The Harry Potter Fanfiction Thread

But this is fanfiction. Everyone already knows how Neville turns out.

Rehashing canon is boring.

@Eva Unit

I'm curious.

Elaborate, or I shall taunt you.

Sorry, I was wrong (Or, more accurately, you lot changed my mind/showed me my biases.)

You're right.

Did...did Salazar invent plumbing?

Headcanon is that he accidentally invented plumbing when trying to make something so his Basilisk could slither around the school.

It was a bittersweet victory, as the others shared it with some fucking muggles.

And now, I want to write Slytherin Watches Snakes on a Plane, in which the Slytherin House Stereotypes watch Snakes on a Plane.

It ends with Neville, covered in blood and wielding the sword of Gryffindor, breaking into their dorm and yelling "I am tired of these motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking dungeon!", causing mass panic.

Fuck that, the Romans invented plumbing, Salazar was cribbing it from them.

It's not like wizards need plumbing, so to speak, when they can just vanish their poop and pee.

Yanno, I got this idea for a ficlet in which a wizard becomes super famous when he invents a potion that makes it so you don't have to go to the bathroom anymore, if you drink it after dinner. And yes, I know what pooping is for, but MAGIC.

edited 24th Aug '14 1:15:45 PM by IAmNotCreativeEnough

@IANCE: Referring once more to Thrice-Glorious Victory 13. That was pretty much my word-for-word reaction to the end of Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty (just replace "IANCE" with "KOJIMA"), and has become my go-to response when I play/watch/read something that blows my mind.

edited 24th Aug '14 9:10:24 PM by rikalous

Very nice. See, I want more stories in that vein—exploring the world that's only hinted at in Harry's story. Plus, that's quite well executed.

Ron, though? Doesn't seem like investigative would be his line of work...

It was gonna be him or Harry, since they were the only ones present for Lockhart's confession, and it was Ron's wand that Obliviated the truth away. It just felt best to have him being the one setting things right as best they could be.

Danke. It just hit me one day that Lockhart's victims are pretty much irrevocably fucked, because even if they can be found Memory Charms being broken through apparently does a number on the person whose memory used to be modified. Although, granted, it might do less damage if it's not Voldemort himself doing the breaking.

Maybe there could be justification that Ron's wand (that he still keeps the pieces of) by virtue of having Lockhart's memory charm cast though it as its last spell, can be used to make the process of restoring the memory more effective.

Fiddling with memories if you're not skilled with them sounds like a recipe for SAN damage, honestly. I personally think this looks more like a story wherein Ron goes around and actually has to explain things to them as best he can, with the plot driven by the fact that Lockhart didn't just erase their memories to secure his own glory: he had something else to hide, too. And now he can't remember it, but it's intriguing/important enough that Ron's spending his time tracking down this story.

The problem would be that I really don't see Ron of all people doing something like that. Now, Hermione is someone I'd see in that line of work, but certainly not Ron. And Harry? Hah. Even less. He's lazy.

Nothing's preventing them from telling someone else who would be a better fit to take on that task.

Sorry I wasn't that clear. I was thinking more alone the lines Ron goes to a mind healer or whatever and tells them about the problem, they tell him about the use of his old wand in helping, then he goes around finding the people who lockhart memory wiped. Not Ron himself doing the fixing.

edited 25th Aug '14 2:18:26 AM by 32ndfreeze

You seem to have missed the fact these are significantly different people after the end of the Battle of Hogworts. Harry makes Head Auror for chrissakes, and he's regarded as the best in living memory.

edited 25th Aug '14 2:19:46 AM by Night

This is the Wizarding World we're talking about. Dumbledore had three positions that were held in high esteem and he sucked balls at all three of them. Okay, he sucked balls at one of them on screen, another is implied to be ceremonial with no real power and the last... What does a Supreme Mugwump do anyway?

Since Harry is likely to emulate Dumbledore, he might very well be regarded as the best because he was the most liked, not because he was the best administrator.

Popularity tends to be more important than effectiveness in the HP world.

That's like saying Luke's going to emulate Yoda. He's not, for pretty much the same reason Harry won't emulate Dumbledore.

Harry and Luke weren't given the grounding or skills to be like their mentors. They were trained into weapons to deal with specific threats. Harry wouldn't run his job like Dumbledore would both from temperment and experienced; he's a get-results hunt-them-down sort of guy, quite unlike his mentor, and that was how his mentor intended it.

Also, the Ministry and similar issues were by word of Rowling heavily reformed under one of the known-to-be-competent Aurors, Kingsley Shacklebolt, so your argument is being made from premises overcome by canon.

Not even close, Night, not even close.

Harry idolizes Dumbledore and is blind to his faults, pretty much.

Gets results, hunts them down? Harry is lazy. Hell, even during the Horcrux hunt he spent plenty of time just dicking around (mostly because he had no idea how to proceed).

'Known to be competent' within the Wizard World, Night. To them, Dumbledore is competent. The man who had Binns teaching history, who put Gilderoy Lockhart (when Dumbledore should have been able to tell that Lockhart was full of shit) to teach Defense, the man who somehow couldn't tell that Quirrel was possessed, the man who couldn't tell Moody had been replaced by a Death Eater and the man who let Umbridge get away with torturing students.

This is the guy who they think is an example to follow, and they would try to follow his example, if only to honor his memory. Harry is, in his own words, Dumbledore's man through and through.

Like I've said before, you're grossly overestimating the wizards' intelligence.

Furthermore, I never compared Harry to Dumbledore. I merely told you that having a position of high responsibility means jack shit about how responsible a person is in the Wizarding World. So your comparison is completely invalid as an argument.

edited 26th Aug '14 6:45:08 AM by IAmNotCreativeEnough

Did you stop reading the last book before it was over?

No, but it has been a while, and I didn't really like it very much. I wanted more about what Neville was doing, seemed more interesting.

Why can't Ron decide to get something done, and actually do it? Wizard or not, he is a person, you know, and people don't always act like they did when they were teenagers.