Welcome to the Salty Spittoon

Go right in.

-punches all the guys behind me and they fall like dominoes-

Yes, that makes you the thirty-fifth individual to do that on my shift. There was that one guy with the giant chess pieces... but it's for the best if no one ever speaks of that again.

I AM THE BAR!

why the hell not

i'm so tough, i transcend the scale of toughness. nothing i can say will help you understand just how tough i am. it is simply incomprehensible to the average human mind.

Well if you can't prove your toughness, you're not coming in. NEXT!

I killed a god with my bare fists!

You're not Issei!! Next!

-Shows lifetime pass-

Oh, of course. Don't let me keep you waiting.

I can beat Chuck Norris at a wrestling contest.

Go right inside.

I beat Superman in a wrestling match

Superman doesn't wrestle, liar.

I outbadassed Batman and Wolverine just by walking.

I'm not seeing it. Also that isn't a word. NEXT!

As you can see, I am on fire. I've been on fire for the past five years. It's never really bothered me, so I never felt the need to put it out.

Go in, don't burn anything.

I can punch out the sun, watch. ~Steps back, then punches upwards, hitting the sun and sending it light-years away~

I hope you can get it back, or you pretty much doomed earth, dumbass.

I got in a terrible car accident and survived by performing open heart surgery on myself. AFTER saving the other driver.

Go right in.

I will have you know china once declared war on me and china proceeded to lose horribly to me.

edited 9th Aug '15 1:39:03 PM by Superjohn

Then why is it still in a communist state, asshole? Make them American, then come back.

I'll have you know I couldn't view Highschool Dx D on an uncensored site on my Kindle fire, and I only fell into a deep depression for 12 hours.

Only wimps use Kindle Fires.

I'm so tough that I read A Song Of Ice And Fire and only threw the book 20 times.

edited 9th Aug '15 1:58:36 PM by MonkBarbarian

You read a book? OUT!

Just look at my glorious pecs! -rips off shirt to show reg, and all the girls fawn over it-

Um......... good for you? Next!

I'm the repairman. <shows proper badge and certs>. I'm here to fix the place up.

Show that you're a badass. Sorry but company policy, I don't want you busting your ass on an ice cube.

I eat black holes without any utensils.

Right this way, sorry to keep you waiting.

I killed 100 German fighter pilots in WWII just by pointing my finger like a gun and saying "Bang".

Veterans are always welcome here. Go right in.

I beat both the Red Baron and Snoopy in an Airplane Dog Fight.

Week pass.

Pizza here for a Reg.

Reg: \*Looks inside. Sees Sponge Bob.*

\*Throws box to some junkyard dogs* Next.

I'm the only one in the world who won a tennis match against a 50-story brick wall. -Shows trophy-

That's no achievement, the wall can't even swing the racket. Also tennis is a girl's sport. NEXT!

I'm a vampire. I go out during the day because I feel the agony of being burned alive is no more than a minor inconvenience.

Go inside, at least you don't sparkle.

I wrestled The Hulk and won

Go into a cage match against Hulk, Superman, and Thor, win, and you're in.

You know how I put out fires? I use a machine gun and snuff the flames out.

Those fires weren't put out.

I was in a cage match against The Hulk, Thor, Son Goku, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Shazam and I won.

edited 11th Aug '15 10:53:16 AM by powerpuffbats