General Autism Discussion

And they don't believe you when you say that's just what you're like? And they know you're on the autism spectrum?

I wish more people knew that autistics do not fit into their gender roles naturally or completely. It's something I keep seeing again and again, and it's something almost no-one knows except some autistics.

I think part of why we're mistaken for gay is these reasons:

• We look awkward.
• Some of us walk awkward.
• We don't fit into gender roles. We often don't like the things associated most heavily with our sex (macho culture for males, gossip and celebrities for females).
• Many of us have weak handshakes.
• Many of us aren't all that interested in sex.

Not all these fit all autistics, but these are pretty common.

As a matter of fact I was just speaking with a friend online who told me she suspected of me being gay.

Also I live in a country where sexism is a huge cultural norm (moreso than in the "developed North"), and homophobia is seen as normal.

I read a married autistic woman say that people who know her and her husband often joke that she's the "husband" and he's the "wife".

Anyway, I saw an article that makes the interesting idea that "gifted" people are also mentally disabled. It starts off saying that traditionally, we tended to see people as either "disabled" or "bright", but not both at the same time. Some of the many forms of autism make it clear that one can easily be both.

A different article I'd read is by the mother of an 8-year-old who reads adult-level fiction but is unable to talk, and knew the names of every color and shape by age 2. Yet, her son was diagnosed as intellectually disabled.

And maybe he is. Being intellectually disabled and intellectually gifted can easily mean being good and bad - very good and bad - at two very different things.

I've noticed that people seem to get creeped out when they see someone who shows unusual maturity or intelligence for their age, then later shows unusually low maturity or intelligence. Or those two traits in the reverse order. People don't seem to know how to deal with that. I wish they realized it's "normal" - at least, it's not all that uncommon.

I am seeing so many examples of very different types of autism in people. Just today, a news article talked about a 6-year-old boy with autism who pushed his mother down steps and threatened her with a knife, and the autism diagnosis allegedly explained everything (he has a form of autism where he has a heavy need to feel in control, and not being in control causes anxiety. Simply phrasing commands in a less "commanding" manner improves his behavior).

Another news article was about an autistic man who was the first in his state to pass a bar exam, despite having been diagnosed with autism when he was little, and his parents being told he needed to be institutionalized because his form of autism was so severe. He now wants to be involved in special education law.

I hope the mess of "autisms" is disentangled so we can learn what really these things are, and more about them.

What forms of autism(s) have you come into contact with?

There is more than autism going on with that kid.

Yeah, it struck me as super odd. He was diagnosed with a "rare form of autism" called something like Pathological Demand Avoidance. Sounds to me like a comorbidity.

Anyway, my question still stands to anyone who'd like to give their experiences - what types of people on the spectrum have you encountered, either online or in person?

The only people with ASD I have encountered are here on TV Tropes, and it's not as easy to tell here online as in Real Life.

I do have a theory that the social impairments in ASD are primarily impairments in non-text communication, so purely text-based communication such as the one on TV Tropes is less impaired.

Regarding that, my female Aspie friend, who barely shows signs of being on the autism spectrum in text (there are subtleties, but I'd be less likely to notice if I didn't already know) showed me a video that she appears in for only a few seconds.

During those few seconds, I could instantly see the "Aspie-ness" in her. Her facial expression, which changed from serious and stoic to distant, and the look in her eyes, was immediately noticeable - to me. I pointed it out to her, and she wasn't surprised. I understand why "I know it when I see it" is offensive to many people, but this is someone who I knew was Aspie for years, and the signs of it stick out immediately.

And yet, there's only a few such signs in her text-based communication, and almost none in Skype voice chats. Sometimes the Aspie signs tend to show up more noticeably in one form than another.

She says she gets along great with people and has quite a few friends that she spends time with in person. Which is great. Apparently the Aspie-ness that sticks out to me even in two seconds of video (because her appearance in it really was that brief) doesn't bother people, or her personality is able to override that, so people don't care about the Aspie quirks.

I have an aspie friend who is actually quite girly and even "normal", I guess the weirdest thing about her is her shyness and sometimes weird taste and that, but she's actually more "normal" than me.

I've encountered a number of "girly" female autistics online. They still have their quirks and minor elements that make them clearly different from regular girly-girl types. Like, combining traditionally feminine interests like dressing up and princess characters with interests such as Nintendo games. Mario princesses instead of Disney princesses.

We still as a group tend to not neatly fit into gender roles anyway; even those who are 90% of the way there, I've noticed, still tend to have a trait or two heavily associated with the opposite sex.

I saw one person claim that, as an autistic, he desperately wanted to fit in and be accepted, so he looked at the gender rules and tried to make himself fit them as best as possible. Whereas other autistics have said that they thought "fuck that" to gender roles and were just themselves; rather than fake their interests in order to be accepted, they instead wanted people to accept them as they actually were.

edited 22nd May '15 7:59:24 AM by BonsaiForest

At dinner, I found an interesting fact from my mom. At the age of about 5 or 6 weeks or so, as soon as I was strong enough to use my arms, I started using them to push her away. I didn't like hugs when I was less than 2 months old. This despite having regressive autism. So it looks like I didn't "get" autism; I was born with it.

Which raises questions of why I regressed and lost a lot of skills when I was 2 anyway. Is it similar to how one's brain restructures when changing from a kid to an adolescent? Do autistics have a similar sort of brain restructuring when they're little?

Maybe we will find out some day, but that was still very eye-opening to be told.

edited 24th May '15 5:59:40 PM by BonsaiForest

Supposedly, there was a study that shows that adults with autism have similar hobbies to their mainstream peers. I particularly love the fact that the article fails to show the study. Nor does it say what those hobbies actually are.

It mentions that we tend to have 2 or 3 hobbies, breaking the stereotype of having limited, restricted interests. Ha ha ha. I seriously wonder what these "hobbies" actually are.

We need more stuff to talk about as a group, or invite more people in here to add to the discussion.

Anyway, who here likes thunderstorms or rain? I really hope we get some today.

I do enjoy rain as long as I am not in it, but thunderstorms turn me off.

Anyway, for some more serious discussion, I was told by my elder sister that taking care of your personal seal is a small matter compared to making plans for a new branch (which I am indeed part of) and I should not even think to travel alone if I keep forgetting to return my personal seal into my drawer as that means I am very likely to lose my travel documents out there.

While I can understand what she's trying to say, but for me the planning for the new branch is easier than continuously reminding myself to store my personal seal as the former won't suffer from panic but the latter will, in high frequency. Speaking of panic attacks, I tend to suffer from panic (as in emotion) whenever I need to work on multiple tasks at the same time, which is unavoidable thanks to lack of proper staff to replace resigned workers which ended up with I taking up a lot of work load.

Is anyone had the same situation with me?

What's a personal seal? I have a passport and that doesn't need much taking care of. 'Branches'??

Lately I've noticed I trust social norms and the need to reinforce them less and less.

Oops, I mean personal stamp. It's a stamp with my name with it. What I mean is that my sister thinks that I am unable to take care of personal belongings as I am prone to misplace my stamp and forget about it, which would mean I would do the same thing with my passport when I am traveling abroad. My company has branches aka outlets at various places and I am in charge of planning of opening up a new one.

That has happened to me when I was a kid until now.

edited 28th May '15 5:54:48 AM by murazrai

I too, since elementary school, thought social norms were fucking stupid.

Anyway, what's spurred on this decreased trust?

I just don't see why most of them exist. That and I want to go back in time and bloodily murder the person/ape who invented eye contact.

Yeah. People are so anal about that staring into one's retinas thing. "This person's so creepy because they don't look at me!" Yeah, because when we look at you, it's harder for us to think about what you're saying or what we're trying to say. We can't change that, so just Deal With It.

Oh, it's far worse than that. Eye contact is a very complex, highly choreographed dance between two people in which "just the right amount" of eye contact depends upon the two personalities, what the two people know about each other, the surrounding context, how many times they've done this, how long this has gone on, and what each party's facial expressions, gestures and body language say about how they are experiencing the eye contact, whether it is welcome or not, and how sensitive and responsive each person is being to the other.

All that takes place over and over in fractions of a second. The human brain is amazing, when it works just right.

Perhaps. There was an article, a brief one, about how autistics who date do something that non-autistics don't do - actually ask questions about what the other person is feeling, what they did wrong, did they enjoy this experience, etc.

Considering how many "normals" have problems with communication, this article suggested that autistics may be doing something right, there.

When you know that you don't know everything, that's when you ask questions and try to learn. When you assume you know everything you need to know, that's when you're at greater risk of making big mistakes.

And that applies to anything, not specifically autism.

edited 1st Jun '15 1:06:27 PM by BonsaiForest

I sort of fit the "super-smart introverted computer nerd" stereotype, but at the same time I went to a therapist for a few years and thus am far better at people skills than if I hadn't. (I have Asperger's)

I saw in your Troper page, that one of the tropes you used to describe yourself is Surrounded by Idiots. Honestly, throughout much of my life I felt both like that, and at other times I felt like I was the idiot. Kids at school seemed to pick up on it, and I got called both "genius" and "retard" alike.

I got a question for anyone who wants to answer. How self-conscious are you about being on the autism spectrum? Even if you're totally okay with being on it, are you okay with telling others? Or maybe only a few others?