I guess I might as well crosspost the comment I posted:
My PM box is always welcome to those who need someone to talk to for any reason
edited 9th Dec '12 10:15:39 PM by Sixthhokage1
serial tweaker, sorry
I think it's a good idea to start a thread about not only venting your issues, but seeking help and sharing how it's going, since a lot of people find it hard to finally start therapy.
If this kicks off though, you might want to ask a mod to change the title to something that will reflect that.
I wish you the best of luck with your recovery. Putting this out there is already a huge step, and I think you're on the right track.
Oh, and, I just remembered, if you are having a crisis, there's this chat hotline that's been floating around lately, thought I'd post it here:
edited 9th Dec '12 10:32:57 PM by bananasloth
please don't capitalize my handle. I just don't like it.
Just awesome like that
Thank you both very much. I've been in deep introspection about my own issues for quite some time now, and I think I'm finally ready to actually take action to get the help I need.
And of course other people can feel free to use this thread to talk about their own road to recovery and their progress as well. I think I'll ask for a slight change of title for this thread in that case. EDIT: There we go!
edited 9th Dec '12 11:05:28 PM by 0dd1
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Ich bin nicht schuld! 's ist Gottes Plan!
Okay, I must admit that when I started reading, my initial response was 'You, my friend, are suffering from a bad case of Angstyteenageritis' - but as I read on, it gradually sunk in that this is something serious.
I wish you the best of luck with all this. Like the rest of the people ITT have said, admitting to yourself and to the world that you have a problem and you need help is a huge step forward. Whenever something's getting me down, I talk to a lot of people about it, and it just slides off me. I have friends who mostly keep their problems to themselves, and I have seen the kind of damage that can do (including one attempted suicide). So yeah, it's a huge plus that you're as open about this as you are.
Anyway, as a borderline case of Asperger's - who has mostly outgrown the symptoms - I definitely recognise the feeling of wanting to be alone, though not to such an extreme degree as you describe. Especially when I was younger, I often had the feeling 'leave me alone, I don't want to be social now, I just want to work on my latest hobby project by myself.' I rarely have this feeling now; since moving out of my parents' house, I spend a lot of time alone in my room anyway. Which has made the other feeling, 'Ugh, I'm alone and bored, I wish I had someone to hang out with right now', somewhat more common.
But I'm getting off topic. Good luck, man.
Mache dich, mein Herze, rein...
Odd, I have to say that your speech resonated with me. I feel very similar on some things, such as not knowing how to make & keep friends.
Anyway, best of luck, I hope the help you get... helps.
Just awesome like that
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
Heh, "Angstyteenageritis." I need to add that to my lexicon.
I definitely appreciate the support, from all of you and even from other people that I know IRL (not five minutes after I posted that, two of my friends instantly texted me to try to comfort me, which surprised me more than it should have—I really take the few friends I do have far too much for granted...). And I'm glad in a sense that it resonated with you...not so much the very fact that it resonated, since it's really horrible feeling this way, but that it hopefully at least helps to let you know you're not alone (as it's certainly helped me). The reason I posted this here was because I figured a lot of people on here could probably relate. The things that people here say they've experienced, some of it I can't even imagine it's so horrible. But if there's one thing that I feel like people here tend to at least have some understanding of, it's depression and alienation.
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Space Wizard
Isn't it amazing, now I have princess wings!
All the more reason to motivate yourself to join the few.
Wise Papa Smurf, corrupted by his own power. CAN NO LEADER GO UNTAINTED?!
Is that cake frosting?
Eh, as I see it, the true purpose of New Year resolutions is not really to succeed in sticking to them, but rather to examine one's successes and failures in the past year and start the next one with the right footing.
100% Completion is the surest sign of lack of vision: if I ever manage to fulfill my resolutions in full for one year, that'll just mean that I failed to challenge myself properly — and that will be reflected in the next year's resolutions. Perfection is for the people who don't do anything interesting.
@Odd: Best of luck with that. I don't really have much to contribute to this topic — I also know the feeling of wanting to be alone, but I think that it's a different thing from the one you mention: in my case, it's not usually something unpleasant and depressing, it's just that, well, I seem to need a bit more "me time" than the majority of people. I may be kidding myself, but I don't think that it is a problem per se: it does not make me unhappy, it does not make others unhappy, and it does not impair my functioning.
To be honest, I remember that year or so during the beginning of college when I tried to make myself be as sociable and outgoing as I thought I should have been as one of the most miserable periods of my life (not that that means much, though — my life has never been particularly miserable, so it was not anything terrible. Just, well, less pleasant than other periods).
But every situation is different. If whatever's going on is making you unhappy, that should be addressed. I hope things get better soon!
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
Just awesome like that
I definitely get where you're coming from there. Yeah, I suppose everyone works differently socially. Eh, it's what makes the world go 'round I suppose.
Just awesome like that
So, my mom has been looking up therapists for me to go to (though I admit, this is probably something I should've been doing on my own), and we're going to call to make an appointment with one soon as the weekend's over.
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Until further notice
All the best in that, 0dd1. Here's to sticking to your resolution.
Not a substitute for a formal medical consultation.
Just awesome like that
Thank you. Here's hoping it works out.
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I've not been doing so hot myself…only been to my therapist twice since I started treatment in September and I'm having a hard time resisting the urge to cut…
Just awesome like that
Damn. I'm sorry, Six. I know it probably doesn't make much of a difference just saying it, but try to resist the urge. You're a great person, and it's painful to see you going through that, since you shouldn't have to.
I do think it'd be a good idea to try to make an appointment post-haste, or even just go in or call and say that it's an emergency if it's that bad though.
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I know… I go in for an appointment the 26th. But I don't know if I even can say anything about it…no one IRL knows…
Just awesome like that
It might help if you can to tell someone, someone you can really trust to try to talk you down when you're in that state.
Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.
I do have one IRL friend on my newer Facebook account where I've mentioned it a bit…maybe I could talk to him
Just awesome like that
That could definitely help. Give it a shot.
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Just awesome like that
I'm keeping up my commitment here. I'm in the waiting room awaiting my first therapy session right now.
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Good luck 0dd, I'm rooting for you, man
Just awesome like that
Thank you. It went pretty alright. First session, so obviously not too much sorted out by this point, but it's a start. Therapist was nice, though.
edited 4th Jan '13 6:31:21 PM by 0dd1
Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.
I realize how egotistical it is to make a thread here specifically dedicated to my own feelings, especially considering that I'm probably not even in the worst of situations out of people on this forum (I could definitely think of certain people on here whose situations I pray for the best for them) and especially considering that we already have a thread for coping with issues or venting. But this is something I want to put out there in general. And if I can inspire someone else to maybe try to get the help they need, well, there's that. I doubt my words alone or any of this at all can, but you never know.
Anyway, I just posted this (WARNING: TEXT DUMP) on my Facebook. You can read if if you wish, but it's certainly your right to just say "tl;dr". After rereading it and thinking about it again, it doesn't say nearly as much as I wish it'd say, but it is what it is.
I never really try to talk to others about it how I'm feeling, and I probably never really seem like I am this way. Hell, a lot of the time I probably come off as downright chipper, obnoxiously so even. I suppose that's just a false face I put on, as pretentious as it sounds to phrase it that way, to hide "the tears of a clown", so to speak. I try to be as upbeat as I can because what's the sense in bringing everyone else down? I used to just wallow in my feelings all the time, with a frown on my face and no spring in my step to speak of, not speaking unless spoken to, and generally avoiding people, and that would only make me feel worse and make others avoid me. If not for this mask of optimism I try to put on in public, I probably wouldn't have any friends (not that I do a very good job at treating them all with the respect they deserve anyway—and, at times, not that I do anything but take the few friends I have for granted, especially certain people I could name). It's my crutch for getting by, but one can't run through life on crutches. Indeed, especially lately, I'm not always successful at hiding how I'm feeling, letting my mind and my mood take over and direct how I act when I usually just try to let everyone else direct that. At home, I've all but given up completely on putting on an act.
Most of the time, I just get in a certain mood where I just don't want to do anything but keep to myself and draw completely inward, shutting out everything. Plenty of the time, I lash out at people when I'm like this and they don't see it (through no fault of their own—I realize that I'm probably not exactly the easiest person to read). Plenty of other times, I go off on a huff on my own somewhere, not even caring where I am as long as I'm alone. Sometimes, I contemplate suicide. Thankfully, those times are not very frequent (though maybe more frequent that I would like to admit even to myself), and I have not yet reached the point where I have the guts to actually do it. But I still find solace in the thought sometimes, and that greatly disturbs me.
People often see it as weird or unsocial to go out places alone. I don't necessarily agree with that completely. Maybe it is unsocial, but maybe being unsocial is what a person needs sometimes. I know it certainly helps me when I, say, go to the movies alone, go out to eat by myself, or even just sit alone in a public place for a while. I don't know why. It's comforting to see people but not necessarily interact with them in these times. It makes me feel alive without having to put forth the effort of living. Maybe that's it. I haven't quite figured this out yet.
Perhaps it's a coping mechanism I developed for myself that I have not yet quite grown out of. Most of my life I have had no friends, nobody to lean on or talk to personally, nobody to spend time with after or during school, not even anyone to simply say "Hi" to in the hallway and expect a "Hello" back. At least, that's how it was in my view. I'm sure there must have been people who thought they were my friends that might be reading this and feeling insulted right now, and I apologize if so. But, the thing is, I don't think I ever really learned how to make and keep friends. From the earliest of ages, preschool, I can recall being ostracized by my peers and sitting alone with nobody else, not even a teacher coming over to see if there's anything wrong. So if I never learned how to make friends, how would I even know if I did gain one? How could I trust people to be there when they consistently have backed away?
I realize that it's not exactly kosher to post such a personal thing in such a public space as this, and I might regret this myself in the morning. Hell, I'll probably regret it right after it's posted. But, you know what? Good, I say. People don't talk enough about these issues. I'm sure that plenty of you grapple with the same or similar issues and yet never even talk about them with your closest of friends. Truth be told, if they read this, this will be the first time I'll have even told those closest to me about all of this. This is something I needed to get off my chest, and whoever reads it—and I realize that due to both the length of this post and due to how few people probably know me or care about me enough to spend time on this, very few people probably will read it, and that's okay too—can do so. People hide their problems far too often, and I'd either like to finally deal with my issues or just stop pretending I'm feeling better than I actually am.
Besides, who wants to deal with someone with this much baggage anyway? :P
edited 9th Dec '12 9:48:24 PM by 0dd1
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