment.

Things like that would be an extreme case of Schizo Tech. That woman behind the Gmail counter mentioned a "mobile mirror", that's probably the equivalent of a cell phone here.

> Search for stores that will help me find black ninja suits.

One of the shops is a clothing store. You decide to give this ridiculous attempt to derail a shot (rather than just mentally snarking about it as with the previous ones) and enter it. There are racks of various fantasy-looking clothes and armour. No "black ninja suits". Besides, you once read on TV Tropes that those were actually made for use in theater to mimic stagehand outfits, and only work in fiction because of Willing Suspension of Disbelief. You have no gold anyway, so you decide to leave without even trying.

> Determine the locations of any train stations.

You don't think trains are a method of transport here, they probably just use those warp centers.

>Look for a job.

Maybe the tavern is hiring. You enter the tavern. There are many people inside, talking and drinking. You walk along, when suddenly a man lunges at you with a knife! You jump back towards the wall and yell out of instinct.

He misses you, hitting the wall instead... hey, is that the guy from the post office?

"Heh, you really are a Newcomer. Anyone who knew anything woulda insulted my mother instead of just jumping back."

You make a confused expression. "Insulted your mother?"

"Yeah, only a Newcomer wouldn't know about Insult Damage." He pulls his knife out of the wall and yells towards the bartender, "Sorry, Mack. Put the damages on my tab." The bartender nods and writes something down.

He turns back to you, puts the knife back in his belt, and says "Look, someone's gotta teach you how stuff works around here, else you won't survive a day. Name's Reed, what's yours?" He offers his hand for a handshake.

"I... I'm Jeff." You accept the handshake.

You remember your original intent for entering the tavern. "Is there any chance I could get a job around here? I need gold to buy pretty much anything."

"Well sure, if ya want, but ya don't have to. I'll help ya get off the ground." He hands you a small bag.

You got 50G!

edited 17th Feb '16 11:26:20 PM by SmartGirl333

> "So, what sort of tasks would you require of me?"

> Listen to what he has to say.

> Leave Tavern.

> Leave Facebook City.

> Kneel down and pray.

> Try to find 4chan.

> Look to see if they have black body suits and/or bomb-making equipment. Also attempt to find places where I can acquire weapons.

>.Leave the warp

>Look for someone who knows where 4chan is

>.Leave the warp

You already left the warp.

> "So, what sort of tasks would you require of me?"

He replies, "Well ya don't have to do any real quests yet. Just some basic tutorial stuff at first, signing up to major sites, y'know." He continues talking, caught up in his own thoughts.

> Listen to what he has to say.

You suddenly realize that this guy a good 6 inches taller than you still has you pinned against the wall of a crowded bar. You decide to rectify this awkward situation by saying "Um, maybe we should sit down."

Reed is caught by surprise for a second, then says, "Uh, sure, yeah", adjusting his hood. He and you sit down at a booth, and he continues talking.

You decide to seek exposition on one of those mysterious Capitalized Concepts. "So, how does this "Insult Damage" thing you mentioned work?"

"Well, here in Internetlandia, people have two components: a physical body, and an Ego. The Ego can be damaged by insults taken seriously, and when an Ego is damaged its owner's physical body becomes more vulnerable. Remember, you can't judge the strength of the ego by the looks of the physical body; the strongest guy might also be the most insecure."

He seems to remember something. "Oh, before you leave this total hugbox of a city, you'll need some basic equipment. There's some shops nearby, c'mon."

> Leave Tavern.

You and Reed leave the tavern, and walk into the clothing store. He points to some light leather armor and says "That'll work for now."

You go to the counter and ask how much it costs. The merchant says "Oh, that? 20 gol—" but is cut off by Reed who says "I'll pay for it." He gives a small bag of coins to the shopkeeper and hands you the armour. You equip it.

> Leave Facebook City.

"So are we going to leave this city yet?" you ask.

"Sure, you should sign up for some other major sites. YouTube, Twitter, maybe Reddit..."

> Try to find 4chan.

>Look for someone who knows where 4chan is

This is an incredibly stupid idea but why not? You say to Reed "Some part of my brain wants to know what 4chan is like."

He looks at you like you're crazy. "Seriously? 4chan? At THIS low a level? This must be some sort of joke."

>"What even is that place?

> Head for Youtube.

> Head for deviantart.

(punch Reed and take all his gold)

Sorry for the Schedule Slip, I lost the whole update and then lots of thing happened in my life which made me forget to write this. Cake, your derailing attempt is shit- it would never work, and it's not even formatted correctly.

>"What even is that place?

Reed sighed. "Definitely not somewhere a newbie should be going, that's for sure."

> Head for Youtube.

You say, "Why don't we go to YouTube first?"

Reed seems relieved that you changed the subject from 4chan. He replies "Sure, why not?" You ask a search wizard to send you to YouTube, and Reed does the same. You get on the warp thing.

You are now in a sleek, somewhat futuristic buidling. Nearly all of the architecture is bright white, with occasional grey and red accents. A giant YouTube logo is above the open doorway. You walk out of the warp hub and look around.

The city outside is many things at once. The roads and paths look similar to the white, rounded structure of the warp building, but all the other buildings are brightly coloured, each one uniquely designed and distinguishable from all others. Some of them have their doors open, talking, laughter, and arguments can be heard in varying quantities from each open one. In the distance, a gigantic building can be seen; it is much taller than any of the other visible ones and appears to be made up of many different styles mashed together.

Sorry for doing that, then.

> Walk towards the building you see standing taller than all of the rest.

edited 6th Apr '16 4:24:37 AM by cake1

>Try to get a look inside a few of the other buildings on the way