Trying to Write a Novel

Hi there!

OK, I'm trying to write a novel, and I kinda need some help. You're probably wondering what the story's going to be about. Well, I haven't figured out all the details, but there are a few things I've decided on:

1. It's going to be an Unwanted Harem type story. 2. Luke, the protagonist, is Bisexual, so there's gonna be men AND women in the harem. 3. He's hurrying to get to the reading of his grandmother's will, and she's left him her Big Fancy House - he's renting out the rooms in order to pay for the upkeep.

But anyway - what do you think of the following paragraphs? Is there anything that I need to change, and if so, what could be different?

Chapter One

Luke was never the type to be late. Not usually, at least. He had always made it a personal rule to try to be at least five minutes early for any and all appointments, be they dentist, doctor, or even something as mundane as the opening of a new kebab shop in town. Tardiness was simply not a word in his vocabulary.

And yet, as he barrelled through the double doors of the Mc Grady, Kennedy and Lewis law firm, he could tell even without looking at his watch that he was cutting it very fine indeed. WHY had the coffee maker chosen today, of all days, to break down? And it hadn’t simply decided to just stop working – oh no, that would have been too easy. Instead, it had decided that it would be more fun to short circuit the moment he turned it on and that it would also set fire to the curtains, forcing him to ransack the kitchen in an attempt to locate the fire extinguisher (perhaps moving it from its usual place behind the door HAD been a bad idea, after all). Then, after finally locating the extinguisher behind the microwave and putting out the flames, he had slipped while taking down the charred remains of what had once been floral window hangings and somehow managed to land directly on the bin, knocking off the swing top and sending the contents flying across the floor – which, of course, had meant that he had had to waste several minutes cleaning up the mess before he could get dressed.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!” he hissed under his breath, quickening his pace and trying to avoid anyone or anything that happened to be in his way at the same time. “Of all days for this to happen! I knew I should’ve taken Sarah up on her offer of a lift!”

Narrowly evading a young intern clutching a stack of paperwork, Luke

Any help will be appreciated!

edited 3rd Jan '15 5:09:15 PM by fruitstripegum

If you're worried about the content itself, this is better suited for the Constructive Criticism thread. Although I think you'll have to wait for someone to help out other people before getting to you.